TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Isthisthereddits Archive

View 14 posts and 297 comments by Isthisthereddits on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

I bought a house while married. I word it that way, because it was my savings that put 40k down. To keep the house I would have had to find another 20k. Add in that I was only in the state due to my ex's education as we moved so she could be a full time PhD student. So we ended up selling. To keep from spending it all in courts and ending things as swiftly as possible we went no contest and I begrudgingly gave up 50% of the house, over 50% of physical assets within the home, and the one that hur…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 03:44 AM
4

Cheating has no excuses. I draw a red line on that one. Even through the worst of things it wasn't till she cheated that I left my ex wife. I don't think having kids will be an issue depending on how you go about things. Put your kids first, but don't drop full responsibility on the man immediately. Let a man acclimate in the dating process and fall into the role naturally. As a 34 year old getting remarried I never marked someone having kids as a no go. Good luck and as someone who also dealt w…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 02:19 PM
5

Man I would say you have a child not a partner. If she can't contribute then why not find someone who cares enough to. She isn't contributing, because she is spending it all in either shopping, going out with friends who aren't you, or is saving up a stockpile in preparation to leave anyways. Don't make it easy for her. If she is working then she can contribute some. She is trying to use your giving nature as a free meal ticket. That's not love man. I'm sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 01:35 PM
6

All things considered I did what I could. Id say I would have done the divorce sooner, but I'm loyal to a fault and it took me learning about her cheating to call it quits. Plus if I had sooner I would have been on a path that likely wouldn't have let me meet my girlfriend and future wife. I went through an easy yet rough divorce thinking I would never remarry. Here I am now seeing what I overlooked before in red flags, knowing better, and finding a woman who matches me on all levels of life. So…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 05:02 PM
5

As a left leaning individual looking at this as open minded as possible I think it's pretty selfish and fickle for her to try and make you cut off your family. I can see spending less time around them. Limiting political conversations with them, but telling you it's them or her is crazy. It won't change their vote for Trump and it won't fix the problems coming ahead due to bad economic policy that will further squeeze the majority of Americans. Cutting them off doesn't guarantee women's health r…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 08:13 PM
1

I'm in the same boat. My dad said before we got married her parents told him good luck in regards to me dating her. She is nuts. I made up so many excuses for her, but I think her family knows she is bonkers.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 04:09 PM
2

I like your thinking. I recently changed my profile pic to myself and my girlfriend. I don't use Facebook often and it just blew up with reactions and positive comments. I am sure her family saw it across their timeline.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 04:07 PM
2

Yeah the damage my ex did to me can't be taken back. I lost all interest in her. If she does manage to find someone it's not noteworthy to me at all. She said she wanted to stay friends, but continued to kick me while I was at my lowest. Literally the sight of her makes me feel ill. I also have her blocked so the likelihood of any pictures she is in showing up (assuming she is tagged in them) is low to none anyways.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 04:05 PM
2

It's been about a year and nothing, but her sister liking my post about moving back to Iowa for my career ambitions with my old company, friends, and family.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 06:52 PM
3

I have no quarrels with her family. They were nice people they just raised a mentally and emotionally abusive daughter who lived to tear me apart subtly over time through gaslighting and saying what I wanted to hear about our future while actively working against it. She disregarded my dreams and motivations while expecting nothing less than full support on hers.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 06:51 PM
3

Ex wife falls under about 9 of those.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:08 AM
2

I'm referring to the ability to halt your emotions and turn your emotional side to stone at a moment's notice. No preparation. Just the ability to not react when she makes comments or tries to get your reaction.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 05:19 PM
3

It's tough at the start. I was 11.5 years in 6.5 married and in the same boat. I was prepared to fight for the relationship. Therapy, long talks, changes in expectations for each other, whatever it took. She was gone though. Mentally she was out before she told me. There may or may not be reasons she is hiding from you like another man or something else. Either way it does not matter. If she cheated you need her gone if it's something else she is hiding then she is not being open and honest with…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 05:14 PM
2

This is true, but depending on the situation its a tough skill to master. I for one was mentally and emotionally abused and gaslighted by a narcissistic ex wife for years and then cheated on and discarded. My anger and ego were not easy mountains to conquer in order to find that stoicism. It takes some strength to ultimately conquer yourself. You become a better man for it though.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 03:43 AM
5

This right here. Mine did the same thing. I didn't have a kid in the mix, but it took a lot of growth in myself to find the strength to just suck it up and let it go. It is tough when they mentally and emotionally abused you through a relationship and then cheat on you. The anger and your ego can get the best of you, but you become a better man when you gain the control back.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 03:40 AM
3

I didn't have a kid in the mix, but it seems like how my ex was. She will either pick fights or give you random compliments to get your reaction. I don't know if its, because they are bored, if they are fishing for things to use against you later, or what. It is annoying though. My ex would come to the house I bought to get maybe a handful of stuff at a time. I believe she did this as an excuse to come into my space. She is the one who walked out. She went and got an apartment. I reminded her th…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 03:37 AM
2

Thanks man! As for the forgiveness I'm at a point where I don't dwell on it, but if it gets brought up I'm not done being mad. I can let it go, but the memory, how it made and can still make me feel is there. My trust in others is still a bit flimsy, but I'm trying. I have good friends in my life as well. I'm trying to learn to accept both criticism and positive compliments again without questioning the motive. I'll get there, but healing is a journey and not a destination.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 12:23 PM
3

I can't forgive mine. However, journaling, therapy, feeling the feelings until they no longer suit you is helpful. Don't let it consume you for too long. Go out with friends or make new ones. Confide in the closest ones. Give them room in your life to take the space away from the pain of the past. We all heal in time no matter how bleak it seems. My hurdle right now is that I found a super sweet woman, but I feel like she is too sweet for me. Like my damage will bring her pain. It's tough, becau…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 04:20 PM
4

It's tough, takes time, and everyone handles things differently. It killed me a little, but I was lucky enough to find out that she had broken one of my boundaries that calls for the relationship to dissolve. She wanted to be done and now if I loved or respected myself in the slightest I had to make sure it ended on my terms. The line she crossed was cheating and that's the day I went from being sad to being cold as the arctic winter. All feelings for her died in an instant. Next was anger. Gett…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:06 AM
10

I was in a similar situation. I cleaned, paid the bills, cared for the dogs, took care of the lawn, did my laundry, paid every time we went out. She didn't cook often, but if she was cooking she just expected me to be there to help. If I was cooking there was no expectation of her helping. I gave up my dreams and aspirations for her on multiple occasions. Moved cross country for her, bought us a house, etc. In the end she tried to say I attempted to sabotage her plans to get her PhD. While down …
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 06:56 PM
2

Don't people still put too much stock on that one pass from years ago by OBJ? I feel like as in football life may not be so cut and dry, but I get and respect your sentiment.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 06:52 PM
2

Yes, let emotions process like anger and sadness, but don't let them linger and hold you hostage. I had this problem. First month I beat myself up. I didn't get past sadness till I opened up to family about the situation. Then came anger. I sat on anger and hate of the situation far too long and it began to make me feel sick like physically sick to my stomach as well as in my soul. Let the emotions process, let them pass, then let yourself move on. You deserved better, you still deserve better, …
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 06:50 PM
7

Been separated since last September. Divorced since April. Life is much more peaceful and financially I am better than ever. I moved back to my home state and am working on my life for myself now which is nice as I poured all of myself into hers before she sprung the divorce talk on me as well. I downsized a lot in the move and now spend my time focusing on what matters most in my life and that is the connections to friends and family that mean the most to me in my life. I don't miss my ex-wife …
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 06:48 PM
2

I have been trying to be that person for my dog. I try to give her all the attention I can. I am not in a space to get a new dog and sadly it would be hard to get my dog back if she gave her up, because I moved state to be back closer to family and friends after the divorce finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 04:14 AM
2

She claimed months ago if it didn't work out she would personally drive her my dog back to Iowa. I can't hold my breath on that though. That is a 17 hour trip and she is not that good of a person.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 04:26 PM
2

I like the viewpoint that your dog is still there to watch over your kids when you can't. That sucks still though. I know that is about the life my pup is going to get from her as a full time student, living in an apartment she shares with other students 10+ years younger than her as she claims holding down 3 jobs. The dogs she took is an anxious hound by the way so noisy and rambunctious when left on her own for too long. With me she had her sister our adopted black lab to keep her company. Now…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 04:11 PM
3

Sad thing is that the divorce ultimately was a blessing. I didn't notice who she was till I was forced to break it down and see the cycle of mental and emotional abuse I was put through over the years. Her lies, her gaslighting, her disregard for anything I wanted to do or achieve. I am free now. Free to live my life and maybe just possibly at some point in the future find someone who truly cares about me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 04:08 PM
2

I am so sorry man. I broke down telling my dog I do still have sorry for not being better and being able to keep them together. I feel guilty like there was a loophole I didn't see or utilize.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 04:06 PM
2

She can't take care of one let alone both. She wouldn't have taken both if I had offered. I am just showering the pup I do have with as much love and attention as possible to help mask the empty space she probably feels. I just have to have faith that she does take care of my other dog and that she lives a long healthy life, but as a full time student who claims she is broke, has 3 jobs, and lives in shared apartments I really have a hard time believing she is prepared for it. I used to love thi…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 04:05 PM
2

That hurts man I am so sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 04:02 PM
3

From the sounds of it you got to keep your dog and that is awesome. Who knows what kind of life he would have had with her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 04:02 PM
2

I got to keep one, but really wanted to keep them together. Laney who she took has bad separation anxiety. She and her sister are better off together.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 04:43 AM
3

Thanks, I've made a lot of progress in healing for sure. Chose happiness over anger weeks ago and it's done wonders. Once I'm truly done with the ex I won't have needless setbacks created by her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 04:04 AM
3

I've had a lot of ups and downs here. Less than a week and I'm home free then maybe a week later before a judge signs everything.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 03:50 AM
6

That's my goal tomorrow. Today was the 30th day since signing and in our papers means her "abandoned" property is now mine. It goes to good will and the trash tomorrow. She is an awful human being and I'm blessed to be rid of her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 03:43 AM
4

I'm not sure what hurts me more. Me losing her or my older dog losing her sister right before we move cross country again. It kills me as I see my dog search for her in the yard and then hide in a corner when we get back inside.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 03:41 AM
3

My journey with divorce is basically done. This was the last twist of a knife she had. She has nothing left. Sorry if this sounded like early divorce stuff. This is less than a week before I move back cross country to my home state. I just wanted my dogs to be with me as things got better.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 03:40 AM
2

support and alimony. Don't move out right away. Get advice. This sounds like the move to me. You are married so you are entitled to stay in the home just as much as she is. This is one of the rare moments you may be able to take advantage of rules that unfairly chokehold men more often than not. Be patient with your moves and get good legal advice before making too many moves.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 06:28 PM
1

Yup mine claims she didn't, but I don't believe her. She got really into it seemingly out of nowhere right before she asked to separate days later. Claims she was just making sure. I feel like she went to someone else then to me then left. Like she was comparing options which is disgusting.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 04:04 PM
5

The lesson my ex is learning. She didn't want to work on things either. She said she did to buy time as she cheated while I did therapy and worked on myself. Now she is alone at 30 losing everything, but our hand-me down furniture and her dented up car that's getting older and less reliable by the day. She is working on her PhD, but I was paying all her bills and for our home I bought. She now is lonely at 30 living in shared student apartments. On the other hand I got a great job offer with a g…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 01:20 PM
3

Hope this new lawyer helps. I'm not sure about the context of your divorce, but wish you the best. It sucks when men get the short end of things just for being men.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 09:04 PM
2

To be honest my ex is what killed my confidence. It bounced back when she left and allowed me to shed the depression and anxiety she caused in my life. Her gaslighting caused insecurity and lack of confidence in myself. Right out of the relationship reality hit that I had to and could handle anything on my own.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 09:00 PM
1

I don't think it's jaded it's self respect. I don't think about her or hold a grudge in a few days she is just another person and one I have no intention of speaking to ever again. Shes a person and her successes and failures are no longer of consequence to me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 06:26 PM
1

She wanted time to figure it out first. Now I'm moving cross country and she has no clue what to do. She is a broke college student at 30 living in student apartments stuck in a lease. She gets one of our dogs in the divorce, but any property left over in the house I bought is mine 30 days after signing. She has till Sunday to take my dog or she is shut outta luck. I win!
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 06:18 PM
2

If you are cheating you have a reason. Valid or not it's reason enough to break up or divorce before starting the new relationship. Cheating is just lazy ghosting. It's weak people who can't properly work through that the relationship should have ended and then drag the other person along for who knows how long wasting their time. Cheating shows they don't care about you, love you, or even respect you. Cheating is an instant shut down for me. Yeah shock tends to set in, but once shock is gone yo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 06:15 PM
5

I didn't. She asked for a separation. She offered to reconvene in 3 months as we work on ourselves and then look at reconciliation. In said time she was out dating and sleeping around while I worked on myself. She told me and I filed. She found out when papers were written up and sent to her. She started it. I finished it. I don't do cheating. There is no excuse that would work for me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 04:19 PM
2

I feel that I was sad then months of rage and anger. I got sick from it like felt ill from being angry all the time. Chose to be happy and do things to make me happy and it's been super helpful.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 08:08 PM
2

Good luck man. My states required 30 day wait period is done by the 7th then it can't be pulled back and just waits on a judges signature to finalize. We signed back on March 8th.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 07:57 PM
5

Mine tries this, but I can see through her mask now. The monster showed it's face and it can't go back in the box. She shows up to move her stuff out and I feel gross and on edge like what's her next move to hurt me? Soon she will be gone and I can block her on everything.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 07:44 PM
9

She is trying to erase her guilt in the situation if she can be friendly in her eyes it all goes away, because "haha we all make mistakes". Don't feed the troll. If she is nice accept the compliment and go cold. Don't compliment back. She can feel however she damn well pleases, but don't let her feel like she gets to write the book on your relationship. She did wrong and gets to live with that while you walk guilt free. As others said be the best father you can be. Make your own happiness. Choos…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 06:58 PM
7

Mine hurt, because I poured myself into my relationship. I sacrificed a lot for her and in the end it meant so little that she attempted to claim I tried to sabotage her dreams. All while giving up mine and taking full financial responsibility during her PhD program. It taught me to remember a relationship is two sided. Giving up everything and suffering for her happiness does not keep a strong relationship. It leads to mental health issues as you lose yourself and if she can't make similar sacr…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 03:50 PM
1

She could just be mad, but it's highly unlikely she didn't play a role in your marital issues. My ex tried to call me a narcissist and when I did research to see if I was I found it was her with a lot of narcissistic traits. I to have ADHD, but abuse also causes ADHD-like symptoms. Which to me says it can make already present ones more prevalent. Do what makes you happy, but if you have the courage and the emotional intelligence to dig within yourself and find what you can do differently then do…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 12:14 PM
4

Of course my divorce is signed and just awaiting a judge for finalization. I'm leaving to move to my home state and have a great job and amazing friends on the other end. Please feel free to reach out if you need.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 06:57 PM
12

Don't worry it's not. If we are all honest here most of us had a stage where we were still attached or attempted to salvage the relationship in some way. Maybe we tried to remain cordial. You will move past that. For me it was sadness then, anger, then sickness from holding onto so much anger. Then you choose happiness and it will follow. Not caring is the freedom you will find at the end. If you are emotionally intelligent you will gain strength in acceptance of the emotions endured and how to …
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 06:54 PM
0

I will just say avoid red-pill/manosphere content. That is where the bitterness sets in. Like a bitter woman who gets bad advice from her friends this is the flipside to that. I suggest things more like Dadvocate or Emily King for more balanced content that is supposed to help from the male's point of view. Also if you suspect narcissism I suggest doing research and reading into that. Dr. Ramani on YT is a good source of information and there are many others. I suggest trying to not just pigeonh…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 09:28 PM
2

Bad sign if you have to ask. Has she been distant lately? Disregards your feelings/mental health, makes demands, makes excuses? Those are some subtle, but not so subtle signs that get missed in the whirlwind of daily life when love for and from your spouse isn't something you question.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 12:28 AM
3

I'll try. I know she will at least mess her sleep schedule up. She manages to wake me up 1 hour before my alarm every morning no matter when the alarm is set for.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 02:21 AM
1

She keeps saying she is broke going as far as not even retaining a lawyer for the divorce. She used to make double what I make, but opted for her PhD and left while I was the main provider covering all expenses while she was in school.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 01:01 AM
1

It's uncontested no need for the judge. She signed the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 12:49 AM
1

Yeah she tried a test night and brought her back at 6am, almost in tears, and like she hadn't slept at all. She said she thought since she was there it would be okay. Not thinking that in 7 months she has stopped by to see them 6 times. She is a stranger to her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 12:22 AM
1

According to everything I see online it considers pets as much property as a TV. Wouldn't an asset be financial in nature?
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 11:43 PM
2

Same man. She would rinse dishes, but let them stack, she didn't sweep, vacuum, dust, etc. I did all that and took care of the yard. She lived out of laundry baskets which isn't a crime, but like 4 baskets overflowing on her side of the room. Why do you need that much and how is it all worn with a packed closet with tags on it. She refuses to unpack boxes after our last move for like 6 months. Had 2 big boxes I had to shimmy around to get to the shower. Oh and God forbid I move anything or help …
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 03:00 AM
1

Similar situation she at 30 moved into shared student apartments. Worked out for me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 07:23 PM
5

That's rough and if she can't pay you are stuck with the debt so you are forced to pay for her life. Forget that. I am glad mine made stupid decisions and won stupid prizes by moving into student housing at 30 years old. My house has never been cleaner, my dishes are always done, my laundry is always done. Its a miracle when you rely on yourself and not a slob to take care of things they will never actually get done.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 07:23 PM
3

Ex actually walked out on the marriage and got an apartment. I of course got blamed relentlessly by her for her own decision to sign a lease in shared student housing at 30 years old. I also got blamed for her being broke as she left a situation where I was supporting her through her PhD coursework, handling the mortgage, bills, anything we did when we went out (food, movies, travel, etc.) as well as half the food, her car insurance, etc. In the end she did it to herself. I didn't make her move …
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 07:21 PM
1

Hell I shredded all of our pictures, wedding cards and pictures were burned along with a journal from early on in the separation that my therapist had be try using. Journaling helped and burning/shredding the past added a nice touch of finality after the papers were signed.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 11:15 PM
1

True, but depending on the situations giving may end the situation quicker helping you to heal, cut ties, and never talk to her again sooner. Its a dangerous game and either way the man loses in some way. We have to pick our poison, drink it, and hope the damage is minimal.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 11:14 PM
1

I don't think my situation would allow for that to happen. Coming to the conclusion that I was emotionally and mentally manipulated/abused throughout my last relationship culminating in at least one situation of infidelity that I knew about towards the end of the relationship. I hold nothing but regret and disgust for that woman. Papers are signed. I eagerly await the day our home sells so I know I have no reason to speak with her ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 10:53 PM
2

I'm trying man. Thanks for the tips. I'll know for sure where this is going once I get back and we do actually hang out.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 10:38 PM
3

I'm trying to guard myself through the process. I know I will be fine in the long run, but she had given me such a rush of hope I have been running on it the past week. I feel like I am going to get hurt bad here.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 10:26 PM
1

Definitely checking in on myself every step of this. Our messages back and forth are slow and steady, but consistent. Definitely not bombarding her that is for sure. Reconfirmed that when I get back we need to hang out some. Lunch and puppy playdate, a hike, or catching a movie are on the list so far. Problem right now is I keep pulling myself back down to earth only to float away again. Tell me how this drop dead tatted dark haired beauty bad ass keeps dropping things about her that make her th…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/24 02:04 AM
1

Similar situation here. This girl is an ex coworker of mine. Recently spoke with her and it clicked how much she used to understand me when we talked. Like our souls understood each other. Now she is 23 and I'm 32 which I don't take lightly, but she has always had an heir of maturity about her. I'm treading lightly trying to feel things out without being pushy. I want the friendship or relationship question ambiguous until I know what she is looking for or I can see her in person to read the roo…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 03:40 PM
3

Agreed, but we got the cheat codes this time. Like how did my house get a first look by the realtor and a viewing the same day and possibly an offer letter all within a week? Not even listed yet. How did I get this girl who is way outta my league interested in talking to me? These are the questions I'm not asking, because I don't want this luck to run out. 5 months ago I felt like I didn't matter and questioned why I'm still here. Today it's like I landed in heaven.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 01:19 AM
3

I love these posts. I'm getting there. Papers are signed and official within a few weeks. The house is being sold and we are getting some money out of it. I got a job offer with my old company that pays really well. I'm talking to a new lady. Really early on right now, but have already agreed we need to hang out when I move back. I'm super excited where life is going.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:55 AM
1

I know it's tough, but you gotta work on outlook. Your kids will need you and there is more to life than just work. Do things that make you happy and bring you peace. Then if you find someone new, you find someone new. Otherwise keep doing what makes you happy without the ex breathing down your neck.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 12:30 AM
1

Hey a few months ago I wasn't sure why I was here. I was angry at the world and quick tempered. I felt sick being angry all the time. If I wasn't mad I was sad and then mad that I was so sad. I told myself it needed to change and I made it change. I chose to find ways to look at and appreciate what I do have and what I gained from the separation. It takes time and work, but it comes back to you and every lesson you learned along the way is a stronger you for tomorrow. Think of it like leveling u…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 10:41 PM
1

I'm trying that. We texted a good amount tonight, but nothing egregious like leisurely just catching up type of stuff. Trying to figure out where to go from here. Do I leave the ball in her court for now. I don't know. We will see . I don't even live back in the same state yet.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 04:51 AM
2

It scares me too. I mean it feels like I'm healing and feeling normal things again, but this means I have feelings and feelings have tended to hurt me in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 04:48 AM
1

I shouldn't have laughed this hard.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 04:46 AM
2

She didn't mention cats today, but had one for sure in the past. She has a 15 year old dog and a young pitbull named Bella.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 02:31 AM
3

Will do. I'll tread lightly.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 02:22 AM
3

Okay, so ferrets spectrum wise for pets is getting really weird. This girl has a couple dogs and I believe cats.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 02:21 AM
6

Mine was also either covert narcissist or leaned heavy on the traits of it. It was great in the beginning, but like a frog in a boiling pot it got worse without me noticing when it all changed. Then I was stuck feeling like I had no choice, but to be mentally and emotionally abused in their cycle. However this new girl I have known for a while and even back then made me feel understood on a different level. I just never let myself dwell on that, because I couldn't walk away from my ex at the tim…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:56 AM
2

Thanks and that is part of it. She is a great person, but I know its easy to fall in a lot of pitfalls both that lead to issues for a guy, but also that can lead to me screwing up something that may end up being something real. I know her mom already likes me already so that is a plus. She used to come into where we worked together a while back. She is also a sweetheart. If nothing else I may not have a particular designated type, but I definitely know what one is. A woman who is forward with he…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:47 AM
1

Ill keep a look out for that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:15 AM
1

I'm young enough to have had rudimentary texting in highschool, but its been 11.5 years since I have even thought about talking to another woman other than my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 01:06 AM
2

True, and I am trying to be a realist. That's why I feel crazy. I have the adrenaline, butterflies, etc. But I keep talking to myself in my head like talking myself down.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:49 AM
2

Too young for kids that old, doesn't have kids, and I honestly think she is far too smart to make that sort of investment. The ferret rescue though. I have no clue maybe, but I don't know ferrets well enough. Is that a bad thing?
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:47 AM
1

Neither of us have said that. Definitely still a ways out from that being a possibility. She just said she would love to grab lunch or something when I move back.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:46 AM
2

Thank you man. I never thought of her this way when I knew here back while I was married, but now that I don't have that there I notice how she sorta just understood my soul in a sense even back then, but I was blinding myself to it. She is a sweetheart and also a badass. So I am trying to keep it cool, but its tough.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:32 AM
1

So, I let it simmer for a few days and just messaged her today. I am trying to keep myself busy to not message back too fast.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:31 AM
3

Agreed, but I don't feel like this is a rebound. I sorta shut myself down to dating all together for a while after the split. I didn't want to rush anything. It wouldn't have been healthy. I just feel excited at possibilities if that makes sense. I feel like a kid again.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 12:30 AM
4

Congrats! Ours luckily made it through uncontested. Signatures got done and it is filed as of yesterday. Now just a 30-45 day wait and it's all official.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 10:23 PM
2

Mine tried this, but by manipulating me. She said maybe we can talk again in 3 months and see if reconciliation can happen. All while dating around/sleeping around. So I was trying to build up what she was actively tearing apart. At that point all bets were off. I got an attorney. She either used public aid or relied on consultations to get the answers she felt she needed, but not once did she retain an attorney. So I had the upper hand with knowledge/preparedness on my side. It worked out in my…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:32 AM
2

You too brother. We didn't choose to be in this situation, but we choose every day how we let it mold us. Does it make us bitter or do we find growth like a plant growing between the cracks of the concrete. I choose to persevere through hope and grit.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 05:22 AM
2

Dang man keep it up. I edited the original post with an update. I think I have potential of having someone who is interested back home. Could be nothing and I am fine with it being that way as well, but I would be lying if I wasn't feeling like a kid with a first crush again. Its amazing how a change in mindset and time can heal you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 01:31 AM
1

I had to choose it for myself. I had a rough go of it. I really let myself sink to a place where I was so mad it made me sick. It wasn't me. I was letting the worst of it drown my real self. It wasn't till recently that I learned to step back, take a breath, and focus on the bright future. If she wasn't meant to be then something better is meant to be. Could be someone else or just success in other areas of life. I am getting towards the end of the process having had signed our papers, working o…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 01:30 AM
1

I had to accept that her parents and siblings were her safe space. Whether she was in the right or wrong they are her daughter and sister. There is nothing I can say to sway their feelings about the situation or myself. My ex lied and manipulated me for years. That doesn't matter when it comes to her family. They are a no go zone and I will respect that and just hope they see there are two sides to every story and that she may not be fully in the right.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 01:28 AM
1

I feel that man. I really lost myself in my marriage and felt a lot of what it seems like you are feeling. I really just decided enough was enough of being angry and sad about the situation. I choose to see the light and do what I can to move forward with a newfound inner peace. You will find someone who treats you right and makes your ex forgetable.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 01:25 AM
2

Thanks man! Good luck and Godspeed to your healing and endeavours.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:46 AM
2

I think ruts come and go. Right now I'm stalled, because a lot of what I have going for me isn't where I live now. I need to sign, get the house sold, and move before I can see family again, hang out with old friends, and start my new job. Until then I'm stuck. Dating is sorta out of the question, because I'm still healing from it all and I don't want to start something I get attached to with hopefully only a month left. However my job here is a drain on me mentally and physically. So it feels l…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 04:23 AM
1

For me I guess it depends if it's someone I'm already friendly with or a stranger. In that though it's a first date, but not a first date first date. Almost more of a second date.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 01:08 AM
2

I'm holding off on dating for a bit to make sure I'm healed before drowning out the work I can do for myself. However that does sound nice. As for snapping back to reality I can relate 100% to that. Once I accepted that I'm single again it's like I saw the world spread out before me. All my old hobbies, new interests, new opportunities all made themselves very clear. My anxiety and depression washed away almost completely and I'm better than I have been in a while.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 01:06 AM
1

That's awesome. I feel like that works well for a first date. Just a low impact date where if it's not going anywhere either one of you can call it without it being weird or awkward. Unlike finding out it's not right in 5 min waiting on a 3 course meal that you and/or her are now suffering through.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 08:41 PM
2

Hey it's your story and what uplifted you. Describe it how you like.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 01:09 PM
3

Hey if that's what you got from this. I'm not here to say what that positive in your life during a dark time is.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 12:52 PM
1

I have it in my divorce paperwork that once I move out of the shared home she left we pay 50/50 for all bills, mortgage, and utilities until it's sale. I figured I was already paying for everything so I would continue for the peace of staying in the home I worked so hard for. No way would I continue paying for her to live in my home.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 10:15 PM
1

Mine was dragging her feet. She already complains about how broke she is... She is the one who walked out while being fully supported financially during her PhD program. I told her we had 6 months to finish this uncontested and move on. If she wastes too much more time we both are in for contested with court/lawyer fees starting at $8-10k each. I also reminded her if it goes contested I'm fighting for both dogs and based on the paperwork falling in my favor id have 75-80% chance to get both base…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 08:02 PM
2

I don't know, maybe, but stories she shared from her childhood are either manipulation likely linked to narcissistic behavior or real and is the type of stuff that leads to narcissistic tendencies as defensive mechanisms. I could be wrong, but the word pretty well sums up her to a T. So it's a valid descriptor if nothing else. I've been lucky to see multiple healthy relationships growing up and the way she treated me was not in line with how those couples acted/relationships functioned. Screamin…
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/24 01:15 AM
2

Mine came home and dropped the separation bomb on me. Then played it like we could talk about working on things in 3 months. All while she dated and slept around. I tried to fix it, offered therapy, etc. She was cruel and didn't want any part of it. She also wasn't making moves to end it either. So, I initiated divorce. This woman crossed a boundary I had set at the very beginning. When I tried to set a new boundary that gave her room to still come back she blamed me for everything. She tore int…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 12:29 PM
2

Divorce isn't a joke or game if they throw that around like it's a game then it's time to get out of there. Especially if she shows she isn't interested in working on things.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 12:19 PM
4

Comparing yourself in career won't work if you aren't making strides ahead of her. But you don't have to compare on career. You didn't cheat. You are already morally 10+years ahead of her immaturity. Drop that girl she belongs to the streets. Go build a healthy version of yourself or even a family. Be happy in your own successes and forget the harlot. When she inevitably cheats again and you are with Mrs right and your children enjoying yet another Christmas morning you won't even be thinking of…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 01:02 AM
2

This, I did this before dropping the ultimatum on my ex I went for a hike in the woods that became the most mind clearing run in nature I've ever had. She had chosen separation with possibility to reconcile in 3 months. All while dating/sleeping around. I found out. I put boundaries till the 3 months mark. She failed the test. She blamed me for everything, her actions, her position in life, etc. I've learned a lot about her and how she treated me in our relationship after that point. Lots of int…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 04:03 PM
3

Agreed, I'm reading a book now and have watched probably too many videos on different coaches and doctorates of Psychology's takes on how NPD presents itself. All I want is real lasting love that is given as unconditionally as I give it. I want a partner to stand by, possibly start a small family, and just feel safe around. The abuse was a whirlwind and I really wish someone had told me about Narcissism sooner. While in the relationship I thought it was just that overused term to basically say a…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 03:56 PM
2

I can relate to this. She got to call the shots, because when we got together I was still figuring myself out. I had dreams, but didn't know how to reach them. I moved along side her to her college town. Partly for her and partly, because I felt getting out on my own would help me grow. I think from that point I always let me dreams fall to second behind hers. I let her steamroll my wants in life. Her narcissism made me feel like my goals would never surpass her own so I never felt like I was wo…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 02:31 AM
3

I agree with this. Its not necessarily our fault and as men we need to accept that sometimes its the woman who makes a poor choice or at least a choice we don't prefer. In my case I dealt with a narcissist. There was a lot of rough emotions and mental things I went through. I don't like to think of myself a victim, but I do give myself concessions on the fact that I did make it through to the other side. I still am trying to work on myself mentally to understand and heal. Sometimes the partners …
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 02:28 AM
10

I like a frog in a boiling pot did not notice the slowly increasing behaviors and cycles of a narcisistic wife. I didn't notice the love bombing early on. I didn't notice that every time I made sacrifices in my life for her dreams and she said next turn would be mine, was actually future faking. That her light switch like rage tantrums when discussing a disagreement was actually really toxic. I didn't notice the way she was always super intimate in the beginning and pulled it so far away through…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 02:20 AM
4

Mine is a covert narcissist so she led me on dangling the carrot of hope till she found solid ground just in case. I fought so hard to find understanding and be better, but I was doing everything she asked for. I wasn't the solution and had my faults, but they were faults and cracks in myself through a decade of mental and emotional abuse. I felt like I was dangling off a mountain by a rope. I learned while I was working on me for her she was sleeping around. I cut that rope and fell a long way …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 03:17 AM
9

Narcissism has lots of info on it on YouTube. Dr. Ramani is a big one, but there are lots of others around it. Plus Emily King and Dadvocate are great for actually helpful, healthy, non red pill approaches to the issues men face. Don't get drug into the red pill community unless you want to go full incel or become the emotional abuser to some woman who didn't know her worth the same way some of us men deal with narcissistic partners doing the same to us.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 07:47 PM
3

The only reason I'm going uncontested with the ex. We live in an at fault state, but my only proof of her cheating was her word of mouth and I wasn't prepared to record as I didn't expect that bomb to be dropped. We were in a stage where she claimed in 3 months we would talk about getting back together. Obviously that won't be happening and it spurred my research into her behaviors and turns out she is a covert narcissist by the book. Like everything I went through is a trait of narcissistic per…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 04:43 PM
4

This is a relief to hear. Right now I just feel anger and anxiety when she is around like I have to be on the defensive. I forget her some days, but really just have such an anger that I hope goes away. I want more indifference than anger at what she did to me. I try to not communicate with her when possible, because she always finds ways to twist things. Change and gaslight situations to fit her chosen storyline. It's hard not to fight back, but really getting a rise out of me is control of emo…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 01:22 AM
2

Yes, the end needs to be the end. If the off ramp to this marriage has guide rails and structure there is less likelihood of having to even discuss anything else.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 12:51 PM
3

Oh I get it I'm setting it in stone now so there is less need to talk and discuss later. I prefer if once it is finalized I never have to see/speak to her again. No new discussions with a game plan set in motion. It wasn't till she left that I noticed what she had done by stripping parts of me away, getting me to sacrifice everything for no reciprocation, and setting me up with anxiety and depression. I just want the end to be the end if that makes sense.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 12:49 PM
2

This makes sense. Really I'm not petty and could care less about stuff. I can re buy things. Issue is I know how she is and if it's not set in place now she will make it hell later. She is the type to want nothing and everything all at once. She just wants it to hurt me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 12:44 PM
2

I also want to add I have no clue who her lawyer is. She has never once given me a name and I doubt she would if I asked. For all I know the "lawyer" could be some kid working cashier at McDonalds or some law student at the college.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 05:39 AM
1

We are going uncontested so that won't require going to court. I have conceded on a lot of things that make me uncomfortable, but its for the sake of speedy and cheap resolutions. I have a lawyer and whomever she has spoken with has made snide remarks before saying I got the bougie lawyer and that she takes a lot of trips. I honestly just went with a lawyer my therapist had suggested. I was told this lawyer isn't much of a shark and is all for fair and equitable resolutions when possible. Being …
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 05:31 AM
3

I was loyal to a fault so she couldn't really put that kind of blame on me, but my dumbass blamed myself for her cycle of narcissistic rage/tantrums for years. Told her to see a doctor about anxiety early in the relationship and saw no real change. She kept at it, but there was enough good or so I thought to even it out and conditioned myself to think it will blow over and tomorrow will be better. 11.5 years in and I learned to just walk away and ignore her. That and I blamed myself a lot. If me…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 12:23 AM
3

Had an ex girlfriend wayyyyy back when like that.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 12:16 AM
3

Nothing wrong with the ring if that's how you want to show commitment as a couple. However legal marriage wise there needs to be an overhaul or a middle ground. Incentivising the split financially needs to end as it corrupts the whole thing. If you are worried about not having money in a divorce then make your own money within the relationship. You choose to walk you choose to walk. If I can prove I soley adopted my dogs, purchased my home, etc then she should not be able to take that away from …
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 02:05 AM
2

Be careful it's not done till it's done. Even then with kids it's not done. Protect yourself. From someone without kids my stbx has found ways to rip open wounds and cause issues even throughout the process. She will find out what means the most to you and go after that in the divorce. I was too nonchalant about stuff being stuff. So she whittled it down to the dogs being my soft spot in divorce. She is now taking one of my dogs with no real plan of where she is going to live, how to earn enough…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 08:44 PM
1

If your case is like mine it doesn't matter how civil or basic the conversation is they still find something to pick at in order to open that wound and get you off base.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 01:47 PM
4

Being in a place I'm leaving a narcissistic wife it kills me when I slip up, because I know she is just eating up having that effect/control on my emotions. She just knows how to get the worst out of me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 01:05 AM
5

If it weren't for who my ex is I'd have wanted to keep things civil. I struggle with gray rocking occasionally. She just knows how to get under my skin and how to start issues. The wonders of being married to and now working on divorcing a narcissist. They really do love to control you and every time you slip it shows them they still have power in your emotions. Kills me everytime when I notice I let her do it again.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/24 01:03 AM
2

My family came out saying they thought the relationship looked one sided with me always making the sacrifices. They trusted me though and never questioned me on my decisions. Her family I have no clue. She went full burn it down with lies about me to all her close friends and family and they either hate me or she lied about them hating me. I just can't be bothered if they want to reach out and hear my side I am open to it, but until then she is their daughter and friend I'm not about to try and …
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/24 02:36 AM
2

I can relate. Started dating me ex wife at 21 right before she moved off for college and I followed to get out of my home town and shaking things up a bit. I knew even if the relationship at that time fell through I needed a different environment. Fast forward 11.5 years and 6.5 married it took some time to get my bearings again. Learning to cook for one without wasting food was the hardest part from the initial heartbreak. I lucked out that I've always been perfectly at peace being alone and wi…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 01:58 AM
4

Not sure if I can forgive my ex. I can only really pity her for who she is. Narcissists are never truly happy and live off other people. She will likely poison any relationship she moves onto. She thinks her actions are normal. She thinks throwing absolute tantrums and manipulating those you love is how women express themselves. She caused a lot of damage in my life and her reward is just more loneliness and hurt for anyone who tries to be with her next.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 04:19 AM
1

I'm not particularly religious. It's not a lack of a belief, but an acceptance of the unknown in spirituality. Grew up Christian, but am humbled enough to know I can't know it all. As for why? Whether it be God, the spirit of the world, the randomness of the universe, star signs, or whatever I think you just need to accept whatever lessons you can glean from any positive and negative moments in your life. There is always more to learn and with mine I think it's that no matter how much you plan o…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 04:13 AM
1

100% most days I don't doubt it and take my separation before kids and at only 32 as a blessing. I have time to heal, find someone real, and maybe start a family like I always dreamed of. Not that I wouldn't settle for just finding someone who loves me truly for who I am as much as I love them, but to share that stable home with little ones would be awesome. One day at a time though for now I have my peace, soon I'll be officially free by law, then to finish up the healing and rebuild. I have to…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 04:02 AM
1

I put that up on signing not finalizing she had 30 days to show proof of financing and intent to buy me out. I was calling her bluff knowing a full time student with 2 part time jobs would not afford this home and bills all at the increased interest rate she would have to take refinancing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:12 PM
1

Before asking to rent to own the house from me. My ex asked to buy the house. This ex who complained about being broke after walking out on the marriage. The marriage where I paid all the bills and mortgage and her car insurance. She is a full time PhD student. She is very book smart, but in other areas I'll leave this story to speak for itself.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:10 PM
1

Yeah mine tried to offer to rent to own from me. I told her hell no. I am not going to trust her enough to be her landlord from 17hrs away when I move back to our home state. Women make a lot of crazy requests during divorce claiming entitlement to so much they never put effort or financing into. Hell one week apart after the split she told me to figure it out when I asked if she could come jump my car. The next week she asked me to help her get her car unlocked cause she locked her keys in it. …
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 08:06 PM
1

Exactly I'm in the opposite position being I paid the mortgage I'm the only one on the mortgage, and the down payment was $40k from just me a bit over a year ago. Really want to keep 100% of the equity, but sadly the system is set against me, but luckily sets you up to get more of what's fair to you or at least a bargaining chip. I'd also let her know taking it to court means more equity money from her 50% going to a lawyer and not her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 07:54 PM
3

I'm lawyered up and at the tail end of the process. Awaiting my ex who drags ass on everything when it comes to speed to finally decide if any negotiation needs made over my lawyers final draft. Then we can sign and hopefully be through this nightmare. I remind myself everyday I deserved better and will find better once I can fully let go of even the good times that I occasionally miss.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 05:24 PM
6

It's tough man I get it. Mine is the same and was for our 11 year relationship. My anxiety and depression melted away when we split. However, I also get weak moments. I'm close to the end and dreamt about her two nights in a row. I want her good side back as that was my love. I have to constantly remind myself of the bad. One day I may finally be rid of my broken feelings for my narcissistic emotional abuser. Edit My therapist told me at meeting 3 I didn't need therapy and that I needed a lawyer…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 04:20 PM
7

I agree with this. However the shift was when I acknowledged how she treated me. There was a cycle to her where we would be madly in love and the next a small thing would skip a normal argument and straight to her screaming. Like being presented with logical arguments or even just my feelings on the matter would lead to her in a full out tantrum. I would try to discuss where I was coming from so we could find a solution and she would disregard me, gaslight me, and push me to go quiet or walk awa…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/24 04:10 PM
2

My interest is 5 point something, but I bought it a year ago so not bad for the times. Yeah for me it was such a swing and it wasn't just here and there it was a cycle so as it got worse I convinced myself well the monster will be normal tomorrow. I was like a frog in the boiling pot never jumping out. Positive is that I'll never accept that behavior again. I need a woman who either adds to my peace or at least doesn't take from it. My STBX caused an onset of anxiety and depression. Thought it w…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 11:46 PM
4

Congrats man! I plan to never have to talk to my stbx again she emotionally and verbally abused me. I don't miss her, but I still think about what I was put through. She set me up to give everything with nothing into the relationship from her. Her emotions were like a yo-yo. Tantrum throwing and picking at me emotionally one second and pretending we have this perfect marriage the next. Im still working on forgiving myself for being so blind to her toxicity. Luckily I'm getting out of this relati…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 09:04 PM
6

My ex was trying to initiate more right before the end as well. It left me so confused when a couple days later she comes home and drops the bomb on my life. Wish, I at least knew it was the last time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 04:44 AM
3

The only issue is if she gets pregnant now your situation is much more complicated.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 04:40 AM
2

Amen, brother. We put ourselves into a relationship and get treated like garbage then there is no reason to try that again.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 03:45 AM
2

99% sure my ex regrets it. She lost the home I bought for us. She lost being financially coddled through her PhD. To tell the truth not even at 30 her looks are fading. I loved her for more than that, but seeing her narcissism for what it was now. I think her finding someone new who will last is going to be tough. I am loyal to a fault and was naive as we got together young. She has made comments that lead me to think she wants to take it back, but her pride is too large to actually say that. Du…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 03:43 AM
6

That's a scary line to walk man. Stay safe the ladies of the streets can give gnarly gifts.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 03:36 AM
20

Nope, I was too busy trying to fix myself to get her back. I blamed myself a lot in the beginning. All before finding out while saying we could work towards getting back together and talk it out in 3 months she was sleeping around. So at that point I was too pissed off, repulsed, and betrayed to think of her in that way. She belonged to the streets and I didn't want blamed for a pregnancy or to catch something. It's in that time I found out she was never who I thought she was. I had lived 11 yea…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 03:34 AM
1

Man that's cold. I'm sorry. That lack of respect from someone you made your vows with is beyond unacceptable. Not knowing for that long I would have gone crazy. I hope every relationship she has after you they see right through it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 12:54 PM
3

Yeah her gaslighting and mental abuse of me was so effective I thought the split was my fault. Learning what Narcissism is and her sleeping around while talking about us maybe working things out is really what flipped the switch for me. Telling me we are working on ourselves to reconvene in 3 months while doing things she did is cheating on my eyes and is an instant deal breaker for me. At that moment she irrevocably broke her vows.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 04:51 AM
6

I did the same. My mom told my sister when we were younger if you plan to get back together with an ex then don't share the bad stuff they did, because she wouldn't forgive them the same way. So I tried to protect my ex just in case. It was dumb of me and I was much better after sharing it with my family.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:51 AM
7

I have her name as just her name, but the picture is a silhouette of a head with strings in a knot where the brain should be. Just really driving home her narcissistic/gaslighting tendencies.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 06:47 PM
13

Couldn't care less. She is gone and not my problem.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 06:45 PM
6

Both are similar in tone. Both have been divorced and remarried. They advocate for the men's side of relationship/divorce issues.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 06:41 PM
8

Exactly we can all be honest about what we went through. Being mad and crying about it only makes us bitter and worse people. Learning from the situation, bettering ourselves, healing, and learning what to look for in a partner is what makes us stronger. Quit crying and being pissed it's time to rise to the occasion and be better men than we were yesterday even if the divorce or breakup wasn't necessarily our fault. There is always a lesson to learn.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 05:14 PM
2

But looking at the divorce through different lenses helps lead to different outcomes. Red pill crap bolsters the poor me, I was wronged mentality. If you want to be forever single go for it. There is content out there that respects men's experiences in ways that are also real to life. Sometimes there is shit to learn from a bad relationship. Drop the bitterness and get back out there once you have healed. You now have better insight into what will work for you and what won't.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:45 PM
7

Good alternatives are Dadvocate and Emily King. If the relationship was with a narcissist Dr Ramani is very cathartic as learning what narcissism is and the behaviors opened my eyes to why my marriage ultimately couldn't last without me metaphorically getting kicked in the face everytime she was upset.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:42 PM
8

I prefer Dadvocate and Emily King who take an approach that respects men's experiences, without the burn it all down mentality of trash found further in the red pill community if incels.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 04:39 PM
2

That's tough. My STBXW originally told me the dogs would be mine in the split only to turn around last minute claiming one of them.My name is the one on all their paperwork, I paid most of their bills vet and otherwise. Sadly dogs are seen as property so I had little chance to keep both in court while forcing me to escalate my cheap no contest to a very expensive starting cost for a contested divorce. I was forced to make the really tough decision that dragging the process out would be worse for…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 03:02 AM
6

Exactly, if he is sick of hearing it unfollow the subreddit. Easy fix he is just complaining about complaining in a subreddit where we complain and find solutions and a light in a tough time. Op move on this subreddit isn't for you. So go find some red pill content and sit in the comments section there.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 12:51 PM
3

I was with my wife for 11.5 years married 6.5 years as well though.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 03:59 AM
4

I blamed myself for the first month. Then her behavior, tantrums cycle of tearing me down, the emotional abuse, the fact I always sacrificed my life for hers and never saw reciprocation. Then I stopped beating myself up. I did everything I could to build a happy marriage. I can only blame myself for being blind and staying with her long enough for her to be the one who left. I should have left for my own health a decade ago.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 03:33 AM
6

True, the thing that sucks is how they play like the marriage is still happy and great right up to the moment they drop the bomb. STBXW was even more sexual towards me the last 2-4 weeks we were together. We were planning trips, etc. We had just celebrated her successful pre-disertation for her PhD, went to the beach the week before that. Then boom switch flipped we were done.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 03:15 AM
4

So far the legal fees of retaining a lawyer, one of my 2 dogs that I adopted, and half the equity of the house I bought, paid for cleaned, and maintained. All, because work and effort doesn't change "entitlement". Her names not even on the mortgage. I know I got off easy compared to a lot of guys especially ones with kids, but it still bothers me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 05:03 AM
5

Yeah they tend to get to a stage where it's entitled this and entitled that. Okay, so for example I bought the house with money I saved. I pay the mortgage and all the bills, I clean the house, take care of maintenance, and do the yard work. So stbx says well you only saved enough, because I paid more bills before. This is a lie. She made double what I made and we split the bills 50/50. Our accounts are separate. My bills would have been cheaper without her and I would have saved more without he…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 04:49 PM
5

I had something passive aggressive when I originally changed it from Wife. Now it's her government name and the picture is a silhouette of a head with a knotted up string where the brain should be. Just to remind myself of her narcissistic mind games she played with me for over a decade. She plays nice occasionally this is a reminder that her being nice is part of her game and to not let it change my gray rocking.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 01:42 AM
15

It feels good when reality hits them like a brick wall after tearing apart everything you tried to build with them. Especially if you found peace and a sense of direction within it all. Mine constantly makes comments about how I'm looking good or when we talk that it feels too familiar to the old times. Yeah, cause I'm at peace and a good person no longer depressed under the shadow of you. She did make a comment about how she could make more money than I ever will if she dropped out of school. I…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 01:48 AM
1

Yeah I'm trying to not split mine up. She doesn't have a place for them, time for them, or money for them. She walked out of a situation where her life was supplied for her. Bills paid, mortgage paid, etc. she walked out and now claims she has 5 jobs and is a full time student. I tried logically breaking it down for her. Then she claimed she could drop out of school and make more money than I ever will. Well if she couldn't give me my turn to do something with my life after I continuously made s…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 03:15 AM
1

Thanks, learning that the one you thought you would grow old with was a narcissist who didn't really ever care about you at all is a tough pill to swallow.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 09:00 PM
1

Well my soon to be ex is a full time student with multiple jobs blaming me for her being broke. We moved cross country for her PhD. I was supporting the household so she could focus on school. Seemed like an investment in our relationship and future. She as a narcissist discarded me about a year into the move. She is only going after the dogs to get to me just like she feigned interest in buying the house then admitted she couldn't afford it. So she lives in shared college apartments with no mon…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:32 PM
7

Been through this she would be good for a bit then tantrum almost in a cycle. I slowly lost myself, became anxious, felt depressed, etc. Ultimately ended with me being discarded. Same thing though. I did the yard, I cleaned the house, I h lped cook the few meals she did cook, I did half the laundry, paid all the bills, paid the mortgage, held down a job that did that. Yet it was never enough. Her full-time student self supposedly did everything. We went out every weekend. I paid for gas, food, e…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 01:56 PM
1

We had a dog growing up whos personality changed 180 degrees when our other dog passed away.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 02:27 AM
3

I'm not sure if she would stoop that low, but she said they would be mine in the split. Now that her fling didn't work out and she isn't getting any bites out there she is "lonely". I think it's all a game to her. I hate this and just lost even more respect for her. I didn't know that was possible at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 02:04 AM
2

I mean unless her narcissism shows up I adopted both from the shelter. $150 to her to get a new dog is well within my means if she decided to stick it to me and try for some $5k purebred then that would be tough. Like I am debating conceding percentage of my 50% of the equity to keep them.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 01:52 AM
2

The oldest I did the other was one year in.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 01:43 AM
2

Even within marriage where you split property? I just want to be certain. I mean she left the relationship. She walked out. She slept around. I'm not willing to let her take these dogs from me.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 01:40 AM
1

Currently in the process if she left and got a new place over a year before filing in some states it is abandonment and you take full ownership of the home and property. Debated stringing it along so my wife who discarded me, moved and got a new place, cheated wouldn't get any part of the home I paid for, but a year is a long time and I want closure as soon as possible. She said I was dumb for buying the home then wants half of my equity out of it. The system is terrible.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 08:54 PM
13

I just told mine unless it's about the divorce to lose my number.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 03:41 AM
5

Ex wouldn't help when my battery was dead and weeks later asked for help cause her keys got locked in her car. This was days before I learned she was cheating. The nightmare is almost over. Final papers are being drawn up then to the uncontested talks. I'm sure would be contested, but she doesn't seem to have the money to do that seeing as I was supporting her when she decided to go see other people.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 03:40 AM
4

There is no for sure saying that she won't cheat again and likelihood is high for people with a past of cheating. It's like they become desensitized. She just is desperate, because she wanted more than the fling the ex wanted. Now she is in a tough spot and her only bailout is you. Pretend to be a good mom and wife then jump when the next ship sails by. I live by never trusting a cheater. They passed a threshold at that point where the streets can have her. You say she is good in bed as if there…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 01:05 AM
1

So staying makes them more likely to leave and then more likely to sign off?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 06:14 AM
1

I see this a lot does moving out do anything to the process? I'm asking from a childless perspective. I'm in the divorce process and my stbxw got an apartment and left back in September.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:17 AM
1

Mine is still to be seen, but she seems to be somewhat on the same page. I think she struggles with me being okay with the separation now. I think I was meant to be a fall back in case her plans didn't pan out and I don't accept infidelity. She tries to pick fights, but I think really neither of us wants to spend forever and all our money on this. We know it's over for whatever reason. I have mine and she has fabricated hers. We just need to sign papers so we can both walk. She will either buy t…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 05:01 AM
2

Don't want to speak for your relationship, but mine pulled that. While I was working on me in therapy she had slept with someone new and was talking to other guys. She had spoken lies about me to her friends and family and just wanted to ease her leaving. It wasn't till I lawyered up and showed her I wasn't to be taken advantage of she started making comments about me looking hot when she would stop to get stuff. She had a mental breakdown over it at work bad enough that they had her go get chec…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 03:08 AM
1

Oh don't worry I accepted the offer just need to sort out a timeline. Need to finalize and then get the house on the market, because a mortgage and rent would be a squeeze financially. Next relationship has to work with my life not make demands of it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 11:21 PM
1

Only cause the situation isn't over yet. Forgetting will occur when I can officially not have any ties. But yes I thought I'd be with her for the rest of my life till she flipped it all. Now my only thoughts are disgust of her, my ability to put up with her behavior for so many years, and irritation that I don't have control over a space that is my own.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 11:08 PM
1

Always wanted kids, but after this and almost 33 not sure about it anymore. Hell it's going to take an amazing woman to get me dating again. Just sorta at peace now other than when the stbxw says she is coming to get stuff. I dread her ever coming here, but I can't change the locks on her according to the lawyer. Just wish I truly had my own space. She got an apartment and I couldn't tell you were it's at. If she got mad she knows where I live and has a key.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 10:54 PM
1

I'll keep that in mind. Just really don't have to do much to keep this house clean with just me in it. I get dishes done while/after I eat, sweep/mop, basic dusting/bathroom cleaning. My house is cleaner with my stbxw gone who was a disorganized mess that hoarded clothes she never wore. Our kitchen table was always unusable due to her purse, coat, bookbag, laptop bag all on the chairs and her books, junk mail, folders, and homework sprawled all over the table. She didn't ever sweep or vacuum and…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 10:49 PM
1

They are children with parents who didn't fulfill their role in parenting their daughters. They allowed them to throw temper tantrums and grow old, but never grow up. Nothing can be their fault if they were never held to be responsible for their bad behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 09:45 PM
1

Same, but even that is supposedly my fault. She walked out and now its my fault she is broke and shares a college apartment with 20 somethings while she is turning 30 in February. I just keep conversations short and if she tries to get things fired up into a fight I say "have a great day" and hang up on her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 09:43 PM
1

es this have to be a thing? It’s so gross. If they are unhappy, I am not They aren't raised right by their parents. They were told they would be a princess and they live by it. They are just really old children and we have to put up with their bad behavior and temper tantrums that were tolerated as they grew up.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 09:42 PM
1

Why a housekeeper my stbx didn't clean for shit. I did my laundry, I cleaned the house, I tended to the yard, I helped with cooking. She cooked occasionally and took the trash out once a week. Otherwise she had no obligation to hold down a job, because I paid the bills/mortgage. She was a fulltime PhD student. I was okay with this, because I thought she was loyal and in it for the long haul. Now I am just pissed that the house I bought with my savings and my money for the mortgage is going to be…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 09:40 PM
2

Hell I upturned my life multiple times for my stbx. I gave up a promising career with a company I enjoyed for bosses who were basically friends of mine by the end. I gave it all up to move 17 hours away from that , my family, my friends, everything. Just to buy a house, start at a new job, and support my stbx who was going for her PhD. I figured it was a sacrifice, but also an investment in our future. It would help her obtain her dream job. I would get knocked back for a couple years career wis…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 09:32 PM
3

My god that's me. My house is clean, my dogs are better behaved, I'm at peace. It's going to take a good woman to get me out there, because I saw a TikTok that described it best im in my Shrek Swamp Era.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 03:24 AM
2

Agreed, I blamed and beat myself up for the first month. Then stuff started to become clear and make more sense. Turns out it wasn't me at all.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 02:09 AM
12

Sounds like my stbxw. She also tried to say we didn't ever do anything. Yet I was throwing ideas her way every weekend. We went out and celebrated her success in school and the weekend before that we drove to the beach and went to dinner. Like they are so ungrateful. She wanted to get her PhD so I dropped my job that had a promotion around the corner, packed my life up, moved cross country, bought a house for us to live in and offered to support her so she could focus on school. She now says I t…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 01:46 AM
4

Yup, I feel bad for the other guys cause she is great up front and once you get locked in the narcissism starts to roll in. The relationship was rough for 11 years with enough good parts and enough inexperience on my end to think I just needed to work harder and be better. Really she was just tearing me down to keep me complacent due to her own insecurities.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 04:49 PM
1

Mine started that process behind my back while saying maybe we talk about our relationship in 3 months. I found out about the infidelity and that was my absolving of guilt that I felt. She deliberately led me on to work on myself for a marriage she was actively tearing apart. She likes to spin it as me if she is a victim to justify her actions. Really she just missed out on dating around. We got together pretty young and committed quickly. We didn't get married for over 5 years, but we knew that…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 04:46 PM
3

As a younger couple mine got settled in the new place 17 hours from my home and then bounced. Now she makes up her own narratives to why and how it all went wrong and such. It's crazy how disconnected from reality and unaware of the mental abuse she put me through she actually is. Every disagreement was a war, because she had to yell and scream and gaslight. Yet I'm the bad guy. Did I handle things perfect? No, but I maintained as much sanity as I could to do my due diligence to try and find com…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 03:48 AM
3

100% my wife pulled the same thing and 1yr seems to be the timeframe. They let you help them get settled in. Prepare for her to ask favors to. Not for the kids just personal favors of your money and efforts.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 04:41 PM
3

I'm sorry man. There is still hope though. Either you will find a new love or you will find peace that I am sure is much deserved.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 09:58 PM
5

Agreed, and I do know that. I had high hopes that keeping things civil and trying to work through things like an adult would garner a more peaceful process, but that isn't who I am divorcing. Its who I was lead to believe I married, but definitely not the type of person I'm divorcing.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 09:25 PM
5

paid all the bills sadly the respect showed at the end everything was least yo My wife was going to school for her PhD. I paid all the bills, bought the house, paid her car insurance, etc. I cleaned the house, I took care of the yard, I paid for the dogs. Now she blames me that she is broke, alone, and living in college apartments at 30 years old. She claims I have all the power in this situation. I am not the one who left her. I offered counseling. She left and slept around.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 08:00 PM
3

Sounds like you have it made. I bought us a house a year ago. She paid nothing on it. Now I am losing half my investment to a woman who couldn't be faithful enough to get to divorce before sleeping around. Hell she lead me on thinking we could fix things while sleeping around. Glad you got that loophole. I am just super happy the trust my grandma left is untouchable. It would break me to have yet another person who meant something to me financially screw me over. My step grandma took everything …
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 07:57 PM
4

I did pay all the bills and that didn't work for mine. Glad you got out when you did.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 07:53 PM
3

Same, but with a lot of other mental/emotional abuse wrapped into it. I can't believe infidelity is as common place as it is. I swore I would never be a divorce statistic yet here I am.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 07:53 PM
4

She had asked for a separation. Then said we could talk about getting back together in December (3 months). She said we needed to work on ourselves. She moved out, got an apartment, started talking with some guy or guys, and from her own admittance slept with someone less than 3 weeks later while I was working on myself. I had almost a month of blaming myself for the collapse of my marriage before I found out that all our issues were due to her narcisistic personality/traits. She had next to no …
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 07:52 PM
3

Not that I ever want to visit, but from a legal standpoint do I have the same rights to enter her new apartment unannounced as she does to enter the home she left? She has just used our marital home that she left as something to hold over my head. I feel like a friendly reminder that all assets are still marital at this point. Maybe that would get her to respect my space a bit more. Again, I have absolutely no intention of ever going anywhere she could be on purpose. Pretending like she doesn't …
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 06:43 PM
4

Yeah my issue is that I can't change the locks on the doors and right now the only way I can keep tabs on her coming and going is having her let me know she is coming to the house before she does and letting me know if she takes anything. Of course I can't fully trust this, but its the best option I have along with my front and back door cameras. I would just block her completely and change the locks, but then she can just legally break in and would have no incentive to let me know she is coming…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 06:38 PM
2

mmunication MUST go through your lawyer. Then just block her and do not respond to anything. I have an attorney, but she doesn't. Also how much does this cost? I know its nothing compared to some who have kids and everything in the mix, but I already paid almost $3k just to get them on retainer and start working on the divorce papers.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 06:01 PM
6

True I am looking into where my rights lay right now, because my stbx has threatened me with that she can come and go from the house as she pleases even though she moved out into a new apartment that I don't have access to. I have not stopped her from getting things she needed, but on two occasions now she came over walked in and took stuff without asking or any heads up. I feel trapped in my own home and just want this divorce over with. ​ She likes to try and start arguments whenever she comes…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 01:10 AM
3

Try this I paid for the house we lived in, did all the cleaning, yardwork, worked 50 hours a week, paid 95% of the bills with her paying for majority of groceries and the phones. I paid 100% of the mortgage, utilities, etc. she got a free ride to work on her PhD. She decided to leave and keeps saying she is entitled to half the house. I'm not fighting it to get out as unscathed as possible, but it rubs me the wrong way. She left and has slept with at least one random dude. She blames me for her …
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 04:29 PM
2

I feel like once you hit long term relationship status it's a currency to them. They use it to get stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 09:02 PM
1

The weekend before mine called it we went out to the bar, got some food, celebrated her successful pre-disertation for her PhD. Had adult fun a few times and everything seemed on the up and up. Next day she walks in and says it's done.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 08:55 PM
2

I'm holding off on dating for a bit, but I get it. My soon to be ex and I got together before tinder and bumble and whatever the others are called. We were young adults so going out into that world at 32 or 33 is going to be different.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 04:46 PM
9

Truth, it's a hell of a gamble and in the end the loss financially and emotionally tends to hit the man hardest.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 04:42 PM
3

My wife turned down counseling so I did therapy myself. I wish she could have met my stbx just as confirmation of all the situations I shared. However my therapist after a few sessions basically said I seemed to be healing well and she was there for me if I needed to set something up, but she suggested I put my energy into protecting myself legally from my stbx.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 04:25 AM
2

I would ask whose idea the counseling was? If it was your idea I am guessing she is too far gone. I could be wrong, but once they are gone chasing them only comes across as desperation and they tend to find that even worse. If it was her idea then I think it would show strength on your part to go along with it. Either way I would spend the time mentally preparing for it to be the end. Start working on yourself and what makes you happy in life. Let any saving of the marriage be a surprise. In my …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 04:21 AM
3

What's funny is she just told me to figure it out almost 2 months ago when my car battery was dead and I needed to get to work like 2 days after the split. Was she in the right to say figure it out? Yeah that was the point where I got the fact that I was on my own. Yet now she is still not aware that she is not a concern of mine in the slightest. I give her the same base level respect I do any other stranger. I also don't take shit from a stranger when they talk down to me or try to start a figh…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 01:12 AM
3

Congrats! Not sure about your situation. My STBXW made it easy for me to move on. I don't play around with cheaters and adding in my realization that she is a narcissist who has mentally and emotionally abused me for years is enough to know I'll be better off. At that point a switch flipped and she means nothing. She is just an obstacle blocking my happier future and internal peace.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 10:40 PM
2

My wife was similar and no kids. She threatens to make things nasty, take what she is entitled to, and get a lawyer involved. I decided my protection takes priority. She lost it knowing I set it in motion first. She said I'm not waiting till December like we agreed on. Funny how we talked about December as a time to discuss if we would stay together or move on. Three weeks later so early October I learned she was sleeping with other people. If she can't wait neither can I. I'm aiming for amicabl…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 10:37 PM
1

Wife originally set December as a date to talk about our relationship/possibly staying together then cheated less than 3 weeks later. So when I found out and knew it was done I told her to wait till Dec for us to file for divorce so I can get things in order. I started the process about a week and a half ago. She is pissed, she didn't wait for me so why do I owe her that respect? Answer is I don't.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 01:51 AM
3

In my situation my wife definitely did. She initiated a separation with a contingency to relook at our relationship in 3 months. She was trailing me on with that we very well might have gotten back together. Less than 3 weeks in while I'm working on a rebuild of myself for said relationship she sleeps with some random dude she just met. When I set boundaries to not sleep around while we work towards that 3 months she screamed at me and blamed me for her being broke, living in a college apartment…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 04:26 PM
1

Thanks man!
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 12:12 AM
1

She was making almost double what I made before we moved a year ago. Then she got into a PhD program so she wasn't making much and I took on a new job that paid more than what I had. Still not to what she was making before, but enough to support us both.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 12:24 PM
3

Thanks man I am trying. I know she is a narcissist, because who else tries to hold this level of control over someone they claim to hate and want away from? She gets energy from me and can't let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 06:36 AM
1

Allegedly
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 06:34 AM
2

She already tried to attack my character. Claiming she feels unsafe in our home. Yet she keeps asking to come by. Wants to talk in person. It doesn't add up, but does scare me due to the light she wants to show me in. She claims it wasn't ment to be used on me, but I'm still guilted about her wrist after in a fit she grabbed a knife. I wasn't sure who it was for so I got it away from her and into the kitchen sink. She said I hurt her wrist/bruised it. Or the time she kept screaming at me and cor…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 06:32 AM
2

She is 29 and most her "friends" down here are younger college kids. Her friends up north are mostly mutuals she slandered me with.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 06:21 AM
1

I wish I had her telling me recorded, but didn't think about it in the moment and didn't know that was what she was about to tell me. At that point we were in a spot where I was still naive to her real self and blaming myself for everything. I guess I can take solace in that my family knows a lot of people in our home community and it's a small Midwest town which means gossip. She will have to wonder who knows about her any time she visits family.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 06:19 AM
2

My worry was her just disagreeing with every proposal to drag it out not cause she wants anything but my misery. If it weren't for the fact that I have a life to rebuild after this all goes down id say keep it all and walk away, but life isn't free, moving 1700 miles isn't free.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 06:14 AM
1

Yeah sorta my thought. Trying to keep my peace stoicism and being overall the better person in my heart. If she wants the shitty side of me she can come say hello. I need enough to move states with. That's it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 09:12 PM
6

Got attorney on retainer Friday figure I'll hear back tomorrow to plan moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 09:09 PM
3

I'm lucky to not have kids. Just wish there were legal protections for this sort of thing. Like dragging out in bad faith rather than dragging out because of a simple disagreement with the split.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 09:08 PM
5

Working on it. The threat is her saying she will drag it out in spite of this. Just to hurt me for initiating.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 08:36 PM
4

I know that now being a narcissist she spun the whole thing on me, but I was able to get her to say what was really going on about 3 weeks in.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 08:10 PM
10

Trying to man. That's why I initiated and got the attorney first. Need to protect myself. I know she has something up her sleeves, because she says she had to split because she felt unsafe in our home. Yet she keeps making up excuses to get stuff, see the dogs, etc while I'm here and threatens me on the fact she thinks I'll change the locks on her. She wants me to share my streaming services, etc. Nothing is consistent. Trying to keep all convos via text, recorded, or via the lawyer to be safe.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 08:05 PM
10

I have been cold and I don't contact her. I am not backing down. I just fear her as the narcissistic partner dragging this out into a bigger shit show than it ever needed to be. As you said it ended when she cheated. I don't care about stuff I care about not having to talk to or think about her again. Her needs are not my concern, but my need for a full on break of this relationship is and I can't have her slowing things down. She feels inconvenienced now, but she uprooted my whole life multiple…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 07:44 PM
14

Exactly, but she is a narcissist and knows how to get in my head so I am freaking out a bit. I have a savings, but the $300 consult and subsequent $2500 retainer was a lot. I just want out. That's it. Not money, not stuff. Just want out. If she makes this contested it's more money from me and slows down my process. In all this I found my peace and see a future for myself beyond it all, but I need out to achieve that. I think she is regretting things, because she let it slip that her anxiety is b…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 06:40 PM
4

man call him up. Oh he was a one night stand or you broke up already. That's cute call a tow truck I'm not plan B Mine also involved infidelity. My wife always was terrible with her emotional IQ and arguments. She was the type to be screaming at you loud enough to hear down the street and say she never raised her voice. All while you try to have an adult discussion about said issue. She had mentioned maybe divorce before, but always swung hard back the other way the next day. Always acting as th…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 08:47 PM
2

Exactly you chose a new man call him up. Oh he was a one night stand or you broke up already. That's cute call a tow truck I'm not plan B while keeping you plan A. I'm moving on. Try it yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 08:09 PM
2

They are ruled by emotion and usually spoiled as kids barely hearing no. So of course that's the no class behavior you get at the end of it all.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 04:02 PM
4

True my stbxw keeps asking things of me through this separation. You gotta shoot it down. Don't lend money, don't cosign, and if she wants the house you sell it outright no rent to own b.s. Keep your distance. Other than kids and legal proceedings for the divorce she is nothing to you now. She chose her path and let her walk it. She hurt you. So, let her suffer her own consequences of that choice.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 03:59 PM
6

Sounds like me. The wife would use divorce as an empty threat in arguments she lost. She was serious this last time, but still wanted to lead me on at the same time trying to give me hope. Took time, but I saw through it and said thanks but no thanks
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 03:51 PM
3

I had a hard time cutting ties till I found out there was another guy maybe after separation, but seemed to move too quickly. I set boundaries if she was really wanting to talk about getting back together in December. She said she couldn't follow it. So I made the decision to cut her off, tell her no thanks to getting back together, and went to an attorney to initiate a no fault divorce to end it as quickly as possible. I could be petty living in a state that takes infidelity into consideration.…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 03:47 PM
3

True, but it's still crazy. They live in their own heads instead of working on a marriage they made a lifelong vow to. Then try to make it look like the man was too lazy to try and fix, repair, and grow the relationship. We see in a majority of these situations that men are more than happy to work on things to save the relationship they gave everything to begin.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 02:49 AM
3

Same, but she refused therapy and then said I didn't put in the effort to fix things. I went to therapy by myself instead.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 02:44 AM
1

Similarities to my situation. I sacrificed career opportunities for my stbxw to chase her dream career. We moved cross country for her schooling. Yet she spins it like I won't amount to anything and can't initiate anything on my own. Yet I succeeded everywhere we have gone for her in spite of her feelings. We purchased a home off the back of my savings and money management. Also, I supported her as she was a full time student with no job originally. She left for reasons that sorta shift by the d…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 02:42 AM
2

My goal over everything else is speed of which I can start life if that makes sense. Waiting on the system is fine, but I don't want held down in this state we only live in because of her. Her bad choices screwed stuff up so I'm eager to shed those issues at least enough to start a proper rebuild.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 05:22 PM
2

I'm not sure the names I got were suggestions from my therapist. She said past clients have had luck with them. She said they aren't sleezy sharks so that should help in our goal of a fair even split no fault resolution. A part of me would like to go after her for what she did to me, but that vengeance would just drag it out and make me miserable. I can restart my life fairly easy I just need to get around the board back to go so I can work on my life and eventually find someone with my same val…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 03:40 PM
0

I trusted her and we had been together for over 5 years with minimal issue. We succeeded as a team and figured the next step was sort of expected at some point. Give it 6.5 years into the marriage and boom switch is flipped. She walks out. Blames her new situation on me. Sprinkles in talking about the marriage in a couple months. Maybe even going on a date and fixing things. Less than 3 weeks later she is sleeping with some random dude. She tried to say adult relationships just move quicker than…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 12:33 AM
5

etc and women had less opportunities to cheat. Yes they still did, after all female nature is female nature, but it was shameful and people feared getting caught. Now it’s just a free for all. I got divorced at 42 after 15yrs an Same, I was willing to work on it through so many tough to take issues. She didn't want any part of working on it. She got nasty and then one day like a flip of a switch the full on witch appeared. It really hurt my trust in women, because I had girlfriend when I was muc…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 12:29 AM
1

With that in mind do you think the process can be far enough along for us to sell the home and split the amount early on while that process is occurring or do things have to stay pretty stable and untouched in that time? I am just hoping to have the flexibility to move and start over essentially sooner rather than later. The process might still be going on, but our lives could also continue on their new intended paths during that process?
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 12:09 AM
2

Her field is competitive, but also has a high need for new professors. I mean we will see. She also seems to be far more successful in school than in a workplace. We do have a house though. That is the only real asset that we would need to split. I mean a few items here and there in the house, but concessions will be made as I need to downsize for the move back cross country anyways. My parents divorce with us kids around took all of 3 months. So I figured if we can do this amicably we could get…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 11:51 PM
2

et with the lawyer (really you are better off consulting with at least 3), they will ask questions about everything, and tell them EVERYTHING. There is a process here, and trying to force things just because you are anxious to move on is likely to just cost you time, money, and frustration. My dad and my mom's divorce was not a happy one, but also was over and done with in 90 days. Someone my wife knows said her and her ex had kids and still got out on the other end of the process within 30 days…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 11:47 PM
2

No kids in this equation thank god. As for things I am planning to downsize anyways. So my only needs are a bed and stuff that is unarguably mine like my desk, computer, she can have one of the beds if she wants it, but I doubt she does. She is in a fully furnished student apartment. I don't think she is in a place to take the dogs. Our cars are paid off and we each have one so we would just take our own I am sure. Accounts are all separate. The trust is basically my retirement as it will go rig…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 11:44 PM
2

Okay so financially I need to bring my paperwork from purchasing the house and probably a stub from a recent mortgage payment. Both our cars are paid off. We really have no debt. As long as she keeps it on the up and up we are just taking what is ours splitting up the shared items and our bank accounts have always been separate since college. My grandma's inheritance is in a trust so can't be touched. We have no kids. What else should I expect to bring? My big questions for them are the average …
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 10:50 PM
2

n The wild thing is she isn't done with the PhD and now blames me for her living as a 30 year old in a college apartment situation with roommates and a shared living space. She blames me for her money issues. She blames me for the house that she claims she didn't want us to buy, but no wants to buy from me in the divorce. She is a mess and doesn't see it. She gaslights me every chance she gets and tries to get me to pity her situation. I just tell her choices have positive and negative consequen…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 10:04 PM
3

Watch her actions she may be using that to keep you stationary and quiet to make her leaving easier for her. Don't let her decision to leave halt your own self growth. I spent the first month in sadness, anger, and self pity. It wasn't till I learned how far she was going with this separation that I set boundaries and started to take my life back. Once I made my life about my happiness and less about proving myself to her I was much happier. It also seemed to rub her the wrong way when I was hap…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:38 PM
13

Agreed, 11.5 years together, a fun weekend celebrating her pre-disertation for her PhD and the next Monday she ends it. Like we were good and poof. Less than 3 weeks into separation she sleeps with this guy she claims she wasn't talking to before the split. I know that's a crock of shit. All while trying to string me along saying maybe we look at getting back together in December. She was manipulating me and I wasn't the wiser. Asked her for boundaries and to stop sleeping around till December. …
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:03 AM
3

Not sure your situation. Giving my wife a boundary in our possibly temporary separation and her inability to meet me in the middle for a limited time frame and then being blamed for everything and getting nasty with me was enough. I told her I did not feel like reconciliation was healthy any longer. Since then it's like the sun came out for the first time in years. So many positives, but random circumstances popped up. Realtor reached out and said we are in a good spot to sell the house. My fami…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 09:20 PM
5

Yeah they won't communicate anything which is sad. A couple should be a team and there is no room for growth without communication of wants and needs in said relationship. With mine I am pretty sure she is a covert narcissist (just learned what it all was after the break). So her cycle of emotional abuse sorta covered up any signs that may have been there. I just always blamed myself for 11 years when really she was playing a mental game to keep me feeling like I needed her. This made moving on …
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 12:08 AM
5

Hope to be on the way there end of this sooner or later. I described my situation and people kept saying she was a narcissist. Looking it up her actions and cycle of behavior directly line up with covert narcissism. So it's a wonder why I'm always drained I have been mentally abused for the better part of 11.5 years and just now am finding out. She played the game well enough for me to always doubt and blame myself. She kept dropping bits of hope to get back together mixed with hate and vitriol.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 03:32 PM
11

Curious if this statement is from another post or just bitterness and projection that I see a lot of here. Please understand that not all situations are the same. Unless stated elsewhere there is no way for you or him to know when anything started. However we need to be supportive in the fact that the decision to reconcile or move on is a tough one that every man in this situation has to do their own personal gut check on. The goal is to truly think about it and not let emotions and past memorie…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 10:27 PM
3

Don't listen to the bitterness here. You will never know how long ago the sleeping with someone else started. My therapist made a good point though. Her right or not if one of the spouses that is currently married sees it as cheating then its cheating. What it feels like to those involved is all that matters. In the end if it felt like cheating to you then you should treat it as such. I was in the same spot. I asked for boundaries if she had intent to follow up in a few months on our relationshi…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 10:23 PM
1

Yeah, I just need to get past this feeling of distrust and abandonment that I am feeling right now. It just disgusts me how she went from my wife one day to so indifferent, cold, etc the next. It is insane to me and still has my head spinning. I have found a way to compartmentalize it all a bit, but therapy just opened up Pandora's box and left me wondering again. One of the questions in therapy was if I wanted to make things better and heal my marriage. It is a dumb question, because of course …
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 02:36 AM
4

Same boat. Together for 11.5 years, married for 6.5 years. Just shows up one Monday night and drops the bomb on me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 02:15 AM
1

t takes a lot of work and effort that neu I really didn't think about all the nuances ADHD can play in a relationship. I can see the irritable mode when in arguments or when she won't let me stop what I am doing in order to fairly focus on her. Because you don't just snap out of hyper focus. Your attention gets split in two and you don't get to focus on either really. I also can be a bit of a people pleaser. I do pretty well at tackling things I don't want to do. It just has to be done. The one …
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 01:20 AM
1

Very true
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 12:54 AM
1

The sad thing is I do a lot for the relationship medicated or not. I take care of the yard, I clean the house, I pay 95% of the bills, I do small acts to show I care and love her, I come up with plans for the weekends, I do my own laundry, I help her cook. Honestly she has it pretty cake. I am not picky if she doesn't want to cook ill make a sandwich, order in a pizza, or offer to do the cooking. She tends to do the grocery shopping and dishes, because she has quirks about how she likes them don…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 12:45 AM
2

(over a year, we sign papers next year) but more in the camp that “this marriage wasn’t working for either of us” so I have no hope or desire to get back together. I think I took a lot for granted when I was married and engaged in some selfish destructive behavior and my partner tried her best so I can’t blame her wanting to call it. I’m not even actively dating right now because I have so much shit to do to get be a decent boyfriend. So I think I believe that commitment is possible but I’m nowh…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 12:30 AM
2

I put in the work, continue to, and mine blew up. I worked on my communication when things got tough. I worked on my own mental state by focusing my energies there. I am now in therapy and am going to a doctor for anxiety/ADHD that I think contributed to communication issues. Yet she can't wait even a week or month for that. She got an apartment and moved out within a week and a half of dropping the bomb on me. I believe in love, but I find it hard to believe when anyone says they are truly comm…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 12:16 AM
5

Same reason I picked just see the votes. I am still fresh into this separation. Maybe we pull out of it just fine on the other side. Maybe not. Either way if it ends even though I am a hopeless romantic I don't know if I could again. I don't know if I could trust like that again. I thought this vow was forever. I thought this was a team effort to work for each other. It really feels one sided and has for some time. If commitment meant so little to her and and ex I had when I was much younger. Ho…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 12:14 AM
10

Agreed, I worked on my communication for weeks, went to therapy, and am setting up an appointment for ADHD/Anxiety with my doctor. Yet here we are. She got hit on by a guy at work and wants to blow it all up. Within a week an a half she has an apartment and is moved out. If this ends I can't do it again. I put everything into this marriage only to have it fall apart silently. We just bought a house a year ago. We moved cross country for her to go back to school to get her PhD. I got a job to ful…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 11:59 PM
2

That's beautiful. I really am trying and wanted to fix things up. I can only work on myself so I am and she wants to throw it all away.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 07:46 PM
3

Dang sorry brother. I'd pull back and say friends don't do this.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 08:57 PM
3

Holy crap. You deserve better! I'm supporting my wife through her PhD and she just like yup over it. So I get that part, but she still acts like she cares about my well being and respects my space.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 08:56 PM
2

Gave up one when I was really hitting my stride at being better. Figuring out a lot of my problems were based on my unmedicated ADHD causing anxiety like symptoms and making me hard to communicate with. She didn't help the situation, but it feels like she is throwing away a chance at a beautiful revival. A bettering/strengthening of the relationship. It hurts. I know my inability to do something sooner hurt her, but I'm trying and I'm here now. Life's a bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 08:52 PM
1

No she is covered and has no debt up to this point. I paid off mine years ago. Our bank accounts are pretty on par for what's in them as well. We do well, but there isn't much to take if it's 50/50. We have that already split financially. No debt other than the mortgage. Just stuff to split and most of it is hand me downs.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 01:57 AM
1

rts talking about wh Not a whole lot to take beyond the house. Our cars are both paid off, she can't afford the dogs, I started offering up 50% of the furniture and she said she isn't interested. Our bank accounts have been separate this whole time. We have no kids. She is literally blowing up her whole life to walk away when I gave everything to be here and fully support her through her PhD.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 07:36 PM
1

Working on it. Now a week out from your reply and I just feel cold, neutral, beige, etc. Its like I somehow found a way to compartmentalize this whole thing. Had a lot of emotions last week. Had my first panic attack at least that I can remember. Then something clicked one day. I just can't dwell on this and it just is. I have bigger things to do and worry about than being mistreated in this situation. I put my best foot forward offering therapy and such. She either will get out there and find o…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 07:33 PM
1

Luckily no kids here. No retirement to speak of and looks like the way my Grandma set things up what she left me is untouchable by me and therefore untouchable by her. We both have similar amounts of money set aside and our cars are both paid off. As far as ease of the issue I got the lottery. It just sucks, because I am one fore working on things and was hoping to grow old together. Now 2 weeks out or so I am set up with Therapy next Friday. My family doesn't know yet, but I have talked and jou…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 07:26 PM
2

Heard, I think it's honestly best to do that at the moment. I tried discussing the issue and inconsistencies the night of and day after. She is getting an apartment and so far she says she isn't taking much of anything. Her new place is fully furnished so she doesn't have room for anything. She wants to do an even split of money back after sale on the home. No rush for me to move out. She gets her car, her personal belongings, and I offered the 32in tv and my old bed I brought into the relations…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 08:41 PM
2

I'll look into them. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 06:57 PM
3

Hey might be the case and it's not bad to hold onto something to make the process easier. The kids definitely would add an extra layer. Maybe more complicated, but I think it would definitely change my perspective. Instead of feeling slighted I think protective dad mode would kick in and eclipse some of the feelings at least for moments here and there. I don't know though. I wish you the best of luck. We will get past this. If she wasn't right then someone coming up has to be the one right? I me…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 06:56 PM
3

Thanks. I know we will it's life. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell though. Mind if I ask like how long you two were together or what stage in life? My wife and I are fairly young still I'm 32 and she is 29. No kids, 2 dogs, I work full time in salaried management. She is a full time PhD student. Just curious if timing in life matters. Right now I'm just glad she never wanted kids while I would love to have little ones around. That would have made this infinitely more complicated.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 06:04 PM
4

I'm trying, but I'm the type to be stuck in my head even when it's ripping me apart. One side looks towards what's next out of anger and spite. Next I'm tearing up over the senseless loss of it all. I did all the things. I kept up with the house, I went out of my way to take her out to nice places, surprised her with little gifts like coffee or her favorite candy, etc. I paid all the bills. I moved cross country 17hrs from our family and my friends for her dreams. Now I'm in a home we can't keep…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 05:49 PM
3

Thanks. I hate others are going through this, but it's nice to know my situation isn't too out there. We talked today and I basically came to the conclusion that she wanted more communication, but she was unable to make that happen. In discussions after arguments she would just escalate it again. When I listened or looked for things to do differently she was silent on the matter. She just never shared her life with me when I asked about her day and somehow that was me not caring about what was g…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 05:40 PM
1

The hard thing is snapping out of the mess my mind is in. I don't know how to just leave. I've woken up feeling like shit all week, nothing sounds fun, or interesting. It's just a void of numb sadness, anger, and depression. I put myself into this relationship and to see her flip the lights off like a switch makes me wonder if anyone out there can be trusted. Will I be single for life? Will I have that drive again? How do you meet new people working 50+ hours a week? Not even just romantically, …
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 03:08 PM
1

Not sure, got cheated on in an early relationship, got lead on, and lied to. 3 separate, but early relationships between 18 and 21 years old. Stopped dating. Found my wife through a mutual friend. 11 years together 6.5 of it married. Had a good day to end it on my wife coming home to say it was done. She got hit one by one guy at a part time job while I'm supporting her through her PhD after moving cross country and giving up a big promotion at work to do so. Even turned down a bigger promotion …
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 05:01 AM
2

Sounds like my wife who unexpectedly came home to say she wants to end it. 11 years together, 6.5 years married. Blindsided. Now it's done.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/23 04:49 AM
1

I'm not going to lie. Same. I always told myself I'd remain faithful and stay married. My grandparents split, my parents split, my aunt and uncle split, my other aunt and uncle split up. I love my wife, respect her, even moved cross country to help support her during her PhD program. We have leaned on each other back and forth through the relationship, but I'm currently the one handling the bigger part of the load. We bought a house this year. I turned down moving back home cross country for a $…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 04:55 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter