| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2 | Divorce asset allocation in high earnersBut she's going to touch them--she has to in order to live. She has to buy a house. That's at least a million--probably more depending on where you live, what the kids need, and what lifestyle she's used to. Alimony and child support don't cover that (not a down payment, that's for sure). And yeah, it's still an asset on her balance sheet, so she can get that money back later, but there goes a fair amount of disposable income/liquidity right there. Also, are you assuming the annual returns we've… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/04/26 06:42 PM |
| 3 | Divorce asset allocation in high earnersSorry, friend. It's going to be a 50/50 asset split or something close to it. It's completely unfair. I know your pain: I was in the same position--high income earner with stay-at-home wife--except that my wife was also cheating. So her "reward" for cheating was to walk away with half the marital estate (equaling millions of dollars). And you and others are completely right that the value of her stay-at-home help/child-raising over the years was not worth anything close to half of the assets tha… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/04/26 03:51 PM |
| 1 | I'm on the mortgage (solely), but I gave the house to her. How do I make it so that she becomes responsible for paying off the mortgage and also the insurance?In my case (see my other comment), it was not in the settlement that we would do the deed of trust workaround that I described. However, we worked it into the final decree. You should try to do that. Technically the decree is not supposed to add or subtract from the settlement. But one way around this is, maybe there's a clause in the settlement that says something like, she is responsible for all debts on any property she assumes--or something like that. Look for any hook in the settlement rela… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/24 11:59 PM |
| 3 | I'm on the mortgage (solely), but I gave the house to her. How do I make it so that she becomes responsible for paying off the mortgage and also the insurance?I had to do this with an investment property that we jointly owned (both on the title), but I was the only one on the mortgage. It went to her in the divorce because that was the only way to even up the assets. I tried assumption, but the bank wouldn't let her assume the loan (banks seldom do that, plus her credit is terrible/she has no job). I tried to get her to pay me, and I would pay the mortgage, but she refused. So we finally agreed that she would pay the bank directly, but we drafted and … | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/12/24 11:52 PM |
| 1 | SoberlinkCall Soberlink and ask for the official results. They will send them to you, assuming you were set up as a monitoring/concerned party. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/08/24 02:46 AM |
| 1 | She's the Devil Reincarnate - Never Takes AccountabilityI’ve been in your shoes. You want to keep the family together; you think your wife is just going through a rough patch and will get better; you’ve never been the type to consider divorce. Forgot all of that. Get out now for the benefit of you and your daughter. Start mentally preparing and start getting your ducks in a row. You and your daughter will be better for it. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/08/24 04:02 AM |
| 1 | What is one line or quote you can share to help fellow divorced men?I listened to this song, and those specific lyrics, so many times when I was going through it all. Simple, powerful dismissiveness. | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/07/24 02:45 AM |
| 16 | What is one line or quote you can share to help fellow divorced men?A boat moves faster without an anchor. Translation: you’re going to be even better without her dragging you down. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/07/24 11:15 PM |
| 4 | Can cheating help?Is this a serious question? You are destroying the lives of more than one person in the most deceitful, cowardly way possible. Go to therapy, figure out your shit, and honorably seek a divorce if you don’t want to stay in your marriage. Otherwise, you are less than a man. Maybe you don’t care. I hope you do. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/06/24 12:42 AM |
| -3 | Divorce StallingI’ll say the same thing I say for all cheaters, whether husband or wife: no help for cheaters. Good luck, louse. | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/04/24 05:09 PM |
| 5 | Sharing the house post divorceSearch on this sub and the divorce sub for nesting. It's been covered many times before. General consensus is that it sounds good on paper but is a truly awful idea in practice for about a zillion different reasons. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/04/24 03:30 PM |
| 7 | The perfect moment for the ex to textThe day my ex moved out (per court order), I swear to you these are some of the songs that came on my car radio that day: Evil Woman, ELO Happy, Rolling Stones Celebration, Kool & the Gang | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/03/24 09:30 PM |
| 3 | 6 years later - it gets betterI absolutely, positively do not want her back and would never take her back. I just want her to miserable. And right now she's not, principally because of the AP. Blech. | /r/Divorce_Men | 31/01/24 04:23 AM |
| 8 | 6 years later - it gets betterThanks. I needed to hear this. I hate my cheating and lying ex with a burning passion, but we have to co-parent two kids. We have only just about finalized the divorce, so there's a long road of dealing with her ahead. She has offered a bullshit email "apology" about her affair, and I basically told her to go screw herself and apologize to the kids for what she did to our family. I have to ask--did your ex end up with her affair partner? If not, how long did it last? I know I shouldn't care abou… | /r/Divorce_Men | 30/01/24 11:33 PM |
| 1 | TX: Remove STBXW from car insurance after mediated settlement agreement but before divorce decree?The vehicle is solely registered in her name. And it was fully apportioned to her in the asset split. And she doesn't even live at the house anymore; she was required to move out per the mediated settlement agreement. What basis do you have for saying "there will be no legal percussions" from removing the vehicle from the policy? Everything you say makes sense, but she tends to go crazy whenever I do anything, so I just want to have some reassurance. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/01/24 04:50 PM |
| 11 | This might be the messiest thing you guys have ever read…"there are far worse betrayals than having a side-piece in an unhappy marriage" There are? I'd love to hear them. Also, this isn't so much about OP's affair as the fact that he doesn't seem remorseful about it at all, or its effects on his family. He's just sorry he got caught and his AP broke up with him. | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/01/24 01:50 AM |
| 18 | This might be the messiest thing you guys have ever read…Yep, you're pretty much a piece of shit. You don't sound sorry at all for cheating on your wife. Or for destroying your family, including everything your "wonderful 4yr old boy" will now know. You only sound sorry you got caught and your little side piece broke up with you. And you won't take full responsibility--you keep blaming your wife. "it takes two to be culpable." "She became angry, bitter, and somewhat resentful of my success." "I was completely over the condescension and negative attitu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 21/01/24 01:27 AM |
| 1 | Argument over turning over financial documentationThis x 1000. She will try to get you to admit to stuff in private conversations--using the same bullying tactics she's probably used on you for years--and then try to use that against you in the legal proceedings. Say nothing to her except through attorneys. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/24 04:05 PM |
| 2 | Navigating a Challenging Marriage with a Child InvolvedWe have two kids, ages 7 and 9. Custody is split 50/50. I have to co-parent. What else would you suggest? | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/11/23 02:16 PM |
| 1 | Getting myself off mortgageAnd what happens if she can’t refinance? Am I stuck paying the mortgage in the meantime, despite being off the title? | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/11/23 01:23 PM |
| 5 | 1 year divorce anniversary [Doing Great]I needed this. She said she wanted an "amicable" resolution through mediation. And now she's demanding the sun, moon, and stars, and being irrational about every last thing. I have never been so angry in my life. I need this constant reminding that it will get better. | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/11/23 05:54 PM |
| 1 | Better to finalize divorce in late 2023 or early 2024? (taxes, etc.)We’re not splitting anything tax deferred, so QDRO not relevant. Not sure what you mean in your last paragraph. I couldn’t claim the kids for credits/deductions because I’m over the income threshold. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/11/23 02:29 AM |
| 1 | Exclusive educational right, but paying all private school expensesSuper helpful. What did you end up deciding about the car? Considering they’ll cost $100k by the time our kids drive, that’s something to think about! | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/23 12:55 PM |
| 2 | Exclusive educational right, but paying all private school expenses—Don’t underestimate the ability of your ex wife to have regrets years down the road and then weaponize things like this to irritate you. This is helpful. But I’m a little confused. Are you saying this is a reason to ask for the exclusive education right (and pay the tuition money)? Because she will be a pain to deal with given her other regrets? Or are you saying she’ll be a pain to deal with even with this, because she’ll be annoyed she gave away the right? | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/23 12:31 PM |
| 2 | Exclusive educational right, but paying all private school expensesMeaning, you got the exclusive right and paid all tuition? Looking back, was that the right choice? Or would it have been fine to share the right, and she pays 50/50 for tuition? | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/11/23 11:53 AM |
| 1 | Wife continuing affair during divorce proceedingsThanks. This is really helpful. It wouldn't be an idle threat to get boytoy to testify. I'd definitely depose him (and her), and then get each of them on the stand at trial as well. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/23 05:18 PM |
| 7 | Wife continuing affair during divorce proceedingsThanks. TX allows fault for adultery. She’s already admitted to it, though, so not sure additional proof of further adultery matters. But maybe a judge will be like, “Seriously, WTF is with this woman?” I can dream. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/23 02:28 AM |
| 3 | Wife continuing affair during divorce proceedingsBelieve me, I’m not mourning. I’m ready to be done with her and move on. I just want to know if there’s any way I can use this against her, including as to custody decisions. She doesn’t know that I know, and I want to nail her with it somehow. | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/11/23 01:39 AM |
| 1 | Texas temporary orders questionVery interesting. I appreciate the perspective. But to be clear, I do NOT want to reconcile. She’s a cheater, a liar, and a screamer, and I’m ready for a new life without her—interacting only for the sake of the kids. I want to do whatever will wrap this up quickly, painlessly, and relatively inexpensively. Of course, it wouldn’t hurt for her to finally deal with the painful consequences of her actions, either… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/10/23 02:55 AM |
| 1 | Texas temporary orders questionThanks. The thing is, I actually DON'T want nesting. It would drive me crazy. SHE wants nesting--because (she says) she wants the kids to stay in the same house the whole time, but actually (I think) because she is not mentally and financially prepared to move forward with a divorce that was her idea (I filed only because she had checked out of the marriage and was having an affair). I think nesting is a huge mistake, will create more conflict between us, and gives the kids false hope (along wit… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/10/23 02:19 AM |
| 2 | Texas temporary orders questionShe has a degree from a respected college. And she has had quality jobs before. She just hasn’t worked in 9 years—she voluntarily chose to be a SAHM. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/23 03:21 PM |
| 2 | Texas temporary orders questionThanks. I kept a VAR on me for that very reason—to guard against a false DV charge. Then she found out about that and flipped out—said I was turning the house into a “surveillance state.” Sigh. But good to keep in mind that if she wants to kick me out AND prevent me from having/seeing the kids, she could come up with some underhanded tactic. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/23 03:19 PM |
| 3 | Texas temporary orders questionThanks. I definitely will not move out unless court-ordered. I just want to make sure that, if that happens, I still get to have some custody of my kids. | /r/Divorce_Men | 28/10/23 03:17 PM |
| 2 | Declaring Assets to LawyerHe's not talking about using (potentially) legitimate ways to protect assets well ahead of time. He's talking about not disclosing investments that would otherwise have to be disclosed--and, at a minimum, should be disclosed to his own lawyer. That's just a bad idea, with substantial downside risk. Also, it doesn't take FBI-level techniques to figure out if someone has investments or other assets that haven't been disclosed. My guess is that there are clues all over his other documents. He just … | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/10/23 02:17 PM |
| 9 | Do I tell the kids even though my wife is forbidding it?Your kids are almost adults--one is, legally. That is old enough to tell them. Just give them the facts, without editorializing or opining about your ex. They are going to find out about it someday. You might as well have some control over how they find out, in a way that can cushion the blow for them, instead of it coming out in some other way that is hurtful to them. For example, suppose they have questions. If you tell them now, you can answer those questions in an appropriate manner. If they… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/10/23 02:14 PM |
| 5 | Declaring Assets to LawyerI understand the impulse to want to disclose as little as possible to your STBXW and keep the estate as low as possible before you have to give her 50% or whatever. I've been there. However, this is a bad idea, for a few reasons. First, you must be completely transparent with your lawyer. You cannot and should not hide anything from him/her. If your lawyer finds out later that you weren't forthcoming, he is going to wonder what else you haven't been forthcoming about, and he will lose trust in y… | /r/Divorce_Men | 11/10/23 03:05 AM |
| 1 | Busy professional -- downsides to 50/50 custody?Thanks. This is extremely helpful. Couple other questions: In your experience, do most couples agree on/do most courts order "joint" legal custody, absent unusual circumstances (abuse, neglect, etc.)? I'm guessing yes, but that doesn't seem very helpful. Isn't that just the same setup as when we were married--when we weren't able to agree on anything? I feel like everything would have to be resolved by a third party. Like, what if I want my kid to be on medication for some condition, and she wan… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/10/23 03:40 AM |
| 2 | DestroyedIf you haven't done so yet, read "Lose a Cheater, Gain a Life." Get it on Kindle and read it over the next few days. It won't take long. It did so much for me in terms of how to stop caring for a person who cheated on me and who did not deserve any further affection or attention from me. I bust it out again periodically when I need to be reminded of what a lying, cheating, amoral scumbag she really is. I strongly urge you to check it out. Hope you get to feeling better. | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/10/23 08:19 PM |
| 3 | Crippled by divorce processI'm in a similar position--very large estate (not $10mm, but close)--and cheating STBXW is going to want every dime. How did you come to grips with handing over half your estate, most of which, I'm betting, was the result of your hard work? Did you think about ways to try to get her to agree to less? | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/10/23 08:15 PM |
| 2 | In a funkI hear you man. I don't have much to offer, as I'm very early in the process, but I go through ups and downs, too--even though I can't wait to be done with her (she cheated on me pretty egregiously). I think it's just the weirdness of going from all I've ever known for over 10 years to... something different. Fear of the unknown, and all that. I like stability, and this is the complete opposite of that. I also want my STBXW to be sad and missing me, like she would finally realize that I was a pr… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/10/23 08:12 PM |
| 1 | Busy professional -- downsides to 50/50 custody?Thanks. Very helpful and thoughtful response. What is the difference between "primary custody" and "shared custody"? By "custody," do you mean who has the right to make decisions like education, medical care, etc., and I should push to be the decisionmaker? I figured that most parents split the decisionmaking and that's what we would do. Is it even plausible to shoot for sole decisionmaking if there aren't any signs of abuse/mental issues/etc. with my STBXW? If I don't push for and get 50/50 pos… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/10/23 05:45 AM |
| 0 | What is the best 50/50 custody schedule to still have a life?Thanks--very helpful. But isn't the same true for week-on, week-off? You'll know which weeks you have on and of. And isn't that a lot of back-and-forth for the kids? | /r/Divorce_Men | 06/10/23 03:09 AM |
| 1 | Do I have to pay the mortgage on a house I no longer live in?Thanks, this is very helpful. Does it matter that I'm on the mortgage? Aren't I legally obligated to keep paying the mortgage (unless I want to destroy my credit), and couldn't she hold out or something to force me to keep paying it? | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/09/23 08:03 PM |
| 3 | Do I have to pay the mortgage on a house I no longer live in?Thanks. We're in Texas, married 12 years (forgot to mention that in the post, which I've since edited). I'm told Texas is a pretty good state for my situation--it has fault divorces for adultery. And it is relatively stingy on spousal support. I don't think there's any way she could have enough monthly income to refinance. At current rates, the monthly payment alone (mortgage and taxes) would be $22,000. That's $265k per year. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/09/23 08:02 PM |
| 1 | House possession/mortgage/kids questionGoogle it for more info, but what I've read is that while it sounds good in theory, the principal downsides include: If you're doing it just so the kids' lives don't get disrupted by having to move around or rotate (which is usually the reason people do it), you're just prolonging the inevitable and not really being upfront about what is ultimately going to be a hard thing for them at some point. Better to just rip the band-aid off. You have to be on *very* good terms with your ex, because there… | /r/Divorce_Men | 19/09/23 11:25 PM |
| 1 | Want to divorce wife after her affair, but don't want to see my kids less, leave house, and lose half my stuff.She’s a SAHM for nine years. She has no income. She could easily go back to work (has a degree and prior experience) and has started looking into it. I make a very, very good income. | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/09/23 01:48 PM |
| 1 | Want to divorce wife after her affair, but don't want to see my kids less, leave house, and lose half my stuff.Thanks. At what age can a kid decide who he wants to live with full time? Both my kids would say right now that they want to live with their mom, but that’s because she’s a SAHM who deals with them most of the day. They aren’t old enough yet to realize the ways in which she makes many poor decisions, often affecting them. As I think about it, it’s the kids/custody stuff that is holding me back—not the assets. It’s just so weird to go from seeing my kids every day to seeing them at most 50% of th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/09/23 12:33 PM |
| 8 | Want to divorce wife after her affair, but don't want to see my kids less, leave house, and lose half my stuff.Thanks. If you don’t mind my asking, how did you lose your house, retirement, and most of your things if assets are typically split 50/50? | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/09/23 10:27 AM |
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