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Ruffleafewfeathers Archive

View 4 posts and 112 comments by Ruffleafewfeathers on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

So I’m going to start with a disclaimer, I am not going to sugar coat my response to your question because I want you to succeed in your marriage, and sometimes that requires hearing uncomfortable truths. Disclaimer said, I think you’re missing that it takes two to tango—there can be no argument if you aren’t participating. All I see in your post is you blaming your husband for ‘not taking accountability’ and then finding reasons to absolve yourself of any culpability for the dynamic at hand—the…
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/26 09:53 PM
5

Wife_and_Mama has written great advice in her comment on how to cultivate the right mindset and be successful in finding a good partner by having an abundance mindset, so I’m going to second her advice. The only thing I feel needs to be added is that at 21, it’s likely that you will need to choose based on “potential” unless you date significantly older men, which comes with its own set of risks. Where women often go wrong is that they invent potential based off a man’s words alone (and sometime…
/r/RedPillWomen13/04/26 09:03 PM
1

My mother was a workaholic who constantly prioritized her work and herself above her children—not out of necessity, that I could understand, but out of a desire to be the main character and gain money and professional accolades. My brother and I were raised by daycares and nannies. My mother was also exceedingly domineering and was a real feminazi type. I was more like a trophy as a kid for her to show off how she was “doing it all”…I’m only now just starting to speak with her after going no con…
/r/RedPillWomen18/11/24 12:25 AM
7

I have to be honest here, I think hypergamy has been twisted into something it isn’t. I think at its core hypergamy is the idea that we go for the highest quality mate we are capable of achieving, however once we’ve found our life partner, I think the excuse of “hypergamy” for wanting to chase after others is really just a BS way of excusing poor morals and a desire to cheat. I adore my husband, he is everything I could ever want and I have exactly zero desire to stray. I don’t feel there is a h…
/r/RedPillWives27/10/24 07:57 PM
2

OYS Number: #1 OYS Comment Preference: (3) A mix of both encouragement and advice Demographics: 27F married to husband 34M, and we have a toddler 1 y/o Gratitude list: - I am so grateful to have the opportunity to be a SAHM and watch my daughter grow up - I am so grateful to my husband for providing this lifestyle while also being in school to increase his earning potential - I am so grateful that my husband is so unbelievably sweet and always makes me feel precious to him - I am so grateful I h…
/r/RedPillWives23/04/24 08:05 PM
3

Hey there, so I am currently a full time homemaker/SAHM, but I used to run my own company while also being in school, so I think my experience will be relevant. There is no way to “do it all” and anyone who tells you differently is a big fat liar. You basically have 3 full time jobs that you’re juggling at the same time and if they were all paid people would be like “You’re crazy! Three full time jobs?!” But because only one of your jobs is paid, people act as though you should be able to do it …
/r/RedPillWives20/04/24 03:42 PM
2

I am raising my daughter to be thoughtful, kind, and well-mannered person who has well developed critical thinking skills and can make informed decisions. I think trying to force your kids to have a specific ideology is most often counterproductive. That said, my daughter is growing up with me as a stay at home mom and will watch how happy, stable, and affectionate her father and I are with each other. She’ll see how I make her father beautiful meals, keep myself fit and well dressed, treat him …
/r/RedPillWives12/04/24 04:02 AM
1

Hi there, I’m so excited for you in your new chapter of life! I have a few suggestions that might help you. Firstly, I would write a list detailing your absolute non-negotiable desired traits (meaning not having this attribute is an automatic no for dating), then a list of “nice to have, but not essential” traits, and finally a list of what faults/non-ideal traits you’re willing to accept in a partner. This list will give you a clearer idea of what is important to you and will also allow you to …
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/24 08:18 PM
3

I waited till I started dating my now husband, and he is my one and only. My personal rules were just that I wanted to be in a committed relationship where I loved them and they loved me before having sex, and I was 24 when I started dating him. I thought hookup culture was a scam and I went to college at one of the most intense party/hookup schools in the western US and my guess is probably one of the biggest in the country, but I didn’t have a hard time controlling myself despite all the male …
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/24 10:37 PM
11

I can understand that, I was a virgin till I was 24 (when I got with my now-husband). I waited for the right guy and didn’t have any interest in sleeping around with anyone I wasn’t in love with/who was wasn’t in love with me. Our sex life is amazing for a lot of reasons. Firstly, I feel loved, safe, respected, and desired outside of the bedroom, which allows me to fully give myself to him when we have sex. Secondly, our kinks match up perfectly so it feels really fulfilling for both of us. We a…
/r/RedPillWomen31/03/24 10:09 PM
36

My husband is the most incredible man I’ve ever met. He is working 2 jobs and is in school full time while also being a spectacular husband and father. He values me staying home with our toddler and praises/thanks me every chance he gets. He’s the type to randomly surprise me with flowers or potted plants, draws me bubble baths, takes me to beautiful places, and he recently gave me an entire day off to just relax—he took over all parenting, cooking, and cleaning for the day and I cried because o…
/r/RedPillWomen31/03/24 09:22 PM
10

I’m currently losing the baby weight I’ve held onto for a bit over a year. My husband has always made me feel beautiful and desirable even when I hated how I looked and was at a very unhealthy weight after giving birth. I’m now starting to fit into my old clothes again and it’s just getting better day by day. I’m the one who has a hard time when my body isn’t what I would like it to be, my husband loves me for me. I’ve finally found a diet that is sustainable for me, and since I’m the SAHM who c…
/r/RedPillWomen24/02/24 09:02 PM
1

I felt this way at 19, and it turns out, I have an anxiety disorder and depression! I would highly recommend seeing a therapist and asking your doctor for anti-anxiety meds, it worked absolute wonders for me. This sounds like some trauma to be unpacked and feeling like you’re never going to be good enough. As someone who is not herself Latina but was raised by Latinas, I can say that it’s a culture that often doesn’t hesitate to point out your ‘faults’ (and is in big part why I developed an eati…
/r/RedPillWomen07/02/24 11:36 PM
3

Just the one that I have—my body doesn’t do well with pregnancy and I worry another one would kill me. If I could have an easy pregnancy maybe one more, but even then, probably not.
/r/RedPillWomen01/02/24 08:04 PM
0

Perhaps, but that’s not common nowadays. Usually you talk about wanting kids early but putting a short timetable on it (a year or so) on a relatively new relationship can make the man feel like you’re just interested in having children, not having children with him. I asked my husband for his unbiased opinion before I posted this and he was the one who pointed out to me that he would assume she just wanted children with someone and that 5 months in you’re still in the getting to know each other …
/r/RedPillWomen06/01/24 09:25 PM
0

It’s not wrong to be talking about it, but pushing for within the next year with someone you’ve just gotten together with is daunting for most men
/r/RedPillWomen06/01/24 08:26 PM
40

I’m not going to sugar coat this, so be forewarned. You are both only 2 years away from your thirties, and he wants to have kids in his thirties, but you’ve only been together 5 months (not long enough to properly vet him), and you’re wanting to push the timetable on kids when you aren’t even close to engaged/married and you don’t know him very well? That is concerning behavior. I bet he’s trying to give himself some breathing room rather than commit to children with you before he’s 100% certain…
/r/RedPillWomen06/01/24 06:24 AM
3

Mine are mostly self-help rp related but: How to make anyone fall in love with you, Leil Lownds (The original) Fascinating womanhood, Helen andolin The empowered wife, Laura Doyle The proper care and feeding of husbands, Laura Schlesinger In praise of Stay at Home Moms, Laura Schlesinger Act like a lady, think like a man, Steve Harvey
/r/RedPillWomen24/10/23 05:35 PM
5

Happily Married (26F 34M) and had our one year anniversary two days ago, but we were best friends for almost a decade before we started dating and we dated for a year before getting married. 1) We had discussed how we wanted our futures to look when we were friends. I wanted to be a SAHW, he wanted to be a breadwinner with a SAHW. All of our desires had already lined up. 2) He proposed of his own volition after a year of dating (to save up for a nice ring). I knew he wanted to marry me from the …
/r/RedPillWomen19/10/23 10:53 PM
1

Have you by any chance gotten on birth control around the time you lost desire? I’m currently on BC and it has dramatically decreased my sex drive (I was always craving sex and then I got on it and boom I lost the cravings). Just food for thought.
/r/RedPillWomen04/10/23 06:27 PM
3

Hi, I grew up in an abusive household with an alcoholic mother and I used to have rejection sensitivity as well (that’s what it’s called). Therapy helped me immensely and my husband even recently, out of the blue, complimented me on how far I’ve come and how easy I am to talk to now. I say all this to let you know this doesn’t have to be a permanent problem in your life. If you work on yourself and get in therapy, there’s a great chance it could stop hurting your marriage. Remember, you’re not r…
/r/RedPillWomen29/08/23 03:31 PM
3

So I am still somewhat politically liberal, but the way I live my life is very traditional. I was “raised” (I put quotation marks because I was actually raised by a daycare) by a hyper feminist mother who always chose work over her children (it was a choice, not out of necessity) who basically brainwashed me my whole life to believe that men are a problem, women need to be in positions of power, that I needed to “break the glass ceiling”, that femininity was stupid, that SAHMs are foolish, etc. …
/r/RedPillWomen15/08/23 05:52 PM
3

Imo, as someone who grew up with working parents, I felt abandoned and like I did something wrong that they couldn’t spend time with me like the other parents did. My nanny and daycare raised me, and I got maybe 2-3 hours absolute maximum with my parents on weekdays and they were exhausted and didn’t really have anything in the tank left to give me. I will never do that to my child. I’m a SAHM and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. My child will never wonder where she is on my priorities lis…
/r/RedPillWomen14/08/23 08:16 AM
2

There’s a subreddit for it if you’re interested r/surrendered_wife
/r/RedPillWomen04/08/23 03:43 AM
31

I don’t think they really exist, at least not for any prolonged period of time. The reality is that at some point in any LTR, someone will make more money or do more chores or put in more effort because relationships are give and take. For instance, I’m a SAHM and my husband provides for us. He is the breadwinner (100 him/ 0 me) while I take on the vast majority of childcare, cleaning, and cooking (20him/80 me). He was between jobs for a bit because of the tech hiring freeze and so he took on mo…
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/23 11:32 PM
1

I highly recommend making veggies and fruits your “free” food (minus grains and starches). If you are hungry, load up on fruits and vegetables. It’s what I do when I need to lose weight and it works super well for me.
/r/RedPillWomen13/07/23 03:26 AM
1

I think you are blowing this way out of proportion and you are letting your insecurities make you the toxic one. He told you where he was, sent a pic of him hanging out with his friends that you know— the female one whom you are obsessing over is an item with a different man, and you are somehow trying to make him into the bad guy? I highly recommend therapy for your self esteem issues and you need to learn how to process your emotions in a healthy way.
/r/RedPillWomen09/07/23 02:07 AM
–

Fair enough. Then yeah, my advice remains the same—stay firm in your convictions and don’t give in to fleeting but detrimental pleasure. Best wishes!
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/23 02:40 PM
32

I have a very high sex drive, but was celibate till I met my now-husband—it’s a matter of sticking to what’s best for you in the long run rather than giving in to a detrimental, fleeting pleasure. It’s like junk food when you’re trying to lose weight—if you decide to eat it, it actively sabotages your goal. Obviously you still desire the junk food, but you need to want your goal more. Nothing is going to be as good as sex, because sex is meant to pair bond us and get us as humans to have childre…
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/23 11:28 PM
2

Also, you can’t out-train a bad diet. Exercise is important, but for weight loss and getting trim it’s something like 80% diet.
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/23 02:36 AM
2

So much has been mentioned about the benefit of a backup plan, so I’m going to skip over that reason, but there are a few other things to consider. University is a great way to make connections with people going places (even if you are just in the college town going to a community college so you don’t go into debt)—you very likely might meet your future spouse or someone who would introduce you to a HVM later on. I met my husband in college. Secondly, you could use your education to potentially …
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/23 05:59 PM
1

Hi I have no idea why that would be! I am a mod and I checked our settings and it is public
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/23 06:22 PM
3

Hey! Just thought you might want to know that there’s a Reddit community for it called r/surrendered_wife
/r/RedPillWomen22/04/23 06:16 AM
5

Completely agree with this commenter. I would just add that OP, your post comes across as one of those “tell me I’m not the problem” posts you see everywhere from women looking for validation that it couldn’t possibly be them that’s the issue! I mean look at how low the standards are! but in reality, if you’re still single with this bar at a heighth below the earth’s crust, then chances are those aren’t actually your real standards that you’re chasing. It’s just what you tell yourself you are. L…
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/23 04:01 PM
1

Could you at least schedule a break for that time? Like even just 20-30 minutes. As someone who has created and run successful businesses I understand how hard it is to prioritize anything else in the beginning stages, but figure out what your actual priorities are. Is your marriage the most important thing to you? If so, then you have to make time.
/r/RedPillWomen22/03/23 07:16 PM
1

Okay, so there are a few things that I think will help you clear up what your next path of action should be. Firstly, decide whether your goal is to convey your anger and displeasure to your husband or if your goal is to change the behavior. Believe it or not, those are almost always two different things. Then, if your honest answer is the former, then ask yourself if expressing your anger is worth the intimacy with your husband that it will cost you. If you decide it isn’t worth the intimacy an…
/r/RedPillWomen21/03/23 06:15 PM
5

I would look into reading “The Empowered Wife” by Laura Doyle, as it talks a lot about the importance of self care and how we can’t pour from an empty cup and it’s not fair to rely on your partner for all of your emotional needs. It seems really relevant to your situation and really helps with resentment. Additionally, if you don’t tell him what you need from him, it’s not fair to be resentful—he’s not a mind reader and men don’t get “hints”. Have a talk saying something like, “Hey baby, when I …
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/23 12:08 AM
3

Oh! And look into kibbe body types and your color season to get an idea of what would look most flattering on you.
/r/RedPillWomen22/02/23 07:16 AM
4

Also, to add to the thrifting idea, I recommend going to thrift shops in wealthy areas—it’s generally filled with more high-end items. Also, consider getting very nice clothes at a thrift store, even if they’re a touch too big, and having them tailored to you—which is guaranteed to make you look stunning. Also, my tip for consistently looking well-groomed is using a blowout brush (it’s like a blow dryer and a brush combined) which makes salon quality blowouts dead easy. I use the hot tools brand…
/r/RedPillWomen22/02/23 07:09 AM
3

I love these new avenues to explore! I completely agree and look forward to the new team’s new spin!
/r/RedPillWomen22/02/23 07:01 AM
3

So happy to have you!
/r/RedPillWomen22/02/23 07:00 AM
9

16—Met my now husband in college became best friends for 8 years 24—started dating 25— Married with a kid on the way 26— still happily married with a beautiful daughter
/r/RedPillWomen11/01/23 08:36 PM
2

You sound like me early in my healing journey, my mom is a “functioning” alcoholic, suspected by my therapist of having NPD (she would never see a therapist because “she’s not the problem” hence a lack of official diagnosis), and was incredibly abusive my whole life. We no longer speak and I am doing much better without her in my life, but that comes with a lot of feelings to unpack. However, the difference between you and me is that I started my healing journey about a decade before you which m…
/r/RedPillWomen09/01/23 09:40 PM
18

So here’s the reality of the situation as I see it, you want to be a SAHM and you can either find out if he supports that now or after years of valuable time when you are young and fertile that you would potentially be wasting if he says he doesn’t—but either way you have to find out at some point. Also, breakups suck, but staying with someone because you’re afraid they’ll do something isn’t healthy. Plus, think of the long term, if you stay with him and break up years from now due to incompatib…
/r/RedPillWomen09/01/23 09:28 PM
1

Did you read what this commenter wrote? They’re not saying you were too nice or too available. From my understanding, they’re saying you were too focused on your own personal gain (the title of wife, marriage, children before a certain window of time) that you made the men feel like the means to your ends rather than as valuable in and of themselves—essentially like they were just the placeholder in your fantasy of what your life should be, rather than being valued for who they are.
/r/RedPillWomen03/01/23 11:12 PM
2

That is what you ideally want, but not what you have gone for previously, yes? Which makes it not your type, but what you want your type to be. I would do a serious introspective look without judgement of what attracted you to your previous partners, even if you feel it shouldn’t have (so you can get an honest appraisal of what your blind spots are), then make a plan for how not to fall into those pitfalls again. For example, it sounds like you were swept away by verbal affirmations of previous …
/r/RedPillWomen03/01/23 11:01 PM
14

I’ve got to be real, and this may sound harsh, but you don’t sound mature enough for marriage. Your entire focus is on getting married rather than finding a man who would make a wonderful husband and father, as evidenced particularly by the last boyfriend you had who you basically put a timer on for marriage not even bothering to properly vet him. And now you’re trying to get pregnant via IUI with a stranger’s child and no family structure or father for your child on purpose? That’s not taking e…
/r/RedPillWomen31/12/22 01:28 PM
2

I’m going to try to make a really nice, from-scratch dish each night this upcoming week for dinner.
/r/RedPillWives10/12/22 05:39 AM
5

The way I approach therapy might be of interest to you, because I prefer structure and working on progressing my life. I write down ahead of time what I want to discuss and what things I want to work on, then I ask for actionable solutions/beneficial practices I can implement that week for homework and write that down. I’ve made tremendous progress this way and it doesn’t feel all over the place and like I’m not actually working on myself.
/r/RedPillWomen06/12/22 05:10 AM
2

These are things I do that make a huge difference in my marriage, I challenge my fellow RPWs to try them! Go down on him with great enthusiasm and without expecting reciprocity (unless he wants to) every day or almost every day of the week Give your husband a long, focused massage on his areas of tension without the expectation of receiving one after you’ve finished Deep clean one room every day of the week until your house just needs maintenance cleaning (my husband loves a relaxing space to co…
/r/RedPillWives06/12/22 04:23 AM
2

I was a virgin until 24 for the same reasons you are, and I had the same worries you do…I’m so unbelievably glad I waited. I wound up getting into a relationship with my best friend (and the love of my life) before having sex, and it was amazing and meaningful. We are now married and have a beautiful newborn daughter and I love him more each day. He loves that I waited and that I was a virgin; and views it as special that I upheld my standards until I found the right person who fit my requiremen…
/r/RedPillWomen26/11/22 02:30 AM
1

My dad had a useful technique that I use frequently because I tend to jump into solving problems as my initial reaction. He would always ask, “do you want empathy or problem solving?” And then they would give you their answer and you know what to do.
/r/RedPillWomen25/11/22 04:57 PM
1

I went to one of the biggest party schools in the US and I’m very traditional—I made lots of friends, even though I didn’t participate in hookup culture. I didn’t judge them for their choices and they didn’t judge me for mine. I am guessing the issue is that you’re judgemental, because you can find good people to be friends with even if they aren’t exactly like you.
/r/RedPillWomen25/11/22 04:53 PM
1

Antidepressants saved me, you might want to consider talking to your doctor about trying one (I’m on Zoloft and it’s changed my life).
/r/RedPillWomen25/11/22 04:47 PM
17

Jesus. OP, please break up with this poor man and get into therapy ASAP. There’s also some subreddits like decidingtobebetter that you should look at. Because currently, you are being abusive to your boyfriend and if you care about him at all, you need to stop, let him go, and seriously work on yourself.
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/22 01:41 AM
49

Okay, I’m going to be a little sharp with you because this shouldn’t be sugarcoated—you seriously need some therapy. You talk awfully disparagingly about yourself and are projecting your insecurities on your partner unfairly. Not only that, but you were cruel and told him he could never satisfy you sexually—you ever think that might put a damper on his desire/give him performance anxiety? And now that he’s working hard on bettering himself and has probably been looking up ways to please you (whi…
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/22 01:16 AM
45

You sound like one of my best friends who went through a toxic and abusive relationship for three years. He’d be awful and do something unacceptable, she’d call me either crying or angry and ready to break up with him, then they’d have a “magical talk” and he’d “change” for about a month before testing the waters and going back into his old habits. Rinse and repeat. I watched her become a shell of herself and I really suffered a lot of mental anguish because I love her and it’s awful watching so…
/r/RedPillWomen25/10/22 11:33 PM
2

I’m confused as to what you’re asking me. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, and any decent man won’t push past our clearly set boundaries. I also think it’s important not to have a scarcity mindset and be able to walk away if they don’t meet your standards. Like, I met guys who would be pushy, but I just extricated myself, told them we weren’t a good fit, and explained kindly why if they asked to know. Then I moved on. I work really hard to be a HVW, and I wasn’t going to accept just any guy who…
/r/RedPillWomen24/10/22 11:58 PM
3

I disagree with your last assertion. Most of the men I went on dates with and told I was a virgin asked me why, and told me they were impressed with my personal integrity when I said it was because I wanted to be in a committed relationship with a partner I respected, genuinely cared about, hopefully loved; and since I hadn’t found that, I hadn’t had sex
/r/RedPillWomen24/10/22 12:15 AM
1

I absolutely had those thoughts. But in the words of my husband, “I’ve never heard a man say ‘she’s perfect, except she’s a virgin’, but I have heard men say ‘she’s perfect, except she has a high body count’”. I would also ask what you did to “ruin your last relationship with a very sweet guy” and focus on bettering yourself.
/r/RedPillWomen24/10/22 12:10 AM
35

I was a virgin until 24, living in quite possibly the most promiscuous party-college town in the US, I chose not to have casual sex because I wanted to be in love or at least have a strong bond in a relationship before I gave that piece of me to a partner. I got a lot of shit for it, but I’m so glad I waited. I’m now married to my first and only partner and I don’t have the history of toxic relationships where I bonded quickly to a partner who wasn’t vetted properly because of early sex that my …
/r/RedPillWomen22/10/22 11:49 PM
17

I’m not this commenter, but I have a similar dynamic with my husband. I have what’s called “reactive desire” which means while I’m not necessarily thinking about sex normally, but if he starts getting sexual with me (even if I’m not “in the mood”) I wind up enjoying myself.
/r/RedPillWomen21/10/22 06:32 PM
2

I personally think it depends of what your standards are for “high value” that determines the difficulty. If you want a 6’4 Adonis who earns 7 figures, prioritizes family time and family values, has all the same political and religious beliefs as you, and who is honest/communicative/kind/faithful…it’s gonna be more difficult than if you pick only a couple of those things. Figure out what matters most to you, rank them in order of importance, and then go after what you want. I think you can find …
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/22 05:46 AM
26

INFO: How old are you? You said it yourself, he’s not relationship material and he’s just gotten out of the same bad relationship AGAIN. Also, idk how old you are, but it sounds like some high school drama. If your friend is being a jerk, I would talk to her openly and kindly without being overly emotional about how you’re feeling. Maybe she apologizes, maybe it was a misunderstanding, or maybe she’s not a good friend to have. But talking like a rational human being with your friend is the first…
/r/RedPillWomen11/10/22 06:04 AM
8

I’m going to give you the advice that helped me—if the content makes you feel bad, unfollow or block. You have a good man whom you love who wants to marry you, so why are you consuming media that picks at your insecurities and makes you feel like you’re not good enough? That’s just masochism. Block the content that is feeding your insecurities, and work on your self-esteem so that some rando on the internet can’t shake your self-image so easily. Much love, Ruffleafewfeathers
/r/RedPillWomen09/10/22 06:14 AM
2

Be a nanny, a tutor to small children, a substitute teacher, a baker, a babysitter, a pet sitter, a house sitter, work in a nursery—there’s plenty of homemaker related jobs
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/22 02:03 AM
1

First off, I would apologize to your husband for acting the way you did, since you know that wasn’t appropriate. But It sounds like you are putting your happiness on his shoulders when really, you are in charge of it. Are you doing things for yourself that make you happy regularly? Are you doing things just for you? I’m guessing not. Laura Doyle talks about this a lot in her books and on her podcast, but I would suggest doing things every day that fill your emotional cup. Maybe it’s getting an o…
/r/RedPillWomen29/08/22 08:02 AM
11

First off, I would apologize to your husband for acting the way you did, since you know that wasn’t appropriate. But It sounds like you are putting your happiness on his shoulders when really, you are in charge of it. Are you doing things for yourself that make you happy regularly? Are you doing things just for you? I’m guessing not. Laura Doyle talks about this a lot in her books and on her podcast, but I would suggest doing things every day that fill your emotional cup. Maybe it’s getting an o…
/r/RedPillWomen29/08/22 08:02 AM
1

You don’t belong on this subreddit.
/r/RedPillWomen19/08/22 06:46 AM
1

Anxiety in general—though it really kicked back into gear now that we’re expecting. My husband is wonderful. I’m in therapy and on antidepressants!
/r/RedPillWives28/07/22 08:18 PM
3

Any tips on how to manage anxiety in a way that allows you to be your husband’s soft place to land?
/r/RedPillWives28/07/22 02:03 AM
8

I’m going to be honest, neither of you sound like you’re mature enough to be in a relationship—particularly him—this sounds like a bad high school relationship. I don’t see any HVM behaving in such a manner, and he clearly needs therapy, but honestly, so do you. I’m the last person to generally recommend a breakup, but it sounds like you didn’t vet him properly and like you both have a lot of emotional baggage to work through before you can be in a healthy relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/22 10:52 PM
27

Personally, not my thing, though I know when my fiancé was goth in HS he painted his nails. I really couldn’t care less, I just personally don’t find it attractive.
/r/RedPillWomen25/07/22 04:07 AM
2

Interesting perspective! Much appreciated
/r/RedPillWomen24/07/22 02:45 AM
3

Completely agree!
/r/RedPillWomen23/07/22 01:49 AM
5

I would personally ask your partner what he would like—you can frame it sensually as wanting to be his perfect woman. For my relationship, I believe very much in the adage “lady in the streets, freak in the sheets.” But I do find that it’s easier for me if I make an effort to make myself feel sexy. For example, I’ll do fun things, like making him breakfast in lingerie or bending over unnecessarily sexily in front of him. Silly stuff that puts us both in the mood. Best of luck!
/r/RedPillWomen19/07/22 05:13 AM
4

I would personally communicate your needs to your boyfriend in a vulnerable and understanding way and let him come up with a solution. Something like, “hey baby, would you mind helping me? I’ve been missing the intimate contact that we used to have because you’re my favorite person in the whole world and I wanted to see if you had any ideas on how we can carve out some time for the two of us to unwind together?” Then see what he says. Hiring a babysitter for date night, or sending his daughter t…
/r/RedPillWomen22/06/22 12:31 AM
17

So I’m going to be honest, from your comments and post, it seems like this isn’t a giving relationship on either side. He definitely does not seem the provider type, but from what I can tell you’re not bringing much to the table either, as you’ve said you almost never want sex and you don’t ever cook for him. If you are truly looking for a provider, I would personally suggest breaking it off, letting him find someone more compatible with his views, and working on yourself to bring more to your n…
/r/RedPillWomen14/06/22 02:21 AM
6

My Fiancé is amazing and takes care of me emotionally, physically, and financially. I trust him with my whole heart and he is the best man I know without an abusive bone in his body. And I am so indebted to this subreddit for helping our relationship flourish with it’s no-bullshit and supportive advice. So no offense meant to you personally, OP, but I’m starting to get frustrated with the number of posts we get on here describing domestic abuse and asking “why we condone that”, which, if the pos…
/r/RedPillWomen11/06/22 10:56 PM
2

This is such a brilliant and eloquent reply. Well done.
/r/RedPillWomen29/05/22 09:01 PM
5

Just some food for thought, I was the same. I would say I’m a HVF and I didn’t want for male attention, but I wanted something serious, and the boys weren’t in a place where they wanted that. Fast forward to being 24, I found the love of my life and he’s planning on proposing soon (he’s not as sneaky as he likes to think he is)! Im so glad I waited for “the one”, he’s everything I could have ever hoped for
/r/RedPillWomen19/04/22 12:18 AM
7

I have an inkling I’m about to join the RPWs club! My boyfriend is amazing and he recently tried to stealthily ask my ring size. I’ve also seen some engagement ring websites on his computer screen before he could click out of them. I’m so excited! I love this man with all my heart, and he is everything I could ever want in a HVM.
/r/RedPillWives17/04/22 01:01 AM
2

My boyfriend just asked me my ring size and I’ve found engagement ring tabs on his phone when he asks me to text someone back while he’s driving, so I would say I have a pretty good idea an engagement is coming. He’ll probably tell me he’s treating me to getting my hair and nails done, so that will be my cue 🤣
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/22 12:04 AM
6

I think education is good in general, and it’s good to have skills to support yourself. Being educated and having passions is attractive. You could get an AA in childhood development and work at a preschool or be a fundraiser for a cause you care about. You could nanny. You could sell baked goods/crafts at a farmer’s market or on Etsy. You could tailor people’s clothes/do visible mending. There’s lots of things that fit your interests that you could do.
/r/RedPillWomen08/04/22 12:13 AM
0

I agree with you. I was just addressing OP’s comment saying they think it’s a red flag/don’t understand why a guy would go for someone younger.
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/22 08:54 PM
8

Declines, yes, but not nearly as sharply as women’s. Also, if their fertility declines, it would make even more sense to choose a more fertile partner to give you the best chance of procreating. I was simply pointing out that it makes sense biologically to try to find a mate with the highest fertility, not dissing women in their thirties. Also, for women, we are balancing resources vs moderate decline in fertility. Older men generally have more resources.
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/22 08:24 PM
12

It isn’t something PC to say, but it’s a truth nevertheless. Fertility is a predominant factor—you are more likely to have healthy offspring in your 20s than 30s. Also, a lot of times women later in life who aren’t partnered are jaded and blame men for their lack of partnership. The latter is not always the case, obviously, but fertility is an undeniable factor.
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/22 07:11 PM
9

Yes. You should. Hell, I wouldn’t even get those “hints”, and your lack of directness is making you look like the unreasonable one. Just tell him what’s happened in an open, straightforward, vulnerable way. Also, her greeting card is way past the line of acceptable and it seems like she has a crush on your husband.
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/22 01:53 AM
12

This woman is unhealthily attached to your fiancé, and in my estimation, you’ve done yourself a disservice by hiding it from him. I would open up gently and with vulnerability with your fiancé (not mentioning every little detail, because that makes it look like drama, but enough to get the point across—the snide remarks, that you were left in tears after going to the dinner, trying to make you look bad in front of the friends, etc.) to talk about this and how you’re feeling—mentioning that you’v…
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/22 01:20 AM
1

I created a list like this (I call it my “soul-food list”) and my partner decided to make one as well; then we made a couple’s list. We each aim to do 3 soul-food things for ourselves and one couple’s soul food item per day. We trade off picking the couple’s activity. We’ve found it helps keep us happy and makes us better partners to one another. The items aren’t big things, necessarily—some of my favorites include, go for a walk, dance to some music, garden—and we aren’t perfect at doing it eve…
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/22 02:26 AM
27

Here are some that I personally have found helpful in my relationship: - A solid exercise routine - Cooking skills - interpersonal communication skills - learning how to truly listen and not just wait for your turn to talk - Work on your traumas and baggage so that you don’t accidentally inflict them or their consequences on someone else (therapy is good for this) - Learn to take care of your well-being so that you don’t end up being burnt out and thereby unpleasant - practice gratitude, as it w…
/r/RedPillWomen27/03/22 07:40 AM
1

SAME!
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/22 06:26 AM
1

Hobbies are a great way to make friends. I suggest meetup.com (but give a temp email, because they send out a million emails and you can’t get them to stop) and finding groups of people to enjoy your hobbies with. If you are intending to work after getting your degree, work can also be a good place to make friends. Best of luck!
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/22 04:47 AM
12

Two things, one you’re putting way too much pressure and freaking yourself out before you’ve even had coffee with someone. Just set up an exit plan (a friend can call 30 minutes in), and just see where it goes. Two, it seems like you have some pretty serious anxiety. I would suggest getting a therapist/psychiatrist and focus on lowering that, because, in all honesty, it seems like that is what’s really holding you back. Much love, Ruffleafewfeathers
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/22 04:43 AM
2

Love this!
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/22 05:41 PM
8

Thank you! I really appreciate that ♥️
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/22 05:36 PM
87

So I would say two things, one, your standards of cleaning consistently are higher than your average man’s, which is totally fine, but I would suggest keeping that in mind when you’re talking to him and consider finding what you can compromise on. What is non-negotiable for you and what can you live with? (Ex: not moving everything around to vacuum is fine, but maybe the crumbs in the corner make your skin crawl.) We all have imperfections and I’m sure you have some habits that drive him bananas…
/r/RedPillWomen23/03/22 07:22 AM
6

I’m grateful for my amazing partner and the new baby on the way I’m grateful for my father who took the time to go on a hike with me and my dog so we could catch up and spend time together I’m grateful that I haven’t experienced morning sickness yet I’m grateful for YouTube teaching me new skills; how to make pies from scratch, knitting, making dog yak chews at home, sewing, baby education, etc. I’m grateful for this sub’s support and kindness that has led me to the love of my life and allowed m…
/r/RedPillWomen17/03/22 03:08 AM
3

Personally, I absolutely believe she is also at fault. You know when you’ve stopped trying and aren’t making an effort with your looks, and two years of that is unacceptable.
/r/RedPillWomen16/03/22 08:42 AM
15

Omg I just commented on this and am waiting for the downvotes 😂 this is so obviously an ESH. Like he’s and asshole for blowing up at her in a horribly mean way instead of communicating about it healthily and she’s an asshole for no longer putting in any effort or even communicating about why she’s not putting in effort. Like if she was depressed, either he should have asked about it or she should have said “hey baby, I’m dealing with pretty serious depression and I need your help solving it.” Sh…
/r/RedPillWomen16/03/22 03:12 AM
5

Everyone is different, and if RP stuff isn’t your jam that’s totally fine. But I have two points I would like to make. One: your ex is an abusive POS and is in no way representative of the high value men we vet to be partners in a successful RP relationship Two: RP women are not slaves to men or any such nonsense that jackass ex put into your head (unless you have a BDSM kink for that, in which case, I’m not yucking your yum). This is an active choice that makes us happy and isn’t harming anyone…
/r/RedPillWomen15/03/22 11:35 PM
6

If you actually looks at brain structure, women generally have significantly more neural pathways focused on communication whereas men generally have more grey matter focused on spacial awareness and ilk. So she, from a scientific perspective is generally correct. Also, Introversion doesn’t necessarily mean communication isn’t a way of decompressing, it generally has more to do the number of people you’re interested in communicating with.
/r/RedPillWomen15/03/22 11:21 PM
5

I’m so sorry you’re growing up with that. I grew up in an abusive home, my mom is a very aggressive drunk, and it took me a while working on my trauma and getting out of the situation to fully realize my feminine journey; but now I am with the most amazing, masculine man who takes care of me and I love more than life itself and I am getting better day by day through therapy and self-care (exercise, proper diet, good sleep hygiene, etc.). One thing I would strongly suggest is to heal your own wou…
/r/RedPillWomen04/03/22 02:46 AM
2

I was worried about the same side effects, I have bad depression, anxiety, and PTSD and had been over medicated in the past. When my boyfriend (who also has struggled with depression) tried medication, he became so much better and more functional that I decided to give it a try…I have never been so productive, lacking in anxiety, and able to achieve my dreams. It’s like weights I didn’t even realize were holding me down suddenly got lifted and everything became a million times easier. If a psych…
/r/RedPillWomen21/02/22 07:24 PM
19

There definitely are men like that out there, I have one, but I would suggest focusing on what relationship “currency” you bring to the table and ask what your absolute must haves are and what you’re okay sacrificing, because there is no one who is 100% perfect in every way. Some examples of alternative relationship “currency” include your youth, physical attractiveness, wholesomeness, domestic skills (cooking, cleaning, decorating, etc.), sexual naïveté, sexual skill, sensuality, thoughtfulness…
/r/RedPillWomen09/02/22 04:41 AM
3

If you have any friends who are also parents, you could try doing a baby-share program where you negotiate days where you give the other couple a break
/r/RedPillWomen21/11/21 11:47 PM
7

As for your assertion that the lesson to take from this is that we need to depend on ourselves for emotional satisfaction—I think that is the unhealthy lesson to take from this. Think of this as a golden opportunity to practice communicating with your Captain your needs. Walling yourself up and depending less will just create more space for resentment. Your Captain is not a mind reader, so communicating respectfully how you feel when he expects more from you than you can give gives you the amazi…
/r/RedPillWomen10/10/21 04:08 PM
11

I would say the best course of action is to ask to talk with him and be vulnerable. You might say something along the lines of “hey honey, may I talk to you for a minute about how I’m feeling?” (Assuming he says yes) “I love how much you value hard work, it makes you an excellent provider and protector and it’s one of the things that made me fall in love with you. I just wanted to talk a little bit about how I feel hurt sometimes when I am sick due to (insert issue) and I can’t complete the task…
/r/RedPillWomen10/10/21 03:51 PM
5

Upvote for PCOS mention! I also have it and a combination of Keto/low carb, spironolactone, and exercise made the difference for me.
/r/RedPillWomen07/10/21 11:05 PM
6

I’d recommend looking at some books on the subject and going onto Pinterest and pinning designs that fit your taste. For books, my boyfriend gifted me Martha Stewart’s Organizing.
/r/RedPillWomen03/10/21 10:04 PM
10

He did, but I had to take a few days to break down the friendship walls I had so fastidiously constructed before I realized this is what I want
/r/RedPillWomen30/09/21 08:39 PM
46

Haha, I love you baby ♥️
/r/RedPillWomen30/09/21 04:59 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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