Holy wall o text Batman!

I let a lady friend of ours decide for me and she crafted a text message that basically said 2 months break no contact. And we would see if we still wanted to be together.

That was wrong to let someone else decide my relationship stuff for me. I want to resolve issues. I feel that spending two months apart wondering about this issue or that issue is wrong. I would never write a text like that.

I want to talk to her about problems we have been having. And what we would do to fix it. I know there are plenty of fish in the sea but we were going to do this or that. Shes cool, artsie, my girl. Sex is good. Communication sucks because we are sucky at it.

I still sometimes want to fuck around but usually having sex with her satisfied that. There was that one dance instructor though whos confidence was really alluring. I was relatively satisfied with the relationship. My worries about wanting to fuck around where in the far future. Not really in the now.

So do I keep the no contact for two months and then see where we are at? Or do I talk to her and figure out what our problems are and how we can work on them? I remember reading relationships require work. I didn't know that. I thought they were just suppose to be easy. Which it was in the beginning. But I stopped trying.

We have gone through a lot. She was raped while I was deployed. I was thinking she was cheating at the time. When I confronted the guy he lied and said it was consensual. The trip to the therapist and the discussion afterwards made me think different. I'm so mad at myself for not punching his face in and for being afraid of repercussions if I did. She still gets nightmares. And the whole issue tears at me.

Towards the end of the relationship I was so focused on a business idea, getting out of the Army, getting into college, and finding an apartment for the first time. That I forgot about the relationship and stopped dating / seducing her. I stopped taking care of myself and doing my own things and spent all my time around her gorging on the feel good relationship emotions.

We never really communicated well. It was mostly me with the communication problems. I'm a recovering nice guy and I've just realized I have a lot of codependency issues. She is aware of her own codependency issues and has been improving herself.

I expressed my emotions of feeling like I hated her at one point. This was before I understood everything that happened. She recently said the same thing to me. Which really hurt. Which says how much it hurt her.

She really wants to be with me I feel. But towards the end I got nervous, needy, unsure of myself. Worried, couldn't make a lot of decisions, Doubtful. I've been going through a major transition.

Which made her unsure because I wasn't confident. She felt unled. Didn't feel good enough for me. I lost my edge, my spark.