Hi everyone:

Look at my posting history; I've been around the family court block for 16 years. After 12, I won my case. I'm probably not going to make many friends with this post, but I feel that it needs to be made. And maybe more importantly, hopefully it helps a few people out there. The thing is, whether you are going through it or about to go through it or already gone through it, you have the opportunity to grow, change, learn, and have a brighter future. It's been my observation that the men that embrace accountability are the ones that find ways to overcome their past, their trauma, and their circumstances.

Ok, here goes-

Women take a lot of heat in our circles for their behavior in divorce and family court. A lot of it; most of it even, is warranted. I'm not here to carry their water and I'm certainly not here to defend the system, because for the most part it is indefensible. But there is a part of the discussion that we hear precious little about- how do men contribute to the unjustness of the family court system?

My observations:

1. It's a well known axiom in the divorce system that men are much more likely to blindly follow the advice of their attorney than women are.

This may sound like a good thing, but it's not! Anywhere between 90-95% of divorces are settled before trial, and the vast majority of those settlements are bad deals signed by men endorsed by their attorneys. The truth is that men are far more likely to throw their cases away than women are.

2. Men are far more likely to commit tactical blunders in divorce than women are.

This can take many forms. Moving out of the marital home is a big one and a common one. Also, agreeing to alimony, giving away inordinate shares of the marital estate, agreeing to supervised visits or reduced parenting schedules, failing to protect marital assets, and perhaps the worst one, giving away money to their wife or even ex wife for no reason. The last one is so common and so infuriatingly prevalent that I've concluded that a high percentage of men have a strange compulsion/burning desire to give money to their exes for no reason.

3. Men are much less likely to take advice from those that actually know what they are talking about than women are.

Because my case is well known where I live, I've had a ton of people reach out to me asking for advice about their divorce- both men and women. At this point, I've talked to several hundred people. Even though most of them are men, I can count the number of men that have actually listened to winning strategy and tactics on one hand. Most women diligently listen and follow instructions, however. Again, this may piss some people off- but its the truth.

4. Men are much more likely to give bad advice to other men than women would give to other women in divorce.

Again, women take a lot of shade for justifying behavior after divorce. But men are at least as bad and this is one of the ugly proofs of that. Men that throw away their cases tend to not be satisfied. They then tend to double down and try to get other men to throw away their cases as well. This is the genesis of the real garbage advice: do whatever your attorney tells you, give away custody, move out of the home, give away free money for nothing, etc....

I may add to this in time. Hopefully it generates some good discussion.