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CedarBrush01 Archive

View 15 posts and 102 comments by CedarBrush01 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
262

LIES MEN TELLCedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 03:34 PM
231

MESSAGE FOR MALE LURKERSCedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 04:07 AM
200

STRATEGYCedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 12:14 AM
189

LEVEL UPCedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 04:15 AM
145

FDS SUCCESS!CedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 04:44 AM
129

LEVEL UPCedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 01:31 AM
108

STRATEGYCedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 03:08 PM
70

STRATEGYCedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 11:25 PM
64

SEEKING ADVICECedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 01:49 PM
63

FDS ANTHEM 🎶CedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 03:32 AM
54

FDS HUMORCedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 07:23 PM
47

STRATEGYCedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 05:01 PM
43

FDS ANTHEM 🎶CedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 03:33 PM
31

RANTCedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 09:21 PM
27

STRATEGYCedarBrush01/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 08:00 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
46

uh... I wouldn't marry him, or even entertain the thought until his actions are consistent with what he's saying for at least 4 months. This sounds like text-book future-faking, with a hint of emotional hysterical bonding (being scared you will leave him, aka bruising his ego, he suddenly decides to step up out of the blue). The romantic in me really hopes he is being genuine. But I wouldn't bank on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 10:26 PM
11

I was in the same position as you a month ago until I decided it wasn't worth the effort to try and get him to adjust to my new standards. He wasn't able to go above and beyond wrt ambition like I was... So why would I expect him to do it once I cOmMuNiCaTeD. I agree and think you should just start over with someone else... After you have spent time getting to know yourself again and becoming cool with your own company, of course. ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 06:44 AM
17

I agree with others who say to pursue your own dreams, no matter what. I think that's the best revenge... Finding your own happiness on your own terms. I went to law school and it feels like revenge against my ex because he told me it was "a very bad idea" that gave him a "sinking feeling" in his stomach. Funny how he never felt that way everytime he stole money from my grad school fund... but like I'd say to him now, it sucks to suck! ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 06:10 AM
56

The biggest sign for me is whether he invests in you with time and money, period. I just ended a relationship with a man who told me I'm his dream woman, yet he allowed me to go 50/50 with him because he was broke. Actions will always be louder than words.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 09:15 PM
10

Actually, the issue is that you approached him at all and he had zero interest in pursuing you otherwise. That's why he isn't initiating texting you. He got free cuddles and that's it. Find someone who wants to chase you! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 09:12 PM
4

I have ADD and yes, I also keep a log of serious conversations in my journal, and try to have important dialogue occur over text so that I can be sure I wasn't just imagining things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 03:21 PM
42

Every time I softened my strong personality, I got walked all over by everyone and ended up in bs 50/50 dating situations (including my most recent LTR). If my friends can handle all of me, so can whoever I choose to date. I don't want or need to open my life to men who get their egos hurt because I can hold my own. The guy you talked to sounded intimidated by you, or maybe just insulted because he suddenly felt threatened that a woman is knowledgeable and interested in something he considered t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 12:17 AM
25

One time, I had been asked on a date with a guy I met on OLD. In the hours leading up to the date, I felt like I was going to violently puke and my fight or flight response was off the charts, despite having walked alone for two hours before the set meetup time? I finally cancelled the date 15 minutes before the date was meant to happen. As soon as I blocked him, I felt good again, as if nothing had happened. I am almost 100% certain he would've raped me had we met. I also have this talent for l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 11:30 PM
0

Isn't the point of FDS to not give a fuck what any guy, NVM/LVM/HVM wants and just be our best selves? Id rather just listen to the FDS playlist that has songs by and for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 05:05 PM
20

This reminds me of when I hooked up with a guy and straight up told him I wasn't going to see him again because he didn't make me cum when we had sex. He and his ding-a-ling were utterly deflated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 03:26 PM
28

I ran into a former high school crush of mine yesterday. I didn't even recognize him because The Wall hit him super hard, but figured he was still a chill guy. Then at some point he said I was intimidating and I remembered exactly why I lost interest all those years ago lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 02:06 PM
3

Yeah, I agree, he is probably changing for someone new. That, or maybe even planning to leave when he has finally achieved his glow up. After all, he knows you won't leave him if he stays stagnant; may as well get in a few more months of the gf/maid/therapist experience before he goes off into his improved life. Cynical thought, I know, but not beyond the realm of possibility. 😬 Prioritize and protect yourself accordingly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 10:35 PM
20

Yes, my thoughts exactly. I have to wonder whether she was probably putting up with a bunch of shit in private from this LVM and when he tried to do a "see I'm so great?!" public gesture, it was all just to much and too fake so she said no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 10:06 PM
3

I love this and am saving it. I think this is how I want my next relationship to go tbh!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 09:55 PM
9

If they didn't have the courtesy to ask me how I would feel if a friend randomly propositioned me for sex first, that warrants a zero explanation block IMO. I had a former friend (who is in a relationship btw) ask me for nudes on his birthday, totally unprompted. I told him I was confused cause "I thought we were just friends?". I only said that to hurt his ego, and then I promptly blocked him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 09:51 PM
10

This gives me a lot of hope actually, cause I'd say I'm similar to her in attractiveness. However, I'm often told I look striking/regal (aka in patriarchal terms, unfeminine) and therefore never know how to gauge for my looksmatch. So far I've only gotten as far as wanting someone HWP, symmetrical face and a full head of hair. 😬😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 09:45 PM
2

I feel this so hard!!! I can't speak to divorce mechanics, however I did plan on marrying my recent ex and still find myself grieving the relationship possibilities. I kinda did that in the last month of our relationship, but still finding grief is not linear. Just know that you're doing what's best for you and that is enough! You deserve to be happy and I hope you don't shame yourself for feeling what you are feeling rn. You can still love an LVM, but we both know we shouldn't be with them. We …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 06:25 PM
15

This. His whole post was a sad diatribe about his woe-is-me story of singledom, rather than asking questions about how he should approach dating/courting a woman and then also being a good partner if she chooses him to be her bf. Lazyyyyyyyy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 05:39 PM
19

I do this too, haha!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 04:00 PM
2

If you have been feeling anxious/uncertain at least once a day about the relationship for more than a month, it's a sign things are not ok IMO and you should leave. Like the old FDS motto states: "if it's anything other than a fuck yes, its a fuck no". The risk of staying any longer is that you're sabotaging your chances at happiness for a future that hasn't yet and may never happen. So ultimately it's your choice. Sending you lots of courage, strength and love!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 03:29 PM
4

Four years! You are one patient woman. Honestly, something that really helped me get to this point is drilling it into my mind that breakups can happen for no major reason. I was also so worried about what my friends/family would think, but funny enough they told me they noticed I'd been less than happy for months now. My happiness comes first, and so does yours. If you realize waiting isn't the best option for you, feel free to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 03:11 PM
3

Hi! Yes, I did. It's only been three days, and so far I am surviving mainly because of this subreddit, my amazing friends, daily workouts and all the therapy I did over the past 7 years. He didn't take it well, and still isn't, because he is assuming all he needs to do is wait around for me to come back when that was never the issue. What WAS the issue is him always directing his attention on to me or his video games, while neglecting his own growth. It made things very unbalanced and frustratin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 02:08 PM
17

Yeah, that sentence opener is emmy-nominated sitcom level of writing tbh. I admit, I giggled because I have worn that suit many a time mysef. 😬😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 05:31 AM
5

It took a loooooot of practice :p
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 12:41 AM
7

I would say, "(insert name), I understand you're passionate about (x), however I've noticed it has started to get in the way of us spending quality time together. I need you to know it bothers me and don't want it to hurt our relationship." Leave it at that. Don't give an ultimatum: this can trigger brief overcompensating that makes it seem like he is changing but really he is just doing it out of fear of losing the relationship, or to placate you. After talking to him, just simply wait and watc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 11:13 PM
3

How tacky and desperate of these men... Clearly too broke and insecure to be dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 09:14 PM
2

He totally misspelled "I just wna fuk"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 09:01 PM
14

if he has been behaving less attentive for more than a couple of months, I would talk to him once about it and see if he changes. If another couple of months pass, I would suggest you leave. I've lived through this kind of thing and honestly, I fought for a year when I should've just walked away at the first sign.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 08:31 PM
2

I needed this reminder so bad. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 08:27 PM
69

that last line is the total and utter TRUTH.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 08:20 PM
16

If you are looking for a sign, this is it and DO IT NOW.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 06:50 PM
7

Hmmm, YUP! Literally would leave him on read until he came up with a time and place to meet. Making plans should be initated by him, and not feel like pulling teeth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 09:22 PM
14

I also do this to the letter and have saved myself from having SO MUCH of my time wasted! I have better things to do anyways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 08:50 PM
3

Ultimately, he lied to you by giving a half-assed answer, and let you find out the truth after the fact. That is enough to indicate he is an LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 08:48 PM
2

I just realized my first post was a comment in the Weekly FDS Thread. Here it is: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/g4pwmc/weekly_fds_chat_checkin_quick_questions_answered/fpbpswp/?context=3 My most recent post about my now-ex: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gxrbii/bf_made_a_joke_i_didnt_like_immediately_defends/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 08:03 PM
6

OP, it seems we are living very similar situations and it might be helpful to check out my very first post on this subreddit, and my most recent one. Save yourself the heartache and leave. If you feel there is a nagging/consistent reason to go, that's you telling yourself things are over. Edit: I would also advise you to find a good therapist, and muster all the support from friends that you can. It sounds like you're not ready to leave him, which is meh, but you're getting great advice here tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 07:48 PM
5

I agree. An ex commited grand theft ($5000+) against me, I charged him and warned his new gf at the time. She blocked and ignored me, so I'm sure he told her I was lying to her out of jealousy. 😒😂 I know I've had the fortune of women in my circle forewarning me about certain men, and vice versa, and it has vastly improved my life. It couldn't hurt for you to do the same, if you don't fear retaliation from him if she rats on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 01:01 PM
26

I suspect my now-ex just got too comfortable with a mediocre life, despite telling me constantly that I inspired him to chase his dreams. I find that hard to believe, since this past year he moved to my city so we could live together but spent the near-entirety of his free time playing video games. It's not like society punishes or admonishes men for not trying harder. They get rewarded for literally existing, while we as women can never do enough. I imagine many men just take that for granted a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 12:57 PM
15

So basically, while dating him you will be on your own when it comes to people treatng you badly. I wouldn't be surprised if he tells you you are "too sensitive" to his or others' comments at some point, too. Victim blaming means that he will likely refuse to defend you from shitty comments/behavior from his friends, family or anyone who chooses to be an a-hole to you. He is showing you that he is NOT on your side, or even on the right side of history. Dump him asap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 10:57 PM
17

I needed this. I'm newly single and the dumper and struggling with guilt and a bunch of nasty feels. So, thank you. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 05:18 PM
4

Update: I told him I'm done, he asked for an explanation. I did my best to be sensitive to him, so I explained that despite us sitting down a month ago and talking about how I was feeling off about our relationship, I still feel off and like things aren't right. I acknowledged I was hurting him again (I will admit I haven't been a great partner in the recent past year and he has been very patient with me; I initiated a breakup and reneged in 2018). The conversation ended with him slamming the do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 04:18 PM
6

Damn. My heart breaks for her :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 01:19 PM
5

Ive been in a relationship of 2+ yers in which the last year I felt this exact same way. I'm ending this this coming week. Just leave. You deserve to be excited about your relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 02:12 AM
6

Remind yourself that you are not responsible for his feelings and him wanting to be more than FWB. If he knows you just don't feel the same and persists, he is choosing to delude himself. You are NOT responsible for his feelings. Do whatever you need to do to be happy again. You don't have to be cruel; just say "This is not working for me, and we need to stop".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 01:46 AM
3

Except you can complain, because when he has agreed to be in a relationship with you, he is agreeing to respect whatever boundaries you have as a person. If he knows that staring at people makes you uncomfortable and he still does it, he is an ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 01:44 AM
68

For anyone, sex worker or not, to even suggest/entertain this and publish it has THE WORST priorities. This makes me sick, because it follows this whole line of sex workers needing to be the ones to take on men with sex violence charges, so that these men can let off steam and not target or harm "civilians"/non-SWing women. This woman is sick in the fucking head. edit: changed my wording.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 01:26 AM
2

Totally fair!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 12:06 AM
5

He is certainly not a sociopath. Just pretty immature
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 12:04 AM
6

Yes, I agree, a joke always has a nugget of truth to it IMO. I am going to wait until Monday when I have moved my stuff out to then text the landlord and then also break up. We already went 50/50 on the damage deposit, and I'm sure we can get it back. If not, I will still be ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 11:40 PM
54

I would feign confusion, like the whole "dumb fox" thing (there's a post on here somewhere about it)! Example: Him: You can get the next one. You: Huh? (laugh a bit) What do you mean? Him: Well, I paid for this round so... You: I still don't understand. Please explain? (smile innocently) At this point, he will either back off (ah never mind, don't worry, yadda yadda), or push further (wage equality/co-opted feminism bs, etc). Either way, employ whatever exit strategy you've pre-planned for if da…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 09:54 PM
3

Can you be more specific about which part doesn't sit well with you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 09:40 PM
4

I stopped reading after the third time he pinned you to a wall. The whole point of consent is to ask a person if they are okay with something sexual BEFORE and WHILE it is happening. HVM understand consent, and won't make moves until they know 100% you're okay with what they are doing. I didn't see him do either of these things. Your friends are right, he is NVM and this is just a precursor of the future: He won't wait for you to say no. edit: addition
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 01:55 PM
1

I'm so proud of you! Your life should always move the way you need it to, and the people you love should be supportive of it. I travelled solo to Europe earlier this year before the pandemic broke out, and if my bf had given me a hard time about it, I would've arrived at my destination single. ;) Thankfully he knows to be supportive. No regrets, and I can't wait to do it again next year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 09:19 PM
31

I find that response from your bf and his friend to be really out of touch and condescending, actually, pretty much run-of-the-mill victim blaming in a sense. My reaction to seeing this video is not to laugh or think "she should've known better", but to actually feel deep sympathy. However, I guess that's because I've had men abuse my kindness and caring, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 04:20 PM
132

I was like this even last year! But how the turns have tabled haha. What it's really come down to for me is making sure my current life is not one that I want to "run away" from, and into some fantasized future involving the people I date. It's taken a lot of therapy, reading and consistent maintenance of my self-worth, but here I am, knowing that I don't need anyone to rescue me regardless of my circumstances. So, maybe look into your own life and figure out what is missing from your internal w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 03:12 PM
36

I don't respond anymore if I get two statements in a row (ex: I left a guy on read today because he responded to my texts from yesterday, and not even to ask me how I'm doing. Just "that looks like a good read" and "the weather's beautiful today"). One thing I realized with my last dating venture with an LVM is he never actually really asked me questions about myself! We just kinda said stuff to each other on a topic and it felt very odd and impersonal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 04:29 AM
10

I grew up in a very tumultous home, to the point where I think I was dissociating the entire time I connected/hooked up with a 31 year old when I was on the verge of turning 18. It never culminated to PIV sex, which I think is the reason he ended things. Thank God. I think because I was in a constant state of turmoil that felt out of my control, I decided seceretly dating an older guy was me a) getting back at my parents and b) asserting some sort of agency by actively disobeying them/doing some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 06:38 PM
44

I would break up with him. One of the first things I ask a new LT partner is how I can make sure they enjoy sex so that we both have a good time, and my current bf is like this too. It takes zero effort to communicate from the hop, and it's clear he's not only unwilling to do that but totally fucking deluded by his ego. R U N, GIRL.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 05:05 PM
1

Fair point!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 05:01 PM
76

I wish we had the Count from Sesame Street do these for/with us. Well, here goes! 1.Calling his personality (?) traits "perks" looking for LTR on tinder/future faking mocking use of the word "like" aka thinly veiled misogyny (how passe). Actively okay with 10 yr+ age gap with his teenaged dates (eugh) General attitude of him picking and choosing, not him trying to meet standards of women (super liking profiles) Looking down on instagram influencers, and/or assuming OLD matches are trying to boos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 06:13 PM
54

Now that I think about it... One pattern I've noticed in LVM is their strange inability to stay away from their phone when I leave the room for more than two minutes. Maybe this is more so generational in a sense that we all have access to tech? However, I've noticed that I'll leave the room, come back and inevitably they will be quickly texting people/scrolling instagram... Like really? You can't stay away from the internet for five minutes and just sit in silence, contemplate life or the momen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 05:30 AM
88

Whenever a guy starts talking to me about stuff that necessitates signifcant emotional labour on my part, I pull up this mental flow chart: Is he a LVM/NVM? Ghost. Is he a HVM? Ask the following: --Does he have a therapist? ---If yes, tell him that's awesome and they can give good unbiased advice. ---If no, tell him there's great therapists who can help him with him. Maybe suggest one or two recources if you know of any. Then proceed to offer some short words of understanding and sympathy, and c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 10:08 PM
3

Your fears and concerns are totally rational, and thank you for your courage in asking for advice on a very real and unfortunate topic like racism. We need to talk about it more, especially as women, IMO. Going into an environment where you know hostility is both totally unwarranted and inevitable is scary and nerve-wracking. Honestly, my first thought is it's very unfortunate he can't visit YOU, so that you don't have to be exposed to such a trash environment. Is there a reason he can't do that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 09:58 PM
2

I believe so!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 08:39 PM
6

When I was 19, I got a rhinoplasty for cosmetic and health reasons (ridiculously frequent nosebleeds, deviated septum, large tip and bump). For years, I'd look at myself in the mirror and just... Feel weirdly disconnected from my face!? I'd rarely ever take selfies/photos, and if I did the angle had to be "perfect" and highly curated, and it was just mentally exhausting. I studied the procedure for many years, went on so many message boards and talked to my mom who also had a nosejob and asked h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 08:34 PM
1

What is your dad doing to support you whenever your mother is being a PITA about grandkids? Does he intervene?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 09:58 PM
86

wish it said "emotionally void" instead of a slur.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 03:34 AM
2

Yes!!! Jessie's songs have brought me a lot of solace these last couple of years. I have a funny story about "gatekeeper." I used to be a performer, and used that song for one of my shows. After I was done, a man in the crowd approached me to say "I like the song choice; is it a hint you want to go home with someone tonight?". He left the bar a lonely man lmao.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 03:17 AM
30

The fact that he feels comfortable objectifying any woman to anyone says VOLUMES about who he is as a person. Dump him yesterday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 03:15 AM
44

I'm pretty sure my bf knows I'm in this group and awaiting the day it gets brought up, too... We will see! I hope she dumps this asshole, though. The shoe clearly fits in his case and he needs to get a clue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 04:31 AM
44

As someone who is highly sensitive (ex: can read the vibe of a room before even being aware of it, detect peoples' intentions, etc.) I totally agree with this post. This is why boundaries are so freaking necessary. With them, I'm able to direct my empathy and caring to those who actually deserve it and won't be energetic vampires.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 09:06 PM
50

I'm so sorry he did that to you; totally unacceptable that he would stand by and then blame it on you?!? If it's any consolation, white men always hit the Wall the hardest. I hope he gets his karma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 07:31 PM
15

Thank you for doing this. It should be the norm in all households, and they are lucky to have a parent who recognizes it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 04:13 PM
2

Hi! Yes, I have many tips, in no particular order: 1) He needs to make sure he has a job before moving with you, and enough savings in case that job falls dead in the water. Do not ever even consider using your student loands to fund him/supplement lost income from him not having a job. This debt will hang over you for a solid decade and no man is worth that, period. 2) Research which schools you want to go to, figure out their admissions requirements and aim for a higher percentile on your LSAT…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 10:38 PM
6

For me, the only way a date happens is if the guy plans a date that prioritizes my safety, regardless of COVID-19. This has basically meant I go on picnic dates where he buys takeout from a nicer restaurant, and I bring something inexpensive to drink for us to share. Otherwise it is video dates, or nothing. There is literally ZERO reason why we as women should relax the one standard that gives us a much higher chance of getting home alive after a date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 05:00 PM
40

My heart broke reading this. Sadly, I know exactly what this young woman must be feeling. To have your partner behave like this is unforgiveable IMO. Society is already so hard on Native American/Indigenous women; we shouldn't have to deal with this from intimate partners, too. I hope she gets her pouch back, and she never crosses paths with this racist fucking neanderthal ever again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 03:02 PM
62

Even my childhood dog had the decency to wait until she could pee outside. What the literal eff is wrong with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 08:17 PM
1

Regardless of this guy's motivations, his wife sounds like she is struggling with pretty significant self-esteem and potentially mental health issues. I feel for her as someone who has struggled with their weight to the point of it impacting whether I access public spaces or not. I hope she finds peace with her body sooner than later so that she can enjoy life again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 01:57 PM
52

I'd be interested in knowing how he courted her... I wouldn't be surprised if he had been doing next to zero effort all along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 02:23 PM
1

Frankly... My biggest critique of polyamory in the current social context is how it's been manipulated by colonialism to most benefit mediocre white men. Hearing my community elders share stories handed down from pre-contact, as well as analyses from Naomi Sayers on marriage/family law and Dr. Kim Tallbear on polyamory, indicate to me that the monogamy-based nuclear family is very much a social construct that was forced on my and my kin's nations in an effort to harm and undermine our societies.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 02:15 PM
63

This reminds me of a similar experience I had, except my ex tried subtely convincing me not to go to law school five years ago. We went to talk to the admissions officer because I wanted to learn more about the department, and upon leaving he said he got a "terrible sinking feeling" in his gut about the place. Yeah; no shit buddy. Law school has ended up being a huge levelling up for myself and he is so far removed from my life and probably floundering in some dead-end job just like he was befor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 04:27 PM
16

I view punctuality for dates similarly to that way I treat a job interview: be early or don't fucking show up. There are some rare exceptions, but overall that's my M.O. People will prioritize what matters to them and they will know that I have a schedule/life to get on with, so I don't leave much opportunity for them to play me like that anymore! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 08:37 PM
7

I totally relate to this and it is my normal, at least. I know my anxiety increased as I noticed my partner started becoming more despondent/less invested in our relationship. He seems to be getting back on track, which is good. I would take an inventory of any major/one-time or consistent small changes you've noticed pile up over the time your anxiety has increased. There's so many potential sources: unexamined trauma/attachment issues, you and your partner growing apart and changing in differe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 05:48 PM
4

definitely look for hidden cameras, you have EVERY right to feel paranoid.:( I know someone who has experienced sexual harassment via hidden video surveillance and it's awful. I'm glad I could help, and happy to provide resources. Best wishes to you, you deserve peace and love and all good things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 03:43 AM
5

THIS!!! Her post reeks of anti-blackness and it can/should go off the nearest cliff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 01:53 AM
3

I use this tactic in situations like this: "I'm glad you feel safe talking to me about this stuff, but it's starting to feel like the only reason we are friends. I know that's not your intention, so can we please change the subject? Also, I know a great counsellor/therapist who would probably give even better advice cause they'll be more objective about it all." If she doesn't take the hint after that, dump/"grey rock" her. If she's solid, she'll respect your very reasonable boundary and your fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 01:38 AM
16

I get turned off by any begging whatsoever, whether it's being requested of me or done to me by someone else. Desperation or manipulation are not sexy in any scenario.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 01:02 AM
20

Sending you many hugs of solidarity. <3 Now, to get to your points, with an outsiders perspective/translation: He consistenly and actively chooses to drink to the point of being a nuisance/embarassment to himself, you and anyone nearby. He also consistenly and actively chooses to be emotionally distant and disregard your boundaries, need for connection and togetherness. He is willing to throw you under the bus when someone undermines you. He prioritizes opinions outside of the relationship above…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 12:54 AM
8

You are absolutely right on this. To have a mother show this kind of callous behavior in response to you disclosing being a victim of abuse is really wounding, and can leave a daughter feeling unsafe, confused and gaslit as hell. I'm truly and deeply sorry she reacted that way. Typically one would expect her to act in solidarity and support because she *should* know what it's like to be a woman in this world. It can feel like the ultimate slap of betrayal coming from her, a person who is meant t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 12:26 AM
17

I'm going to spitball here, and feel free to disregard anything that is either totally unaccessible at the moment due to immediate safety concerns, lack of income or community/friend support. I had a NVM father who would emotionally, physically and psychologically harrass/harm my brothers and I, in order to punish my mother anytime he felt she was pissing him off or disobeying his rules (*eyeroll into next century*). My most recent therapist called him a "dry alcoholic", and I'm 99.9% he is a na…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 12:10 AM
1

My bf always makes sure I get off before he does! However I notice I've gone from being horny all the time to wanting sex maybe once or twice a week, max. I think this is largely to do with me being bored: I leave the ball in his court to initiate either actual sex, or bringing new ideas of stuff for us to try but he just doesn't really seem interested in trying. I am B O R E D and I believe my sex drive has suffered as a result.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 04:12 AM
4

If you feel comfortable doing so, I would also email his company supervisor and show them what a huge liability he is to their confidentiality. What a nightmare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 03:14 PM
6

Last I checked, begging an ex for a second chance isn't an HVM quality; it shows deep insecurity, a refusal to accept reality and is straight up embarassing. I would know; I used to do it when I was younger and deluded. Despite everything he has going for him, you may have instinctively picked up the vibe that he is willing to be a doormat in the face of rejection or something. And that's not attractive or healthy IMO. I also noticed you didn't mention anything about how attractive he is to you/…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 01:56 PM
6

No, I've never seen names specifically! I've mainly Just had some variation of "I have trust issues" giving me my weekly dose of eye-rolling. Or the classic, "well looks like I'm back here again LOL"... really, dude?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 02:01 AM
30

Despite always cringing when I see (mostly) men do this, I always love it when the red flags hang themselves and the trash curbs itself. All anyone else looking at his profile has to do is swipe left and avoid that mess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 01:41 AM
19

I'm from one of those cultures (Metis, in Canada) and yes, this is true. Another thing that is important is community roles: there are a variety of genders within/among different nations, however it's understood everyone upholds their end of things. So with LVM/NVM? They would likely be ostracized and potentially shunned for neglecting their roles, not freaking rewarded. And this has been done for MILLENNIA, even before my community existed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 01:24 AM
59

I've noticed an increasing number of men using the hashtag #callherdaddy and it just inherently made me uneasy. Glad to know my intuition is still working.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 06:34 PM
2

I'm so sorry this has happened. Frankly, I would feel so violated if a guy did this and cut him off asap, and let any close female friends know that you've found out he screenshots photos like this, and you're worried he may be doing it to others. In my mind, it isn't even about the picture: It's about the total disregard for obtaining your free and informed consent for him to have the picture at all. It disgusts me that he is lording this over you, and even making you ask for him to delete it w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 04:39 PM
1

Yes, I agree regarding your first paragraph. He says he wants to go back to school and I've mentally given him until the end of the summer to put that into action. He tried setting up a job when he got here, and did have one but immediately quit because it was clear it would put him in the hospital/aggravate current injuries he has. He did have savings, but his car (that we both use) broke down and ate up most of it off the hop. He is turning 28 in two weeks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 03:15 AM
1

Yes, he was doing chores and stuff around the house, and helping my mom who was letting us stay with her for discounted rent until we got our own place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 03:01 AM
5

Boyfriend's personality is great, but he isn't trying to improve himself/his career/interests in any substantial way. I've been with him for 2 and a half years now. We met in his hometown, and he has since moved to mine in June 2019 so we could live together while I go to law school. Since he's moved though, he's been been broke due to not finding work right away, and then got a job that paid shit when it finally came around which led me to pay for a lot of stuff and him repaying me back his hal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 05:00 PM
1

I think you're totally normal in your reaction of your opinion of him changing, and personally I wouldn't go out with him in the near future/or anymore. His actions (especially the breadcrumb-level walking "date") were tacky. I think an HVM wouldn't bother with a subpar replacement date/hangout, and would instead strive to make an amazing date happen even if it took that little bit more time/effort at a later time. I would just drift away to better prospects so he can learn his lack of effort wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 05:15 AM
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