Little bit about me:

I'm a 23-year old Asian-Canadian. The idea of confidence and having a high self-esteem was bizarre to me growing up. I've always been a people pleaser, and would always conform my own values in order to seem more easy-going. Realistically, I ended up suppressing everything about my identity in order to seem part of the crowd and found myself not knowing who I was or what I truly stood for.

I couldn't make eye contact with anyone, would freeze up whenever a cute girl walked by, stuttered and blurted so many incomprehensible words, and could never bring myself to let people know how I actually feel.

 

That was three years ago. I feel like I've made a lot of progress since, and would like to share what I changed in my life to get to where I am today :)

 

Changes I made/incorporated in my life:

  1. Meditating - Helps keep me present, calm, less stressed and anxious. This also makes sure that I have time dedicated for thinking about the emotions that arise, and why I feel that way given the situation.

  2. Exercise - I lift 3 days a week and do cardio or yoga 2 days a week. At first it was incredibly difficult to stick to a routine, but two years later, it appears as though adding this into my daily life became a lot easier. Exercise helps keep my mind stable, and makes me feel incredible. It clears my head, and I'm able to focus and learn easier as a result.

  3. Being open to new experiences - Due to my anxiety before, I was always so reluctant to do something new ESPECIALLY by myself. This limited the number of friends and contacts I could actually make a connection with. Now whenever a friend mentions something that we should do that night or to try out sometime, I agree to go along with it. Incredibly pleasing results so far with this. Being open to experiences also taught me that your life is subjected to your will. If you make the best of a situation, it can turn out being one of the best moments of your life

  4. Playing piano - Piano has always served as an emotional and creative outlet for me. Music can somehow fill silence with such intricate, meaningful sound. When words can't express how I feel, I turn to music. I also started producing EDM, so I use the piano as a tool to turn the ideas in my head into something physical that I can share with others

  5. Journaling - Writing about my day or how I feel always starts out as your standard entry where I state things like, "this happened" and it made me feel like "this". But after the sort of "surface-layer" stuff are discussed, other thoughts and realizations begin to sprout from the entry, and it ends up being thousands of words long. Being able to have time to sit back, re-read what you wrote, and really think about how you could've handled something better or what you can do to improve a situation next time really eases my anxieties. I'm able to directly confront an issue and be honest with myself. At the same time, I learn what I like and dislike, and what makes me smile and laugh. Whenever I re-read my happy entries, it reminds me that it doesn't take much in order to change someone's day, and that being happy is always within reach. You just need to shift your perspective, keep your optimism, and trust yourself.

  6. Reading - I have said this before, and I will say it again. Reading changes your life. I'm more into non-fiction, so I mostly read books on Psychology, neuroscience, self-improvement, and history. You can learn so much through the words and perspectives of others. Whenever I come across an interesting quote or some lesson in a book I'm reading, I type it out on Google Keep so that I don't forget its importance and to somehow incorporate that meaning in to my own life.

  7. Drinking coffee and partaking in marijuana - For days that I don't have enough energy, coffee is there. For days that I have accomplished many tasks and need to relax at night, cannabis is there. I know that many people have a negative opinion on marijuana, but when used in moderation and as a reward only, it becomes an excellent tool for relaxation, introspection, and unstructured thoughts. I won't say that taking marijuana directly caused my life to become better, but it did help me stand back, re-evaluate many things in my life, and help me progress through taking the necessary steps to improve my mental, emotional, and physical states.

  8. Being surrounded by others who are "better" than you - Now, the term "better" here is relative of course. But when you see people who are living their dream, are working hard towards a goal, and have a growth mindset, it's hard to not want to become like that as well. Luckily, the friends I have in Engineering are like this. They inspire me to work harder, to be less judgemental, and to remember to have fun. My peers have shown me that it is possible to have a successful social and academic life while also participating in various areas I am passionate about. It just takes discipline, many hours of hard work, and the ability to structure time. This changed everything for me. I will say this again, I'm lucky to be surrounded by the people that are currently in my life. Sure, I've had to trim many people over the years, but I'm glad that I am now left with a group that inspires me to improve myself.

  9. Getting out into nature - When you look up at night and witness the space that surrounds the Earth and realize how infinitesimal you are as a human being, suddenly your problems are whisked away. They are put into perspective through the vastness of the universe, and what was once a gargantuan issue becomes a small speck of a thought. When you go roaming around in the forest and peer into nature, you see that things occur slowly and naturally. There's no rush, yet everything becomes accomplished. It's good to have that reminder every once in a while, especially when society is telling you that everything needs to be better, faster, and stronger. Perspective, guys. It's a vital thing.

  10. Therapy - I started attending counselling sessions over the past Summer, and it has, by far, changed my life for the better. Getting feedback, seeing situations from a different perspective, and addressing insecurities that you weren't even aware you had really helps you become a more well-rounded individual.

  11. Reading seddit + GetMotivated - These helped me internalize so many concepts over the past few years. There's a huge difference between knowing something and actually LIVING it. I would kick myself so often for not making a move quicker, and for not having enough confidence to do what I wanted. But you know what? A slow journey is still one you can win in the end. I proved that to myself.

 

Finally, the cold approach story:

My friends and I were out for drinks last night at a restaurant when two women happened to sit in a booth a bit behind us. I caught the eye of one of the women - a cute brunette with blue eyes and shoulder-length hair. Throughout the rest of the night there up until both of our tables got our bills, I noticed that she and her friend kept looking over and we even made eye contact a few times. The thought of asking her out wasn't even in my mind at first. But it did become louder and louder in my mind every time I looked over and saw her quickly glance away.

 

After my table paid, I told my buddies that they could go ahead without me because I thought the brunette I (and they) saw was cute and I was going to ask her out cold. After some incredulous looks and responses, I started laughing and explained, "Right now I'm single. And even if I get rejected, it would bring me right back to the situation that I'm in now - so why not just put yourself out there and risk it, right? Guys, I'm literally losing nothing. You don't have to worry about me." So then they told me good luck and said they'd wait outside.

 

Boom. Now I'm by myself, and I start walking towards the brunette's table. Once I get there, I politely wait for her friend to finish up her sentence, reach my hand out and simply said, "Hey, my name is /u/WxOnWxOff." A huge smile erupted on her face as she reached out and shook my hand, and I proceeded to sit beside her.

 

As I sat down, I saw that a lot of people from the surrounding tables (mostly dudes) were observing everything that was occurring. Before, that would've made me super nervous as I would feel much more pressure. What if I get rejected and they laugh at me! I would look like an idiot! But in the moment I thought, "Hm. Whatever, they're not what my focus is." I ask the ladies how their night is going and we're all involved in the conversation. Once this started dying down, I turned to the brunette said the reason why I came over was because I thought she was cute and that I wanted to get to know her better over a date.

 

She instantly blushes, looks down and puts her hands on her cheeks. I started laughing a bit because I thought the fact she suddenly became so shy was really cute. Then she quietly sighed, turns to me and says, "It's... sort of complicated..." without making eye contact. I turn to her friend and jokingly say, "Sounds like there a long story here" while signalling to the brunette beside me. This turns into a brief conversation regarding how guys are complicated after the initial attraction stage, ending with the friend asking me what I'm like.

 

I say, "In my experience with relationships, and even with my friends, I'm honest and straight-forward. I can totally understand what you mean when you say guys are complicated at that stage in a relationship though. With guys, we sort of go into a relationship at full-force from the beginning while women they tend to ease into it. So it's very possible for the guy to start losing interest while waiting for you to get more comfortable." They both completely agree, and we talk for a little bit more about something (I don't even remember, still had a good vibe doe).

 

Eventually I tell the brunette that I hope everything gets uncomplicated, and that it was nice meeting them both. They both say the same, and the friend asks for my name again. I smile as I say my name, which was met with two genuine smiles coming back at me :)

 

So overall I did not get a number, but I am pretty proud that I was able to handle the entire situation calmly and more notably, AS MYSELF. Nothing felt forced, faked, or unintended. I felt fine showing different parts of my personality, and it was received warmly! In the end, it was still a solid conversation and I felt like I was able to dig deeper than just the surface layer stuff. It was a good first experience, and I know that I can do it again :)