I have been doing this pick-up stuff for a looooong time now (almost 15 years), and I’d like to pass on some stuff I’ve learned. This post isn’t about technique, but about to use PUA materials.

Disclaimer: I actually have a blog about self-improvement and picking up girls, and I promote it here. I may sound hypocritical when I shit on PUA materials, but I don't think I am.

YOU CANNOT LEARN HOW TO FUCK GIRLS FROM A BOOK

Repeat after me: I cannot learn how to fuck girls from a book. Say this to yourself 5 times a day.

Trying to fuck girls by reading a book is like trying to learn how to play soccer from reading a book. Yes, you need to learn the rules of soccer somehow, but to get good at soccer it’s 99% practice and 1% learning. If you’re not actually out doing it, then reading about it is absolutely useless.

I will admit that PUA books and videos do make some good points and you can learn things. In fact, I will go so far as to say that all men should study PUA to some degree, for the mere fact that dealing with women is often counterintuitive and weird. On top of that, society and pop culture teaches us about a bunch of seduction that is just flat wrong and needs to be reprogrammed. But your breakdown should be 90% doing, 10% reading.

Tons of guys use this sub and PUA stuff in general as mental masturbation and never apply it. And reading all this shit actually hurts them because it fills their heads with thoughts which increase their anxiety. Ask any guy that gets laid: he does best when he thinks least.

SEDUCTION IS ABOUT FEELINGS, NOT LOGIC

My friend put it best: “Sex is what happens when you form such a deep emotional connection with a girl, and you guys like each so other much, that the only way you can express it is by having sex.”

Unfortunately, emotions are incredibly complicated, weird, irrational and unrealistic. It’s not like a mathematical formula where you plug in 4 variables and spit out the solution. With emotion there are literally thousands of variables at play with each girl, and you cannot possibly know all of them or keep them in your head at the same time. There are a few general guidelines you can follow, but most of them time you are a blind man groping in the dark. Even the “masters” fuck up all the time.

YOU MUST CHANGE YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE TO PICK UP GIRLS

Confidence, dominance, joy, lack of investment, humor, etc… are essentially emotional states. And girls can sense your emotional state. Two guys can say the exact same thing to a girl and have it go completely differently just based on the emotional state they are in. Part of the reason trying to learn pick-up from a script is useless is because if you are not in the right emotional state, it doesn’t matter what you say.

You can’t develop an emotional state by reading a book, any more than you can become “happy” by reading a book. The only way to change your emotions is by doing things. It takes a lot of work to become consistently confident. You need to engage in challenging activities and overcome those challenges and succeed. To become confident with women, you must actually interact with women. Until then, you must fake it. This stuff is not easy. It takes work.

NOBODY CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO FORM AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH A GIRL

PUA materials can teach you little things about how to get girls: how to overcome approach anxiety, how to be more confident, what things to say to open conversations. But at the end of the day, nobody can teach you what to say to really make a girl feel a connection with you. Girls like guys who are smart, funny, good-looking, cool, share their interests, etc… NOT dorks that learned rules out of a PUA book.

YOU MUST HAVE A COOL LIFE TO GET LAID

It blows my mind how many guys just give up literally everything in life and dedicate themselves full time to PUA. I have seen way too many posts in this sub saying “so I’ve gone out 50 nights in a row and I still haven’t gotten laid.” Well, the reason you haven’t gotten laid is because you’ve gone out 50 nights in a row and you literally have nothing else going on in your life and nothing else on your mind. Girls don’t want to fuck PUAs, they want to fuck confident, cool guys that have interesting lives. If you want to just get by with PUA “tricks” I am sure you will fuck a few girls, but those girls will immediately flee when they realize that you have no awesome life.

PUA is the supplement to a fun life, not the whole thing.

Also, if you make PUA your whole life, you will be miserable because PUA involves massive rejections. You need something else in your life to make you feel good (activities, friends, etc…). Just taking that kind of rejection without a safety night is not healthy.

THE MORE YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THE WORSE YOU DO

A weird paradox of PUA is that the more you are trying to get laid, and thinking about it, the worse you do. Most guys that get laid will tell you “I do best when I’m not thinking about it” or when “I don’t give a fuck.” The reason for this is because you are less emotionally invested when you are thinking about it. So the way it works is:

1) You learn what you need to learn about PUA

2) You pursue your interesting life and stop thinking about girls.

3) You get laid.

MOST PUA MATERIAL IS A SCAM

PUA material is a scam for several reasons:

1) Their target market is guys who feel unattractive, so they want to sell you a lie that unattractive guys can get laid too, as long as they learn a “secret little trick.” Fact is, you have to be attractive and interesting to get laid. Period. Looks are not as important as guys think, but they do matter.

2) PUA material is a scam because a lot of the “tricks” are just based on shit that happened to work for the author one time and now he is acting like this is a constant rule that applies to everybody everywhere.

3) A lot of the tricks PUA guys teach are useless if you don’t have the confidence and emotional intelligence to pull them off. The most famous example is a “neg.” Girls do find teasing and flirty insults funny and interesting, but a lot of nerds with no emotional intelligence just ended up sound like an assholes. The PUA community is often the butt of jokes on feminist blogs and stuff because of the whole idea of a “neg.” I was once talking to some girls with one of my friends and I heard the girl just yell “did you just try to neg me?” I couldn’t stop laughing.

4) Human psychology is very complicated, so it is incredibly hard to explain “confidence” to somebody in an article or youtube video, just like you can’t explain “love” to somebody in an article or youtube video. A lot of PUA guys try to distill these incredibly complicated concepts into a few words that make sense to them, but are basically useless to everybody else. Also, a lot of problems (depression, social anxiety, weird complexes) require intense and dedicated therapy and can’t be fixed by reading one article on some site.

I’m not saying that you should never read PUA materials. I’m just saying that you should very skeptical and critical of anything you read.

PUA WILL NOT SOLVE YOUR DEPRESSION, LOW SELF-ESTEEM, DADDY ISSUES, ETC…

You need to get therapy if you have these problems and sort yourself out first before you try to get laid. You can’t use PUA as a way to fill holes in your soul. Women do not give a fuck about you (until they become emotionally invested) so relying on them for your self-esteem, especially when you first met them, is poison.

APPROACHING RANDOM GIRLS IS EXTREMELY HARD

One of the lies that PUA coaches teach is that approaching random girls is easy and if you are afraid of rejection you’re a pussy who just hasn’t learned their “patented technique” yet. Bullshit. Approaching random people is incredibly hard for anybody and most people cannot do it. Some of the smartest, best looking, most successful, coolest guys I absolutely cannot cold approach. Humans are wired to avoid rejection at any cost, so our brain attacks us with literally any excuse to not approach. You can override these mechanisms, but it takes a lot of work and self-development. Even the top PUA masters still get approach anxiety because, no matter how much experience you have, your mind and heart is still afraid of rejection and you have no idea who the next person you are approaching is.

YOU CANNOT GET LAID IF YOU DO NOT HAVE FRIENDS

It absolutely blows my mind how many guys here want to get involved in picking up girls but yet don’t have any friends. If you don’t have the confidence or social skills to hold at least a small group of friends, you are not going to have the confidence or social skills to have any kind of relationship with a girl. Period. Also, women are creeped out by guys who don’t have friends.

You can’t fix your issues with lack of self-esteem or confidence with PUA. In fact, PUA makes a lot of guy’s confidence problems worse because they suffer repeated rejections.

Having friends helps you pick up girls because it provides you with social proof, a fun and interesting life, places to go, people that can “entertain” the girls you are with so all the pressure is not on you, and chances to practice your social skills. Most importantly, human beings are social animals and need affection from other human beings, so friends provide us with that emotional stability that we need so that rejections don’t ruin us. When I get rejected by a girl, I don’t feel like shit because I know that people like me. But if you literally have no friends or girls you are fucking, every rejection will cut ten times deeper.

STOP BEING SEXIST

This is self-explanatory. Men and women have some important differences, but they also are mostly similar. You are not going to be able to have a healthy relationship with women if you are sexist.

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