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the-cool-hedgehog Archive

View 6 posts and 160 comments by the-cool-hedgehog on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Mine had lost interest in me after three years of being together and wanted to look for a new supply, but was very careful of holding up the narrative that he is the good guy, so he just amped up the emotional abuse so that I would be the one to leave him (there was no official reason for him to dump me). After I broke it off, sent me a drunken message one night, apparently hoping for makeup sex, removed the message next morning. Then drunkenly hit up on my BEST FRIEND one night, implying she's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 11:14 PM
12

I thoroughly agree about the importance of vetting especially looking out for this aspect. I nearly married and started a family with a narcissist. Several years have gone by and I'm still recovering, unbelievable how deep run the cuts they leave. Haven't been able to let anyone near me since and don't know when and if ever it will happen. I have since then often listened to Halsey's "You should be sad" and the line "I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you" strikes me every time anew. I am …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 01:12 PM
2

I've done it, and haven't given any thought about what people or the ex in question would think about it. Art for me is bigger than anything, I view it as a voice of God, spirit world or whatever you name it, I'm just a vessel for expressing it. If somebody wants to read it eventually as "oh, she's not over him", it just makes me laugh - you think what you need to think buddy, I'm concerned with being true to my artistic expression, not with your projections.
/r/askFDS09/01/22 11:47 AM
38

Yeah. I mean, there are different cultures and family traditions, for instance, in my family it is accepted that guests don't clean after a meal, as it is a form of hospitality. I forbid my mom to wash her cup if she has come to my place for a coffee, and she forbids me to wash my dish if I am at her place for dinner; however, this is clearly not the case if the guy's sister gladly accepted help; meanwhile he is watching her two work and feels unbothered by it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 03:45 PM
5

Yes, I have had a relationship with a man that actually cared about cleanliness and cleaned unprompted. That makes exactly one relationship out of six in my statistics. One of the other exes had delusions about his relationship with cleanliness - he thought himself to care about it very much, meanwhile he kept used dishes unwashed... under his bed for days. When he moved in with me, he bought an expensive vacuum cleaner. Then became angry with me that I wasn't vacuuming all the time. I mean, he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 06:01 PM
9

Thank you for your story and insights! This actually makes me think that such conversations, however cathartic & necessary they might feel when you have both left him behind, perhaps might be even more useful to have while he is still your partner (or even just potential partner), so that you have the chance to avoid the abuse altogether. Thinking about committing to a guy? Talk to his ex first!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 12:09 PM
1

"Im happy and thankful you want to give me a gift. However, I can't make it to your birthday. Perhaps you can mail it? Here is the address. Thanks!" - this would be the outline of polite + boundaries combo
/r/askFDS29/08/21 10:08 PM
16

My stomach churned from flashbacks, this is so painfully accurate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 01:42 PM
19

FemaleDatingStrategy Came to say this. Since I read it here on FDS some time ago, I sometimes even say it to myself in case the question "But really, why am I single?" pops in my head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 03:50 PM
18

Seconded.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 10:16 PM
16

"Shallow"? Quite the opposite. You're taking your life seriously, as everyone should.
/r/askFDS01/04/21 09:48 PM
7

Yeah, this question was also my first impulse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 02:28 PM
83

Listen. I'm not American. I've only started reading reddit a year ago. Only after joining FDS a year ago I first got introduced to the concept of "the wall". I'm in my mid-30s, and I had never heard neither the term, nor the concept of women reaching some arbitrary "best before" date before in my life. Never! And I like to think about myself as quite informed - I speak three languages, work in entertainment industry and study for an academic doctorate degree, so I cover quite a spectrum of topic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 09:50 PM
26

Thank you for your very valuable perspective!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:18 PM
20

Thank you for the amazing breakdown. I also felt all those things, but couldnt have expressed them so eloquently.
/r/askFDS21/12/20 09:55 PM
65

I broke off with my narcissistic ex after 3.5 years. He got married to a new girl in less than a year. It was hurtful to learn, so I digged into some materials and lectures related to narcissism. Turns out, by me dumping him, I had given his ego the "narcissistic injury" - a quick marriage in such circumstances, turns out, is quite common, as it restores the narc's ego and also is a way of him telling the society - "I was the healthy one in the relationship, look, I am married now while she is s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 06:53 PM
1

Girl, the connection was only in your head. For him, you were simply one of many fangirls publicly swooning over him and stroking his ego (I know you think you did nothing of the kind, just some supportive comments, but it is enough that you give him your attention and publicly praise him - it comes off as a fangirl swooning for him). This is a hard pill to swallow, I'm sorry. I'm speaking of my own experience. Musicians are often the worst, lots of them are narcissists who come off as charismat…
/r/askFDS05/12/20 10:02 PM
11

What an inspiring post! I'll list mine. Got familiar with the concept of shadow work. Coupled with therapy, I feel like I've been going through some core changes mentally. It's a slow and difficult, yet incredibly rewarding journey, and I'm thankful that I have mental space for that, undisturbed by dating & stuff. Quit drinking. Asked for a promotion and got it, nearly doubling my income. Got myself out of total poverty. Started to read books more. Reworked my apartment. Started several long-ter…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 10:29 PM
37

Oh girl. Your body knows what its doing - it immediately employed a self-defensive mechanism "when a man shows deviant / threatening behaviour, be nice so that you get out of there alive". Its an automatic response, probably written all into our genetics. Your automatic reaction was actually your instincts trying to save you from male aggression. Try to look at it from this perspective. Hugs!
/r/askFDS17/10/20 09:10 PM
37

I wish yours was a unique unfortunate experience, not a universal pattern all around the globe. It is heartbreaking that this is so accurate for so many women, me as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 05:10 PM
6

Honestly, I don't get the bad rap for Instagram on FDS. Is it an American thing? In my country, IG is mostly used for what is meant to be used - as a site to practice you amateur (and sometimes even professional) photography enthusiasm. I post pictures to remember nice moments for myself, or of my friends; I like the validation through likes and comments of my friends and acquaintances that I can keep in touch with via this social platform. I follow not only my friends, but also very useful psyc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 10:52 AM
8

Been with a guy who didn't want to label the relationship. I asked that we did, he caved in. The relationship broke my heart. Don't do this to yourself. The rules and timeline in the handbook are not there by accident, it is not made-up arbitrary numbers, but is pooled data and experience from many women who have done the field work for you. Deep down you know the answer, that's why you posted here. Protect yourself and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 08:44 PM
16

-You have so much more time & energy to pour into other relationships, such as friendships. -Overall feeling of freedom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 09:53 PM
32

"I'm sorry, what were you saying before you got interrupted?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 09:50 PM
7

Came to comment on this too. It was such a lovely story until this. Sister, why this need to put down other sisters?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 07:43 PM
91

Another one: "Is the zoo open" - wants you to google and suggest things for him, so that he doesn't need to move a finger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 04:14 PM
17

Yeah.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 04:03 PM
13

Love the three exclamation marks on the "thank you" - he seems genuinely surprised his woman should gift him with anything, as he apparently feels gifted enough just to have her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 06:25 PM
19

Yeah, the first blow is followed by the second some time in the future. There really aren't and have never been exceptions to this rule. He'll make sure the sister with a gun is not around next time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 10:13 PM
7

Love your response!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 01:13 PM
7

What is happening to you is completely normal. Let the hurt wash over you, cry and be sad as much as you can, it will clear out of your system sooner. I went through this last year, and I can promise that wonderful future awaits you after you go through the mourning period. I can also suggest following imdatfeminist on IG, she has amazing material that helps building up self-respect after a breakup quicker. Hugs!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 08:56 PM
3

ah, a classic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 04:07 PM
12

Great point indeed. It's a date if it feels like a date for both parties. Dates are supposed to be fun. If you don't have fun or good time, it is no longer a date for you. No need to pretend otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 09:56 PM
12

I'm not criticizing your answers, but just up for discussion: do you think you're perhaps still conveying masculine energy (literary trying to explain him what he is doing wrong)? If I was trying to apply the dumb fox approach, I think I would choose my second reply (after his "our meetup plan") go like this: "Ahh, yes! Excited! Where are you taking me? Can't wait :)" What do you think?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 08:45 PM
5

Got it, thanks a bunch!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:15 PM
8

Thank you for the compliment and clarification! Just to make clear - was my usage referring to the comic appropriate or somewhat questionable? Sorry for this grammar offtopic, it is just here on FDS that I learned that there is something problematic with the word "female", still the word is used in the very title of FDS, so it left me a bit confused.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:02 PM
6

Thanks. This should be added to the handbook imo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 05:53 PM
24

I think it is because the artist needed some minimalistic elements to visually discern the characters. Female gets the long hair, then there are three males. One is without hair, the other with some hair. How should I differentiate the third one? Let's give him a hat and a bowling ball. When the time comes to get rid of the character, let's give him a text that ironically explains the bowling ball part. I think it just adds extra laughs because of the absurdity. P.S. English is not my first lang…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 05:35 PM
6

I don't have any prejudice against Asperger's. I know a couple of people with this diagnosis, and they are wonderful people.
/r/askFDS28/07/20 09:48 AM
19

I hear you, girl. I just keep reading FDS daily and reread the handbook (the PDF edition is really convenient to read) in order to curb my old impulses. It has a lot to do with rewiring your identity. I tell myself: "Yes, you were someone who takes the lead, but now you are someone who lets the man lead. Keep practicing being that woman." I think many of the advice from people who do and teach shadow work are really useful. Like - take a pause and breathe; respond, not react. Observe your instin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 09:49 AM
16

I'm crying!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 08:12 AM
63

I was once with a man with many HV qualities, including the fact that he is still to this point my only long-term partner who never ever considered sex over if I hadn't come. I broke it off because he wasn't HV enough for me (he wasn't ambitious enough in life). We remained friends afterwards. I remember a situation soon after our breakup where I had immensely stressful time regarding my school/professional life and for several days I nearly didn't have time to be home. My home had turned into a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 08:39 PM
12

I'm very happy you found FDS so early on. My advice to my young self (I'm in my mid-30s) would be - don't commit to losers; focus on you, you, you. I've lost my youth and nearly my life to terrible men, because I didn't know any better. Young men can be HV. Can low value boys become HVM - maybe later in life, but you should not be there to witness that process. By no means stay with someone because you delude yourself that there is "potential". For you, there is only reality of what he is now. N…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 08:53 PM
2

FDS stance is to never chase a man. If he can't ask you out himself, he either is not into you, or is too insecure or weak to be a true partner. Your first interaction will set a tone for the whole relationship. You asking for his number will lay the ground rules that you are the chaser. I strongly advise you to reread the handbook thoroughly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 08:42 PM
40

I love how the reason of you not responding must be that "it is too difficult or painful for you to talk to me", he doesn't even allow the possibility that you just don't give a shit about him. If only he knew that instead you posted his screenshot on FDS and a bunch of women light years out of his league laughed at him collectively.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 05:43 PM
11

You're amazing. Ovations!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 09:13 PM
6

This.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 08:50 PM
26

Yep. Not the first, second or even the third time I hear stories like these.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 07:40 PM
26

But I must add that I swipe left also when they haven't written anything on they profile at all. I safely assume they are low effort or idiots by default unless they have a text that proves it otherwise. Not wasting my time to find out their idiocy by matching and chatting. (This comment is for the male lurkers whos takeaway from your post would be - "ok, I'll just leave the bio empty")
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 12:24 PM
11

Yep. Also, if they have been to tens of countries... it most probably means they have been them on work-related trips and haven't seen the country outside of a generic cheap hotel room and the nearest bar for one night where they got plastered. Real culture junkies! :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 12:19 PM
17

In my experience, they either list all the countries they've been to, or just list the emoji flags of those countries (the most incredibly boring profile possible, a waste of space really). Apparently the woman should be So Impressed About This. All I see is - "I have no personality, but I do have a short attention span and I see reality as a body count - either with country or with women." I swipe left immediately if I see this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 12:13 PM
5

Thanks, this was a great laugh. I also decode these texts the same way, but your wording is brutally hilarious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 12:07 PM
1

Slow clap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 07:56 PM
3

Savage!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 07:52 PM
17

I dont' think this is the right moment for you to decide your permanent views on getting married again. You are in a middle of divorce, an emotionally taxing experience, of course you feel someway harsher about the world, reality and relationships. I suggest you finalize your divorce, then take some time to distance yourself from the whole experience, and then revisit your mindset, then you'll actually see how you feel about marrying again. Not really an insight, just a suggestion. You objective…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 07:28 PM
8

Wow, just wow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 06:18 PM
9

Girl, thats a freaking horror story!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 05:59 PM
27

My ex wasn't 100% invested in the relationship with me, because he had recently came out of 7 or 8 year previous relationship, and he felt, and I quote, "he hadn't fucked his share". Unlike the guy in the post, he hadn't been with only one woman ever - he had had more than 10 sexual partners already, but he also felt it "wasn't enough". I don't think he ever cheated on me, but he was always holding back and not reciprocating my love to a full extent because of this. That was, of course, a very h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 01:05 PM
13

Block him - do not explain why. It is important. You do not need him to fix his red flag for the next woman to be deceived about his abusive nature for a longer time than necessary. P.S. I'm sorry you had to experience abuse from a random asshole, especially if you have PTSD. I hope this experience does not stay long with you. You did nothing wrong to be talked to like this! Hug.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 10:22 AM
90

The worst sex I ever had was with a guy who was selling himself as a sex god as well. Now, if a man presents himself like that, that is a huge sign he most probably is completely the opposite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 10:13 AM
98

Yeah, my red flag radar went off loudly there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 10:12 AM
12

I 100% believe that any person who wants to be HV, regardless of gender, must go to therapy. We all have unresolved issues and traumas, and if we do not actively try to seek ways to work on them, we will 100% try to use our partners as free therapists. For many reasons this burden usually falls on women, who spend too much of their mental energy, trying to help their partners who are too unmotivated / stingy to do the work for themselves. So this is what I strongly recommend. Since other comment…
/r/askFDS11/06/20 09:47 AM
6

This was an amazing dissection. And wonderfully written. You're my today's hero, u/divdec! Will be rereading this post for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 08:24 PM
11

I think its just culturally - girls get taught from very early age that relationship and love is hard work, and they are accountable for everything, whereas men are very rarely held accountable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 08:23 PM
25

You are not overreacting. Your gut is telling you the right thing. Such texts foreshadows future WTFs of larger scale, that will just grow bigger and bigger over the time, and it will be more and more difficult for you to leave, as you'll have invested so much and also internalized your intuitive reactions. As for your exit strategy - you should probably find a new place for yourself, then talk to the leasor to remove your name, and inform your bf after you are out of his life in practical sense…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 09:10 PM
16

Just keep reminding yourself that you are the one holding the power to reject, not the other way round. So... relax and have a good time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 12:17 PM
9

This truly is a surprising text from a man. I am happy we started "How to High-Value" flair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 10:38 PM
4

Yes! Witches, unite!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 09:33 PM
8

Congrats on leveling up, sis! Those are some amazing accomplishments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 09:14 PM
17

Thank you! For those of us who haven't had a good male role model in our lives (or a good example of how relationships should be like) these kinds of posts help to fill that vacuum a little bit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 08:13 PM
119

Donna was an absolute 100% FDS queen on that show
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 10:12 PM
5

Yes, and even if this evolve to be the best relationship in history, she will always feel resentful about saying "I love you" first. Been there, never doing that again. The humiliation never really heals, even when you have forgotten the very guy himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 11:47 AM
9

Well done. You deserve better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 10:36 AM
2

I feel like making a bread trail of expectations for men is against the FDS handbook...so I’m torn. I feel you there. I do not want to "raise a man" into the standards, that really goes against the very core of FDS principles. But the men in my culture... It's not that they choose not to be chivalrous, it's that they haven't even grasped that such possibility exists. There hasn't been an example to take from their fathers and even grandfathers. But that doesn't mean that absolutely all of them a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 07:12 PM
2

Great comment, thanks for your time to type it all out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 05:35 PM
23

I live in another European country, and we have no proper dating culture here. "Dinner dates" is a concept only known from American movies. Nobody's dressing up as well (except for attending a wedding or smt like that of huge importance). I've stopped any kind of romantic involvement, as I realized every single relationship for me has started the same way, it is someone you already know, at one point you get drunk and sleep together, and see where it takes you - so no dating & vetting phase by d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 02:41 PM
8

An excellent read, thank you so much!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 09:49 PM
28

I deep down always felt he was “the one” but he never made me feel desired or special. I urge you to reread your own sentence again, and again. And again. Read loudly in voice, if it helps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 02:16 PM
33

I'm not even sure it is fear. I would say it is because woman's love is a divine force, it is so huge and powerful, and forgiving. We just give naturally, because there is so much to give, and we are generous. Men aren't the same. I think one of the truest things I have read on FDS was the sentence: "Men don't love like women." We imagine they do, and that is our mistake. They are not capable of love - in the way we understand what love is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 10:56 PM
35

I partly agree to what /u/penelopekitty said. Most of the society (including many of us, unfortunately) is unknowingly biased towards men, lauding every smallest thing they do. The bar is down in hell. So I wouldn't be happy if we added to this "let's praise the men about the bare minimum" movement. For me it feels opposite to this sub's values. However, I would also be happy about something that would balance out the massive stream of horrible examples. Perhaps a smartly worded flair could be a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 12:48 PM
37

I am so very sorry about the horror you have been going through. You need to get yourself out of there as soon as possible, but also as smartly as possible. Is there a way to help you somehow?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 10:22 AM
15

It's understandable, such amount of positive attention might cloud the view for many women. Unfortunately, this is exactly the purpose of it. The good news is, you still manage to keep a rather clear head - because you took into account your moms words and you came to ask for FDS's input. And that is great. Keep trusting your instincts, no amount of gifts and roses can turn them off!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 10:57 PM
53

Besides this being a rather obvious lovebombing (that you yourself, I'm sure, see quite clearly), I also feel that there's a huge problem with this part: "He said that he saw a picture of me two years ago on his ex-wife's fb, remembered me, then a year later saw me on the plane and recognized me. " He became SO infatuated with you that he remembered you... for years? From one picture? Either he's 1) lying and actually has been stalking you; 2) borderline creepy. The most important thing: he appa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 10:34 PM
3

This is such a great analogy and your response is so kind and encouraging. Thank you <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 01:44 PM
1

Thanks for your response! You are most definitely right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 10:14 PM
3

Good to know it's not just me with the reaction like that. Thanks! Congrats of getting a LVM out of your life, I hope new and much better life chapters will follow!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 10:13 PM
3

Some great advice there, thanks. I don't think it's obsessive, it's not that often, it's just the increasing intensity of this particular emotion (anger). I'm weirded out by it, as I was hardly thinking about him shortly before I discovered FDS. But yeah, I suppose it's just my mind reassessing everything now that it has this new information, and probably my mind is trying to make new behavioral models in case similar situations repeat with different people in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 10:11 PM
3

Absolutely, that's why it's great that we have this space. Many of us irl don't have a circle of strong, like-minded women who will always look after us and give us good advice in situations like these. That's why it's such a blessing to have FDS for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 10:01 PM
25

I have noticed a weird effect from being on FDS for 5 months now. The more I learn and grow, I find myself increasingly thinking about my ex. (We broke up a year ago and have been no contact for the better part of the year.) By "thinking about my ex" I don't mean longing to get back with him, on the contrary - I somehow realize more and more all the shitty parts of the relationship I didn't notice while I was in it, and it angers me more and more. Of course, there is no point in being angry towa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 04:01 PM
22

While I believe it is good for us to share our experiences and feelings in this safe community space, in my experience with FDS whenever a woman feels compelled to ask her sisters something along the lines "He seems great, but I want to double check and run by you these couple of little things that don't sit exactly right with me..." it already means NO, he is not right for you, because your gut feeling made you make this post in the first place, and you gut feeling is right. We should learn how…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 03:09 PM
1

I personally think silent treatment should never be an option, it's a manipulation technique. If you think it is a red flag and you shouldn't continue relationship, break it off. If you think this episode is concerning but perhaps not yet a full red flag (in my opinion red flag is something that makes you realize "leave" immediately), make him know how you feel and talk things true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 08:34 PM
11

D) Absolutely.
/r/askFDS31/03/20 11:46 AM
3

Why haven't you had a date? Is it perhaps because you normally expect a woman to initiate? If you are interested in someone, be confident enough to respectfully ask them out. If they are not interested, respectfully accept it, because there are other people out there who will accept. (By "initiating" I don't mean that you necessarily expect women to ask you out, although there are incredibly many men out there who do; it is also often about establishing the whole communication that leads up to a…
/r/askFDS30/03/20 11:39 AM
9

I got chills running down my spine reading this, as probably all women who have dealt with true violence would. Keep yourself safe, sister. Sending good vibes in your direction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 08:34 PM
3

shouldn't the flair have been "Dump his ass"?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 05:37 PM
18

I am personally repulsed by anyone who uses some bullshit rating system for the looks, even if you're referring to yourself, because it means you go around rating woman like they are some sort of objects or packs of meat. You can start by dropping this disgusting habit, I hope the internet will follow one day. The whole "rating looks" tradition was invented by dangerous, violent males, and that is not a cultural tradition that anyone should follow, I am repulsed it is so normalized.
/r/askFDS24/03/20 05:06 PM
3

I don't have any advice (lots of good advice here in comments), just wanted to say that I also feel this way, and it is exhausting and frustrating. You're not alone in this. Leveling up has its costs as well. But so does quitting any bad habit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 12:42 PM
46

Same here. I think if somebody ever said something about it, they would become absolute nobodies in my eyes, I couldn't respect them anymore. I dislike men shaving their pubic hair as well. For me, the tactile pleasure of running your fingers through pubic hair is quite erotic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 03:48 PM
5

ghosted1996 is currently one of the best Instagram artists out there
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 11:11 PM
100

Hey, I'm in my 30s, single, living with cats and I'm happier than I've ever been in my life (needless to say my youth was largely wasted on LVMs). It's like threatening someone "If you won't eat this shit sandwich now, you'll end up eating cake all day". OH GOD NO, THAT WOULD BE SO HORRIBLE
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 11:20 PM
2

I think you handled it very delicately, kudos!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 08:19 PM
9

I truly wish some ex had warned me beforehand about some of these people. I would have taken into account also a post on social media about them. I would be so happy if such public tradition of women looking out for other women would be normalized. However, the threat you pose yourself which such an action, as indicated in other comments, is real (even if not physical threat, a threat to your reputation and you looking "crazy").
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 02:22 PM
20

My heart bleeds to hear this. I hope it will hurt less one day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 02:30 PM
1

In short, I think "Pick-Me" mentality is just gender-specific way to say "Codependent" (or "love addict", as they sometimes call codependents). So working on your co-dependency issues in therapy and otherwise doing "the shadow work" will heal you from pick-me mentality as well, as it boils down to the same keywords: boundaries and self-worth. I don't want to share my family history, but one thing I recently realized that contributed greatly to my horrendous relationship choices: I had ZERO male …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 11:51 AM
11

Flags ablaze. Gut right. Dump now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 09:55 PM
17

Oh she sees the red flags, and made us see them as well with her detailed enough post. The only thing missing for OP is to admit to herself that she sees them. She wouldn't have written the post if deep down, as an above commenter said, she didn't know the answer already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 09:53 PM
11

Absolutely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 09:42 PM
2

I'm quite new to Reddit altogether (came here after finding FDS), so this is my first award ever given to anyone - well earned!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 09:13 PM
2

This hit too close to home. Thank you for wording this so beautifully!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 07:46 PM
18

More like "Get A Life Adam"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 07:07 PM
2

Great comment
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 12:18 PM
1

I think it's too early to tell. In my opinion smoking weed is better than regularly drinking to "unwind", but being a stoner of course would be a red flag. I think it is good that you took notice of it and take it into account for your future interactions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 12:15 PM
38

I had a partner who stated that if he found out that someone had looked through his private stuff, like phone, email etc., it would be a dealbreaker for him, as it would signalize disregard for his boundaries. I thought it was a reasonable boundary. Years later, when we had long broken up and he had married someone else, I found out he had cheated on his wife multiple times (I know at least two instances, so there must be a lot of more). I now view that his "boundary" was just cheater's mentalit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 09:14 PM
3

Sorry if this is inappropriate, but this makes me see a vision: you two lying in bed, he has just finished, rolls back and asks the ceiling in a bored, sluggish voice: "Still want an orgasm or are you good? I said I'd make you come, remember"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 09:05 PM
2

It's not the case. "I'm sorry for not calling, I had [legit excuse (although I cannot think of any, judging from your previous conversation)]. Is it too late to call now?" vs. "Still want a phonecall or are you good?" Wording gives us A LOT of information - wording shows us the way person thinks. There is something very unpleasant in his wording, like he is already bored with you, and wants to word it in a way you help him out of this quite unpleasant task of talking to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 09:02 PM
4

Similarly to other posters, I also made a list after I broke up with my ex last year. When I look at it now, I see it was already quite FDS-y: is not insecure; must like people, be interested in people and curious about them (not see all communication as a power play - I guess this is tied with not being insecure); has healthy self-respect and boundaries; is ambitious and knows what he wants; must have a calling and talent in the field of his calling; wants children and family; is a feminist (pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 08:54 PM
8

Wow, this amazing, thank you, so inspirational
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 10:20 PM
17

I really don't understand how men don't get it. Their cluelessness is really mind-boggling. It's just like they're half-blind. They have ZERO idea of what goes on in the world and how it (unfortunately) works. And yet they run governments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 09:49 PM
3

I'm sorry for being harsh, but you already seem in a Pickmeisha-LVM relationship dynamic. You are doing all the work, doubting yourself if your natural reaction is "overreaction" and trying to justify his low-effort behavior. There is nothing much to do but to cut this off and keep working on your self-worth. I hope something better comes your way soon! Btw, I have heard (and seen a little bit in my friends' relationships) that musicians are often very low effort and low value. I wonder if there…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 04:29 PM
21

I disagree that it is pornsickness 100% of the time. I have had partners, and especially the last one, who didn't watch porn at all (I know for sure) and enjoyed sex, but also only like every 3 to 5 days. I have no advice for OP, just a pessimistic comment that in my experience such relationship is not viable in the long-term.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 02:05 PM
8

Congrats! Stay strong!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 09:00 PM
25

You owe him fucking nothing. Your reaction of self-doubt is a typical reaction for gaslighting, which is is in turn a typical strategy from an addict and a liar - to twist the situation and guilttrip you into getting more stuff out of you. Charge him for all the time, stress and emotional labour you went through with his lies and bullshit and present him the debt he owes you. If he won't get off your shop space, sell his shit to cover a part of his debt to you. Let him taste his own medicine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 08:09 PM
13

Great job sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 07:30 PM
1

You are right about the real issue. Your suggestions are great, I have already told her exactly all of that, but it of course only works when the person themselves come to these conclusions, other than that it is just words that they can agree, but keep feeling the way they feel. Damn, I wish I could just convert her to FDS to get a daily confidence and sisterhood shot
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 05:45 PM
5

This is great! You are such an amazing friend to think up such a tradition for your best friend! I will borrow this idea and think of something similar. Thanks a bunch and good luck to you too, amazing lady!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 05:40 PM
7

Thank you so much for the valuable sub and your kind words! Will definitely look into it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 05:33 PM
9

it's just... why are men
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 02:02 PM
45

I absolutely agree with others, especially jewdy09, and I would like to add a small input from my side, if it's ok. As others mentioned, you are not married yet and you only have been seeing him for 6m exclusively - I think it is perfectly fine and even a green flag that he didn't disclose it yet, but your reaction seems to me a bit codependent-ish - like you *need* to feel in control and you even become kind of insecure that he didn't disclose to you smt he apparently didn't feel like disclosin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 01:23 PM
35

iv. The initial attraction and frisson in a relarionship fuels the desire for physical intimacy which later, when they realise they get nothing out of the sex and have already achieved commitment, no longer feel the need to put themselves through bad, sometimes painful sex. This was 100% true for me, and now that I've found FDS, I see so much clearer where I erred. I'm very sensual and have superhigh libido, and at the beginning of our relationship he seriously didn't have to do anything, I was …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 09:22 PM
4

This is a valuable advice
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 08:46 PM
3

Please read more FDS to get over the guilt part, perhaps it can help. And definitely look deeper into what codependency is if you haven't already. With this abuser-codepdent dynamic you are actually actively keeping him away from finding a job, because there is no real motivation: he has food, clean house, free emotional laborer/sex provider who even pays him an allowance for simply existing... I personally wouldn't feel too motivated either to find a job if I had such a comfortable life as he h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 09:53 PM
2

Thank you dear! It's really helpful to have a supportive sisterhood <3 Keep rocking all the levels up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 09:23 PM
6

I think most of the work happens in our unconsciousness, so I think it is important to recognize that it is a journey, small steps that will become clearer only after time. I think you intuitively know what are exact directions to go, so just keep trusting your instincts and stick to building habits that benefit you. I, for instance, find that reading FDS on a daily basis helps me immensely, because it constantly reminds of little details in changes of mindset that I would forget or overlook oth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 09:13 PM
13

You got 100% right why such mindset is sinister
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 01:33 PM
7

Ok, I checked, it's set to "Hidden / Only members can find this group". I guess the only way to join is when a member invites you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 04:30 PM
16

Thank you and thanks for all the time and energy you and other mods put in by keeping this sub running! You're doing a very valuable job!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 04:18 PM
15

It's called "The bar for men is so low it's tavern in hades": https://www.facebook.com/groups/593909271093791/ As I understand, it was started as a friends group, but has grown to 8k users
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:45 PM
5

I wish you strength, sister!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:38 PM
46

Yeah, and that's a shame, because I like giving compliments regardless of gender, but now I realize more and more: when a woman compliments other women, she is sharing and expanding her power, whereas a women complimenting a man is actually giving away her power, because it is a power play for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:29 PM
7

poor sister :( a better man would have pretended to accept and rejected her privately, but no, he did not care about massively humiliating her in public that would stay on internet forever
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 05:08 PM
5

Hahahahahaha, I can't even, the amount of delusion and insecurity is simply baffling God, I'm so grateful not to be born and raised as a man. Just to imagine the dark and clueless place they live in, not having any idea of how the world works
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 04:49 PM
9

I agree with other comments, just wanted to add a little compliment - you have a good eye/have developed good instincts by noticing this red-flaggy response and posting it here to validate your intuition instead of brushing it off, so I wanted to give you a pat on the back on that, good leveling up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 04:46 PM
26

I imagine it went smt like this: Him: (the relationship is essentially marriage, yet he is not proposing) Her: Listen, I think we should get married. Him: Oh. Ok. (Half a year passes, he is not revisiting the conversation) Her: So... About marriage. Should we set a date? Him: Sure, whatever. Her: I found this artist that makes great jewelry. I like this ring. Could you buy it for me and gift it to me, so that we could pretend it was not me who asked you to marry me. Him: Yeah, why not. (never pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 04:05 PM
70

This is an interesting aspect to think about. In my last relationship, in the beginning he used to cook for me and always tried to impress me with his cooking skills. As our relationship moved and we moved in together, he started to do this less and less often, until the point when he was unemployed and I was coming home from work, and it just hadn't occurred to him that he should have made dinner (he sometimes had excuses, like "I didn't have money for groceries," or my all time favorite - "I w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 03:54 PM
3

I see where your username comes from, because you just slayed it :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 11:34 PM
2

It's a very simple advice, but have you tried just making a post on social media, saying you would like to make more female friends, is anyone interested? (Perhaps include a list of activities you would like to do together, like going to movies, cooking dinner together, hiking, etc.) In my experience, people often respond to such kind of pressure-free potential friendship suggestions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 02:20 PM
3

Try to look around and see if there are other people around you that you could try to make new friendships with. There usually are. Perhaps approach friendships a little bit like FDS dating: are these people adding good things to my life? That could also take the pressure off a bit from your current friendships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 02:08 PM
16

Jesus, the last part gave me shivers. Distance yourself immediately. Also, remember - if you ever need to ask yourself "Am I crazy/paranoid?" take it as a wake-up call that you need to LEAVE THIS VERY MOMENT. I have not seen a single instance where this rule wouldn't turned out to be true. Trust yourself. Your instincts are right, you are trying to fight them because you want to feel loved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 02:02 PM
3

I think you are smart enough and actually knew this was wrong and it wouldn't be a healthy relationship when it turned out he had broken up so recently. He is confused, lonely, needed an emotional patch and still hurting after the breakup. He is nowhere near being ready for a new relationship. In a year or so, if he works with himself and does therapy. Right now, he's just emotionally unavailable. I'm sorry, I know this hurts, but you'll get over it eventually. He's not capable of giving you wha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 11:43 PM
14

I found this to be some very practical advice: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eqp7lo/practical_tips_mega_essay_easy_classy_ways_to/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 11:34 PM
24

Thank you, sis, this is golden! If you formulate some other practical tips, make other posts, please, these are very useful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 01:02 PM
5

Nice post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 06:58 PM
37

I have a best male friend for 10+ years. The thing is: with a real best friend, you feel secure. You have no need to text or communicate all the time. You can even sometimes go longer times without communicating, bc you know it will not affect your friendship. So yeah, although I believe it is possible to have a best friend from the opposite gender, the dynamic you describe is certainly off. Texting/keeping in touch is also a form of emotional investment. Why should he be investing more in a pre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 06:55 PM
3

So cool! This background really rocks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 05:57 PM
10

I have not read the particular book, but I work in the arts, therefore my answer is - for me personally, it is two completely different things for an artwork: 1) content/plot, 2) artistic qualities/message. Saying you appreciate one doesn't mean you appreciate the other, and vice versa. I think you need to have a more detailed conversation in order to understand what the person means when they say they like a book/painting/tv series/movies, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 11:31 PM
12

I'm sorry your post has somehow flown under the sub's feed radar, as I would have loved to read some comments from more experienced strategists that I don't think I am (yet). Still, what it seems for me: you went to dinner with someone a week after you had met your current lover? A week? Had he already asked you to go exclusive after that week? If not and he didn't, you did nothing wrong. That should have been your answer. Why would you drop everything and pledge yourself to someone (basically a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 11:24 PM
23

Thank you for the lovely feedback, and that is a really great tip! Definitely adding it to the arsenal!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 10:57 PM
90

Slow clap! Btw, was there a response? Or you immediately got blocked, as he went to his bedroom to cry himself to sleep?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 03:25 PM
5

He's clearly a predator. Perhaps with such men there is no need to hide their userpics/names
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 12:23 PM
27

Hey ladies, I found this subreddit a couple of days ago and been browsing it relentlessly ever since. Thanks a lot, I must say it has had a huge effect on me, as a lot of things align with the things I have learned in my ongoing therapy, and the Pick-Me mentality has been a fresh category for me how to look at my own relationship problems. Last year I broke up with my long-term LVM and started focusing on myself, however, some months later I of course relapsed and developed a huge crush on some …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 11:46 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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