Love is all you need.

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But love, while it rolls right off the tongue, gets twisted in the mind and tangled in the heart.

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Love gets confused with attachment. As in "I love you so much, I could never be without you." This is a statement of attachment, not a statement of love. Possession, jealousy, commitment, agreements--these are all of the world of attachment.

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There's nothing wrong with attachment; in order to live without it, you'd have to be enlightened, and while many of us have momentary enlightened experiences, few of us live from the state of enlightenment. There are healthy ways to attach, and instructions on healthy attachment dating back thousands of years. (Check out "On Marriage" by Khalil Gibran.)

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Healthy attachment looks like love in action, which is why we often speak about love and attachment as though they're the same.

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But there are many forms of unhealthy attachment, and unhealthy attachment styles are passed through generations. Accordingly, there are many unhealthy definitions and ideas of love floating out there.

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There are "rules" and a "game" of love, all set on triggering and manipulating unhealthy attachment styles. It's out there because it works. It can get you sex and possibly an unhealthily attached relationship. Love even might find a way to presence itself, since love conquers all. But the game with the rules is not love.

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Love liberates. Love is a feeling of freedom and approval, and it exists outside of the bounds of attachment and all its many faces. You love plants. You love dogs. You love views of nature. You love hotel beds. You love bodies of water. You love these things without attachment. You love them categorically, delighted to encounter them, understanding when you part ways.

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Naturally, you will want to find a human with whom you can form a healthy attachment. The best way to do this is to truly love everyone you meet, from an open-hearted, detached place. Secure attachment thrives in an environment of freedom and safety. True love creates that environment.

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Happy loving (:

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this is OC, crossposted in dating_advice