It begins

lifeisallihave · 2023-10-09T06:32:28+00:00

30? Holy shit dude, that's a huge blessing. You lucked out. Take this as a second chance in life. Don't look back and live my brother, live. Your future relationship should be on your own terms and not try to make anyone happy. Live your life.

NovocaineForTheSol · 2023-10-09T05:57:25+00:00

30 is young :)
You definitely don’t want to be in a marriage that’s dysfunctional for 20+ more years. Better to realize it now than stick it out and suffer.
Remember to take some time for yourself!

Divorce is not the end. It’s a milestone along the journey of life, and in some ways, a new beginning. You have a lot to look forward to.

chunckyd · 2023-10-09T14:47:07+00:00

I am in the same boat as my wife and mother of my two kids sets sail to find her happiness. Much like you i thought i loved her but she has made me last in her priorities and i am done. This is the thing!! If you are willing yo give up your family with to kids so you can get some new “D” i can never trust you again. Go chase the endorphins and ride the carousel but your not coming back here. I am bitter and quite frankly pissed at what she is doing. I am a loyal faithful husband that provides very well and contributes more than my share as far as this family goes. I can’t wait for the flaws to present themselves from the next guy. She will always be comparing him to me and he won’t have a chance. When she crawls back i will leave her on the streets and i have told her many times if you leave there is no coming back. I constantly remind myself- does this person have your back, do they care about how you feel, can you trust them. NO NO and NO. She has to go. Feel so bad for my kids. When it all goes down they will be devastated.

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-10-09T09:44:21+00:00

Be glad you saw her real personality before kids came along. 30 is just around the corner for her and we all know women fear that milestone. Soon enough she’ll crave a stable relationship and a family but it’ll be too late. Right now she wants to “find herself”, which we all know means jumping on the CC as often as possible, pretending she’s 20 again and partying, getting drunk and sleeping around. Reality will come crashing in soon and she’ll probably come crawling back…just remember that NO is a complete answer to that request.

captainchippsixx · 2023-10-09T13:34:05+00:00

Man. Partying and going out means she already cheated and has a guy or guys in mind for new resource daddy’s. That’s why she is confident about sailing bro. Don’t me naive. Get tough. Don’t give any free assets. Don’t let steal $$$. Don’t let her tell a false narrative. This is on her not you. She failed not you: she betrayed you. She broke the vows. She broke her promises. Not you.

Work out and eat right. Helps fix the head and heart!

mrclark121 · 2023-10-09T19:18:55+00:00

Yes good sir, they are they a fickle breed. However, in the grand scheme of things your getting off easy as fucking crazy as that sounds. Let her go man. God only knows the horseshit this woman is being feed by people in her social circle she's been running with. Let her go man and let her marinade in the mess she makes. Afterwards, when she circles back around at some point after she figures out how badly she fucked up and how good she had it. Let your new lady answer the door.

reallyconfused2323 · 2023-10-09T06:50:47+00:00

Better to get divorced raped sooner than later, especially with no prenup in place.

cactuscharlie · 2023-10-09T21:19:00+00:00

You seem like a stand up guy. Married young. This tells me you were either 100% serious about a life long marriage or you didn't know what you were doing(no offense).

Either way, it hurts to be betrayed by the one you love. It can really jade you. Just be glad you have years left and youth.

I got dumped at 52 and beyond the heartbreak, I think a lot of us want our years back.

dot-dot-okay · 2023-10-09T12:17:12+00:00

It sucks now and it feels awful.

In my divorce time crazy period I looked in a lot of places for love and planted some seeds that are starting to bear really promising fruit.

It may not be relevant to your path, but the two seeds that bore the most fruit for me were DDlg and non-monogamy.

I’m interested to know what seeds you’ll plant.

Also, it sounds like it might be time for you to take future marriage off the table entirely. But again, that might not be relevant to your path.

Throwaway19891953 · 2023-10-09T19:57:12+00:00

I'm sorry you're here bro. Similar situation with STBXW wanting to move out to "find herself'. Upon my (female) boss's suggestion I did some digging and found out she was cheating on me for months. It's gonna suck reading this but chances are yours did too, if only emotional affairs. You read these stories over and over again on here. Women monkey branch and don't leave a relationship before knowing they have sth else they can pursue.

Your comment about having to 'play nice' until divorce also really resonated with me. Its probably one of the most painful things for me in this process. They fuck up and you have to hold your tongue as you know you may otherwise get somomised in the process. My suggestion would be to keep at it, write down your thoughts and anger and then tell her family and friends when it's all done and you're no longer exposed. I'm counting the days til I can drop that bomb.

Be strong, we are all here for you via posts or DMs if you ever want to chat

Zapped2311 · 2023-10-09T22:21:16+00:00

Sorry it's happening to you, man... but...

Bruh, I'm looking at 50 in a few years, and I've been with my wife since I was 16 years old. There were a few break-ups to make-ups before getting married, but just so: I've been with this woman for more than half my life, and would give ANYTHING to go back in time and choose to stay in the Corps, instead of getting married. Back then, she was my world. Dude-- I left the Marines for her!

...that's some good good, brother (lol).

We have a handful of kids, and I love most of them, but I'm telling you for REALLY real, be VERY glad you two haven't hatched any mini you's. Makes everything infinitely more difficult.

You're not a kid, but you're young enough yet to take this unfortunate hit, and have plenty of time to get back up, get in sync with YOU, and get what you WANT in YOUR life.

Real talk, I still love and miss the woman I married 24 years ago, but she's gone, and she ain't coming back. I finally accept that, and even though I'm older than I want to be for this realization, it is what it is, and it's time for me to do what I gotta do. AGain, sorry for your sitch, but bruh-- do the damned thing. Do good healthy things for you-- DEFINITELY get a therapist, that's hands down a MUST-- and just know you're not alone in this. Best wishes man!!

welldressedpepe · 2023-10-09T23:08:58+00:00

I just got out of a short marriage. I am 32. I am working towards a master's degree which I am almost done and plan on taking up on doctorate degree. My life ain't over. Yes, it's painful given the situation escalated so quickly and recently. You didn't mention of having a kid. You might have a better shot at starting over again than me. I would still have to see my stbx because of my daughter, but I am going to focus on my daughter and her only.

Start over, do things you love. In the past few weeks, I had a long thought of what I am going to do. I am going to make it. I am gonna do everything in my power to achieve great things in my life and make sure no one is stopping me. Do the same! Be a great person of your own and make your ex jealous. It's your way out. Your dad was divorced 4 times and doesn't mean you will. Once, yes, twice, okay, third? should know better, fourth? You are getting married on a whim or just cause. You are young, man. Be the greatest as you can be

ConfidenceTough690 · 2023-10-09T17:28:30+00:00

No kids? Get out now

DatabaseSpace · 2023-10-09T13:54:01+00:00

She will be by herself for like one day.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2023-10-09T12:26:22+00:00

30 is a baby imo, you haven't even hit your prime in life, yours 30s are gonna be a blast I would stay away from marriage going forward, clearly you and your dad can't pick them lol

BNotaLoka · 2023-10-10T01:01:22+00:00

It's official for me as well. I turn 30 tomorrow and as much as I wanted it to work and not separate she straight up told me "why try when I don't want to be with you anymore."

Title	It begins
Author	According-Ocelot-819
Upvotes	23
Comments	33
Date	October 9, 2023 5:36 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/173k5ta/it_begins/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/it-begins.1234503 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234503

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