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PlatyupsCommittee Archive

View 10 posts and 153 comments by PlatyupsCommittee on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

True.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 10:12 PM
34

Unfortunately I've encountered women who "voluntarily" participated in such things. It isn't that hard to believe that some women would go along with being abused. I'm sure we've all known women who are traumatized and so they cut or burn themselves. I see "willing" participation in this sort of sex as a continuation of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 08:29 PM
4

An added note to complement everything everyone else said: EVERY marriage comes with a plan about how assets will be split in the case of divorce. Without a custom prenup crafted by the couple, that plan is simply made by the state instead of by the couple. Everyone getting married should understand the laws about how assets are split in case of divorce in their locality. With that information, they can decide whether the state's "prenup" is suitable for them, or whether they want to craft their…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 07:34 PM
30

I think the part that caused the biggest eyeroll for me was actually how he acted like any modern medical care that gets near his balls would be the height of human indignity and suffering. Jesus Christ. I refused to be poked and prodded like an animal by doctors Like ALL modern medical care? Really? Would he refuse to be "poked and prodded like an animal" if he had mysterious gallbladder pain? I doubt it. Lmao. and have my beanbag examined in medical facilities. Yeah, because women never have T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 07:05 PM
19

There is no such thing as a LDR with someone you haven't met yet anyway. "I have a boyfriend but we haven't met in person yet" = "I am living in fantasy land." Could somebody who lives far away maybe become a boyfriend after he puts effort into visiting you and doing all the other stuff mentioned in the OP? Sure. But there is no such thing as being boyfriend and girlfriend BEFORE meeting in person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 06:07 AM
14

This is how I feel too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 06:02 AM
3

There are still ways to get around that. Snapchat isn't safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 03:03 PM
11

As soon as somebody becomes a self-styled marriage guru telling everybody that marriage is hard work and sometimes you'll hate each other, I know they're heading for a divorce soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 09:13 PM
33

They're away from home half the time, in hotels for every overnight layover. A lot of them cheat with flight attendants since flight attendants are just automatically in the same hotels for layovers, but it isn't limited to just flight attendants. One of my female friends is a flight attendant and she can't stand seeing how much the pilots fuck around (often with the help of her fellow flight attendants).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 06:34 PM
18

Then they go, "She was using me for a green card!" Lmfao. No shit. That's the only thing you were good for, dude. I want to say, "Congratulations: that was the one and only time you managed to improve a woman's life. Even though it was an accident on your part."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 06:21 PM
23

They do exist but they're rare. I would say my husband is even calmer than I am (and I'm pretty calm) and thinks through his emotions and does a lot of emotional labor. As much as I do. He strongly believes it's a man's job to be his partner's "port in the storm" who is calm and steady and safe and a source of relief. He looks down on men who aren't like that and sees them basically as failures who stayed little boys but never became what men are supposed to be. He learned by example from his da…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 06:46 PM
30

I have never understood how anyone can be so immature and dense even though I have seen it. My response to women who buy into that shit ("He's just so emotional") is always, "Oh really? Then why doesn't he yell at his pastor like that even when he's pissed as hell? Why does he do it to you and then become calm the moment he knows somebody who would protect you is around?" They can behave calmly whenever they want to. They just don't want to when they're alone with a woman who loves them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 06:37 PM
7

There are still some "HVM" by your definition (which excludes any internal traits) who'd hit every single woman early on even if every single woman broke up with him the first time. There are other men who'd never hit a woman regardless, even if he didn't value her very much. That's just one example. Of course, those traits are also externally influenced - but I believe mostly by how they were raised.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 06:23 PM
9

That's definitely a good point in a technical sense, but you also never want to get to a point where he stops doing things because of love and only does things as a trade. That's the sort of situation that lands you with a guy who'd leave you if you get sick... or stop doing chores when you're sick since, hey, you're being "useless", so he'll be useless too. Or you wind up with a guy who, for instance, never gives you oral sex unless you already gave him a blowjob. That sort of thing. That's a v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 08:11 PM
15

I met precisely two couples where this made sense: She was a stay at home wife. The husband, being one of the rare non-asshole men, realized it would take her some time to get back into the workforce... and that, until then, she still needed to be on his health insurance. She got some additional job training to update her skills. Once she had a good job with benefits they signed the papers. (They divorced because originally they both wanted kids but then she realized motherhood wasn't what she w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 06:29 PM
31

I agree. "Men are wired for [whatever]," is often used as an excuse for terrible behavior. Also realistically it's just not my experience that men never have a talkative love language. I know lots of men who are talkers and lots of women who are fixers. More often (from what I've seen) people are somewhere in between but just lean more to one side. I've tried to be happy dating men who aren't even a little on the talker side but it didn't work. It always wound up as one of those "I'd rather be s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 05:54 PM
16

3 weeks is way too early for anything special. I agree with /u/missrex on that. Some people really like giving gifts though, and would never fail to give the woman they're interested in a gift, so he might get you one. In that case, you could have a small gift ready. I again agree with missrex: a Starbucks gift card or something, for 10 dollars at most. Most important part: do not give it to him if he doesn't give you a gift first. If he doesn't give you a gift first you can just never tell him …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 08:32 PM
2

I hope it helps!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 08:25 PM
2

It is! The friend who taught me this is still my bestie many years later. <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 08:24 PM
5

It happens to everyone! I have precisely one friend who automatically has the perfect words 95% of the time. It's a freaking superpower. The rest of us mere mortals have to practice. I learned about it from one of my friends actually. I was too terrified to set boundaries with my awful parent... even though I didn't even live at home. I described to my friend how I would just freeze up or cry or try to JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain) even though it was impossible to get this parent to be …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 08:16 PM
65

This is something every woman needs to understand. One of my friends dated a guy who said he was 30 when in reality he was 45. He looked somewhere in the middle of those two ages I think. Anyway, she was 35 and his family knew that, and when she was introduced to his family she was like, "He's so wonderful. I wasn't sure younger men could be so mature!" His whole family smiled and nodded along. She only discovered his real age when he accidentally left his driver's license out and she examined i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 10:11 PM
3

I'm sorry. I don't think you're an idiot. I can see my comment was pretty insulting though considering the actual meaning and context of your post. And re-reading my comment I can see it seems kind of gaslighty itself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 07:04 PM
138

Jesus fucking Christ. What a pathetic man and situation. I had one try something similar on me once. He suddenly said he of course felt his ex was better but, like, she was also so impossible, and I was so much more easygoing so he felt happier even though I wasn't as beautiful or interesting. I was silent for a few moments while he assumed he'd just destroyed my self-esteem enough that I'd work extra hard to please him. Then. Me: You don't deserve to settle. I won't let you. Good luck. I smiled…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 08:39 AM
18

The first hint I had that he was HV was when he said “I make more then you. How about you save all your money and we live off mine”. There were no special strings attached. YES!!! This is such a HV sign. Wonderful. He really understood how things should be. Most guys who make a lot more money are like, "Well, you should pay half if you're not a gold digger," or some shit like that. I think it's a mixture of them not truly wanting to be a team - they want to be totally separate in all the practic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 07:41 AM
10

But invariably even good men get complacent. Agreed. I need to read these posts to remind myself to stay woke, work on myself and build my empire. You are awesome. And I love your username.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 07:29 AM
27

So sweet. What you describe includes a few of my favorite things: a man making a delicious breakfast without waking up his wife and also taking care of the kids without waking her up Obviously cooking and caring for kids are basic things men should do, but it's extra special in the morning since then you get to sleep longer and you wake up to a pleasant day instead of a stressful day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 07:26 AM
7

This place will keep me keen as well Yay! I feel the same. I think I do a pretty good job, but I always want to learn more, and this place is great. Some of the advice doesn't apply so much once you already know somebody has earned a lot of trust over the years, but a lot of it really does.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 07:21 AM
5

to counter all the redpill and mgtow shit I read over the past few years... I know what you mean.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 07:18 AM
14

I really like your comment. And yes, every once in a while doing things all wrong turns out fine anyway. :) I don't just mean with relationships either. It applies to everything. Like those dropouts who become millionaires. It would be crazy to recommend that path, but it happens. And it sounds like the path you took wound up in a very good place! I also like that you point out that even HVM still aren't perfect of course. And it's great that you've gotten therapy and that this sub is helping yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 07:17 AM
29

I have a question that might be uncomfortable... Are the LVM the ones you find most exciting? If that's the case, there are two possibilities: You've been unlucky enough that the only HVM you meet are objectively boring. You find high value itself boring. High value traits like affection and stability and respect bore you, and low value traits like aloofness and disrespect excite you. Could it be the latter? If so, the solution is therapy. I'm not at all trying to be insulting, and I do not assu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 07:11 AM
4

I co-sign everything in this comment. Living in isolation feels bad. It's not worth it. It's better to be single for life than to be with an abusive LVM who will use things against you. Literally, if you have to keep this from a man because he is the sort to do what's described in the OP, HE IS A TERRIBLE, ABUSIVE PERSON! Why would you even want to keep him? I truly cannot comprehend any good reason to stay with a man who would behave like that, even if you DON'T tell him. Because men who do thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 01:36 AM
35

The heart of the issue is that these men don't recognize, appreciate or value domestic and emotional labor. They flat out don't see you giving up your career and body to stay home raising children as a sacrifice. Yes. I don't think this will be too identifying of me - it mentions me knowing a famous person, but I won't be mentioning how I knew him, and his son said this shit to fuckin' everyone. So Neil Armstrong and his wife eventually divorced. She, of course, kept some of THEIR money in the d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/19 11:51 PM
3

OMG. Are you me? Am I you? I'm in neuroscience as well. "Mild autism" is soooo just symptoms of being intelligent. If somebody found a way to make sure "mildly autistic" people were never born, there would be almost nobody left coming up with any interesting scientific or mathematical ideas at all, for instance. Pretty much every goddamn mathematician I've ever met had "symptoms" of "mild autism." Same with physicists. And most biologists and chemists too. I myself am apparently not diagnosable …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/19 05:25 PM
50

I pretty much never see this talked about, but it's absolutely true. Sure, those diagnoses are real and some people really have them. Other people are just displaying symptoms of being abused. And then the victim is the one to get diagnosed with shit they don't even have while their abuser happily goes along with no diagnosis at all. And their abuser almost certainly uses the diagnosis against them, too. I don't know how many times I've talked to women whose ex husbands said crap like, "I'll get…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/19 04:58 AM
69

Yes, I've encountered this. There are several different possibilities I have seen in my own experience and in the experiences of friends: He's one of those guys who loses interest once he has sex too soon, and yet he's part of the rare breed self-aware to know this and manage it. He doesn't want to lose interest in you. He's religious and believes sex should not happen before marriage, but has not yet brought this fact up. He's asexual. (Yes, asexual men do exist. They're rare, but they exist.) …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 11:11 PM
17

Yes, exactly. It's not like the next woman is so perfect that she's more worthy of him being good to her - it's more like maybe he's learned some things about how NOT to go about relationships. I'm an optimist (and also I want the best for every woman) and so I view it in a happy way - like... yay, he's probably learned some lessons, and the women who come after me might have a better time. But as you say, it's not OP's problem, and OP shouldn't make it her problem. And accepting a LVM simply ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 05:14 AM
26

I just can't understand how they think a woman letting them traumatize her = love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 04:28 AM
23

Good lord, those comments. I thought about wading into the comments to point out why some people there are profoundly wrong, but no. There would be no point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 04:23 AM
14

Therapy. A lot of therapy. Find a therapist who specializes in PTSD if possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 04:21 AM
38

I think I've left a few men with enough new knowledge for them to become more HV after I ended things. Like - they learned some serious lessons from losing me, and there's one in particular who I'm pretty sure got his shit together once I ended things and became better for the next woman, who he married. We have an overlapping social circle and she seems pretty happy, and I'd like to think his relationship with me taught him some things about how to treat a woman and that these lessons are now b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 04:09 AM
10

Hmm. I've never noticed a correlation based on how I'm dressed. I think it's also hard to sort this out since there are so many ways a man could mention his gf or wife. Off the top of my head: He's mentioning her because he's so fucking crazy about her that he loves telling people about her. (This is always so adorable. One of my friends has a husband who still, after 25 years, can't shut up about her. It's so sweet.) If he and I (and the other women in the group, if we're in a group) are friend…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 03:59 AM
2

Various people disagree. I do personally think men can be feminists (for the reason you describe). Other people feel that agreeing with feminist ideas and goals merely makes a male an ally of feminists. To me it's really just semantics; a male feminist vs. a male feminist ally both mean "a male who agrees with feminist ideas and goals" and so I don't really care about arguments as related to their specific titles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 10:31 PM
3

I think she just means that he agrees with feminist ideas and goals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 02:40 AM
2

No. Taking exes back just teaches them there's no such thing as actually being dumped - that, no matter what they do, they can still get you back. It's toxic. If he's really turning into a HVM (doubtful, but maybe) he can go be a HVM for someone else. Because if you take him back, he'll turn LV again. Since, again, he'll have learned that it doesn't matter how LV he is as long as he can fake being HV once he's dumped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 11:10 PM
43

If I had to date again at my age now (mid-thirties) I'd be extremely wary of a virgin. But you're nineteen. No big deal at your age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 12:51 AM
30

he only really seems to want sex right before going to bed Why is he the one whose preferences decide everything? You really don't like having sex late at night when you're tired. Why do you think his preference is so much more important than yours? Is it because you're worried you won't get any sex at all if you don't accomodate his preferences? I can understand that sort of worry. However, if he knows you're always up for it whenever he feels like it, that won't inspire him to have more sex wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 08:00 PM
7

I don't like to be woken up for sex and he knows that, so he wouldn't have tried that. But if he had I would have said no, and left him to figure out that if he didn't make time for me early in the night then he simply wouldn't get that time (which is what he did figure out, fortunately without any intermediate attempts to wake me). I guess that would be a serious issue if you were with a guy who would just think to himself, "Okay, if she won't be available, I'll watch porn," and I don't know of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 07:13 PM
234

Yes. This is very true. I'm one of the married people here and I think sometimes my comments could indicate that my husband is always perfect. It probably comes off like bragging. However, he is not perfect. Is he HV? Yes, in my opinion, he is. I think he fits this sub's definition of high value as well. And he is a good human being. HOWEVER. You are so right - actions matter. Typically with him I'll use my words once, and typically he'll go, "Oh, right, sorry," and fix whatever the issue is. Bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 09:26 AM
11

I think a lot of us have just encountered many guys who make gaming the focus of their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 01:34 AM
21

Men are so bad at making women cum that they rationalize the lack of finality to a woman's arousal as "multiple orgasms", despite this hardly ever being the case. Women buy into it as well, mistaking the normal ups and downs of a sexual encounter as orgasms. YES. It's so crazy how many men I've met who say all their girlfriends were multiorgasmic and came over and over again only a few seconds apart every time they had sex. Like - wtf is this bullshit? I've met a few women who think that too, un…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 09:12 PM
22

I've found myself having to hit, scratch, and scream at numerous men who grab at me on the street. On the one hand it's always dangerous to provoke them even more. On the other hand I've found that trying to ignore them has, at least in my experience, made them more likely to escalate. It's a no-win situation but eventually I just started getting in their fucking faces. My aim is really just to convince them I'm far crazier than they are - that I'm utterly unpredictable and that, if they escalat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 08:39 PM
26

And they don't understand it starts young. I'd like to hope that dude wouldn't also blame a tween when that sort of thing is done to her, but I don't have much faith.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 08:32 PM
26

That trend was not good. The general shape looks kind of okay as a stand-alone image but it doesn't look good on a face. I didn't know any women who liked it either. I added something about the old-timey mustaches to my comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 08:39 AM
26

the important part is that i was physically away from him during this time Ha! and it was hilarious I'm sure it was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 08:25 AM
27

Good point. I do like rough hands in that sense. I just can't believe how many guys think it's apparently sexy to get touched by hands with red dry knuckles and jagged cuticles. I should've been more clear that I'm talking to guys who are doing things really, really wrong. Callouses do survive lotion though. :) My husband has callouses and they live to see another day even when he uses hand lotion. I agree with you though - a man's hands will ideally show that he actually does things with them t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 07:48 AM
90

Guys, keep your nails short and smooth. We don't want long or jagged nails inside us, okay? Most of you shave wrong and you get razor burn or any other variety of little red bumps and problems - the internet can help you with that. Your dad probably didn't do a good job teaching you how to shave. Take care of your skin. Not even just for our sake - for yours. If you're pale especially, wear some fucking sunscreen please. You do have a wall. Delay it through use of sunscreen. (Also, you don't wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 06:36 AM
2

Wow. I'm glad to have written something worthy of being there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 01:52 AM
4

I think scent matters more than a lot of people realize. Somebody can just "smell wrong." Sometimes it's for obvious reasons like the person being stinky because they don't take care of themselves, but in other cases that's not why they smell wrong. Like if you took a hundred visually hot, physically fit, recently showered people and put them in a room with me (or with you, or with anyone) and then we had to sniff them all, some would smell great and some would still smell wrong. Conversely, som…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 01:41 AM
39

Matt: And on the third time, I finally said yes Matt: I never get lucky like this lmao. Perfect example of how dating down doesn't mean a man will appreciate you because you're out of his league. His "sport stuff" is a single pair of rollerblades. I love how they keep trying to figure out why she's with him. Carpenter Steve: We need to make it easy for Jacquelyn to get around the house since she's visually impaired. Becker Cheeks: That's it! That's why you two are together. He lets you step out.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 01:20 AM
3

I don't know why I didn't think of them first. They're like the most obvious example ever. You're right - president of the U.S. is about as high as a man can get. And Barack clearly wasn't just keeping Michelle around because it's a bad political move to divorce. Barack's crazy about her. I think what we can learn from both these cases though is that it was never a woman sacrificing everything she is for a man. Both Priscilla and Michelle had entire lives going on unrelated to their male partner…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 12:41 AM
1

It's something to be aware of. I wouldn't tell you to worry about it since you'll just stress yourself out. I also wouldn't tell you to dump him. However - I'd just say be careful to keep your boundaries and make sure he never ever stops treating you like a queen, and that he NEVER gets the impression that you think he and his life path are your world. If he doesn't keep treating you just as well at any point in time, don't chalk it up to relationships just getting less romantic or worse over ti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 09:16 PM
65

Alternative suggestion: Have a nice gift ready. Don't give it to him unless he's given you one first (and the one he's given you isn't crap). Then if he gives you one, and it's a good one, you can give him the gift. Otherwise, you can return the gift you got for him. He'll never know you got it. Just don't get too emotionally invested in the gift you got for him. Be ready to return it. Also, of course make sure it's nothing extravagent or that took you too much time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 09:03 PM
4

"Why are you here by yourself?" is actually something I only got asked when I went to a bar alone. I don't think I've ever been asked that anywhere else. I don't know - maybe people go around asking it all the time and I'm just lucky I haven't heard it. But I go a lot of places on my own and so far it's not something anyone has asked. It's incredibly rude to ask that, for one thing. I agree with /u/stillcantsee that going somewhere alone is a confident thing to do, not a lame or LV thing to do. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 06:34 PM
10

I tried the whole "give a HVM I'm not attracted to a chance" thing. No bueno. And the funny thing is, he wasn't objectively ugly at all. It was something in my own mind - I eventually realized his looks reminded me of an ex boyfriend of my mom's when I was little! Eww. Anyway it didn't work for me at all. Our pheromones must not have been a match either because I didn't get that good feeling I expect to get when I'm breathing in close to a guy's neck or hair if I'm into him. For me, I never need…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 05:45 PM
14

Wow. How apt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 02:56 AM
56

Socialist men are almost entirely dudes who want Big Mother to take care of them forever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 02:03 AM
24

Literal Keanu! Fun. Anyway, it's silly that it's news, but she does look great. Maybe the fact that this "news" highlights that she's confident and obviously attractive will encourage other women to feel good about their grey hair. Grey hair is really pretty. I would actually describe it as silver hair. It looks metallic, which is obviously awesome. There was a trend recently of high fashion young women dying their hair grey and it looked great IMO. Whenever I see a woman who's clearly embracing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 01:22 AM
122

OP in the comments: but also I feel so bad when I think she could be having sex with someone else... Lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 12:05 AM
19

Wow. Those top comments. Age gaps are one thing - fucking minors is another. And fucking minors when you're a senior citizen? I... can't even think of words for how horrible that is. (Obviously it's not only wrong to have sex with minors - it would also be wrong and predatory even if the kid was technically an adult, but not an old enough adult to hold his own. But the fact that this kid is a minor... wow, in a bad way. ) I hope it's a troll too (the "my parents are okay with it" thing makes it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:36 PM
8

Exactly. Isn't it horrible? And then they go around having the goddamn nerve to whine about child support and how rough it is to be attached to a woman for 18 years through a kid. It's like, "Buddy, you know how you didn't want to wear a condom? Yeah? You remember that? And you remember how she wanted a condom but you convinced her not to use one? You do? So... do you see... any connection... any connection at all... between that fact, and the fact that you're now paying child support? No? Not e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:10 PM
2

Yes! And it's so easy to fall for if you don't know better. There are a lot of guys like that but the worst one I encountered gave a story that went something like this: "Yeah... when I was a little boy my mom killed herself and I found the body. And... my pregnant wife... she died of a pulmonary embolism in the middle of the night... my dad always beat me... I have no family in the whole world." Then he started crying. I was really young when I met this one so I had the same reaction you did. A…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 12:40 PM
6

Ha, that's great. The person who said that this will give you more confidence even if you're not really into him was also right!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 12:29 PM
46

Hmm, I'm not exactly into that type, but if I were I'd just tell him, "No. Friday. Only available Friday." Then leave him to figure out how to make it work on Friday. He's scrambled like crazy (if he was even being honest at all about having other stuff scheduled) so if you're still into him you may as well order him to schedule the date when you want him to. He'll scramble even more crazily to free up his Friday if he's even a little worthwhile. (And if he was lying about his busy schedule, he'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 07:09 AM
6

Oh, ok, here's what I mean. I mean people who share them when there's no bond. It's like a fake shortcut to intimacy basically. It makes people start loving (or "loving") each other before they've actually established that it's a good idea. Basically, a healthy reason to share deeply personal things is because you already have good reason to trust somebody. It could deepen a bond that's already there. Sharing deeply personal things to form a bond is doing stuff backwards. This isn't just true wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 11:25 PM
1

Wow... that's an impressive list. Some people like that are actually sweet, but it's not something anyone with a brain can put up with forever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 09:37 PM
39

Ghost. You didn't finally bag him. He just wanted a warm body to kiss. Also when people tell you who they are (if what they're telling you is bad), believe them. He told you his head is fucked up. He told you who he is. Believe it. Edit: At first I accidentally wrote "when people tell you who you are." I can tell the people here realize that it was a typo, but I just wanted to clarify I changed it to what I meant - "when people tell you who THEY are."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 06:52 PM
38

OMG this reminds me of a family reunion when I was a teenager. Gotta be clear here and say my family is full of shitty people so I noped outta there as soon as I could and made sure to be nothing like them. Anyway a bunch of uncles, cousins, and even a few of the older men started arguing about what women really want. They were all soooooo wrong. Whenever an actual woman piped up they ignored her entirely. Even though my family is full of pickmes, they're still women, so they did know what women…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 06:47 PM
23

You've got some good basics. About a guy asking you to pick: pretty early on I realized that, though some men believe they're being nice by letting you pick, a lot of them are just low effort dudes who don't like to plan dates. So I learned to say, "Hmm, surprises are more fun. You pick." If he can't or won't do that, he's either a future-HVM who still has yet to learn that it's not so nice to "let" women pick (so, he's not good enough yet, and you pass on him), or a LVM who just doesn't want to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 06:37 PM
4

Is this dude literally God? No? He's just a random person? In that case, there's no reason to believe this says anything about you. If anything, he's the one who earned some judgment. He was a weenie who pretended to be interested when he really wasn't. How a cowardly, misleading weenie assesses you definitely should not be taken seriously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 06:24 PM
38

In my mid-thirties - I also get genuinely carded. In my case - thanks sunscreen. :) I know women in their early forties who still get carded for real (ie not just a standard "we have to card everyone who isn't elderly"). Women seem to age fast when they treat their bodies like dumpsters for booze and cigarettes and, in the case of pale women, go tanning all the time, but most women don't do that. Whereas even guys who take good care of themselves age fast. Sure, some of them take good enough car…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 06:16 PM
5

When I had female roommates I found them online. Real women want to be safe so when you find a real woman looking for a roommate online she'll be happy to meet you first and talk about your mutual expectations so she knows YOU'RE a real woman who wants to be safe too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 05:35 PM
43

My lesbian/bi friends tell me there are tons of women looking for women on the dating sites (big liberal city) but then when you click on half the profiles they're just looking for a girl to join them and their boyfriend in a threesome. Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 05:27 PM
5

I would look for a female roommate if I were you and if it would be about the same financially. Most likely scenario, you two will just politely leave each other alone and it will over all be pretty peaceful - you might annoy each other sometimes but nothing to the level of how bad a failed romantic relationship feels. Best case scenario, you'll wind up with a new friend. If you can't find any better financial situation but you find living with him at least tolerable, you could just view him as …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 05:14 PM
17

That's a really, really good way of describing that. I'll have to remember that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 07:13 AM
30

he is only trash when That's the answer. I dated a lovely HVM who eventually (not at first - saying deeply personal things in order to form a bond rather than in reaction to a bond is fucked up) let me know he'd been molested by a coach when he was little. He got teary-eyed despite never having gotten anywhere close to crying before or after. I, like you, was moved to know he understood I had earned that level of trust. The relationship ended for other reasons (fundamentally incompatible life go…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 06:57 AM
71

All they have to gain from it is good relationships with HVW. But most of them don't care to have good relationships with HVW. That's really why a lot of men are/stay LV - their perspective is so skewed that they can't even begin to imagine the depth of love you can experience with another person, and therefore have no reason to try and experience that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 06:30 AM
105

Wow. So she's asking for something completely reasonable - a basic accommodation for her most basic sexual satisfaction, one which literally harms nothing but his ego - and people are defending him? If a woman showed up saying, "He's asking me for anal and that feels like a lot to ask for - it makes me feel like my vagina isn't good enough, and it would be painful," she'd never hear the end of people calling her a prude/crazily insecure. Except her complaint would actually be legitimate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 06:22 AM
39

I think the answer to that is pretty clear...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 06:19 AM
13

Some of them do. I don't think most of the ones who style themselves as feminists know though. They genuinely think they're superior to us - better human beings, more lovable. They think we are awful and they think we're the ones who look pathetic for insisting on being treated well. They basically see us as bratty little toddlers who want candy all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 11:37 PM
22

This is so tough. I wish I had good advice, but I don't have a son so I don't know how I'd handle it. However one thing to keep in mind: TONS of men I've known say they first stumbled upon porn at 10 or 11 and were regularly viewing it by 12 or 13.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 08:37 PM
13

"Nobody will love you like I do." I hope not! That's why I'm dumping you. You're really bad at this whole love thing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 03:14 PM
22

I don't want to give it Time, I'm impatient Nobody wants to give it time. Nobody ever thinks, "Oh yes, I want to spend more time in pain. That sounds great!" That doesn't mean they're wrong to say to give it time. You can't ask a question and then be like, "Oh, but if the answer is the thing I don't want to hear, don't say that." The answer is what it is - whether you want that answer or not. That's me giving it to you straight. But on a happier note, time WILL fix this even though you hate hear…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 06:28 AM
2

Oh... yeah, I hadn't looked at her profile before. You're right. It's a teenager.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 05:58 AM
2

The pickme friend I described in the OP was also always inviting shitbag guys-of-the-week to our hangouts. Ugh. And yet she gave me a hard time that ONE TIME I wanted to invite a boyfriend to something. And then, as I described in the OP, tried to seduce him. WTF? She had serious problems. I hope she's gotten over them by now, but I doubt it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 05:54 AM
2

Seems that way to me too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 05:47 AM
19

somehow he didn't lower his effort even though he could have. Every once in a while you will stumble upon a man who's actually just really good. Without any disclaimers. Or perhaps you'll find one who is so crazy about you that lack of strategy can't ruin things, because your mere existence in his life is an unwitting strategy unto itself. So if you've found one of those, and you want to raise standards: Just say a highly abridged version of what you said here. "In the past I didn't realize roma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 07:44 AM
17

My thought is, if you are lucky enough to be past their desirable age (35 or younger) you don't have to worry and/or fear them approaching you. No no no. Not true. It's true that some people become more mature and just over all better with age, but it's not something you should expect or rely on. A lot of men assume 35+ women are desperate and treat those women accordingly. In reality, older women (and I don't honestly see a 35yo woman as being "older" - women who take care of themselves seem to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 03:56 AM
11

To answer your question in the most technical sense: obviously you won't find an ice hockey guy if you don't live near ice hockey guys. As far as practical advice goes: this seems almost like a form of oneitis. It's not about one guy, but rather about idolozing a certain sport. It strikes me as really similar to idolizing boys in bands. You'll screw yourself over big time if you convince yourself that men are HV simply because they play a sport (or instrument) you find sexy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 02:26 AM
7

I really appreciate you posting it. I agree that not everything she says would work for every person (I read her post very carefully, twice, and so I think I've taken in everything she said), but that's okay. She's asking us to be thinkers, and so it would be against the most important thing she advised if we didn't think and instead just agreed to follow every little thing she says. But she makes some goddamn good points and she backs the big points up. Thanks for sharing this with us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 11:56 PM
34

I'm sure some people here must like beards (everyone thinks different things look good) but I've always thought they look like face-pubes. It's fun to be here and see people who aren't going, "Oh, but a beard looks so manly and sexy, so if you don't like beards you don't like real men." (Yes, I've heard that before. As well as people comparing wanting a man to shave to wanting a woman to wax her vulva.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 11:53 PM
36

I just finished reading a book by Dylan's mother. I feel so awful for her. She had no idea what he was actually like. (Some people who've read the book think she must be lying about that, but to me it seems like it is probably true - who looks at their own child and thinks, "Oh yeah, since he's down in the dumps he'll shoot up a school"? I don't know anybody who thinks that about their boys.) Obviously I don't want to take away from the pain of the parents who lost children (or of the wife of th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 11:36 PM
8

He and the brother who is not an asshole are definitely keepers. (My SIL married to the good brother is happy as a clam.) I guess their shitty brother does serve one purpose: he's a good example for them of what NOT to do if you're a man who wants a happy life. That guy is fucking miserable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 11:20 PM
13

I'm not sure what any of us could say. She already knows he's a cheater since she was helping him do it. I assume he probably tells her crap like, "My wife is frigid and crazy - all of my exes abused me." I know he said that stuff to his brothers before they shut him down. So far I have never figured out a way to convince a young (and unwise) woman in love that her man is a complete POS if she isn't already moving towards that conclusion herself. It seems like the guys always use warnings like t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 10:24 PM
11

I personally like bi men. I mean, not all of them obviously lol, but I dated a few and I liked them. I felt like they were more empathetic to women than most men. However, you don't have to be into them. I would say it's homophobic if you think they're all bad people just for being bi, but not wanting to date them is not homophobic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 09:09 PM
8

I think you've summed him up perfectly. And thank you. :) I wasn't sure at first that my thoughts would be right for this sub since I'm married but I'm glad if any of my advice helps anyone. Also the people here have already helped me think in new ways about a few things, too. In one of my first posts I kind of advised against looking through phones but now I've come around to seeing why it's a good thing to do. It's still not something I personally want to do (it seems kind of besides the point…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 08:24 PM
16

Yeah it's very well done. She looks so natural. I just worry sometimes that women who can't afford such things might compare themselves to celebrities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 07:42 PM
16

I've seen it work out in these situations: You have kids together (like /u/CuriousCatNYC777 mentioned) and you're both mature people who just weren't compatible. I honestly don't think this is usually very fun either, but it's nice for the kids. You were both really young (like in high school) and it was never serious - you were just two kids having fun and you were both good kids, neither of whom broke the other's heart. I guess there must be other circumstances where it works out (ie it's a ni…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 07:38 PM
19

Being short? Literally most don't care if you're a great guy (most shorties are angry "nice guys" tho). So true. I am not saying it's wrong for a woman to reject short men - but there are still many of us who don't mind. The few short men I've known who aren't jackass "nice guys" throwing themselves pity parties had no trouble finding good women. Some of them even wound up with tall women because they brought so much else to the table and never got resentful or whiny about shit like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 07:19 PM
60

She's absolutely beautiful. But please remember: she's had tons of plastic surgery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 08:49 AM
23

This is so so so true. To add on: For my fellow women who have become single mothers, try not to feel like failures. Sadly in my case I was taken advantage of by a grown man when I wasn't even an adult yet, and I did not have access to abortion. (But my daughter is goddamn awesome, so even though I condemn what was done to me and how I didn't have any options, I'm SO glad to have her.) I have always felt a kinship with other single moms, whether they were like me, or they were adult women who ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 11:38 PM
29

lmao. It's true - I can't imagine Obama negging Michelle. (Or her putting up with it if someone did. I'm sure she rejected many useless men.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 09:33 PM
34

The only addition is that, if I were her, I'd still wait another couple weeks for sex since it's possible he only asked to be exclusive because he hoped she'd have sex as soon as he did that. In other words, it would be clear to him that she was having sex in response to how he played things. I've had sex earlier in the relationship than advised here but I believe it worked for me specifically since it still didn't seem like it was for the men. Whereas I think having sex the moment they ask for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 09:07 PM
2

Yeah. A typo + making fun of the typo. This does not in any way mean she'd actually let her husband fuck another woman, or that he'd want to. I mean maybe one of those things is true, but this bit of text isn't enough to indicate that. When I clicked on this thread I thought it was going to be something about a guy trying to boast about all the "hoes" he gets [in his imagination]. It's true that "hoes" are the sort of thing some people would never joke about - "the personal is political" after a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 08:48 PM
48

Being physically attractive to a man is required, but everyone with eyes can see that some gorgeous women wind up miserable with only LV men willing to accept them for longer than a one night stand all the time. We've all met that stunning beauty who constantly wonders why men don't value her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 06:32 PM
26

It was really cute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 04:19 AM
91

YouTube exists. They can figure it out more easily than any other people in human history could, if they want to. When my husband and I met he didn't "know how to cook" in his own opinion. He knew enough to make me some good basic meals though, and then he learned even more for me. I will admit he's still not great at it, but I'm also pretty biased in how I judge cooking since I legit love to cook. It's one of my favorite hobbies. So even though I only make dinner about three times a week, when …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 03:27 AM
3

Oh. Thank you. Sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 01:25 AM
14

Hmm. This is a tough one. There are a lot of traits that make someone desirable in some stereotypical way, and I think most of us here know what they are. When you get down to it with the very most desirable women though, it becomes difficult to describe their traits very well. I'll try to though. And, below, when I use the word "you", I mean you in the general sense (y'all), not you specifically. Being An Immovable Mover Okay, so everybody here realizes the woman should be the one in charge of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 01:11 AM
12

Yesss. And I think a lot of women also get confused because they try a few aspects of being picky/confident but without understanding why or while sabotaging it in other ways. I had a pickme friend who could have perfectly lined up with the message here about why men should always pay for things... ...except... ... she sent them these novel-length ponderous emails about "the state of the relationship." Even I (a person who's very interested in relationship dynamics and communication) was bored s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 12:25 AM
23

I didn't find any where I grew up (a little shithole town in the U.S. in the meth-epidemic belt), though later I learned some future-HVM had been there in my school. They, like me, had simply had no way to engage in that level of value. It's why all the smart boys and girls went far, far away for college. And it's why no HVA (is that a new one? I mean high value adults) were anywhere to be found. I now live in a place that values intelligence and ambition. Many women also find this problematic b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 12:01 AM
21

A HVM will be fascinated and appreciative when a woman knows more about something than he does. HVM find it exciting when a woman is really smart, or even smarter than them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 10:31 PM
25

it sounds extreme what we say I think it's because most women don't believe the strategies described here could possibly work. They think something like, "If I can't even get a guy to love and commit to me when I'm being so good to them, of course those crazy ladies who dump a man in a split second and have sky high standards can't actually find one. It's hard for me, but it must be IMPOSSIBLE for them." Then they wonder why their friends who do everything "wrong" (ie who have "impossible" stand…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 10:15 PM
21

Thanks for pointing this out. Dating a man with money is still no good if he mismanages it or if, even once he claims to be committed to you, he still views it as "his" money and views it as a thing he lends you/you should be grateful for. If he's committed to you, he will see it as your money just as much as his own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 07:44 AM
43

Correct. A man will know he wants to marry you far before three years are up. He'll know pretty soon, actually. The reason a decent man will wait is because he just knows it's unreasonable of him to ask a woman to commit at that level too early. But, even when he waits, he will at least bring marriage up and/or respond enthusiastically at the thought of marrying you in the future. Then if he doesn't get around to proposing by year 2 (and you're not both teenagers or something, and you haven't to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 05:06 AM
17

This is a complicated one... But what I feel pretty sure of based on my observations and what I've experienced in my own life: It's actually possible for a man to be an excellent partner even if, in the past, he simply wanted to just have sex with many women. However, the very moment he meets a woman he takes seriously, his fuckboy days are OVER. Like the flip of a switch. He never looks at another woman again. This process does not take time. It's not a thing where you sleep with him or date hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 04:45 AM
37

My mum died recently I bet this is a lot of why she's being a pickme. There's a huge, unfillable hole in her heart now. Losing your mother so young is stunningly damaging. I feel very sad for her and hope she finds healthy ways to heal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 12:47 AM
21

I agree with you. A lot of people act like cats are assholes who just want to be fed, but I think that's completely wrong. My cat (as well as the ones I grew up with) would always seek me out and be extraordinarily attentive and affectionate when I was truly sad. I remember waking up from a nightmare once with tears on my face and my cat - who never normally got on the bed - was sitting by my pillow and silently looking at me. Then she curled up right against me and started purring while licking…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 12:28 AM
16

From what I've seen a lot of dogs love cats... it's often the cat who might not like dogs. I bet if you go to a shelter the people working/volunteering there could help you find a cat who has a history of being comfortable with dogs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 12:06 AM
51

For me it's cats. Adorable, wonderful cats. But yes, having a loving pet helps so much with any sort of loneliness. And it was so great when my very shy cat nonetheless adored my now-husband. He was so sensitive to her strange cat-ish ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 11:53 PM
7

Agreed. Loyalty is a treasure. If a man cheats, he deserves no loyalty, just the same way he deserves no loyalty if he hits you. Ideally you'll break up immediately - but even if you don't he doesn't deserve anything from you anymore. He basically took a big shit on the treasure called loyalty. Of course he doesn't deserve it anymore. Cheating = ending the relationship. Some men just want their girlfriend/wife to pretend the cheating man didn't end the relationship already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 10:05 PM
25

I've known a bunch of models and tbh their self-esteem is, on average, a total dumpster fire. I think it's because, since their looks are what they're paid for, that's what they come to value the most about themselves... Like you know how a surgeon would value her hands and identify herself as someone who saves lives? These women identify themselves by whether their looks are deemed acceptable and think of themselves as someone who looks a certain way. And even though the rest of us can recogniz…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 07:02 PM
6

I haven't snooped on my husband's phone or accounts. However, if you want to do so with a guy, don't ask for his phone or passwords or anything like that. Do not express any interest in seeing that stuff. None. Telling a man you want to see those things is how you get his guard up and inspire him to make fake accounts and all that shit. I've seen guys who get burner phones and fake emails once a woman asks to see that stuff, just to make it seem like they're being an open book with their main ph…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 06:46 PM
6

For me, I didn't really worry about what men think of my lack of virginity. I'm disgusted by the sort of guy who judges women for that and so I always wanted to make sure I didn't accidentally fall for one. I did encounter a lot of men who were upset about me having had several partners, but I just dumped them. And... I enjoyed dumping those ones. It was satisfying because they were always so damn surprised. They expected me to try and appease their egos and apologize for my past. What they did …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 06:39 PM
5

I think the men here are above average when compared to other places. That still doesn't mean there are tons of hot ones as a percentage of the population - just that there are more hot ones than other places. I live in an area where fitness is emphasized and the culture rewards men for dressing well. The fact that it's an advantaged socioeconomic area surely helps. As unpleasant as it may be to recognize this, rich areas just have more men who are able and/or willing to take good care of themse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 06:22 PM
16

For me, oral is my favorite thing and matters most. Most men aren't very good at it unfortunately. If he's not great at oral, no size of penis can make up for that. Whereas being great at oral more than makes up for a non-ideal penis size (for me at least).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 06:16 PM
15

why dont you ask for lazers shooting out of his eyes This made me laugh. But I admit it's true that I would be impressed if a man could shoot laser beams out of his eyeballs! Does dragging a man to a lab to study him count as dating? Because if it does, I'd definitely date Mr. Laser Eyeballs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 04:03 AM
67

OMG. Your friend's plan was such a bad idea. As to condomless sex? I never moved forward dating a man unless he was willing to go to get tested with me in tow and then show me the results once he had them. May seem like overkill, but: (a) It weeds A LOT of them out. Most of them will say something like, "You don't even trust me?" No, of course I don't. I barely know you. (b) We all deserve to have that information before we sleep with someone. (c) A lot of men have never gotten tested at all and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 08:49 PM
8

100% accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 06:43 AM
5

It is really hard, yes. You can do it though. It will get so much better as long as you don't give up. As to a worry you'll ruin things - maybe. Or maybe he will. Or maybe things will slowly fizzle and it won't be anyone's fault. Or maybe one of you will get hit by a bus. But being afraid isn't a good reason not to do things. And if things go wrong? Guess what. You'll pick yourself up and move on and be wiser. I think the fact that you're young might be part of your skewed perspective. To you it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 06:37 AM
12

It doesn't mean he's a better person. Being a good person is about character. Having a good career and being handsome and being a good conversationalist - it's true those things are wonderful and valuable. They also happen to be unrelated to whether someone is good. Goodness is a separate thing. Goodness is about how someone treats others. Goodness is, basically, an ethical matter. So we (and you) don't know if he's actually good. That's the sort of thing you find out by getting to know someone.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 06:13 AM
3

It does seem like it could be really helpful to a lot of people. There's a fine line between honesty and telling too much/risking oneself. I think that a lot of good-natured people offer too much information, because they assume others will be as good-natured as they are. But that's not always a safe thing to do, since others are NOT always as good-natured as they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 11:36 PM
1

This sounds like a very good way to handle it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 10:52 PM
21

Ah, I hadn't seen that yet. Thanks for explaining. Also, that's hilarious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 10:35 PM
28

I don't think reading here will help them very much. If they seek out women with the philosophy in this sub, we will dump them the moment they try to transition over to revealing their shitty selves. (And tbh it's almost impossible to hide their shittiness even when they're trying to pretend they're nice. If you know what to look for, you'll find "tells" 99.9% of the time.) If they seek out women who do not think the way we do (ie women who do not insist on respect and value and so on), they won…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 10:25 PM
23

What's that? Like a guy who thinks he's hot shit because he codes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 10:20 PM
14

Oh, that makes sense. I think in this discussion I've gotten too caught up on imagining how this would turn out years down the road. When really, it's more a tip about the beginning, when you don't know the man very well yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 10:03 PM
10

It's pretty much impossible to paint over such things once you're really close to somebody. Keeping the lie going would rely on your entire family (a) being in on it and (b) agreeing with you - which not all of them will if you've got a big family and (c) never messing up. It would also force you to lie indefinitely about entire swaths of your life. It feels really bad to live that way, even on an entirely selfish level. You'd always have to watch what you say and wonder if he'll ever find out. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 10:01 PM
67

Keep this sort of lie to the acquaintance and newly-dating stage. HVM will dump anyone who lies to them about such things if the lie continues into a serious romantic relationship. Sometimes attempts to ward off LVM and narcissists also ward of HVM - for different reasons. For LVM and narcissists, it could ward them off for the exact reasons you described. For HVM, if the lie is sustained, it could ward them off because they know - accurately - that they can find someone who doesn't trick them f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 09:38 PM
39

Agreed. There are two actual "signals" people give: "Yes yes yes, I want and respect you and show this through all of my actions." Everything else. If the "signal" isn't the first one, he is not an acceptable partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 09:21 PM
4

I hope it's not too overwhelming - and... thanks for thanking me? Ha. I'm sure you'll sort out all these things (and more), especially if you take a bit of a break from dating, and eventually you'll find a great partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 09:12 PM
23

No point. When somebody is such an unrepentant liar that they can live a double life for years and years, you can't expect anything that comes out of their mouth to be true. I mean, even a broken clock is right twice a day, so I'm sure he accidentally tells the truth sometimes... but certainly not when it matters. This is the sort of thing you will have to investigate on your own through: self-reflection careful consideration of all the things these last two guys had in common asking for perspec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 07:35 PM
7

Thank you. :) I really appreciate that. I made a separate account to post here because the way I originally found this one was in a sub making fun of it, and it seems many people find it controversial, so I figured I may as well make an account just for here. As to me saying I have done things that are not recommended here, I didn't mean I think the sub advocates dragging men into marriage; that seems to be against the ideas of this sub. I guess it was just a poorly phrased introductory statemen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/19 08:09 PM
80

Exactly. Reading this sub, I see that I've done many things that are not recommended here (though apparently also many things that are), and this is so true. Anyway, I have a point. When my husband and I had been together for a while, I realized I wanted to marry him. I had not originally thought I wanted to marry any man. I guess no man before my husband was good enough in my eyes. So you know how people often mention early on that they do indeed value marriage? Yeah, our version of that talk w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/19 07:23 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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