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View 1 posts and 28 comments by Character_Let_3982 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Character_Let_3982/r/Divorce_Men06/03/24 09:24 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Half the assets and child support were a given right? So the only thing that can be bartered is the buyout. Do you have a ballpark on alimony, monthly $ / max years? If so, do a present value.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 04:54 AM
2

She only has a single semester left? If so, why not pay it? I mean, you could lawyer up and fight. But how much will that cost?
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/24 05:17 PM
4

Keep the money in something flexible at first, maybe a HYSA. I'm seeing a lot of CDs with 5% rates. Get the decree. Wait a year. Let it bake in a bit. I'm told the decree has some remote chance of being challenged if done quickly but that mostly disappears after the first year. Once you're completely clear of the divorce, if it eases your conscious, throw CS into a 529 (if your kid is young enough) or ear mark it, keep investing, and build whatever deposit you can for her first home.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 04:52 PM
7

She feels I did something to her. No cheating. I did criticize her career though. She does even less than coasting. She plays at work. She has reached quadruple levels in Candy Crush, cultivates 1500 friend on Facebook, etc. We (meaning me) struggled to buy a home. And she went to Starbucks three times a day. That was a big recurring fight. She told me (in a joking way of course) that my purpose in life was to serve her. I didn't laugh. But anyway, I'm more forgiving. I'd rather get along just t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 07:20 PM
2

Advice you can take or leave. FAIRNESS: Suspend your sense of justice, adopt pragmatism. Expect a "it's not illegal unless I get caught" attitude from the ex. Mine canceled insurance, cleared the bank account, sold a car and pocketed the money, cut off my utilities, and lied about her income by about 50%. Expect the courts to not care. In my case, the court was on rails. I couldn't even speak in most appearances. The process didn't even afford me enough time to bring it up. Besides, even if I co…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 02:49 PM
1

A buyout is a high stake game of poker. You can put forward a fair best guess. But it's all choo choo money. Present value is voodoo. First, realize lawyers do this daily. They have calculators. So they'll have an idea of what's fair. You might even see them counter with exact pennies. $169.100.30. The basic PV formula's parameters will be wild ass guesses: Interest rates for the next N years Inflation for the next N years Alimony payment amount Excel has a built in NPV function. Google Sheets p…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 11:20 PM
2

If you're looking for novels... I had a lot of issues with my son. Siddhartha. I also had a lot of problems with my role in my divorce. Till We Have Faces. Both are good for understanding forgiveness. And if you just want an easy read about stupid shit, The Alchemist. It's a good book. Just a little too ... sappy. WEB Griffin, Tom Clancy, Michael Crichton if you just want to get soaked in a sponge of stupid guy stuff and forget for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 10:44 PM
6

My divorce felt like a television set being dismantled around me. I was an actor still doing my thing, reading my lines, still fighting the same fight. And the walls were being walked away and lights coming down. I served my ex wife like you. And I still didn't quite feel the blow until six months later. The reality of it hit hard. If papers were served, realistically, you're past the point of no return.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 10:34 PM
12

I jumped in right away. I was dating while separated. I had a one year relationship, broke up. Then I had another one year relationship. I was honest about my marital status: "my ex and I will never be together again but we are in the middle of a divorce." Both girls had early doubts. And they were valid. But they continued. Both girls were high'ish on the corporate ladder. They were responsible. They were healthy. They were in shape. One owned a 1.5 million dollar house under a trust. There's n…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 10:23 PM
3

Once you're sure... I tried reconciling and played every card I had. Didn't work. So I blocked her entire family on social media and I cranked up privacy as much as possible. While married, I had seen a couple of other guys leave the family. The entire family gossiped at parties, saw it as sport. They passed around phones. They shared text messages, tears, begging, and the craziest private stuff. Big nope. Not all families are as fucked as my ex wife's tho. YMMV.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/24 04:28 PM
7

I expect a recovery to take many years. It's a huge adjustment. I was married about 20 years too. Finalizing my divorce was definitely a mile marker in recovering. I'm a year past the divorce. The sadness is about 25% now.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 02:49 PM
2

OurFamilyWizard may be in your future. It's web based software that is supposed to keep communication focused and civil. Auditable, that kind of thing. I've never used it. I hear it's **** but courts order it at times. For now, be very concise, clear, on target, and keep a record of everything. No advice for physical pickup except to keep distance between you.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 08:26 PM
3

Probably not much you can do. I divorced just as my kids reached adulthood. I was really dedicated to putting my kids through college. My ex wife was of a different mind. She wasn't lifting a finger. She took her share of the home equity and ran. She bought all sorts of new toys for herself and cut the kids loose. So. I really am dedicated. I got stuck with the bill. I think it's rare, but sometimes a judge will enforce an implied contract to help the kids past 18. Established 529's and the like…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 08:04 PM
9

Poor fella probably don’t even want to be on that situation The movie Heat captures this pretty damn well. Fucking Ralphs. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zwx0vN_1VKE
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 11:18 PM
1

LinkedIn learning has some good stuff. It usually skims the surface tho. It won't earn experience. There are a few truths in tech. Most employees feel "imposter syndrome" at some point. Most start as fake-it-til-you-make-it types. There is no such thing as a drop-in candidate AKA every tech position requires learning quite a bit of new stuff. And finally, onboarding can take 6 mos or more. So, you may be fudging stuff for a while. Par for the course.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 05:10 PM
1

Yeah, agreed, tech is risky. Data analysis and software engineering are in flux. But perhaps everything else is too. AI is a threat to most white collar jobs. And there is no crystal ball. If labor pool demands diminish, it'll probably be across the board. AI is making the current software engineering labor pool more efficient. I don't see jobs being replaced any time soon. But I do see labor demands going down as AI becomes an aid. AI can write skeleton code in seconds. If you do go tech, go fo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 04:55 PM
3

Don't look back. Divorce is Life 2.0.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 04:29 PM
17

I'm over 50. The days of "building together" are long gone. 50+ means it's a 1-player game for anyone who has any net worth at all.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 05:22 PM
8

Meditate. The entire "acknowledge thoughts but don't participate" thing really helped me a lot. But there are other useful tools there. Journal. My therapist says hand-written is a must, something about tactile engaging the mind differently. It's a good way to work through thoughts and leave them behind on paper. Therapist also says to not re-read. All of this is a bit too mushy holistic hippy bs. But, go figure, it did help. Find a support person who is pragmatic. This was my dad. He broke up e…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 05:18 PM
3

Not sure what state you're in, but I'd imagine the local courts gather official pay soon after the petition. It's needed for temporary spousal support, child support, etc. So kind of key. CA uses a Declaration of Income of Expenses. It's signed under perjury. Start by looking for an equivalent and seeing what she put down. Talk to a lawyer if she lied there too. Refuse to sign the agreement obviously. You don't want to sign then revisit.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 05:10 PM
3

Same. I built tolerance to it just like any other stimulus. It took a few years. But it's all a dismissive shrug any more. One key skill is being objective. Judge whether each issue is a game or a problem. Be objective about scope, effect, and work arounds. Don't stand on principle. You'll be defending those principles forever and definitely converting a lot of useful energy into heat without much effect.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 03:41 PM
1

"Joined AA in January"
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 04:08 PM
2

Yep. I'm out of the loop too. So this is much different than threesomes, but I also noticed an overload of therapy in the dating pool. Love languages, apology languages, personality types, terms like caustic, emotional abuse, emotional cheating are all new to me. There are four categories, sixteen categories, or a bullet list for EVERYTHING. Some of it seems like psuedoscience. To me, therapy should be a tool to help us understand ourselves or our relationships with others. But any more, it's us…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 04:04 PM
3

Looks about right... I spook when I see more than one "girl's spa day" photo. Looks expensive, like I'm optional but might be picking up the bill. Say no to hiking dates. So many problems. Different hiking paces. Not fun walking single file talking to the back of the head. Sweaty. Disaster. But it's a common second date proposal from women. Realize that a lot of women have the same issues with men. Ghosted. Led on. Dick picks. OLD sucks for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 03:54 PM
1

Perhaps prep with some soul searching on motivation, both yours and hers. I don't want to make presumptions on the intertubes. But... it sounds like you're sentimental, hopeful for reconciliation once she realizes the financial fallout. This may or may not happen. Be prepared if things go sideways. Knowing worst case scenarios can temper reactions a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 03:48 PM
1

Exes often try to get under the skin. Gray rocking is a strategy to prevent negative reactions and mulling. A coworker divorced. He and his wife shared their home for about a year during the divorce. They moved to separate bedrooms. She put locks on her door. He felt it implied past or future abuse. It worked him up a bit, which is actually kind of normal in my opinion. But if he took action, it'd help her make a point. The locks were honestly harmless. Who cares. His next best move was to compl…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 03:36 PM
6

Dating sites are full of women who have been single since their divorce. Ten years is common for my age bracket. I've never found stability in relationships with these women. I feel they desperately want someone at first but later demand everything be on their terms. So it's love bombing followed by pretty insane "this is how I do things, you should too" rules. Not limited to women. I think this is just human nature. We get used to the alarm clock being set for 6:00 am. When it's not, it's a big…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 10:31 PM
1

STBX's are on a spectrum. It sounds like you got a difficult one. Me too. Mine didn't cooperate. The mechanics in my state don't really offer a control until about year two. We hemorrhaged a lot of money in needless fees and waste. She considered this winning. Showing her the cost encouraged her. I was hoping to finish in six months. I made the mistake of telling her this. It's three years later and we're almost done. She had to be force stepped through most of it. Advice: serenity prayer, gray …
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 10:12 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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