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Lightandlush Archive

View 17 posts and 140 comments by Lightandlush on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Is your husband doing anything for his own self improvement? Is he putting effort into your relationship? Into ridding himself of resentment? Is he reading books to improve his side of the relationship?
/r/RedPillWives26/08/21 04:39 AM
6

Have him read "No More Mr Nice Guy" and "When I Say No I Feel Guilty"
/r/RedPillWomen25/08/21 10:43 PM
3

I feel for you. You are handling this situation with an incredible amount of strength, and you finally are hitting your breaking point. I think you need to tell her husband how you feel. Tell him firstly that you are grateful for him. That you understand he is working hard to build a future for your family. That you admire his work ethic and strength and intelligence and capabilities. Then, tell him how you are feeling. Tell him how you feel neglected, how you feel ignored, how you feel you are …
/r/RedPillWives20/08/21 05:04 AM
14

Hello! It is lovely that you desire to be a homemaker! I dreamed of that when I was a little girl too and it is so fulfilling for me now as at 28 years old, married with children. It is not a dream that is accepted in today's society- so I feel for you. It is difficult to seek a path so different that what everyone else is seeking. A bit of practical advice now... You presumably want to be married to a High Value Man. A man with morals and intelligence. A man that can provide for you and your ch…
/r/RedPillWives17/08/21 04:42 PM
18

You are doing great! And you are doing everything you can! This is your husband's battle to fight. Try to distance yourself from him emotionally a bit (try to practice being unbothered by his stress etc). Focus on your own self care so you are happy and content. Everyone goes through difficult emotional trials in their life, but you don't need to allow your husbands mood to affect your own state of mind :) As an extra little note- I know some men who are bothered/ annoyed by excessive cheerfulne…
/r/RedPillWives16/08/21 04:09 PM
2

100% present emotionally I don't think that is possible in reality.
/r/RedPillWives04/08/21 04:58 AM
10

I hope not. If I did, it would be at the expense of my self-esteem. It would break me.
/r/RedPillWives04/08/21 04:55 AM
0

Like you said, dread can inspire change. But pushing the dread game too far eventually breaks the relationship, whether they're just a plate or your spouse. Completely agree. If I do everything I possibly can to make my spouse happy, and they still were pushing dread or not fully invested... you'd reach a point where you give up. Completely agree. And stuff like that can really break a person mentally and emotionally... I don't see how someone can claim they "love and protect" someone while doin…
/r/RedPillWives04/08/21 04:53 AM
1

I think we simply view life and marriage differently. I view marriage biblically- "And the two shall become one flesh". And for me, sex is one of the uniquely beautiful things about marriage. It is something my husband and I share together, that we don't share with anyone else. We will change as time goes by, but instead of that pushing us away from each other to other people, it encourages us to self-actualize, to grow in virtue, to learn about who we are intrinsically. The arrival of another L…
/r/RedPillWives04/08/21 04:51 AM
2

?
/r/RedPillWives04/08/21 04:50 AM
1

Tumultuous but positive. It's shining light on a lot of issues we buried instead of confronting, and has led to increased intimacy for sure.
/r/RedPillWives04/08/21 04:24 AM
1

Hi! I really liked your post for the record! You provided insightful criticisms of male red pill space without coming across as male-bashing. I really like what u/HappilyMrs commented, which is that red pill ultimately gives you insight (tools) into how the world works based on inherent differences in gender roles. And it is up to the individual to decide what to do with those tools. Personally, I discovered Red Pill about 6 months ago. And I decided to share the information with my husband (I s…
/r/RedPillWives03/08/21 04:09 PM
2

I think that was an excellent write up/summary. Thank you! Thank you :) ​ Personally, as a Christian, I like the idea of those gender roles. And listening to some of these RP guys have helped me see how much our idea of eradicated gender roles just isn’t working. I completely agree. I am Catholic Christian :) And I believe God created man and woman to be beautifully complimentary. And it's easy to see that despite what toxic feminism will tell you, men and women are inherently different. Modern …
/r/RedPillWives03/08/21 03:55 PM
4

That's also why these women will share (sexually, but not financially) a truly high value man. Despite a strong sense or "morality", hypergamy always wins. She is either on the program or alpha widowed. I didn't believe in that term for a long time, but I've now seen it myself. My wife would probably leave me if I had an affair - if she knew about it. She's not delusional. She knows I have options. And maybe one day I will exercise them, if I want to. But I don't. And finally, some HVM choose to…
/r/RedPillWives03/08/21 04:37 AM
3

Yes, people and their personalities are multi-faceted. I don't understand how that means that extra-marital affairs are necessary. My husband is my spouse and my lover. And red pill theory (which we discovered 5ish months ago) is helping him to live in his masculine, me to live in my feminine and that polarity keeps the attraction alive and exciting. (we are still learning a lot here). Regarding, the child side and adult side of our personalities. It's interesting, I have not thought about it li…
/r/RedPillWives03/08/21 02:16 AM
5

So what if he decides, without the need for validation, that he wants to have sex with other women other than his wife? And he's really decided it? Well, we tell him to go do what he wants. A high value man would not need sex from other women, because he knows he is attractive and his wife desires sex with him. This just isn't true. If he was seeking validation, yes. But most men who reach this point of being a true HVM don't need or want validation. They might just want to have sex with a diffe…
/r/RedPillWives02/08/21 11:41 PM
1

we can only relate to one side or the other of a Personality, but not to both sides Hi, can you please elaborate on this? What are "both sides" of a Personality?
/r/RedPillWives02/08/21 10:45 PM
5

Yeah that makes sense to me! I think you a right, it is a toolbox. I would say Red Pill Women are just women who accept red pill theory as true. Different women will prioritize different things since a perfect High Value Moral Man doesn't exist. Some women might prioritize a man's income. Or his devotion to her. Or whether his world views align with hers. Some women might prioritize a man's physical appearance. Or work ethic. Or whether he makes her feel safe. Or whether he makes her feel alive.…
/r/RedPillWives02/08/21 09:31 PM
3

My husband and I are both reading 123 Magic to help us get on the same page about disciplining our toddler. It has been very helpful so far!
/r/RedPillWives26/07/21 04:11 PM
2

It's so hard to get out when it is hot. Glad you're not feeling down- sometimes it's so tricky to read tone over the internet!
/r/RedPillWives21/07/21 05:07 PM
2

Some big decisions! You seem a bit down in your post. It must be hard with your son in isolation and your husband with a bad back. Can you get of the house and do something fun for yourself? How is your self care?
/r/RedPillWives21/07/21 04:42 PM
2

Thrift stores! There are a few higher end thrift stores in my area that have amazing (often designer) clothing selections. I get great quality sweaters, tops and skirts for between $5-10 each (originally often $50+). It's a great way to at least try out different styles without committing too much money. Also- I have found an apron is so helpful when dressing nicer around the house! When I wear my sweats at home I don't care what gets on it. But when I dress nicely, I don't want sticky toddler h…
/r/RedPillWives16/07/21 03:57 AM
2

OMG I relate to this so much. In the last 6 months I got rid of my all social media (reddit doesn't count right 😉?!) I don't miss it at all. I think it definitely creates information overload which leads to anxiety (at least for me). I also think that in person it is much easier to have understanding, nuanced conversations where you can share your ideas and learn from other people. But online with internet strangers (or people who we don't interact with in depth) it just creates more division (i…
/r/RedPillWives13/07/21 10:01 PM
5

Is this fear? Probably. I read Surrendered Wife for the first time shortly after my first child was born 3ish yrs ago. Many things were (fairly) easy for me to relinquish control of (things squarely on his page that I NEVER should have been worried about anyways)- his job, the finances, even how he drove the car, did certain chores etc. But the kid thing is different. My husband told me a few days ago that he until recently had operated under the view that kids were primarily the woman's respons…
/r/RedPillWives13/07/21 07:09 PM
4

OYSMe: 27, SAHM, 2 daughters 8mo and 3yo, husband 33Beauty/Hygiene- Still doing well with makeup and dresses/skirts. But I need to take better care of my hair and my skin. General- I’ve been feeling a little down. I could be doing better in many areas of my life and I am lacking the self-control and self-discipline necessary to do it. Im doing “okay” in many areas I could be kicking a** in. I’m doing an “acceptable” amount of housework. Im at a “normal” weight. I could be prioritizing prayer/my …
/r/RedPillWives13/07/21 04:43 PM
3

Wow. So happy for you!
/r/RedPillWives11/07/21 11:20 PM
2

It sounds like you are doing amazing! Regarding the fitness- what about some kind of dance/barre class? It can be fun, and help in learning how to be graceful/deliberate in body movements. It seems you are taking very good care of your fiancé, he is lucky to have you :) But maybe make sure you put self care ahead of doing as many chores around the house (especially as you are both working full time, it is definitely ok for you to leave some chores for him). You are very sweet to want him to rela…
/r/RedPillWives10/07/21 06:54 PM
2

Thank you, this is the advice I needed (but didn't want to hear).
/r/RedPillWives08/07/21 04:50 AM
2

You have so much on your plate! How are you managing it all? For meal planning/prepping- can you go as simple as possible? (Use precooked elements from stores?) I have started frequently using store-bought rotisserie chickens as a base for lunches and eggs or pre-cooked chicken sausage as a base for breakfasts. I usually add some other carb/starch/fat with some calories and a fruit or vegetable for volume. You can prep them all into Tupperwares ahead of time for you and your husband. I cook (sli…
/r/RedPillWives08/07/21 04:46 AM
2

Can you just focus on self care/fun for now? I find it can be helpful to put responsibilities (that aren't absolutely necessary) on the back burner for a week or so and do fun things that bring you joy!
/r/RedPillWives08/07/21 04:21 AM
3

Yes! I think I will focus on drinking lots of water this week as well :)
/r/RedPillWives07/07/21 12:27 AM
2

Yes, we will sleep train if it doesn't improve soon. I think he got really mad after we disagreed/argued about how to discipline the toddler because it brought up feelings of powerlessness for him. He said he felt like I was disregarding his opinions (like I have in the past). He asked me if I ever had even taken his thoughts into consideration. And I said something like "Yes I have always listened to your opinions, but ultimately I've done what I felt was right" (and he almost always went along…
/r/RedPillWives07/07/21 12:26 AM
2

OYSMe: 27, Husband 33, SAHM, 2 kids 3yo and 8 months, married 5 yrs Parenthood: The biggest struggle here right now is that the baby is not sleeping at all. Wakes up all the time, wanting attention in the middle of the night. Its been rough. Having lots of fun with the toddler. Goal is to have 1-2 more playdates this week. Health: Nothing new under the sun. Same weight (127), same goal (~122), same reason I haven’t reached it (yummy food). I am dedicating myself to be super strict with my diet f…
/r/RedPillWives06/07/21 09:46 PM
1

Aw Im so happy for you!
/r/RedPillWives05/07/21 10:52 PM
2

Do you have good door mats for you and the kids to wipe your feet when you go from outside to inside? It can at least help some of the dirt stay outside
/r/RedPillWives03/07/21 06:20 PM
2

Glad you're discovering a skincare routine that works for you! Sounds like you are doing a lot of good things! Great that you can get so much done before your child even wakes up! I cannot manage to wake up and be productive like that :)
/r/RedPillWives02/07/21 09:19 PM
7

OYS: Me: 27, Husband 33, 2 daughters 6 months and 3yrs SAHM Homemaking: Definitely struggling to balance everything. I love spending time with my toddler. I love spending time with my baby. I love keeping the house clean. I (sort of) love keeping up with laundry and meal planning and cooking. I love having time to myself everyday. But I always feel like I am rushing. Rushing to drop the toddler off at preschool. Rushing to get the baby changed. Rushing to pack the car. Rushing to unload the dish…
/r/RedPillWives28/06/21 07:25 PM
2

Yes, I would love this!
/r/RedPillWives25/06/21 04:56 PM
3

I need to baby wear. Honestly since my husband is home a lot its so tempting just to throw him the baby instead of lugging her around. But I will work on that this week! Baby wearing is probably the best solution. In regards to the broken washer, my husband is in charge of broken appliances in our house. He is very handy and can fix most things that break. He knows it needs to be fixed so im endeavoring to keep my mouth shut because im sure he will get to it/call a repair man as soon as he can. …
/r/RedPillWives22/06/21 10:30 PM
1

Fixer upper is challenging! Resetting to baseline everyday seems a very smart way to handle it. And breaking the phone addiction is hard. I deletes all apps on my phone. I still have internet. But I don't spend much time on it since I don't have reddit/Facebook/instagram etc on my phone. I don't even really text on my phone unless its an emergency. I respond to most texts on my computer. It is really freeing! Especially when giving my toddler "toddler time", I try to focus completely on her/the …
/r/RedPillWives22/06/21 10:26 PM
5

Me: 27, Husband 33, 2 daughters: 6 months and 4 years, SAHM Fitness/Health- I was really strict about dieting this last week and I lost 4 lbs! Proud of myself. Would like to lose 6 more. But omg I love food and hate dieting. Seriously, hate dieting. And love food. Lol. Goal for the next week: Lose 1-2 more lbs Appearance/Beauty- Still happy here. I found a couple of clean skincare/makeup brands over the last couple months that I LOVE. And I just found a shade of blush last week that works really…
/r/RedPillWives22/06/21 04:17 AM
2

You have a lot on your plate! I would come up with a routine and involve your kids in it! For example: - breakfast in the morning, followed by tidying of the kitchen (catch up on dishes) and start 1 load of laundry (move it along as it is ready) - I like tidying the house before my husband is done with work. I tell my 3 yo- "Time to clean up the house so its all nice and clean for daddy!" I let the house get filled with "stuff"- toys/art supplies etc during the day and do a 20 min tidy before hu…
/r/RedPillWives21/06/21 04:46 PM
2

How sweet! Hope it works for you :) I plan to declutter the kids room and kitchen. And catch up on laundry.
/r/RedPillWives19/06/21 05:09 AM
3

Since your hubs isn't giving you the validation you want, I would focus on the benefits your changes are giving YOU. How do YOU feel when the kitchen is all sparkly clean in the evening? Or the living room is tidy? Im trying to work on this too! I love validation from my husband (and luckily he doles it out frequently). But sometimes I still get annoyed when he doesn't comment when I put extra effort into my appearance, or got the house extra clean, or did one of his chores. Im trying to just fo…
/r/RedPillWives18/06/21 04:07 AM
6

Oof that's tough. My husband has been working from home since last year when the pandemic, and it has honestly been hard having him around all the time. I often feel like he is "in my space" and messes with the flow of me and the kids during the day. Can you think of opportunities you have/things you can enjoy while your husband is home for the summer? Are there adventures/trips/outings you all can go on together? Can you take advantage of him being home to do things you otherwise wouldn't be ab…
/r/RedPillWives16/06/21 04:07 PM
2

Two questions: Im curious, what do you think is stopping you from yielding to your husband's leadership? Do you control the finances and budget in your house? Have you read Laura Doyle's Surrendered Wife and her thoughts on finances in marriage? *And good job with the homemaking improvements! You have SO MUCH on your plate!
/r/RedPillWives16/06/21 04:59 AM
3

Re Mental: Funny- I have also been paralyzed by fear of death (did not know the word for it! I feel like we have so much in common, lol. It went on for years before I even really realized it was abnormal. I was obsessed with the thought that I had some undiscovered, serious disease/cancer. And I ruminated on the thought of that all the time. It wasn't until I got on SSRIs that it vanished. Re Social: Joining the Women's Institute seems like a great idea! Expanding your network can add a lot of j…
/r/RedPillWives16/06/21 04:47 AM
2

A framework is a great idea. I really just need a plan weekly. Because there are lots of things I enjoy cooking/ are easy for me to put together but so many days the afternoon rolls around and I realize we have no food/plan for dinner.
/r/RedPillWives16/06/21 04:34 AM
3

Honestly, when I wrote this last night, I was feeling really down/defeated. I am feeling much more optimistic today, so yes! I have goals! I reached out to my psychiatrist today and scheduled a follow up appointment for next week. Other goals: Stick to a diet! I started today with a set amount of calories and am planning on doing that for a week and reassessing then. Choose a book and start reading it (no specified amount just start!)
/r/RedPillWives16/06/21 04:31 AM
3

And Im not saying to tell your husband everything that crosses your mind. But desiring to have children is a strong, important desire that seems worth honoring and expressing. And if she tells him simply "Honey, I am really starting to feel a strong desire to have children now" and he says "I thought we decided to enjoy our marriage for a few years first", she can smile, say "I hear you and will respect your decision" and he will be happy that she trusts his leadership even if he disagrees. If y…
/r/RedPillWives16/06/21 12:13 AM
2

It doesn't have to be a battle. But she still should be free to express her desire (especially one this strong!) If she says simply to her fiancé "Honey, I feel a strong desire to have children soon" and THAT causes a breakup, there were deeper problems that that...
/r/RedPillWives15/06/21 10:18 PM
10

I disagree with this advice. Laura Doyle says to Express Your Desires! She can express her desire for children in a pure and outcome independent way. Bringing it up in a "joking" way is passive aggressive. And keeping her desire bottled up instead of honoring it by expressing it will only make her resentful.
/r/RedPillWives15/06/21 09:25 PM
6

Hi, definitely initiate a conversation about it! Express your desire without expectation, "Fiance, I would really love to have kids soon" or "Fiancé, I feel a powerful desire for children right now." Come up with something really simple to say and then leave it at that. He will probably respond with something neutral or negative "I thought we decided to wait?" or "I want to just enjoy being married to you for a while" or "Im worried about finances/stress to our new marriage etc". Listen intently…
/r/RedPillWives15/06/21 09:22 PM
1

I agree although I need the guilt about it to resolve because it's a hindrance to me actually making changes for myself. In the past he has taken on way more than his fair share around the house/ with kids etc to try to 'make me happy' and I still feel so much residual guilt over that too
/r/RedPillWives15/06/21 05:36 PM
1

He told me he is writing OYS but not posting them because he knows I would read them. He knows im posting over here but has told me that he won't read it (he has way more self control than me)
/r/RedPillWives15/06/21 05:31 PM
2

Thank you, I really appreciate that a lot. And I love the advice about getting in the zone for sex!
/r/RedPillWives15/06/21 04:59 PM
4

Me: 27, Husband: 33, 2 daughters 7 months, 3 yrs, SAHM Mental Health: Starting here this week because Ive been feeling down this week. Struggling a lot with self esteem issues, feeling like I am a bad mom, bad wife, not good enough. Im upset with myself that I lack the discipline to do the things I want to do- to lose the 10 lbs I want to, to waste less time on the internet, to read, to keep the house clean, to make dinners every day, to eat healthy, to meditate/pray, to plan adventures on the w…
/r/RedPillWives15/06/21 04:28 AM
1

Congratulations! A baby is so exciting, especially in the context of a stable, happy relationship. Happy for you :)
/r/RedPillWomen14/06/21 06:10 PM
2

Sounds like depression to me. You should make an appointment with a psychiatrist or therapist just to make sure :)
/r/RedPillWives13/06/21 02:06 AM
1

Interesting. Why do you think he tests you? Is it to "shake your pedestal" to see if your character is worthy, as FW implies? Or is it because he wants your attention, or something else?
/r/RedPillWives11/06/21 09:31 PM
2

Haha, I agree
/r/RedPillWives11/06/21 09:30 PM
1

Yes, this makes sense to me. I think it happens in the dating world, I don't really think it happens often in marriage
/r/RedPillWives11/06/21 09:30 PM
2

I agree. It didn't really resonate with my experience either.
/r/RedPillWives11/06/21 09:29 PM
2

Aw, that's great!
/r/RedPillWives11/06/21 03:56 AM
1

Thank you <3
/r/RedPillWives09/06/21 04:51 PM
1

Oooh that is exciting! Glad you have something to look forward to :)
/r/RedPillWives09/06/21 04:50 PM
2

Thank you <3 That is so nice to hear. You are going to make my cry happy tears, haha
/r/RedPillWives09/06/21 01:14 AM
4

1.When I met my husband I was right out of college and he was 5 years older than me. He had a masters, good job, clean (though verrrry bare haha) apartment. He was just so competent. We had similar values and long term goals. We met doing a sport we were both passionate about. And I got to see how hard he worked to achieve a goal, and I was attracted to his drive. He also took care of me. I felt safe with him. He was respectful of my boundaries (no sex until marriage... even though he was not re…
/r/RedPillWives09/06/21 12:53 AM
3

I love this. You married a quality man!
/r/RedPillWives09/06/21 12:43 AM
1

Yes, competence is super sexy. Competence in his work. Competence in taking care of his part of the household/adulting etc (wives don't want to feel like they are "mothering" their husband). Competence in terms of staying calm and knowing what to do in a crisis. And yes, confidence in all those things (work, themselves etc). But also in the direction they as men want to lead their family.
/r/RedPillWives09/06/21 12:42 AM
4

This is a great tip, thank you!
/r/RedPillWives09/06/21 12:37 AM
2

I know :/ It actually made me cry. I think my self esteem already isn't very good, and I already feel like I am failing/not going a good enough job balancing the house/kids/myself/husband. And so when my husband says something relatively mild like "baby, im taking on too many chores around the house, and you haven't been doing enough" makes my thoughts spiral to "I am failing at taking care of the house... I am a bad wife... I am a bad mom... I am not good enough etc"
/r/RedPillWives09/06/21 12:36 AM
2

Sounds like great progress and improvement happening! Regarding the moodiness, is there anything that you find lifts your spirits? For me, staying home all the time with young kids and cleaning up the same room for the millionth time that day gets tiresome and lonely at times. And then I try to think of fun things to do with the kids during my husband's work day to lift all of our spirits. Park/beach/hike/play date/library/visit family etc. Im learning husbands like coming home to happy wives, e…
/r/RedPillWives09/06/21 12:30 AM
2

Lots of self improvement, awesome! And wow- what amazing self awareness you have! Too catch yourself before you say something that doesn't really add value to the conversation and too invite others to speak instead... I need to work on this too!
/r/RedPillWives09/06/21 12:23 AM
2

Awesome that you are allowing him to take your picture, even if that makes you uncomfortable! Hopefully it helps you feel more confident! Good you are recognizing the shit tests and walking yourself back from them. Have you told him how much you appreciate it when he praises or compliments you?
/r/RedPillWives09/06/21 12:19 AM
3

Hi! You have lots on your plate! In the newborn period, expect little of yourself. You will be recovering from childbirth! Prioritize 3 things (besides newborn snuggles :)): Look presentable (not like a model! but brush your hair, put on a comfy dress and sweater and a little makeup if you're up for it). Looking good can make you feel loads happier. Get you and the baby outside (when you feel ready). Go on a short walk down the street. Sit outside and bask in the sun for a few minutes. Nurse you…
/r/RedPillWives08/06/21 04:20 PM
2

Awesome! If you have any higher quality thrift stores in your area, you can check those out for good quality clothing pieces for cheap :)
/r/RedPillWives08/06/21 05:06 AM
2

Since you are both virgins, I am going to assume you are religious? Just curious, I am Christian and didn't have sex before marriage either (my husband had in other relationships). For me, the qualities I look for and desire most in my husband is: 1. confidence 2. leadership 3. competence My husband and I both are working towards a more traditional relationship. I would recommend reading this post, and seeing if any of these situations described (in the comments too!) describe your relationship.…
/r/RedPillWives08/06/21 05:01 AM
2

Me: 27, Husband 33. Married 4 years.2 daughters, 6 months, 3 yrs, SAHM Social: I have some friends I need to reach out too in the next few weeks!Housekeeping: My husband told me today that I am not doing enough cleaning around the house, and he feels like he has had to do too much lately. I have let l cleaning and tidying slip the last few weeks. There are a couple reasons for this: 1. I have been spending lots of time playing with the kids and doing things out of the house 2. I have been doing …
/r/RedPillWives08/06/21 01:42 AM
1

Its a phrase from Laura Doyle's Surrendered Wife. It just means worrying about yourself and the things you're responsible for and not about your husband and the things he is responsible for. For example if I say, "You're really going to wear that shirt to dinner with my family?? The blue one looks so much nicer on you", it would not be staying on my paper. Staying on my paper would be worrying about what I would wear, not what my husband is choosing to wear. In the instance mentioned in this pos…
/r/RedPillWives05/06/21 03:49 AM
3

Thanks! Just an FYI- most red pill wives thought that sending my husband the link to Marriedredpill was a bad idea because either: The members of r/marriedredpill seemed like angry, plate-spinning douches OR... This could be just another way for me to "top from the bottom" and force my husband to lead the way I wanted him too. I decided to do it anyways because I really believed that the problem in our relationship was an education issue. My husband and I both wanted a relationship where he woul…
/r/RedPillWives04/06/21 07:25 PM
2

That sounds like a really difficult situation. The reality of life is that we can't focus on everything all the time. Hopefully soon your work eases a bit and you have more time for self care <3
/r/RedPillWives02/06/21 06:01 PM
3

I love this! Amazing what a positive demeanor and expressing your desires purely can do :)
/r/RedPillWives02/06/21 06:00 PM
2

Yay for meeting your fitness goals!
/r/RedPillWives01/06/21 04:54 AM
3

Exactly.
/r/RedPillWives30/05/21 06:09 PM
21

I think Red Pill Wives is also "RP on hard mode", just for women. Getting married and living with your spouse brings up all sorts of issues that don't necessarily come out while dating someone for a shorter period of time. I think MRP is 'hard mode" for men, because their wives will see any chink in their armor so to speak. And I think the same is true for women. Getting dressed up to go on a date is easy compared to looking nice/put together all the time. It is easy to be kind and understanding…
/r/RedPillWives30/05/21 05:43 PM
8

Im not saying this is the best strategy, but when I find myself bored with the monotony of home/cleaning, I take like a whole work week (m-f) and just spend a bunch of time doing fun out of the house things with my kids. Go to the park. Go to the beach. Go on a hike. To a local kids museum. Aquarium. Zoo. Friends house. Ice cream shop. Local pizzeria etc. I do the bare minimum cleaning that week, and my husband helps pitch in as well. Im lucky that my husband really values me doing fun things wi…
/r/RedPillWives28/05/21 07:41 PM
2

It sounds like he wants to do a "test run" to make sure you do a good enough job before he proposes. Again, this seems like a terrible idea. What happens if you can't meet his expectations because you are busy with work and can't cook an elaborate enough meal or keep the house up to his standards? If you believe in Red Pill theory, it really doesn't make sense for you to give your boyfriend everything he requests, without having any sort of security in return. I understand you want to live with …
/r/RedPillWives28/05/21 12:01 AM
2

No, its always been this way. I have never handled it well when he is anything but "happy", and I think that has made him act "happy" even when things in our relationship were off.
/r/RedPillWives27/05/21 11:52 PM
1

My husband protects me from things that stress me out. I get a lot of anxiety over many different things- in overwhelming social situations, dealing with finances, confrontations with people (ex: negotiating prices on contracting work for our home, being firm with our kid's doctors/teachers/ grandparents about our parenting decisions etc). Even when I get overwhelmed with a messy house or crazy kids, my husband does his best to shield me from those things by coming in to help/rescue me. Im impro…
/r/RedPillWives27/05/21 11:50 PM
14

Please don't move in with him! At least until you are engaged with a wedding date set. Of course he wants you to move in- he wants all the benefits of having a woman around without having to make the long term commitment. It sounds like he wants someone to keep his home clean, provide all the feminine touches men love, cook, be available for sex, give him female companionship etc. Those things are all beautiful gifts to give a man, but please consider waiting until you get something out of this …
/r/RedPillWives27/05/21 12:33 AM
1

I am not worried about him cheating on me or leaving me. I am worried about him getting angry and/or withdrawing from me. I need to figure out how to distance myself from his emotions because I cannot handle it when he is upset, angry, distant, stressed, etc.
/r/RedPillWives26/05/21 11:49 PM
1

Yes, my husband is the same way. And I can't mentally submit if I don't feel he is stronger than me, dominant over me etc. So then I feel my options are: 1) brat/shit test until I feel he is stronger/dominant over me 2) stop the session 3) go along with it even though I don't feel mentally submissive If I brat/shit test and he ups the dominance and is able to remain congruent then we have amazzzzing sex. If he can't, it triggers a fight. If I stop the session, it usually triggers a fight. And ev…
/r/RedPillWives26/05/21 05:32 AM
1

Some creeping anxiety about the idea of my husband dying. Losing my BIL last year started this particular anxiety badly, just trying to manage it. I also have struggled with similar catastrophic thoughts about myself, or my daughters or my husband dying. How are your coping mechanisms working? Im interested to hear! I was not able to get a hold on them at all until I started taking SSRIs. ​ I'm seeing a lot of his worries about letting me down as a provider, increasing my worries about the house…
/r/RedPillWives25/05/21 08:02 PM
3

Wow, you have done a lot this week! Great job on the house especially :) I know it feels good to stay on top of it :) And props to being able to take a step back from your relationship and focus on yourself. That is not easy to do.
/r/RedPillWives25/05/21 07:53 PM
2

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate! Have you been getting self care in to your day? Glad you figured out a good schedule for your daughter :)
/r/RedPillWives25/05/21 07:49 PM
2

Sounds like you are doing great! I have found a lot of really nice clothes for great prices as thrift stores and consignment shops :)
/r/RedPillWives25/05/21 07:48 PM
2

ooh id love to hear more about this if you don't mind. did you introduce the concept to him?
/r/RedPillWives25/05/21 06:18 PM
2

I lean towards being a bratty sub, which I suppose looks much like very over shit tests to get manhandled and put in my place. Its testing his sexual dominance for sure. But it's not designed to test him as a man. Does that make sense? That does make sense, and is definitely different than what I am doing. My "bratting" and "shit-testing" are basically the same. Out of curiosity, is your husband "red pill aware"?
/r/RedPillWives25/05/21 04:37 PM
2

Hi HappilyMrs! I'm so thankful for your enthusiasm and input, its nice for me to have someone to "talk" to about these things. Not exactly the kind of conversation I have over playdates haha. I am also most definitely a very bratty sub. I brat to up the level of intensity, dominance in a session. This has led to so many fights in our relationship in the past, where my husband would do all things to try to be more dominant, but despite his actions seeming dominating, I was never able to see him a…
/r/RedPillWives25/05/21 04:31 PM
3

I don't know if this will work for you, but this is what I do! (1) shave with conditioner. Ive always done this, I feel like it helps hydrate and soften my skin (2) ensure my blade is sharp. shaving with a dull blade can really irritate your skin. I use a men's razor as I have found those to be nicer, sharper, and cheaper. And make sure you frequently change out the blade! It makes such a big difference :) Im also thinking about trying out waxing sometime soon, maybe that would be a better solut…
/r/RedPillWives25/05/21 04:17 PM
2

I understand that it can be hard to get things done when others are around. im always more productive when I have the house to myself. Maybe as things open back up you can go to a library or coffee shop to get your work done? Sometimes it can be helpful to get a change of scenery :)
/r/RedPillWives25/05/21 04:41 AM
7

OYS 3:Me: 27 Husband: 33, Married 4 years, 2 daughters- 6mo and 3yo. SAHM Last week my goals were to 1) get new makeup, especially clean foundation for my acne-prone skin 2) work prayer and meditation into my daily routine 3) do something everyday for my husbandI got new makeup that I love! But that’s it. Honestly I forgot about my other 2 goals :/ Social: I have been doing great here! Im confident asking my mom friends and their kids to meet somewhere or come over for play dates, and its been r…
/r/RedPillWives25/05/21 04:12 AM
3

Hi, this sounds like you are handling a very difficult situation well. It seems like you are doing the best you can in many areas of your life: with your yoga, running, cooking, school, your appearance etc. But, as you said yourself, you feel lonely. It seems to me like you need to improve the social aspect of your life. I think if you decreased your loneliness and increased your social interaction, you would find your mood increasing, which will then motivate you to be more consistent with the …
/r/RedPillWives23/05/21 11:55 PM
2

It also can help to buy some things pre-made (rotisserie chicken, pre-marinaded meat that just needs to go in the oven, sauces everyone likes to put over rice, pre-cut veggies etc)
/r/RedPillWives23/05/21 09:27 PM
6

The easiest meals for me involve choosing 3 things 1. meat 2. carb/starch 3. vegetable Examples: rotisserie chicken, baked sweet potatoes, sautéed green beans premartinated chicken breast purchased from the store (that you bake in oven), roasted carrots in oven, baked potatoes baked salmon, cornbread (from a mix), roasted broccoli pasta with meat sauce and Baked tomatoes topped with Stoufferes spinach soufflé's and parmesan steak strips (marinated with brown sugar, soy sauce, ginger, garlic), ri…
/r/RedPillWives23/05/21 09:25 PM
2

This is great advice, thank you!!
/r/RedPillWives23/05/21 06:01 PM
1

#2- That is what I think will happen to, and what I hope does! Thanks for all your input :)
/r/RedPillWives23/05/21 06:01 PM
3

I hear what you are saying. A couple more thoughts: I disagree with your implication that finding out the "why" is unimportant. I have sought therapy (and meds) for depression and anxiety in the last couple of years. And a lot of talk therapy involves understanding why you are behaving the way you are. Understanding the why is often the first step, and the foundation for making change. I actually can see this path being effective for us. My husband and I are both "red pill aware" (recent) and bo…
/r/RedPillWives23/05/21 03:01 AM
2

This is amazing, helpful advice, thank you so much.
/r/RedPillWives23/05/21 01:37 AM
4

once a woman is past the point of it being a subconscious act, it no longer qualifies as a s\** test* Im not convinced this is true. A shit test is testing the strength of a man's frame right? Right now, I am not aware in the moment that I am shit testing, I can realize what happened if I reflect on it later. But even if it was conscious, it is still congruent with my deep feminine desire to ensure what I am submitting to a strong and solid man. ​ When I feel fearful or irritable about my husban…
/r/RedPillWives23/05/21 01:29 AM
3

I like it!
/r/RedPillWives22/05/21 10:14 PM
3

I think so. I do my best to take time to myself when the toddler is watching tv and the baby is napping. And my hubs is happy to stay with the kids so I can go to may dance class (which I love!). And I relax with a glass of wine at the end of the day as well. But sometimes I still feel like all of my patience and gentleness goes into mothering my children, and there is no patience left for my husband when he gets home from work :/
/r/RedPillWives22/05/21 10:02 PM
3

Maybe call it "Tea Time" (or is that to close to u/teaandtalk haha)? We can talk to each other as if we were friends chatting over afternoon tea. And it also relates to "spilling the tea" about our lives/thoughts/relationships like we would to our diary.
/r/RedPillWives22/05/21 09:59 PM
4

Interesting, same! Its nice to hear someone else has some of the same struggles. I was raised with 3 brothers, and toughness was the most emphasized virtue in my childhood house. Be tough, be tough, be tough. It was drilled into me. And I ignored other more feminine virtues such as gentleness, softness, emotional intelligence, and vulnerability. I created a wall around my heart to be "tough" and so being soft and gentle and vulnerable does not come naturally to me. But now I want to work on cult…
/r/RedPillWives22/05/21 09:23 PM
4

Yes, it is very well managed now. I see a therapist and am on anti-depressants (SSRIs), but I think I will always struggle it. I do like the idea of journaling about my husband to look back on it! Maybe remembering/ reading about when all of the many times he is a rock for me can comfort me when I am feeling like he can't be there for me. Thank you!
/r/RedPillWives22/05/21 06:30 PM
1

I met my husband through a sport we both love to do! I recommend putting thought into what activities and hobbies you might enjoy (local soccer league, hiking group, church group, volunteering, fitness classes etc) and spend time OUT doing things that. you enjoy :)
/r/RedPillWives22/05/21 04:09 PM
2

Put yourself out there doing things that you love to do. Get involved in hobbies that you enjoy, volunteer, join church groups etc. Put thought into what activities you might enjoy spending time doing, and get out there doing them! I met my husband doing a sport we both enjoy :)
/r/RedPillWives22/05/21 04:07 PM
2

I love this idea!
/r/RedPillWives22/05/21 07:07 AM
1

Lol even the men that commented on this post didn't recommend me to send my husband to MRP haha. I feel that you are being pretty judgmental, and honestly I continue to be pretty surprised at the degree of hatred towards r/marriedredpill on the r/RedPillWives subreddit. I understand that there immoral and narcissistic men on that subreddit. But there are also men that desire to improve themselves and learn how to be leaders in a society that is actively discouraging men from leadership. I also f…
/r/RedPillWives19/05/21 08:44 PM
4

Thank you. I sent him your comment, so the ball is in his court.
/r/RedPillWives19/05/21 05:40 AM
4

Neither mid-thigh shorts nor tank tops are immodest, so I definitely would not think that they would "ward off men". But, more than your goal being "showing skin" your goal should be to create a style that works for YOU and your body. You can stand out (instead of camouflaging yourself) by looking and dressing like you are confident in yourself. I was raised in a household that wore athletic clothes 95% of the time, and never was stylish. In the last year, I have made a conscious effort to culti…
/r/RedPillWives19/05/21 05:03 AM
1

yeah its sad. people are not meant to be isolated and alone. regarding skincare- working on it. I do skincare everyday- wash/ toner/ serum/ moisturizer in the morning and evening, but I might need to switch products. my skin has been breaking out a lot lately, but it also might be because I am wearing makeup daily which I've never done before
/r/RedPillWives18/05/21 07:11 PM
1

maybe try asking if he will be willing to get a Roomba used on Facebook marketplace?
/r/RedPillWives18/05/21 07:04 PM
3

Hi! The tidying thing is definitely a balance because you also need to make sure that you are not running yourself ragged. Something I have been trying lately is to develop a list of morning chores that I do first thing, and evening chores that I do right before bed. For me, morning chores are: make bed, unload dishes, start a load of laundry. Evening chores are: tidy living area (put all the kids toys away etc), wipe down kitchen counters, start dishwasher and run Roomba. That way every morning…
/r/RedPillWives18/05/21 05:11 PM
5

OYS 2:Me: 27 Husband: 33, Married 4 years, 2 daughters- 6mo and 3yo. SAHM Social: I decided to start with the social category today, because I am proud of myself for my improvement in this area. I struggle a lot with feeling like I am unwanted and am an inconvenience and burden on others. I feel therapy and SSRIs have helped me to get past this somewhat, and I have been able to really connect with other moms! I am also putting myself out there as a hostess, inviting other moms/kids to come over …
/r/RedPillWives18/05/21 05:42 AM
2

Hi Rachel, at 18 years old you are far ahead of your peers in terms of maturity. I commend you for devoting yourself to cultivating a long-term relationship at such a young age! (Im 27 and married and you are asking questions I wished I would have asked at 18!). It definitely does seem that you are in a tough spot. I would definitely recommend the car over the apartment, if those are your only two options. Alternatively, look into dorm housing/ renting with female roommates close to campus to ea…
/r/RedPillWives16/05/21 03:57 AM
3

Good question. He is very involved, and always happy to help. But I feel guilty when he has to help with the house. I feel like because he works, I should be able to take everything else. Also, he does all the "manly" chores- mowing the lawn/ killing the bugs, fixing our garbage disposal etc, and takes care of all of our bills/ finances.
/r/RedPillWives13/05/21 02:26 AM
2

Have you considered volunteering? That might be a good alternative to working! Or else, do you have any hobbies you can engage in outside of the house?
/r/RedPillWives12/05/21 05:14 PM
3

Down 50 pounds! That is amazing! How did you do that?? How do you keep up on the house so well that you feel you can add more to your plate?? Im so impressed. My toddler gets so mad at me whenever I do housework for more than like 10 minutes, haha. Going to the zoo sounds nice. I try to go to the park or on a child-led walk with my kids everyday (meaning I go at my toddlers pace/ stop to look at bugs and pick up rocks etc). I feel it helps me connect with her and also helps my mental health just…
/r/RedPillWives12/05/21 04:32 AM
14

My OYS 1: Health- Im still up 10 pounds from having my second daughter 6 months ago. I have just been eating to many high calorie things. I am still confident in my body, but I know I would look more put together if I lose 5-10 lbs. The problem is eating more that exercising. I get regular exercise and chase around my kids all day, but I do eat a lot of carbs and not a lot of protein/ vegetables. I think because I am not technically overweight and I still feel good in my body, I am struggling to…
/r/RedPillWives12/05/21 01:10 AM
4

I definitely second the Surrendered Wife suggestion! And I agree that your husband might be insecure about you making more money that him, especially because it seems he really wants to be a good provider. Additionally, maybe is wants to make sure he alone earns enough to provide in case you ever decide to stay home in the future? Also, who is in charge of the finances in your household? I highly recommend that you consider relinquishing complete control of household finances to your husband. Yo…
/r/RedPillWives09/05/21 09:09 PM
1

Definitely agree
/r/RedPillWives04/05/21 10:35 PM
2

I have, for the first time about 3 years ago. I have implemented many principles, but it is hard to continue consistently when I feel it is so onesided.
/r/RedPillWives04/05/21 10:10 PM
1

I might be confused, I thought red pill wives was like the female counterpart to married red pill, and so im kind of surprised by the negativity. Yes, there are some very angsty/ angry/ immoral men on married red pill. however, it also seemed like there are a lot of men who are working extremely hard to improve themselves and learn how to lead women who desire to be lead. also, I would argue that some amount of anger is justifiable when many men feel lied to by different aspects of modern day fe…
/r/RedPillWives04/05/21 09:14 PM
1

Yeah I understand that, and that is really my hesitation. On the other hand, that is already where we are at right now... me feeling like Im topping from the bottom. The thing that gives me hope is that I honestly believe that he has the potential to be an excellent leader/ dominant etc. AND I believe that is actually what HE wants too. (It is what he says that he wants as well). He is capable and competent and an extremely hard worker in his personal life/ professional life/ family life/ with h…
/r/RedPillWives04/05/21 09:06 PM
1

I truly hope you find something but leading him there won't be a long term solution. The thing that gives me hope is that I actually believe that he does not like it when I lead. He is an extremely competent leader at work, and honestly, I am an emotional/ often anxious person.... not a great leader. I think he simply does not know how. His mother and father have a super unhealthy dynamic... his mom criticizes/ belittles/ puts down her husband all the time and his dad learned to just grumble to …
/r/RedPillWives04/05/21 05:47 PM
1

Yeah, that makes sense to me. The thing is though, we have already had talks about our relationship dynamics etc. He says that he wants to lead/ be dominant but I FEEL like its fake... that he is looking for my guidance/ approval and that ultimately, if we disagree on something important, we would go with my opinion. I guess I am hoping that the material on Married Red Pill would help guide him to what "real" leadership looks like... because right now I feel like I am faking submission. I feel l…
/r/RedPillWives04/05/21 05:25 PM
2

Ok! I will read Fascinating Womanhood right away. I have read Laura Doyle's Surrendered Wife. I read it for the first time about 3 years ago, and a few times since then. Some principles have been pretty easy for me to apply once I was aware of what I was doing (like staying on my own paper/ self care/ "I hear you"). The problem is more that even if I successfully implement the principles, I feel like he is looking for my approval/ guidance etc, which makes me feel like I am ultimately "in charge…
/r/RedPillWives04/05/21 05:19 PM
1

I wouldn't recommend RP content to him because if you already feel like he's not taking charge and you're having to take control by default, if he actually reads and starts to make changes, will you actually be happy wondering if he's only doing it to make you happy? Will you still feel like you were in control by showing it to him? I don't know... its a great question. The thing is, that is what I feel right now. Every time he (tries) to take charge, I feel like he is only doing it for me. He s…
/r/RedPillWives04/05/21 05:05 PM
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