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okayestwifey Archive

View 5 posts and 137 comments by okayestwifey on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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11

Show them a RP marriage. Make sure it looks appealing and like something to emulate, not a depressing trainwreck.
/r/RedPillWomen08/11/19 09:27 PM
3

So, the funny part about this is that you introduced her to a subculture, then grew out of it. I'm in a similar boat with a lot of my friends from childhood/high school. But basically, ask yourself if you'd make friends with this person today. If not, it is time for some distance. You don't have to necessarily not talk to her ever again, or cut her off, but distance. You don't need to involve yourself in her life or try to influence it. She's an adult, she's doing what she wants. Maybe she won't…
/r/RedPillWomen30/10/19 11:10 PM
9

They eat more calories than they expend.
/r/RedPillWomen13/08/19 12:48 AM
25

So, this might be him being inconsiderate, but more likely he just doesn't think birthdays are important once you hit adulthood.
/r/RedPillWomen08/08/19 12:40 AM
5

I agree it's really hard, but you see for yourself that it's really helpful in building intimacy and strengthening a relationship. I think one of the main things I see as the difference between RP and BP approaches is that a BP perspective would tell you "It's not FAIR you have to keep your mouth shut, that's oppressive!" but it's not about what may or may not be fair (I actually disagree that it's unfair, despite having that exact same inner pouting toddler, but it's not about that). It's about…
/r/RedPillWomen05/08/19 08:44 PM
17

Sitting with your legs closed.
/r/RedPillWomen30/06/19 08:01 PM
2

Brush teeth, drink some water, and either come hair or pull it into a bun that's at least semi the right shape for you, depending on what hair type you have. Tinted chapstick goes a long way too. Then you can leave your room at least enough to do the rest of your morning routine, which is essential for everyone, but especially people who aren't natural morning people.
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/19 06:35 PM
28

A lot of people are proud of their shortcomings now. It's why the term "adulting" happened.
/r/RedPillWomen21/04/19 01:26 PM
37

This is when to end it.
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/19 05:53 PM
11

I think the author of The Surrendered Wife actually has no kids, and she's one of the best-known guides for the devoted-wife-strong-husband relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/19 08:36 PM
3

My husband would fall at my feet if I made bacon and pancakes for dinner, haha! If he likes it, go for it.
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/19 10:07 PM
17

Came here to yell this! SUNSCREEN! Do not skip a day. Even if it's cloudy, even if you think you'll just be inside all day. Wear it.
/r/RedPillWomen14/02/19 01:15 AM
32

I do, but it's also important to avoid feeling smug and self-congratulating. I do hear you that it's hard to avoid giving what you know is good advice, when you also know it won't be received. The only thing you can do is lead by example.
/r/RedPillWomen13/02/19 05:52 PM
2

That is a little different, especially if you were already going to move. Just make sure not to do anything purely or even mostly for him yet. It's entirely possible that it'll turn out great, and I don't want to immediately squash your dreams or anything, but be cautious!
/r/RedPillWomen08/02/19 03:54 PM
12

Frankly, yes. That isn't a solid answer for it, especially if you think he's so wonderful you didn't think he could exist. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. All I'm saying is don't change your whole life for someone you don't know at all (like him). Edit: Also, obviously you were expecting to meet each other (or, both of you expecting/hoping to meet someone) or you wouldn't have both been on the same dating app, open to this distance.
/r/RedPillWomen08/02/19 03:39 PM
11

I would want to know, first and foremost, if he's so wonderful why can't he find a woman nearby him? Until I have a solid answer for that, I wouldn't be willing to change anything about my life.
/r/RedPillWomen08/02/19 03:29 PM
3

Honestly, I'm not the person to give advice on that since I've never experienced it in its truest form. I THOUGHT I had a higher sex drive, but it turned out he was just feeling run down and disrespected/unloved. Once that was cleared up (i.e. I cleaned up my side of the street), his sex drive came roaring back. I do think it actually does happen sometimes that a woman's sex drive is actually higher than her husband's even at his best, and there's probably good advice out there for it, but that …
/r/RedPillWomen07/02/19 06:12 PM
42

You miss being young. That's the "spark" you feel for them. They're young and fun and carefree, and you're a 42 year old divorcee. The men your age are boring and weighed down by the same responsibilities you have (or your ex husband had, maybe). Disclaimer: I don't know you, this is just what it sounds like.
/r/RedPillWomen07/02/19 04:28 AM
28

Agree that acknowledging each gender's unique needs and wants helps so much with a satisfying sex life! Before RP, we sometimes went weeks without having sex-- I'd be frustrated at him not initiating, and he'd be sick of rejection and not bother. Now we literally want to almost every day, averaging easily about 7-8 times a week. It's crazy! When people criticize this way of relating to each other, that it's "backwards" or whatever, I just think... do you want results or not? Because this is RESU…
/r/RedPillWomen06/02/19 11:39 PM
6

Not the OP of this comment but I like posts because I've seen too many older ladies with suuuuuuper stretched out ear holes from heavy dangly earrings.
/r/RedPillWomen06/02/19 12:28 AM
1

Second this! Love journelle.
/r/RedPillWomen05/02/19 03:55 PM
3

Met my husband online in March 2007 (when it was still a kind of weird thing to do). I was just really unimpressed with the guys at my college and wanted to branch out. He messaged me, took me out, and that was that! We clicked really quickly and I was so happy to find someone who was also serious about his future.
/r/RedPillWomen04/02/19 07:14 PM
16

No, I think if you like it and it's meaningful to you, it's not unreasonable to want to keep it. Have you told him you're more than happy with what you have? It sounds like HE'S embarrassed because it makes him look poor or something. Would he consider adding an "anniversary" ring? I've seen lots of women do that, and just wear three rings, especially if one of them is small.
/r/RedPillWives04/02/19 12:16 PM
3

That's a good dude. Mine has assured me of the same, although I personally hate that I look more like my mom every day. It's the effort they really appreciate!
/r/RedPillWomen01/02/19 07:20 PM
7

I kind of wonder if a lot of guys don't take that into account when getting married-- like obviously, he hopes you stay as attractive as possible, but surely he doesn't expect you to stay 23 forever?
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/19 09:15 PM
5

You might be surprised! I totally think of myself as a Mrs Weasley type (never more than right now, with my middle schooler bringing friends over left and right and making barrels of mac and cheese). But I just asked my hubby that and he answered very flatteringly-- a cross between two cute young characters from shows we like. It's inspiring :)
/r/RedPillWomen31/01/19 09:14 PM
3

To be honest, I don't think you've given enough information to reliably tell you how exactly to say it. Something like that requires a lot of context. I don't know exactly what else she's done that's made you uncomfortable, what her side of the story is, what their relationship is like aside from "close," or what the secret actually is/how much it's something he actually needs to know in the first place. I can only tell you, generally, men will defend the most vulnerable of those they love. IF y…
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/19 03:39 PM
1

If it comes down to it, it's better to have her dislike you than him feel like you're attacking his mother. If it's worrying you this much, tell him when he asks what's wrong and frame it as your own feelings, without assuming ill will from his mom (he'll disagree with and defend that). Just saying "I don't want to cause problems but" before telling him his mom is crazy won't do the job.
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/19 02:52 PM
3

I say this from experience: Be wary of coming to him with problems between you and his mom. He will naturally want to defend the woman he sees as more vulnerable-- which, if you're the one actively complaining, will probably be his mom. If she mistreats or disrespects you in some way, you can say "I was so sad she ________," but don't come in demanding action from him.
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/19 12:18 AM
5

I always respond to "Don't tell him" (from anyone!) with a kind of laugh and a "Welllll you know us, I can't promise anything will can stay secret between us for long!" Everyone just kind of gets to know that while I won't exactly go home and blurt my friends' secrets for no reason, I'm not going to purposely keep anything from my husband.
/r/RedPillWomen30/01/19 12:16 AM
4

Maturity is a choice, it doesn't just magically happen at 30.
/r/RedPillWomen28/01/19 09:32 AM
1

I usually describe the ideal man as being naturally in line with RP ideas (being a leader, being masculine, etc.), but without considering himself "redpilled" or actually being part of the culture there.
/r/RedPillWives23/01/19 08:44 PM
23

The black and white-ness of things is what gets me. People are either GOOD or BAD to them-- never acknowledging how complicated people are and that people grow over time. Nope, they said something dumb on Twitter in 2010, so they're BAD.
/r/RedPillWomen17/01/19 03:11 PM
2

Right, it's gotta be at least a little biological by that logic! Well if you ever have questions or wanna talk PM me. I've been married almost 10 years and am pretty recent to the embracing my femininity thing, but I'm sooo much happier like this than trying to pretend gender isn't a thing!
/r/RedPillWomen17/01/19 12:16 PM
1

Amazingly, the very people I see getting the most passionate about the idea that men and women only differ because of "society," are the ones who also claim to support LGBTQ rights the most, too. Like do they think trans people are just usually full of shit, or what, if supposedly the only difference is "society"? Anyway, I totally relate to being left-leaning politically but adhering to pretty traditional gender roles/views.
/r/RedPillWomen17/01/19 12:37 AM
15

I got married at 22, and I think it was perfect for us. We got to raise a family young (still in progress), we grew together (consciously-- it's not like that just happens by chance), and we combined finances and such so that now, in our early 30s, we're already out of our starter home and in a really nice house in a good town and pretty well settled. BUT, don't marry at 22 just to marry at 22.
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/19 09:08 PM
5

I follow this feminine-masculine, traditional model of marriage, and it's a great place for advice and such from people who agree about certain observable truths (like men enjoy attractive women, men need respect). So much marital advice I see in other places is "Well if he can't handle it, leave him." Which is not in line with what I want for my life and marriage.
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/19 11:18 PM
6

Sorry if this is off topic but I'm intrigued by your response to his mom saying that, and can you tell me more on that perspective? I feel like there's so much emphasis on "spoiled" men whose mothers did everything for them, like it's a bad thing. I want to hear more about captains' POSITIVE relationships with their moms and how they relate to their ability to have a good RP marriage.
/r/RedPillWomen10/01/19 11:14 PM
2

I like them and I wish they weren't considered controversial by so many.
/r/RedPillWomen05/01/19 01:11 AM
14

Thank you for sharing this! I was so excited to see something like this on Netflix.
/r/RedPillWomen02/01/19 09:44 PM
16

Have you read The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle? I really think it would perfectly apply to this situation, especially if he used to be a take charge kind of guy.
/r/RedPillWives01/01/19 08:51 PM
1

artofmanliness.com isn't necessarily a parenting blog, but it does have a ton of great articles and writing on fatherhood today, with a hard lean towards traditional fathering and building a solid family. It's very anti-coddling and old school.
/r/RedPillWives01/01/19 12:17 AM
30

Honestly, IMO all signs point to him being a very closeted gay man.
/r/RedPillWomen23/12/18 07:56 PM
8

I find myself making fewer excuses. I'm a little harsher on myself in some ways, but in others, it's much better.
/r/RedPillWomen22/11/18 01:01 PM
3

Saving this post for later-- thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/18 03:00 AM
2

Literally, asked what's going on. There's obviously some meta deal that I wasn't aware of. I don't know who you are aside from this post, and your post made it seem like people are supposed to or something (and I'm in the sub kind of a lot, at least reading if not commenting). Nevermind, carry on.
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/18 02:58 AM
3

I... didn't say that? But ok. 🤷 Have fun.
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/18 02:53 AM
2

Not uncomfortable, just I literally do not know what you're referring to with half of this? The split? Why would people be asking who you are? You're addressing awkwardness while making a super awkward and cringy post. Who are you even?
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/18 02:42 AM
4

Whaaaaaaaat's going on here?
/r/RedPillWomen15/11/18 02:38 AM
4

People who are untrusting tend to be untrustworthy. People who are always self-conscious like that tend towards narcissism in some form. You probably shouldn't send someone like that (or really anyone?) nudes.
/r/RedPillWomen13/11/18 03:22 PM
2

Al-anon doesn't really have rules about things like that. You'll pretty much find what you find in society in general.
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/18 10:11 PM
10

We don't spank for several reasons, but the most obvious one is that I was spanked as a child, and it didn't work. All it did was make me stupidly brave and defiant and it meant that literally no punishment was enough for me to behave myself. I was afraid of nothing from my parents, and thought less of them for being unable to make their point without getting physical, even from a very young age. With my kids, we use a lot of natural consequences, and those also teach your kid to trust you and y…
/r/RedPillWomen12/11/18 07:00 PM
–

I'm happy I've gotten closer with my sister-in-law. I always wanted a sister but she and I are very opposite "types" and she lived so far away, so even though I've been married almost 10 years now, I haven't had too much contact with her. That's been really nice.
/r/RedPillWomen10/11/18 04:51 PM
9

I'd add (and this should be obvious from your comment too), unless your parents or someone will be home. I don't know about you but this was actually the safest way to have a nice date when I was 17-- cozy night at home, but Dad's in the next room within earshot so anything else was out of the question.
/r/RedPillWomen08/11/18 08:12 PM
3

YIKES. Someone is super bitter. Distance sounds best!
/r/RedPillWives28/10/18 11:01 PM
4

That is seriously unfortunate. Remember when hearing her anti-housewife POV, for her it might be unthinkable just because it's such an unhappy marriage.
/r/RedPillWives17/10/18 08:10 PM
2

In what way is her husband "not normal"? Maybe a different perspective would help her if she'd be interested in hearing it? Would she be open to you coming over for a conversation so she wouldn't have to take the baby out somewhere?
/r/RedPillWives17/10/18 07:25 PM
7

Exactly-- plus, in most cases, aren't you just financially dependent on an employer instead? In very few cases are people truly financially independent, men and women included.
/r/RedPillWives17/10/18 07:10 PM
21

This is probably wrong, or tacky, or something, and just as rude as what they're asking, but whenever other women passive-aggressively ask me why I don't work, or questions like your friend asked, I just answer that my husband makes enough money that why should I work? What would I get out of slaving away for a boss and paying someone else to raise my children for me? And as far as "Isn't it sooooo dangerous to be dependent on him?" -- I mean, sure, I depend on him, but he depends on me too. If …
/r/RedPillWives17/10/18 12:54 AM
8

I love that analogy of 52 pickup! I would add-- if you DO come across a man who does immediately jump and want to pick up all those cards for you, without knowing you, run far away. He has issues of his own.
/r/RedPillWives16/10/18 10:36 PM
5

My heart goes out to you-- it's a hard, hard thing to keep a marriage good through stress, and it sounds like you really want to. Kudos to you for that. Aside from what others have said, the one thing I have found is that it really helps to make it a conscious practice to assume good intentions in your partner. It cuts down on so many of those little fights where things blow up because you're both under so much stress. I mean literally, practice. When you're not in the moment, make it a point to…
/r/RedPillWives14/10/18 09:25 PM
4

She did sort of ask, in a roundabout way-- like "I mean, don't you agree? Isn't this best?" Really in the way that obviously means, "Just agree and support me," so I went with that in this case. It's hard to hear these things and not point out what could be done though!
/r/RedPillWives11/10/18 07:42 PM
6

That's where the self-control comes in. "What if I really, really want to?" Self Control
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/18 02:19 PM
3

Second this! My husband recently started getting sent on business trips, after us never having spent a night apart, ever, for 10 years. It's hard! But the time without him is a great time to work out, try a hobby, have girlfriends over, etc. And then when he comes home, I am more interesting and refreshed to talk to.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/18 02:10 PM
22

1) My captain has provided for our family from day one, without a single complaint, without shirking responsibility, and without fail. He's a guy in his early 30s who cannot relate at all to these articles about "millennials" not being able to find jobs, afford houses, etc. He's committed and steadfast. 2) He has the best sense of humor, ever. It always feels like we're exactly on the same wavelength, and being around him is just so easy.
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/18 01:14 AM
2

Even free groups on Facebook or something like that could really help. I want someone to shame me if I don't work out, or at least remind me that I'm paying for this plan and I'm only cheating myself if I cheat. Just be prepared, if he's a nice dude (not a Nice Guy but just a nice person), he may give you some bs like "Oh but you're beautiful like you are"-- they're supposed to tell you that. They know that. Don't let it set your goals back!
/r/RedPillWomen07/10/18 09:04 PM
1

What perfect timing! I just joined my sister in law's beachbody group last night. I know, I know, it's an MLM, etc. But I need the accountability and guidance so much, obviously this was not going to happen on my own. The biggest difference between this and past diets/changes is that my husband knows I'm on this diet, since we're paying for access and all that. My problem is that he has always insisted he likes my curves, I'm not fat (even when I AM), etc. But paying $$$$ for it means he feels o…
/r/RedPillWomen07/10/18 08:59 PM
6

We just watched all the John Mulaney specials and I hadn't laughed out loud like that in a while.
/r/RedPillWomen06/10/18 07:03 PM
11

Frankly, relationship advice from unmarried/non-LTR women to married/LTR women is always a bit 🙄 for this exact reason.
/r/RedPillWomen05/10/18 12:04 AM
50

I've noticed that the best guys are either natural "captains," or apply RP concepts without it being his whole identity. It sounds like this guy has spent too much time on the internet. Pass.
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/18 07:26 PM
2

It very well may. But you can't change him. All you can do is decide if this is something you can live with. Is he familiar with RP concepts? My husband wasn't and we started out our marriage VERY much with me in the driver's seat, to both our misery. Things are so much better now.
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/18 07:24 PM
7

Is this only with dates? Or is he passive about other things in your life too? Remember that part of being a captain is delegating when and where he wants to. My husband HATES planning dinners-- he'd rather have a bad dinner than one he had to suggest. If he ever craves anything specific, he'll tell me, but otherwise the "what do you want for dinner?" question annoys the daylights out of him. In your case, this might be one of those things he just hates planning for some reason.
/r/RedPillWomen02/10/18 06:12 PM
3

He won't, and even if he did, just NO. He's done enough already. There is absolutely no way forward without a shitload of baggage that just isn't worth it.
/r/RedPillWomen30/09/18 09:00 PM
28

I do not understand why anyone would even consider doing this.
/r/RedPillWomen29/09/18 07:24 PM
–

Garlic bread with optional seasoned olive oil or butter, and salad to start, and then I did a vegetable lasagna (at his mother's request), which wasn't as easy as I hoped because the vegetables all cook at different times, so I had to pre-cook some, not others, etc. And an apple crisp for dessert, which was nice because we live near several orchards. It went really well and his family commented on how nice everything was, how good our house looks, and even texted me afterwards to thank me for th…
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/18 05:03 PM
11

I live right there in the weird space you've described!
/r/RedPillWomen17/09/18 04:24 PM
–

I am giving my first dinner with my in-laws in our new house since we moved closer to them tonight! I get extremely anxious about this kind of thing, and have had a rocky relationship with them, but it's my husband's birthday so I want to do the right thing. This is a huge step for me in my homemaking and just being more pleasant over all.
/r/RedPillWomen16/09/18 06:56 PM
1

I think if that's what's driving this life for you, that's hard to avoid and stay true to what you know. For me, I choose this lifestyle because it's what evidently works. I read/follow lots of homemaking etc blogs that are Christian and pretty much just skip over those parts. So if it talked religion, it'd be another one of those blogs and if not, it'd be a good resource for purely secular women looking to get into this stuff. I can filter religious concepts out or translate them to my own unde…
/r/RedPillWomen30/08/18 11:13 AM
18

I'd be interested in this if it left out the religious aspect entirely. One of the things that brought me here is the total lack of any blogs having to do with marriage, kids, homemaking, etc. that aren't religious or also focused on a Christ-centered life (which is fine if that's your bag, but I'm personally not and it's not what drives this lifestyle for me).
/r/RedPillWomen30/08/18 12:41 AM
1

In that case, I tend to be more forgiving, at least of their friendship in the first place. Whether or not it's a dealbreaker for you, only you can say.
/r/RedPillWives23/08/18 07:04 PM
3

If he's directly, openly comparing you to his ex, even favorably, that's not a great sign. I know he's said he won't stop being friends with her, but has he indicated why? Also, have you shared these concerns with him?
/r/RedPillWives23/08/18 05:10 PM
4

I know soooo many couples who have no privacy whatsoever, and I agree I'd prefer a little mystery! I use a cup exclusively so there's really no telling except that we can't be intimate for a few days. Also surprising him with a positive test is one of the best feelings, IMO. I've done it both ways (surprise, and telling him ahead of time I might be) and the surprise was way more fun.
/r/RedPillWives22/08/18 07:02 PM
15

I would leave, this is a huge dealbreaker and 23 is still plenty young enough to find a relationship that won't have this baggage hanging over it.
/r/RedPillWomen22/08/18 06:38 PM
3

I really admire using the real words for things. I have a huge problem doing that even now. I force myself to when talking to my kids but I swear it's a feat of maternal strength because I CANNOT with anyone else. The funny part is my husband is 100% comfortable with all that stuff but I just cannot bring myself to be very open!
/r/RedPillWives22/08/18 12:48 AM
5

Oh yeah I didn't think there's a specific "rule" or anything for this-- like what all men prefer. Obviously there are so many types out there! But I'm curious how women besides the "if he can't handle my openly bleeding and complaining then HE'S the problem" type handle this. Mine actually wants to know far more than I like to tell, but I'm crazy private with that kind of thing IRL.
/r/RedPillWives21/08/18 09:12 PM
1

This is all social media drama/nonsense. Even if you manage to get him away from his gf, do you really want a relationship to start like that? Would you ever feel secure in that? You shouldn't. Just don't.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/18 10:17 PM
12

I would add not having a long-term plan. I see too many of my friends spending their 20s saying "someday" they'd like to get married and have kids, and then waking up at 33 realizing "someday" is here and they don't even have a boyfriend.
/r/RedPillWives17/08/18 02:29 PM
4

I have always had trouble controlling my temper and not snapping at my family, and relocating stress has made that worse lately. My husband is ever forgiving, which of course only makes me feel more guilty. On the plus side, I have lost 10 lbs in the last few weeks! Low carb diet, and lots of unpacking and painting the house.
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/18 11:54 PM
7

There's privacy and there's secrecy. Asking my husband not to look through my search history because I don't want him to stumble upon things like "best facial hair remover" or "keto diet severe diarrhea" is different than if I, say, locked my phone every time he comes around because I'm texting my ex. My point is, he shouldn't expect full access to everything, especially if you've given him no reason to think he needs to be suspicious. And frankly, he isn't your husband. He shouldn't "demand" mu…
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/18 08:08 PM
3

We've actually had a lot of fun coming up with ideas based on the traditional anniversary gift ideas. Take a look at charts like this: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/4d/1b/05/4d1b054e7a9c453ad0d42ddd7c4fba43.jpg and see if it inspires anything! Like for example, for the wool/copper anniversary, I knit him a hat with yarn from his mom's friend's farm, and he got me some copper kitchenware.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/18 04:44 PM
9

So funnily enough, my husband actually prefers a much more casual/tomboyish look than what I like to wear. So it's an odd place to be in. He still really likes a feminine look when it comes to hair/makeup, but if I wore jeans and a tied up flannel shirt every day, he'd be in heaven.
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/18 04:40 PM
8

Yes absolutely! I attribute this partly to being naturally kind of a bulldozer, and my husband is pretty mellow. So basically when we didn't do this "submissive wife" stuff, I made all the decisions, was the only proactive one in the relationship, and we resented the hell out of each other. I'm still not a doormat, but now it's a matter of gently and respectfully offering input, rather than just leading our lives and then being pissed at the burden of it.
/r/RedPillWomen06/08/18 09:19 PM
16

Thinking of things in terms of people "being red pill" or not will be isolating. Try not to identify people or yourself by things like that and you'll be much happier and get along far better. People likely agree with your actual opinions and values more than you think, but it's the identities that people ascribe to that put people off.
/r/RedPillWomen05/08/18 01:37 AM
1

Thinking of things in terms of people "being red pill" or not will be isolating. Try not to identify people or yourself by things like that and you'll be much happier and get along far better. People likely agree with your actual opinions and values more than you think, but it's the identities that people ascribe to that put people off.
/r/RedPillWomen05/08/18 01:36 AM
11

This is to you and everyone else who posts a "he's great buuuuut" question-- stop treating new boyfriends like your husband. You think he's great, yeah, but maybe this weird pooping thing IS you finding out he's not so great. Take it for the sign it is and move on. Or decide you're cool with it and stay.
/r/RedPillWomen03/08/18 01:02 PM
6

I would, and I think I'd just tell him the truth, that trust is important to me and I don't trust him.
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/18 04:27 PM
21

It sounds like you have every reason to think he'll cheat on you sooner or later.
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/18 04:02 PM
43

I think a lot of overweight women tell themselves all kinds of things about their weight to justify it. In this case, I hear "people are astounded at my weight" a lot (and I used to think so of myself too!) I have come to believe this comes mostly from women constantly lying about our weights to people, so when someone tells the truth it's like WHOA! That's really high! I would have never guessed you weigh that much! But 60-70 lbs overweight is a lot, let's not lie to ourselves (and again, I say…
/r/RedPillWomen20/07/18 10:00 PM
8

This isn't what you're looking for, but as someone whose coworkers did this and then made everyone deeply uncomfortable forever after they broke up, please don't unless one of you is going to quit when you get serious.
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/18 09:09 PM
7

Finish A degree-- it doesn't even have to be the one you're working on now, if you've lost your passion for that. There is plenty of time for kids, and your DH will respect you all the more for being educated. It sounds like he wants a college-educated partner, which is fair if he's educated and high value enough to support a large family on his own even right now. I promise, the education is worth more than the piece of paper you get in the end.
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/18 10:23 PM
1

I don't think you need a conversation unless your relationship wasn't already like this. IF you feel like you have to make sure he sees your roles the way you do, you could casually throw out there one day, "I'm really glad you're the leader type, you don't see as much of that these days with men and women."
/r/RedPillWomen14/07/18 08:10 PM
2

Even short nails can be feminine and manicured, just make sure you're paying attention to your cuticles, polishing the nails (even clear or sheer color makes a world of difference in looking finished), trimmed and even, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/18 11:14 PM
1

Oooh, I second the nails advice! I never realized what a difference it makes until I started taking care of my nails and getting regular manis. Even just a simple clean-up does wonders for how you feel.
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/18 10:26 PM
14

Not bald but I had an ill-advised pixie cut for a while and still struggle with feeling feminine until my hair grows back out. I do it by making sure everything else is on point-- makeup, clothes, etc. Never go for a boyish look (which is hard for me, because I normally like a pretty casual boyfriend jeans and tee look). I might even do dresses and skirts 24/7 if that's something you can see doing. Leggings can be very feminine (I know some don't agree, but ever see a man in leggings? I haven't)…
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/18 09:05 PM
1

I admire you being able to say calmly when you did point out something he might miss-- that's my major malfunction, I CANNOT stay calm about it. And then I feel angry that this is even an issue with us and he didn't learn to drive well as a teenager like I did. Which, of course, no one can do anything about now! I feel bad for not making it clearer in my original post that he isn't dangerous now, just kind of clumsy at worst. The days of blowing stop signs are long over, but I just still have th…
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 11:37 PM
1

In your case, was it a situation where he was actually being dangerous, or just a "that's not how I would have done this"? Having posted this and read people's responses, I'm realizing mine is very much the latter case more than the former. But I do feel like if there is a real danger, it's ok to speak up.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 11:35 PM
2

He has absolutely owned up to not being a good driver at first, but as he points out, he's much better now. I just still don't feel safe, which is the problem and probably IS distracting to him. Sorry, I feel like my original post didn't make that clear enough but I edited now. He's still not like, great at it, but for all practical purposes, I really should not feel unsafe.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 04:02 PM
3

I like this suggestion and I feel like he'd actually be willing to if it means I'll stop yelling BRAKE LIGHTS half a block before he needs to stop.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 03:59 PM
1

Sorry! I really should have worded it differently.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 03:56 PM
3

Yeah, I think I just really have it in my head how he used to drive, but that's a good point-- I learned before I really even should have (my family was big on secretly teaching their 13 year olds to drive), and he didn't really drive until he was like 25 (he learned at 16, never got a license, then took driver's ed and got it at about 26). He never saw my dumbass new driver things like scraping the entire side of my dad's minivan. But unfortunately, I was there to see all the stupid "new driver…
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 03:55 PM
2

I do kind of wonder if part of this is him being SO tense because I'm literally freaking out sometimes. The funny part is, we've been on several long road trips where I drove us out of the city/suburbs, and he took the long highway stretches and I felt perfectly safe then to the point where I could fall asleep.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 03:51 PM
3

Part of our issue is that I used to do ALL the driving since he dragged his feet about getting his license, and it was a huge burden. I do feel bad because my title was misleading-- he CAN drive, I just don't like how he does. I feel like I cemented his "new driver" behaviors into my brain and now I'll never be happy unless he does things exactly like I would.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 03:46 PM
2

I'm not sure of that, come to think of it. My bf was the at-fault driver in the accident, and he was going about 80 over ice on a city street and lost control, but ironically I never felt unsafe in the car with him at the time (probably because I was 16 and an idiot who was just having fun with her bf).
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 03:34 PM
0

I feel like that's pretty harsh on him. Maybe I haven't made it clear enough in my post, but he absolutely does take my position into consideration. He's not condescending or flippant about my concerns at all, just kind of exasperated that I feel the need to be such a backseat driver. And to be fair, he does drive without me all the time and has never in the 6 or 7 years he's been doing it gotten in any accident big or small. It's more a problem of my FEELING not safe, than him actually not bein…
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 03:32 PM
2

He did take driver's ed, but he grew up in a more rural area, so it was literally just operating the vehicle. His parents actually said one time, "I love driving but I'm no good at the part where you have to predict what other people are doing"-- to which I was like, "That's ALL of driving!" And sure enough, in a suburban setting his parents are also absolutely god-awful drivers. He also took a short course when he was an adult getting his license, and that was in the big city. He knows what to …
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 01:31 PM
2

Oh he knows how I feel. And he's been nothing but reassuring that he is VERY sensible to the dangers of driving recklessly (and he's not a "I know I know, get off my back woman" kind of guy, at all). He says that these little directions I give are ALWAYS given right before he was about to do that exact thing, I just do things waaaaay ahead of time. It's a sore spot because of all the fighting over him finally getting his license way after I did.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 01:22 PM
12

Edit to include: I have done the exact opposite of sit there scared like a doormat so far. I am constantly pointing out things it's not even really time to see, just because in my head I'm guiding a 15 year old, even though my husband is 33 and has been driving since he was about 26 and NEVER been in an accident. He HAS blown through stop signs, but now that I'm thinking about it, it's actually been a long while. Just when we're in the car, I am convinced he is gonna do something stupid. As he p…
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 01:17 PM
1

He's annoyed, and ALWAYS says "I was stopping!" Or "I see it!" And I believe him. I'm just the type that sees brake lights and stops like half a block ahead of time.
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 01:13 PM
2

Thank you, that does help. Sometimes I'll try to occupy myself with my phone or something and we've never actually been in an accident. Honestly, I'm such a control freak normally that I absolutely do NOT trust other drivers either... if I could, I'd totally do the same thing to them! He doesn't really understand driving defensively-- But he happens to be the one I'm in the car with. I just need to try not being hyper-aware and paranoid!
/r/RedPillWomen17/06/18 04:52 AM
22

Try to think of yourself as his lover or girlfriend, even after you've been together for a long time. It's easy and fun to do things like waxing, makeup, etc. when you're first dating and you're trying to impress them, but it's appreciated forever. Even though we've been together for 10+ years, and it would be soooo easy to just go into "Mom" mode, when I think of myself as his lover, and see myself in a sexual way, it's much less tempting to granny panty it up.
/r/RedPillWomen14/06/18 01:04 AM
3

I 100% can relate to this, and in my case it is without the "oh but they raised this wonderful man" because honestly, everything good about my husband is despite the way he was raised, not because of it. It's so odd how these smart, intellectual, interesting men can come from a family so unlike them, but try to think of it as part of the price of having such a great guy. That's how I get through ;)
/r/RedPillWomen14/06/18 01:00 AM
37

If my experience is anything, it's entirely possible this is as deep as they go. If boring is the worst they are, it's not too terrible.
/r/RedPillWomen13/06/18 11:48 PM
1

I have been trying to do just that lately, haha! Not my own but at least a basic boys' haircut. It's totally worth learning.
/r/RedPillWomen11/06/18 05:10 AM
3

This may sound silly, but I actually really wish I had learned to cut hair. I have a Master's degree I don't really use (I'm a SAHM), and whenever I think about it, I totally wish I'd learned something practical, that I could make a little side money with easily, and cut my own kids' hair. That being said, I am still very glad I went to college, got my degree, etc. for all the reasons other commenters have listed. Would my high-earning hubs be into a woman he can't even have a decent conversatio…
/r/RedPillWomen10/06/18 09:55 PM
4

One thing I will say on the "training"-- it sounds disrespectful at first blush, but I think we all "train" everyone around us on how to treat us, all the time. For example, if you constantly take on projects at work and become known as the go-to person for this or that, you "train" your coworkers to ask you for things. It's about being aware of how what you do can affect how others treat you, including your partner.
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/18 02:16 PM
4

Why would you bother to respond to this?
/r/RedPillWomen08/06/18 12:57 AM
1

Same here. I got a pixie cut last year. SO. DUMB. The best thing you can do is find a style that flatters the hair you have now (which I'm sure you know), and take extremely good care of it while it grows out so you don't need to trim as much. Make sure you're drinking a ton of water and eating good fats.
/r/RedPillWomen24/05/18 09:19 PM
5

You need something for yourself outside of the kids. Something so that you can factually say, "X did this this morning and it was hard, but I'm also glad I got to go to Y today." While at first this might seem like just another Thing To Do, it will make you more into a whole person and energize you by giving you something other than kids to think about. Get involved with a charity, a hobby, or maybe a social group. Not only will it make you more interesting and attractive to your husband, you wo…
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/18 09:40 PM
5

Also I'll add-- make sure you're taking care of yourself, too. Vent to girlfriends, etc. to take care of that need without unnecessarily adding negativity to his life.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/18 03:53 PM
7

That sounds totally sufficient, especially if you still have limited time at home yourself. It is hard not to project that feeling of "This is what I'D want so he must need that too"! We have really ingrained this idea that men and women would be exactly the same if we'd just forget gender is a thing.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/18 03:51 PM
36

It sounds like the best thing you could possibly do is just make sure that home is a calm, happy place to be for him. More than just dinner and sex, if you have kids keep them well-behaved if possible, pets taken care of, etc. More than anything, show him how grateful you are that he is busting his ass for you. What would be "being there" for you isn't what "being there" for him means. Women like to vent our problems just for its own sake, and "talking" IS helpful in itself for us. For men, unle…
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/18 03:36 PM
7

Candace Cameron-Bure (DJ Tanner on Full House). She got a lot of crap for talking publicly about being a submissive wife, but she stands by it and looks amazing all the time. We have different political and religious beliefs but she's a great example of a RPW in my opinion.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/18 12:29 AM
1

So, short of religious/family reasons not to, the main reason I can see not to is that it makes it harder to break up. This makes it more likely you'll marry somebody just because you feel it's the next logical step, and not because they truly are the right person for you. I can't tell you how many women I've seen stay with completely incompatible men just because they already live together, whether they admitted that's really why or not.
/r/RedPillWomen16/04/18 02:51 PM
1

So, I always had that same physical requirement, until I met my husband who isn't even near that height. It seems to me that that kind of thing feels like a requirement until you find someone who fulfills the actual criteria that you're looking for when you set a requirement like 6' or higher-- in my case, what I was really looking for was someone who made me feel safe and cared for. My husband does that without being 6'1".
/r/RedPillWomen15/04/18 07:36 PM
2

Thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/18 08:55 PM
1

Thank you, we're definitely doing that more and more as they get older. My oldest is 10 and definitely entering that age. I'm encouraging him to go to his dad for advice instead of me most of the time, for example. In our perfect world, he'd just shadow his dad most days but unfortunately, that's just not practical. I mainly ask because I do like to follow parenting type subs, blogs, etc. but most of them are either Christ-centered or act like there's no difference between boys and girls. Basica…
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/18 02:48 PM
3

I wanted the same last name as my children, and to be a solid family unit-- for there to be no question when people heard our names that we're married to each other. I married young, right as I was finishing my senior year of college, so there was no concern over any established career or reputation. It's worked out really well and I'm glad I did.
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/18 09:23 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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