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Particular-Depth-973 Archive

View 5 posts and 137 comments by Particular-Depth-973 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

It wasn't the best decision. Bottom line; not fair to your kids. Move back in.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 09:00 PM
2

Its never right to punish your children for your wife's actions. Move back in!
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 03:51 PM
2

With no children to fight over, at least from a custody perspective, the only thing to fight over is the house. You both want it, that's what all the false accusations are about. I would not give it to her if I'm you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 02:53 PM
1

See I don't understand this. If your issue is that they are taking too much of your money, how does paying more money for an apartment solve the problem? STOP paying for stuff and stay where you are. Let them worry about paying the bills.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 02:46 PM
1

Have you tried discussing this with your father in law? If my wife pulled something like this with my daughters I would be thinking of hospitalizing her. This is an extremely dangerous situation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 02:10 PM
1

People in general tend to really struggle with giving bad news. I think in your case with this relationshp, if you watched her actions, it was apparent that she was unsure of where the relationship was headed. Could be a million reasons some of which have nothing to do with you. I know you probably have some deep wounds but I think you are being a little harsh in this case.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 01:51 PM
1

No kids? If so, I would mortgage and/or sell the house and move. Or maybe better is to move- today. When you speak with your wife about the move, have a witness with you. Explain that her Mother is a dangerous person that has no part in your live unless and until she gets help. I would put this in an email. Then you are out of there. This is far too dangerous of a situation to stick around.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 01:37 PM
5

In a word: leverage. If he empties every bank account and runs up every line of credit, her access to those funds will be 0 or close to it. That means her ability to mount an effective legal defense is going to be limited to how much she can borrow from friends/family/401k, So let's say she gets him out of the house with a phony restraining order. With no money available for a legal battle and no money coming in to help pay the bills, she's going to be facing an uphill battle to chase those fund…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 12:46 AM
3

This is def working fighting over. You want expensive estimates and you want everything documented with witnesses that can testify to the state of the home prior to her trashing it. You want plenty of photographic evidence. Then you want a deposition where your attorney puts her feet to the fire; that will give you the leverage to get your money back in settlement. Once you have that leverage, simply refuse to settle unless the damage to the home plus the cost of the deposition are offset.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 09:19 PM
2

Ditch the side piece altogether; don't even speak with her at all. After a few weeks, reevaluate. You can't see clearly right now with this other chic clouding your judgment.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 09:15 PM
3

Now is the time to be proactive and empty every account you can get your hands on and run up every line of credit while you still can. If she files for a restraining order, she will get it. Her tactic probably won't work in the long run, but it will in the short run. Be ready. Move quickly on this- like right now. Today.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 09:12 PM
2

RE: discovery. I would not give up ANY information until you get information back. For this reason, it's very common in divorce for discovery to never get done. Here is how discovery worked in my divorce: I told my lawyer "as soon as we get the discovery that I asked for back, I'll produce mine- but not before." That's exactly what my ex told her lawyer. Neither one of us ever produced any of the documents or interrogatories.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 07:20 PM
3

Great job not getting defensive and indignant. You have a lot to be thankful for. If you look at that, you might be surprised by what you get back if you start pouring into your family/wife.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 07:14 PM
10

I'll give it to you straight: you have no reason to get divorced and you are acting like a woman. If you are not satisfied with your social life, go create one. You are not a victim, stop acting like one.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 12:39 AM
7

She's cheating and it's her fault.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 12:36 AM
3

Who lives in the marital home? Whoever does has a tremendous advantage. My suggestions: If you don't live in the marital home presently, move back in immediately. Try talking to your STBX and working it out. If this fails.... Counter file for 80/20 custody in your favor.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 09:14 PM
3

My friend, you don't understand how this whole thing works. The 'court' is ALWAYS pushing for settlement. There is no reason whatsoever to get emotional or bent out of shape about it. A couple of thoughts on your post: If your ex is represented by an attorney and you are not, a failed mediation is actually a good thing. Afterall, she has to pay for the attorney and you don't. The 'court' can't convert mediation notes into a stipulated settlement. Only you, your ex and a Judge signing off on it c…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 07:42 PM
1

This is just terrible. Sorry you are going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 01:16 AM
2

I've been pro se at various times in my 16 year custody battle in family court; see my posting history. Your instincts are correct; in your case post judgment having an attorney is a major liability and likely won't move the needle. My advice once you go pro se: If your ex has an attorney, start running her bill to the moon. The best way to do this is continued communication with your exes attorney. If you are pleasant and smart with the way you communicate, you will quickly become friendly with…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 01:12 AM
1

You are a 19 to 1 underdog to go to trial and your case is unlikely to be the outlier. Furthermore, almost no one is going to be willing to spend 50-90k for a trial to fight over a life insurance policy that will only pay out if you die Just say no.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 12:54 AM
0

Maybe if it was 50k but I think 10k would be fine especially if he spent the night or a weekend there.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 12:50 AM
6

After 16 years and 700 pleadings in my family court case, I can tell you from experience that self representation can not only work, but it has unique advantages. BUT the caveat is that I would not self represent if the case goes to trial. Most of the advice on this thread is terrible... I wouldn't worry about law; instead focus on learning how your Judge thinks and reacts, his/her hot buttons, and being as concise and direct as possible. Most of the time when people fail at self representation …
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 03:16 AM
1

Not nearly a good enough reason.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 03:02 AM
2

Why do you want a divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 02:46 PM
1

How's it going? Hope all is well with you my man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 01:22 AM
2

No, sir. That's victim blaming. If you can, get witnesses that can testify to her calling you names. That's abusive behavior and if it continues, she needs to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 01:42 AM
5

I don't believe for one second that the State didn't do anything to your girlfriend's ex for not paying child support. And based upon that, I doubt your entire story.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 12:33 AM
1

When you move back in, do not tell her. Just do it. Just make sure you have your VAR and camera rolling. Also, if possible have a witness with you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 12:29 AM
1

I wouldn't even do that. Let her sleep in the camper if that's what she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 12:28 AM
3

Look at my posting history for context.. I've been in family court for 16 years and know the system like the back of my hand. My friend, you have no clue what you are saying. If you continue on the path you are on now, the consequences will be worse than you could ever imagine. You CANNOT get divorced as things stand right now. Your wife will get everything, and you very well may see your kids less than you do now. MOVE BACK IN. Buy a VAR and a body cam and keep both on you at all times. If poss…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 01:02 PM
1

No, he shouldn't. He should cancel the card.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 12:56 PM
2

You should def cancel the card.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 03:55 AM
10

Are you insane? Move back in, right now. Today.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 03:53 AM
11

If she has no income, how did she get the money to retain an attorney? If someone gave it to her, that's the person that you want to negotiate with.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 08:55 PM
8

I would start snooping so you can discover her affair that she is almost certainly having.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 10:49 PM
1

(see my posting history for context) This is one of the better posts that I've read on this forum. To OP: don't be discouraged at the lack of feedback. Winning in family court for men is very much a 'rabbit out of a hat' phenomenon. That is, it loses its appeal the minute you explain the trick. Said another way: most people don't really want to know how the sausages are made in the factory. I think there is a lot of value in what you posted. IMO, one of the things that could be added is the 'ele…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 01:47 AM
1

IF trial isn't over, there is no judgment yet so there is nothing to appeal. It's very tough to go pro se in trial but not impossible. How many more days of trial do you have left? Prepare as best as you can including watching as many other trials as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 02:00 AM
2

You say "had a bad day in court", did you actually have a trial? If not, there is nothing to appeal. Or did you stipulate to a bad deal?
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 12:11 AM
1

Anything is possible in divorce. Remember: 95% of all cases never see trial and everything is up for negotiation. If that situation happened to me, I would use the credit card up to 25k and plead ignorance if you ever get called on it. In divorce its better to beg forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 12:09 AM
1

It's a hedging maneuver. If his wife gets custody, he has the threatpoint of child support hanging over his head until his children are emancipated. Even if the Judge doesn't order it, his wife can come after him through the state after the fact... and she will get it. The child support issue creates negotiating leverage for his wife.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 12:05 AM
1

Get the divorce filed and get a temp order for exclusive use of the marital home, temporary custody, and her paying you child support. Once this is established, if your wife does the right thing you can always drop it after the fact and give her another chance. You need to get the order first, though.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 09:02 PM
2

You probably already know this... IL is a Mom State. You said, "the children part has already been figured out...." what does this mean? Look at my posting history. I've been in the system for 16 years, won after 12, and my case has touched 700 pleadings.... I'm not talking out of my ass. I would amend to asking for full custody your situation is too dangerous to ask for anything else. If you get it, you can always give your ex 50/50 after the fact at your discretion. Ok. good. The fact that you…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 08:59 PM
1

If ever there was a thread that proves that moving out is a horrible idea in divorce, it's this one. My suggestions: Amend your filing asking for full custody. Move back in to the marital home. Ask for a temp order of spousal support. Might as well file for temp orders of exclusive use of the marital home, too. You won't get it, but you need to get it on the record. Hire a new attorney. Ask the Judge to recuse herself. You need to get this on the record. DO NOT GET A NEW JOB! Instruct your attor…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 04:19 PM
2

Do NOT move out or move away right now. Absolutely 1000% do not get a job right now. How are you paying the mortgage right now? Seems almost impossible if the payment is 2/3 of your household income.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 03:55 PM
12

I would suggest getting evidence of the damage that she done, filing a police report, and getting a restraining order.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 03:46 PM
1

I sent you a PM.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 03:42 PM
1

Ok I'll bite. (generally speaking, every case is different); the foundational piece to avoiding alimony is the fact that 95% of all cases never see trial. Therefore, in simplistic terms; the way to avoid paying it is to refuse to pay it voluntarily. The specific tactics involved are going to vary widely from case to case, though.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 03:40 AM
-1

OK so if you've never been through it, why are you acting like you know how it works? I've been through the system for 16 years; I know how the system works.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 12:04 AM
1

Did you go to trial or did you give away the alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 08:43 PM
2

When dealing with someone like this, the only solution is to amend your filing and go for full custody. Step 1: amend your filing. Step 2: Have her deposed and get her lies and contradictions on the record.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 08:41 PM
1

I have a feeling that it does not matter what I say because you are so utterly committed to giving your ex wife thousands of dollars of tax free money that you really don't care about what is true and what is false.... OF COURSE your ex wife has income. I'll ask you again: what's the carrying cost of a 2 million dollar home? Fifteen thousand per month all in? Twenty thousand per month all in? I'd guess closer to 20k or even more. You try paying 20k per month and then claim to have no income and …
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 08:34 PM
0

Bottom line is that you are wrong. The fact that 95% of all divorces do not go to trial proves that you are wrong. Also, alimony cannot be revisited like child support once it's waived; every single one of those cases (or at least over 99%) can be settled without alimony and the Judge will sign off on it. Also, in every state there are factors that are supposed to be considered before ordering alimony, one of them being need; so that right there proves that you are wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 08:27 PM
-1

You see, this type of post is exactly my issue. You simply have no clue what you are talking about. Basically, you chose to give your ex her alimony and you are not satisfied with throwing away your case- now you want to encourage other men to throw away their cases. 'Foolproof' or 'one size fits all' does not exist in divorce. There are different tactics for different situations, but alimony is almost always avoidable in one way or another.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 11:32 AM
0

Child support is, alimony is not. That is simply not true.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 11:29 AM
0

There is no nice way to say this... your attitude is piss poor and borderline pathetic. Did you or did you not say in another post that she lives in a 2 million dollar home? What is the carrying cost of that home including taxes, insurance, maintenance, market rent or mortgage, utilities, etc)? I'd be willing to bet its 3x what you are paying her in child support and alimony. That means that effectively, she makes at least 5x more than you do AND lives a lifestyle that's probably 7-10x what your…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 11:27 AM
3

Why can't you be the primary parent have her pay you child support?
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:57 AM
1

Yes. One of the biggest problems with alimony is that men that give away their cases try to double and triple down after their mistakes by coming to forums like this and preaching about 'law', or 'you will have to pay alimony' and creating false narratives that are simply not true.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:41 AM
0

The paying of alimony can be avoided in probably 95% of all divorces if not higher. Men are absolutely 1000% responsible for paying it when they shouldn't. And it effects all of us.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:39 AM
1

I read your story and many of your posts. What are you doing, man? The first thing I would do is sit down with your wife and ask her for the money back. If she lives in a 2 million dollar home, she needs to be paying money to you. Next, go to her Pastor, her church, her neighbors, her friends, her family. She is a Christian, right? As you said in another post, a fundamental Christian. Help me understand how impoverishing an innocent man reconciles with the work of The Lord Jesus Christ? Next, yo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:21 AM
6

Why would you punish your children and parents for her poor decisions? Move back into the house.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:12 AM
4

OK, men. I was going to come on this thread and blast you. I've thought better of it, so I'll try and be as nice as I can while saying what needs to be said. When I wrote this post A discussion about the culpability and accountability of men for the family court system : r/Divorce_Men this is exactly the type of thread that I had in mind. Come on guys, you need to get it together! (maybe) One or two of you went to trial and lost and that's why you are paying, but the rest of you aren't paying al…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:09 AM
1

Your only mistake was asking your attorney before you canceled the service. It does not matter 'how the courts view things' nor does it matter if the Judge cares or not in 95% of all cases. Why? Because 95% of all cases never see trial and yours is unlikely to be the outlier.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 01:02 AM
2

I'm not exactly sure what you are saying can you restate?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 12:48 AM
2

Any kids?
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 02:01 AM
1

You can file to have the judgment vacated if you didn't have a lawyer and it was uncontested. And 99% of the time you will get it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 01:22 AM
4

BTW, to your point: finding out about joint accounts works both ways. As in, if you find yourself on a joint credit card that she is using (with you as an authorized signer and her the primary); you can always use it if you need to gain leverage and get what you want. Or, if you got screwed in the first place you can use it as a claw back mechanism.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 01:20 AM
2

Yes I agree there is always another tactic and always another play no matter where we find ourselves in the process.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 01:17 AM
5

I'm sorry to tell you, the court isn't going to do squat to her if she misses a payment on the house. In fact, even if she refuses to pay for months or years, as long as kids are in the house you can count on getting nowhere in court. When you say "I was told that if she didn't make a house payment I could take her back to court", who told you that? My guess= your attorney. This is a perfect example of how attorney's deceive men into signing bad deals.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 12:13 AM
2

Yup. I covered this concept in this post: How can high earners limit the financial damage in divorce? : r/Divorce_Men The way to overcome it is to use it to one's advantage. That's why it's always better to take debt than to give up cash or assets in divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 12:10 AM
1

Mediation is the single biggest scam in the divorce industrial complex.... the dirty little secret of the industry is that divorce is not complicated. Custody (should be 183 overnights at minimum for Dad); who gets the house, split any money and debt down the middle. If she can't work it out with you at the kitchen table, why would mediation help?
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 05:15 PM
8

Why are you moving into the spare bedroom? First thing I would do- move back into the bedroom and tell her that if she wants out, she moves into the spare bedroom.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 05:12 PM
1

First of all, I'm sorry you are going through this. But let's get to the solution: A couple of things on restraining orders that may help you: first, the way to beat these things is not in the initial hearing. It's almost impossible to win the initial hearing. But they can be beaten after the fact. You want a copy of the restraining order affidavit (you need this!). Keep in mind, each and every time she tries to renew it there will be a new affidavit. Go through the affidavit with a fine toothed…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 10:29 AM
1

I'll tell you the cost in my case: legal costs around 200k, And it took me more than a decade; 12 years to be precise and even at year 16, my ex is still dragging me back and forth to court to no avail. Even last week I got a call from cps as my ex made another complaint. It won't go anywhere, but the point is that, yes, there is a cost to doing the right thing. There is also a reward; I've got my daughter and no one can break our relationship now. All that being said, my case is atypical and an…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 10:09 AM
1

It's a horrible idea to move out. Do not do it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 10:20 AM
-2

Bingo. I can't tell you how many times I've had a guy reach out to me for advice, take the time to explain their situation to me, then fight tooth and nail against everything I tell them. They will google something and send me a screenshot, thinking they already know the strategy or tactic, or just generally resist what needs to be done. Inevitably, I find out later that they got destroyed in their case.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 10:15 AM
5

Any deal that gives away the house without getting just compensation is a bad deal. I wouldn't agree to leave the marital home for anything less than 80/20 custody in my favor. Any deal that gives Dad less than 183 overnights is a bad deal. Any deal that pays alimony is a bad deal. Any deal that gives away more than 50% of money is a bad deal. Any deal that deviates from the child support calculator paying more is a bad deal. These are just a few examples. As to lawyers giving good advice, have …
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 10:11 AM
5

There is absolutely no reason to pay for mediation. The dirty little secret of the industry is that divorce is not that complex: 50/50 custody, split the money, who gets the marital home, and that's basically it. You can either sit down at the kitchen table and resolve it, or you can't. If she wants mediation, let her pay for it. You walk in and say you want 183 scheduled overnights with your child or you are walking out. Then if she won't agree, you bounce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 01:45 AM
3

(as far as your post) Agreed- many mistakes are made by Dads trying to salvage marriage; but not all of them. I think intellectually you are correct that men have a better grasp on the impact to children, but often men's actions render that intellectual grasp meaningless. In other words, regardless of how deeply Dad understands that divorce will hurt children, actions like moving out of the marital home don't support that intellectual grasp. This is where I emphatically disagree with you; and th…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 01:18 AM
1

Move back into the marital home. Do not take your anger and sadness out on your child by moving away from him or her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 12:45 AM
0

Unless you live in NC and unless there is a signed court order giving her exclusive use of the marital home, you absolutely can move back in. It's the marital home. Does not matter that her parents own it just like it wouldn't matter if you were renters renting from a 3rd party non family member. On top of that, my post was about accountability. It was a horrible decision to move out in the first place.. you put yourself and possibly your child in a bind. If you ever want to get anywhere in the …
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 11:16 PM
2

I guarantee that i've looked at more cases than you have and I have NOT seen it done. Show me the case law. It's really sickening to see so many men that have the audacity to advise others to throw away their cases. Just because you caved in doesn't mean that you should be advising others to cave in.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 11:08 PM
3

Did you stipulate to the alimony or did you go to trial? If you stipulated to it, you need to ask yourself why you voluntarily chose to pay your wife this money.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 11:00 PM
0

My point is that you gave away your case by moving out of the marital home. And as a consequence to that, you are now financially supporting your ex. What about your child? Do you have 50/50 custody of your child with 183 scheduled overnights? If not, your decision negatively effected your child as well. With all due respect, you didn't move out "due to necessity", you chose to move out. I think you need to be accountable for a very bad decision that is now impacting your life in a tangible way,…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 10:55 PM
0

Help me understand why you moved out in the first place. How about you? You want to call your ex on the carpet or refusing to be accountable... will YOU be accountable? My suggestion: admit your mistake in moving out of the marital home, then move back in.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 06:04 PM
1

Move back into the marital home and do this today.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 01:02 AM
1

Why can't you just tell her that you are keeping the dog and if she wants her divorce she will need to deal with it?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 12:54 AM
1

I don't know about 5 million, but yes, gifting is another great tactic.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 09:41 PM
2

It's theoretically possible to go to jail for failure to pay alimony, but effectively your risk is near zero unless and until you've been found in contempt multiple times. In other words, it would cost your ex tens of thousands of dollars, would take many months and probably years, and untold stress.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 07:37 PM
2

It does not matter what she wants. It matters what you agree to. In your case, you obviously settled, which means that you have no idea how you would have faired if you went to trial. Just keep that in mind when you try and dish out advice.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 07:35 PM
1

Most everyone complaining on this thread has voluntarily given away their case without a fight. My two cents: How can high earners limit the financial damage in divorce? : r/Divorce_Men My question for those men then give away their cases: if YOU won't hold your ex accountable, why would you expect anyone else to?
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 03:02 AM
1

There is no way I would pay 500$ for mediation in this situation. Why give her 500 bucks to cheat =on you? That's crae crae
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 02:50 AM
1

I cannot for the life of me understand why you are so cavalier with your defense of this women's parents.... what would I expect from confronting her Dad? I would expect to gain some self respect by responding to abusive behavior in an appropriate way. I would expect to bring the situation to a head and really put the heat on the parents and his wife to stop acting like 4 year old children. I would expect to express my extreme dissatisfaction with their behavior. And again, I would bring his kid…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 01:58 AM
1

This is a great big word salad that essentially says: "do nothing and just take it." Buzzwords like 'boundary' are meaningless the way you describe them. Why? Because you are trying to discourage the enforcing of boundaries- like, for example, confronting her Dad. (who, by the way, you are excusing from some pretty vile behaviour) On second thought, I would confront the whole family, and I would bring the kids with me while doing it. That's a boundary.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 10:52 AM
1

And? So what? The kids are in college and live with their parents. She lives there, too. Their Mother disappears for no reason and won't say what's going on, and you are going to sit here and defend that? Disgusting. Not to mention, her husband. You know, the man she has been married to for decades. On second thought, when he confronts his father in law, he should bring his children with him as well.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 10:46 AM
3

File an emergency motion asking the children to be returned the marital home!
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 01:07 PM
1

There is no need to engage in moral relativism and downplay the outrageousness of what this woman and her parents are doing. In fact, it's so disgusting that it takes your breath away. A question for anyone defending the actions of OP's wife or her parents: if OP did the same thing- meaning he moved out over a petty argument and then went silent , REFUSING to even discuss what the problem was, even as the adult children had no idea what the issue was, and his parents became his co conspirators, …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 01:03 PM
1

As of today, where does your case stand? You need to file an emergency motion for spousal support and full access to the marital home. You absolutely need an attorney. pm me
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 12:53 AM
3

He's married to her for many years, he is not 'pestering' her. She has responsibilities to her family .
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 12:38 AM
1

If I'm you I'm calling her Dad and telling him that it's time for a man to man talk. And if he ignores you, I would literally wait outside of his house and confront him. This is insane what your wife and her parents are doing to you. Her parents are co conspirators at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 12:36 AM
2

Question: if your wife sucks so bad, why would you leave your child with her? Move back in to the marital home!
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 01:15 AM
1

It does not work the way that you insinuate. Again- how many times have we seen guys complaining on this forum that they have no access to funds? An automatic restraining order, effectively, does not prevent someone from taking most or all of the money especially when the person taking it has plausible deniability that they needed it for something and/or they were afraid of dissipation in the first place. Again, I've watched thousands of these cases over the years and I've seen this scenario pla…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 07:57 PM
0

I have never used ai for anything and especially not for this. Read my post, I lived it for 12 years. 700 pleadings, 12 years, and i won full custody with 364 overnights per year : r/Divorce_Men You, on the other hand, have absolutely no clue what you are talking about. And that's really the problem with the system writ large. Guys like you, encouraging other men to lay down and fall on their sword. As to your point, the higher earning spouse can absolutely 100% restrict access to funds if done …
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 07:37 PM
1

Can you prove that your drove there? Text messages from your wife would be great proof. What about school, extra curriculars, etc...?
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 03:46 PM
2

For anyone watching this: if your attorney ever tries to pull the "i signed an agreement on your behalf", you need to address it ASAP. Like, the same day or orst, the next day. Here is what I would do: If and when you go before the Judge to have the agreement ratified, SPEAK UP! "Judge, I never agreed to this. My attorney is acting in an untoward manner and signed this agreement without my consent. I would like to dismiss my attorney and I would like a continuance. I would like the court to cons…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:52 PM
1

any updates? Sorry that happened to you!
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:44 PM
2

Check out my posting history. I won full custody in my case after having (effectively) close to 0 parenting time. This was in a Mom state, Massachusetts. But it took me 3 cracks at custody modification and 12 years to do it. In your situation, the first thing you need to do is amend your filing. Instead of asking for 50/50 custody, you ask for full custody with Mom getting every other weekend. Why? Many reasons. First, if she is trying to push you out of your kids lives, that is an act of war ag…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 12:42 PM
1

If men in your church failed you, it’s not fair to Jesus to walk away from the faith. He would never do that to you. Please reconsider going back to Him.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 06:07 PM
2

It's also very Judge and situation dependent. That is, IF you go to trial. But again, that's only 5-10% of us. IN other words, alimony is not typically awarded. It's given away. And that's the issue that I'm trying to highlight.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 01:16 PM
1

Obviously it’s more nuanced than I posted, all cases are not the same, there are no guarantees in family court, etc…. But the bottom line is that trial =risk, and most women are not going to take that risk when push comes to shove; hence the 2 foundational principles outlined in my original post. And that is why it is terrible advice to tell men to stipulate to alimony in most cases.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 02:21 AM
5

Of course you are an attorney, I looked at your posting history. But that's ok, I'll still respond. What makes you think that most women that have the 100k would waste it on a trial that has a very uncertain result? Alimony is not the fait accompli that you infer here. Listen, if you want to pay your ex wife to have sex, that's your business. Just don't advise other men to do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 12:34 AM
1

Nigga please
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 04:26 PM
1

So she cheated, you called her on it, and you are problem not her? I don’t think so
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 04:21 PM
1

Not exactly. But remember- in my state, it's considered impossible for a Dad to win custody in a contested case. ESPECIALLY in a custody mod where child already lived with Mother. And my ex and her family knew this. But their big mistake was their brazenness. We'd go into court with 10 counts of contempt, all related to my ex not showing up for my parenting time. They'd make BS excuses, mostly that my daughter was sick. So the Judge wrote an order stating that even if my daughter was sick, she w…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 02:26 PM
3

The thing to understand is that Dads are dealing with systemic bias that is far broader than the scope of the family court. ‘Parenting’ is not done in a vacuum. Neighbors, friends. friends parents, schools, medical professionals, family, extended family, churches, sports coaches and many others will be factors in the raising of children. For better or worse, fair or unfair, good, bad, or ugly, most of the aforementioned WILL regard the parent that remains in the family home as the parent with th…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 01:24 AM
2

It's always better to take debt than to give money. So a little trick is to take as much as debt as possible and give as little money as possible. Why? Many reasons. Here are some: Taking debt in a divorce decree does NOT create a liability between you and her creditor. (someone may chime in and disagree- there may be some very RARE exceptions but they would require extraordinary actions from the creditor which is seldom done effectively- BTW I work in this business so I know this for a fact). S…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 12:34 AM
1

Your youngest is only 7 so you are still highly exposed. Listen, I'm a Christian. I believe in saving every marriage that can be saved. I believe people can change; I believe in 2nd and 3rd chances, and forgiveness and working things out. But you also need to be prudent. If I'm you I'm stacking "just in case money" every single paycheck that she does not have access to. Even if it's just 20 bucks here, 20 bucks there. Every dollar will help in case she pulls anything. Make sure you are keeping g…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 12:22 AM
3

Those are all criminal allegations you need to go to the police for them and press charges to the fullest extent of the law. Once she is charged for some/all of them it will be relevant in family court.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 12:00 AM
1

That's great, man. Mom was also sanctioned in my case; although I wish for more. I think we asked for like or 90k and got about 20k, same as you. Dollars to donuts some family court big wig somewhere determined a long time ago that was the penalty for rogue Mom's that they want to make an example out of.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 11:58 PM
3

Ok I'll answer with kind of a non answer, but there is a reason for it so stay with me: Let's say in some hypothetical parallel universe you did give her the house and she was required to refinance within 1 year according to the court order. But after one year, she didn't. You go to her, court order in hand, and tell her she needs to get this done. She tells you she doesn't have the credit to do so. What do you think happens then? Short answer= you spend a lot of money and a whole lot of nothing…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 11:50 PM
2

1000% the right move is to stay in the house if you can. Many of us get forced out. If that happens, you try to force a sale.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 10:51 PM
1

Why can’t you move back into the house and let her move out?
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 10:18 PM
1

Human to human, Dad to Dad, and man to man, if that's true about not being able to trust your ex with your kids, you can't quit on them. Whoever told you that you can't win custody lied to you because you absolutely can. Ask me how I know! The attorney adage in my State= "unless the Mom has a hypodermic needle sticking out of her arm at trial, Mom wins custody." You can look that up on real world divorce (I didn't write it and I have no affiliation with them). Here is my question: can your ex co…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 08:20 PM
2

Well I'll start by saying even though your position could be better, it's not terrible, either. The most important question that you need to ask yourself: do you trust your kids with your ex 50% of the time? If it's me, I probably wouldn't based on what you describe; but I'm not you and you are the one that needs to live with the results, not me. If its me I'm amending my filing asking for full custody. How did you end up on the wrong side of 60/40? Did you stipulate to it? If so, (with all due …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 07:19 PM
3

How old are your kids? Generally speaking, the younger they are the more exposed you are and the closer they get to emancipation the more exposed she is.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 05:29 PM
1

Do you have kids? What is your current court ordered parenting plan? What is your current living arrangement and what is hers? What are the issues that need to be resolved via trial? What State do you live in? As far as her financial situation, she is either getting the money from somewhere or she is running up a large bill that she can't pay. If it's the former you need to know who is paying the bill. Like, you need to make it your job to know. Often this is a new man in the picture. You need t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 05:25 PM
4

If you think she may file for divorce, you need to implement austerity measures NOW. No treats, no extras, no spending money, no clothes. You simply can't afford it at this time. You need to get her working full time. How old are your kids?
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 04:48 PM
6

Short answer: I was in court 1-3x per month for 12 years straight. Longer answer specific to your case: you are fighting the battle on multiple fronts. TRO and complaint for divorce or modification or whatever you are referring to. If there is no restraining order, I would start by simply calling your ex and trying to sit down with her and fix this. Then if that doesn't work, you call her family and try to talk to them. That may sound incredibly obvious and simple, but I can tell you from experi…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 04:41 PM
7

No I didn't keep the same attorney. I had many, and at times I was unrepresented. My total fees were around 200k, but if I had to do it over again I could have cut the fees at least in half. Here are a few tricks re: attorney; You absolutely need an attorney for criminal allegations if you get arrested. You need an attorney to represent you in a temp hearing; usually 3-4k. You need an attorney if you are deposing anyone (usually a wise move if your case is highly contested); usually 4-5k. IF you…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 04:05 PM
4

My situation was similar. My ex wife's family was well to do and very connected. As far as waves, you want to make them. What that looks like in your case is very situation dependent, but bottom line: the minute your ex, her attorney, or her family steps over the line, you challenge it. Not in a brash, loud, boisterous way, in a firm and unyielding way. One of the most common examples that I see is that if your ex files for full custody, asking that you be awarded every other weekend or less in …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 03:52 PM
6

Why can’t you do a daytime custody where the kids sleep in your home and she sees them during the day?
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 01:07 AM
1

If this were me I would start talking to her family about her refusing to shower and refusing to take care of her responsibilities. I would be very directly and emphatically demanding on a daily and probably even an hourly basis that she take a shower.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 03:16 AM
1

why wouldn't you get the house?
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 06:22 PM
2

As to your question, start at the beginning. What is your current court ordered parenting time and was it awarded after a contested hearing or stipulated to?
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 06:09 PM
-11

I'm not a coach! I even said that in my post. Why don't you man up and be honest?
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 04:26 PM
-9

Unfortunately the scumbag moderators of this forum do not want the truth out there. sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 04:19 PM
2

Why did you move out? Move back in!
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 03:20 PM
1

Retiring is PROBABLY the right play for you, but it depends on your age, the age of your children, and what you think the likelihood is that your wife will file soon. How old are you, your children, and your wife? Do you think you can get her to hold off on filing for a year or 2?
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 03:14 PM
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