I recently broke up with a man that I believe was an HVM, but I was never physically attracted to him. I really struggled throughout the relationship because we got along so well and he really cared about me and treated me well, but I never wanted to make out with him or have sex with him. So, I’ve started going out and trying to interact with different people, and I’ve also gone on some OLD Dates.

I didn’t find a sub until yesterday or the day before. I got on hinge on Saturday, and had a date set up for Saturday night and Sunday. Saturday night dude came out for drinks (I know now that’s not high effort, but he did drive one hour to see me while I only drove about eight minutes), I was not impressed with the conversation, or his know it all attitude, he paid for my wine and I left. The next day I went on a coffee date with another guy, this one didn’t even pay for my drink. After I left he tried to get me to “hang out” with him again the same day, and sent me some photos of his ripped body, I guess to try and get me to want to Netflix and chill with him? I said no and the next day when he texted me again I told him I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything further.

Which brings me to my date last night. After I found the sub I sort of steered the conversation a little bit and we changed the date from drinks only to dinner. So the date was OK, and he paid, was interested in everything I had to say, remembered parts of my profile and things I mentioned in conversation before we met, was polite, paid for dinner, was respectful… Asked me out again after we parted ways… And I don’t know if I really want to? I wasn’t totally taken with his appearance, he is not in shape, he was wearing a baseball cap because he’s balding… And I don’t know, am I supposed to give him a chance because he’s nice and respectful? I did that with my ex, and the attraction never came. Should I go out on one more date with him and see what happens? How do you deal with what seem like HVM that you don’t find physically attractive?

And as an added note, I was married for 12 years before having to get back into dating again. My ex husband blindsided me, and left me for another woman who he now lives with and this really destroyed me… It’s been three years. We share a son so I still have to see his stupid face all the time. But, I have my son, and I’m trying to get up on my feet and be totally independent, so that I’m never devastated this way again. So that leads me to believe that I should be extra picky, because I don’t want to procreate with a man ever again, or depend on one, but… I still want to be treated like a queen. I’m 36. Help!