A personal success story

Becoming a more complete man is a wonderful process I've been going through, partially thanks to this subreddit, and I'd like to give back by sharing my short journey because it helped me a lot to read other's experience. I'm no player now by any means (and I don't want to be)- but progress has been amazing and I want to support calling progress success.

Personal background before change- early 20's virgin nerd with almost no women interaction, not well kept, sorta athletic, always been charismatic and funny though, busy in life, authentic and avoided nonauthentic interactions.

What kickstarted a change- my sister offered to introduce me to a friend of hers (never happened); but I'm disgusted by not doing stuff on my own and learning along the way. I realized I've been putting romantic relationships off and I wondered if I'm even capable of having them. I realized that I have an issue with being open about my feelings (And later found many more issues) and realized this would help me. This led me in part to stop masterbating which probably had the biggest effect lol.

Guiding principles throughout all the process:

1. Always be respectful. If a woman shows any disinterest, body language or words that signify she's uncomfortable leave her alone immediately (preferably making light of the situation too). There are plenty of amazing women out there and even if this is playing too safe I'm okay with it.

2. Being nonauthentic SUCKS, I HATE it. It's why I never looked at this subreddit because of prejudice; I assumed it's based on deceit. Seeing people talk here about honesty, vulnerability, and later reading Models rejuvenated me and made me realize that by being the person I want to be (authentic and open) I would along the way find romance.

3. Understand what is stopping you, if the answer is fear, don't be a coward and fight it. Just realizing this is not always easy- I'd excuse not approach women by they don't want to be bothered; but after a long thought I realized we worse things ethically like not fighting malaria in Africa, and the real reason is I'm just scared. A quote I liked is "Everything worth doing is worth doing poorly". Life is so long, and there are always more opportunities. It is healthy to completely fuck up. The whole fun part of being an adult is that you have plenty of time to improve. If becoming a emotionally healthy man takes 5 years, so be it (obviously being a gradual process). this is the most important part for me- it's okay to slowly advance if you're advancing

3.5 This is similar to 3, but use the scientific method- a question I've often asked myself is "but wouldn't it be weird \ humiliating\ creep her out?". The rational answer is try- I trust myself enough to know that I can read people who want me to go away. I was constantly surprised that women enjoyed my company and wanted to talk to me- my first attempt at getting a phone number turned instead to a 3 hour walk and talk. I don't always have the courage to face this but I try.

The hurdles I faced

From the get go I avoided dating apps because they let you avoid the real issues within yourself you need to solve. My perspective (obviously affected by many stuff I read) is that dating is a side effect of solving my emotional issues which included-

• Self confidence

• Expressing sexuality

• Being vulnerable

• Ego and rejection

Opinions about changing

1. Changing yourself is hard. I found it even harder to introduce a different me to my surrounding and friends. In fact it made me in general disassociate from my more judgmental friends and adore more honesty and open people. This appears most in expressing sexuality (most of my friends don't), being well kept (just something I was known not to do before).

2. Honestly is amazing- the more you admit openly your insecurities the more confident you become. The more you're honest about your bad intentions, the more people like you. In fact you don't have to worry about being creepy! Creepiness is people being unauthentic wrt to their attraction.

3. Track success from within, realizing the change of perspective you've had.

4. Lower your masterbating dosage by a lot, and quit porn completely. This is weirdly more physical compared to the other points but had dramatic effect on me. I numbed my sexuality for years by masterbating (and being happy, my life was fulfilled otherwise). Lust is a powerful motivator- it also makes approaching more authentic, you truly find people more beautiful. Authentic is always easier.

5. This is related to the scientific method point, but there are PLENTY of fish in the sea, and you probably never left your pond. I knew so few women in my life I figured everything is so risky since if I mess up I'll run out. A good way to learn how plenty of them there are is to go to a university\beach, see a bunch of attractive people, and realize that a large percent of them are single and could be a good fit for you. This is ONE university and ONE beach in ONE city in ONE country over ONE day, you getting just how many amazing people there are out there? This is important because it lets you take more risks, and makes you less needy.

6. I think this perspective usually follows self-confidence but I know initially I was annoyed I was being rejected by women who are probably not nearly as awesome as I am. I know Models says rejection is just a signature of bad fit, but that's not completely true- obviously if you fit but you don't present yourself well you'll be rejected. The most helpful perspective to me is that by asking women you're out you're being so much more awesome- you are refusing to be passive in life and seeking the best you can get. You are the real hero, you are the one developing those amazing skills, and how lucky are you to be able to face difficulty and choose who you flirt with instead of being a meekly worm subject to the will of your surrounding. Furthermore, this is exactly what gives you the edge over other man, and if you want the top %1 woman to be your companion, you better be the top %1 man (AND YOU DON'T NEED TO BE, because a lot of them are chickens- the game is SKEWED for the bold).