To those broken by their divorce

xjeeperx · 2025-03-24T23:47:03+00:00

To those offended by this, whether you believe it or not it’s meant to be encouraging. It’s the acceptance stage of grief. You accept that no one cares about how we feel. You pick yourself up and put one foot in front of the other and keep going. We’re all in different places, I won’t pretend like I understand what anyone else is going through, but dwelling on it and wallowing in it doesn’t get you through it. You all deserve happiness, decide what that is for you and chase it.

Become_Pneuma · 2025-03-24T18:12:25+00:00

This is what I did and can confirm it works. Hit the gym, focus on the kids, reconnect with old friends, go to church, etc. Also, getting a girlfriend 10 years younger and treats me like a king helped massively.

Recommend avoiding therapy. Doesn’t help to sit there and dwell on your problems. Like OP said, man the fuck up and move on. Most therapists don’t have legitimate education and training, and get in to the field because they are fucked up themselves. Good luck brothers.

VNM0601 · 2025-03-24T17:56:08+00:00

"man up" is the exact reason why men suffer so much in society. Terrible advice.

derpMaster7890 · 2025-03-24T10:50:35+00:00

Twat says what?

TheDawnWillCry · 2025-03-24T10:40:08+00:00

Kinda hard to "man up" since I'll be homeless (wife can't pay me out if I don't want my kids to be homeless too), no friends, no family support, can't take primary custody of kids due to my long work hours, I also have no free weekends.

Literally have nobody to talk to except a guy behind a bar.

I will not delete myself but I guess next 20 years will not be the fun bachelor lifestyle, women and fast cars, more like nonstop grinding to make ends meet without any emotional support from anyone.

Objective-Bug-9205 · 2025-03-24T02:54:45+00:00

I get that being vulnerable as a man doesn't work out great in the real world as no one gives a shit but this is supposed to our safe space right.

Adventurous_Fact2083 · 2025-03-24T01:13:55+00:00

OP seems to be vulnerable and in his “feelings”. Not the best way to make friends OP. Not every divorce is “normal” either. Go watch my TikTok channel about my story OP. You wouldn’t be able to handle what I went through. You would’ve unalived yourself by now. Otherwise STFU and move along.

ShellfishJelloFarts · 2025-03-24T00:19:06+00:00

Both sides of the same coin

alifeofpeace · 2025-03-23T22:38:22+00:00

Lots of people taking offense with the OP. Some of us do better with this type of messaging. It’s fine with me

Gort_Haver · 2025-03-23T22:27:58+00:00

The worst were mutual friends espousing the ideal of happiness, that the pursuit of happiness trumps a commitment to see things through despite long periods where communication falters. It's all so trite.

HandDownManDown11 · 2025-03-23T22:14:11+00:00

Dude, shuttup.

dan_blather · 2025-03-23T21:54:58+00:00

I'm not a man if I feel shitty, beaten down, and depressed by all of this? Fuck stoicism.

My divorce came out of the blue, just like the loss of my job a month before. I didn't ask for this. I lost everything that had meaning to me; my work, my wife, my house, my pets. I embrace and appreciate my emotions, because aside from my retirement funds, and physical belongings, it's all I have left. Nobody takes away my emotions. I own my tears.

probebeta · 2025-03-23T21:43:50+00:00

I'd say the same thing but after a couple shots of vodka :)

This is hard to hear while you're going through it. But with time you'll come to agree with it. I'd just add that the earlier you start the better, because you'll be reaping the rewards sooner. Staying stuck is a dangerous position to be in.

Sam_N_Emmy · 2025-03-23T21:13:28+00:00

It’s a hard truth that we all face. It’s also true that things only can get better. Learn from what didn’t work before and be better.

henrylniv · 2025-03-23T19:00:04+00:00

The cold delivery of the OP is hard for some to accept sure. It would have been harder for me a few months ago when it the separation was still fresh. But now- it’s exactly what needs to happen with me. Stop worrying about shit and take care of what needs taken care of. Take care of myself and take care of my kids. Good reminder!

Malcolm_tent8 · 2025-03-23T18:56:27+00:00

I understand what you were trying to say, but respectfully fuck you and fuck off

IceCreamMan1977 · 2025-03-23T16:43:22+00:00

For the record, I’m a man. A divorced man. OP has the emotional intelligence of a mosquito. The message is good (move on with your life with the key word “EVENTUALLY” missing) but the delivery is awful. I can’t imagine having a friend, employer, therapist, or clergyman who speaks to me this way.

DeepAnt8165 · 2025-03-23T16:39:38+00:00

There are anti divorce comments, probably made by females.

st33l-rain · 2025-03-23T14:11:28+00:00

Fuck off

Wacodunk · 2025-03-23T14:05:29+00:00

Everyone's experience is different, I see and understand what you are trying to do but man up is extremely toxic advice, people take time and go at their own pace. I'm broken and I don't see a way out. That doesn't make me less than. It means you have worked through something I can't process. Happy to debate anyone who feels otherwise

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-03-23T13:09:01+00:00

Hard to hear but it's the truth. Do the work. Improve your fighting position every day.

jabbo142 · 2025-03-23T11:26:05+00:00

The children thing is huge, especially when a son is involved. Wr are giving them their blueprint on how to deal with the worst situation in our lives. Our response is the most important thing the kids will see. Give them a positive model to build off of.

Title	To those broken by their divorce
Author	Enough_Youth_4564
Upvotes	37
Comments	40
Date	March 23, 2025 8:52 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jhuzpl/to_those_broken_by_their_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/to-those-broken-by-their-divorce.1547367 https://theredarchive.com/post/1547367

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