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NothingIsEverEnough Archive

View 0 posts and 846 comments by NothingIsEverEnough on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

You’re lucky you’re not in for a lifetime. Yes, worth it!!
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 03:40 PM
7

I believe the best thing you can do is to assure her of how you feel about the marriage. What you appreciate about it, what you’d like to see different, and how much commitment you have to it. Ask her questions, with curiosity. Listen to the answer and don’t debate it. Just take it in no reply needed. That’s you showing up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 09:27 PM
5

The viability of a relationship ends when one or both partners stop working on it. I am glad you found something better, that gives you the space to grow and to enjoy
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 04:29 PM
2

I feel for you. That’s a tough spot. Do what’s best for your son. That means taking care of yourself first. So that you can show up for him…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 04:37 PM
2

You probably have nothing in terms of assets. A lawyer will suck you dry. Just file and get the divorce done. You can do it by yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 10:43 PM
1

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/s/uuq2QztD8d
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 03:59 PM
5

This all comes down to how it is argued in front of the court. It all becomes left to interpretation, best thing you can do is settle out of court.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 07:58 PM
3

You come up with a parenting plan and seek an agreement. That’s why you do. It’s the opposite of what you’re suggesting, which was to draw out the conflict
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 04:19 PM
5

You’re not doing this for the kids. Your choice is a poor one. The actual process of getting a divorce (not being divorced) is what damages children the most. And you’re openly stating that you wish to prolong this process.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 02:29 PM
5

Phew! You get out alive
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 08:36 PM
13

Update us after court!!
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 09:59 PM
1

It sounds petty. Sell it or recycle it. Your life will be better if you let go of anger and resentment. This next chapter has nothing to do with her. It’s you setting yourself up for how you want to live your life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 04:37 PM
1

In my own divorce, anything that had been invested by the separation date was property eligible for division. Any RSU that vested after that I kept. Those were considered future income, and not guaranteed
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 08:23 PM
17

You can be boyfriend/girlfriend after the divorce is finalized. That’s the true test of intentions
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 08:52 PM
2

I wouldn’t worry about “hiding” assets. It’s all discoverable. Maintenance can typically be determined by averaging the last three years tax returns. So yes. Get a lawyer and make sure it all gets done properly. Just don’t waste your money and the lawyers time on some goose egg hunt. Just file the proper paperwork and have the judge rule on it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 10:52 PM
1

What are you fighting over. A couple of thousand or a couple of million. Make sure your effort is not more than the reward.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 08:52 PM
15

I got married again. It was important to her. And we also handled what was important to me, like a nuptial agreement. We own a home together, 50/50, everything else is separate. I don’t mind it. She’s a great companion.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 05:10 PM
-6

I love the down votes. It’s been 81 days since OP first posted. I’m not sure OP intends to do any work on himself. Guess god will do it for him while his wife is a whore.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 07:07 PM
6

Lawyers on both sides only make money if you remain in conflict. With the filing or protection order litigation has started. This can take years now. The only way it’s gonna go faster as if the two of you reach an agreement outside of court. If you expect the lawyers to finish out and close this case, you may have the wrong expectations. The lawyers represent you. And if the two of you can’t come to an agreement, with or without lawyers, the Case remains open.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 06:06 PM
-15

slut shaming because you’re insecure? You have your own healing to do. Leave her alone. She’s a free woman
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 02:17 PM
1

I’d want to divorce you too. You may be angry, but what you’re proposing will hurt the kids the most.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 10:13 PM
2

r/bpdlovedones You are not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 02:33 AM
2

r/bpdlovedones
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 01:49 AM
3

Family court works on patterns. Mostly current and risk of future patterns. History means very little unless there is substantiated evidence from the past. You would have to prove that she continues to abuse you. That’s hard if you’re divorcing. And even then, there is very little chance that would free you from your financial obligation. I’d say you have less than 1% chance winning. You should of course get opinions elsewhere too. Just remember a lawyer makes money from drawn out conflicts, not…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 09:33 PM
2

Pay a lump sum up front. Claiming abuse after the realization that you have to pay support is difficult for the court to swallow. You’re not the first one doing so, whether the abuse is substantiated or not.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 09:16 PM
9

It’s important to recognize that the person imitating the divorce has pondered it for some time. Sometimes years. They have gone through and processed the lost before it has even happened. That’s the only difference between the two of you. You will have to start the process of grieving yourself. All the way from Denial to Acceptance and the steps in between. The best divorce is the amicable one. Trust me on this. Conflict causes more pain, delays the process and thus delays the healing. There is…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 09:14 PM
3

In many states, minors do have a say. Not in all states. But the agreement was between you and your ex spouse. Your daughter did not have a say in that agreement. Understandably your daughter will push back. I’d rather have a relationship with my kids from 18 until I’m gone rather than making my kids life difficult between 15-18. My ex fought tooth and nail for control over the kids, regardless of their wishes . She even sent over armed law enforcement to force “parenting time”. They are now 16 …
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 12:14 PM
4

Decision to leave doesn’t come easy, nor does it come fast. Albeit it being new to you, this has been years of brooding for her. The best thing you can do is learn what equitable split is in your state and try to reach a mutual agreement and divorce as fast as possible. The longer a conflict lasts the more it costs and the damage, fiscal and emotional, compounds. If you’re bound for alimony, offer a lump dump upfront so that you can have a clean cut and move on
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 12:09 PM
10

She’s 15. Old enough to decide for herself regardless what the law says. She’s in her identity finding stage. If you were still married, your 15 year olds would naturally avoid both of you to find their peers. It’s the same now. You have a very long relationship ahead of you with your daughter. Allow her to be herself. Leave an open door for her. Offer to visit her in FL on her terms. Or, take it to court. And slowly deteriorate your future relationship
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 11:54 AM
4

I had started from scratch, worked up a good nest egg…she never worked…still doesn’t. Half of it is gone now. But I’m free from her, so are the kids who are with me 100%
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 04:41 PM
9

Probably around $400,000 over six years. Ex has spent in the $850,000 range It’s fucking insane.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 04:24 AM
5

My ex spent $850,000 and has 0% custody
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 10:44 PM
5

Even on this forum, emotionally, intelligent, and self-aware males is not the norm. Those qualities get programmed out of us at a very young age and throughout our lives. It’s being called everything from politically correct, woke, weak, emasculating to who knows what other offending languages out there I am not sure that the qualities, like self-awareness, emotional intelligence, kindness, and self-confidence show up on an online profile. Unless they’re written straight into your profile itself…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 08:22 PM
2

That’s not your decision. Only if she decides to work through it, does our input matter. Once you agree to give it another shot, you’ll have years to work through it. At that point you must become a master of validation her feelings each time it comes up, and you’ll need to become an expert at not being defensive and regulating your own emotions. It’s not an easy path. If you’re unable to validate feelings and truly listen and empathize without becoming defensive today, this is an uphill struggl…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 07:14 PM
2

It’s all her fault. The dog is my prison. I am a victim. Your long post suggests that you value poetry over reality. Not one ounce of reflection on what has actually gone wrong and what your part of it was. Harsh? Maybe? Worth pondering….absolutely!! Heartless, not at all. Divorce is tough. One of the most stressful moments of your life. It sucks. I really does suck. No one debates that. However, divorce is a loss. And that’s all it is, especially in your early stage when children aren’t involve…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:46 AM
1

In my state, WA, there is a process to force a trial within a certain timeframe At the trial, whether the ex participates or not, the divorce will be final
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 05:23 PM
4

Thank you for sharing. It is an absolutely horrific court system. I’m glad you got your kid back! I’m glad for you and for your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 01:01 AM
1

Sometimes that’s all we do. It’s what I did for years, just get through one more day. You will be ok. Stay connected to people.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 11:12 PM
2

Let it all out. (just not at the expense of your personal relationships) Your pain, oozing out, is an opportunity to process it. Write about it Scream about it (into a pillow) Break shit about (in a safe manner) It has to come out and leave your body for you to move on. I support you in your journey!! I know it’s not easy.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 11:10 PM
5

My kids were taken away from me, by law enforcement with guns. Once again, you’re approaching me, like you do to others, that no one can relate to your pain. Please remember, that there are other ways to relating to pain, than feeling it (sympathy) for you. Empathy is the healthy response. What you’re going through is absolute hell. And you’re not alone. Darrel Riley, who hasn’t seen his youngest daughter passed away last week. Never had a chance to say goodbye to his 14 year old that he hadn’t …
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 10:59 PM
14

Your coworker is right, your mistake was attempting to compare misery. Experiencing challenges is subjective. What one person considers “what doesn’t kill me makes it stronger” literally makes another person commit suicide. I’m at the end of a high conflict legal battle. My ex has spent $900,000 in legal fees and at least 12 lawyers. She no longer has any contact with our kids due to her own actions. So yes, I know high conflict, I know trauma, there is no shortage of it here. Still, you don’t t…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 10:39 PM
3

She was not only done with the marriage, but she was done parenting. She sold you her kids. In the end, it is what it is. Your dissolution is still better than the parents who fight and the parents that weaponize the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 05:40 PM
2

Right. Your lawyer represents you, but you have the final say in everything. You decide how to move forward. Good luck brother
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 08:54 PM
2

Your lawyer wants conflict. The longer you two fight, the more money your lawyer makes….while your entire family suffers. You had a deal, and now you’re back to the drawing board. You decide how long you wish to stay in conflict. Fuck alimony. I’ve never been a fan of one adult supporting another adult
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 08:51 PM
5

Typically, when one partner states they want to get divorced, they have been thinking about it for years. While this is brand new for you, she's already gone through the stages of grief. That is what creates the gap between you. She's done, and you're only now starting to process it (despite she moved out of your bedroom a year ago). For the comments that state: get a lawyer, protect yourself, I urge caution. Lawyers make more money the longer the parties stay in conflict. There is a direct fina…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/25 01:52 PM
11

50….starting over can be amazing if you’re willing to work on yourself. Mostly your empathy and emotional regulation. You get those two, you become irresistible and you become the pick of the litter. Most single men over 50 are single for a being man-children I love my life. Met an incredible partner, and when shit gets hard, we work on it together
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 12:18 AM
2

The number is arbitrary Washington - 16 years marriage- guideline was 25% length
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 03:14 AM
9

4 years. $4,000/month She refused to work.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/25 01:41 AM
2

First, is she asking for alimony? Don’t start a battle if there is none to be had. Second, does she want to draw out the divorce in court? Do you? Again, the fastest and cheapest way to divorce is to agree. Maybe make her an offer to settle and get it all done.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 08:08 PM
12

You should have called. Not calling makes a later allegation questionable Next time, call 911
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 05:03 AM
6

Comparison is the killer of joy Focus on creating the life you want to have
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 07:21 PM
1

I think I hate my ex, but she doesn’t occupy any headspace. There is a difference there. My life move along just fine
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 10:59 PM
3

Carefully pick the hill to die on. Most hills aren’t it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 07:40 PM
1

Best thing you can do is agree with her that neither of you pay any alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 06:25 PM
6

What are you doing with your own life? Move on
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 06:09 PM
7

“would she crawl back” Why would you dabble in this nonsensical question? What do you have to gain from this? Nothing good comes out of this. Move on, seek joy and purpose
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 09:52 PM
3

Congratulations. It sounds like you got a very favorable situation. At some point, it is expected of you to stop using the court and its resources for things that can be done outside. I don’t know your ex spouse. I know that I will never be able to agree to anything with my ex spouse. So court is often my only path to any type of resolution. But this path is slow, and cumbersome, and expensive. You still have six years to coparent, both of you can greatly benefit from de-escalation. Why do you t…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 08:13 PM
1

The judge doesn’t give a shit about duplicity. They just want the paperwork correctly filled out. Especially things that may be disagreements later.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 10:50 PM
1

It’s fine doing it yourself. If you want help just filling out paperwork, get with a paralegal.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 07:19 PM
25

Regardless of how many paragraphs you write, there is one aspect that you are missing. When one person asks for divorce, that’s not a new found realization they wish to explore with their spouse. When a person asks for divorce they have thought about it for a very long time. Sometimes years. They have also touched on many of the phases in the grief cycle of losing the relationship. For you, this is brand new. For her it isn’t. So, there is almost no chance to save a marriage because you’re at su…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 06:17 PM
2

This sounds very needy You’re looking to fill a void and there is a person willing to do it. What will you do when the novelty wears off. So, if you put your big boy pants on, you’d sit down and talk to your wife about boundaries during the divorce. Maybe she wants to sow her oats and as such, you’re both being held back by social expectations because you haven’t discussed it. If you both agree, then you could have a more mature relationship with this new woman, where you could explore what each…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:48 PM
5

I never cried. Divorce took years and hundreds of thousands. Not all stories are the same. Life started the day I filed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 09:56 PM
4

A confident person will start the conversation regardless of looks. It isn’t a wait and see
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 07:14 AM
5

Confidence and emotionally intelligent humor Looks have nothing to do with it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 06:10 AM
8

You need to move on. Don’t try to control what happens in the other house. That’s not your monkeys nor your circus. Not listening to this advice will only create more conflict and lead to a lower quality of life for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 12:05 AM
2

Creating an authentic emotional connection with another person can make this experience possible again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 02:40 PM
22

Once I’m divorced, I’m never looking at them again. Who cares how they appear or how they changed after the divorce? Comparing the past to the present as a trap. Comparison is the killer of joy. The new you, the future, should be about your happiness. What do you have to do to achieve your goals? How do you have to grow to thrive in relationships?
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 11:28 PM
1

You’ve received good advice. If you plan on going down the divorce route, make sure the kiddo is in individual therapy for a few months before you break the news to the spouse. Shit can go south real quick
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 12:12 AM
11

You’re asking all the right questions of yourself. I can confirm that your feelings are valid in the context of your own wounds (childhood and adult) It would take some more effort to dig further in and work through it to get to a place of understanding and acceptance. Maybe journal about it. Maybe document what triggers you and start creating a map of these triggers to better understand. Your ex has healthy boundaries. Yet you want to justify to yourself that crossing them is valid because it w…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 07:44 PM
1

Let the kids decide at that age. Would be toxic to try to control where they live.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 08:57 AM
1

Entirely depends on your wife. Mine dragged me through five years of litigation.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 01:39 AM
5

Congratulations If I had been able to talk to my ex-wife that way, I would have never filed for divorce. I strongly recommend that she does change her last name. It’s not tied to the family you built, it’s tied to you. Your kids and your wife by their name are tied to you. The kids when they turn 18 can decide on whatever name they want. But she will not want to be tied to you, if she meets someone else. It may sound noble to keep your name today, but it just doesn’t make sense looking forward.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/24 09:20 PM
5

Follow the judge’s guidelines. Let her withdraw with prejudice or face the investigation
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 11:58 PM
2

Settlement is still so much better than court, especially if you both agree. Imagine with a three day trial might cost you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 04:48 PM
7

Carefully consider which battles to fight. Attorneys are so expensive that even if you win, maybe don’t fight it if it’s contended. You truly want to just get out. Alimony is probably the only thing worth reducing. So offer other stuff that you can replace later to achieve that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 01:41 AM
3

Adult kid is not a kid. That’s an adult and will make their own decisions Given that the other kids may be teenagers, be sensitive to their needs. What do they want? What do you want? Assuming you’re in the US, she can just leave if that’s not what you want. Take a moment to gather yourself and then start focusing on the logistics.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 08:33 PM
2

Not sure I follow your logic. There already is no trust in the relationship and you’re spiraling around it. Just file. You can withdraw a divorce filing at any time, but it is there to give you legal protection
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 04:27 PM
2

Filing for divorce is step one. The court then automatically issues an order that would prevent waste of marital assets. Prior to filing anyone can do anything. Without filing there isn’t an intent to divorce
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 03:26 PM
5

Do not mention it. You’ll look like a moron
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 04:57 PM
2

Divorce and Work On Yourself It will help both of you
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 07:20 PM
8

You’re in a divorce sub (not a relationship one). So just finalize the divorce and move on with your life. That’s the only valid advice here. She will be responsible for her own actions.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 08:53 AM
20

Aged like milk? Check your coconut 🥥 It appears that you are projecting your own wounds to everything and everyone around you. The grass is green where you water it
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 08:24 PM
3

This level of conflict can be infuriating, and highly stressful. Most important thing is to take care of yourself while you’re going through it. You cannot really control the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 10:34 PM
4

You would be surprised how much you can get away with not releasing. You have to have a little bit of courage. And ability to speak up against the judge. Letting him know that the discovery requests are so extensive they are disrupting and interfering with your life. And that the judge should be very specific about what she can and cannot ask for so that request can be completed with minimal time.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 09:21 PM
2

No problems getting remarried. But take it slow. It was four years of dating the same person before I got remarried.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 11:58 PM
4

I shave my balls…and then pray they’ll grow bigger Seriously, at some point you’ll weigh your own self respect and decide enough is enough
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 01:35 AM
4

Yes. Wonders. But both partners have to be willing to self critique and the effort to change
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 12:09 AM
10

You are implying that marriage is a religious, or some other cult dish, institution. And most Western countries it’s nothing but a legal contract. To be specific, it’s the easiest contract to enter and one of the hardest contracts to exit. If you want to give up sex, that’s up to you. I believe in intimacy with another person. It’s an incredible thing. It’s not something we should be restricting rather we should be doing more of it. Marriage has absolutely nothing to do with it
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 09:13 PM
2

Nice lady?!?!? Not based on what you’re writing here. If you never marry, she can’t make these demands. DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 02:23 PM
4

Very common. Cialis helps to resolve the mental blocks
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 04:42 PM
1

I took Wellbutrin for six months. Did not negatively impact my sex drive
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 07:41 AM
10

You can get 100% of your own benefits of 50% of what her amount is. You pick which one is higher. Your choice will not affect how much she receives for herself
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 03:43 PM
3

Read (or listen to, audio book) Esther Perel She also has online courses. And she can enlighten you on what you’re missing - eroticism (not sex)
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 08:46 PM
1

Legally separated means there is a legal financial separation but the couple have chosen to remain married. This can be for many reasons, healthcare, taxes, religion etc
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 05:44 PM
13

She can’t prohibit you from visiting or helping. If you’re not involved, the courts will see that as a choice you made (not her) Alimony won’t change. CS can change with court reviews, usually not more frequently than every two years (depending on jurisdiction)
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 02:43 AM
0

If there are no kids, pay it off as soon as you can to cut all ties.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 03:28 PM
35

You were on a dating app. She was on a dating app. Sounds like you’re both moving in the same direction, away from each other. That’s the reality. The faster one accepts that the easier it is to start anew.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 11:08 PM
1

How long do you go for after the spark is gone and there isn’t a sight of change?
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 02:10 PM
2

You come for advice but you can’t absorb it?
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 10:00 PM
8

The easiest divorce is the one you can agree upon. Your one, out of two, goal is to encourage (manipulate) her to get a job. The second is 50/50 custody. This is the hill to die on. It will even everything out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 04:59 AM
8

Yes. Court right away. Get a temporary parenting plan.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 08:48 PM
5

She left. That means, it is highly likely that she’s been contemplating the leave for a long time. While this is brand new, it may feel realistic for you that there is hope. But given that she’s likely processed this for quite some time, you chances are almost nil. Take the ring off.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/24 02:53 PM
2

Did you not click the link I sent you? It’s legal in Oregon, and the center is recommended is the most affordable one
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 06:04 PM
2

Book a trip to Oregon. Do a couple of days of psilocybin with a therapist to get a reset.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 05:54 PM
2

Therapy is a slow process and requires self awareness (you have this) wanting to change (do you?) the willingness and perseverance to put in the work to affect change (hmmmm…) Unless you have all three…this can be an uphill (demotivating and depressing) AND frankly, you can’t even start therapy while you are in the mess…so you’d have to detach first which you don’t seem to be able to do. I’d recommend psilocybin therapy: take a look at satyatherapeutics.com to get an idea of what I’m talking abo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 05:21 PM
10

I did 48 payments of $4k…..fuck that shit Congratulations on freedom
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 02:36 PM
5

Make it quick. Don’t fight it. The sooner that it is done, the sooner you can move on
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 03:45 AM
10

I am a father. I have had sole custody of my two daughters for four years. Since they were 10 and 13 That saved their lives. Not without battle scars, but now they have a chance. I have defied court orders…and would do it again.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/24 03:15 AM
8

Reading your post, my hypothesis is that a divorce won’t solve anything for you. It may allow your wife to move on and get a fresh start in her life. So there is that to consider. You can make many turns in life and get reinvigorated for short times, but your issues will always catch up with you You’ll need to address your own issues at some point. Divorce if you want to set her free. Go to individual AND couples counseling if you want to work on yourself and your relationship Do NOT use sex as …
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 04:01 PM
7

You have a chance for a fresh start. All your sins forgotten. So get the divorce done, leave her out of your mind and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 03:18 AM
1

Avoid it. Focus on you
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 05:40 AM
3

Watch YouTube videos on how to handle the custody evaluation interview. Do NOT shit talk your ex. Just do not.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 05:10 PM
4

Some tough love here The more you lay blame on another person the more difficult it is to introspect, reflect and, grow yourself. and it will make future relationships more difficult to work. Sex isn’t a male entitlement. If the two of you have disconnected, and that’s what it sounds like, sex is the least concern. You’re not a romantic couple anymore on more than one level. The path to separation was charted a long time ago. You sound unhappy in your relationship, so rather than turning to ange…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 02:49 PM
11

Nothing wrong with Disney dad. As long as the kids are doing well that’s all that matters. We keep treating kids like they are our property…they’re not
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 12:04 AM
10

Quickest and most painless way is that you and your wife agree on everything. There is no other shortcut. The minute you disagree it turns into a shitshow. Pick your battles carefully to avoid a long drawn out war
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 05:13 PM
1

Damn…you got some serious mind fuck going on in your head. You need your move on
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 09:49 AM
4

The less you say, the more intelligent you appear….but maybe that’s not the impression you want to make?
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 09:47 AM
4

Have a friend be there. That’s easy. Do not talk to her at all. That way you never said anything
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 01:34 PM
3

The older I get the less I want to lift. Injuries take so much longer to heal. I want to feel strong, have a good endurance and generally feel agile. I started switching over to long walks and body weight workouts mostly.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 01:58 PM
0

You’re both doing it. That’s the problem. If you just step away, disengage completely she’ll want that divorce sooner than later. It’s the engagement that kills the deal.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 01:39 PM
-1

This is a terrible idea. Two wrongs do not make a right. With a mindset like you have you have to be able to see that you may also be part of the problem here. A drawn out conflict will hurt you as well. It can be extremely damaging and have a profound impact on your quality of life. As the commenter suggested, the best part of being cheated on is that the other party is looking to finalize the divorce and may be willing to make concessions in exchange of closure. So, that’s your only focus. To …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:44 AM
3

RSU are uncertain future income. Should not even be considered in a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 04:42 PM
5

It sucks when no one explains the contract you’re entering into…just celebrations and congratulations
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 05:31 PM
2

Police or Child Protective Services to get it all documented while the mark is still there.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 03:42 AM
1

A judge wouldn’t mess with a short marriage like this. The courts are overloaded with families that don’t agree.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 04:40 PM
2

It sounds like you’re not giving yourself the space you need to heal. And you’re using the dogs and excuse against taking that space and time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/24 08:05 PM
4

Pickup lines are part of the past. Now it’s about being authentic and true to yourself. That means letting go of gender and patriarchal beliefs and tune into emotional availability, decency and respect This can be extremely difficult for older men(and women), to even grasp. And some never will. Many write it off as bullshit. Be willing to adapt is key. Be willing to listen is important. And be willing to be kind is crucial for a lasting relationship
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 05:46 PM
13

So… This will pass. Take assurance in that. If you are falling into depression, seek help. If you need meds, a lot of them can kill your sex drive. I was on Wellbutrin for six months and it helped. Your kids are your North Star. That’s what you focus on. Be the best dad you can.No parent has ever said I wish I loved on them less So shower your kids in love. They are the true victims here and they had no say in the matter. Coparent with respect and empathy. Allow yourself to feel and experience g…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/24 03:05 PM
5

The best thing you can do is agree on it together. That is the path of least resistance. You take it to court, and it’s a complete coin toss. Not only depends on what arguments you each make, but what mood the judge is in that day.they’re simply too many factors to ensure success in this venture
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 07:51 PM
5

I think it can help to put things in perspective. You’re jealous that your ex has wealthy parents… From this perspective life has never been fair. You can go and marry someone wealthy or you can work your ass off and make your own wealth….neither is appealing. You can’t control your ex’s parents or what they do with their money. Your emotions will kill you if you don’t find an outlet for it. You’re feeling a righteous injustice, and that’s what you need to process. Group therapy can be absolutel…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 04:49 PM
-7

This is disturbing. Must be American 😜
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 10:43 PM
1

You should immediately file for divorce in court. This protects you from her moves and she will not be allowed to not work by the judge. Waiting to file can be disastrous
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/24 10:16 AM
1

Here’s the deal, the attorney can help you in court, but they won’t help you with logistics. If you work out of state, when can you take care of the kids? And then you’d start figuring out if you can settle around that
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 09:27 PM
1

My partners net worth is $400k. She’s 49. And I think that’s low cause her family lives into their late 90’s. So, no, never want to date anyone who hasn’t figured out that they need to take care of their future and expect it to just work out. The US isn’t that society
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/24 12:18 AM
5

I’m sorry 😢 for what you’re going through!! We all came out alive, so hang in there. It does get better
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/24 02:18 AM
1

Take the loss and move on
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/24 11:25 PM
4

r/BPDLovedOnes
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 05:06 AM
5

Negotiations using a lawyer as a middle man already is conflict. Meaning your lawyer is saying if you’re using me it’s already nasty If you don’t want conflict and nasty, you’d agree with your wife outside of the courtroom
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 12:37 PM
11

Nah…we just got to let go and allow everyone to move on
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 02:54 PM
2

You’re not ready to date. As simple as that. There may be a million reasons as to why that is, but bottom line is you should just work on yourself and let time heal. Limit contact with the ex is a must
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/24 04:09 PM
8

You could have misread the entire situation. Created a fantasy scenario in your head. Have fun with that…inside your head only. No action items from this encounter
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 03:46 PM
5

Viagra or Cialis
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/24 06:20 PM
1

Awesome. It may not be over until the fat lady sings. I said the exact same words in March 2020. I didn’t get divorced until August 2021 and the custody litigation is still ongoing.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/24 04:50 PM
1

That varies by state.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 07:02 PM
1

Not by court mandate unless the court deems her an unfit parent and grants the sole custody to you. That’s incredibly difficult
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/24 06:17 PM
9

She didn’t take anything from you. Your life, your happiness and your purpose is not dependent on any other person. It will be tremendously helpful if you took ownership of what you’re feeling and examine that instead of blaming it on someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 12:13 AM
2

That’s so good!! Kids suffer the most. It is not your job to keep her alive. That is her own responsibility. You push the divorce through and never look back.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 11:50 PM
2

If you have kids and want them with you, this is enough for you to motion the court for custody until she has had a psych evaluation. Suicidal parents are not fit parents.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 08:50 PM
1

Dude, there is no cheating the system…if you spend money in a way that reflects poorly on you (regardless of what fucking logic you try to employ like in your post) it can majorly back fire. The judge will generally be harsh on you to prevent you from pulling stunts in the future. Lesson: don’t be a dick. Be transparent. Or don’t listen to this advice and have fun
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 03:35 AM
1

A contempt is meant to be a temporary. I’m assuming it you paying what you owe will automatically purge the order. You pay a lawyer hundreds, maybe thousands and you can’t pay $20 on time….dude, if I was the judge I wouldn’t want to hear from your side either. Thats just unwise…. Definitely get your ducks in a row so that this can end.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 09:21 PM
1

You’ve not given us anything to work with. Is there is a final parenting plan? What are you in contempt for? Did the contempt order specify how to purge it? Did you appeal the contempt order? Where are you in the legal process. Like, what the hell are you doing, so we can at least give you one breadcrumb to start with. As it is now, you’ll probably get bulldozed in court for not knowing the procedure and process.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 07:16 PM
1

Bring a friend. I’m taking my kids, 15 and 18, this summer and each of them brings a friend. Destination is bike and walk friendly, so they can entertain themselves
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 02:50 AM
2

ok, this gave me a giggle. you're a genius, any smarter and you'd be the god damn president I doesn't matter if you deed over the house. that could be considered waste and you'd still be liable to pay for it. What you need to is a fair calculation of what portion of the house she is entitled to, and then buy her out.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 08:32 PM
3

She’ll misbehave the same way, but 8 months is a short marriage. There aren’t any real shared assets… Your challenge may simply lay in getting her to sign the papers. If she doesn’t, you need to follow the correct court procedure for the judge to approve it without her. File as soon as possible. That date counts
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 09:26 PM
1

Yes, arguing dogs and dog stuff via lawyers is petty. Freedom has its price. The sooner you walk away, the sooner you heal. Fighting over leashes is petty
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 06:52 PM
3

No.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/24 08:50 PM
1

Because I was married to a psycho and I had built up a nest egg that she is using up to litigate. Custody case is still ongoing after 5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 01:47 AM
1

I met my partner the day I moved out of my marital home. My divorce lasted over two years. I’ve been with my partner for 5 years.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 01:09 AM
1

Right…he clearly needs some serious, heavy duty, intervention. And until that happens you’re just rolling along in the misery and you can’t enjoy your life n
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 08:54 PM
14

You can’t be his caretaker, that’s why you divorced him.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/24 07:59 PM
2

I am assuming that you’ve already filed for divorce. Without a lawsuit, you have less protection. I would file separately, the reason for that is that you don’t know anything about her finances. Cost you more What? That’s terrible justification to yourself for getting your already messy divorce even Messier. You’re trying to separate yourself from her, not create more mess.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 11:08 PM
5

☝️
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 09:44 PM
9

Answer to question: because society, especially the religious portion, has created such shame around it. And shame is a powerful emotion. Cheating is one of two things The cheating partner has unresolved issues and is trying to fill a hole The relationship is so lacking in connection that the cheating person is trying to fill that hole Filling a hole is figuratively, and literally
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 12:27 AM
2

☝️
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 09:22 PM
6

Focus on you…creating a life you love. We’ve been taught to build a life around another person, that’s wrong that person has to be You Create the life you love, and then invite a future partner into that. When a relationship ends, you still have a life you love.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/24 08:31 PM
2

Filed first. Offered her everything. Shit ton of money, 50/50 custody 5 years later, kids have been with me 100% for four years As you may imagine, it was a shit show and I have to drag her back to court for simple shit like vaccines
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 03:15 AM
4

Quarter. Not half unless she tries to claim OP’s share too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 08:23 PM
4

Your wife can take a quarter of the capital gains (assuming you share the home 50/50 with your folks) You bought the house at 50/50 with your parents and it is worth $100,000 (at the time right before marriage) It is now worth $200,000 Your parents are entitled to $50,000 of the gain You and your wife are entitled to $50,000 You can split your gain with your wife. Neither of you can touch the parents gain
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 08:22 PM
8

Mine has been going on for five years and litigation is just slowing down. Usually litigation ends when money ends up
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 01:02 AM
2

She got arrested and spent a night in jail She then tried to accuse me of being an abused and sent law enforcement to pick up the kids…it all back fired
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 01:08 PM
2

And yes, this has been me. I now have full custody because she shit the bed
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:22 AM
1

Oooh I got a sub for you r/bpdlovedones
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:21 AM
1

Chill the fuck out and move on with your life
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 05:05 AM
11

I beg to disagree. This is the time to create space from everyone. Heal and find yourself. It’s a total waste of time trying to convince others to “like me” The world has so much to offer…let go of the past and find a new future The longer OP Holds on to his chief complaint the longer he stays miserable
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/24 01:02 AM
10

Mediation means NOTHING It isn’t binding unless you sign away your rights. (and if you did, God help you) Do your research and prepare yourself for trial instead.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 02:43 AM
5

I had mediation four years ago, the battle still rages on
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:27 AM
2

Stay in the military. It’s stable and it pays well. You got in the civilian world you will be lost and flailing around.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 03:20 AM
1

hmmm…I’m out of ideas. I’m sure something can be created. Like a trust that is revoked after an official dissolution has taken place. Anything. You’ll need a create attorney. But it shouldn’t be impossible
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 11:15 PM
1

hmmm…then create a Post Nuptial that releases you from future liability. Use that to get an equitable parenting plan
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 08:32 PM
8

Yes, it’s selfish. From your description you have a wonderful family, and you’d be tearing that apart. You have to decide if the loneliness you are having today is bigger than the rift you create by separating your family Since you’re already in therapy, show your wife this post. (Or a similar letter) and discuss it in therapy. Maybe she feels the same way or maybe she’s willing to accommodate and make changes?
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 08:13 PM
7

Our mental state is so fragile. All of our childhood wounds do not show up until it’s too late. That goes for you too. We’re part of the problem too. You just have to move on, prioritize the kids and hope for the best
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 05:41 AM
28

Dude…she’s a psycho…and the mother of your kids. Have fun with that. It’s not pretty…been there doing that
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 04:59 AM
-1

read the post maybe …or not…it’s the internet. You get what you pay for. My suggestion remains the same. Legal separation gives OP negotiating leverage while keeping the peace.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 04:57 AM
1

You can suggest a “legal separation” Your finances and custody will be split. You will remain married and she can complete her term for a green card. This alone should be enough incentive to skip the alimony discussion all together Create an agreement outside of court. This is your best route. Eventually you can dissolve the marriage, but everything already agreed upon (finances/custody) will still stand.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:55 AM
-4

You will NOT get alimony. You make more than her. Child support depends on the custody decisions. Best thing you can do is make a deal with your wife. Leave the courts out of it for the sake of the welfare of your child. Divorcing someone in an attempt to force them to leave the country will not be viewed lightly…and frankly, don’t be that fucking asshole. Your child needs both parents.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/24 02:34 AM
10

Lose weight…dick looks bigger than
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/24 07:15 AM
3

Sex is more than a mechanical motion. Bring in arousal, desire and intimacy and orgasms come easy even on medication
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 04:08 AM
3

Share away, but also introspect. Why is your ex still occupying headspace?
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 12:56 AM
7

That’s a lot of oxygen wasted on your ex. Carry on soldier
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 12:20 AM
23

$3,700,000 out of that was $500k in legal fees, the rest have take home gravy for my ex who didn’t work and still doesn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 12:11 AM
1

Do you have a lot of assets and high income? If so, strike a deal with a lump sum up front and be free.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 01:14 AM
9

Her body her choice. Why on earth do you care???? Stop judging and start living.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 01:02 AM
14

Omfg….the worst thing you can do is move out. You’re leaving a 1yo with an alcoholic…what does that say about your judgement?
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 05:21 AM
1

You only mention adult kids. Are there non adult kids you’re faking it for too?
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 05:06 AM
-1

Your post itself is telling. You mention your ex “destroying” your marriage and therefore creating a loss that you can’t recover from. Since she did it, you have no recourse. Divorce and relationships ending is a natural walk of life. Would you really want to be with a person that doesn’t want to be with you? How does that translate to happiness. “Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past” I think you need to forgive your wife. And once you can do, you can move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 11:43 PM
15

Learn to dance…problem solved
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 11:15 PM
3

I would schedule my weekly therapy on Friday afternoon. Then I would seek out nature on Saturday and Sunday to reintegrate. You have awareness of some of your issues but you haven’t learnt how to not act out your issues. Now is the time to do that. You clearly attract good people, So pause that and place yourself in a great spot. (The gym helps but it doesn’t fix anything. The gym is an outlet not a source of growth)
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 06:03 PM
9

Gambling can be an addiction. In that case it has nothing to do with finances. Instead it takes you away from a healthy life and connections with family, friends and society. Gambling can be an escape, just like alcohol When we turn to those addictions we become emotional ghosts to our loved ones. Sure, you can be high functioning and what our society deems as successful. But if you can’t maintain intimate connections (not sex, emotional intimacy) then you have less to offer a partner and yourse…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 05:58 PM
1

Nature. Can you be out in nature more? Without any devices with you. That’s liberating. Wellbutrin(medication) worked well for me. It gave me the energy I needed. Get your testosterone checked and consider upping that. Makes you feel a bit more alive.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 09:58 PM
2

What is happening here???? Focus on the kids
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 06:48 AM
12

Not at all If there is something you can change it is to not squarely blame it all on her. You were a part of this too. If you can own your portion, you can succeed in the future. Make the move sooner rather than later. You’ve never heard a person saying I should have waited to get divorced
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 02:26 AM
1

50-50 of post nuptial gains/losses. a pre nup is just that, covers what was before.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 03:43 PM
2

It will impact the kids because it means you’re holding on to the anger. They’ll sense it. And rather than prolonging it, you should focus on moving on. For your own sake. You won’t be a good role model behaving like a temper tantrum toddler
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 10:55 PM
2

Good point
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 06:36 PM
-9

Lawyers are a great way to fuck up a divorce. Think long and hard of what you want for you and the kids, before you turn to lawyers to make this a contested battle
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 05:03 AM
24

I do believe asking for legal fees is the way to go. A friend of mine was awarded $39,000 in fees that his ex now pays on a three year payment plan. We haven’t seen any filings since then.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 03:33 AM
0

So when you filed, you didn’t receive an automatic order? That’s new to me
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 12:04 AM
4

Once you’ve filed for divorce, her spending can become her debt. There is no such thing as marital property after the actually filing.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 11:36 PM
2

Ok, then you take that decree and call IRS and ask for their input. Or write a letter. Why are you trying to chase down your ex. If he owes the money, IRS will track him down. It sounds like you’re doing things in the reverse order
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 12:50 AM
1

What does your divorce decree say about debt?
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 12:47 AM
3

What? Complete your sentences, give us enough context to understand what you’re saying.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 03:51 AM
2

$600 a month for four years is a very inexpensive divorce. Debt should be split
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 04:47 PM
4

Not mentioning is state makes this question impossible to answer. 37 years is a very long marriage, definitely check with your state laws. After such a long marriage/time, it may no longer be an option for the less earning spouse to make more.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 10:17 PM
0

You have serious issues, including pretty obvious anger issues (as witnessed by your comments). And at some point you need to face them and own them, rather than blaming it on whomever crosses your path. The advice here is solid, end it for the sake of both of you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 06:56 PM
1

Unpopular opinion here, but I would celebrate if my kids said they had two mothers or two fathers..:that’s success I have sole custody. Mother is a litigating nutcase. How I wish that she lived in harmony with another dude that the kids loved.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 01:39 AM
5

If you’re in a no fault state, then just let it go. You’re getting divorced regardless, fanning the flames does nothing for either of you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 10:57 PM
2

That’s pretty neat, what color eyes does Stacy have now? 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 08:37 PM
1

Let us know what you find out, we’re not too old to learn.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:43 PM
-1

That would have still been I asked them if they are married Neither here nor there. I would just edit the post.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:36 PM
1

Then they are married, not were married.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:03 PM
2

Very very many of us in the 40+ were married at some point. Why would I wear a wedding band if I’m divorced?
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:00 PM
1

Texas is good, your soon to be X will be required to get a job. Here is what I learned…if I want my kids to have something, I buy it and pay for it. In the end that’s the path of least resistance. You can certainly come up with a number, and it will follow the child support calculation. There is only one thing that matters…custody. You want a minimum of 50% overnights. Focusing on costs when you have ample income is wrong (imho) Focus on a workable parenting plan and ensure your kid has a comfor…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 08:07 PM
2

Once a divorce has been filed there are automatic protection orders. She can’t leave. If no one has filed everyone is free to do whatever they want. Filing for divorce is key
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 02:11 AM
6

Yup…the judge will laugh at you or feel sorry for you. But he won’t side with you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 05:01 PM
11

The judge will ask you to”how did she force you” And you will look incredibly silly trying to explain that. Bar any police or court action, that is your home
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 04:57 PM
11

Make all the reasoning you want. But if you’re out of the house, not performing parenting duties, you really aren’t a parent. The court will look at that, and award custody to the wife. Furthermore, the wife is more likely to retain the house because you decided not to live there.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 04:46 PM
23

Leaving the home will look bad in court. Move back home
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 04:17 PM
2

This ☝️ no other replies needed
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 06:30 PM
2

Look up “Gavron Warning” and Family Code 4330
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 04:59 PM
4

Not working full time is called under employed
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 01:50 AM
29

I read about this…the judge Took away his kids Took away his house Took away his car No visits The dude HAD NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE how is the court helping here?????
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 12:04 AM
3

I’d get an attorney, a good one. There are three things There are no such thing as “I don’t want to work” Family code requires a non working spouse to under go a vocational examination that will tell the judge their earnings capacity There is case law in CA that sets a precedence…if search this forum cause I can’t remember the law name
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 12:00 AM
10

This is a wonderful response. You have found new freedom…this part of life is about you
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 03:17 AM
1

Keep track of it all. In my county, if she spent after we filed each person was responsible for their own spending. Meaning, the debt became theirs simply because they spent it knowing the filing had taken place
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 12:55 AM
3

At least…you’ll easily bury $60k on a simple appeal
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 05:10 PM
18

I’m way over $300,000 There is an entire economy built around the court system that benefits from keeping conflict alive. And it targets people with savings.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 12:54 PM
1

I agree with this comment. You can’t parent the parent via a parenting plan. It won’t set you up for success
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 06:40 PM
11

Community property is at worst split between the parties. But a super short marriage there isn’t anything to split. Everything is a premarital asset. If you both put money into the house, you can sell it and take your assets back, or one person can buy the other person out.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 08:43 PM
6

Sell it (at a loss) and give the money to your kids. (Or place in their account) That way there is a return on investment
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 08:10 PM
1

As long as both parties are in agreement you can do whatever you want. The court will only entertain disagreements
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 12:59 PM
3

Are there public cases we can look at (you can list) where this strategy has prevailed?
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 06:22 PM
1

She’s been arrested, she’s got mental issues, she’s got money …but she’s got no custody… That’s a gnarly combo. It means non stop attempts to use law enforcement and courts to do her bidding.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 12:54 AM
2

so you’re dragging. There isn’t much to guess. Respond, do the conference and trial. The only faster way is to agree without the courts involvement. So talk you your wife
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 03:55 AM
3

I’m 4.5 years into a custody battle. Probably $350,000 in legal fees in WA So yeah, I’ve got some experience. Here are the steps File for divorce- starts the case, this is your separation date on file for sake of financial stuff Do your discovery Request mandatory settlement conference with the court Declare trial readiness Schedule trial trial - you’re divorced
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 03:15 AM
3

No kids means easy divorce. 5.5 year marriage, max 1 year alimony but most likely zero since she can take care of herself
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 02:14 AM
1

You asked Do I have to give her half? I say, No, you don’t. Don’t let them bully you into it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 02:28 PM
4

No.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 04:15 AM
10

Vulnerability is the hardest we face. It exposes us…to the world Speaking from experience, stay in touch with kids only, it will pay off.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 04:07 AM
3

Timing doesn’t matter. But tell him together as a team. You’re stuck with each other until the child is 18
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 03:22 AM
3

If you have no kids, this is a no brainer. End it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 03:17 AM
4

Focus on the dad responsibility. No one cares who you sleep with in the long run. It was unfair to your spouse that she found out last. That doesn’t change your father qualities. Embrace those. Aim for a amicable separation with 50/50 custody. You tell your kid when the details are sorted out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 02:50 AM
66

You stayed in the fight too long…and you ran out of fucks First of all, I admire you for fighting as long as you did. Most people wouldn’t. Second, I believe stepping back is the right choice…for your own sake. You can’t be any father without sanity. Third, recognize that these children will grow up one day and make their own decisions. One of those decisions will be to seek you out and get your perspective. There is a good chance when they do this, they’ll disown the alienating parent. Here is …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 02:39 AM
2

Depends on length of marriage, Income of each party, number of children and number of overnights each party has the children. You two can agree to your own terms. That’s the cheapest. Once you involve lawyers cost run away from you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 01:49 AM
16

You split the assets you have today. That’s it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 05:29 PM
6

A person that initiates a divorce usually has had time to process the end of the relationship for a long time, sometimes years. Others have the urge to fight the feeling of abandonment with new people in their lives Everyone is different
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 05:41 PM
3

IANAL Spousal Support / Alimony Many jurisdictions classify marriages as short, medium and long term. 4 years is a short marriage and should not warrant any alimony. Your wife will have to go back to work. Child support Child support is calculated based on both parents income and the number of overnights each parent has. For your wife, that income calculation can be her last job or her earnings potential in the future based on her education and experience. Of course, if you two agree to somethin…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 07:14 PM
1

She’s 16. I assume a he can handle that conversation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 07:07 AM
9

Your kid is 16? She’s old enough to where you don’t need to nest anymore. Sounds like that agreement has run its course
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 07:28 PM
4

Nah…the value of not worrying about her and her bullshit far outweighs engaging with her again (via the judicial system)
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 11:43 PM
3

Why would you waste your time on your ex? That’s time you should be living your life…move on
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 11:39 PM
2

She can’t throw you out of your own home without a court order. And she’d need a pretty serious justification to do so, like an accusation of domestic violence The kids can decide where they wish to live. They’re old enough. Child support and alimony depends on your financials
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 02:42 AM
4

You should at a minimum get a legal separation to separate finances and avoid any future alimony and asset divisions. Then you can stay married and be a happy family…without that looming over your head. Then you have to be strict about having separate finances
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/23 01:42 AM
6

Actually, I should have divorced my wife the first year she refused to work not the 16th. I’m the idiot
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 03:30 AM
1

Get a QDRO to split the gains for the six years. Your gains and your principal from before then stays the same
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 09:50 PM
2

Are they options or shares? If they are shares, yes she can own them. Anyone can own shares in a company. There are services that allow you to liquidate preipo shares. Options may be vested, but they are just that, options to buy shares. So until you’ve exercised your options, you haven’t actually bought shares. If this is the case, you could offer her to pay for the exercise price of half of them if she wants shares. It’s an investment that carries risk.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 06:19 PM
3

Depends on your state https://www.assetprotectionplanners.com/planning/community-property-states/
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 12:16 PM
3

Very awkward conversation with future dates lie ahead
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 03:55 PM
1

I hear you. And ageism is a real problem. But it’s important to know that the court may not share those concerns
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 04:05 PM
1

Your only focus should be pushing her to get a job
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 12:15 AM
3

Job market is excellent in the US. If you’re about to lose your job, the court will not care. This isn’t about your emotions. It’s a strategic decision.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 12:14 AM
9

Filing right before you lose your job…the court will expect you to find a new job for the same pay in no time… I would stay until she got a job. Then file.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 10:46 PM
9

Best decision ever
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 02:56 AM
2

I’m 4.5 years into it. Divorce got bifurcated. My ex is still fighting for custody. The sooner one can cut ties completely, the better. The cost of not cutting ties is too high
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 07:44 PM
5

Take the loss and move on
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/23 04:53 PM
3

Sounds like you have a clear picture of your preferences. The only thing to do is to end it respectfully. Healing from a shitty marriage takes time..:sometimes more than we wish
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 08:44 PM
4

You two have different value systems. You can try to bridge them. Just don’t assume your value system is more correct than hers, or vice versa
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 07:06 PM
5

she said she’ll have sex with me if I agree to divorce wtf? I said ok What.The.F#!*???? If your love life was this transactional, your marriage was dead for years…to her My guess is that She’s out there seeking a human connection. The transaction above is anything but an emotional connection. I think you’ll be better off, both of you, if you can move on sooner rather than later.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 07:40 PM
5

What is best for your child? I understand you’re hurting, and the saying is “hurt people want to hurt people” But how does that benefit your kid? Your desire for revenge will turn into parental alienation where you will use your child to hurt your (ex)spouse. Once the court figures this out, you could lose all custody.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 03:44 PM
1

Max one year..if any…if you can work, that’s what they may ask you to do
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 09:44 PM
8

I haven’t heard a place where debt isn’t marital property. However, if the divorce has been filed and you run up a credit card, that’s on you, because you did it knowingly and after the filing date.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 08:16 PM
5

As you yourself mentioned, there is a silver lining. she’s amicable, you should be too the marriage is dead and has been for years to her many of us often have self realizations when it is too late life doesn’t end here. There is much joy to be had The key is to make the divorce as fast, simple and amicable as you can Fighting will lead to resentment which leads to bitterness If you die with bitterness you’ve lost in life. So go through the grief with kindness to yourself and her and allow yours…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 08:13 PM
3

A person with BPD will continue the fighting. I filed 4 years ago, she was arrested and she still takes me back to court all the time. Evaluate your situation
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 11:31 PM
4

Good luck being a 9/10. Your kids will appreciate that number…dude the kids don’t give a fuck. They want two parents who love them, respect them and are kind to them. That’s all they want.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 11:16 PM
3

Tossed it in the trash
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 09:44 PM
2

She is still a human. She will appreciate it. However, she may also see it as an opening to engage, and if she does you’ll have to be kind but firm to hold boundaries
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 11:35 PM
2

You sound like a wonderful dad! Best of luck to you
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 05:42 PM
2

Good for you. That would not have been a productive conversation. Who she sleeps now doesn’t matter anymore. Work on yourself and it will come back to you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 04:19 PM
3

Keep your head in the sand. Focus on the kids. Don’t start digging and making wounds deeper
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 04:10 PM
18

2.5 year marriage. Why is alimony or anything on the table right now? Split the gains from the last 2.5 years
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/23 12:35 AM
1

If you can get 50/50, Yes But 50/50 may become tough if she starts arguing for more in court.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 04:03 AM
1

Understand the process on how to reach trial. If the other person doesn’t cooperate that’s the only way to get it finalized
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 01:11 AM
4

You get an appraisal on it first. That will tell you if there is equity or not.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 08:24 PM
8

Simply follow the state’s guidelines on how to split assets. She’ll have to refinance to buy you out. You should probably be seeking employment too.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 08:15 PM
8

You stay with your child. You show up as a father. You are the role model for them for their life. There is no opting out of this. Your failed marriage has zero reflection on you as a father. So be the best father you can be.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 02:19 AM
18

Kids are all that matters. Focus on the kids
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/23 02:55 AM
13

Poor choices and great sex…the story of life
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 04:09 AM
15

There are two sides of the coin. There are many proponents of co sleeping and it is widely exercised. If your daughter is having night terrors due to the changes the divorce brought on, then having her feel safe and secure trumps you being right.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:22 AM
1

Your CA residents. That’s the jurisdiction you’re in. You won’t have a choice
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 05:03 AM
1

Child custody. I have full custody based on her behaviors. And she just won’t stop litigate.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 05:03 AM
4

He will kidnap my kids and take them out of the country
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 09:27 PM
1

It’s a gray area and it depends on the judge. Your steps are File and state you are in agreement. She can disagree in her response. If she disagrees then you let the judge know about a previous agreement and that your spouse wishes to backtrack. Then it is up to the judge. No lawyer can give you an answer because family law is a giant gray area that we call “judge’s discretion” So don’t spend days, weeks or months trying to figure this out. File now and let it play out.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 09:25 PM
2

If both of you still agree to the separate property there is no issue. If your spouse objects to the separate property the judge may lend weight to the previous agreement, even from Mexico, if it is translated by a court approved entity. So that can work in your favor as judges have a wide berth of discretion.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 07:31 PM
9

She’s put me through 4 years of divorce hell. Over $300k in legal fees and landed the kids in the hospital for suicidal ideations and threats. Yes, I hate her. I don’t walk around feeling angry or bitter, as that would diminish my own quality of life. But I despise her and people like her who only value their worth by the amount of conflict they can inject.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 05:05 PM
1

I understand your frustration. I’ve been there. But racking up costs/debt will simply be pushed back on you. At this stage it’s impossible for you to hide such transactions. Best you can do is open new accounts for any money you make starting today, like your paycheck. Careful tho, If you merge in money from old accounts your new money becomes commingled and can be up for grabs.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 03:55 PM
1

I understand your frustration. I’ve been there. But racking up costs/debt will simply be pushed back on you. At this stage it’s impossible for you to hide such transactions. Best you can do is open new accounts for any money you make starting today, like your paycheck. Careful tho, If you merge in money from old accounts your new money becomes commingled and can be up for grabs.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 03:55 PM
2

Sounds petty. Focus on the big picture
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 04:56 AM
1

Basically, if you accuse her of domestic violence, then you left your child with a violent person to protect yourself. So yeah…the optics don’t look good for you…unless you filed police reports etc. Moving out is ok if you have a shared custody parenting plan. The best thing you can do now is File a motion for a Temporary Parenting Plan, 50/50 custody, in court. Include the property and plan you wish the court to adopt and sign Start following the plan This should be a 2 week process from the ti…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 07:24 PM
0

Volatile careers are often calculated based on a three year tax return average The judge can impute income to your spouse if they choose to not work.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 08:27 PM
3

Your income potential is still 180k and the judge can impute that amount to you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 08:08 PM
3

You’ve definitely got some issues if it takes 4 years from separation to filing. Your gf has every right to be concerned here…this filing…after FOUR YEARS of separation should have been a piece of cake, not an emotional roller coaster. Only you can work through them. I have found that therapy is working well for me, it may be worth trying…however NOTHING will help you until you acknowledge that you have an issue and you show a desire to change/grow/improve
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 11:59 AM
5

$300k plus 60% of everything I earned
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 08:42 PM
1

You are not wrong. I’m 4 years into a a custody battle. Hang in there. It’s awful but it will end
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 09:32 PM
2

Toss it
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 02:30 AM
1

That’s ambitious :) and it gets shorter, way shorter than that 😊
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 05:03 PM
1

Keep the FaceTime sessions short. They’re kids. You don’t build relationships over facetime, you just remind them that you love them
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/23 06:29 AM
2

It’s morally wrong to abandon your child. Cheating means nothing. It’s year 2023, no one gives a shit. It’s a relationship issue
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 03:53 AM
2

What’s a pansy?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 06:42 PM
-11

And it’s this lack of maturity that’s toxic to everyone. Men like this simply don’t know how to have good sex…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 03:10 AM
-21

No doubt in my mind, having lived here, and in Europe, that out of the western developed countries the US does have a very toxic male culture. Patriarchy is prevalent here, and it’s not all that different from narcissism Let the down votes begin
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 01:48 AM
21

Your lawyer will probably create conflict. So while you may get back premarital investments in full, the court will then have to compensate that with spousal support so that both parties can maintain a similar standard of living. If you start litigating, you both will spend all your money on that. There will be nothing left. You’re about to make choices where you’re only goal is to create conflict for short term gain…and a result you achieve is to fuck your own kids. The advice you’re getting is…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 04:34 PM
21

Doesn’t matter. Get your head out of your butt. What you want is to get the divorce done quickly and amicably so that you can move on to coparenting. Fight it, and everyone will lose. And you’ll be to blame 50/50 is an excellent deal. You’ll get a much worse deal in court because the court will give her more, not less. Why? Because you can make that money again
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 04:16 PM
1

You need to get an attorney that is responsive to your needs Each jurisdiction has a way to force orders through the court, including a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 07:33 PM
6

The answer is actually pretty simple. There was a day, when it wasn’t common for women to go into the workplace. It was the norm of society that they stayed home. So the father was the breadwinner. And very frequently, probably 99 times out of 100, When there was a divorce, the father would leave wife and kids and take his income with him. That was a very extreme world. The pendulum swung in the fathers favor. So the legislator changed it and made the pendulum swing the other way. this is a big …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 01:23 AM
28

Unless the restriction is explicitly listed in your parenting plan, then absolutely she can meet your kids. Step parents is not a new concept.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 03:01 PM
6

There is a book: Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 10:52 AM
3

They live with me, full time
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 11:59 PM
9

DO NOT HAVE KIDS That will end your dreams of experiencing life as you picture it. Yes, divorce. Plenty of partners that want the same as you. Enroll in therapy if your benefits pay for it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/23 09:48 PM
2

Right…that’s an issue. I am just saying…choose a path that preserves your relationship with your children.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 09:34 PM
2

You need to be a bit more realistic. A 15 year old is going to want A LOT of time with friends and events. It’s what a healthy teenager does. This does NOT take away from your parenting time, this is what being a parent is. They’re human beings…you need to look past the bitterness and look to what they want and what you want them to experience in their teens.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 09:09 PM
8

Oh boy…ultimate shit storm in the making
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/23 03:41 PM
4

you need to be over at r/codependency
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/23 12:28 AM
2

You’re wrong. Grow up. Let adults be adults. Having a romantic partner is pretty acceptable in todays society
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 04:38 PM
2

I think you’re not looking at it realistically. It’s still 50/50, you look at the value of the assets. You don’t look at it post tax and come up with creative deductions.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 12:50 AM
11

You can protect anything you can prove that you owned prior to date of your marriage, and you have never commingled with marital assets. Everything else is up for grabs, and trying to hide it can result in unfavorable outcomes
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 05:06 AM
2

Judge should take the report verbatim, but: Mother can hire an expert to contradict the report. Custody reports have been ignored when they have recommendations that contradict the law. Either party can appeal the judges decision to the Court of Appeals.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 01:34 AM
1

Fairly unique situation with a private arbitrator involved. He just lost jurisdiction
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/23 12:12 AM
3

Cause she can afford it. She’s been arrested for domestic violence, probably has borderline personality disorder. She lost custody and she’s continuing to try to claw it back.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 11:38 PM
9

I hope it works out for both you. You’ll be the exception on this sub…I’m in a custody battle that has been going on for four years
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 08:34 PM
1

Do NOT leave the home. Next time she threatens with that, call 911 and say your wife is threatening suicide. They will commit her to the hospital.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 05:30 PM
2

You’ll owe her half. Even half of the improvements you make
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 02:48 AM
1

No. That will make you look like a fucking monkey
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 10:53 PM
28

I’m glad your life is better. Social media isn’t a way to judge your own situation. At our age, we’re better off without it. That’s why I like Reddit. I can chose the content I consume.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 05:53 PM
2

You have to follow your own needs. That comes first. I’m simply saying that we all have needs that we want met, and it easily happens that when we interact with other people we feel some of those being met. Yes, this is a she problem that now becomes a you problem. But you yourself said it was platonic on her part. I understand how difficult her depression has been. And a divorce would free you from that. It will not free the kids from it and you two have to coparent for many years to come.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 04:06 PM
-2

Talking about feelings is exactly what you both need… I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you figure it out n
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 01:25 PM
0

Sounds fairly benign. In some medical schools they teach students how to talk to their spouses about the feelings they may develop at work. BECAUSE it happens, and we’re not immune to it. Couples therapy can be wonderful if both parties want to improve rather than cast blame. That’s where I would start
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 01:17 PM
1

So, be cognizant of what the order actually says (findings) and that’s what you have to work with, to change it back If there truly is a problem, minimizing won’t help you. However resolving the problem will get you far.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/23 12:38 AM
2

She may feel the exact same way. And all you’re doing is waiting for each other to make some change, any change. To divorce or not divorce is the question.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 10:24 PM
1

This isn’t standard practice. We’re not children. Adults will have adult relationships. That should be expected from both parties. The above language is an invitation to conflict and is a terrible idea
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 07:08 PM
1

I’m not in MD and I’m not a lawyer. If you have kids: if a divorce requires the parties to live separately I would imagine you can file for a temporary parenting plan that does 50/50 custody while the parties live apart.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 03:47 PM
1

Exactly. Everyone has a different value system. Yours doesn’t align with theirs. And you brooding over it, only affects you, not them.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 04:36 PM
2

Yeah…you’re overreacting. Start living your own life and stop giving a shit about theirs
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 07:17 AM
1

In most states, alimony is calculated first. Then that counts against her as income when you do the child support calculation.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 02:09 AM
3

Why are you posting this? As far as I know, the largest customer base for prostitution is still men.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/23 07:14 PM
2

You will ask the court to impute her income at her earnings level. Then your calculations are done as if she was working.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 06:41 PM
13

We “just do”….sometimes the bare minimum. I’ve been in litigation for four years and it’s exhausting. There are two things that helps me Let myself fall apart. Sometimes shit doesn’t get done and that’s ok I detach. This shit is out of my control. Fuck it, I’m not going to care today and I’m going to do something fun
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/23 07:13 PM
1

I have not. I lived south of Menver for 10 years and I have always wanted to go back for the outdoors I’m in Vancouver, WA. I don’t recommend it…but I have had good experiences in Seattle. My custody arrangement keeps me where I am at. Both are tech hubs so I can see men with money living in both. I picked both because for metros the cost of living is still better than other cities I like, San Francisco being a favorite.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 07:26 PM
0

Seattle WA Denver CO
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 06:55 PM
15

You can point her to resources where she can reach out for help. If she’s not in AA/NA programs, she should join and lean on her sponsors Don’t take this on
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/23 03:57 PM
1

Are you on the birth certificate? If no, step one is to get a paternity test. If the mother doesn’t agree, the court can order one. After paternity has been established you have the same rights and obligations as any other father.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 07:48 PM
5

Sounds like you may be the problem. You have the awareness to acknowledge what you’re doing is fucked up, now extend that awareness to you being a problem. Therapy can help you grow and mature.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 04:33 AM
10

Her mental health declined. She got herself arrested for domestic violence and lost custody of the kids. My ex has been a constant thorn in my side for the last three years trying to use the judicial system as a way to stay engaged via conflict. Youngest turns 18 in four years. My ex will be very alone then since she no longer will have any justification to try to stay in my life. I’ve got remarried and my life has plenty of opportunities for happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 04:46 PM
10

I left my marriage at 44, plenty of time to build a meaningful life. No regrets
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/23 04:33 PM
2

This is so wonderful. Thank you taking the time. Of course my advice is: hide the dating profile for now. OP is just missing the waters by believing he can shift the addiction from his ex to his new partner. That’s unfair to the other partner, and doesn’t have a high chance of success.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 02:38 PM
2

Definitely good for OP to look into the Gavron Warning My response was poorly worded. There is a possibility for litigating for lifetime support judge awarding it Those are potential.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 04:28 PM
14

California 10+ years means lifetime alimony Higher earner pays the lower earner Sounds like you need to get a divorce What are you waiting for?
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 05:29 AM
8

File yesterday. That will automatically put in protections that any debt she accrues from date of filing, may be hers to keep Your responsibility is to yourself. Your spouse is an adult
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 12:42 AM
2

If you don’t have kids, it’s like a high school breakup with legal documents. If you do have kiddos, it requires careful thinking
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 01:21 AM
1

If you don’t have any kids…divorcé immediately. Like yesterday. Her not seeking treatment means she will only get worse.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 07:55 PM
1

Your focus should be on getting the divorce finalized. If she isn’t agreeing, push for trial (each county has a set process for that). Fastest and easiest and cheapest way to get divorced is to agree on everything, including how utilities are paid. If the utilities are in your name, you can definitely terminate them, and she can start up the utilities in her name. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay for them when the judge finalized the divorce. Careful, If there are kids involved, do not te…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 01:13 PM
2

So do you have any court order? Not sure what “going through the process” actually means. Your post is still so vague so it’s hard to give you a helpful answer. Who owns the house? Who’s name on the loan? Who’s name on the utilities? If you don’t have any legal documents that state how assets are split and who owns what then the simplest option is to simply make an agreement with her. You can certainly call the utility companies and terminate the services, and let your wife know she needs to get…
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 12:55 PM
1

Moving out isn’t a legal event. Getting a divorce is. If you’re still married, you may still be obligated to pay. What is your legal status? Married, divorced, have you filed?
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 12:38 PM
3

Right if first refusal only creates more conflict. That’s your argument.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 05:16 AM
3

Here is my advice. Make the divorce happen. Stop speculating. Make it an easy clean cut without games and drama (like you’re fishing for) so that you both can move on. Take it from someone who’s ex is still litigating in court after four years
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/23 12:27 AM
2

Lesson learned. You can’t control others. You still need to get out, not focusing your energy on rules. Fuck the rules. Get out. Move on. Life can be good, aim for that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 04:37 PM
6

Yup.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 12:06 PM
16

Good chance you’ll end up doing both.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 12:04 PM
28

Chances ER high that you will divorce If you marry a SAHM, you will be paying alimony and child support, maybe for the rest of your life
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 12:01 PM
1

Yes. You would still be entitled to your share of the proceeds. The transaction can be fully tracked.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/23 01:52 PM
4

You’d be on the hook for a lifetime in some states. Count your blessings. Settle for a lump sum if you can. Detaching is worth it
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 03:29 AM
1

I eat to cope I have sex to be loved fuck nature
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 08:10 PM
1

I am assuming that you’ve moved apart for quite some time. Once you reach a year, that’s enough for the courts to consider it. Given that Ohio does have fairly narrow grounds, if there are kids involved a consult with an attorney may help. Specifically on how to go about it to not lose custody.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/23 08:16 PM
2

What state?
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 11:41 PM
1

It’s unrealistic that you’d leave them in such a volatile environment 50% or more of their childhood.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 07:54 PM
2

So alimony is $40-$42/year for 10-13 years. That puts her salary at $80k, and yours at $120k And child support is then calculated based on number of overnights each has with the children and the difference in income, which is $40k
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/23 01:30 AM
10

Are the kids not going to school? Why can’t you make exchanges at the school?
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 10:17 PM
2

You’ll need to refi the note on the home if both your names are on it. Your alimony obligation can be as high as 13 years. (80% of length of marriage) So, I doubt you’ll just give her the 401k and keep the house. It doesn’t sound like you can pay off 13 years of alimony in a lump sum unless you’re hiding a stash of cash. “* ...the amount of alimony should generally not exceed the recipient's need or 30 to 35% of the difference between the parties' gross incomes established at the time of the ord…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 10:03 PM
1

How did she buy the bitcoin? The money came from somewhere. There is a record of that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 04:38 AM
3

File first…ALWAYS
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 01:53 AM
1

Less than quarter. Maybe a quarter of the value gained since the marriage. Not of your initial investment.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 08:05 PM
1

Less than quarter
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 08:04 PM
2

Wife got arrested, lost custody because of it, and she’s doing everything she can to claw it back holding up the case from closing. And we’re in an arbitration agreement, where the arbitrator makes money hourly. He has no incentive closing it out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 12:55 AM
1

That argument is moot. You can invest what she pays you and gain or lose on that in the future. Your math is simply idiotic. Take it from someone who’s in year four for a contested divorce. You are the problem in this divorce. Squabble away and gain nothing. I can not agree with that logic. The expense of contention is physical, mental and financial. Your current choice is simply the poorest and most expensive one
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 11:42 PM
1

Why the “f” would you be the obstacle here? If you get as much in a buy out as you would from a forced sale, why do you want to prolong the divorce? It sounds like you’re the problem
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 10:37 PM
1

several levels below my ex What kind of measuring scale are you using?
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 02:13 PM
1

You need to do what’s in the best interest of the kids. It’s not what you want or what your wife wants. Clearly being yelled at as the only form of interaction with the purpose you believe protects you will create life long scars and problems down the road.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/23 07:42 PM
1

If you have 20 years of statements you can do it. Hardly worth your time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 05:25 AM
4

Your lawyer is somewhat right. If you mix the money with marital assets, it can become one. Put the money away into a different account in a different institution and don’t mix it, it’s fine.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 02:39 PM
6

SEPARATE ACCOUNT, preferably a separate institution. As long as you don’t mix the money with marital assets, you should be fine
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 02:38 PM
18

Right. She wouldn’t be looking after your kids. You asked for advice, my advice is to move on. Get divorced, start again.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 03:04 PM
1

Real evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 01:53 PM
67

It would be cruel to the children if you chose this person to be their mom
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 01:13 PM
2

You can appreciate the GP’s dilemma. Having a suicidal truck driver on the road isn’t really about protecting the government as there are many other people on the roads too. The most important thing is to find someone to talk to, to avoid spiraling further. I wouldn’t go to the emergency room, as there would be no continuation in care. I would seek out help directly with a professional I can stay with, for a longer period of time. Their goal is to keep you working and functioning.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 03:12 PM
1

Define “small”. Small is only in relation to how much it will cost you to do a proper calculation. One that a judge will look at and say “ok”
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 06:51 AM
12

I agree with the other replies. Record everything. Get a hidden recorder NOW Even in states where recording requires mutual consent, recordings are admissible as evidence if there is suspicion of a crime. Perjury is a crime.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 05:41 AM
11

Ok, you need to hit the fucking Enter key on your keyboard. Is it missing? No one can read this wall of text. Format it, repost it and you will get better responses.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 04:49 AM
3

You will always get lower what you expected. So sell it, online like eBay or FB Marketplace. Your price decides how long it takes to sell.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 10:25 PM
9

Don’t have a child!! As long as you don’t have a kid, separation and moving on with your life will be an easy option. Now, she clearly has abandonment issues. Unless she is actively aware and working on that in therapy it will only get worse. You have to decide if you want to stay in that environment or not. This is your life. She can’t decide that for you. We can’t decide that for you. Only advice I can give is to say: I have never heard anyone say “I should have waited to get divorced”
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 08:55 PM
4

Larger city has a better dating pool. You’ll both will want that at some point
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 01:08 AM
4

Short marriage. The sooner you divorce the more of your assets you protect
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 09:47 PM
2

What type of custody arrangement did the court order that you don’t have the kids? Is there a path back? That’s where I’d spend my time. Fuck her, but time getting the kids is time well spent
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 04:14 PM
4

Yes. Start over. You can ask your wife if she’ll agree to the separation date as the one you submit the court. That will change how you split things. It will be based on the separation date.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 08:33 PM
7

No need to delete it. That sounds very traumatic. You’re stuck 12 years ago. The entire world has moved on…but you didn’t. Is some of it shame and guilt? For leaving your children? Do you wish it was 12 years ago, and you could just continue with life? Over time does it get harder to recognize that the world has moved on…not waiting for you? Do you wish that your relationship with your children could start over 12 years ago instead of facing the lm as they are today? Do you think they would reje…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 08:22 PM
1

🤣
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 12:00 AM
4

No, you don’t. You just have to submit the papers for the judge to review and sign. Depending on the place you love, the judge may want to see you in person.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 04:14 AM
5

Schedule a trial. Don’t wait on her lawyers
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 02:17 PM
8

I know where you’re at. We’re 3.5 years into it. Luckily I was able to bifurcate the divorce. So I’m divorced but the custody battle is raging. I believe I’m at $175k in legal fees. She is too. Enough to pay for both kids college and get them started in life. I’m sorry you’re going through that. The stress of living in constant conflict is horrible. See if you can schedule the trial and be done with it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 03:37 AM
4

You can’t blame it on her. Your inability to control your emotions is exactly that, it’s yours to own and work on. And you did all of this in front of a kid. In less than 4 hours. The optics do not look good. Regardless what story you will tell. A well regulated adult would have said: this isn’t working for me, I’d like someone else to supervise our visits and then you should have left. There should have not been an explosion, rough words or destruction of property. If I was the other parent, I’…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 12:13 AM
5

Wow. That must be so validating. Clearly there is room for you to work on your boundaries. What must feel as selfish to you is probably still very accepting, tolerant and generous among the majority of the population. So be selfish. Find someone who truly values you. It’s possible, but you must be willing to let people go.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 04:17 PM
4

I would advise the opposite of this reply. One thing to make this whole deal fall apart is to get to lawyers opposing each other involved. It can blow it out of proportion from a cost perspective. When I read your deal, it sounded really fair. If my spouse has come to me with that deal, I would’ve taken it right away. I am three years and over hundred thousand dollars into a custody battle. If we didn’t have money it would’ve never been this way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 01:43 AM
1

Well, she can always divorce you and you’ll be in the same boat. What if you take the above suggestion, you carve out the time, and let her decide. If she chooses dinner out with no phones, that’s what she gets. It makes you available, and it makes it equitable. Activities can be meaningful or pointless if one isn’t present.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 10:31 PM
9

After 3.5 years I’m throwing in the towel. The kids however are with me. I’ve been sanctioned $15k in the last 3 weeks. I tried to play along at the expense of the kids mental health. The system is broken!!
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 06:36 AM
2

I can’t imagine this working out the way you want it. It sounds like a sob story with no actual facts. Meaning…you went down a path, with good intentions, and now it will work against you. The best thing to do would be to work through it with her before getting lawyers involved. Once you get lawyers involved, negotiating is dead. Then it just comes down to a paper trail.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 12:39 AM
2

Everything you write sounds like your life is real good. You mention running out of money…there are three options Make more Spend less Hybrid approach of 1) and 2) Many people go through life focusing on 1. Part of improving themselves is to make themselves more valuable to employers. Others run their own businesses. We don’t know much about you, so you have to chart that path for yourself. Meaning, my only advice is that your self improvement is also focusing on more financial freedom!
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 11:38 PM
5

I realized it too late. Life is too short to not be content and being able to enjoy life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/23 11:07 PM
1

Yes, you can negotiate a future income. But read the fine print of the agreement in case you lose it. Because they are still tracking market value, and they can lose all their value.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 08:01 PM
6

Unvested RSUs are future income. You don’t split it at the time of divorce. If you get fired today, you’ll never realize that income. You have to take a snapshot in time. However, the unvested RSUs are your “earning capability” so that can be used to calculate alimony. Usually they look at three years tax statements.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 07:40 PM
-12

Loving it right now
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 06:53 AM
1

right. Her statements are characteristics of a mental disorder and she projects that by diagnosing you. Stay strong. Record when you can. She will accuse you of more. And in her head it will be real. Maybe r/BPDLOVEDONES is for you?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 03:32 AM
1

Define “acting nutty”!! Unable to regulate your emotions may be a red flag to a custody evaluator. She can say anything she wants. You don’t have to care. Anyone who is your friend won’t care. Don’t waste your time and money on it. Libel will need to show that you lost money because of her. That’s tough. Just focus on being the best father you can for your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 01:37 AM
11

File for divorce right away. With your divorce filing, add a temporary parenting plan that gives you full custody. That protects you After that, file a Writ de Habeas Corpus (I think). This gives law enforcement and child protective services the right to pick up the child and bring him to court The court will release the child to you immediately because you have custody. A lawyer can help
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 08:45 PM
3

Most states have statutes that are called Abusive Use of Conflict that can be used when someone uses the court system abusively. Question, do you understand the path to a trial in your county? Most of us don’t , so we get stuck in a hamster wheel of motions that never ends. Every court has a path to trial that you can force. and if you understand it, you can defer most motions the trial to avoid wasting your time and money. The trial will finalize everything. But if you don’t know how to get to …
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 06:03 AM
1

Yes. Two girls. Now 14 and 17. They were 10 and 13 when my divorce proceeding started.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 10:28 PM
3

Noble of you, but I can see why she rejected. Kids are old enough to hold their own at this point. If you are truly concerned, place the children in weekly therapy. They can voice their concerns there and it will be documented. That way, I’m the future it won’t be a he said she said pissing contest.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 06:33 PM
2

My ex wife is a complete psycho. No fucking way she has any say in who I’m dating or sleeping with. And that person I was sleeping with is now my wife. I owe nothing to my ex in that regard.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 06:31 PM
3

Her time, her life. You’re trying to control her environment…and I get it. You want to protect the kids. But…you are perpetuating conflict. If I was your ex, there would be zero fucking chance I’d start giving you the contact details of my lovers. If you ever contacted them, that would make you a psycho. Of course it’s weird for the kids. It’s not their dad that mom is kissing and snuggling with. Maybe even hear them have sex behind closed doors. That’s what people do Try to step away from it. G…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 03:00 PM
8

The “date of separation” is when you stop counting how long you were married. So you were married about a year. That means No Spousal Support. You don’t have to talk to her mother. You don’t even have to talk to your wife. Just file everything in court.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/23 05:01 PM
1

Establish residency in another state and file there. One that doesn’t issue alimony beyond minimum livable wage. She’ll try to have it moved back to your original state so you may be delicate about it. Also, she can file for divorce too if you decide to stay married.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 11:04 PM
2

You’re not filing the complaint with the cop, you’re filing it with the county I believe. This complaint will follow a chain outside of the deputies control. It’s entirely how much effort you want to follow through with it. If there are kids involved I’d go all the way. That’s what I’m doing. But let me warn you, it’s very taxing on your mental health.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 08:57 PM
3

That’s bullshit. I’d file a complaint with the county against the sheriff’s department. Threat with a lethal weapon is an arrest-able offense.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 08:43 PM
2

If someone pulls a gun on me I immediately call the cops. They will arrest that person.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 08:40 PM
1

I deleted all my social media accounts. They’re useless anyway. Problem solved.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 05:17 PM
1

What culture are you from that judge’s previous marriages? Most western cultures don’t judge.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/23 06:10 PM
1

3 months. That’s a marriage fairly easy to dissolve. Get divorced and then stay single for a year. Your story isn’t healthy for you
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/23 03:30 PM
1

You’re overthinking it. Unless you are running some elaborate scheme to hide assets, there is nothing to worry about. Now, you’re single, filing single. WHY are you wanting to share your tax return with anyone????
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 08:54 PM
1

Makes sense. But yes, you don’t need access to the house. Unless her report shows that something on the inside adds value, like a golden tub 😝. That would have to be spelled out Sorry you’re going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 06:02 PM
1

Get your own appraisal done. And see how they compare. It’s ok for you to submit another professional’s appraisal
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 05:00 PM
1

So has anyone filed for divorce in court? If not, then you are on the slow path. Moving things forward is part of healing and moving on. You entered into a legal contract and it takes time to dissolve that contract.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 08:04 PM
1

Fastest way to get divorced: you two agree on terms Slowest way to get divorced: no one moves the process forward to trial or endless arguing over petty stuff Fastest way to get divorced if you can agree: learn what steps you have to take to schedule a trial in court and follow those exactly without getting stuck on any step. Typical way to get divorced: both parties do nothing but complaint. Eventually one party realizes they have to take legal steps to get the processed underway and finished.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 07:56 PM
1

No kids. This will be easy. Get divorced. She will be required to move out and you can take the steps towards healing and starting anew. Your military medical benefits should include therapy, now is a good time to start
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 07:40 PM
11

You decide what battles to fight You did the right thing to handle your child’s needs No you don’t need a lawyer. You can file a motion for contempt and reimbursement on your own (see bullet 1)
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 09:27 PM
1

You should care. All the things being asked will affect you you in the future “when you’re out” So stop justifying to yourself that divorce is the end of the road, it isn’t. A friend of mine reasoned like yours. His youngest kid is 22 now and he’s still paying alimony. His new partner has to budget for that when they sit down together. Shit follows you post-divorce if you don’t pay attention to the details. And it will affect you in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 05:27 PM
6

You need to get yourself out of poverty. How else will you be able to be a parent at some point? Obviously you need to take responsibility for your behavior. It contributed to the marriage problems more than it provided solutions. If I was you, I’d take the job. It doesn’t sound like anyone has filed for divorce. So what questions do you have around that?
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 01:26 AM
6

They might be able to educate you what your options are now. Simply complaining about it does nothing. You are probably better off getting divorced, and then she will have to support herself.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 09:06 PM
6

So you need to file a motion to have the divorce moved to Rhode Island. The courts will grant it
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 10:52 PM
8

Here is what we do in my state File for divorce Do discovery Declare trial readiness with the court Attend a court mandated settlement conference Schedule trial Attend trial Get divorced All the back and forth achieves nothing. NOTHING. If there are kids involved step 2.5 ask the court to order a bilateral parenting evaluation and that the evaluator makes a recommendation on parenting time and decision making Probably 12 months start to finish in Washington
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/22 09:23 PM
9

Excellent answer. Deserves to be a top level comment
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 04:59 AM
30

You’re not crazy. Don’t let someone else’s insecurities define you and the relationship you have with your children
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 04:14 AM
8

If you can’t agree on alimony, you can request the court to order a vocational evaluation. This is an evaluation that reports back with a person’s ability to work and earnings capacity. You’d have to pay for this most likely. Another thing, if a person is working 50% earning $35,000 you can also argue that the court should impute the spouses income at the double. And that will then be used to calculate alimony and child support All this can end up in long legal and costly battles. The least expe…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 08:52 PM
10

Alimony is an order, like any other court order. You can put any conditions into that order that you want. You can certainly request that alimony can be modified, should circumstances in pay change. It will also mean if your pay changes.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 07:28 PM
2

Have you filed for divorce in court? Your worst case scenario is that the filing date becomes your separation date
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 05:22 PM
1

It’s the best way for a parent to get 50/50. Yes it’s expensive, but the cost of being away from your kids is more
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 02:37 AM
1

Or drop the agreement. It seems pointless anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 05:17 PM
1

She should have never agreed. The problem with your agreement is that all it does is open a door to conflict. And now you’re both in that conflict. So trying to further enforce that agreement will only yield further conflict. Relaxing the agreement or stepping away from it completely would give you both much needed breathing room.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 05:14 PM
1

I feel like when it is her parenting time, she can have anyone she wants watch the child. There have been a few threads here about this very topic. It comes down to your need to control what happens in your ex’s household on her parenting time. That’s not healthy for you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 04:24 PM
5

Yes, it can affect custody. What you can do is file for divorce and at the same time file a temporary parenting plan. Then you can move out and keep the kids as that plan specifies
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 05:55 AM
1

You’re a good person. Stay strong. I can’t imagine the lack of accountability. You’ll be in my thoughts. That’s so extreme
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 05:48 AM
8

Lawyer? Call fucking 911 when that shit goes on. They’ll take her to jail
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 05:36 AM
1

Oh brother, that’s so fucking hard. I just spent the half day in the ER today over suicide threats after seeing her mom. I get the same accusations. I’m over dramatizing and I’m alienating. I got 4 more years until the youngest turns 18. Then it will be over
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/22 05:31 AM
1

Oh, 100%. We started out with 50/50 custody and she sure made the kids’ life a living hell. She got herself arrested and I’ve had the kids for 2.5 years. Now she wants them back….
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 11:17 PM
1

Once I started taking care of myself she was taking out all her issues on the kids. When my daughter started cutting herself I knew I had waited too long.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 05:28 PM
4

You shouldn’t need to battle. What steps are required to get divorced in your state? Here is what a divorce looks like in my state (WA)that requires the least effort You file and You exchange discoveries (lists all assets) You schedule a court required settlement conference You declare trial readiness You schedule a trial Trial takes place, where you make your case and she makes her. The judge decides This is 8-9 months here and you can minimize any interaction. You don’t need to spend months ne…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 08:16 AM
3

50/50 is the bill to die on!!
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 03:38 AM
2

What are you looking for recommendations for? It isn’t entire clear to me? Is finalizing the divorce important to you now that you’re facing such a grim diagnosis?
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 03:37 AM
1

What are you looking for? Custody? Child support? Other financial gains?
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 09:15 PM
4

Find out if gifts or inheritance in your state are not considered marital property. At a minimum you should’ve able to protect the initial investment. The appreciation, increase in value, may be treated separately if you paid into the home using marital funds
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 11:16 PM
3

By the time they prep for divorce, the relationship is already over in their mind. It’s just logistics after that. Best thing you can do is support her decision and get it done as fast and smoothly as possible. That sets you both up for moving on.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 12:37 AM
4

Not agreement. Evaluation. You meet with a shrink who evaluated you and recommends what custody will look like.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/22 04:50 AM
7

WA is favorable to 50/50 If a judge wants differently you request a bilateral parenting evaluation.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/22 03:12 AM
–

Congrats being done!! Fucking nightmare is what it is. $315k in spousal support ???? You essentially walked away with $0 starting over. I’m in WA, what the fuck happened here? No kids and she’s earning what? Did you keep her in the basement as a sex slave?
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 06:24 AM
8

Depends on how amicable you can be. Divorces can turn really ugly. Will this make your divorce turn ugly?
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/22 09:45 PM
1

Right. You can’t do it until the divorce is final, unless you both do it in person together. Cause married couples can do that together.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/22 01:25 AM
3

Divorce orders showing that the vehicle is yours Or you both go to the department of licensing together and take her off
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 10:48 PM
1

Tolerated his absence in the family dynamic
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 08:39 PM
1

She tolerated it. We don’t know if she agreed. At least I don’t.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 08:38 PM
1

If I was him, I’d never contact you. Not my monkeys not my circus You’re attempting to have control over your exes life. That just isn’t sustainable. Once you divorced you agreed to be separate. When the kids are with her, she’s in charge there. And she has no say in your life when the kids are with you
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 03:12 PM
5

I would believe the lawyer. Do not create problems where none exist.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/22 10:40 PM
1

Her net worth is more than his, by A LOT. And they had prenuptial agreements in place. He would have reaped the rewards otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 12:25 AM
6

She has more money. Always did
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 12:24 AM
2

and given TB’s demanding career, I’m not sure that those kids felt they had two parents all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 12:23 AM
1

Starting a family is two people agreeing to new circumstances
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 10:56 PM
1

I divorced my wife so I could be better and have a family
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 10:55 PM
19

Tom Brady was repeatedly told he focused more on football than family. He was aware of this for years. Family wasn’t a priority. It appears that Gisele got tired of not being a family. To me, it seems that her request was justified. Tom didn’t need a divorce. He was already doing what he wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 06:35 PM
22

Yes. Just pay for it. That’s cheap for freedom. Don’t be penny wise and pound foolish
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 02:41 AM
2

Who is Filing doesn’t matter. It just starts a case. But filing is important. A person who files can request a temporary parenting plan at the same time. If that is approved that becomes the starting point. If no parenting plan is filed, some states enact a default one. Filing also creates legal protections around assets. You can no longer “waste assets”
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 12:46 AM
6

There are some. However, if I was in a relationship that was that amicable before a divorce, I’d still be married.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 07:10 PM
3

Where I’m from, WA, they use three years of tax returns to average out income
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 01:08 AM
5

She’ll probably request that the case be moved to NY where the children reside, since TX does not have jurisdiction over them. That request has a high probability of being granted.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 02:47 AM
6

A) a judge will sign if you both agree. If you both get separate lawyers, and they sign too, the judge won’t question it. B) She wants a quick and clean exit. My custody battle has been ongoing for 3.5 years. It’s a waste of time and money to stay connected via conflict. We are probably closer to $250k spent on conflict, with no end in sight. C) you can end up wasting all your assets by creating conflict. In the end, you can get some alimony but not have any assets cause you burnt most of it. If…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 05:39 PM
2

It’s better to focus on OP and the advice they’re seeking. Channel your energy there.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 05:26 PM
3

It depends on what you wish to do next. I think it’s only fair to your wife that you offer her a divorce. Being truthful will set you free. Doing so in couples counseling may be a good start. If you have questions from folks in your situation, maybe start here? r/askgaybros r/gaybros r/lgbt
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 05:24 PM
5

Be true to yourself. Your children don’t benefit from you living with guilt, shame and in hiding. Your wife will know it’s not about her. You two have a chance to be great coparents. It will be a hard journey, it will be worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 05:12 PM
1

Hence the words “also”. But relying solely on one person is worse advice. You get a shitty lawyer, that person ruins your life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 05:18 PM
1

Ok, you can toss that agreement. Anything that was built up during marriage you will have a cut off. That means everything, including retirements plans etc. you will not walk away with nothing. You will be receiving child support if you do this by the book. Stay in the house. Go for 50% or more of custody. You may get alimony too. So, slow down. Do not move. Do not sign anything. You have all the time in the world to get your bearing. Then handle this as a business transaction
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 05:17 PM
1

That isn’t always helpful. Hedging your bets by also coming here is a better.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 05:14 PM
1

Go for it. I’m not a lawyer but i will happily offer couch advice
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 09:15 PM
1

Correct. It will be indefinitely. Child support can always change. (Usually one can request modification every 2-3 years) Parenting time can change if there are significant change in circumstances
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 09:10 PM
1

Option 1. Try this first. It’s low cost Option 2. Mediator is a waste of time. You’re saying that you already agree. A mediation is only used to resolve disagreements. Option 3. Again, you already agree. All you’re asking is that each of you tell your lawyers that you agree. This will be low cost too. However, if your SO changes their mind, then you never agreed, and you were trying to push them to agree by choosing option 1. That’s coercion. You will most likely pay more than $2,000 in alimony.…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 09:03 PM
1

no, a judge can’t force you. The judges role is to resolve disagreements. Their role is not to uproot agreements. Why would lawyers skyrocket this? It would cost you $1,000 each to draft documents, sign them and submit them to court. That must be less than the alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 08:46 PM
1

It is very unlikely that a judge would try to overrule what you two agree upon. The judge will however be required to try to figure out if there is coercion. That’s a bit tricky. The best thing you can do is Both of you get representation You write the divorce orders, child support orders, and parenting plan out You each sign Your lawyers sign Now, your SO’s lawyer is the one who determines if this is what your SO want. The judge will no longer question it, as the SO lawyer is acting in the best…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 08:30 PM
2

Alternatively, you can split all your accounts 50/50. If she accepts that, she can fund herself from her portion. Good chance the court will see that split as an agreement between the parties.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 02:15 AM
12

Both. Absolutely both. You’re not running a charity.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 02:14 AM
20

You don’t start until there is a court order that tells you to start. She can request temporary relief, that’s support that gets paid until the final order is in place If you pay without an order, there is a good chance that will NOT be counted towards your support when the order comes in, and you’ll end up paying twice. 50/50 custody is the bill to die on
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 02:08 AM
18

Sounds like you’re still angry. Keep working. You’re done when you don’t even think about her
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 04:04 AM
1

Lawyers can create hostility. Hostility leads to long and very costly proceedings. (Ours was way over $200k, but my ex is a complete psycho) The best and most efficient divorce you can have is the one you and your spouse can agree to. 50/50 custody is the hill to die on. Child support and spousal support depends on your state.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 10:38 PM
1

I believe you need to Set her free. Let her go Work on yourself You have long ways to go before you can have a healthy and mutually beneficial relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 08:10 PM
1

Sorry about your situation, but you need to get your act together. You need to file for divorce right away. With your filing, ask that the court approves a temporary parenting plan. You can ask for full custody based on your wife’s behavior. Or if you deem your son be safe with a drunk and unstable person, you can ask for 50% custody. Not doing anything right now will work against you. Your actions are telling the court you don’t care about your son, because you’re not seeing him. You should hav…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 03:12 AM
2

Yes, during the pandemic that was the only option.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 10:25 PM
11

Identical situation. My ex-wife definitely show cases a lot of BPD traits, still to this date. Separate in 2019. Divorced 2021 (bifurcated, so no parenting plan). High conflict temporary parenting plan has has her supervised visits for a year and a half The symptoms you describe I experience at a factor of ten. Since the conflict still ensues around custody, I’m in constant fight or flight mode. My blood pressure is high, even tho I’m in good shape. It’s all from anxiety being a conflict avoidan…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 04:15 PM
13

There is a lot to do, my starting point would be Therapy This isn’t about “me”. What she did is not about me In your post, you take on her doings and attribute them to you and your life. Perhaps, if you can shift that perspective. You don’t control her, you never did. So what she did was not about you. It was something she did for herself. Maybe something she had to do for herself. Leave her baggage with her. That’s one approach
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 01:40 PM
1

I would never show up with out recording. I would be discreet about it. In states where recording requires consent, like WA, recording is still permitted if you think a crime is about to be committed and the recording can be admissible in court.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 05:09 PM
18

You go for 50% custody, and the kids will adjust
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 09:44 PM
1

Yeah, the court doesn’t care. It will be a “he said she said” situation. If it goes to court, you’ll have to fight for equal custody. then you have to request the court that your spouse undergoes a vocational evaluation. This determines what income to impute her with. Your word means very little here. Judges make decisions based on input from “experts”
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 03:34 PM
1

You can impute income. So even if she doesn’t work, when things are calculated, it will be calculated in such a way as if she did work. Now, this depends on if you have kids. If you do, her stance will be that you two agreed she’d be a stay at home mom.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 03:20 PM
1

Dude, if it’s a custody issue. Request the court to order a “bi lateral custody evaluation”. That’s a psychological evaluation of both parents and if all is good, you end up with 50/50
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/22 03:54 AM
1

I’m like what?? Who’s giving you legal advice? Schedule a god damn trial. After the trial you will be divorce. Your lawyer does NOT need to talk to her lawyer, ever. You file in court and the only conversations that ever happen are in front of a judge. Get your head out of your ass and schedule a trial and end it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/22 03:53 AM
3

Make sure her lawyer signs it too. It carries more weight if she signed the agreement and her lawyer signed the agreement without you being present. Then the coercion claim becomes weaker.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 08:55 PM
1

I’d end it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 07:16 PM
1

One person can buy the other person out. If neither can afford it, you sell it and split the proceeds
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 12:42 AM
1

You should lose nothing. Assets will be divided 50/50 because you are equals in income. And there won’t be any alimony. Assuming custody becomes 50/50 (this is the bill to die on) there will not be any child support either.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 12:04 AM
1

Ask for 50/50 and you’ll get less. That’s the pattern I’ve seen
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/22 04:14 AM
1

Your response to the court is to ask for 80% custody, and her have every other weekend
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/22 04:01 AM
1

If the loan is in both names, You’ll need to refinance it to get one name of the loan. Otherwise, it’s a cost calculation. Rates will keep going up for a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 12:18 PM
1

You can limit your lawyer to court issues. I told my lawyer to ignore all emails from her lawyer unless it pertained to a motion filed in court. This drastically cut down my costs.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 06:31 PM
10

The conversation doesn’t have to be about love. Simply that you have different goals and that it’s time for you to pursue your needs. You don’t need to say what those needs are, or how you arrived where you are at. That’s not relevant. Finances is what you need to figure out. That’s the messy portion.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 06:26 PM
20

Boys wear whatever they want to wear…something about the 1st amendment comes to mind. The nail polish itself is not the issue. It’s using the child in such a passive aggressive manner. One parent telling them to have nail polish and the other telling they shouldn’t makes the kid a ping pong ball in their dysfunctional post marriage relationship. My suggestion is to not fall in the trap and just become part of the same problem. The correct way to handle it is to give the kid some agency in the pr…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 10:57 PM
4

That’s a very difficult history you have, and that must have been a hard healing path for you. I don’t wish that on you or any other person. But you’re not a shitty parent. You’re just not a parent at all. You’ve been alienated completely. To be a shitty parent means you have the opportunity to be a parent, and you choose to not be. OP already has 50%. That’s a dream position for any man in the US court system to start with. I would imagine that your involvement with your child would look a lot …
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 12:09 AM
1

OP is contemplating to be a parent that chooses not to parent. Do you really need my judgement for that? What would you call it? A good parent? A neutral parent? A gray area parent? Why don’t you come up with an appropriate label? Maybe a struggling parent? (Sounds nicer, but doesn’t make you a good or better parent)
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/22 11:25 PM
1

What you are effectively advocating for is: I need time and space away from my kid to heal That’s what your post says. This is a valid position. OP has to validate the cost/benefit analysis of such a choice. The cost is obviously to the child and the benefit is to the OP, …or the other way around. No one on Reddit can advocate for one solution over the other, because we lack too many details. It could very well be that “weekend dad” benefits everyone, including kids, in the long run. What that t…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/22 10:51 PM
1

weekend dads is an american thing This has to be one of the most asinine comments of my lifetime Sure it’s a thing, it’s a joke portrayed in the movie Finding Nemo, when a shark says I never knew my father and another shark says he must be American Just because it happens, does not make it right or healthy for the child Unless the relationship is fraught with conflict or one of the parents is a complete dud, it’s a proven and validated fact that a child benefits from an equally connected relatio…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/22 10:01 PM
1

So..,fresh start is more important than stay an influential parental figure in my kids life… If you are a shitty person and a shitty parent where your son actually benefits from less contact with you…your solution is a logical choice. Now, no one likes to think of ourselves as a shitty parent, and even less so a shitty person. That’s because we have different value systems. Clearly the mother of your son places a higher value of parent-child relationship than you do. This doesn’t make you a bad …
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/22 08:54 PM
2

It depends what the source of the money is. If the money are considered marital assets, then she it entitled to that money. It also varies between states, and as asked before, if there is a court case and a separation date established
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 04:04 PM
1

r/codependency It’s a real thing. Feeling that you need to control all the external factors to take care of other adults. I did it. It’s a fucken disaster and it will eat away at your life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/22 05:09 AM
2

Yes, please reach out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 04:36 PM
4

High conflict. Continuous litigation. I’m don’t think my ex was ready to move on. I finally got divorced, but it got bifurcated. The custody issue is still ongoing. Right now she sees the kids 2 hours per week
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 03:38 AM
5

I can see how that’s stressful. That’s a tough one. If that was my situation I’d start taking weekends away on my own. A tent and some wilderness, see you Sunday!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 12:23 AM
9

So, we don’t live together. She has her kids 50/50; so when she has her kids, I spend that time alone or with my kids. It’s been sufficient for me. Maybe you two need to focus on individual activities … rebalance your relationship a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 12:09 AM
13

I met my person one week before I left the marital home, and started dating her 3 weeks after I had moved out. My divorce took 2 years, and she stuck through it with me. We’ve been together 3 years now. We don’t live together yet So, I did, and I’m still doing, a lot of healing on my own and with her. I didn’t have any wild oats to sow. So for me, it seems to be working out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/22 11:49 PM
4

She won’t gain anything. But in her mind she may think she will.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 05:31 PM
1

You don’t have to provide even 5% of what’s requested. Stick to the major items. It’s not a death sentence if you don’t provide stuff
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 04:17 AM
2

Let it go. Not your monkeys not your circus
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 04:49 AM
2

You sound pretty judgmental. That’s pretty sad that that’s what you think when you see another human being. I would recommend therapy over online dating.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 01:03 AM
7

If your state has common law, you may become classified as “married” even without having a license. So I’m not sure you can always avoid it. Marriage is a social norm, signaling a different level of commitment. It also allows for benefits to be derived by the married couple. So it’s not just what’s bad about it. Many have successful marriages. Just not us :)
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 04:56 PM
3

Our judge wanted three years of tax returns.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 03:35 PM
5

☝️
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 03:34 PM
3

Whoa! This is getting ugly. Take NC for example. Alimony factors in marital misconduct and adultery is such a conduct. I believe it is N.C. Gen. Stat. § 50-16 However, OP is in CA. He just needs to let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 05:46 PM
3

Got it. Yes, it doesn’t matter at all. It would be a total waste of time focusing on it. Therapy would help you more.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 03:29 PM
3

No, it most likely won’t matter to the courts. It should be a clear signal to you to end this faster and move on with your own life. What state are you in? States have at fault divorce or not.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/22 03:13 PM
0

I feel this can be used against her. Essentially, she is flaunting “income” because she’s paying for all of this, yet she doesn’t have a job. So when she tries to ask for alimony and/or child support, you simply show that she already has all the assets that she needs to have, because she gets income from somewhere to send kids to expensive events that you can’t afford nor agree with
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/22 04:49 PM
3

If divorce is filed, alimony and/or child support is ordered, your wishes may just remain wishes, if the person obligation lands on you. Best thing in any divorce is to keep it amicable and come to agreements between the two of you, then document those and file them with the court to make them into an order.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/22 09:00 PM
3

Lawyer won’t be able to answer it. A lawyer may tell you what the judges that he’s familiar with will do. You left out the state and how many years you’ve been married With those two pieces you can figure out alimony on your own. earning potential isn’t as common as it sounds. The judge will look at the two of you, and see that you made an agreement together for her to make $50k and for you to make $100k
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/22 04:52 AM
2

If income drops from $250k to $75k, the judge will take that into consideration, for both parties sake
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 11:16 PM
10

You’re overthinking it. Simplify it, a judge would do this look at three years tax returns Calculate an average A judge won’t read an essay of reasoning
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/22 09:52 PM
8

Do not text. Do not initiate any contact. Get yourself a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/22 01:47 AM
71

The difficult truth is that when a spouse says they’re done, it’s not the beginning of their decoupling journey. They have very often thought of this for years and have reached a level of acceptance that means there isn’t a path to return to the marriage You’re trying to stop a plane from taking off while she’s been in the air for years trying to figure out where to land. Your best effort is spent on yourself. Give her an amicable separation and continue working on yourself. If she comes back, i…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 04:34 PM
2

Ask to have the parenting plan amended. She can try to argue against it, but that won’t go far.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/22 02:42 AM
1

What state? Let’s get the facts right first :)
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 10:44 AM
5

Yesterday. Always. Filing can happen before you move out too. Many treat filing as the final step, when it should always be the first.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 03:34 PM
8

☝️ No delays. The longer you wait, the longer you say you’re ok without your kids
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 09:40 AM
3

The more you share, the more you are part of the problem. It is better if the PC sees her being unreasonable. For example, I told my PC nothing. One time, my ex needed to drop something off for a kid. She arrived with a friend, demanded to see the kid (who refused) so I kindly requested to take the item from her. My ex reported to the PC that there was an altercation at my doorstep. I showed the PC the Ring video, and now the PC questions each statement my ex does. Sharing your couch diagnosis o…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/22 09:43 PM
9

☝️
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 03:38 AM
2

50/50 is the hill to die on. Leaving a child behind will not garnish much sympathy
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/22 06:01 AM
2

Marriage is a contract you can enter into at your free will, but you will require the State’s permission to exit it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 07:38 PM
14

sigh…this isn’t what lawyers are for. I specifically had to instruct my attorney to not engage nor respond to anything that wasn’t directly related to an upcoming hearing. I basically said, the judge is the only one you’re talking to. I’m not paying you to bicker with my ex and her attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/22 02:52 AM
1

r/bpdlovedones “Protect your interest” To be honest, there isn’t that much to protect. You’re placing too little value on your freedom and mental health. You can sell the home and split it. Same for all assets. You have a short marriage; no kids; that’s an easy out. Just.Get.It.Done There is a what is called opportunity cost lost when you stay in this marriage. Everyday you contemplate protecting interests is a day where you could have been free working on yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 05:18 PM
3

All good stuff (except the threat of violence). Kids are old enough, but they will still feel hurt. But it may help them move on and leave more blame with her as opposed to carrying it themselves
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 04:57 PM
4

If she has NPD. This won’t be peaceful. That’s a pipe dream. All you’re doing is wasting precious time. That will count against you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 03:04 AM
2

What audience is that last question targeting?
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/22 02:59 AM
3

Don’t agree to the move. That’s how you make this work
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/22 04:07 AM
2

Set up a PO Box? Cheapest solution
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/22 11:06 PM
2

Let me tell you brother. None of your emotions matter once you’re in this place. You need to scrounge up the courage and go through the divorce, without emotions. It’s a transaction. You save your emotions for therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 03:32 AM
4

In a marriage, that’s headed for dissolution. Every day that you don’t file counts against you. Therefore, as you’ve been advised already, file now then figure everything out. Including your emotions they can be handled after you have filed. Your goal is to get a date of record for when you started your separation. In most states that includes that you don’t have to move apart yet. Of course check your state’s laws
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/22 03:22 AM
7

Sounds like you are both amicable. Lawyers may aggravate the situation, when the two of you could agree on how to split things If you struggle with the paperwork, you can hire a paralegal for a fraction of the cost to help fill out paperwork. You still both represent yourselves
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 04:12 PM
0

Sounds like a scam
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/22 03:28 AM
1

It’s about acceptance. For some, acceptance comes easily. They simply accept that being stuck is counterproductive. So they make a choice to move on. The longer we are stuck, the harder it is to break free. Our brain forms pathways, much like a river slowly digs in and forms a way in the ground. I went and did an Ayahuasca ceremony. It isn’t for everyone but it was a huge wake up call.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 08:26 PM
1

and yet, I would never leave my kids. It’s a loss. Treat it as a loss. From here on out, you can choose to live in the past. It is your choice to make. You have control of her that. That will be a tough life, many have done it before you. No one can convince you to move on. No one can convince you to take a different path. That’s a choice you’ll have to make for yourself. Your kids are innocent in all of this. That’s why we stay with them. That’s why we sacrifice for them. Leaving them isn’t an …
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 06:15 PM
1

My dream home was sold under me. I know the feeling. You feel wronged. But, when your kids grow up, they won’t care about the house, so why should you. Make a better life
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 03:46 PM
3

Where I am at, WA, spousal support is generally written to be non modifiable
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/22 10:52 AM
0

Your friends and family suggested you and to abandon your child? Well, in that case you will be paying child support.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 05:57 AM
3

What state? How much does she make? How much do you make? What assets did you each have before the marriage? What assets did you acquire or grow during your marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 05:55 AM
1

Depends on the state you live in and how long you’ve been married. And other factors, but those two are big ones
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 06:19 AM
1

I wouldn’t leave my kids. My kids would mean more than home ownership. I’d rent, and the. I’d ask her for child support to balance out the equation. WA has a calculator for that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/22 06:17 AM
2

Was the home awarded to you? If I yes,you can pack up her stuff. I wouldn’t put it in paid storage. You’re still responsible for it until she picks it up. She can have a family member or friend pick it up.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 06:55 PM
6

The hate is rooted in anger within you. While you can project it onto her, and do so for years, it’s not a healthy strategy. You’ll just grow old, cynical and bitter. Not a very attractive trait in a person. Your first step is to recognize that the anger is yours. You own it, you’re in control of it and you’re responsible for it. It doesn’t have anything to do with her. Getting help in therapy may work, IF you’re willing to accept the anger as your responsibility to change.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/22 06:10 PM
4

I meant to express this earlier. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I understand where your head is at. It’s like it is a no win situation, just more shit ahead. I’m three years past it too. My ex still being litigious. My situation is different. She got herself arrested trying to break into my home, calling 911 telling them I assaulted her. So I have full custody.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 07:14 PM
3

Those countries may have agreements with the US. That would make this impossible
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/22 03:58 PM
12

Here’s the deal. She may be out there with other men, who don’t give a shit. But if you want to date other women, many of those women will give you a hard no, because you’re a married man. Why would you want to keep strings attached like that?
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 12:39 AM
1

You didn’t speak at all? Not a single word?
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 08:52 PM
2

I had similar thoughts. My saving grace has been that as I age, I’m 47, the pickings get pretty slim and sketchy. It just isn’t a variety that I’m interested bouncing around on. Finding a woman my age, that has her own retirement savings, her own career and is looking to enjoy life in a balanced way is quite difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 07:51 PM
2

What do you stand to gain by playing the field? To answer that question it comes down what you need out of life. I met my current partner less than a week after moving out. We’ve been together almost three years. Still living separate. Obviously viewing the opposite gender as a game and objectifying the person shows mental limitations on yourself that can work against you in the future. The days of that mentality are slowly fading away. You only stand to gain from changing that attitude.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 07:17 PM
3

I’m sorry that happened to you. Custody isnt fixed. It can always change. I don’t know what notes the judge put, and if you don’t know, go and get them so you understand the ruling and the reasoning behind it. Your next step could be to propose a ”step up parenting plan” to the court. It should have detailed steps that would get you back to 50/50 with increments. It would include therapy for you, possibly for you and the kids, and other mitigation strategies that would show the court how serious…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 05:44 PM
8

It would be better if you had 50% custody. That’s about the only way you’re going to equalize the CS. You can twist and turn your rental story anyway you want, it most likely won’t change it. “transfer” is total bullshit. You can sell the property and reinvest in something better, so you still have that as income. No one fucking “transfers” assets. The judge would probably be insulted for the attempted stunt and make sure you don’t get a chance to pull one like that again. Covid didn’t make rent…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/22 03:55 PM
8

I lost 60%, I could have retired. Not anymore
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 03:51 AM
1

You can. And you’ll take the loss. She gets the full value of her share.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 08:56 PM
3

If she knows about it, it doesn’t matter how many loop holes you push the property through. The judge can simply order a cash award from you to her in lieu of the property. And you’ll be paying her regardless.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 08:39 PM
5

At least I can look my kids in the eyes when they grow that I was never wavering on my commitment to be there parent. If a judge took it away from me, that’s on the mom, the judge and the system.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 05:39 PM
6

It’s personal for everyone. 50/50 is the hill to die on. I would never have less time with my kids to sooth my ex’s ego
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/22 02:28 PM
3

…I hope you don’t go through with it. It’s a recipe for disaster. Why don’t you find happiness for you?
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 03:53 AM
5

It’s between you and her, you can make up any schedule you want. The more flexible you are with each other the easier life will be
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/22 02:32 PM
2

I used net income. My income after taxes, federal and state.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 09:00 PM
5

If she can’t afford the house the judge will award it to you assuming you can pay her equity out in cash based on real market value. Just file for divorce. Filing for divorce doesn’t mean you have to divorce. But it starts the clock and marks an event when you stop sharing future income. If the “separation” incomprehensibly works, you can withdraw the court filing. But trust me, do not delay the filing.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 01:27 AM
5

Where I live (WA) the process is like this Discovery- and if the other party isn’t cooperating, file a motion to compel File a motion for “trial readiness” Our courts require a mandatory settlement conference Schedule trial date Have the trial declare you divorced You can settle anytime between these steps. Anytime. But not doing these steps in hope of having a resolution will most likely bring you back to doing these exact steps, just at a later time
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 09:17 PM
3

Unless there are kids involved, Disengage. I filed. Divorce took 2.5 years with over $200k in combined legal fees. Nothing will get resolved now. The only way you’re getting divorced is She agrees to it You declare trial readiness and schedule a trial date Usually scheduling a trial date will get things moving. There is absolutely nothing you can do in the meantime. Using lawyers to negotiate is a waste of money Attempting to negotiate with her is a waste of time fighting over bullshit in court …
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 08:43 PM
1

Make sure you record it. Even in state that requires consent to recording, if a crime was committed that recording may be admissible. Call 911 when it happens. Sorry bud. Courts will not give a shit about the dogs. You have to find a way to detach yourself from this. Either she will give you the dogs or she won’t. It’s not worth fighting for. Do NOT make any investments, like a house, now. That will seriously make it more complicated. Once she has been served the divorce papers everything is loc…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 07:56 PM
2

She’ll be expected to work full time assuming you get 50% custody. If she only works part time, the court will still put in a full time salary into the CS calculator. It’s called “imputing jet income”
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/22 04:46 AM
5

Get an appraiser to get current market value.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 10:45 PM
7

Yeah….in the end, we just say fuck it and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 12:40 AM
4

I would recommend using the state instead of winging it and trying to make it work with your ex. Texas has a “Child Support Division” which falls under the Attorney General’s office. There is a website that is called “Child Support Interactive” that you can submit all your payments online. Zero interaction with your ex needed
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 03:11 AM
11

There is a shortage of labor. The “she won’t find a job” is bullshit. You file now. She will be expected to earn the same as she was before. If she doesn’t get job, you still impute her income, meaning that’s her earning potential so it will count against her. Again, the longer you wait to file, the more screwed you can get in this scenario. In 3-6 months if you haven’t filed, then yes, you’re a sole bread winner because you agreed to it and did nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/22 10:09 PM
3

There is nothing gained by waiting. Filing for divorce is just the first step in a long journey. But that filing starts the clock, and gives you a separation time stamp. I highly doubt a lawyer will get you a better deal. If you lawyer up, so will she, and now alimony becomes the sticking point. Once that’s decided, there will be child support to further equalize your incomes.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 09:50 PM
20

The affair doesn’t matter, legally. So don’t get hung up on that. I would file in WA. If you move down there, file in AZ, your wife will most likely petition for the case to be moved to WA. Spousal support for 15 years of marriage is 3-4 years in WA. You both can agree to skip it. Your case should be simple. Be nice. Be amicable. The marriage is over, if you become hostile, you’re just making a costly mess for yourself. You’re dealing with a business transaction now. Save your emotions for thera…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 03:16 PM
3

Good advice here. All about boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 02:06 PM
21

You’d have to read your order. Most spousal support orders are written to be non modifiable with the exception of death or the spouse getting remarried.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 12:54 PM
1

Your son will be ok if you get 50% custody.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 02:49 AM
1

The mediator will not be convinced. They will just reiterate what you say, in terms of figures. It is your wife you want to reach an agreement with. There is a saying: penny wise, pound foolish That will be you if you don’t think through the cost if you don’t agree
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 09:46 PM
6

I offered her a very generous financial package, and 50/50 custody. Her attorney told her that he would get her way more on both and that my offer was garbage. He told her she could get $9,000/month in alimony for 7 years and majority custody. She got 53% of the assets, but her alimony request got knocked down to $4k/month for 4 years. I had offered her 6 years alimony. She requested 80% custody of the kids. I now have 100% custody of our kids, she gets 2 hours supervised visits per week. (the w…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 08:15 PM
3

I would try without lawyers first. Because of your income disparity and length of marriage she may be awarded more of the assets in court. For example: my ex got awarded 53% while I got 47%. If you two can agree on a split that you’re both comfortable with, I would do that first. Lawyers will quickly eat up any differences you argue about. My divorce cost almost $200k. Total shit show
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 08:07 PM
5

As long as you have documentation, she will get awarded all the debt she has accrued since filing. Sorry you’re going through this
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 06:00 AM
10

Focus on you, I’d recommend the gym and therapy for self growth. That truly opens up a lot of doors. Calling women hoes shows a fairly low level of maturity and that will limit your prospects.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 12:45 AM
9

🤭
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 12:43 AM
5

Yes, you have a way forward When your child makes a statement like “mommy says you’re a xxx” You take the high road. You don’t rebut it, you don’t argue it, you simply respond with a question “Do you think I am an xxx?” And you engage your child via questions, and questions only. Eventually the child will start discarding what mom says.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 05:23 PM
1

I’m in the opposite situation. My ex wife sent my kids to live full time with me, thinking it would lead to a crash and burn situation that would drive them back to her. 2 years later they don’t want anything to do with her. Kids are 13/16
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 06:21 PM
7

If you can pay, pay, then submit the evidence of payment to the court. The motion will get dismissed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 05:26 PM
3

Standard here is 50/50, albeit I have full custody now as she fell off the mental health wagon and got herself arrested
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 06:38 PM
2

did you trade financial assets for custody?
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 04:43 PM
1

That sounds wonderful. My ex was kind and generous but her mental health declined. The kids became her competition, she didn’t want to join the work force, and inside her head there was an entirely different reality from what the rest of us were living.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 09:40 PM
3

She could have been kind to the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 03:56 PM
2

You’re way ahead of me if she is showing self awareness. Even after mine lost custody, she still blames it on me. It was all my fault.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/22 02:17 AM
1

I’m way too much of a people pleaser to take majority of the blame. I ended it because she started acting out her issues onto the kids. Now I got full custody of two amazing teenage daughters and after two years, she still walks around telling everyone it was my fault.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 07:47 PM
10

Mine was 1/4 for the duration in WA. 4 years based on a 16 year marriage
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 05:34 PM
21

You sound like an amazing man, an incredibly dedicated father and an overall catch. Shed the previous relationship. There are so many emotionally intelligent women that have more to offer. You clearly have a head on your shoulder, you need someone you can level with I’m a solo father. There is nothing sexy about taking care of two kids by myself, but I’m proud of it. I found a partner who treasures who I am. Not what I have, what I drive (14 year old Hyundai Sonata), or what everyone else does.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/22 03:31 PM
4

Welcome to the world of personality disorders. This will not get better unless your wife recognizes the issues and start seeking help herself. You will never be able to get her to improve. You have a choice to make. Do I stay in this marriage knowing it may always be like this. Or do I set myself free? The problem with marriages is that the longer they go on the more difficult they are to break up legally
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 04:53 PM
7

I would argue against spousal support. She makes enough to support herself . Split whatever you share 50/50. Consider not fighting over stuff you can replace anyway. Your situation is easy. If there is resistance, it’s probably emotional and not rooted in logic.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 03:54 AM
3

You’re about to enter a legal journey muddied by your emotions. A lawyer is not a therapist, even tho you will want to use them that way. You’ll want them to understand your emotional state through this process. This is an absolute waste of money. You need a lawyer that can Have Healthy boundaries Tell you to stop if they think you’re wasting time and money Give actual strategic advice and realistic expectations Not just blindly represent you Is responsive to your communication Point 4 is import…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 04:55 PM
1

You can offer to get rid of the dog or you can find another place. This isn’t as much about him as it is about you. You are a guest, and you are encroaching on his personal space. You just are. And with a dog vomiting on beds, you’re creating friction.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 04:44 PM
19

Would you want to see nudes of your next partner’s ex?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 05:09 PM
2

6 years is pretty long. Over half the marriage. I’m paying 4 years for 16 year marriage (state:WA)
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/22 09:54 PM
9

I wouldn’t leave my house. Especially if divorce is being mentioned. A divorce is a legal journey. You have to play that one smart.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 06:51 PM
1

what do you think HR will do and why? Does your company have any specific policies in place pertaining to this situation?
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/22 02:21 PM
8

It’s far easier to sell it first. Because if your spouse objects to the sale during divorce you’re stuck making the payments until a judge rules on it. This is months, sometimes years.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/22 04:53 PM
7

Mother can do it on her parenting time
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/22 02:17 PM
5

☝️
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 03:08 AM
4

You have to stay strong and normalize the schedule as it is. Not sure why you don’t have 50/50 as that’s becoming the norm in many states. Do not send him back. Kids are resilient and adaptive.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/22 02:55 AM
1

Youd have to transfer all assets to an institution not reachable by any western government. The Russian obligarchs are finding that out as we speak.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 02:29 AM
1

Be careful with that statement. The US carries financial jurisdiction and exchanges with other countries. I am not a lawyer. But I know that my home country exchanges my tax information with the US. The court orders in the county that issued them still have jurisdiction over them. As a citizen they still have jurisdiction over him. While collection may be difficult, the arrears will keep racking up making a return back to the US very difficult
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 01:13 AM
1

Depends on two things Your state/county The language in your divorce orders
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 10:02 PM
2

Good luck. We feel for you!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/22 03:24 PM
3

It’s based on parenting time. If one parent has majority time, IRS considers that parent to have right to claim it
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/22 06:11 PM
1

☝️
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 08:09 PM
1

Where I live you have to wait two years from when the child support order was filed with the court. So most likely you won’t be able to modify it in a short timespan. What’s your custody situation? If you have less than 50%, that’s the hill I would die on. You sound like you’re on a burn out path. Start therapy. This is important for many reasons, one of them being able to take disability leave if your well being worsens. Therapy will also help you continue and possibly improve, and most importa…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/22 08:07 PM
1

Yes. It’s a bad idea. Get a parenting plan first. You can petition in court for a temporary parenting plan with your divorce filing
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 09:05 PM
6

You needed an emergency motion filed in court yesterday. Don’t waste your time on Reddit. Make sure it’s filed tomorrow
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 02:50 AM
3

So you’d need to find out what matches the criteria, and then wait for that to happen. I waited 9 months after having the kids full time to ask for full custody.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 12:24 AM
11

As others said: document each instance. Let this go on for 6 months. That establishes a pattern. Then you can petition the court to change it to reflect what is actually taking place. Check in your county, I believe where I live we have to wait a certain period before requesting custody changes. Over here it could be longer than 6 months to prove a significant change in parenting circumstances
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 12:19 AM
2

An equalization payment or a judgement payment are not taxable from a checking account. What’s the amount and what does the court order say?
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 10:57 PM
4

Good luck. High conflict divorces suck ass. I was at it for 2.5 years
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/22 10:45 PM
2

He doesn’t have the right to disobey the order. He can contest it in court
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 07:23 PM
5

They are, morally. But not legally.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 07:05 PM
3

Two wrongs don’t make a right
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 07:04 PM
2

Got it. Makes sense. You kind of are the A-hole, meaning, you’re disobeying a civil court order.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 06:55 PM
3

Why aren’t you filing for motion of contempt in the original state?
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 06:48 PM
2

Sounds like paternity tests are in order before you make any moves. Between the two of you, you’d still have to support six kids if they’re all yours. Financially a divorce may be difficult. You’ll need to weigh that against the cost of staying together and getting divorced when all kids are 18.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 04:18 PM
5

Your CS will not change. Your earning potential remains the same even if you retire or change jobs.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 02:40 PM
26

Your situation is common. I was in it, married for 16 years. Divorce yielded $4,000/month in spousal support for 4 years She got 53% of all assets, I got 47% Your location will determine how that high pay of yours gets distributed. The court doesn’t care if you agreed to her being a stay at home mom or not.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/22 11:01 PM
9

Depends on OP’s post and how it was phrased. 100% would I take the extra parenting time and I would then leverage that to get more custody. My kids are my priority and a divorce didn’t change that. When they’re grown up and out of the house my priorities will shift. I currently have 100% custody
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/22 08:14 PM
2

Right. That’s where I ended up. I started with 50/50, she wanted 80%, after a three year divorce she has 5%
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 08:29 PM
1

Or you can make more :)
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 02:16 AM
10

The longer you stay married, the more expensive it gets, not less as you portray as a risk in your post. 50/50 Custody is the hill to die on...period. That gives your children the time they deserve with you, and it completely changes the child support calculation. The sooner you divorce, the easier the alimony calculation is. As I said, shelter in place will only make it more expensive, not less.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 08:10 PM
2

Probably not common enough for an active sub. I haven’t heard of one
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 03:02 PM
2

Hey man, sorry about the marriage. That’s over and in the past. But your post and self awareness are excellent. There 100% is a future for you. Most pwNPD (people with narcissistic personality disorder) deny that their behavior is wrong and never seek to improvement. As soon as you decide to change, and seek that change to grow as a person, you’re a winner in my book. Put yourself in therapy. It’s an excellent tool.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 09:19 PM
3

It’s a three way conversation. What does your son want and how are you two including him in the conversation?
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 01:40 AM
0

Regardless If f what happened, it sounds like your friend lacks boundaries. Her actions seems reasonable given that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/22 06:53 PM
4

Alimony - Read your alimony agreement. Most of them are unmodifiable Child support - can be modified, about every 2 years where I live based on change in circumstances Circumstances include: 1. Change in custody/parenting time 2. Change in either parties income Who she is dating doesn’t matter. Spite is not the hill to die on
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/22 02:48 AM
7

Don’t walk away from custody. 50/50 is the hill to die on. If you’re therapist is even half right, read this Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder https://www.amazon.com/dp/1684036119/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_8H5JCD7KFNXMK36BSXBE My divorce took 30 months. It was a nightmare. Everything that could happen did happen
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/22 05:28 PM
9

Let her bail. Sounds like she may do you a favor if you view it as such. So pick yourself up and start living for the things you enjoy. Exercise, whether you like it or not, find hobbies and through those, meet other people. Life can be good. You don't have to be stuck with anger and abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 04:04 AM
3

Fastest, most amicable divorce is one without lawyers. Can you and your ex look at the $30k you're about to spend and say we'd rather keep that money between the two of us?
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 01:13 AM
4

A profession doesn’t make a person more or less worthy as a parent. The Dr vs Locksmith is just insecurities on your end. You’ll have to work through those. Regardless your kids deserve you!!
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 06:33 PM
3

50/50 Custody should be the hill you die on. How would you explain taking less to your own kids? Something like nah, I figured I'd get some money, and have you less 50/50, no less. And equal decision making rights. Don't make poor choices
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/22 06:18 PM
3

The other answer is correct. Child Support is an automatic calculation. You can negotiate to not pay, but in a couple of years she can renew the request. So rather than mixing all the things, divide it like the court would. If the court would split your retirements, then split them the same way. Etc etc.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 09:46 PM
5

As suggested. She can pay it off the vehicle using equity money. She won’t be able to be on your insurance. And you don’t want to be liable for paying her premiums. She needs a less expensive vehicle.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 05:03 PM
5

The child support is $20k post tax. That alone e seems to equalize your pay difference. The jeep payment is high and long. I wouldn’t bundle that in. I would simply say, remove the jeep payment and propose that uncontested. The car payment is way too high for either of your salaries. Get a cheaper vehicle.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/21 03:13 PM
3

At least they keep track of it. It will always be owed.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 09:25 PM
2

Sounds like you’re not ready to let go. Even after the divorce is final you wish to co to ie conflict. Move on. The sooner you do the sooner you heal. You’ll grow into a bitter old man holding on to conflict like that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 02:40 PM
5

Have the state garnish the child support on your behalf. Good job!
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 01:23 PM
6

Once you turn the kids into pawns, just upset means nothing. All boundaries have been broken. There isn’t much to build upon after that.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 07:53 AM
8

Filing for divorce is a step that protects you and your children. With a filing, you’ll get joint custody. Most courts default to 50/50. You can even propose a temporary parenting plan with your filing for divorce. Your wife will not be able to do what she wants. She’ll have to follow the plan the court puts in place. You’re not without leverage here. However, without filing for divorce, you’re automatically agreeing to whatever she’s doing. Filing is the only thing that can truly keep the balan…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 07:41 AM
2

kids want to go with me And what does your spouse say about that arrangement? What will your alimony obligation be?
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/21 07:20 PM
2

In WA, child support is calculated based on two things Income Number of overnights for each parent If both those are equal, the calculator spits out $0
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 06:25 PM
1

You both make the same income You both have 50% custody There would be no child support and no alimony in this scenario. You walk away from your kids, things start to shift.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/21 06:16 PM
2

Depends on your state. It varies a lot
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/21 04:44 AM
6

Totally makes sense. Hurt people hurt people. But we don’t want to hurt our kids. And that’s what would happen.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 09:54 PM
24

Not your monkeys, not your circus. You’re getting divorce. The affair carries no weight anyway. Kids are utmost importance. To them, she’s a mom. You trying to cast shame on their mom makes you a shitty dad. In short. Be a role model.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/21 09:11 PM
10

Never throw money at someone as a negotiation tactic. It doesn’t work. Just go with what is considered fair and equitable and leave it at that
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/21 12:17 AM
10

I would opt for one of two strategies: Ask the court for permission to take the kids to Europe and promise make up time for mom Stay home during the holidays.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/21 10:13 AM
4

You did great. Happy thanksgiving. You may choose to tell your kids that it’s ok to like mom’s new boyfriend, and that you’re ok with that. It doesn’t fall on our kids to care take our feelings, even tho they try. I wish my ex had a good boyfriend. I would embrace that. She’s too psycho to make any of them last. If my ex had someone stable that would benefit my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/21 03:56 AM
5

She tried…wasn’t successful. It’s a terrible idea.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/21 12:52 AM
1

That title is a misrepresentation of what happened and this post should be removed. It’s all captured on video. We don’t have to invent scenarios
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/21 01:38 AM
7

This will go down as self defense.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/21 12:48 AM
2

Right...you may need to register with the county for searching family cases. Many articles mention "text messages" with the word "whore", and those would certainly bring some evidence rather than just testimony. Hard to clarify for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/21 01:30 AM
0

Why don’t you find the actual opinion
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/21 03:28 AM
6

I stayed…for 19 years. If you can get out, do so but not without less than 50% custody. Your kids can greatly benefit from being in therapy. That will help them, and it will give them a voice when your wife’s mental health further degrades
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 10:17 PM
1

Software engineers are in demand. Plenty of stable and big tech companies give out decent packages with Restricted Stock Units as part of your compensation. This can significantly lift your annual earnings, as your base salary would still be $150k
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 06:41 PM
6

The judge will consider it a waste of time. (S)he’ll say that she signed the agreement and now she has to follow it. There has to be legal grounds for breaking an agreement or a significant change in circumstances. If she violates it, there isn’t anyone to enforce it. You can take her to court by filing for contempt. But you’ll have to do this 2-3 times before the judge orders any repercussions
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 03:31 PM
7

If the divorce decree has been signed by a judge, then she has an uphill battle. Specifically it the time period to get what she wants without court is as short as 6 months
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/21 02:46 PM
3

If all you’re doing is waiting for a trial, what are you using your attorney for? Fastest way to waste money is having your attorney talk to the other attorney. Settle it all in court.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/21 10:40 PM
2

Stay At Home Wife for 15 years doing what? You have a value system to work hard, and your work ethic is commendable. She went to school…and then never used her skills to contribute back…that’s opposite of you. What state are you in? That will determine length of alimony, and with no kids, you can generally negotiate to pay out a lump sum to get rid of it. There are many wonderful, hard working, ambitious and loving women out there. You deserve one of those! No one would question your choice of d…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/21 12:11 AM
1

And get divorced as soon as you can, because the method is not sustainable. It can cause depression in you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 11:43 PM
3

Gray rocking is slightly different than ignoring. Ignoring will cause more conflict. Gray rocking doesn’t escalate it, it just lets it die out
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 11:29 PM
4

Look up a strategy called “gray rocking” 🪨
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 11:29 PM
9

The only way you’ll lose any privileges is if you part take in any arguments… So my biggest lesson was STFU…Shut The Fuck Up Don’t engage. Ever. I got full custody of two girls now
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/21 11:00 PM
8

Are you considering the home to be marital property and will you be asking for money for your share? If no, then no. Don’t pay for it. If yes, you will be asking for money regards to this asset, you probably should show that you still consider it yours. If You’re still living in it, you should pay your share. They can ask the court back for it in this scenario
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/21 08:26 PM
11

Read the order and follow it. There will be a hearing where you can get it dismissed
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/21 09:37 PM
1

I understand. what I’m saying is that you couldn’t figure out her in 25 years (her need for secretive behaviors) so you’ll truly never know. She’s got her own insecurities, and some of those she didn’t share for 25 years. To think that she’ll share them now is not realistic. Your need for a why is very disconnected from what she’s able to give you
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/21 03:49 AM
4

It’s much more complex than that. 25 years is a long time. 20 years warrants lifetime alimony in some states. This won’t be an easy process, and you totally have the power to make it drag out and make it extremely painful for both of you. Best thing you can do is sit with your emotions for a few weeks. Make zero decisions while you do that. Then you can figure out how to handle the business transaction we call divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/21 03:43 AM
4

It’s a huge loss. That was your lifetime companion. When someone decides to divorce, that person has usually pondered the decision for months and often for years. You get blindsided, and you want to talk to reconcile By doing so, you’re not respecting their decision since your goal is to overturn it. And now, you’re struggling. Best thing you can do for both of you is to honor her request, make the separation as painless and quick as possible. This will set you on a healing path.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/21 03:33 AM
17

You’re speaking as if you are in control of her mental health, and as such her actions. You’re speaking as if your action will determine her well being. You’re not in control. to divorce or not divorce, if you don’t have kids, only involves you. The decision is based on what you want out of your life. If you do have kids, then you act in their best interest.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 02:41 AM
4

Alimony is calculated as how long were you married and I’m what state you’re getting divorced how much you’ll pay so, $45k difference would be $22.5k in alimony (gross) alimony is now net, so after your taxes are taken out. assuming 30% tax, your alimony obligation would be $15k you wish to give her $250k I’m equity. How long do you think you’ll pay alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 10:03 PM
6

55% is too much. and if covid happens, you still owe the money. the court will order a fix sum, and you should be asking for a reasonable sum.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 10:11 PM
2

our judge would have taken 3 years of tax returns and calculated the average to use as a basis.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 08:28 PM
2

Thanks for engaging. If we shift focus away from the marriage, what do you envision your life to be post divorce? The post itself sounds like life is melancholy. Would that go away after being divorced?
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 06:39 PM
2

Depends on what anger issues means. Is it benign or a huge problem?
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/21 06:21 PM
6

I got one of those. ignored most of the questions: I wasn’t going to sift through 80’pages of useless questions. Instead, I put together an excel sheet of all accounts and assets. for each account I provided the most recent statement. nothing else
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/21 04:02 AM
3

https://dewittlaw.com/orlando-alimony-lawyer/alimony-calculator/ seems pretty handy.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 04:11 PM
4

Yes, you will get both alimony and child support. How much and for how long depends on the state you reside in
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 04:07 PM
4

amen brother!
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/21 05:36 AM
14

$10k is inexpensive to let it all go… calculate how much you’ll spend fighting over it
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/21 04:09 AM
1

I’m on the Reddit platform. I prefer this one over others. Maybe tell the dudes on bigo to come here 😉
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/21 11:08 PM
2

if you’re asking if lifetime is an option…how has your lawyer set your expectations?
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/21 09:08 PM
6

I’ve never heard of lifetime alimony after 7 years…unless you are the cause of her disability. 2 years max where I’m from. If your lawyer tells you it’s a waiting game without setting realistic expectations then you need to educate yourself on your state’s and county’s precedents.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/21 09:00 PM
2

Yay!!!
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/21 07:17 PM
5

never heard about such fine granularity. sounds like a waste of time
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/21 02:32 AM
3

The vesting schedule is calculated as future earnings, just like a bonus. In my case, I left it out because it was future earnings and conditional. My ex didn’t fight me on that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 10:35 PM
2

$200k, probably want to get a lawyer if you want to avoid life time alimony
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 09:13 PM
13

Yes, she will attempt to use it against you. This is common. The burden on proof is on her. When the order gets dismissed you can use it against her and request a psych eval. No healthy person behaves that way.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/21 05:31 AM
2

$1000 vs $800 for what 2 years? do you even care? you’re going to drag this out over $5000? seems petty. file and get it over with. $5000 gets you nothing if you hire a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/21 10:08 PM
3

if you don’t have kids move anywhere you want. Having spent 10 years in Colorado, it was awesome. nothing beats it. I live in WA, more rain and higher prices.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/21 11:12 PM
4

Divorce is right you have. You don’t need her consent or cooperation
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/21 07:20 AM
7

File for divorce in the US. the filing will give you legal protection if she decides to bail, because the kids will be covered under US jurisdiction. If you don’t file, she can take the kids and claim you consented to it The divorce filing is there to protect you. doesn’t mean you have to get divorced instantly, you can linger for years with just a filing.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/21 06:43 PM
2

Easy…is one way to describe it Women have to sift through so much garbage before there is a worthwhile human to meet.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 07:14 PM
3

Good job!!!
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/21 07:50 PM
3

this is a short marriage. no one will force her to work of course. but a 4 year marriage…there isn’t more than max one year alimony award. that’s nothing
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/21 05:47 AM
3

The wife and child are still in FL so almost guaranteed that FL is your jurisdiction and not MS or KS. Any legal matters would then be handled by the county court in FL. I don’t see you getting primary custody unless there are some pretty extreme circumstances. You, yourself, has assigned your wife as the primary care giver and the courts would not want to change that. Doesn’t matter who files. She can file even if you don’t agree.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 09:40 PM
1

that’s why I made a reference to my friend, who’s wife is an alcoholic… it will get worse and kids will be miserable
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 05:52 PM
2

you know the answer…you have to build up the courage and overcome your own fears that keep you stuck
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 05:15 PM
3

gray rocking is the technique you’re employing. it works…for short periods of time, and will eventually cause depression. I don’t know what to say for you to spring to action and take charge of your happiness. That’s on you What I can tell you, is that I have a close friend who’s situation was exactly like yours….he stayed…for 10 years!! When he finally filed he was a shell of his former self. Even the kids had started to resent him, blaming him for staying in that toxic environment that affecte…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 04:17 PM
29

4.5 years is considered a short marriage. File immediately the longer you i wait the more it will cost you. So if cost is a worry, time is of a essence Why do you think you would have to pay her $80,000? She’s an adult she’ll be ordered to work and make her own money
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 03:58 PM
5

and you had ZERO success when you engaged. So why continue if you’re failing? Wouldn’t the logical thing be to change strategy when what you’re doing doesn’t work?
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 05:42 PM
4

oh dude, you keep getting sucked into it. her entire goal is to draw you into conflict, that’s her comfort zone of existence. you joining her there makes her feel less alone and more validated. You need to figure out how to detach from this: I was married 18 years to one just like it. Ps. look up “gray rocking”, there are many books on how to deal with this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 04:54 PM
1

At least you’re not afraid of failure and bounce back. That’s something to consider a strength. You can use that yo your advantage. Some of us grew up in chaos, violence and abuse. That’s all we ever knew. I’m in a stable relationship for the first time, I’ve been in that relationships or 2 years….without blowing it up. At one point my partner made a comment: Your life is always chaos I unpacked that one, and she was right. If there wasn’t enough chaos I invited it in. So I was always busy fight…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 09:43 PM
2

She’s on the hook as a co-signer regardless of divorce outcome. Co signing is a big leap of trust and it sounds like an opportunity to OP I agree with the comment. It’s the wording that throws me off. I just finalized my divorce and I’m allergic to entitlements. The system is fucked up and just because you can game the system doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the morally healthy thing to do.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 03:45 PM
-8

dude, pay off your own fucking loan. on this reddit we’re bitching because we’re getting fucked over, we’re not scheming to fuck others over. two wrongs don’t make a right.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 05:39 AM
11

That sounds about right for an emergency hearing of getting your kid back. Had a Writ de Habeas Corpus (law enforcement engaged to get a child back) and it cost $17k. It’s a truly awful system
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 12:42 AM
9

you want primary custody because she has a boyfriend? no one wins. and you’re dragging the entire family down a path of hostility. I’d say do 50/50, and move on. her having a boyfriend doesn’t make her bad mother. and you want to make her a bad mother because of your own anger for your kids sake, you should rethink your strategy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/21 09:16 PM
28

Email only. No text, no calls. Write the email in a text editor, wait four hours before you send it
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/21 06:23 PM
14

If you’re an asshole when you’re angry, don’t communicate Next step is to learn to be angry without being an asshole. Those two don’t need to go hand in hand. Third step, understand conflict can exist without triggering disabling emotions. (emotions that make it difficult to function) After that you’ll be able to communicate just fine with anyone even when there is conflict. A lot of the triggered emotions are deep seated and stem from our childhood. recognizing and unpacking that can be helpful…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/21 06:22 PM
11

I agree with this. wtf does kicked out mean? until you’re divorced you have as much right to stay there as she does. I’d never leave my kids…not sure it’s in the best interest for your child to have you move out either.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/21 05:50 PM
18

$5k is not worth haggling over if you’re making more money. If you don’t have to fight over money, then just dont a lawyer will burn through $5k in a heart beat. I’m in a high conflict divorce, that’s been going on for 2.5 years and wasted $200k If you can have an amicable split and healthy coparenting, that’s what you need. Be smart for your kid!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 04:32 PM
13

You need to file for divorce in Monday before she takes the kids. This will give you the legal protection if she makes any moves do that first. everything else can be sorted out later. In most states, filing for divorce gives your joint custody right away. This means if she took the kids and didn’t return them the law would be on your side
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/21 03:25 PM
7

My situation is a fairly similar shit show. basically mediation is worthless. (caveat: i don’t have a special needs child) you’re looking for some authority to help you make decisions…stop looking. it will never happen. no one on the judicial system except a judge will actually make a decision. I just spent $20k on a court ordered reunification weekend and achieved nothing. it’s a farce. your stbx, just like mine, is deranged. that means they will never agree to anything. you should skip mediati…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/21 02:26 AM
1

It’s a fresh start, and this time you have a bigger say in the direction your life takes
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/21 10:42 PM
1

I don’t. It would be helpful for you of envisioning that you’re leaving for something better. There will be mourning, that’s natural. But it sounds like you’re worried your current depressed state will continue and never get better. That you can resolve with therapy if you seek help, or try to engage in the community around you. We’re pack animals. You can get all that from a romantic partner
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/21 10:09 PM
3

ok, the state charges will be dropped. you should pursue what’s called a DVPO (Domestic Violence Protection Order) in civil court. The state won’t uphold the charges if she pleaded not guilty. state prosecutors are too busy with bigger fish
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/21 11:51 PM
5

You filed for a protection order in civil court right? (not to be confused with dv charges in criminal court by the state) You will need to attend the court hearing. Be well prepared You need your own testimony (declaration) Make sure you include the police report testimonies from friends and neighbors can be helpful too If you can afford it, a lawyer can help make sure all documents get submitted in the correct format. You don’t want the hearing to be a he said, she said pissing contest.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/21 05:47 PM
11

You’re lucky short term marriage no kids no assets I was married 18 years, two kids, stay at home spouse. a fucken mess to split but I did it. My advice to you: split sooner rather than later Life shouldn’t be about arguments.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/21 05:30 PM
3

Incidents like that will definitely be used against him if there is a custody battle.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/21 05:08 AM
2

I hear you. We want to make the world black and white, good and bad. But it isn’t. We’re all kinds of grey. In this case, it may have seemed smart to let them know how hurtful their mom can be. But she hasn’t hurt them. She hasn’t done anything to be less of a mom. I’m so sorry for the betrayal you’re experiencing. No one should have to experience that. This isn’t about you not lying to them. This is about you protecting their innocence and their attachment to the mother. They need a secure atta…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/21 02:12 PM
12

You don’t tell the kids. To them she is a mother and will always be. Don’t make your kids part of the issue you have with your spouse. Sharing your hurt will not make it go away.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/21 01:24 PM
2

I think you may be overstating the impermissible benefits card. maybe that will result in the wife being asked to get a new lawyer…that’s about it is my guess. ie, rather than wasting time on mediation and negotiation just take it to trial and let the judge decide.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/21 03:36 PM
3

I like this analogy
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/21 09:56 PM
1

Inheritance won’t change a thing. Not a bargaining chip. If you were receiving inheritance should you then pay more alimony? nah, of course not.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 04:25 PM
13

It’s your negotiations that are dragging on. You could have brought it to trial a long time ago and have everything settled there. You still have to option to simply move everything to trial. My divorce dragged on, just like yours, cause I thought we’d be able to agree eventually. I was wrong. Just toss everything in front of a judge and be done with it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 06:44 PM
3

No.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 06:21 AM
3

I spent 20 years with a cluster B. It took me 30 months to divorce her. Two weeks ago it was finally done. Best of luck to you
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/21 12:51 AM
3

Have you filed for divorce yet? That’s a simple form that starts the process and doesn’t require you to make any immediate changes. You can then sit down, breath and figure out steps 2,3,4,…. One step at a time. File, don’t move out, no other knee jerk reactions, and you are on a path to a better life. File, that’s your next steps
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 12:30 AM
2

also a book called “Splitting: protecting yourself while divorcing someone with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder”
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 07:19 PM
4

best advice I’ve since seen
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 04:29 PM
3

Accepting less custody sets a precedence but it’s not a death sentence Bypass her lawyer and mediator stating you two can’t agree and just file your own parenting plan with the court. This parenting plan should include one of two interventions typically ordered by the court when there is a desire to change parenting time allotment Bilateral parent evaluation Reunification Meaning, you’re telling the court that you recognize that there is 65/35 now, and this is your path to 50/50 If you do the bi…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/21 10:51 PM
7

Couple of things: You should have filed, and with that filing submitted a parenting plan. That and how the serving took place is now water under the bridge. Don’t let that muddle your thinking. Your next step is to figure out what the temporary parenting plan is. Many states simply implements joint custody if someone filed and doesn’t specify a plan. If this is the case, you need to start asking for the kids in writing - so that you get at least 50% If she denies your requests and you can prove …
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/21 08:53 PM
4

then sell
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/21 05:52 AM
7

and always remain calm and respectful when interacting with cops. if they threaten arrest, ask exactly what crime you’re being arrested for, and make sure you speak in front of their body cams. I know of a gentleman in Texas filing a civil lawsuit against the city for an improper arrest. and he is subpoena for the body cam footage in that process. The case is not complete yet, so I don’t know how successful it will be.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/21 10:58 PM
21

Let her keep calling the cops. The legal term for this is abusive use of conflict, and it will work against her in the custody case. My ex lost all her custody for behaving exactly this
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/21 10:35 PM
1

If it is not contested (as you say) then the papers will be signed quickly. meaning, the same rule applies, do not move out until the dotted line is signed and the ink has dried
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/21 09:58 PM
2

oh, I didn’t dismiss it. My wife was raped at 13, and I believe she stopped mentally aging at that point. It is still a mental illness. I’m just saying that it is unfair to healthy children to compare mentally ill adults to them.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/21 03:36 AM
10

To compare my ex to my children would be unfair. Even at a young age my children had more commons sense and emotional regulation than she will ever have. It’s a mental illness. they’re not children, they’re ill. that’s how I look at it. I have full custody now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/21 02:26 AM
4

yes, god warned us. god then made the snake forever crawl on its belly in dirt as punishment and then (s)he made us inbreeders and now we’re 7 billion people with emotional issues. what was the snake doing before it was made to crawl on its belly? 🐍
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/21 01:18 AM
5

well, the bible already told you the woman is conniving, so according to faith you shouldn’t be surprised. something about a snake that told her to eat the apple and then she told you to eat the apple. I’m never eating apples again. This shit made a believer out of me
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/21 01:08 AM
3

I guess there are other options. You can relocate your entire family to Washington. Use the bay area cost as the reason. Live here for a year to establish legal residency and then get divorced here. You’re looking at 4 years spousal support, and she takes 55% of the assets.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/21 01:04 AM
2

I was frequenting r/bpdlovedones the whole time. we are not alone 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 10:34 PM
5

I love your username. 28 months and my divorce should be final this month. that’s how long she was able to drag it out
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 09:49 PM
13

ooh, this is going to be messy. file for divorce (immediately) With your filing, propose a temporary parenting plan… the judge will approve it, and voila, the law is on your side. Do not follow the advice of just taking him. that will get nasty fast.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 08:59 PM
5

In my state, cost of insurance is used on the support calculator $-238 means she pays you. breastfeeding is good, if it’s all all possible
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 12:08 AM
6

What state are you in? filing typically gives the couple joint custody so that one parent can’t withhold the child. my friend had to do a Writ Habeas Corpus, that’s when the sheriff picks up the kid for you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/21 09:08 PM
9

Do not move out until you have a signed parenting plan.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/21 03:25 AM
1

No, you cannot stop paying. Schedule the god damn trial at the trial (or in the decree if you settle earlier) you ask to be reimbursed out of her share for her expenses. that’s the only way you’re gonna get it back. if you start financially abusing her, it will cost you dearly
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 09:42 PM
1

TL;DR; answer is: schedule a trial I’ve been divorcing for two years because I tried negotiating over the kitchen table and the lawyers desk. I’m here to tell you that neither methods worked for me with the second one being well over $150,000 in fees. the proper way is to schedule a trial as soon as possible. you can attempt negotiations all the way up to the trial date. but at least you know that anything unresolved will be completed by the trial date. if you try to negotiate first,and wait to …
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 08:27 PM
4

No there isn’t. But the sex was amazing. I had 18 years of it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/21 06:35 PM
1

you need to let her go. which is different from cutting the ties. you should be able to have a relationship with her as a human, not your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/21 03:02 AM
2

Welcome. Many of us had incompatible spouses. But don’t give your spouse power over your life. You are still in control and the decisions are still yours.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/21 06:46 PM
3

Sounds like a codependent “want”. No, after the divorce it no longer was your dog. If your wife kept a car after the divorce and it needed repairs, would you want to pay for those too?
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/21 05:37 AM
1

Sorry you’re going through this. I’m going through something similar. You may get temp full custody, and if you’re lucky she’ll concede and just walk away...and that leading to your custody becoming permanent However, she doesn’t have to relinquish custody if she can show the court that she is willing to improve. and if she does, the court will grant it back. after all, parenting is a constitutional right
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/20 05:07 PM
2

Have you filed in court yet? If you have filed, what date did you file? Is there a waiting period in NY? Is NY an at-fault state? It is highly unlikely to impact your custody. Parenting is a constitutional right, and can not be easily taken away. Will it be used against you i. court? Of course. So make smart choices.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/20 07:06 PM
2

Time. You can speed it up some via journaling and therapy, but in the end, what you need is time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/20 10:48 PM
1

judges love status quo. if you’ve been doing 50/50 for 5 months it’s very hard for your wife to come back and say that’s not good for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/20 12:13 AM
13

You get a lawyer. That lawyer will file for divorce on your half. With that filing the lawyer will request another order that will order your wife to return the kids to your home state. If you don’t do this, she will establish residency in the other state, and file there. You will then have to fight the legal battle in the state she moved to. So, in this case, you need to get off the pity wagon, and start acting like you fight for the kids, at least until the kids have been returned to you. You …
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/20 12:49 AM
-1

Doesn’t matter. One of my kids starting to call me by first name. When I asked her why, she said all the other kids (we have a blended family now) call me by name I don’t need my kids to validate my status. if they wish to use my name, so be it. they are amazing kids, it’s a non issue for me
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/20 03:36 AM
1

File a complaint with the bar association. (I believe that’s what you have the right to do)
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/20 03:59 AM
1

I’m sorry you married crazy. I did too. remember, when her lawyer sends you a message, read it, note it and DO NOT REPLY. Don’t spend any money on exchanges lawyer to lawyer. If they have an issue, let them bring it to court and you handler it there. Eventually the judge will see through it all and more rulings will at in your favor. I learned the hard way that having one lawyer communicate with the other in order to achieve anything is only a waste of time. They are not like realtors. Realtors …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/20 04:59 AM
1

Father should request 70/30 in his favor. Likely that judge will meet both of you in the middle, and the end result is 50/50 Most of it depends on the age of the kids. a bit older and 50/50 is more likely
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/20 03:48 AM
2

You should be able to do this on your own, or find a paralegal to help you fill out the paperwork on your own. No lawyer needed. The process will depend on the state where you are resident and will file
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/20 09:52 PM
0

I’ve read through your posts, and it doesn’t sound like your ex is an awful person. It does sound like you find a way to trigger your emotions. Like your comfort zone is when your emotions are ignited. You can definitely benefit from therapy and also mindfulness exercises. You seem to be the one creating scenarios that don’t really exist in the eyes of others, including your child and their mother. Feel free to PM me, and I’ll happily create a sounding board and a mirror to reflect on your own t…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 04:17 AM
1

Yes. I am saying to stop it. Your son/daughter will judge you by your actions. In this case, if the mother’s behavior, which you have described as fairly normal and benign, aggravates you, that’s something you can figure out in individual therapy. It really works, I do it weekly. Show your child that you can rise above the occasion instead of considering charges and police threats (neither which will work)
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 03:41 AM
0

Your line of thinking is pretty far outside the lines of a healthy perspective. We all have our reference points, and yours don’t quite align with the norm of high functioning adults. You refer to your son or daughter as the child almost objectifying her/him. Your request and desire doesn’t take anybody else but yourself into consideration. Try to reframe the entire scenario from the perspective of your son/daughter. Are they happy? if they are, then don’t try to create new interventions to chan…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 03:20 AM
2

You won’t be able to charge her with trespassing. You are way over thinking this. While I’m not a lawyer, I doubt any judge would listen to the justifications you offer. If your child doesn’t hug you, that’s a conversation you have with your child prior to drop off.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 02:56 AM
2

fer fuck sake, why would you do that to your kid? treat her like an amazon parcel? walk her up to the door, give her a big hug and kiss and watch her walk into her mothers place. wish her an amazing stay while she is looking back at you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 02:44 AM
3

Good job on holding your own and standing up for your kids. It will do them good. I’m in a similar situation minus the TRO’s. She lied to health providers, got one of my kids put on psych meds. so fucked up. they are with me full time now. it’s hard as fuck, and she receives alimony and doesn’t work. but my kids will be better for it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 11:39 PM
2

She can move out, the kids don’t have to.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/20 09:38 PM
1

If I didn’t trust my spouse to the point where I needed a PI, that marriage is already dead. and it’s because of one of two reasons I’m fucked up in the head (paranoid) She’s fucked up in the head (cheating) In either case, one or both of you need help. and without that help, the marriage will fail. A Private Investigator cannot provide that help to either of us, so why hire her/him. Pointless.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/20 07:26 PM
1

good advice here. always take the high road. it’s not an event, it’s a journey. a long sucky ass journey
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/20 08:52 PM
2

$80k sounds like a fair deal to me. I calculated $174k of equity in the house. (that’s $350k sale price minus 6% realtor fees to sell it) After 25 years there may be other assets. ie, can you offer $80k from somewhere else? like an ira or 401k?
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/20 11:02 PM
5

why would she get more than 50%? Don’t accept anything less than 50%
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/20 01:06 AM
2

Your emotional suffering is separate from the legal proceedings. It may be easier to wrap your mind around it if you don’t define it as my money By Washington law, once you’re married, it’s community property. Meaning, it was never your money, it always belonged to the two of you. So having angst over your money that never was yours alone is a bit of a waste of time. What you should focus on is Getting it done, she’s probably motivated too Spousal Support (alimony) - this is very vague in WA. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 06:23 PM
1

Don’t go down that path. If she suspects you’re trying to hide assets, all she has to do is get a lawyer, who can motion with the courts and now you’ll be spending your own money searching for your money, and they will be found. Anything that was gained during the marriage is community property (WA). Just focus on getting the divorce finalized rather than prolonging the process.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 05:52 PM
1

In some states you can request a spending report. But that varies, and then you’d have to check to see if there is a recourse if the ex fails to show that the cs money indeed is spent on the kids welfare. may or may not be worth your time
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 07:46 PM
1

don’t hate on the player, hate on the game :) it’s a total cash grab. the root of the problem is still us. we decided to marry and have kids with crazy and greedy women. a decision I will regret for the rest of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 07:44 PM
1

Correct, that is the point of CS Let’s say you make $100 and I make $200. If I pay you $50 in CS, we both be expected to spend the same amount on the kids as we both now have those means. Paying CS means you enable the other person to carry some child expenses. Paying my CS is not a get out of jail card to avoid paying child expenses. That’s why most states have a calculator that helps come up with this amount.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 06:13 PM
1

You pay it and move on with your life. The more we squabble the less joy we get out of life. Child support typically evens out the two incomes. So it is shared responsibility, meaning, you paying child support doesn’t free you up from paying an equal share of your kids’ needs.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 04:37 PM
1

Don’t sign it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 01:30 AM
1

I’m not sure you need to fire your lawyer. There are absolutely zero reasons for why your lawyer needs to work with the other lawyer. they don’t. File in court, and push forward leaning on the judicial system.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/20 01:56 AM
1

It does begin. She will want to settle eventually. She’ll anchor her offer real low for you at first. That’s so that when you do settle you feel that a shitty deal is a good deal when you compare it to the initial offer. Don’t fall for it. Look at what’s fair and stick with it. Don’t budge. It’s gonna get expensive. Stupid expensive. We’re doing this right now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/20 07:09 AM
1

Look at the corporate structure. I retained a law firm with many lawyers. In that firm you don’t climb the ranks by silly schemes to increase billing hours. You do it but resolving and winning cases. You get a sole business owner, that person has two interests, making ends meet and represent you. those two don’t always go hand in hand.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/20 11:48 PM
1

The online dating scene has become a numbers game. People going out with four different people just to see if one sticks. There is very little time for relationships to grow organically.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/20 04:25 PM
2

it’s a fucken nightmare to be honest. I’m going through a divorce as we speak. even the simplest things become difficult. I’m a super patient person, and I stay away from conflict. it’s not an easy journey, but I believe it is worth it. imagine living the rest of your life trapped by someone else’s emotional chaos
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/19 06:46 PM
1

yup, mine seemed fine in her 20’s. there were some red flags, but I wasn’t skilled enough to read them. mine X’s became worse and worse. she can contradict herself in the same sentence as her emotions override her cognitive abilities. she’s in her 40’s now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/19 12:47 AM
2

r/bpdlovedones is a good forum. arguments and chaos is her “safe space” it’s an environment she feels in control in, therefor she will actively seek it out. you won’t be able to make sense of it, or rationalize it. it wouldn’t be called a disorder if you could. and getting out is the only solution. but even that will be extremely difficult
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/19 11:30 PM
2

Not if the order is after Jan 1, 2019 (If I understand it correctly, it’s a very recent change)
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/19 11:28 PM
3

What if The payor of CS is in the 40% tax bracket The recipient is in the 15% bracket If CS was tax deductible for the payor and taxable for the recipient, the IRS would lose money. On a $20,000/year CS Order The payor today pays $8,000 in taxes. If CS was a pre tax event, the recipient would only pay $3,000 The IRS stands to lose $5,000 in this very simple scenario.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/19 11:14 PM
1

Document, document, document so you can start building a case. withholding access is often not looked upon kindly. As for shipping to walmart, you can’t expect your X to run errands for you unless she’s agreed to it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/19 01:34 PM
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