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JonahFeb Archive

View 12 posts and 76 comments by JonahFeb on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Most likely - her new guy also has an eight year old daughter which was used to being the center of attention for the last three years, and the way I understood my ex-wife now sometimes clashes with her (following the same pattern when we clashed). No idea if she already had clashes with the new guy but I told her that she has to understand the daughter will always be number one in terms of attention, time etc. To be honest I expect a call end of this year or beginning of next year...
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 04:24 PM
3

Also wanted to say feel free to DM me if it gets too bad. I'm in a similar situation (foreign country, no family, few friends, language barrier, feeling isolated and alone most of the time). I'm still in the midst of it and it used to be much worse beginning of the year, but it's a tiny bit better although not every day.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 03:44 PM
8

"You marry your best friend, you divorce a stranger" Yes, it was the same for me. Within a relatively short time her behaviour completely changed and I could not recognize her any longer as the person I married. Of course there were subtle changes before that but like you wrote, it was like someone flipped a switch. She also had the other guy lined up/preparing to monkey-branch over the course of a few months. But once she said she wanted a divorce it was this flipped switch. It's probably a com…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 01:03 PM
5

You are definitely not alone. I'm more or less in the same position: few friends, limited family support, also in a country where I can barely speak the language (ex-wife mostly took care of 'external' affairs), also no energy at the moment to socialize or make new friends. But I'm glad I'm managing to get to the gym on a regular basis - if that is the only regular thing you are capable of doing at the moment, pleas keep doing it. Just one constant in all this turmoil, one day at a time. Even if…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 03:54 PM
2

I was kidding myself at times thinking I was already 'over' some stuff or further along but I'm not (or at least not as far along as I would like to be)
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 08:22 PM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 05:19 PM
3

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 05:17 PM
2

I've been depressed before but this time I just seems/feels different, can't really explain But having the same negative thoughts and feelings and I would like to be more active but I don't seem to be able to at the moment
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:31 PM
3

Same...I could've written this I would like to start living but I sleep, go to work, eat, got to the gym sometimes and everything takes so much effort. Just having a hard time somehow allowing or processing not being fine (on top of feeling betrayed etc.)
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:29 PM
1

You're right but some part of my brain has a problem with allowing time and space to actually recover
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:25 PM
3

Sounds like it - I'm probably just being impatient and would like everything to be/feel 'normal' again. But such a shock to the system needs time to heal. And situation at work does not really help at the moment ("restructuring" going on) You're probably right about remaining fight-or-flight...
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:23 PM
1

Thanks a lot for your elaborate explanation!
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:20 PM
8

Same - saw the red flags, didn't think much of it, love bombing, had sex pretty early on... Should never have married her
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 06:56 AM
2

Thanks for your answer. I didn't think about this before as I was still busy processing my STBX request for a divorce (early December). But just this encounter showed me just how much damage my ex-wife actually caused; wasn't really so aware of it before. And of course 10 years being married just buried any skills from before. This girl likes me, this much I can tell, but it was very unexpected to 'click' with someone again. Actually wanted to stay away from dating for a while. Well, here we are
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 09:14 AM
4

A neon sign would maybe help at this stage 😁😁😁
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 07:52 AM
2

Yeah, I probably can wrap it up in 60 seconds. I'll probably just drop mid-conversation that I'm about to be divorced amicably just so she knows. No reason to dwell on the how and why (STBX fell in love with someone else, we've developed differently, no longer a good fit)🤷
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 08:44 PM
2

My skills are currently buried under the rubble of divorce proceedings and I could not of anything more to say about my ex except maybe that I'm getting a divorce. Interestingly enough I wouldn't know what else to say about my STBX 🤷, it seems as if I finally stopped caring. No one wants to hear this stuff anyway gand it's basically the same stuff over and over, nothing to gain from it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 07:33 PM
1

Thank you. I can't even pinpoint the emotion; it seems like a huge emotional ball of grief, disappointment, disillusionment, depression, exhaustion and much more rolled into one. There are emotions I don't think I ever experienced before and I don't have the necessary words to describe some of the feelings. I really hope this will pass. My brain knows it will (most likely) pass but my heart doesn't know this, hard to explain.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 06:02 PM
4

Same. She couldn't admit 10% or anything at all. You probably said it beautifully with "she treated discomfort as a reason to exit." However, we had one last meeting on Sunday so could wrap up some things regarding the flat. Some smalltalk and at one point I sensed she was looking for a sympathetic listener but was not willing to share. But she dropped some hints, lo and behold her new relationship is not going the way she was hoping (initial honeymoon period is probably about to be over and rea…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 04:02 PM
2

Were you married to my ex-wife??
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 03:23 PM
2

That's a bit uncalled for, don't you think? We still have to keep in touch for logistics so I will see the status either way.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 08:44 PM
4

Yep - that kinda stuff
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 06:46 PM
4

Makes sense - in the gym right now and she calls me and keeps going on how she's feeling under the weather and about the flat and yadda yadda yadda Sorry, I just had it with her
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 06:18 PM
1

Sorry to hear that. It sounds awfully familiar. My STBX kept going on about having children and I was all up for it. But she had three miscarriages and couldn't let it go (which might have lead to a normal pregnancy). Finally we went to a fertility clinic to get everything checked and in my case the doctor said something like 'you are a very, very lucky man' and mentioned a few issues why my wife is having troubles. She refused IVF and then she also started obsessing about this and in the end, w…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 07:42 PM
3

I'm aware of the inflationary use of the term. There were so many instances and repeating patterns which did not make sense during the marriage which now make sense when viewed in with narcissism in mind. I probably would have to write down all of it (constant need for affection and praise, slight criticism from anyone triggering an attack on the person, disregarding boundaries, 'my way or the highway' and more)
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 08:19 PM
1

I am not 'rushing' to label her but in the aftermath I tried to examine everything, where did I go wrong , what were recurring issues etc. I tried to make sense of it and spoke a few times to a therapist who at one point suggested to read up on narcissism. And unfortunately too many things finally made 'sense' with NPD in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 08:13 PM
6

Of course I don't know if there's more to it but from what I read... What. The. Hell. I might be biased and still too hurt to read this with more emotional distance but this reads like something pathological...
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 04:28 PM
4

Sorry to hear about your situation. Probably going to just repeat what the other guys mentioned. Get a lawyer! She will try to clean you out. Apart from that: I also suspect she was at least in touch with this other guy for half a year or longer, I'm pretty sure about emotional cheating, can't say in your case about physical. And her behaviour sounds like textbook narcissist behaviour. How do I know? My wife of ten years tried to pull similar stuff - based on your description I see the almost sa…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 03:03 PM
2

It's weird - maybe I didn't see it this way when I was younger but now if I get the feeling an otherwise attractive woman is not a good person I instantly lose interest. There's a girl at work a lot of guys are fawning over but I'm one of the few who doesn't want to talk to her as she gives off a subtle sociopath vibe and I really don't see the appeal
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 04:46 PM
2

Yes, same - people said 'lucky guy' but I just thought 'if only you knew...'
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 04:44 PM
2

My STBX used this 'happy wife, happy life' all the time (especially the last two years) but when questioned what about me/husband she went off on a tangent and could not give me a straight answer. Add the increasing disrespect on top and here we are...
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 02:36 PM
9

Yes, agree- the lack of accountability I've witnessed with my STBX especially over the last two years and since the beginning of the actual divorce proceedings has been staggering.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 02:33 PM
2

I still miss her sometimes but now she's more of a nuisance to me and I don't think I would ever want to be close with her again apart from logistics. I was angry and still in live with her in the beginning, now I'm just disappointed in her as a human being and don't have any strong feelings towards her anymore. Maybe it's even indifference, who knows... Mostly exhausted and disappointed.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 07:31 PM
3

Narcissist - you're describing the same patterns my STBX exhibited. Get out and far away, do not marry her... Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 05:08 PM
1

Thank you for taking the time to write this
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 01:12 PM
2

Totally forgot about the one with Pete Campbell😁
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 06:05 PM
5

Here is one of the thousands of versions out there: https://youtu.be/vDIThTS8DeE?si=aQCDm6iq9XUXIzXC https://youtube.com/shorts/tiqoX4rzT2Y?si=QJVS21zPQYVLsakm
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 06:04 PM
2

Feel free to DM me if you ever feel the need to chat or it's getting too much
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 12:00 PM
1

Same - but over the last few weeks it died down a bit for me. But the first few weeks (December) were unlike anything I experienced before. The exact same symptoms you're describing: cortisol through the roof, trouble sleeping for weeks, feeling some kind of constant panic in throat, heart, solar plexus, stomach. The volume on everything is 'turned down', right now I'm just going through the motions, trying not to get swept away by the constant emotional rollercoaster. However, there have been g…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 12:42 PM
4

Thank you...
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 07:00 PM
3

Yeah, same... In the early stages of divorce, if there is someone that's good, if there's not going to be another parzner that's also ok. This might change as life goes on but at the.moment and for the foreseeable future I have zero interest in actively participating in dating. But I will definitely never ever again get married. Heartbreak is one thing, but so far divorce has been a different beast altogether.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 02:26 PM
4

Congratulations👏
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 04:55 PM
2

Unfortunately this won't work, as she always tries to dominate conversations (almost every situation) and this was also an issue in the relationship (every slight criticism is taken as a personal attack, she doesn't like to stick to rules, etc.)
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 12:04 PM
1

Copypasting my answer to a similar reply: Yeah, it's a trap (insert obligatory admiral Ackbar meme here) but it's so obvious and fortunately she never was good at forward thinking or planning; something that drove me nuts while we were still in a relationship but is probably to my advantage now. And her not having a lawyer because she doesn't want to spend the money... Not sure if she really thought this through 🤷
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 08:19 AM
1

Yeah, it's a trap (insert obligatory admiral Ackbar meme here) but it's so obvious and fortunately she never was good at forward thinking or planning; something that drove me nuts while we were still in a relationship but is probably to my advantage now. And her not having a lawyer because she doesn't want to spend the money... Not sure if she really thought this through 🤷
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 08:17 AM
1

Exsctly this happened - asked her twice for an overview of what she wants to talk about and got no reply
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 06:46 AM
5

This! She tried getting me to drop my lawyer about two weeks ago and threw a fit as I kept refusing. I probably would be willing to meet in a public place once the divorce is finalized but until then (or never) it's a hard pass. Even though having the lawyer hurts me financially, she decided to not get a lawyer and I have the feeling, someone told her there's a real possibility she might have to pay me
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 08:38 PM
4

She just messaged back and did not elaborate on whatever she wants to talk about (was still curious). So something is off... Now it's as my lawyer recommended: everything goes through her
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 05:36 PM
7

I did this on the last meeting but she got suspicious and saw that I was recording and threw a fit. She asked why I have to record her I just told her that I don't trust her anymore. So unfortunately this will not be an option any longer. And I think going to the meeting would a waste of resources.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 05:17 PM
9

Exactly this... It's pretty much like work: a manager asks you to do something fishy, you ask for it in writing and he wants to have a call instead - nope...
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 04:41 PM
9

Also came to mind, unfortunately
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 04:40 PM
2

Thanks - going to have a look at the book you mentioned. And yes, the biggest obstacle is the just starting as well, hopefully later today your statement gjves me enough of a push to actually just start
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 04:43 PM
1

I did not say it is someone else's fault, but there are always two people involved and putting the responsibility on just one person with 100% seems unrealistic — 80 or 90% or whatever, sure. I probably am guilty of this to a large degree but given my STBX behaviour, perimenopause etc. I'd say it's always both parties to varying degrees.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 07:41 PM
1

(almost) same situation for me, although I have a few friends/acquaintances who are willing to listen, mostly my mother, a therapist would be nice but some don't respond to requests others are booked solid until April/May. Right now one day at a time...
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 06:07 PM
2

Wouldn't you want to maybe reconsider this? The problem is that it's 100% our fault. I would strongly disagree...
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 06:04 PM
1

Thank you! Same, if you think it gets too much, feel free to DM me
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 02:35 PM
2

My situation is slightly different, I'm still in the early stages but as the last year was pretty bad I probably subconsciously prepared for this for one year. It still sucks - emotional rollercoaster etc. I self-medicated heavily in the beginning, numbing myself but now it's moving towards: working, exercising, reading, meditating, trying to journal, still looking for therapists and flats, talking to friends and family (at least this which are still on my side), gaming, etc. Basically a lot of …
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 03:57 PM
1

It's the age, some of the physical and psychological changes I observed, add untreated ADHD, (possibly) narcissistic personality structure (not necessarily disorder) and other stuff
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 02:47 PM
1

Thanks for your comment. I expect the family to distance themselves more and more over the next few weeks or months. And even if this doesn't solve anything, my brain is still trying to find an explanation, to piece things together. And there are things like personality, age difference, behaviours on both sides etc. But the change in character was so extreme in the last two years her going from 38 to 40 that I kept coming back to perimenopause and social media... Or maybe her flaws/tendencies be…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 06:42 AM
1

Fortunately right now I feel bad (understandably) but I don't feel like loser, also don't feel like a winner. I just want it to be over at one point and never speak to her again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 04:18 PM
2

Thank you - time will tell but your explanation makes sense and it might work out with her new guy but he's a few years younger, has a daughter and I can't shake the feeling (having seen him once) he's just looking for some fun.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 04:17 PM
1

I'm going to miss some of them way more than I'll ever miss her... But just maybe two or three people...
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 04:15 PM
1

This sounds about right, she was always asking for freedom but when given she didn't know what to do with it
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 04:14 PM
3

Thank you so much for the lengthy explanation. I totally agree with what you wrote and it's offering quite a bit of solace.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 08:40 AM
2

Very apt... 😊
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 08:33 PM
3

Hahahahaha - just had a good laugh, thank you I think her mother would be so disappointed if she knew all the stuff I knew... And of course.my ex has this 'holier than thou' thing going on (actually it's more projection and hypocrisy)
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 08:32 PM
8

Her feed is mostly esoteric/spiritual stuff bordering on mental illness (kept getting more and more last year) How she is the strong one and doing right and the universe and angels are helping her and so on Sorry, if anyone is offended but this is just not my cup of tea and waaaaay too much
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 04:19 PM
3

To be honest I'm taking into account that my MIL tells my STBX what I was willing to share - this is all more of a business negotiation to me so I don't get the short end of the stick
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 04:15 PM
2

No, this 'book' is just so done and right now I'm dealing with feelings of isolation and loneliness. And I don't really care if anything I say or do pushes her away more - the farther the better, as this will probably help in seeing this as a 'business negotiation' aka divorce. There is not much room for feelings (good or bad) anymore in this whole thing If I see my STBX I feel a slight annoyance or disappointment but no hatred or anger, no strong emotions
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 04:12 PM
1

Probably the hormonal shift exacerbated the issues, they were always there (since childhood AFAIK). But in the last two years her beliefs went up a few notches... I didn't mind during the relationship and I'm open to a lot of ideas as long as it doesnt staet interfering too much with daily life. But it got too much into the end...
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 02:59 PM
4

Yeah, I think we both more or less checked out beginning of last year. There was one specific day when we had our worst argument to date and I just thought "I have to protect myself, this is no longer psychologically healthy how she escalates arguments" She kept insisting that I'm the real problem (yes, I was part of the problem) but any time I brought up even the remote possibility that she also was to blame she just exploded and said she worked on herself (attending "spiritual" workshops), wen…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 02:52 PM
3

I hope I'm no longer in the "whole how can i help her get back to normal and happy" April 2026 I started thinking that I can't handle 40 more years of her antics. Meeting her now, there would be waaaay too many red flags to even consider exchanging numbers. The new guy has no idea what he's getting himself into.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 02:50 PM
1

Don't get me wrong - it's not about picking sides, theres no delusion going on there. I know that a mother will almost always pick her child's side
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 02:32 PM
5

This makes sense: rewriting history so she can live with her decisions. She doesn't see this as cheating, it was all about 'freedom, oppression, negative vibes, etc.' All of this is just amazing - eight hours before she told me she wants a divorce we were intimate and she had no issues having sex 🤷
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 02:29 PM
4

Yeah, seems 'reasonable' Ex turned 40 beginning of 2025 and I could really see something change for the worse already in late 2024... I thought beginning menopause maybe
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 02:26 PM
10

I know and understand everything you wrote... Unfortunately I'm in the same place, some days are better than others but I'm still largely in the depressive phase (actual breakup took place beginning of December). I'm in a foreign country, people I thought of as friends stopped replying to messages and turned their back on me etc. There are brief moments of hope, maybe even happiness but these are seldom. I went through a few depressive episodes in my life and I learnt that it really is temporary…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 10:23 AM
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