Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 4/20/2020

modernmedusaa · 2020-04-23T07:46:39+00:00

Update to new subbies: Please be patient with flairs. Obviously with more people at home due to the quarantine, we are seeing an influx in new subbies and people messaging mod mail wanting flairs. This will take us some time to get through- so don't be too concerned if your comments/ posts haven't been approved yet, we just have a higher volume to approve than normal.

goldfishgulag · 2020-04-28T20:30:32+00:00

I used to be a totally deluded kinkmesha. Radical feminism changed that but it didn’t offer any replacement strategy for dealing with men, and as a woman who was already married to a man I didn’t feel like I had quite found my tribe in the general population of anti-porn feminists/radfems I was following and learning from.

Even tho I am already married, to a man I started dating at the height of my kinkmesha insanity (we long ago stopped all kink and stopped porn thankfully, but struggled to define our relationship without the toxicity), adopting an FDS mindset has totally changed my relationships with all the men in my life. Family, colleagues, bosses, and yes, the husband. We found our dynamic without replacing low-effort kink nonsense with mainstream patriarchal bs. Replacing my wishful ideology with acceptance of the reality of their sex and my situation has been the best thing I have ever done.

I am getting treated better and getting more of what I want in every social arena. My confidence has never been higher. I’ve stopped punishing myself in so many ways. Previous therapy for my own problems etc was focused on basic functionality and disregarded my wider goals, my marriage, etc etc. FDS has helped me take a wholistic view of my marriage and how I expect to be treated by everyone.

Probably sounds silly, but it connected the dots between my marriage, my confidence/ability to prioritize myself, and my journey as a feminist.

tw231116 · 2020-04-28T14:51:04+00:00

Did you know there is a "Follow" feature for reddit accounts now? Some creepy incel has followed me. Is it enough to block or do I need to take extra precautions? 🤢

duckfeatherduvet · 2020-04-28T09:57:06+00:00

Pffft I went in another female sub thinking they were all happy and supportive like this one and some of the others I've been in... I got a few clearly trolling gaslight-y comments and I was like, okay I can just ignore that. But then it bothered me a bit? So I did a dive on the profiles of the people who'd been baiting me into an argument and one's not long lost her job, another spends a lot of time talking down to people in the sub, one was a fairly new account that screamed 'man' and I don't need to look at any more.

It's really sad that people spend their time acting like that but also sad that I even cared enough to check they were doing it to other people and not singling me out. I get singled out a lot in real life because I've commited the crime of being female and successful, especially by people who I know act gobby online, so I don't understand why it hits differently anonymously. I shouldn't need to have evidence that I can pity someone to move on from them upsetting me. I wish I could be glad that someone feeling power over an internet stranger gave them a kick for a minute or two but I know it's only making their own self esteem issues worse in the long run.

It worries me a bit that I didn't spot or even consider that type of behaviour was going on on that sub before I engaged, or immediately after the first werid interaction. Why did I switch off my gut feeling entering that space? Why did I go to an online community for advice I could have paid for from a trusted source? It's difficult to not engage any further because I have some sort of internal belief that if I keep talking to them in good faith they will realise it's a happier way to live and snap out of it

Supergrl4 · 2020-04-28T04:32:05+00:00

I just found this sub a few days ago and I am so glad I did. I read all the handbook and tons of posts and comments and I am so excited to apply everything to my life. I am at a point where I am not ready to date right now, and I am excited to work on myself and leveling up. I love reading everything you all have to share! 💗

TravelingSula · 2020-04-28T01:16:09+00:00

It doesn't deserve it's own thread but I really want to vent... I'm sick and scare of this pandemic.

My SO and I got stranded in different countries and different continents. Catching the flights our goverments are offering to send us back home wouldn't help us to finally meet again because we are from different nationalities, so we decided to stay put ...

We are certain of our feelings and we are willing to sort out this LDR BS but I must admit sometimes the future just looks...blurry.

k20_4 · 2020-04-28T01:06:19+00:00

Hey everyone, I've been bothered by something. I've had a FWB relationship with someone since before Covid, we're only seeing eachother and are trying to be responsible as possible, but the other night he was talking about how he has no photos of me for a profile picture and then said he did have one photo, which was of my ass, in revealing shorts that I wear to bed to feel cute. I never knew he took the photo, not to mention that he had it saved in his phone, and it really bothers me. I'm not going to keep seeing him but have you experienced this too? Having pictures taken of you unknowingly? Also as a PSA to women to be vigilant.

YarikEnterprise · 2020-04-27T07:12:07+00:00

I'm just done with male friends. FDS has given me the confidence to realize that every friendship I have ever had with a man has been shitty.

And, funny thing? For a long-ass time I've told every girl I knew not to date someone if they didn't seek treatment for their mental health issues. After having one friend kill himself and going through the trauma of that, and realizing I wanted distance from another friendship because she wasn't willing to work on her issues, guess which woman realized she's been wasting her goddamn life not applying that rule to her own goddamn friendships? Hello clue bat, thank you FDS for your consistent posts of 'apply dating standards to friendships' or I might never have gotten there.

honeybeeroll · 2020-04-27T03:56:58+00:00

Well apparently I like to aggravate myself bc I went to check out the dating advice sub, which I unfollowed quite some time ago bc its filled with negative, loser sounding men whining about how they can't get dates and pick me advice. A woman on there said she had moved 3 convos from OLD to text. 2 guys seemed very interested, one fizzled out, and she was asking how to keep the convos from fizzling out and how to re-engage the guy who had.

Someone commented "if they're interested, they won't [fizzle out]" I said that was a perfect and succinct way to put it. I elaborated to OP that as she could see from the 2 guys still talking to her, if someone is interested, he will put effort to the convo. Who cares about the guy who fizzled out! Forget about him, focus on the other 2, if they fizzle out fine let them, if not, continue.

Someone replied to me and said my comment was succinct and perfectly wrong. I checked the guys post history (bc I knew it was a guy). This fucking loser was posting in nofap 🤣. I REALLY wanted to reply to him like "hey OP don't take dating advice from guys who post in nofap" but I don't need to get in an argument with random losers on the internet. So I replied to the post directly telling OP such. She did respond thanking me and that she hadn't thought of that, don't know if she was being sarcastic tho since she didn't use any punctuation.

But can you believe these guys 🤣? Porn addicted and think they're in a position to give dating advice? Who would want dating advice from a porn addict? It's like taking dating advice from a pickmeisha, you'll only attract crap.

killer-queen · 2020-04-26T22:10:03+00:00

Hey I’m new to the sub and just read through the wiki.

Although I do very much agree with the tip and Info about HVMs. I just started seeing someone I consider a HVM and I didn’t really follow any of these rules. He does treat me well - it’s been a number of months...did I fudge it up for the long run by not following the rules and being mostly that “cool” girl? What now?

Lattika · 2020-04-26T19:14:33+00:00

I am very happy with my bf. He is continuously self improving, is intelligent and emotionally intelligent, has a good job. But we have been apart since quarantine and focused on our interests, me on learning German, writing my novel, exercising, learning to cook, and touching up my CV. He is getting into gardening, composing/transcribing music, and running.

Yet sometimes I feel like he is not fully supportive of some of my interests, or that he just doesn't understand them. He is very happy about me getting fit and exercizing, because he is into that as well. But! He told me German is a language for robots and that the publishing industry in our country is run by a specific sort of people who I would not mesh well with (basically he said most YA lit authors are upper-class, bitter, and clique-y). I have no doubt in my mind that this is true, but what gets me is he also told me something that basically comes to "you probably won't publish this book so if I were you, I'd work on something else".

loveavocados · 2020-04-26T17:55:51+00:00

Had a chat with my man last night about our perspectives on engagement...it was not great. We both agree that living together before marriage is important, but he doesn't see the proposal happening before moving in together. I will not live with a boyfriend. Apparently, he ranks engagement as a higher commitment than marriage...wtf. I'm cooked. Take me out of the oven - I am done.

SourceInHerEyes · 2020-04-26T17:55:10+00:00

I'm being stalked/harassed by a man I went on a date with OVER THREE YEARS AGO.

He wasn't bad looking so I said yes when he asked me out, but I got major "nice guy" vibes from him on the date. I declined a second when he asked me via text a few days later, and he proceeded to send paragraphs berating me for "not giving him a chance" and even accusing me of being racist.

Now every 3-6 months he sends me similar texts from new numbers, always to the tune of "I can't believe you wouldn't give me a chance, I thought you were a nice girl but you're just a stuck up bitch who wonders why men use and abuse you, etc. etc." Meanwhile I'm in the happiest, healthiest relationship of my life...

I always just block him, but I'm going to escalate to reporting if he does it again... sigh.

featherflowers · 2020-04-26T17:19:36+00:00

Just needed to say again how much I love this sub. It's part of my daily PD reading plan. I also come here when I need a pick me up throughout the day. Thank you to everyone here for all the great content. I'm doing work on my own but the content brings up things I might not have thought of that I want to work on our explore. I'm just so grateful I found this sub.

RockyCMXCIX · 2020-04-26T16:43:50+00:00

List some songs that embody self-value concepts in relationships. Several of Beyonce songs fit, Lizzo has some good songs as well and I would say some Dua Lipa songs too. I obviously like the pop genre but can you add any songs that fit the theme?

sardinesaladsandwich · 2020-04-24T23:52:40+00:00

I got downvoted on another sub because I objected to the use of the phrase “non-men”. As if women are only an absence of man-ness. I hate this future.

danhellxx · 2020-04-24T20:45:52+00:00

Hi this dudes been being an asshole but I still want his attention, pls roast me for it. We (20 m&f) met at the beginning of the semester & hooked up for a few weeks. Conversations weren’t the most causal, we connected a lot and had gone through similar things recently (hometown friends died lol). He said he was crazy about me and was shocked I’d never been on a date before and said he wanted to be everything I’ve been deserving but haven’t gotten. I made a comment about Valentine’s Day (literally can we drink tequila & order Pizza Hut this weekend just for fun not even saying the day or making him do it then lol) and he basically said it was all too much for him & that we weren’t dating n that shit. Fast forward to now. Its been literally the most annoying months of him obviously not caring enough to actually try but liking me enough to half ass it sometimes. Swiped up on a formal story of me looking hot af n said you look great. I replied you could have been here lol. Follows my private & likes my thing, but not when they’re self deprecating which I find odd. ~no communication, I moved on was absolutely fucking doing my best~ Messaged me asking how I was doing after a simp post on the priv. I chatted lightly that day. Convo carried over a few days Bc of waiting between replying to each other, he said he missed me. I said visit me then. ^most of that I miss you convo was following him unadding me on snap chat, but still replying to me. I asked why He unadded me he said so I could get over him. In the same exact fucking snap he says yeah I might have to come see you. Now nearly radio silence. Tldr: I know I’m an idiot. He’s been kinda dicking me around for a while & I let it happen Bc I’ve never felt that drawn to a human before. I need to be roasted. He literally unadded me on snap and my pathetic ass is still messaging him. Literally sos. Side note I’ve almost un added him back multiple times Bc I know he has other ways to talk to me if he really wanted to. I just haven’t had the stomach yet. It feels like shooting the horse in the head and I just don’t wanna do it.

ReclaimingInsanity · 2020-04-24T19:06:36+00:00

I'm currently struggling with a self-esteem issue-I've realised that I'm only attracted to quite good looking guys who are muscular (ie conventionally attractive, although height is not a dealbreaker for me). I do work out a lot but I don't consider my overall look to be conventionally attractive (I've got a round babyface and childlike body but then a very strong nose that has been described as 'witchy').

While I am working on my health and thus apperance in general, any tips as to how to accept that I'm attracted to men that I percieve to be 'out of my league'.

CedarBrush01 · 2020-04-24T17:00:49+00:00

Boyfriend's personality is great, but he isn't trying to improve himself/his career/interests in any substantial way.

I've been with him for 2 and a half years now. We met in his hometown, and he has since moved to mine in June 2019 so we could live together while I go to law school. Since he's moved though, he's been been broke due to not finding work right away, and then got a job that paid shit when it finally came around which led me to pay for a lot of stuff and him repaying me back his half whenever he could. He very recently got a job a month ago that allows him to pay his full half no problem, and to save in the future. His go-to activities are also reading manga, watching anime/TV and playing video games. He's slowly started doing home workouts with me, but other than that he has no definitive interests for self-improvement.

Basically, I'm asking for advice because I know a lot of threads here talk about seriously trashy men, but the one I'm with is decent but just doesn't match my earning potential right now. I've also noticed that since I've been watching FDS videos and reading content, I'm becoming less and less attracted to him, too. I don't wanna be a pick me, but I also don't want to be a total impatient brat. Help?

duckfeatherduvet · 2020-04-24T13:29:06+00:00

FDS has honestly changed my life. The mindset shift from "I think I can tolerate this" to "Do I want this" has been liberating. I have better friendships, better clothes, my career is so much easier, I can just let go of things now!

sophrosyne2189 · 2020-04-24T11:55:19+00:00

Anyone have tips on how to deal with a situatonship-ex who I still work with. I was hurt so much when the situationship ended but because I work with him, I can't really block him and I still have to act professional. That's okay, I have no problem with acting professional. In fact, I even act pleasant.

But he keeps injecting sly comments or remarks OUT LOUD in my presence like "I'm not single..." Or "Got to go, guys. I'm going on a date." I find it so painful 😭 that I have to tolerate what I find to be shitty behavior (he knows my feelings as I confessed) And because we are in a professional setting, I can't really snap back at him. Add to the fact that I'm averse to messy confrontations so I find it so hard to get him alone and talk to him about it.

Do any of you have an advice about this?

Myplummms · 2020-04-24T11:01:24+00:00

I’m in a conundrum, ladies. I really like dressing very feminine to work (skirts,dresses,heels etc.), but I feel like when I do my male colleagues condescend to me more. To be more cognizant, I kept a tally of times I was talked over or my points ignored, when I was wearing pants to when I was wearing a dress. Over the course of a few weeks, it was almost 3 to 1! My demeanor and assertiveness are the same in both, so I just don’t understand. I feel more comfortable in a dress, but I don’t want my prospects to be hindered because of it. What should I do?

DunRuther · 2020-04-24T01:08:19+00:00

Ladies, is it a HVW trait to ask a guy about his past relationships, or is that just unnecessary? My boyfriend of 5 months was showing me photos from a trip he took with his friends about 5 years ago, and one of them was a picture of him and a girl sitting together and he had his arms around her. I’m guessing it was his girlfriend at the time. He quickly moved on to the next pic and neither one of us said anything.

I’m pretty proud of myself, my old Pickmeisha self would have probably been jealous and would have wanted to compare myself to her, find her on social media and silently stalk her, etc, etc. Now that I’ve leveled up I harbor none of those feelings but instead I am just genuinely curious to hear about their relationship, because honestly we’ve never discussed past relationships other than me telling him I got divorced six years ago.

I guess I’m curious about whether he’s been in a long term relationship, and what the cause of breakup was. Based on the timeline of when the photo was taken, I think there might have been a chance that the breakup was due to him moving out of state, which I admit concerns me a bit more than if, say, they broke up due to incompatibility.

yunggrasshopper__ · 2020-04-24T00:44:08+00:00

Hello,

I am 19 years old and wondering if i’m too young to start using FDS. recovering from four years of LVM toxicity...any tips on how to level up? I want to gain more experiencing dating new people, but don’t want to tarnish it by fucking around with LVMs. Worried my age group is too full of LVMs however.

PaniCmaniCpaniC · 2020-04-23T23:39:09+00:00

So a guy I am talking to said, in response to me asking what he is looking for in a relationship, “a girl that is fun to be around, not materialistic, and above all humble. I can’t stand egotistical people”... it is not really sitting right with me but I can’t put my finger on it. My mom thinks I’m over thinking, so I was hoping y’all could help me, what are some thoughts?

martinideeni · 2020-04-23T15:10:33+00:00

Help me! Is this guy low value? I’ve been kind of seeing this guy for a couple months we are long distance. When I started to see him he was very freshly broken up with his girlfriend of three years (rebound red flag?). Things have been quite casual we’ve gone out for dinner a few times but I’m only being so lenient because I am sympathetic to him leaving a long term relationship and really don’t want to rush the motions and we’ll, the grieving process of that relationship. I do NOT push anything or exert any real effort in the relationship. He doesn’t get any girlfriend benefits from me. We honestly just enjoy each other’s company and are truly just getting to know each other. He’s introduced me to his friends and if the whole virus lockdown eases up we plan to spend my birthday together. Is he a scrub because our relationship is progressing very slowly? Am I a dumbass?

FinlandGirl · 2020-04-23T14:16:18+00:00

Any experience with "artsy philosophical bookish nerd" type of guys? The ones who have pictures from museums on OLD profiles and want to discuss literature and philosophy. They tend to be really interesting to talk to. I love reading and we seem to have similar taste in literature. But are those guys difficult as potential partners?

PsychologicalBeat2 · 2020-04-23T12:30:24+00:00

I'm looking for skincare advice!

I have oily skin and I'd like to see if any of you know a good homemade scrub that could work well with my skin, without stripping it of oils completely

Thankss

moonbeamrant · 2020-04-23T02:30:04+00:00

The guy I've been seeing casually cancelled on our date short notice and I'm still upset about it. Didn't say "it's okay" or anything like that but I did agree to his suggestion to meet the following day (today), though we didn't do the original date idea due to lack of time. Just a short walk, it was nice but I didn't get the impression he felt super bad about what happened and had to make up for it (just a simple apology) because I didnt know how to verbalize it. We may still go on that date but I said I was busy this week/weekend and I'd let him know when I was free for that. I still like him but it's definitely tarnished my opinion of him, what should I do or say so he at least gets the message?

boobjobgirl · 2020-04-22T19:39:43+00:00

I truly love my boyfriend. I shower him with love by giving him compliments, verbally expressing my love, and providing care and support. I am realizing during this quarantine that our relationship is one-sided. He rarely compliments me (unless I am very dressed up) or tries to initiate conversation. I feel like he just goes through the motions. Yet, he still does things like offer to pay for things, cooks, and cleans. I think he's in a relationship with me out of convenience. But he INSISTS that he loves me so so so much. Yet his behavior says disinterested :/

cherieblosum · 2020-04-22T16:29:30+00:00

Anyone else see the trailer for the new TV show "Dummy"? It's a Pickmeisha hell based on a true story. A much younger woman dating an old man. When they sleep together, she discovers the old scrote has a sex doll. Instead of throwing the whole man away, the show delves into her "insecurity" around this. And apparently the doll talks and is a "feminist."

KairosnPistis · 2020-04-22T15:43:37+00:00

Just discovered this sub but on my own I have been reading and applying many of the concepts from recommended books on the wiki for the past 4 years so I’m so excited to see this community exists! In the past when I’ve shared the principles outside with girlfriends IRL like how I don’t initiate or pursue in anyway, not touching doors is a personal favorite, but I’ve gotten a lot of criticism from my girlfriends about being high maintenance etc so it means a lot to me to find other women using the same principles.

A lot of my favorite part of reddit has been getting to respond to other women and provide encouragement I didn’t receive at the time to women who are a few years behind me who are in the process of leaving abusive relationships so community to connect and encourage here even when it’s with tough truth is so valuable in the long run.

It’s taken a number of years to sort out the damage from the dv partnership that destroyed nearly every area of my life but I’m so grateful that with a ton of effort and small right decisions moving away from my old self harming pickmeisha habits and ways I’ve repaired so much of my life and I’m 100% confident I can make different decisions in the future and have very different outcomes. Also just accomplished my goal of being single for a whole year after a lifetime of back to back LTR’s since I was 16 and so happy I’ve taken the time to be with and focus on myself.

I won’t date again until I’m totally secure in my career, finances and self esteem. I’ve nearly devoured everything in the wiki and handbook, I’m sorry if this is considered redundant or not allowed, but what were your best or recommended sources for growing into a Queen’s mentality??

I have girlfriends with Queen’s mentalities who would have never gotten stuck in the dark places and situations I did, but I’m still learning how to build that Queen mentality and high self esteem and apply it to all areas of my life.

Edit: sp pickmeisha

nurseleu · 2020-04-22T01:28:13+00:00

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VeeAyeKaye · 2020-04-21T23:18:46+00:00

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GreenTeaPopcorn · 2020-04-21T20:19:37+00:00

I realized that because of years of long term relationships (4 years, 8 years) in my twenties and early thirties, and me bending myself/molding myself around them, doing stuff I wasn't comfortable with or enthusiastic about for them, under the banner of loyalty, for the sake of the relationship, "just keep an open mind" etc. I had lost sight of who I was and what I liked.

I've been single for over a year now and it's like I'm getting to know myself (adult me) for the first time.

honeybeeroll · 2020-04-21T20:09:17+00:00

I made a list of issues I'm having with the guy I'm dating and it's actually embarrassing to see all the things I was willing to excuse or tolerate. We've been together for 12 weeks, which is is the longest relationship I've ever been in because I usually dip at the first sign of a red flag. I think I fell into the trap of thinking that my feelings would grow over time if I just stuck with it, but really I just dug myself into a hole. Time to dig myself out of it but I'm a little scared because I know he'll be extremely upset.

The upside is that I've had the opportunity to see that being alone isn't a curse, but a blessing. It's going to take someone pretty unique to make me want to devote any mental energy to them again. Why waste a second on someone who can't even value himself, let alone a potential partner?

Milobear27 · 2020-04-21T16:59:18+00:00

This guy thinks his gf broke up with him because of his ED. In his post history.

Edit: I should probably mention that I can get and maintain an erection with porn but with a partner it takes a lot of work. And medication. The thing is I don’t watch much porn and by no means am I addicted to it.

Uhh yeah that’s not how medication induced ED works bro. You are addicted, deal with it.

DazzlingMolasses7 · 2020-04-21T13:55:39+00:00

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fulltwistinglayout · 2020-04-21T13:50:35+00:00

This sub made me realize that a lot of my smart, hot friends are married to potatoes who are usually about 10 years older and now I’m sad about it.

topumasum · 2020-04-21T13:31:08+00:00

I'm exhausted...

canttouchthisnananan · 2020-04-21T10:06:07+00:00

Ladies, I’m sad. I see so clearly now that my mom is with a low value man. I get sad and angry witnessing how he manipulates her into serving him food and drinks and how she’s laughing about comments he makes on her appearance. He even tries to do it to me! I don’t respond with a smile and my mom immediately comes in running to tell me ‘he was just joking’. No, he wasn’t! But I can’t start that argument because it wouldn’t change anything.

I see my dad is a lvm, he doesn’t even asks me how I’m doing in these weird times. My dad can’t emotionally support others. He’s only available for his new wife.

Even my brother is low value, I love him so much but he’s lazy and expect his girlfriend to do most of the work. He’s been coming around a bit after I told him about how my ex treated me and how it scarred me. And I’ve been making more comments about how a woman should be treated in a healthy relationship. But they’ve been together for 10 years, are talking about having kids, bought a house together and he’s still not sure if he wants to marry her! He’s even critical about having kids with her because her genes might cause illness for their kids??? Because a family member of her is sick. Like what? Nobody’s genes are perfect. That stuff makes me mad and sad.

It’s confusing because I love these people, they are my family. But I don’t support their actions. I want to call them out so badly, but it’s just a waste of energy.

I now understand why my bar was so low and how I ended up with abusive and low value boyfriends, even negative value boyfriends. I’m working very hard on myself to adjust this. I’m learning I deserve more.

Meredeen · 2020-04-21T05:06:37+00:00

Is there... any way I can 'rewire' my brain to undo the damage that porn has done? I'm not a porn addict, rather I have a disturbing fetish which I don't want to have anymore. It came about because I was exposed to content that I shouldn't have been exposed to at a developing age. For months now I have been trying to push it away whenever I think about it, but it still has a hold on me physiologically.

Any hope for me in fixing this? Or just something I have to shove down forever and try not to think too lowly of myself for? Obviously I have completely cut off from any pornographic content, visual or even literary. I feel uncomfortable with my sexuality. I tried researching on the matter, but maybe I'm not using the correct terminology.

lolumadbr0 · 2020-04-21T01:19:09+00:00

I have a guy practilly in love with me and he's like prince charming. I don't know what to do with this....

Helpp

moonbeamrant · 2020-04-21T01:14:12+00:00

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da_rlene · 2020-04-21T01:10:37+00:00

Hey FDS!

Here’s my question, it wold be lovely if someone could lmk what they think about it:

If you are on OLD, for instance, how do you communicate your expectations in your profile’s bio?

If anything, which OLD applications are considered more or less for serious relationships? I’ve heard guys calling Tinder a hook-up app, while they loved Bumble (because they did not always have to message the girl first, which I find low-effort).

Once the quarantine is over, I want to start dating/vetting men. Obviously, not all of this would be done through OLD apps. Any suggestions?

Thank you!

Lightbeing999 · 2020-04-20T22:23:21+00:00

Hi all! I’m feeling very content with being able to work from home and spend quality time with myself. I’m taking better care of myself than I have in years, I’m in tune with myself, and I feel a greater sense of clarity about my life. I realized under normal circumstances I felt so much peer/societal pressure about being single and it’s been nice to be disconnected from that. Knowing that people can’t date in real life alleviated a lot of pressure. And then I keep seeing articles like this. I saw this quote, and I’m just baffled:

“We have to consider that our first one-on-one date might be on Zoom. The first time we have sex might be on Zoom.”

There’s a lot to unpack there. “Sex”? On? Zoom? Like phone sex, or simultaneous masturbation? Surely this can’t become normal? Can people seriously not wait for life after the pandemic for this? I’m just dumbfounded.

I’m going to separate myself from any misguided societal pressure and enjoy this time to cultivate a stronger relationship with myself. I hope you’re all doing the same ❤️

Virtual Dating Is the New Normal. Will It Work?

DazzlingMolasses7 · 2020-04-20T21:55:00+00:00

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ello-motto · 2020-04-20T21:29:14+00:00

Hey ladies! What's the FDS way of reacting to gifts? I've just been told I'm getting sent a numerous gifts for my birthday. Not sure if I should play it cool or be thankful?

My initial reaction was being impressed and feeling touched/moved by the gesture, but I know us women have been conditioned to be impressed by any signs of effort from a guy considering how low the bar is.

Would love some thoughts on this!

ghostsarerudest · 2020-04-20T19:11:16+00:00

I’ve been dating a HVM for a couple of months now and I noticed he isn’t very generous with me. He earns 5x more than I do (and he knows how much I earn) and we still split the bill. At first I was okay with it but now I’m scratching my head and feeling that it’s not okay. How do I go about asking him or hinting to him to be more generous with me?

PalmsAreSweaty15 · 2020-04-20T19:10:46+00:00

My ex reached out. He lied about being divorced and 2 months into dating me, confessed. I still decided to give him a chance(yes I was dumb) and 2 months later, realized that this man is wishy washy and just wants to sleep with me. I dumped his ass and spent the next 4 months doing my own thing. Focused on work, working out and making new friends in the city. Think he got a little lonely this quarantine. He lost his job and was feeling a little messed up. He called me telling me he still had feelings for me. Then he told me he tried to get back together with his wife who strung him along and dumped him again. I was so happy hearing that. He finally got the taste of his own medicine. He was still indecisive about getting back together with me and so I dumped him again, letting him know that I absolutely despise indecisive and dishonest men. So liberating!! Also where do these species come from?

Elegant-Stop · 2020-04-20T16:37:07+00:00

Is there an FDS discord?

prettyexcitingnews · 2020-04-20T16:08:43+00:00

I’ve been somehow weirdly addicted to watching Tiktok lately and cringed so much by all those pickmeisha videos. Videos like always cooking scrumptious course meal for bf, walking in naked to bf who’s playing video game (so so so many guys are playing video games in Tiktok clips, don’t they have any other hobbies?), seeking bf’s attention by making them jealous or doing silly things. Some may be staged but ugh... I just can’t handle. 🤪

the-cool-hedgehog · 2020-04-20T16:01:26+00:00

I have noticed a weird effect from being on FDS for 5 months now. The more I learn and grow, I find myself increasingly thinking about my ex. (We broke up a year ago and have been no contact for the better part of the year.) By "thinking about my ex" I don't mean longing to get back with him, on the contrary - I somehow realize more and more all the shitty parts of the relationship I didn't notice while I was in it, and it angers me more and more. Of course, there is no point in being angry towards him, because I put myself in that relationship and allowed everything happen to me. However, yeah, the anger, it seems to be increasing. Does any of you have a similar experience and perhaps advice how to deal with this? Because I don't want to keep spending my mental energy on someone who is no longer a part of my life, but apparently my mind needs to process the new perspectives I'm gaining since I've been on FDS?

PassionateGardener · 2020-04-20T14:59:19+00:00

I’ve been thinking (quite a lot) lately about standards for HVM and realized that as a bisexual woman, these characteristics of HVM Seem to be very similar to characteristics found in most women. Empathy, communication & comprehension skills, no narcissism, execution of your word, trust, etc. these are all things that I frequently experienced with women romantically and platonically but infrequently see in men (LVMs are abundant). Not surprisingly, I have dated bisexual men and I also found these characteristics to be more prominent in them then hetero men. This is my own experience of course.

VulcanSpaceSquirrel · 2020-04-20T14:10:15+00:00

I was VERY casually seeing a guy who seemed high value but for reasons, he isn’t. I’m not broken up about someone who just isn’t right for me

Now I am currently feeling very love struck for someone new. He passes the initial requirements (income, good to family, respectful, smart, funny, not angry, easy to joke around with, similar interests). I’ve known him for years and now we are just starting to get to know each other romantically. I cannot wait for quarantine to be over so we can really date. Feels good. I am tentatively very happy

Thank you FDS

FinlandGirl · 2020-04-20T13:36:54+00:00

[deleted]

noavocadoshere · 2020-04-20T13:21:38+00:00

this is both a mini-gratitude for fds and a show recommendation post. there's a show on abc that recently premiered called the baker and the beauty. this is a show that i can say has startlingly and accurately portrays a pick-me without disparaging the character herself. it's a honest, refreshing reminder of why not to be one and level up for so many reasons that pilot goes into. i recognized the character being acted out because that was me not too long ago. it was painful and embarrassing to watch but without fds, that probably would still be me. so thank you to fds and all the women here who take no guff and encourage us not to either, and do so while making us laugh and learn along the way ❤

Brisket_Queen · 2020-04-20T12:55:08+00:00

Just want to say this sub has changed me for the better ♥️ thank you ladies so much

rf-elaine · 2020-04-20T12:25:05+00:00

Long time lurker, first time poster. ♥️ I made this throwaway account to avoid doxxing and harassment on my main.

I've been subbed here since nearly the beginning and I love it. I've been married for over 10 years and it reinforces how lucky I am to have my husband. I'm going to participate more in the threads about what a relationship with a HVM looks like.

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Title	Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 4/20/2020
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	37
Comments	260
Date	April 20, 2020 9:47 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/g4pwmc/weekly_fds_chat_checkin_quick_questions_answered/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/weekly-fds-chat-check-in-quick-questions-answered.677983 https://theredarchive.com/post/677983

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