One curious aspect of being human is how reference dependent we are. If you place your hand in a bowl of hot water for a minute and then place your hand in a bowl of lukewarm water, it'll feel cold. Now if instead you placed your hand in a bowl of cold water and then placed your hand in the same bowl of lukewarm water, it'd feel warm.

It turns out reference dependence plays a huge role not only in our physical senses, but in our mind as well. A big part of oneitis, I've realized is having your point of reference out of whack. One assumes way too much about a girl texting, "Yeah, I'd love to hang out!", believing that her saying this means she wants to be your girlfriend, because OMG, a girl responded to me positively, OMG! When afterwards she says she had fun, but doesn't really want to keep going out with you, you feel awful, as if your girlfriend broke up with you and if you're not vigilant, you get oneitis. If rather you make your reference point more realistic, that all she wants to do is hang out and either hang out again or possibly nothing more, then her saying she no longer wants to hang out doesn't feel as bad. I believe this is related to outcome independence.

That's just one example, but I've been inadvertently using this to ratchet up interest/attraction with people. A few weeks ago, I told a girl that I was going to be busy the day she wanted to hang out, because I was going to an awesome party at a ritzy mansion. She immediately wanted to come, but I told her that I didn't think they would accept anymore RSVPs. I'm good friends with the organizers, and I knew they would say it was okay if I brought her, but as a courtesy, I wanted to confirm with them first. In retrospect, I realized I was making the girl's point of reference as "Damn, I really wish I could go to this party!", and when I texted her that I got her invited, she was ecstatic. Compare this to simply saying, "Hey, you should join me at this awesome mansion party!" That probably would have made her excited as well, but not as excited as coming from a point of being uninvited to the party and then all of a sudden being invited. I think this is partly relevant to the whole disqualifying/qualifying thing.