Sharing the house post divorce

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2024-04-07T20:31:56+00:00

I am currently doing the nesting thing based on our temporary orders. Stbxw plans to buy me out. It's been mostly fine, but I honestly can't wait for it to be over. Nothing even close to major has happened (same thing in my marriage though and here I am), but it's just a bunch of different little things that annoy me. At the end of the day, I just want to spend time with my kids in MY PLACE so I don't even have to remotely consider anything taking place that may send their mother into some sort of spiral ... like only doing a half-load of dishes in the washer (side note: I did that so EVERYTHING would be clean for you when you got back).

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-04-07T02:49:50+00:00

I have a friend that nests. She told me It worked well for about three years and then the kids hit teen years. Daughter got into huge conflicts with the dad and now she refuses to be "at home" and wants to be at moms apartment when dad is at the house.

You're basically still paying for two homes. Others here noted all the BS that comes with dealing with a house thats in limbo. Not to mention when it comes time to sell.

If you're already living in a new place just settle on two places and be done with it (imo)

Zeusifur_rr · 2024-04-06T22:47:54+00:00

Kids would prefer parents in happy homes than a broken home. We’re splitting up now and selling soon, we don’t want but ny wife is a paramedic and is gone often and I try to be gone when she’s gone. My daughter is 4 so not so crazy yet but she already asks constantly where we are.

Dad_Bod_Club · 2024-04-06T22:15:49+00:00

I am about 6 weeks into a nesting situation

Granted we haven’t been at it that long but some of the comments are definitely off base

Nesting is potentially a short term option in my opinion but nothing is impossible

At this point we are taking the selfless act of allowing our 13 and 15 year old the only routine they’ve ever known. If the parents aren’t going from one place to another then the kids will. We straight up asked our kids what they’d rather do and they both said without reservation that right now they want to stay full time in the house

Neither of us are close to the thought of dating and at this point our money is still tied together

So … it is working and there are benefits to nesting

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-04-06T21:43:43+00:00

Don't do it. Kids are resilient and will be ok in a move. Get your separate places and move on with your recovery. Too many things can go wrong.

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-06T16:57:07+00:00

Been a while since I've seen nesting brought up. It can seem good for kids on paper but the adults don't think of things in advance that could make it hell for kids. ‬‬‬

‪Its the crap of living together without seeing the person - that's all‬. It all sounds innocent and sweet until the mother finds the first pair of not-her-panties.‬ You haven't thought this through:

Who pays for the groceries?

Who pays for house maintenance?

Who changes the sheets with the wet spot?

Who chooses the new couch?

Who mows the lawn?

Who pays the house taxes?

Do you have your things locked up so she can't rifle through them?

If your house burns down, does the insurance company replace everyone's stuff, because mine would not. It's a logistical nightmare.

Nesting requires such a degree of cooperation between the parties that one questions why the need for a divorce. It's definitely not a long term solution. Maybe a matter of months, at best.‬‬

The principle assumption behind nesting is that children are fragile or weak and can't handle transition. That assumption is false. ‬‬ Kids are resilient. The most important thing is to minimize conflict, which will not happen in a long term nesting situation.‬‬ Nesting is a recipe for conflict.

You don't yet understand the mental toll divorce will have on you, whether contentious or simple, whether you wanted it or not.‬‬ Your conscious and subconscious are impacted no matter what you think now.‬‬ Agreeing to this entanglement delays your mental reboot. There is almost literally no different between what you're suggesting and marriage.‬‬ ‪Moving on is nearly impossible with what you're suggesting.‬‬‬

The logic is seriously flawed. If the parents had that high a level of co-parenting functioning they would probably have not divorced. Call it what it is: procrastination. There is a reason that courts don't order nesting -- it's a fantasy and does not work in reality.

GuyRedditAccount · 2024-04-06T15:30:22+00:00

Search on this sub and the divorce sub for nesting. It's been covered many times before. General consensus is that it sounds good on paper but is a truly awful idea in practice for about a zillion different reasons.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-04-06T15:18:00+00:00

The problem with nesting is you pretend to separate your lives, when in reality they are not separated.

tojmes · 2024-04-06T15:02:34+00:00

Nope, IMO not a healthy option for anyone. How would you have a life? Also, consider the lesson you are teaching the kids in this instance. Teach your kids to move on, face the challenge, and show them there are beautiful things on the other side.

engineered-chemistry · 2024-04-06T14:23:11+00:00

If the two of you can afford two separate places and the family house that could be a good option. Most folks cannot flip the bills for that though

Title	Sharing the house post divorce
Author	Enough_Youth_4564
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	April 6, 2024 2:11 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bxcilf/sharing_the_house_post_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/sharing-the-house-post-divorce.1514221 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514221

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