~ archived since 2018 ~

Field report: My Captain protected and provided for his first mate

July 9, 2022

My fiancé is the love of my life, and we are blessed with an unexpected pregnancy after being told I was infertile. We couldn’t be more thrilled! I am so indebted to this sub because I have the absolute best relationship with him, and it’s really helped me put into practice following his lead (which isn’t always easy for me due to a “be independent” kind of upbringing). Now, on to the field report.

Background: I didn’t have a 16 week appointment at my OBGYN due to a scheduling error on their part—they called me to tell me they had to cancel my 16 week appointment, then on the day it was originally supposed to happen they left me a message a 2 hours before the original time saying “actually, it’s back on” then labeled me a no-show when I didn’t go. They then discharged me from their practice. When I called about it, they berated me about it a bit and then said the doctor would be kind enough to “let me back in if I don’t miss any other appointments.” This upset me, as it wasn’t my fault, but I agreed anyway. Also important, I am in recovery from an eating disorder which I disclose every appointment, I grew up in a verbally abusive household, and I very much dislike conflict.

Situation: I went to my 20 week appointment with my fiancé, the intake nurse brought up the “no show” appointment and was very snippy to show she disapproved. My fiancé was unhappy, but I told him, “hey, maybe she’s just having a bad day.”

Then the doctor shows up and tells me I’ve gained 10 pounds (which really isn’t okay, as my eating disorder is documented in my file). This was very upsetting to me, and my fiancé said coolly, “which is good, right doctor?” And the doctor dismissed it saying, “yeah, it’s fine going in the second trimester.”

The doctor then proceeds to berate me over the “no show appointment” saying I missed the deadline for checking on my baby’s spine and that he doesn’t want to be held responsible for my inaction on my baby’s behalf if anything goes wrong or my baby is deformed. I feel my fiancé’s anger at this, and he steps in front of me protectively and tells the doctor with anger tenuously suppressed that I wasn’t a no show, that we have voicemails with dates and times to prove it, and that he is being extremely disrespectful to me.

The doctor refuses to listen and gets angry saying, “even if that we’re true, which it isn’t since I have it in my notes what happened, we had to call her to reschedule which she didn’t respond to (*note, I was sick for a week and wasn’t able to call during that time). We had to send a dismissal letter which is really bad.”

I try to calm my fiancé and smooth out the conflict by apologizing for not getting back to them quickly enough since I’m used to being treated like this by doctors, but then the doctor chose to continue to berate me for our “no show.” And that was the final straw for my fiancé. He told the doctor that no one gets to speak to me so disrespectfully and unprofessionally, and that we would find a new doctor.

So I had a choice to make in that moment, either tell my fiancé we should stay and that it wasn’t a big deal and try to smooth things over, or follow his lead, even though conflict makes me uncomfortable. I chose to follow his lead.

He comforted me in the car telling me he knows how stressful that must have been for me and that he will always be here to protect me. He then told me not to worry and that he would search for a new OBGYN who would be kind to me and that he would handle the scheduling so that I don’t feel any added stress—then he took me to my favorite Japanese restaurant and treated me like royalty when we got home.

Moral of the story, a HVM man who loves you will always make sure you’re taken care of.

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Post Information
Title Field report: My Captain protected and provided for his first mate
Author Ruffleafewfeathers
Upvotes 116
Comments 7
Date July 9, 2022 8:41 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/RedPillWomen
Archive Link
Original Link
Red Pill terms in post

[–]VasiliyZaitzevTRP Senior Endorsed 47 points48 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I love it how some people think they can be jerks like the internet doesn't exist. This is absolutely OUTRAGEOUS behavior on the part of the doctor. Like "fire off a letter to the governing body"-level outrageous. What a tool. I would be unkind in his online reviews also.

While it is a hassle now, you will be better off without this doctor.

[–]HumanSockPuppetTRP Founder 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dr. Dickhead overestimated his ability to intimidate and was put back in his place. No one messes with the first mate.

[–]breadcake5245 22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Amazing. I belt that felt so good, to take his lead. Awesome job! You are lucky to have a good man who will stand up for you like he should. Also, I have never had an OB tell me how much weight I have gained or be rude to me (and I have three kids). So he is 100% right to switch OBs!!

[–]girlwithasidecarEndorsed Contributor 20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I just want to second what u/breadcake5245 said about weight. I've had two, gained about 50lbs with each (and am back at 108lbs now, my second is 1.5). Other than checking my weight at appointments, I didn't ever get lectures on gaining more than I was "supposed to". Don't let the weight stress you. Especially if you are thin, your body packs on what you need to be healthy and holds onto it while you are breastfeeding.

This doctor's staff lied to their boss to cover a screw up (your appointment mishandling). It is awesome that your man stepped in and handle this.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. My fingers are crossed for you finding a doc you like and trust.

[–]Ok_Obligation_6110 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This makes me feel so much better. At my practice I see a different dr every time and at my 20 week appointment she told me I should ‘slow down on my weight gain’ even though I was 106 at my first appt, and had gained 20 pounds by 20 weeks. It made me feel really shitty like I already eat far less than the average person I can’t really be dieting while pregnant so what do you want me to do?? If I kept at a pound per week I’d still be within a healthy weight gain limit? It was so unnecessarily rude and made me panic about if I’ll be able to get back at my pre pregnancy weight within a year.

[–]angelicasinensis 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

oh my gosh I am disgusted with how your being treated at your OBGYNs- have you considered getting a midwife? Mine is still a good friend of mine, I seriously love her so much :)

[–]MrsTurnPage 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Go him and you! Doctors can be absolute asshats sometimes.

For the weight thing. I've had 3 kids. Each pregnancy I would gain weight pretty quick at the beginning then my body would chill and I'd only gain like a half pound a week once I hit 3 trimester. The most I gained was 34lbs with my first pregnancy. And I got the talk because I put on like 12 of those pounds in the 1st trimester. We aren't all going to progress the same and doctors are really bad about not realizing that some people are just natural outliers. We don't follow the damn average. Good luck!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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