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One4All992 Archive

View 11 posts and 122 comments by One4All992 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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7

Make it quick and swift. The Rose colored glasses are on right now. Get it done before they fall off of her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 09:05 PM
1

Have zero expectations. I don't use the apps really not my thing. I don't even refer to it as dating. Just hanging out or having fun. I've been ghosted, I've been told the usual you're such a great guy but...., another one I found out she was going through a divorce so I told her don't contact me until it's finalized. I know the kind of woman I want. I definitely still have my guard up and probably am more aware of certain things they say or do that I would deem a character flaw. I'd focus on yo…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 05:18 AM
6

Yeah, it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either. 10/10 wouldn't do it again. However, I think it does make the transition for the kids a bit easier. Ours was a 2 year process. Separated, she moved out, "tried" to make it work, and decided to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 04:48 AM
6

I think it's easier to forget about them. Everyone's situation is different though. I can't stress this enough though, the SOONER you just focus on yourself and the child the better life gets. From time to time she'll pop in my head, but it's not in a, I miss her type of way, it's a I'm grateful I'm not with her anymore. You don't see it now, but I promise as the days, weeks, and months go by it gets a lot better.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 04:56 PM
3

Melatonin helped me get through the tougher 3 months of divorce. Just make sure you're getting at least 6 hours of sleep on it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 04:35 PM
11

Not a chance I keep it amicable, but I made it clear from the jump we'll never be friends and I want zero contact or communication unless it's regarding the kids. No way I can be friends with someone I can't trust.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 10:43 PM
11

That's insane! Should have responded with, "I left you cause you sucked off the principle." Then when she replied, "That's not true." Your response should have been, "I guess that makes us both liars."
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 04:37 AM
4

Doesn't matter anymore nor do I care.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 03:43 AM
17

No joke I kept a journal the last year I was with her because she made me feel like I was going insane. Conversations were consistently twisted. Even in therapy I told the therapist we're having two very different conversations or remembering how they happened. The ex even agreed. When I finally exposed her during one of our last heated conversations she had a complete meltdown. I stayed calm and collective and I simply read to her what exactly was said. The worst part is I could never tell if s…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 03:40 AM
7

I might one day lol
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 03:34 AM
9

That's a lesson in life he'll have to learn. I honestly hope it does all work out for them.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 03:31 AM
6

Yup nothing I can do though. It's sad when your own child sees how wrong it is, but a grown ass adult sees no issue because, "my happiness" matters too. Just irresponsible and selfish. None of it matters anymore but it still boggles my mind how when we were separated she would gloat about how she realized she can do it on her own. Yet I was still in the picture and all she did was monkey branch to her next victim. But it is what it is. I wish them luck just take care of my kids when you have the…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 03:28 AM
4

No alimony or child support. I was also just finishing up my degree and only working part time and also an internship.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 02:58 AM
11

It is weird, but I took the separation harder. Once I figured out she was lying about seeing someone else I no longer cared. I'm still waiting the full year before I start dating just because you never know with emotions something so simple could be a trigger to memories. Plus for my kids sake I don't need to be introducing anyone new in their life. Honestly, what helped me is looking at it as the woman I married died, she no longer exists, and maybe she never did. I have three kids with a woman…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 02:57 AM
4

That's why I used quotations with officially. I knew something was up last Summer already, but "we" were trying to work it out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 02:48 AM
9

She has a problem with being wrong, admitted this in therapy. Also twisting situations and tells you how you meant something when it's actually just the way she wanted to perceive it so that you'd have to apologize. Weaponizing sex. Lying. Not understanding the difference between facts and feelings. Disrespectful. Never showed appreciation. I literally dropped my career so she could go after hers while I figured out what to do with the kids. I ended up going back to school full time, working a p…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 02:47 AM
14

My oldest is still weirded out that mommy moved on so quickly and asked me why I haven't found someone. I just tell them they'll figure it all out when they're older and some things just don't work out the way you expect them to.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 02:24 AM
3

She did. You could also look at my previous posts. It's been a two plus year saga. I'm just grateful to be where I'm at in life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 02:22 AM
4

It's a crazy thing too because, at least for me, I didn't realize it until I was finally on my own. The peace that I feel, the amount of happiness I've experienced since divorce is far greater than the last 4 years of our marriage, minus the birth of two of my kids. I don't necessarily blame her for all of it, but I do believe she was a big factor.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 02:00 AM
5

My kids are the #1 thing I worry about. I have no control over what happens. I just have to trust she's doing her part, which I think she is. My oldest would definitely say something to me if something wasn't right.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 01:55 AM
6

That's awful you went through that. I don't think she slanders me anymore. But I can almost guarantee you while the divorce was processing she for sure dragged my name through mud. I no longer associate with anyone that was a part of that life; "friends" wise. I will never understand why a woman feels the need to talk to everyone else about their marriage BUT the other person who is in the marriage. The flipside to that is I will never understand anyone on the receiving end who doesn't respond w…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 01:49 AM
5

No doubt. But he's probably still too blinded by the physical aspect of their relationship and she'll probably go deeper into the web to cover this encounter up. He has no clue yet but eventually she's going to suck his joy and energy out of him. That's why I wanted to thank him.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 01:35 AM
3

Usually if you can prove at least 3 months of rent and explain your situation they will rent to you. My credit score wasn't great while going through the process. I got lucky I looked at 3 or 4 different places and only applied to the one I really wanted and was approved based on references and proof of funds.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 09:02 PM
2

You will brother you just really need to focus on yourself right now. There is some good advice on this sub from years past. There are definitely stages to this. Take it day by day, stay present. When the mind wonders it tends to take one to a dark place.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:38 AM
1

You're being blinded by all the good. Don't make the same mistake twice. I'm not saying all women are the same but wake up man. Slow down. Date slow and end it fast if necessary. You're currently doing it backwards.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 12:34 AM
3

In a sense you are mourning the loss/death of your marriage. It's dead. For me the separation was far more difficult than the divorce. I cried damn near every night for a month. I cried in the shower. On my way home from work. Any place where my kids wouldn't see me crying, weak, and vulnerable. It does pass. I've been divorced for 6 months now, every once in awhile I think why? But at the end of the day it doesn't matter. It's done and over with. I have peace that I haven't had in a very long t…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 05:24 PM
5

Worked? No. Two different counselors, same outcome. She didn't like the first one, she was also female, because she didn't take her side. She didn't like the 2nd one because he was also my counselor, and didn't take either side. After the divorce was finalized I went back to see him and he was like now that it's official I can say this, he said she displayed narcissistic traits. He said I can't diagnose her because I didn't see her one on one but during our couples sessions he said there were ve…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 08:03 PM
3

🤣😂🤣 Nooooo hahaha
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 06:41 PM
7

Not even remotely interested in dating, but from my experience when I've gone out with friends and started chatting or over hearing what females have to say, my first thought is this is pushing me further away from dating. Literally, 2 weeks ago I went out for NFL Sunday and this girl started talking to me. 10 minutes goes by and this dude introduces himself to me and I think wow that's really odd. Then he sits down next to her and I go oh are you guys dating? He says yes and she says well I don…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 06:29 PM
4

I'm still up in the air. I won't use apps, I've gone out a few times and all I have to say is wow to that. I also have an 8,4, & 3 year old I'm just not sure it's worth the risk I'd rather keep the peace that I have then try and find someone. If a unicorn comes along the way, great. Otherwise I'm just going to keep the status quo.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 01:31 AM
2

Few questions for you. Have you been married? If so why? Your statement would indicate there is no point to marriage then. From a dating sense sure I can understand, but once you marry YOU and SIGNIFICANT OTHER are COMMITTING to each other for the rest of your life. That's literally the point of marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 03:48 PM
10

This was one of many lines I heard during my two year saga. It's a high they'll forever chase. I'll most likely always stay guarded now and never let another soul get closer than an arms length away. Who knows though. I will say this although things didn't go how I may have wanted. She did me a favor. I'm at peace more than I ever have before, I have more money, and I'm reconnecting with people I haven't seen in a long time. The positives stack up as time goes on.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 03:32 PM
0

I don't think you'll find the "right" answer. Morally, I'd wait until after divorce, but each situation is different. I've only been divorced since April, no dates, but I've gone out a few times with friends and each time reaffirms why I'd rather be alone.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 06:17 PM
3

Thank you! Yeah, I feel pretty great it was a long saga. I just had a great weekend with my kids took them to their first NFL preseason game and went cave exploring the day after. Couldn't help but think on the ride home how the ex would have tried to helicopter over the kids and had "anxiety" the whole time. Yes, I do believe it's going to end in flames right now she's in the phase of "gifting" him. Guy literally has no clue what's happening but it literally reminds me of how it started in the …
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 06:41 PM
7

"It is what it is." Does it suck? Yes. Can you do anything about it? No. Then you have no choice but to accept it for what it is. You don't have to like it, but you have to accept it. I've only been divorced since April, ex got in a relationship 2 weeks after the ink dried, introduced kids before that, and now he's moving in with her. It's completely inappropriate, but there is nothing I can do. I just pray every night that my kids are protected and safe. I can only control myself, what I think,…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 06:22 PM
2

LOL not at all. I find it humorous myself. I'm at peace with it all.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 07:53 PM
3

Wow. I didn't even mention the love bombing in the beginning. What page of the book is it on when they get in a relationship 2 weeks after the divorce and moving in with her new victim in a few months? 😂
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 07:32 PM
6

Is there a playbook that us men don't know about? Literally, the same thing for me. The first and 2nd one were huge. What was actually said vs. what she perceived was said or however she interpreted it would drive me to the point where I thought I was going crazy. It got so bad that I would start writing notes down and/or going back over it in my head so that I could remember for the next time it inevitably got brought to the fore front again. It got so bad that I would in detail explain where I…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 07:05 PM
8

Yes! 100% agree with this! We "reconciled", think she was just going through the motions and to say she "tried". Then about 4 or 5 months into that "we" decided to divorce. Now, being just over 3 months divorced it's literally a breath of fresh air, I feel so much peace, my life doesn't feel this constant drag or pull. I didn't realize how bad or toxic it all was until about a month into being officially divorced. Now, she's got her boyfriend and they plan on moving in, in a few months. I feel n…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 09:06 PM
4

Lot of good points and views on this post. Personally, it felt like a switch I thought my ex was joking when she said she wanted to separate and potentially divorce. I literally remember laughing like, "haha yeah okay real funny!" Literally two weeks after my bday and her not giving any subtleties or hints. Said she's been thinking about it for months. I was in total shock 🫨 In the end though I'm glad it all worked out the way it was supposed too. I'm still not sure if I'll ever marry again. Hon…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 07:00 PM
4

Here's the thing about the kind of women we married-- They are mentally and emotionally irresponsible. I divorced in April, ex had a new boyfriend before the ink dried and she just told me they plan on moving in, in a few months. My 8 year old sees how irresponsible it is to do what she's doing. Yet a 30 something year old grown up can't comprehend why or what is wrong with that? Advice: it is what it is. Nothing can be done about it. It's her issue not yours. All you can do is be the best fathe…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/24 03:25 PM
23

The thought of willingly allowing someone the power to crush my heart and take half of everything just isn't on my docket anytime soon or in the future. I'm not even willing to entertain the idea of a relationship right now. Now, with that being said I'm in a good place with my life and the amount of peace I have right now is indescribable. It would have to take an act of God to make me consider getting married ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:32 AM
2

Not at all brother. I desperately wanted to make it work out, but as the months went by I realized that this is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I honestly haven't felt this much peace in so long. I still have days here and there where I'm just having an off day, but I constantly remind myself to get to the core of why I feel a certain type of way because I don't want to end up in the dark place I was over 2 years ago. I also say it's a curse because I never imagined raising my childre…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 12:38 AM
2

Much appreciated. It's only been a month since we've officially divorced, overall it's been a two year saga of separation, then trying again, and then deciding it's over. Looking back I realized she was going through the motions and I'm grateful for how it all turned out in the end. My relationship with God has grown, I'm improving on myself, and I keep my focus on the kids when I have them. Really the most difficult part of it all is not being around my kids all the time, but I'm learning to fi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 04:49 PM
2

Honestly, I haven't felt this much peace in my life in a long while.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/24 03:54 PM
2

Not everyone's experience is going to be the same. We separated, tried reconciliation and it didn't work. If anything the separation helped me immensely. Once I asked her if she wanted a divorce the only thing I had to get over was the fact she was just being dishonest about things. I'm only about a month into being officially divorced, it's been a 2 year saga overall. I haven't felt this much peace in soooooo long. I also have three young kids and my time with them is better as well.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/24 10:52 PM
3

You don't control hate. You let that shit go. Whenever I started feeling hate towards my ex I would sit in that feeling and just go deeper with it asking myself questions what is it that I really hate? Do I hate her? Yes! Do I hate the situation? Yes! Why am I feeling this way? Because I don't have control over any of it. Once I got to the core of it, it was realizing I hated the situation and sure I hated her for it too. However, I realized no matter what I don't have control over any of it. I …
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/24 04:08 PM
1

I foolishly believed that you can truly build something special. Family, memories, wealth, accomplishing goals, getting through the hard times together, etc. Honestly, what a slap in the face reality gave me. What upsets me even more is that our oldest literally said to me today, "I don't get why you and mommy are getting divorced, you get along so well, and we always have fun. So why get divorced?" I know I can't tell her now and honestly I don't think I'll ever need to tell her she's going to …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 03:18 AM
1

Yeah, this is definitely one of those pages where every young man should be watching. Makes me feel so naive at times.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 12:25 AM
8

That's what I'm saying. The other thing though is effective communication. My wife was horrible at this and would say, "I left you bread crumbs along the way." Give it to me straight, we're both adults, I'm not into those kinds of games. Would drive me nuts when I'd get her something and then not feel the appreciation for it and then if I wouldn't I could feel the disappointment. Felt like nothing I did was right, but I was well aware when I didn't do something as she would point it out. Love an…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 08:04 PM
7

Move on. Her ship has sailed while yours is still at the pier. Undoubtedly it's hard, we all get it, you don't want to move on, but it's absolutely necessary you show her you don't need her, cut off all ties, and wish her the best of luck. It won't be easy, but you'll see as time moves forward so will you. You don't want a woman like that and never take her back.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 10:28 PM
2

Mine also created a false narrative to her therapist. All so that she could feel better about what she was doing. Is what it is though you can't control what other people will do.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 03:17 PM
3

My stbxw literally said, "I need to be selfish, I need to find my happiness, and my person." Literally 🤯 who the fuck did I marry?
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/24 12:47 AM
11

It's a hard situation. I have one friend that is like we need to do something, we need to talk, we need to hangout. Then he never follows up. At one point I considered him to be my best friend, but now he's almost a stranger. It's weird you figure out real quickly who your actual people are when life gets tough and even then maybe those people are only meant to be there for a few seasons.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 03:16 PM
5

Currently in phase 3-4ish 🤣😂🤣 this is so spot on we really live in simulation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/24 07:57 PM
7

If you believe in God: "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord" Forgive her, understand that you may never get the closure you are looking for and although it sucks, you HAVE to accept it and move on. Don't waste anymore time seeking revenge go live your life.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 06:42 PM
2

Same. I don't hate her, don't love her, I just want to move on with life.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 06:27 PM
8

Hey, my stbxw too! Honestly, I thought I was going insane at one point. It's easier to just ignore all of it. The last time we had an hour long conversation, that amounted to absolutely nothing, I told her at the end of it I don't want anymore conversations with you unless it's about the kids or the divorce. We can be friendly but when this is all said and done don't call me, don't text me, don't email me unless it's about the kids. It has worked out great so far.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/24 03:30 AM
9

My stbxw brought that up to me a few months back. "Who knows maybe one day....?" I can't even imagine what my face looked like I just said the same thing you did. "I know and no shot!" I just remembered thinking what the fuck is wrong with you, why would you want to go through all this just to, "who knows maybe one day..." Absolutely mind bogglingly how some women think marriage, life, and being a family is just a fucking option whenever you want it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 01:32 AM
1

Yup, it's just not worth it in the end. Blinded by how good it was until it wasn't good anymore and then you see everything. The marriage wasn't all bad we had many good years, hit a rough patch, and couldn't get past it or move forward. Looking back there were signs that I should have taken seriously. Boundaries that I had that weren't being upheld and I let slide. Honestly, I feel like I woke up from being dormant for so many years. Never again.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/24 10:25 AM
2

Expectations can only be set for yourself not for others. You'll end up disappointed otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/24 03:59 PM
5

This is a great question. I go back and forth on this myself. I tell myself the game plan is to go one year, after the divorce is finalized, without dating or sex and just really focus on myself and my kids not that this isn't or hasn't been my focus but it's harder to do when the stbxw is still around. Then when speaking with my therapist I told him I want to go a year and who knows maybe forever without ever dating again. He said it's a good plan, but you shouldn't completely shut yourself out…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/24 04:49 PM
14

This is it right here. My stbxw said, "I want a relationship with you as we're going to be in each other's life for the next 16 years at least." My response was, "Here's how it's going to be don't call, don't text, don't email me unless it's about the kids. That's the only communication I want with you that is the only thing we have in relation now." Like you said friends are people you trust, I can't trust someone who decided to go through all these steps, not communicate they were feeling a ce…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/24 02:03 AM
2

Very true and it's what I strive to do. Thanks again and I hope it goes by quickly and quietly as well! I'm turning 32 soon so I still have a lot of life to live.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:29 AM
6

Damn! This happens to me as well. Or if she attempts to apologize its, "I'm sorry, but" or "I apologize, but". Literally the apology is negated once you say but because what follows is literally them just trying to minimize what they attempted to apologize for or completely dismiss it in totality. Also, when I've used her own words against her and there was no possible way for them to mean anything else or meant in any other context. I get the old, "That's not what I meant, this is what I meant.…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:26 AM
2

Thank you. I'm trying to constantly remind myself to take the high road and don't engage. It's not always easy especially when it's just blatant lies but I'm realizing none of it matters I just have to let it ride and not defend the man I am.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 11:04 PM
6

I've realized that is non-existent. My favorite is when I tell her that she always has to be right and can never just stop and think maybe I am wrong. Then she tells me that I'm wrong. I'm like you're proving my point right now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 11:02 PM
6

Yeah, I don't plan on doing anything until after one year of the divorce is finalized, unfortunately not that it matters, she probably can't say the same. I just want to get myself 100% right and make sure my girls are in a good place before I even consider getting involved with another female.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 10:05 PM
3

Yeah, I need to really work on this. I try just giving no reaction and letting her say whatever she needs to but when someone is straight up lying, and to be frank I don't even know when she's being truthful anymore it's hard not to call them out. However I'm realizing that even when you do call them out with proof of them lying they still believe their perception of reality or what happened.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 09:20 PM
8

Sweet baby Jesus I hope the best for you. That's insane. That's actually a really good way of putting it living in their own righteousness without regard to reality.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 09:14 PM
7

I feel a lot of it is projecting, also setting a narrative, she cares way too much about control even the things that can't be controlled. Another odd thing I've noticed is she's started mirroring or saying things that I've said previously and making it seem like their her own if that makes sense? I try so hard to avoid having any conversation with her unless it's about the kids or the divorce that's the only thing I want to talk about with her. Yet for some reason she still likes to talk about …
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:45 PM
2

I would lawyer up, but I'm in the middle of a career change and money is tight with school, kids, and only being an intern right now. I'm not much for social media, also deleted her from it so I didn't have to see anything she was posting. I did ask my sister not to engage as I just want peace and not add to what I already have going on. Even after my sister sent me the posts and messages I still tried ignoring it, but stbxw brought it up and the conversation went absolutely nowhere. I really do…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:37 PM
2

I think for me it was I already had my suspicion that something was going on. She just kept denying it, brushing it off, no big deal, your crazy why would you think that attitude. Then when she told me it was like, "awh what a relief you are a liar and now you're upset because I caught you in a lie and my gut instinct was right." It's insane she's trying to pull the uno reverse card and making it appear publicly like I was the one who wanted this divorce. I think it's all a show I see right thro…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 08:08 PM
2

Zzzzzquil with stress relief & melatonin. 60% of the time it works every time.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 07:35 PM
4

As a person that believes in God there are so many factors. One being free will. Everyone has it and that's part of marriage you have to consider at any point in time your significant other can decide this isn't for them anymore. The way I see it is it's out of my control. People will do what they want and if I did everything I possibly could to make it work or show that I'm all in; I think that's all you can do and if the other person still walks it's on them. You can hold your head high knowin…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 05:49 PM
3

Still in the process. It's not easy by any means. We also have kids and I often think of them and the other thing that I ask myself when I find my mind racing or wanting to do something petty I ask myself, "is this something I can control?" If it is then I do my best to choose the highroad it's the only way it may suck in the moment but as time goes by I feel better and better about doing such.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/24 04:46 PM
2

Are you me? Is this the matrix? The accountability, sorry, rather the inability to take accountability that my stbxw has and then proceeds to gaslight me and says she does and that I don't. Talk about a mind fuck. Also dangling the reason why the divorce is happening from a disagreement and misunderstanding that happened 3 years ago now, and the back and forth that it is the reason and then it's not? I didn't want to be divorced, but now I just want peace. I did all I could, truly, I don't think…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 03:47 AM
1

I'll try to DM you the videos.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:08 AM
3

Thank you yeah it was a rush. I don't know how the big time comedians don't lose their shit in front of thousands of people.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 11:07 AM
1

That's actually immediately how I started looking at it once she said she wanted a divorce. It's so funny, well not funny, more so annoying when I say no the reaction is anger and shortness towards me. When she says no, I just don't care. I literally expect nothing. I read No More Mr.Nice Guy not even knowing that I previously was a nice guy and had already been working through getting past that. It's still weird as I do get feelings of guilt from time to time, but I can't go back to how I was.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 02:49 PM
6

I wish I knew the answer. It sucks because there is an internal dilemma where you're still a nice person, and if you don't do it you're made to be an asshole. I read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy and I realized that a lot of things are not or no longer are your responsibility, or perhaps never were. It's difficult terrain to navigate but setting boundaries, and not caring what others will say or think is key. It is what is at the end of the day.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 02:37 PM
11

The independence part cracks me up. My wife said she realized while we were separated how she could do it on her own making her realize another reason for divorce. Yet, she was calling me to come over, can you build the bunk bed, can you build my bed, can you hang the TV. At the time I did all that because we were working through it, but now good luck moving, good luck with all the other bs. You wanted independence figure it out.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 12:52 AM
3

Do not do it. You're better than that and you deserve better too. Forgive her, but don't allow her back into your life like that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/23 10:58 PM
18

I think the book, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" explains it best. For me it was a feeling of guilt or selfishness. After listening to the book I feel like such an idiot for thinking this way. For a time I was also in a deep state of depression and was literally just trying to get through each day.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 01:42 AM
2

I'm working on forgiveness right now. For me it's more so letting go, not being angry or bitter. Just because you forgive doesn't mean you forget. I know I personally do not want to be angry or bitter the rest of my life. The thing is you can't control anyone, what they will do, how they think. How much better will your life be when you just let all that shit go? Like I said I'm still working on it myself I have good days, bad days, and a mix of both in one day. It's not easy but I'd imagine the…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 04:34 PM
1

I'm sorry you're going through it man. It is tough; how are you filling up your time?
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 02:58 AM
2

I've cried one time since she said she wanted divorce. I wasn't crying because of her though, I was crying because I was thinking about our kids and how they will grow up in two separate households now instead of one, the trips we'll never take, the moments we'll never have. I made peace with that. It is what it is and life goes on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 02:57 AM
5

Exactly or get away from those type of people. Can't force anyone to do anything though. Honestly, I think I'm at peace. We just filed the paperwork today. I did everything I possibly could and I can walk away knowing that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 02:02 AM
11

I'll say this. I don't want to become a womanizer and I won't, but I don't think I'll ever trust another woman with my heart or trust anything that they say. I know not all women are the same but it's alarming how similar divorce situations are on this forum. The fact this shit is celebrated as strength is enough for me to never want to have another meaningful relationship again. Real strength is staying in the fight, real strength is communicating, real strength is taking the time to sort throu…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 01:49 AM
1

I'm speaking on marriage. If your beliefs and values are as strong as your word then I think you can work through anything minus cheating. I don't think it's okay to normalize this. It's going to hurt regardless I was a wreck when my wife wanted to separate. The whole point of a marriage and relationship is to have that one person always there, who has your back, and will communicate with you at all times about everything and vice versa.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 12:03 AM
22

Interesting. I will say this I stopped hanging around the group of "friends" that my wife and I hung out with because I didn't like the way they talked, what they talked about, or the people they talked about, however she kept hanging around the wives and all of a sudden, I changed, not in a good way though. Now, all of sudden my wife and I are getting divorced, one of the other ones is too, and the other one is on the brink of it. All three talk shit about their husbands, all three started thin…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 11:59 PM
1

Which is why I don't believe I will ever get married again. It takes two people to commit and only one to decide it's over.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 11:52 PM
1

No we agreed to no child support, we leave with the debt we have, and so far I get to keep the house, but we'll see what happens with that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 10:44 PM
1

My wife and I separated for a year, got back together, and are actually doing the divorce papers right now. Here is the thing. Women will second guess everything. She probably does miss you right NOW. Not every woman is the same. My experience, your experience, and everyone else on here are not all the same. There isn't always "somebody else". However, while separated my wife also did things that showed me signs that she missed me, cared for me, etc. Yet, I refused to get my heart absolutely dem…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 04:00 AM
1

I've been rehearsing when I can I've already written two different sets. I'm liking the 2nd one much better.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 12:57 AM
1

Life experiences and just everyday life. Like if something funny happens or I say something funny that I think can be a joke I'll just write a quick note on my phone and come back to it later.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 08:43 PM
2

I'm not worried about that. We're settling outside of court and we're amicable. I thank God that we can be amicable and pray that it continues. Also she currently makes more than me as I only work part time and I'm finishing my degree this Spring.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 06:00 AM
2

That's awesome! I'm coming back every Friday to see if you've done it now.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 03:06 AM
1

You just have to sign up. Thank you! Do you have any comedy clubs near you?
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 02:42 AM
2

December 20th. I've told people already. I want to bring at least 5 people with me...maybe my therapist too 😂
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 02:37 AM
2

Go for it man! Seriously, I'm just in such a fuck it mindset I really don't care what other people think. The show is 2 hours total I'm telling myself the show is 2 hours long but everyone that shows up is here to see me for 5 minutes and laugh their ass off.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 02:33 AM
1

Thanks brotha!
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 02:21 AM
6

Oh I don't plan on talking about divorce at all. I'll save that for when that shit is final.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 01:28 AM
3

Thank you! Thinking I might snort a line of c4 and taking a triple shot espresso to calm the nerves.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 01:27 AM
2

Maybe it's finding someone that fits into your life. I highly suggest psychacks on YouTube. Although I'm not divorced yet and we haven't even filed yet, my wife and I had a year long separation and I will say that it felt worse than the night she said she wanted a divorce 2 months ago. Psychacks has a lot of interesting topics on men, women, relationships and dating. When our divorce is final I don't think I'll date or be active for at least a year. I still need to figure out what life not marri…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 01:13 AM
2

So you're saying that it's always probably been there I've just failed to see it until now?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 01:43 AM
2

Did she always want to have control of situations even if they were out of her control? Did she make assumptions in her head to play out an entire scenario as if it were the truth or will happen? Did she always have to be right?
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 01:40 AM
3

The crazy thing is I look back and honestly it was never this way. We literally have argued more these last 2 years than we have in the 10 years we've been together. Shit in the last month alone more than we have in 10 years. I'm not sure what triggered it. I've read that sometimes in marriages if a spouse experienced childhood trauma sometimes that can come back up later on in life and it's pretty common in marriages. 🤷
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 01:26 AM
2

Turn to God. You have a purpose on this earth. You're going through a rough season right now, but pick your ass up, pray to God, repent, and keep going through it. It isn't easy; shit I'm still in the thick of it I don't even know what we're doing at this point. However, that's not the point. I promise you if you find your faith, pray on everything, go to therapy, focus on yourself, and YOUR KIDS. Your life will turn around. This is your wake up call now take action.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 01:10 AM
1

I'm sure it'll hurt, but that's not something I can control. I can only control myself and what I do.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 03:54 AM
3

Yeah I don't know how any parent could even think about getting involved with someone else until everything is settled. It's literally not even on my totem pole.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:24 PM
3

Yup, I've already put it in my head to be laser focused, complete my goals, and then start dating again. Until then everything else is just a distraction and I don't have time for it nor do I want to make time for it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:19 PM
1

This is me personally and my view point. Back story the wife and I are not divorced yet but we both agreed to divorce once our daughter's school year is over. I personally will not be dating, fucking about with females until I am ready. My goals are to be the fittest I've ever been, be on the advanced track for my career, find things that I like doing by myself and/or with friends, being happy with who I am, setting boundaries, and being debt free. When that happens I will then enter the dating …
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 08:16 PM
21

Hard pass.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 08:09 PM
2

I feel like this is some sick Tik Tok trend. Why are so many women thinking the same way? Feeling the same way? It's just insane to me. I'm still early on in the process. I'm just thinking like damn we created this whole life, 3 little girls, house, and we've actively been trying to improve on ourselves. Yet she's just not happy being with me anymore and needs to find her happiness. When will women realize that you create your own happiness and if you can't find the things that make you happy in…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 04:50 AM
1

I couldn't agree more and I brought this up to my wife but she is persistent that there is no changing her mind. However long we have I'm going to show her and I'm going to know either way that I did all I could. I told her I acknowledge how she's feeling and that she needs to trust me but she can't get past it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 04:52 PM
2

It doesn't feel right. She wanted to divorce when we separated, but gave us another shot but it never felt like she completely went all in. I love this woman, but at the same time there are other issues. One being she likes to intertwine different events into one, and also "straw man fallacy". Additionally, every time we have discussions about other things like politics or what's going on in the world she somehow takes it as an attack on her and I've never once made it about her whatsoever. Howe…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 02:09 PM
1

The no attraction comes from her. Trust me brother if I could I would, but to me if she's not willing to really get through this part which I believe if we did we would come out stronger. I made my points and she doesn't see it that way. So, I'm not going to force her into something she doesn't want even though I see it so close. It absolutely sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 01:42 PM
2

Also as far as dating that's not a priority. My girls, taking care of them, being the best dad possible, and getting myself right. I.e. getting healthy, working out, getting disciplined, and starting my career are the new priorities. I'll date when I'm ready but that's the lowest on the totem pole for me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 01:03 PM
2

It's been going on two years. She can't fully commit because of a conversation that happened two years ago that she lost trust in me. I've apologized and I recognized where I fucked up but she can't get over it. I've also said I'm willing to wait as long as she needs but she just said I don't think I'll ever forgive you or rather trust you. There were other things said as well like no attraction. Also what made me realize that I need to also agree to calling it quits is because she's not happy, …
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 12:48 PM
2

My favorite is when they combine two or three different events and shape it into one perfect narrative. I've told my stbxw she does this and I got told I'm wrong because of course she can never be wrong. What's even wilder than that is she admits she has an issue with being wrong so she'll argue even if she is wrong because she'd rather FEEL right than be wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 06:43 AM
1

Holy shit! Sounds familiar. Wait...damn do we all live in a simulation?
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 06:34 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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