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Samvanderkamp123 Archive

View 12 posts and 572 comments by Samvanderkamp123 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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25

One of the many advantages of getting divorced is never having to make meatloaf again. Tonight I had a spinach, chickpea and feta salad from my local deli. $6 and no prep time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 04:33 AM
274

Oh God, don’t get me started. A woman neighbor of mine recently lost her husband unexpectedly. The response has been a Meal Train: a casserole every three days. I gave her a Target gift card. And I will offer to help her in the summer with her yard. Because neither the community, nor the Church, is going to cut her grass or fix the roof or pay her bills. What every SAHM needs is a really good life insurance policy on her husband and a separate checking account.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 02:04 AM
228

“Intimidating and lying to a minimum-wage teenage worker to allow you to steal coffee”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 02:30 AM
18

Absolutely. I should have said teenagers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 01:09 AM
40

I gave up my seat so many times on the tube. I think more women than men stand up for pregnant women. My pet peeve was mothers who let their children sit while someone who needed the seat stood up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 11:34 PM
9

Give yourself credit for learning the lessons. And having the courage to get out. My ex husband cheated on me for years before I figured it out. But that is a reflection of him, not me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 11:31 PM
21

This brings back nasty memories of traveling on the tube during Saturday football fixtures. After a couple of times, I stopped catching the tube on those days. So as a woman I could not use public transport because of men going to a sports event. And at the time I didn’t even think that much about it because that is the world we live in. Don’t get in a mini cab, don’t go upstairs on a night bus, stay on main roads, keep your phone in your hand. All this to travel round a major “civilized” city. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 11:29 PM
121

She paid for the ring to be altered having been with him for six years. And she relocated to his country. It’s just too painful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 04:33 AM
3

That book helped me, too. It’s the mindset it advocates, as well. That’s a very good idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 12:01 PM
9

She should have told you. I’m trying with my teen daughter, but most of the time she doesn’t want to hear it. The popular culture is so biased towards the happy ever after ending. I think she sees me as some embittered feminist (feminist is a term which is not a compliment) who hates all men. I don’t hate all men, but I do believe that the majority of them are selfish to the core. At least I can bang on about education and the importance of always being able to earn your living in a well-paid ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 03:12 AM
113

This is why the term wife appliance was invented. The wife appliance exists to make a man’s life easier. It needs to look good, perform well and be reliable. If it breaks down, for example becomes unwell or has a baby, it’s perfectly understandable to be frustrated. It’s not doing what it’s supposed to do. So you demand that it performs better. Or you trade it in for a newer model. Or you generously keep it as a back-up. When you first get an appliance, you take care of it. But after a while, yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 03:40 AM
315

Men used to have hobbies. They grew vegetables in allotments, took pride in the garden, coached sports, volunteered, did home improvement projects. They played in bowling leagues, met for a poker game, swam in cold water, and hiked. Now more and more women have moved into these spheres because these hobbies require attention and persistence. There is no instant high. You have to learn and practice... and even then your tomatoes may not grow. Women’s traditional hobbies have always required a cer…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 04:03 AM
49

Does she respect your dream to be a crypto-currency entrepreneur? Does she spend Sundays cleaning? Does she support you in your many interests and hobbies, playing different video games? Does she ask your mother for instruction on how to cook your favorite meals? Does she keep in shape with gym workouts, while remaining invisible to other men?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 04:33 PM
138

If she had read FDS first, she wouldn’t have had a baby with Cooper without getting married. Then came the whole Lady Gaga thing which, regardless of what actually happened, felt terribly disrespectful to Irina. You can be drop-dead gorgeous, rich, and have their baby - and still a man will disrespect you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 04:21 PM
76

This is me. Older men want, “a nurse and a purse”. They are in poor health, out of shape, smelly, broke, and boring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 03:39 AM
65

I swear most of the stories on BroMo involve the second child. He had already shown you who he is! But you chose to have a second child with him. Or a third. I still have a great deal of sympathy for these women, though. I don’t know how they were treated as children or how they were conditioned to view relationships. We need to continue to get the message out loud and strong that you do not have a baby until you are married; that you vet as much as possible; and that he will only get worse over…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 03:41 PM
5

I’m struggling. No reputable bible scholar believes that the Bible is the literal word of God. I read Brad Ehrman’s books, starting with “Jesus Interrupted”, which explains how the New Testament was compiled and edited in large part many years after Jesus died. He also talks about Paul, putting his instructions into context. The Old Testament is too big a topic to discuss here but it is not always supported by archaeology, for example. One theory is that Yahweh was one God of many at the time an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 11:27 PM
36

Yes. Any time a man willingly moves out, he’s cheating and/or in a hotel paying for sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 12:11 PM
2

Yes. It’s on Netflix. It does a pretty good job of showing the stress on working mothers, at least for a mainstream series. And it has some good role models for teenage girls. Amy has her own business, Jade competes as an equal to the men in the rodeo and Lou is an entrepreneur.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 03:36 AM
20

The Midwest is a dead zone. Faded Glory baggy shorts or jeans (too long) and stupid joke tee-shirts. Nasty beards, broken down trucks, cheap cigarettes, and junk food.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 02:55 AM
5

Amy and Ty in Heartland. He scales back his job to be an equal parent with Amy. They both continue working.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 12:39 PM
5

I hope you got something for you, too! It’s all about caring enough to put the effort in. There is literally no-one who is too busy. It takes ten minutes to order flowers online and have them delivered. Or fifteen minutes to run into the grocery store.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 10:27 PM
16

You can ask for a police officer to escort you. Do not go alone. The number of women attacked in these situations is shocking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 05:08 PM
13

Exactly! It’s not hard. I’ve been reading all these posts on other subs about men who do nothing for their wives and girlfriends. BroMo is a black hole right now. And then the standard excuse follows in the comments about love languages. As if making some effort for your partner first involves mastering a complex psychological code. It doesn’t. It’s not hard... if you care to make the effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 05:04 PM
69

Thank you. I enjoy doing it. She is very appreciative and she will tell me over and over how much she loves each thing. By the way, the Body Shop Yogurt lotion is the best, lightweight lotion ever. I want her to grow up learning that love is an action. It’s not always gifts of course. Mostly it’s just listening and showing up. And I want her to know that the gifts you get from your family and your friends are just as valuable as the gifts a man gets you. And that you can treat yourself. I bought…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 06:03 AM
59

God, I am so sorry. I hope you have a safe place to stay?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 05:27 AM
229

My man didn’t disappoint me because I kicked him out last year. My daughter had a great day: I had pre-ordered her some Body Shop lotions and cosmetics, added some bath bombs and soap from Whole Foods, and put in some good chocolate, all arranged in a nice gift bag with a card. Newsflash. It’s not hard to do this. I run a business and a home and I managed to do all this, getting things I know she likes, by (1) listening to what she says she likes and (2) not waiting until the day itself to go sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 05:25 AM
20

He forgot to mention the 3am night feed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 03:40 AM
51

I can’t stop. Carpet cleaning. Dusting ceiling fans. Putting up Christmas decorations. Laundry. Taking donations to Goodwill. De-icing the refrigerator. Getting the dog license.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 06:51 PM
99

Can we add looking after the pets, dealing with birthdays and holidays, dealing with teacher gifts and school events, planning vacations, organizing all the packing for vacations and ensuring the house and pets are looked after during said vacation, paying bills, filing taxes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 06:39 PM
21

Please. Have some humanity. It’s because he’s “scared to say no” to them. He’s so frightened that he has to have sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 09:23 PM
41

Mr. Potato Head has entered the room.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 03:24 AM
5

I think there would be far more emphasis on rehabilitation and discouraging repeat offending. You go to prison and you are put in an education and career program.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 03:18 AM
10

In a world populated only by women, violent crime would plummet. Women do steal and murder, but to a much lesser degree. You would have some girl gangs and organized crime, women are involved in cartels, but to a much lesser degree. Without men, women would not be drawn into criminal enterprises that men previously controlled. I imagine a simpler, more outdoor life. Women have always been the backbone of agrarian economies, making homes, art, making clothes. Our health would improve: we can walk…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 05:10 AM
20

There are more and more areas in the home where men have been made obsolete. You can now get great push-button electric battery mowers and yard tools. The same with drills. I have taken down small trees with an electric saw. It takes a bit longer for me to move everything but I get there. I shovel my driveway but I could do it with no effort with a snow-blower. Corporations are making these products because they know there is a demand. It’s going to continue. There are jobs where you need real s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 03:06 AM
108

I am optimistic. The pandemic has adversely affected women but the bigger trends are in our favor. Women are consistently out-performing men in educational attainment. That in turn translates to more women in skilled and professional jobs. At the same time, there is at least a conversation about sexual harassment and unequal treatment and a growing willingness to act against it. We have a long way to go but we are on that path. Where I am pessimistic, is when it comes to men taking on 50% of chi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 11:44 PM
8

Well let’s give him a big compliment for making it to the dentist 👏 I had an ex who once pulled his own tooth out. And there is a woman on another sub right now talking about how foul her husband’s breath is due to his non-existent dental hygiene.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 01:53 PM
32

One of the many, many wonderful advantages of being single is not having to sit in the passenger seat with a man driving. No more... Riding the bumper of the car in front Shouting if the car in front takes a nanosecond to move off when the light changes Aggressively overtaking Turning left in front of on-coming traffic so that I am convinced we are about to be hit Yelling at other drivers who are keeping to the speed limit for being too slow Letting the gas tank get close to empty, then wasting …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 03:44 AM
21

Men are much more likely to avoid things they are afraid of, in my experience. I have met so many men who are afraid of blood and needles, so they just don’t get flu and tetanus shots, and they don’t go to the dentist until they are in agony.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 03:38 AM
4

Don’t get me started on the Bachelor. My teenage daughter has got into this because her friends watch it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 04:41 PM
11

It’s the culture. And opportunity. And the army attracts a lot of people who are running away from something. The military is one of the top occupations for cheating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 09:15 PM
12

You are a hero! My husband cheated on me for years and I wish someone had told me. Cheating is abuse. You know something is wrong but they keep lying. I made financial decisions to my great detriment that I would never have made if I had known. Cheaters cheat. He will carry on. You have saved the gf from a lifetime of misery. You really have done a wonderful thing for her and for yourself. He’s only sorry because he got caught.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 09:13 PM
34

I think you are right when you say that every person is loved by God. But after that we each have free will to follow the light or the dark, to decide to love our neighbor or to pursue a path of selfishness. So it is a question of using your judgement to gauge which path a man is following. Sadly, as you say, many are fundamentally selfish in their hearts and in their actions. I personally don’t think it is cynical to accept the truth that many men are spiritually bankrupt. Instead, you are reco…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 09:03 PM
35

Calm down! Are you on your period? If so, sip some warm milk and lie down. Listen to some of that meditation music women like. Then call a man. Any man will do. Explain your predicament. You may find it helpful to write some notes in advance in case you get too emotional to explain yourself clearly. Follow his advice! He will have some great suggestions. Perhaps refinance at a higher interest rate? Or take out another loan to get a new car? One loan good, two loans better! Buy a PS5 and quit you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 01:32 PM
8

I had a vm left for me this week by an older, professional man who wanted my business. He ended it by saying, “Have a nice day, dear.” WTF! I’m not his daughter. It is so condescending. I didn’t call him back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 07:01 AM
6

mEn Are LiKe fiNe wiNe!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 12:14 PM
15

Also, stay well away from guys in early recovery. Even if they are clean and sober, they have a huge amount of growing up to do. They are feeling and dealing with life unmedicated for the first time as adults. They are literally learning to be an adult. Many jump into relationships because they can’t do life on their own. There is a huge incidence of porn addiction and sexually acting out amongst these guys. They talk this spiritual talk but they are chasing multiple women and they are glued to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 03:54 PM
34

I change my towels every few days. I have a lot of cheap, white towels and washcloths, plus a couple of white mats from IKEA. I wash them all every two weeks on a hot wash with a dash of bleach. In the summer I dry them outside. No musty smells, no crusty towels. It’s not that hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 03:44 PM
56

My ex-husband went right onto OLD without skipping a beat, using a photograph I had been cropped out of. He is still using that photo, taken exactly fourteen years ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 08:33 AM
73

The key thing I have learned about men is that they are selfish. With very few exceptions, selfishness is hard-wired into them. Once I understood this, everything fell into place. Selfishness is why they don’t pull their weight with housework or childcare or caring for their partner when sick. It’s why they can see the mother of their children grow literally exhausted and still sleep in every weekend. It’s why nagging and chore charts don’t work. They know. They just don’t care. The only thing t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 12:41 PM
78

I came here to say this. Get a voice recorder and secretly record all interactions about this at work. Even if it’s not admissible in court, it’s still powerful evidence. Otherwise it’s your word against theirs and the burden of proof is on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 11:35 AM
14

It’s the culture. And sometimes women participate in the problem. I run a business and I’m super busy. Last week I got an email from a woman teacher asking for a 4 x 6 picture of a historical figure who inspires my child. This was for two day’s time. So it’s onto the computer at midnight, find non-copyright photo, take screenshot, format, upload to photo printing app. Collect from store the next day. This happens all the time. And it’s always the mother tracking down goggles for the science proj…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 03:35 AM
136

Same here. Married for 12 years, and had a baby, with a man who was faking the whole thing to basically get a roof over his head. My friend’s father had a second, secret family for 30 years. The first her mother knew of it was when they turned up at the father’s funeral.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 03:22 AM
170

I am dealing with this right now. I am so sick of a lifetime of dealing with the egos, wants and insecurities of men. I work with women whenever possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 01:05 AM
18

We need a woman giving the same advice. I know there is Suze Orman but I find her quite condescending.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 07:55 PM
28

This is a well-established concept in jurisprudence: the idea that achieving equality does not entail treating everyone the same because, as you say, people have different needs. It absolutely needs to be applied to women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 07:53 PM
37

After 30 professional work years, this is so true. There is one permitted mood however.... Hallmark Heroine! She is warm, smiling, cheerful, upbeat and caring at all times. Never angry, always helpful, super organized and ready with a nice mug of hot cocoa in a crisis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 07:47 PM
4

So what kind of things do you say!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 05:58 AM
9

I need help with something like this. I’m working alongside this LVM and he constantly puts me down with a little hahaha at the end. It is infuriating. His ego is fucking huge, probably because he is a gnome. So I will say something like, “I have to call tech support for this issue.” And he will puff himself up and say, “Well, if that’s the hardest thing you have to do today, you don’t have anything to complain about.” I only have to deal with him for a month so all I can think of is to keep my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 04:27 AM
26

Yep. Because he’s just the one who got caught.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 01:10 AM
14

And this is why I don’t have cameras, or any devices which can listen-in, in my home. I do have exterior cameras, but those record only what could be seen from the street anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 01:10 AM
38

The snitching is real. The old ones come running to me telling tales. It’s actually pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 03:05 AM
91

God, this is so true. I work with men and the older ones always want to get into an ego flex with younger ones. They correct them. Pretend to educate them. Then they start lifting ridiculously heavy items to show that they’ve still got it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 01:10 AM
29

Mine are all, “In a relationship with Billy-Bob Skraggy”. Billy-Bob’s status is single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 10:07 PM
42

This. In my experience, it’s because the woman knows he’s a cheater. So she’s establishing ownership, trying to fend off the other pickmes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 10:04 PM
47

These younger women who marry regular older men like doctors and lawyers generally over-estimate their earning power and under-estimate the cost of supporting the first family. The step-children always hate her. So she has a baby to consolidate her position, realizing too late that her husband has done all this before and brings up all the parenting ideas from his first wife. After the baby is born, she spends every day exercising and wondering if her husband is having an affair. Meanwhile he’s …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 09:54 PM
10

All female doctors and lawyers on mainstream American TV shows are gorgeous and are only allowed to wear tight, sleeveless dresses and heels. My wonderful ob-gyn who teaches at a university, dresses like a granny in comfy pants and warm sweaters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 06:58 PM
123

It’s hard to even discover that your partner is addicted to porn. They delete their computer history, lock their phones, get a secret credit card. Meanwhile, as your sex life goes down the drain, you get told that they are stressed/depressed or it’s your fault. Until it happened to me, I wasn’t even aware of the impact of porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 06:55 PM
62

Russell Crowe looks like he should be serving beer in a village pub in Ireland.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 06:48 PM
2

“He is against making plans” What does this even mean?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 02:08 AM
4

I was very trusting. Never, ever again. I honestly get enraged by those posts where something obviously shady is going on with a man....... and the woman is told to trust him. I knew something was off but every time I confronted him, he had an explanation. And he was very convincing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 11:08 AM
31

I was remodeling a house with my ex husband. I gave him cash he said was needed to pay a contractor. There was no contractor bill. Instead, he gave that $1500 to woman he was having an affair with to use as a deposit on an apartment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 06:25 PM
37

Men just don’t follow basic hygiene. On the rare occasions I go out, I put on a clean face-mask. I come home, wash it, air-dry it, then it goes to the bottom of the pile. I have about ten masks that I rotate. I have hand sanitizing wipes in my car that I use as soon as I get in the car. When I get home, before I do anything, I wash my hands. Today I went out and I saw these men with masks half hanging off because it’s the same mask they have been using for 10 months that lives in their car and h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 06:13 PM
2

I did not know that. That is awful. I hope she has some money set aside because she is going to need it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 11:50 AM
4

“10 Things Women Over 40 Should Not Wear” These pop up all the time when what we really need is 10 Ways For Men To Wash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 08:54 PM
5

To be fair, in the context of Chumplady, it’s absolutely not about sticking around. She is all about not trying to understand them, or persuade them, or change them. It’s a character issue, not a communication issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 11:45 AM
28

I can tell you for a fact there is no wall. I am in my fifties and this year, despite barely leaving my house, I got hit on by two guys in their thirties. One of them was super nice. I’m not interested but it’s proof that this wall is a fiction promoted by men to devalue women. They can’t take our money, our careers or our power. All they are left with is this narrative about aging. It’s pathetic, really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 04:03 AM
10

For many of these women, the wedding is the high point. What’s left? The 9-5 in a boring job with a man who keeps getting fatter and lazier. So then they have the baby. Head over to breaking mom to see how that works out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 05:16 PM
25

I see it with pickme mothers. I’m around them a lot. I have a teenage daughter. My looks are fading, while she gets more beautiful every day. It’s everything: her skin, her hair, her vibrancy. I love it. But I was never very invested in my looks. My daughter has a friend whose mother is a hairdresser. She is horrible to her daughter. I have seen this woman prod her daughter’s stomach and call her chubby. You can feel the jealousy. If you are fucked up, your daughter is a daily reminder of how yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 05:13 PM
126

I love Chumplady on this: It isn’t that he doesn’t understand. It’s that he doesn’t agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 05:04 PM
0

I guess because she is his chattel, she has to go, too?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 12:14 PM
3

No amount of therapy is going to fix his character. The way he has literally preached virtue to everyone else whilst cheating himself is sickening.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 11:56 PM
27

I use the Vanguard ETF’s which are a range of stocks. You can choose low or high risk or a mix (I’m quite conservative) and see the past performance of the fund. It’s too risky to pick individual stocks as a regular person, in my opinion. My ex did the whole day-trading thing and, shockingly, lost a ton of my money. Congratulations on wiping out the debt! Doing that is super important. And the savings will bring you peace of mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 10:02 PM
15

The person whose mental health is suffering is his wife. He runs away to rehab. She is left dealing with the betrayal and the public fallout, and God knows what financial consequences, all the while holding her family together over Christmas. Unfortunately, she made the mistake of tying her professional life to his, only to find out that his dick takes precedence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 09:58 PM
18

Underplay how much money you have. As far as he is concerned, you are just getting by. These LV men are looking for a soft place to land.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 11:09 AM
166

Aside from the obvious LVM situation here, why is she posting about cleaning the carpet? I mean, I cleaned the windows today. And emptied the dishwasher. Should I have made a TikTok?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 01:32 AM
17

I’m in my fifties. There is a huge industry which profits from telling women they desperately need to “fight the signs of aging” with innumerable hair and skin products. In fact, all you need is good moisturizer and sunscreen. The rest is optional. Secondly, respect for older women has been eroded. Their life experience and wisdom is derided. Instead, they are valued according to how young they look.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 04:11 PM
70

I know a couple of guys who do this: wax lyrical about the saintly dead girlfriend who can never be replaced in his heart. I don’t believe it. It’s just a poor-me excuse for not committing. This great love is a fiction, invented after the woman died. Chances are it was a less than average relationship in which he was your less than average scrote, not some grand passion. She should have noped out of there the first time he wheeled out this script. And pointed out that he needs to build a shrine …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 03:45 AM
25

Congratulations! Never go back into debt!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 03:36 AM
95

There was never a ring. He just doesn’t want to admit it. And there were never going to be any Christmas gifts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 01:37 AM
20

Every single woman who posts a ring picture makes it abundantly clear that she bought it for herself. Because last year, Chad gave her nothing on account of him not having a job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 04:37 PM
14

My ex said exactly the same thing. I completely believed him. This was the reason for his intimacy issues, depression, inability to be productive etc Except that he was having affairs. And none of his siblings had the same story. I wasn’t there so I don’t know the truth but I think at the very least he exaggerated. Moreover, he was in his forties, endlessly going on about his childhood. I do think there are people who suffer abuse in childhood that scars them for life, most obviously sexual abus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 05:29 AM
297

My experience has taught me that my ex used anger to get his own way. It was fake anger, used to bully me. He used it to shut me down, to literally silence me, and then to do whatever he wanted. This “rage” men show isn’t on display at work or around guys bigger and stronger than they are. Interestingly, they never kick their own vehicle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 05:20 AM
7

“Disappointment” I’m crying here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 09:10 PM
39

I work with some LV guys. You are right, it totally fuels their ego and they will quote lines to their scrote friends as a badge of honor. They literally laugh at your pain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 09:05 PM
3

We have a new contender for Gift of the Damned. Current leader is the can of Febreeze in a Christmas stocking but sachet of instant coffee is now in the running.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 09:03 PM
6

Ok. I have so many questions. Did he have a bed? Or was the dirty laundry on the floor? Did he expect you to join him in his nest?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 09:01 PM
43

Why don’t they have sheets? Or, if they do, it’s a cheap, pilled, threadbare, stinky Faded Glory bland blue “fitted” sheet half off the bed? This is my bed: Good quality iron and brass bed frame which does not shake because it is properly screwed together Thick orthopedic mattress without craters 3” Memory Foam topper Fitted topper cover Thick fitted white cotton sheet White down comforter Nice blanket Cotton quilt Four good quality pillows, that do not smell and are not flat, with cotton pillow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 03:27 PM
69

I don’t even recognize the blue logo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 05:16 AM
60

You had me at pearl earring
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 05:11 AM
362

They don’t read the messages anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 03:48 AM
30

I had a list. It worked every time I felt lonely or questioned myself. One read through and I was HELL NO!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 03:46 AM
19

One lesson I learned (from a man who was very successful in business) is that there is no deal, no person, no place that you must not be afraid to walk away from if the terms change. So if you agree to a job, and on the day of signing they try to renegotiate the terms, walk away. It took me years to find the courage to actually do this and it has always worked out for me. Either they cave or something better comes along. If someone threatens to leave, let them go. Every time I have raised prices…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 03:44 AM
3

It is. It took me a long, long time to get over it and stop beating myself up. I was played. The person I thought was on my side was moving against me. It really hurts and it was very traumatic. But one of the reasons I didn’t see it is that I am not like him, I am a pretty normal person. I’m not a cynical user. My ex was highly manipulative and calculating. You will get past this but it takes time and you may see events from the past come back to you in a different light.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 02:32 AM
15

Sister, I was a lawyer and my ex stole from me for years. Please don’t feel ashamed. These guys are very, very good at what they do. You didn’t notice because you weren’t looking. This is not your fault. You are the victim here of a liar and a thief. I made the exact same excuses: his family didn’t believe in therapy; the economy was rough so his business wasn’t doing well. Here’s the thing: you will never make the same mistake again if you operate on a “trust but verify” philosophy. So many wom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 10:36 PM
15

It wasn’t a change: this is who he really is; this is his true character. It emerged once he felt he didn’t have to compromise, accommodate your needs, and work to make you happy. Breaking up is rough. I found it helped to make a list of all the awful things my ex had done and to read it any time I felt nostalgic for the few good times we had. These men always get worse. Head over to breaking mom and see your future if you had stayed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 10:28 PM
17

I love that ring! What stone is it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 03:50 PM
50

Absolutely. Anytime a woman looks at the man’s phone she is labeled as controlling, insecure and crazy. Then she is told to be more trusting. Cheating is abuse. A woman is being deceived into continuing a relationship with a man, a relationship she would end if she knew the truth. She is risking her health, her finances and her sanity. She is entirely justified in uncovering the crock of lies and manipulation to which she is being subjected.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 03:30 PM
255

Reddit always blames the mothers. I have two friends who I would say are great mothers. Their daughters are sensible, productive members of society. Their sons are selfish and irresponsible. A mother is just one influence: teenage boys are heavily influenced by their peer group. The father is important as a counter-balance to this and as a role-model. Popular culture also plays a part. Where is the father in all this? At least she stayed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 03:25 AM
20

No one has ever given me money. I worked for it. I wasn’t out partying during my teenage years, I was studying. Then I got my degree and my masters. My ex, who didn’t even graduate high school, spent those years having fun. That’s fine, that’s his choice. But now he is seething with resentment that I outearn him. That is not down to luck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 01:01 AM
37

I’m so sorry. Happy to hear he is your ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 12:56 AM
157

The number of posts on Reddit where the man gets COVID. He takes to his bed for a week. Then the woman catches COVID. She gets a day in bed, the house falls apart, and then he’s yelling at her to get up. Once she’s feverish and cooking dinner, he heads out to the bar, leaving her with the children. These women were also doing the full Christmas prep while suffering with COVID.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 08:29 PM
77

As a woman I’m not designed for monogamy. It’s unnatural. It’s not my fault!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 03:59 PM
57

Adding to this, make sure you build up an emergency fund and never, ever, ever give a cent of that money to a man. Don’t “lend” or give money to a man period. His car repair, phone bill and toothache is not your responsibility to fix.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 03:29 AM
354

Stop going to a man’s house on the first date. Or second or third or tenth. Just don’t. You will be propositioned for sex and you may be raped. Similarly, stop inviting him to your home. Every damn day on Reddit there is a woman going to a man’s house to “watch a movie and order food” and every single time she is put under pressure for sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 03:22 AM
44

That expression! 👀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 01:10 AM
62

Some women feel that living alone is a sign that they have “failed” to attract a man. Related to this is the myth of marriage, a Hallmark version of life in which you cut the Christmas tree together before going home to drink cocoa by the fire. The reality is domestic servitude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 08:26 PM
3

They don’t have any desire to improve themselves. They don’t study or improve themselves, they don’t learn new skills or improve their homes. It’s actually pathetic how lazy they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 11:53 PM
3

The concrete project was when I was ten. We had moved into this new-build development and everyone wanted a wider driveway. So my Dad and the neighbors either side hired a concrete mixer. They took a weekend and framed, mixed and laid the concrete for 3 driveways. My Dad was a sales rep, one was an engineer and one worked for a bank. They just figured it out and worked all weekend, then went back to work on Monday. And it was kind of normal. Guys did big projects every weekend. And did all the r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 11:52 PM
2

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 04:16 PM
219

Coronavirus has shone a light on the reality of most marriages: where both partners are working from home, the woman has taken on the burden of childcare and virtual schooling. Her meetings are interrupted, she is the one working late at night to catch up. He has carried on as normal, ignoring the requirements of schooling children at home. The women I know who most successfully combine work and family, rely on their mothers for childcare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 04:14 PM
2

I’m inspired. I’m in much the same situation. Right now I can’t afford a new kitchen so I’m hoping to refinish my kitchen doors and learn to tile. If I could lay flooring as well, that would save my a ton of money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 11:54 AM
5

Good deal! What projects do you have planned?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 04:04 AM
5

Someone really needs to buy an aircraft
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 02:50 AM
11

I work in real estate in the Midwest. I see these all the time. Oh, and of course, the mattress on the floor with the sheet half off and the comforter that has never been washed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 02:43 AM
26

Oh yes. I’m about to put my pant suit on and head out to meet my local neo-Nazi cell. We will make a devious plan to take down AHS because thats what women everywhere are demanding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 10:34 PM
22

Oh please can you do their houses: Fire pit which is a hole in the lawn Tires stacked against the house Pair of aggressive, barking dogs he never walks Nasty brown curtains Weeds. Weeds everywhere. Tree branch in front yard Truck Bathroom with Axe Shotgun Rat in cage Monster drink in huge Styrofoam cup Nasty brown carpet Overflowing ashtray. Or soda can for dip. Ants. Fleas. Bed bugs. Take your pick. Huge TV Hungry Man frozen dinner boxes Dollar General sunglasses
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 10:27 PM
32

Mine did this. This is why cheating is abusive: the person you trust the most is not only stabbing you in the back, but telling you there is no knife in his hand. It shattered me. The lying and the contempt for me that it demonstrated was traumatic to experience. I will never trust another man, and honestly that is a good thing. Only this week, I got a message from a married man telling me how “attractive” I am. This is a guy whose whole FB is about his wife, children and grandchildren 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:00 PM
14

You mean not paying 🤡 cellphone bill or “lending” 🤡 money for his car insurance or paying 🤡 Urgent Care bill because 🤡 doesn’t have health insurance?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 05:03 AM
27

I have a friend who nursed her elderly mother at home, worked part-time, provided childcare for two grandchildren and kept the house immaculate. I never heard her complain. Actually, she is one of the happiest people I know. Why? Because she is a decent human being who loved her mother and wanted to care for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 07:19 PM
39

Yeah. Let him lead you into a falling down house, broken down vehicle, scrap all over your yard, and eventual bankruptcy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 07:10 PM
96

OMG. My ex threw this in occasionally. Anytime I was legitimately upset with him (stealing my money, treating me like a maid) he would give a condescending sigh and tell me that my problem was my “perception of the situation”. A couple of years after we got divorced, he asked me for a loan of $4k for his business. He had cash flow problems. I refused. He went on a rant about how he was broke and how I was so much better off than him. I told him that was only his perception of the situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 07:08 PM
100

He thought he could get away with it. Nice long paragraph, good dose of woke, a little angst, overall group hug vibe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 05:02 PM
10

Heartland is cheesy but it has two women running a ranch and some good FDS moments. I’m watching it with my teen daughter right now. There is a bad boy, Ty, but he does the right things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 04:43 PM
80

This is why you don’t pay for a man’s education. Or car. Or housing. Or bills. You think you are part of a team. He knows you are his ATM. I know personally know two LV guys who are with their partners because the women own their homes and they live their for free.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 04:39 PM
7

I love that ring!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 01:43 AM
141

Thank you for sharing this. My cheating ex-husband did so many things you mention: phone lock; automatically cleared the Internet history; changed his credit cards to online statements that I didn’t have access to; big cash withdrawals. And you are so right about the holidays. All sorts of excuses to make calls. Take your cheating partner to a place there is no cellphone signal and watch him fume.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 01:33 AM
14

If you do it properly, being a mother is really hard work. I feel every year brings a new challenge, something else to deal with. Obligatory “I love my children” but I had no clue how much my whole life would be structured around my children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:32 AM
3

Now I have this dream vision for the LV man: Woman Principal suspends him from school Woman College Professor confuses him, he drops out Woman boss at Wendy’s fires him Woman LEO arrests him for DUI Woman judge sentences him Woman Probation Officer holds him to account Finally, broken, he goes to work on an all-male construction crew. Arrives at work on day one. Engineer and architect are women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 12:22 AM
48

It’s a complete lottery. I had two C-sections which I would never have expected. Breast-feeding was really painful until I got past the couple of weeks. I feel that I lost my peace of mind. I always have that thought in the back of my head - are my children safe? I have so much fear for my daughter as a young adult. It’s grueling. Watching your child get dropped by a friend or not making the team is really hard. People underestimate the sheer amount of work and worry that goes into being a decen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:52 PM
20

I saw my fantastic ob-gyn for my annual check-up today. She says that everyone comes in saying they feel tired and blah. Not clinically depressed but unmotivated. It’s COVID. We have lost so much social contact and opportunities to exercise our minds and brains. I take a really good multivitamin and liquid iron. I try to exercise, that’s my big challenge. And she says COVID is really, really taking a hold. Be safe, sisters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 07:52 PM
6

So this is my new addiction. Love this girl. How does any man think that they will attract a woman with these profiles?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 02:02 AM
145

OMG. And the soundtrack as he slopes off. Please God they sang it at full blast. Remix to Ignition 🎤😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 12:20 AM
11

Yep. And then they need to “borrow” money for the repairs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 03:47 PM
4

Absolutely. And then the wife also has to consider the consequences of moving out on the children. So she stays, trapped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 04:13 AM
48

One thing that helped me was typing out a list of every single bad thing my ex ever did. Every time I thought about him, I read that list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 03:45 AM
14

I Googled it, too. It’s silver, the cheapest option. They have some gold deer necklaces starting at $139.99.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 10:31 PM
6

You know it’s the truth that as women we live in a world that goes beyond satire. It’s like the Christmas SNL robe sketch where Mom has an empty stocking and gets a sale robe. In fact, many mothers get nothing at all. Or a can of Febreeze.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 09:08 PM
4

Absolutely. You are so trapped with a baby, unless you have supportive family that you can run home to. Which is why these guys target young women who don’t have good situations at home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 09:05 PM
7

Sorry, sarcasm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 09:01 PM
4

It’s on JustNoSo. They have since had a fight and his response is to tell her she is like a teenager having a pity party: https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/kkf2j3/lots_of_posts_about_bad_so_gifts_but_i_think_i/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 06:01 PM
7

This is one of many cringe stories. My now ex-husband was, as usual broke. Our babysitter got married. I took out cash to give to her and her husband as an extra gift for spending money on their honeymoon. I then gave it to my husband who grandly handed it over and took all the credit while I stood there and let it happen. All to build up his ego and keep up the pretense that he owned a successful business. He didn’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 05:49 PM
13

One question to ask yourself is whether you are doing things to make him look better to friends and family: I have done all of the following: Carrying the conversation around other people to disguise the fact that he is surly or sulky or just plain making zero effort Giving him money in advance so he can pay in public. Yes. Really. I cannot believe I did this. Exaggerating his job Hiding how bad his financial situation is and the fact that I am subsidizing him Hiding his embarrassing and stupid …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 05:44 PM
16

I spent $600 on my boyfriend’s gifts, bought special hand-printed paper from Switzerland to wrap his PS5, got up at 5am to make a holiday breakfast. Then I got the kiddos up. He got up at 1pm, smoked weed, gamed. He “forgot” to buy me a present. I started crying, did I mention I’m pregnant and I haven’t had more than 3 hours sleep a night for the past 5 years, and I work 2 jobs. He got angry and punched a hole in the wall. But he is a great Dad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 04:39 PM
8

It’s true. It was in her stocking. There is also a woman who got a toaster.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 03:32 PM
166

College-educated women can afford to get divorced. There are so many women stuck in miserable marriages who can’t afford to leave, either because they are SAHMs or because they can’t cover the cost of childcare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 05:33 AM
24

I was in this situation a few years ago. I started buying myself gifts and I have never looked back. Sometimes I get gifts from other people and sometimes not but I love the gifts I get myself. I put aside money every month for Christmas and I love picking something out. Other subs are full of LVM horror stories - one woman got a can of Febreeze - and lots of women get nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 05:29 AM
147

100% the script my cheating ex used on me. Plus, “I know I don’t deserve you. My mother didn’t love me and I have intimacy issues and I have betrayed my own values blah blah blah.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 04:00 AM
12

Thank God you saw him for what he was and got out. Women get trapped by children, low wages or no money at all, and no support. It’s horrendous. They become maids, abused by the men they are now stuck with. Always prioritize your education. Delay getting married until you have a career Don’t have children without getting married Judge actions not words Vet, vet, vet
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 12:23 AM
3

Honestly, it is LVM For Dummies. They see a woman as an appliance, installed for sex, cooking and cleaning, and childcare. But primarily sex. There is no hint of forming an actual relationship. He literally never asks himself the screamingly obvious question of why any woman would want to sleep with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 12:16 AM
23

Sisters, I sacrificed 11 minutes for the cause: Setting: basement Advisory: hold your phone at arms length He is giving up. Really giving up. Life is not fair. Announcement on how he is broken: truly he is giving up trying to get p*ssy. He is NOT going to lose weight. He’s like a tired wrestler who can’t fight back. He’s like an older boxer who can’t take the hits. (Ignores the fact that this is a wholly inappropriate analogy when dealing with emotional resilience which should increase with age …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 09:47 PM
141

I think what he means is this: Him: work an entry-level job, lose job, be unemployed, move in, eat everything, game, watch porn, smoke weed, get drunk, wreck his car, wreck your car, punch holes in drywall, ignore Christmas, cheat You: work, go to college, pay bills, buy gifts, clean house, go to gym, get therapist, break up Him: crying apologies, buy single rose from grocery store You: take him back because he is depressed and insecure. Monitor phone. Hide car keys. Buy Air-fryer. Complete onli…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 04:31 PM
48

You are never going to be in the mental headspace to block him. You block him anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 10:18 PM
22

There’s a woman on there who got a toaster for Christmas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 09:38 PM
2

I want to read that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 09:31 PM
2

The problem with rowing the boat alone is that it took all my energy. I was emotionally and mentally drained. I lost my creativity. I took a huge financial hit. I was literally obsessed with fixing this marriage. My health suffered from the stress and from catering to his every need and neglecting my own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 06:54 PM
71

I honestly have come so close to saying that. Just to burst the bubble that this husband with a face like a cinnamon roll is a prize I would want to steal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 06:51 PM
25

BroMo and JustNoMan are on fire. No gifts, soap gifts, unwrapped gifts and the men are asleep. Then there is the woman who broke her ankle three weeks ago but delayed going to the ER because her SO told her it was fine and she needed to stop whining.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 06:46 PM
48

I’m an immigrant to the US. When I first moved here, my neighbor told me she had her Christmas gifts wrapped by Thanksgiving. I thought she was insane. Until I did Christmas here and I was running around doing all the things you listed above. So I got organized. I actually get my wrapping paper in January from the Hallmark store. I get a few things in Christmas in July. I get most of the shopping done by Thanksgiving so that I can actually enjoy the run up to Christmas. And I’m still standing in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 06:38 PM
127

The idea that feminism is going to “burn out” is ludicrous. As technology advances, and our educational lead widens even more, women are going to move even further ahead. We are going to earn more money, buy more houses and cars, invest more money. And if Kamala becomes President, it will represent both a real and a symbolic advance for women, inspiring a whole generation of young women. Men, with their poor self-discipline and unwillingness to keep educating themselves, are going to fall furthe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 06:29 PM
151

Don’t forget that each of us is secretly planning to steal our neighbor’s fat, ugly, stupid husband. In fact, I’m currently boiling up some toad gizzard for my spell 🐈‍⬛
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 06:24 PM
38

Congratulations! I had a moment earlier today. I live in a very family-orientated neighborhood and this evening my neighbors were having a family gathering, never mind the ‘rona, and it all looked so perfect. I had images of food and games and laughing conversation. And maybe it will be. But whatever the evening, it is the women who are holding it all together, the women who did all the work, who did all the cooking and shopping and wrapping and decorating. And at the end of the evening they go …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 07:16 AM
6

Honestly, she has made a series of bad decisions here. This guy is fundamentally selfish. Then she gets pregnant without getting married. That is financially disastrous for her. He’s going to bail, once he’s figured out how to pay the minimum in child support.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 05:56 AM
19

The cheating: arranging escorts for when they are working out of town; running a double life at home; and keeping all of it a secret from their partner with apps, secret credit cards and burner phones. No problem at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 05:45 AM
92

Preach! The number of men on breakingmommy with some-sort of attention deficit disorder (diagnosed by his wife) given as a possible reason why he forgets to change his child’s diaper for ten hours, get a job or shower. And no, he’s not depressed either because he manages the tasks he wants to do just fine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 07:31 PM
8

I’m sorry you are going through this. My ex got full implants fifteen years ago and I’m sure he hasn’t been to the dentist for years. Or flossed. And so I wait.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 04:12 PM
46

I hope so. My mistake, that everyone here can learn from, is never, ever pay for a man. Even if you are doing well, even if you get a bonus. Because circumstances change, mine did, and I really wish I had that money now in a 401k. You don’t know what the future holds. You absolutely have to have savings. Every cent you spend on a man is taking away your safety and security. Men have no problem taking your money and giving nothing in return except a bunch of promises. Don’t do it. Don’t give expe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 03:17 AM
9

Really! I thought it was a one and done thing? I know he doesn’t go to the dentist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 03:12 AM
80

I Google “life of dental implants” every now and then. It was the gift that keeps on giving me resentment. I was such a fool. I gave and gave, he took and took, and if he hadn’t cheated I might still be there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 09:16 PM
372

Y’all are amateurs. Dental implants. 🤡 🤡 🤡 Did this the first year we were married. Because he said he had this rare gum disease. Of course that was bs, he just didn’t floss. He and his new teeth had a grand old time running around cheating on me. This was 16 years ago and because I bought the best, the teeth are still going strong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 04:45 PM
31

I think this is good advice because it’s assertive. Another tip I have from work is to pin men down on an end date for a project. They love to say when they will start, like they are making this momentous commitment. You have to lock them in on when they will finish. Set that date in stone. Get it in text or email. Then you at least have something to start holding them accountable to. Also, a lot of men need a deadline to finish a job. So I tell them that x is happening on a certain date and the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 04:43 PM
88

I have looked into my crystal ball and I predict that his Dad will experience a health emergency in the next day or so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 12:09 AM
20

There was a man recently, married with a baby and toddler, who was asking AITA for wanting to play video games from 12 noon on Christmas Day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 08:27 PM
13

UnFaiR! Couch is beige or grey. Rug is beige and grey. See! CoOrdiNaTed! Shower curtain: actually just the liner. Never washed Curtains: nope. Broken, dusty blinds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 06:13 PM
42

He’s told her how it is. She’s a lower priority. He has devalued the mother of his child because she asked her mother for help eight weeks after an awful delivery. Cue a future of sulks, silent treatment, nagging for sex, possibly a gift of Walgreens’ Christmas Scented Bath Collection (Peony & Chai).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 06:06 PM
7

I know! It is. Some women do much more: like hosting the husband’s out of town family, which I refused to do because I hate house guests who are not my friends, and I got a ton of grief for that. Those women are literally running a hotel over Christmas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:10 PM
2

There is always a baby when they are married!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 06:07 AM
50

He seamlessly transitions from a description of her sad single life to the fact that she is getting married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 05:53 AM
14

I’m in my fifties and I feel so much happier and more liberated. It gets better and better!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 05:23 AM
10

Aww. Thank you. I kind of lost my creativity a while ago, coincidentally when I was a few years into that marriage... I still do some of those things. My children are older now. But I am happy to have left that insanity behind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 05:22 AM
171

The Christmas emotional load is unreal. When I was married this was my to-do list and I’ve probably forgotten a few things. And I did all of it myself while working full-time Put up tree and decorate, with children “helping” Decorate house Decorate outside. Then-husband might put up icicle lights. Or he might not Buy thoughtful gifts for husband and children and about 15 extended family. Separate gift receipts Christmas cards x 40. Write and mail Mail 4 gifts overseas. Stand in line at USPS fore…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 09:29 PM
168

My then husband was lazy and useless. As soon as I filed for divorce, he was super focused on the finances and getting every cent he can. Men can look after themselves if they choose to. Please put yourself first. Your bf is a grown man. It’s not your job to be his mommy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 09:03 PM
63

That was my thought. She is really going to regret being nice: when he realizes this is serious, and he has to face doing the work of looking after himself, he’s going to be really nasty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 09:00 PM
62

She needs to: Buy herself some luxury goods. She’s a teacher. She’s earned whatever she wants. Get the teenagers something. Get the husband and his family nothing. Stock the freezer, buy some fruit, retire to the couch with the remote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 10:04 PM
45

The Better Call Saul character of Kim Wexler is a career woman written by a man. She is hard-working, very good at her job and able to hold her own. So far, so good. But she’s unlike any woman professional I have ever met. She becomes more assertive, but only because Jimmy encourages this. She has no women friends. She never forms bonds with the women she works with. She has no hobbies or interests. She never once discusses having or not having children. She always looks immaculate. Her signatur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 07:16 AM
49

I doubt that you ask for too much. More likely, he wants to offer too little. Sadly, men will end a relationship rather than work to save it. But he is showing you the truth of your situation and it never gets better, only worse. Far better to find out now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 07:04 AM
35

I have no words. I have a teenage daughter and I would never, ever bring a man into our home, let alone marry one with an addict son. It’s at best a risk and at worse an opportunity for an abuser. The son’s addiction has without doubt been going on for years. This woman is traumatizing her daughter so that she can be married to a worthless leach. What the hell is she thinking. I’m so sorry for the daughter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 09:56 PM
53

When my then husband had multiple affairs, I hated the other women. I still think that sleeping with a married man, and hoping to get a free ride on the work the wife has done, is a contemptible thing to do. But I don’t care now. Those women saved me from a miserable life and certain bankruptcy. I have peace now and savings and a credit score of 800 (coincidentally equal to the value of my ex’s current vehicle). And he lied to them about being on the road to divorce blah blah.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 09:50 PM
29

I was hoping that they didn’t have children. She is very probably trapped for the time being, unable to afford to live on her own. Unless you have really good family support to provide free and reliable childcare, it’s well nigh impossible to work with young children. I was embarrassed as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 08:00 PM
29

All through the show he had this “shrugs his shoulders” vibe. SHE was worried about the house collapsing, with good cause. HE didn’t care. If I had caused a house to be structurally unsound through my own laziness and stupidity, I would have been mortified. But this guy wasn’t remotely worried. Absolutely no self-awareness. For men, it is never their fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 07:49 PM
8

I believe they are both hard-wired and conditioned to be selfish. Beyond that, they choose to be selfish. I know one or two men who are genuinely unselfish on occasions, who help others privately with no agenda. But every single time a man helps a single woman, he has the hope of getting laid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 01:10 PM
144

I don’t think you can get past cheating. But even if you believe you can, total transparency is needed. This was not a “mistake”: it was a prolonged, calculated deception. He moved the other woman in FFS! This woman will continue to suffer because she wants to trust someone who is inherently untrustworthy, who will one day do this again, who has not even demonstrated true remorse by working to reassure her. It’s sad. She loves him but he doesn’t love her. The answer is always to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 05:09 AM
19

Look at his little corgi legs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 05:00 AM
26

If I was a man, I would need to do the following to be in a good relationship: Hold down a decent job, shower daily, brush and floss my teeth twice a day Clean my house weekly, do my laundry (fold and iron), buy clothes that fit, cook occasionally Organize dates, be helpful, listen, be faithful, provide support, buy gifts my partner wants, learn foreplay I would be in the top 1%. No more waiting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 04:57 AM
14

It only gets better!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 04:44 AM
63

I would rather buy my own gift than drop hints to a man and end up disappointed while listening to lame excuses. A woman once told me that the brightest diamonds are the ones you buy yourself. I have had a very tough year in my business but I bought myself a gift. I am so much better off than when I was married to a leach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 04:44 AM
28

Can I add that the quality of writing of the original post, and the comments, is by far the best on reddit. We can analyze this issue, debate, and disagree in a civil way. There are no insults, bizarre sexual references or aggressive put-downs. Literally the only thing men have in their favor is that we are physically and economically disadvantaged by child-bearing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 07:20 PM
45

I agree. Sometimes we have to look at the juxtaposition of gender and economic inequality. For example, women comprise half the workforce in Amazon warehouse jobs, around a quarter of manager jobs and a handful at the executive level. That is unconscionable. Corporations like Amazon pledge lip service to changing this but will not pay for the maternity, medical and flexible working benefits to make it possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 12:55 PM
226

Technology has played a fundamental part in the decline of traditional male jobs. Firstly, it has eliminated many of those jobs. For example, sales reps. The guys who used to drive around selling. Now it’s mostly done via a website. Secondly, it has opened those jobs and tasks to women. I can cut my own grass with my electric mower. Hell, I could even roof my house if I had to. The roofing supply company will put the shingles on the roof with their hydraulic lift truck and then I get out my gene…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 12:06 PM
32

I was already married to a guy like Tom and I loved Lynette. These guys are all about the dream. They have no resilience. My ex was full of stupid ideas and lost a ton of money day-trading. They are also invariably cheaters. The wife is a nag who stifles their vision.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 12:42 PM
23

Men frequently work late or “socialize for work” to avoid helping with their own children at bedtime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 05:29 AM
5

Las Vegas was the only place my ex actually enjoyed because he could pretend he had money and gamble. We saw the erotic C de S show, and shockingly he didn’t complain about that. I remember getting pink eye while I was there and heading out on my own to find a doctor because he was tired and needed to nap. It was exhausting, trying to create this fantasy perfect vacation. By the time I got to the lone beach walks, I was done. I stopped booking vacations because I couldn’t deal with the frustrati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 05:24 AM
76

His love language is playing video games. It’s perfect because mine is giving him blow jobs while he games 😆💋🥰 We also split the chores 50/50. I cook and clean plus do laundry and take care of the yard. He buys his own Gatorade and cigarettes from the gas station. And we have proved we can make it through the bad times!!! He lost his job due to Covid and got really depressed but I am covering the bills and doing his job applications 😊But I’m not pressuring him to contribute because he feels so b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 12:18 AM
9

Mine knew it all based on basic training. He was going to start running and doing push-ups - next week - because when he was in the Army he could run twenty miles and do 200 push-ups. He was also one of the best the army had ever seen at unarmed combat. Honestly, I don’t know how the Army has managed without him. But they got him for three years and he lived off the stories for the rest of his life. He is 55 now and, now I think about it, I realize he has been telling his basic training stories …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 12:59 PM
177

Eating pets is his love language. You sound controlling. This is why he shuts down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 11:54 AM
42

This is why you don’t commit to a man until he is 100% committed to you. He needs to be desperate to be your boyfriend and completely transparent about how he spends his time. Hold back. Never push. Keep seeing other guys until he’s camping outside your door.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:22 AM
41

This was my ex. Everything you listed: junk food, smoking, no exercise. I swear I got to the point of screaming inwardly with his endless moaning about how tired he was. And the lengthy recollections of what amazing physical feats he could do when he was in Army basic training. Twenty years ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:18 AM
22

Oh FFS. Controlling is not objecting to your SO fucking another girl for his birthday and rounding it off with a month-long trip with her. When men complain about “controlling women”, 99% of the time it’s because the men are lazy, selfish and/or cheating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:10 AM
8

I was free from painkillers a week after both my sections. Yes, it was sore. But it healed and that was that. When people make a big deal about healing from a C-section, they always compare it to a perfect vaginal delivery. But healing from a traumatic vaginal delivery can take months and even years, with the possibility of reconstructive surgery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 09:41 PM
28

I’m in the Midwest, home of the Gnome Beard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:35 PM
17

Nesting is a good option but it only works with two committed parents. He needs to cook and clean and leave the house as he found it. Not going to happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:33 PM
26

OMG! I’m getting flashbacks. I took my ex to see Mary Poppins on Broadway. It was excellent. He came out and said, “I wish it had been Julie Andrews singing.” Julie Andrews was 70 by this time. On our last ever vacation, he wouldn’t even walk on the beach in the morning or evening. So I went by myself, surrounded by couples. Marriage does not equate to companionship. I was never more lonely and demoralized than in the last few years of my marriage. Now he’s a miserable sad fuck on his own. He th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:23 PM
111

This was me. And when I did drag him somewhere, he acted like a tired toddler. He always found something negative to say. There was none of the interesting conversation I have with my girlfriends. They get worse. By the time they hit their fifties, they will only get out of their nasty recliner for a Kid Rock concert.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:11 AM
13

It’s just a way to devalue women. It’s complete nonsense. The idea that the dating world is rich older men chasing young women is not borne out by OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 07:05 AM
44

I had both my children by C-section and I’m glad. I have so many friends who are still dealing with bad stitching, prolapse and incontinence. Human babies are just too big. The focus in childbirth is all on the baby and this continues into menopause where women’s health issues are not being met. We should know by now whether HRT raises the risk of breast cancer but all we have are conflicting studies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:40 AM
51

I caught that, too. It’s like he is talking down to a subordinate. And the “seen”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:32 AM
53

I get this all the time. I have a business in real estate. I’ve been doing this for 25 years. But apparently I need to be told that I should “buy cheap houses” in the worst part of the city or “get more finance and really expand”. There is this assumption that I need to be told how to run my own business, that I literally have no idea what I am doing. It’s infuriating and boring at the same time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 06:29 AM
31

Women benefit enormously from their absence of ego. They can derive pleasure from work and hobbies as an end in themselves, without needing to proclaim their expertise or prove that they are always right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 03:06 AM
2

That does not surprise me about Noel 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 06:12 PM
18

I am dealing with this right now, a business situation. I feel absolutely emotionally wiped-out tonight. So for the past year I employed a man to help me in my business. He did great work. He talked about us partnering on a project, a small one, and I stupidly broke my own rule about never doing partnerships. Fortunately it was an informal arrangement - because yesterday he got a DUI. When he told me, I was stunned. This was the guy who didn’t drink? His car has been impounded and I don’t know w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 03:59 AM
6

There are so many guys my age in terrible shape who think it’s a step down to date a woman their own age. So they chase younger women and then cry that they have been used for their money, that’s if they have any. They are pathetic and delusional. What would one of these men add to my life?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 09:06 PM
23

I work in real estate management so I deal with this every day. In general, I find younger men are better than older ones. The over-fifty men are almost always condescending and have an attitude. After a lot of trial and error, I’ve found men that are at least tolerable. But along the way, I have had some really bad experiences. Being straight-up ridiculed; having men spout their opinions on the state of the world; being hit on all the fucking time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 02:55 PM
65

I think things are going to get better and worse for women. We don’t need men. Thanks to technology, and in particular power tools, women can do everything now. I truly believe that women make better doctors, judges, political leaders. We are out-performing men at every level. And men know this. So their anger grows and with it their misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 12:49 PM
25

I am disappointed by the Great British Bake Off. When it started, it had two women presenters, one woman judge and one male judge. It also had a kindly tone, with Mary Berry offering advice and suggestions to the bakers. The bakes were things you would make at home. Now both presenters are male so out of the four there is only one woman, Prue. Also, the show seems to be focusing on more ambitious projects.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 12:07 PM
4

If a woman has multiple partners, it gets worn away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 02:55 AM
30

I’m in my 50’s as well in the Midwest and it’s horrendous. And they are all broke: living with family or friends. Terrible clothes, hygiene. All looking for “a nurse and a purse”. I feel sorry for women married to guys in their fifties. And once they hit sixty, they get so negative and angry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 02:52 AM
21

OMG. I died. Shockingly, his advice is “to find guys who aren’t so attractive.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 12:42 PM
34

BuT IM sAvINg fOr a riNg! 10 cents per day x 365 days x 12 years = $438.00
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 12:37 PM
6

I’m here for the spelling and punctuation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 12:21 PM
18

BuT EveRyOnE GriEVEs DiFfeRenTLY!!! They do. But only an asshole grieves like this. It was a sudden death, FFS. The guy is not only not grieving, he doesn’t give a fuck that his wife is dead. Of course he was cheating. He’s moving right along, getting ready to install the new gf appliance now the wife appliance died. Whatever happened to basic common decency? Or unselfishly putting the needs of your son before your sex life. And this is not uncommon. Men get right on with their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 06:50 PM
6

Honestly, he should have told you upfront before the date. It’s very important information. I would never, ever go on a date with someone significantly younger than me without telling them my age in advance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:01 AM
54

Sure. Marry him, have a couple of children, work full-time, gain a few pounds, have some birthdays. Let us know how it works out for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 10:43 PM
62

Loving someone means wanting the very best for them and sacrificing your own comfort to make this possible. If you are pestering your wife for sex after she has given birth, or allowing your wife to run herself into exhaustion while you nap and game, you do not love your wife. It’s all about actions, the old love is a verb saying. I think men say they love their wives when really they love the benefits of being married. That explains why they get so angry when the benefits are no longer there, w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 08:40 PM
9

He is quite literally a man-baby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 08:26 PM
55

I’m 50. In the last month I have been hit on by men aged 32 and 35. Because, apparently, “I look good for my age.” Pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 04:54 PM
29

It’s not that they forgot. They just don’t care enough to remember. In any given day, I have multiple work, family, social and household tasks to remember. And God knows how many tasks for Christmas. And birthdays. So I set a reminder a week before a birthday, then two days before, and I keep a stock of cards. It’s not hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 04:51 PM
11

It’s good that you found out the truth: what if you had married him and had children? You may not have been able to leave his country with your children. I promise you, one day you will look back and realize you had a lucky escape. Can you find anyone from your own country to meet up with there? Or a women’s center? You do need some real life support, even for a walk outside.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 07:13 AM
11

Oh FFS. He doesn’t have a car, leeches off the OP and his mom, and refused to pay for the damage. It is Car Week on that sub. There’s another woman whose bf has twice borrowed her car and locked the keys in the car. She had to leave work on both occasions to meet AAA. Now he’s sulking because she won’t lend him her car. Men don’t give a fuck about your car. Do not let them drive it. And don’t tell them you have AAA - you cannot use it excessively and they will do just that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 05:02 AM
2

Ordered!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 03:44 AM
30

That is terrifying. And yes, it happens all the time: women are attacked jogging, stranded, isolated in dark car parks. I live in a “safe” neighborhood and only last month a teenage girl was attacked on a jogging trail. Fortunately, she was able to break free. You only have to be unlucky once.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 03:03 AM
23

Another point is about bringing groceries or shopping in from your car. Get everything to your door. Lock your car. Then, having checked the area, unlock the front door and get right inside. Lock your front door even if you are planning to go back out in 60 seconds. Do not ever relay between your car, your open front door and kitchen. It takes seconds for someone to dart into your home. And stay alert. No phone calls, no headphones. If you have pepper spray or a weapon, it’s no use to you at the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 02:59 AM
13

I had not thought about the phone battery. Back-up phone batteries are a life-saver: I need to keep mine charged and get a second one. And yes, stop for other women!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 02:53 AM
18

Yes! And don’t tell anyone you have it because they will try to piggy back off your membership.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 01:33 AM
19

I had an incident with my ex where he could not change the tire because the lug nut had been overtightened. We had to be towed. Even if you can change a tire, it’s important to have a back up plan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 01:33 AM
23

I posted this because I was watching ID today and a woman was killed after her car broke down. And because another woman on JustNoSo allowed her LV boyfriend to change the oil on her car - he ended up destroying the engine on her car. So you have to take care of this yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 01:31 AM
15

It’s a PickMe investment: high risk, zero return.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 02:47 AM
22

Possibly has his appendix in the jar on the top shelf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 08:16 PM
28

Also, if he gets you a gift and has to tell you how much it cost, along with a big sigh and, “I’m completely broke now.” Because that so adds to the magic of Christmas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 08:12 PM
86

This is right on the money. But for the dedicated pickme, it’s too late. They have been saving and planning this since July. It’s a major project: the multiple gifts, the wrap, the coordinated ribbon & bows, the relationship scrapbook, the framed photo and the cookies. My pickme friend already bought and presented the first gift to her bf: an 8-hour session for a high-end tattoo. That’s in the range of $1800.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 03:59 PM
13

I’m the same. I could have written this post. I would start by finding some good women friends. These are the people who will have your back. Build up some strong, trusting friendships first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 02:50 PM
16

Three meals, actually. There are the rolls he stuffed in his pockets for breakfast.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 12:51 PM
1

Crying here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 12:48 PM
5

He’s not confused in any way. He knows exactly what he wants. When men are interested, you know. You don’t have to set up a trail of breadcrumbs for them to follow. The only thing that will happen if you show more interest in this guy, is that he will push you for sex. Block him and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:28 AM
1

Tread carefully. The uppermost thing in his mind is the fear that you are going to start dating other guys. Men will keep you on the hook to try to discourage you from doing this. Seriously, you need to go no contact. He’s your drug and you have to go cold turkey so that he is out of your head. That way your focus is on you, not him. Staying in contact allows him to play all sorts of manipulative mind games with you. It stops you from moving on and finding the guy who loves you so much that he w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 04:39 AM
100

Single father: sees kid every other Sunday afternoon (unless he is busy), can’t name his teacher or pediatrician, and buys cheap but huge plastic birthday gift which he leaves his ex to assemble. Also forgets batteries for gift. Engineer: engineer... possibly. May be sales. Or data input. Or unemployed. Take your pick. Military contractor: the company he used to work for has military contracts in another division (which he had absolutely nothing to do with because he worked in customer tech supp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 04:29 AM
25

Don’t be that girl: the one he vaguely says he will marry eventually, dragging out her twenties before deciding after he’s wasted ten years of her life that she’s not the one. The “eventually” word is a huge red flag. It’s pushing the issue so far into the future that you can’t actually see it. Choose to find someone who makes his love and commitment so clear to you that you never have to feel anxious about his intentions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 11:52 PM
27

You did the right thing. There was no good outcome here. Either you would have been miserably waiting for him to commit. Or he would have reluctantly got engaged, eventually got married, and spent the rest of his life behaving badly because you were the one who wanted to get married. You should never feel you are having to pursue a man. You deserve someone who is wholeheartedly committed to you, who makes every effort to spend time with you. Now that you are apart from him, you may well identify…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 11:21 PM
32

I think you called his bluff. He thought by pulling the divorce card, you would back off and he could have things all his own way. He’s about to lose his wife appliance and he’s getting worried about having to manage without one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 07:32 PM
11

Without a doubt, take care of your health. Your body has to last you a long, long time. Eat well, exercise, get regular screenings. And avoid all the stress that LV men bring. They will drag you down in ways you could not have imagined. You won’t have the money to eat high-quality nutritious food; you won’t have quiet to get proper sleep; you will be anxious from dealing with the latest crisis; you will be living in a dirty dump.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 02:31 PM
3

There has been an update from the OPie. Spoiler: don’t run out to buy a hat... “ClitterLitter 12h http://imgur.com/a/zYe8yfQ Thank you all for your well wishes, but there will be no big reveal. Because the answer has always been yes, according to him. Time has brought us back together and we have been a solid support for each other since we met. But we are both waiting for the foreseeable future, as we are happy with our cheesy back and forth for now. Also, please congratulate him on his 14 mont…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 02:23 PM
8

Plenty of alcoholics don’t drink every day. Many are “binge” drinkers who abstain for a few days or even weeks and then drink excessively. The issue is whether someone can truly control their drinking and what happens when they drink. It seems as though your partner wants to blame all sorts of things for his behavior - except drinking. He’s all about excusing it and protecting it. He’s choosing to drink with people who drink the same way that he does, because that normalizes it. You cannot contr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 04:21 AM
8

I can guarantee you that one of the reasons he stopped going to therapy was that he would have to face up to his drinking. And he’s not ready to do that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 02:02 AM
18

He’s a full-blown alcoholic. He can’t control his drinking. This is who he is. The military has not caused him to drink. I promise you that if he left the military tomorrow, his drinking would continue. It’s him. His choice, his addiction. You can’t rescue him, only he can do that. And on the way down to his rock-bottom there are going to be other bad choices and consequences that he makes. You are at high risk for having him cheat on you while drunk. You could be left with a lifelong STD. Pleas…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 02:00 AM
42

The minimizing is real. This is not about his “loudness”. He is so selfish and undisciplined that he has caused disturbance to his neighbors and caused him and his partner to be evicted. Eviction is serious: as commentators on the thread pointed out, in some areas like NYC it can take years to recover from an eviction. It can also count against you for employment. His behavior has real, sustained consequences for the OP, consequences she hasn’t registered. This is not some cute quirk. This guy w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 09:11 PM
80

She has found an apartment she can afford... but they will run a background check and find the eviction. At that point, if it is a good, sought-after property, she will most probably have her application refused in favor of an applicant who doesn’t have a moron living with her. If she gets an offer with a recent eviction on her record, it’s a low-quality property. That in turn makes her vulnerable to a whole other set of problems. LV landlord, LV neighbors, creepy maintenance guy with a set of k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:11 PM
26

Take it from one who lived it... They know. They are able to do what you ask. They are not incapacitated by trauma. They choose to behave that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:15 PM
59

I think it’s impossible to know the state of someone else’s relationship. My ex-husband was a lazy, cheating bully. But in public we looked like the perfect couple - he was also funny and charming and I played the part of the happy wife. People who knew us were stunned when we got divorced. The true situation in my marriage was so incredibly hard for me to deal with that I only told a couple of very old friends. Even quite good friends didn’t know. All of them would have sworn we would be that c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 02:47 AM
51

He dodged the very pertinent question about how long he has been divorced. Because he’s married. Spoiler: she’s not moving out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 01:53 AM
64

“Update: no advice wanted. You guys were right!!!! Hubs did get a bit upset when I told him about lil surprise BUT then he had a few beers and calmed down and THEN he gave me a hug 💝💘💖and said that all we need is love and it will work out!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS MAN ❤️💕💪🍺🚬 He puts up with me and my moods and being tired and cranky and my messy house 🪣🧽🪠Like he says, I just need to be more organized and get back to work 💰💰💰 . Of course, my mom was her usual negative self. Can you not just be hap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 04:12 PM
12

u r cute 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:46 PM
77

“Bro moms I cannot believe it!!!!!!!!!! I’m pregnant!!!! 🤪😢🥳 Just got home from taking lil chunk to his 6-week check up (on the bus with DD6, DS5, DD4, DS2 😇hubs needs the car to pick up a new PS5😫) I don’t like hormonal bc and the hubster won’t use condoms but we were soooooo careful. No idea how this happened!!!!!!! 🧐🤦‍♀️🙏”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:33 PM
265

To be fair, he does remember to have sex with his wife. The breaking mom subscription began three children ago. For the love of all things sane, stop having children. That is five children under the age of six with a man who is clearly not interested in parenting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 12:11 PM
1

You are probably right. Some women think they can move on. But you presented her with the truth. She can rationalize it, ignore it, and choose to believe his lies. But she can never not know it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 06:11 AM
44

There are so many guys like this in my neighborhood: it’s all for show. They throw a ball for 30 minutes once a week in front of the house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 02:21 AM
1

I’m so glad you did this. You could literally have saved this woman from a lifetime of lies and abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 02:18 AM
28

I don’t think it would be all love and rainbows. There are still issues of inequality and scarce resources to be solved, though a declining birth rate would in time help with that. There are going to be liberal and conservative politics, still. But, there would be way less to be spent on policing and the military; on medical treatment for gun violence; on social issues arising from male culture. Women do run scams and the odd cartel. So crime would not disappear but it would be dramatically redu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 06:34 PM
24

Send it. Send everything you have, with dates if possible. Because this is going to be his defense... “Jesus! She’s some crazy chick from way before I met you who won’t leave me alone. That’s why I didn’t meet her, babe! You are completely over-reacting. I just forgot to delete eharmony. It auto renews. So it’s not my fault. I didn’t do anything! If you aren’t going to trust me, this isn’t going to work. I really thought you were different. It kinda hurts that you think I’m that guy.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 04:23 PM
51

I think it is because the person who cares the most inevitably takes over. If you read breaking mommy or the justnoso subs, the men will live in filth. There are women who literally can’t get men to take trash cans to the curb. These guys live on junk food. When they are tasked to look after their own children, they don’t change diapers or feed the children. They sit there gaming or staring at their phone. So the woman is pretty much forced to take over. Many of them don’t want to mother these m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:56 PM
60

This is a fabulous post. Right on every point. My now ex-husband cheated. He lied, stole and risked my health. I was literally begging him to sleep with me - he told me he had low testosterone. So fucking sick. The truth was he preferred chasing women, to whom he also told a pack of lies. I was the wife who would have sworn her husband would never cheat. I stayed for a year. It was hopeless. I was so angry. The person I most trusted, to whom I had given so much, had stabbed me in the back. Cheat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 04:50 PM
10

This is so true. Routine helps me with this discipline. When I schedule a regular time to exercise, shop, cook, and read, I am much more likely to stick to those goals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 12:06 PM
8

They might put a few plates in the dishwasher. For show. But there is no way they are cleaning the roasting pan or the saucepans. Or dealing with leftovers. Or clearing the counters. Or putting out the trash. They really do expect to spend all day on the couch while the women cook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 09:03 PM
44

I have one of those. The husband’s “famous baked beans” he brings to every event. They are literally Bush’s canned baked beans which he sprinkles with some dried onion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 10:05 PM
67

I have a teenage daughter. There is no way in hell anyone is moving in. I’m not even interested in dating. It’s not just the sexual aspect, though that is a major concern. It’s the way a man would turn our home and routines upside down. I don’t want to watch football or cook meatloaf or deal with the cleaning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 10:03 PM
34

I thought about our sisters in Patriarchial Purgatory, which today is in the kitchen. I looked at the people out running on my street this morning: they were all men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 09:52 PM
28

I manage rental properties. This summer I had to deal with three properties let to men over the age of 50. All the houses were disgustingly dirty. None of them made any attempt to clean. They all were outraged when I charged for deep cleaning. They literally thought that it was my job to clean up after them for free. The people who keep the cleanest, nicest houses are women with careers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 03:12 PM
10

It gets worse as you get older. Then you are ugly, bitter, dried up, and old. Crazy works for all ages. There was recently an argument on Next Door about a contractor. He posted a really patronizing comment to the woman who complained. It started by addressing her as “Darling”. Then went on to say she didn’t understand how busy and understaffed he was. This guy had taken the $ and left her without a functioning bathroom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 03:00 PM
8

The thing is that pre-nups usually work against women. If you have children, generally it is the woman whose career takes a hit. Then there is the emotional labor of running a home and family. In addition, if you get divorced, women end up with the majority of parenting time which further impacts their career. This is why I don’t like pre-nups. There is a reason why it’s men asking for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 10:18 PM
38

It wasn’t until I was out and far away, that I could see that small, dark world at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 12:07 AM
23

Me, too. I just knew I would find it here. Truly, this sub is full of the happiest women. We are not hostage to the whims of some idiot man, all the while acting as his bangmaid. This is why you never have a child with a man without being married. Marriage is not just a piece of paper: it confers significant legal and financial rights, not least inheritance. He knows this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 05:21 PM
18

I have friends who are step-mothers and the majority are resentful, not because they are bad people but because is so much damn sacrifice. It’s literally thankless work. You parent the children for years, sometimes with more effort than their own birth mother, but you never get the love or the appreciation. And if Dad dies, chances are you will never hear from them again. I’ve seen that happen, too. Yes, there are exceptions but too many women go into it thinking love and talking will conquer al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 03:35 AM
81

Oh God. I’m sure other people will comment on the age difference. My first thought is did he cheat on his wife? Women with younger children tend not to initiate a divorce. I would be very wary of any “we just drifted apart”. Second, you will be in a relationship with him and his ex-wife. All your free time will have to be negotiated with her. She can screw up all your plans if she decides to be difficult. Third, divorced men love to get the girlfriend to parent their kids. So you get to deal wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 01:46 AM
31

Yes. And the cure was being single for a long time and not looking for anyone. I’m not afraid of being single, I am right now. Once I knew I could thrive on my own, it transformed my relationships. I absolutely will not be held hostage. This has spilled over into my work life. I don’t take shit from men at all. I still care about people. I actually bought and delivered a big box of groceries to a coworker who has COVID today. But I don’t do these things to keep someone. I do them if I want to. C…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 01:36 AM
10

Believe me, I would if I could. The next best thing would be some manufacturing defect that makes them crumble.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 02:11 PM
3

I read it any time I feel bad about being single. There are women on there who are literally going insane from sleep deprivation. And then there’s the kicker at the end: when she earns more than him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 02:09 PM
26

Guessing that is the co-pay if she has good insurance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 01:30 AM
72

Let’s not talk about the dental implants I purchased for my ex-husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 01:29 AM
134

FDS is about being honest. There are no lies or manipulation involved. We decide what we want, make our needs clear, and we don’t play games. Block, delete and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 11:06 PM
22

It’s a pre-made excuse for poor behavior: his heart will always belong to another so he can’t buy you a birthday gift.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 11:03 PM
4

I was blindsided by my husband’s cheating and I can relate to the wife’s responses. It takes time for the fog to clear, to let go of the dream and see the truth. It wasn’t until a year after we were divorced, that I really gained clarity as to my ex’s character: memories would pop up and form another piece of the puzzle. I stopped rationalizing and excusing his behavior and instead saw him for what he truly is - a highly manipulative, selfish user. It’s really hard to get to that place because i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 07:36 PM
11

This is posted every single day on breaking mummy. Couple works the same number of hours: woman does all cleaning, cooking and childcare. And gets up in the night. And gets up at 5.30am every morning. Man sleeps for half the weekend because he’s tired.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 07:26 PM
4

I have a friend who does this. Everyday a FB post of the two of them. Sometimes it is literally him lying on the couch watching TV with, “Domestic bliss!!! 💕👍😍 He’s mine!!!! 👸🥰💄👩‍❤️‍👨🥂” In her case, it’s signaling to other women that he’s taken because she tags him in every post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 07:21 PM
64

And please can we battle the ideas that.... “My husband is not the cheating kind” “I know he’s not having an affair” “His Dad cheated and broke up the family so he would never cheat” “He despises cheaters” Men cheat on business trips, in their lunch breaks, when they say they are working late. Men who claim to be useless at technology, download secret texting apps and get their credit card statements switched to paperless. Men cheat when they have the opportunity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 07:13 PM
74

Technology has leveled the playing field for women. There are very few areas in which brute strength is needed: I know several women who run landscaping businesses. Women have moved successfully into every formerly male-dominated field and out-performed men. I have a woman doctor, lawyer and accountant. I don’t have to deal with stupid ego games (being kept waiting by my former male lawyer every single time) or being patronized. I love working with women. Women are supremely good at multi-taskin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 06:55 PM
99

Please tell the wife or girlfriend. Every. Single. Time. Cheating is abuse. The wife is making decisions to her detriment that she would not make if she knew the truth: sleeping with him; putting property in joint names, paying for his education; doing more in the house because he says he’s working late. Cheating goes hand in hand with financial abuse and risks to your health.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 01:39 AM
17

Tell him you can’t talk, you’re with Ryan. Send this at 11.45pm. Then block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 01:34 AM
107

This is why you always have your own transportation. And emergency cash. And a fully-charged phone. And a back-up battery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 10:27 PM
22

Fair comment!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 05:53 PM
59

I don’t think the candle guy is a psycho monster. I think he’s exhibiting pretty typical male behavior. Namely, pure selfishness: in his mind, it was completely reasonable to destroy the candle in order to further his sexual and emotional wants. Men do this all the time. It’s what this sub is about: using women in every way for their own satisfaction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 05:27 PM
8

In Britain, a disproportionate number of doctors with Indian heritage have died from Covid, the main theory as to this being a link to Vitamin D or a genetic link.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 05:12 PM
13

I think some people must have a natural immunity. Even with the Black Death in medieval times, and later the Spanish flu, there were people who were exposed who did not develop symptoms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 03:53 PM
409

I’m dying here. She “ovulated early”. Clearly, she should have been more organized and ovulated on time. There’s Google Calendar. Phone alerts. Even a Post-It note on the refrigerator. All ways she could have reminded herself to ovulate on time. It’s very disappointing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 03:45 PM
10

Ignore anyone who tells you that you “have to” forgive them. No, you fucking don’t. I have 100% moved on past my ex. I regard him as a sad loser. I don’t feel anything. But I will never forgive him because I have never received any apology, or remorse, or any change in behavior from him. And in the absence of those things, what he did is unforgivable. Instead, I focus on me and the people I love and while I have grown happier and stronger, he has continued to literally sit in his basement watchi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 11:04 PM
30

“My boyfriend definitely isn’t the type to cheat...” I have nothing to work with here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 10:58 PM
28

I love Body Shop, Lush or Naples Soap Company. High-quality ingredients that won’t bring you out in a rash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 10:53 PM
9

Yes! Keep the focus on yourself. You can’t control him but you can love yourself ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 04:36 AM
15

I can relate. I used to beat myself up about it but I don’t any longer. I came from a terrible family background. No one taught me any of these things. And no one was looking out for me. I stayed too long but I got out. That is the most important thing. I learned my lessons. I am far more streetwise now. I’m passing those lessons onto my children. I feel I have broken the cycle of codependence in my family. We are allowed to make mistakes, it’s how we learn. The important part is not repeating t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 04:35 AM
33

Who cares what he thinks? He’s not the RBG of dating. He doesn’t get to pass judgment on you. No one made him the Validation Monitor. And given that he has proven himself to be a lying, cheating POS, he’s not on the shortlist for next semester, either. You are the judge of you. You get to decide if you are all that you want and need to be. You set the standard. This isn’t some exam that he grades, where you pass if he makes you his girlfriend. No, this is your life. Why would you waste any more …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 03:44 AM
10

Yep. He didn’t pay the rent, the landlady was telling the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 12:05 AM
2

The sulking that they don’t get a thank you for caring for their own children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 07:05 PM
2

It’s just a line they use, along with “you are so controlling.” You see it all the time on the breaking mommy sub. Man empties dishwasher, then woman asks him to help care for four children for part of the weekend. Cue lamentations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 07:03 PM
46

She’s allowed a tank-top, cut-off jeans and flip-flops when cooking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:27 PM
4

You are right. I’m in my fifties and none of this was on the agenda when I was in my twenties. We were having straight sex and things were a hell of a lot better for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:23 PM
138

He understands. He doesn’t agree. (Credit Chumplady) He understands that she doesn’t want it; that it hurts; that she cries. He understands that if he wears her down, she will give in to keep the peace. He understands that she has just had a baby, and she has not healed. She needs to understand that he is a selfish abuser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:14 PM
30

Interestingly, gay men are not bombarded by women insisting they want sex with women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:10 PM
61

If this ever happens again, call 911 at the time. You don’t need his license plate - they just need to be able to find you on the road.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:06 PM
58

How about the truth that the majority of single mothers have to fight for child support to be paid. And that the fathers cannot name the child’s home-room teacher; school principal; doctor; dentist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 12:00 PM
30

And.... “Nothing I do is ever good enough for you” As if they are toiling night and day, building a castle with their bare hands, baking sourdough bread, honing their bodies to physical perfection and curing cancer at the weekend. My ex couldn’t be relied upon to put the trash cans out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 06:26 AM
17

“I know ur in a good spot in your life” That will change if you date me “but I can see your defenses are up from these past dudes” You are not doing what I want you to do so I’m going to throw in some Dr. Phil to show my sensitive side (which I don’t have) “Again I’m different” I’m just the same as the other dudes, I also do not know the rules of punctuation “You kinda assumed I was hitting on u with the trip thing, I honestly just wanted to catch up and hang out, nothing more nothing less” I wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 06:02 AM
19

He doesn’t even have the courage to spell out what this means. He states explicitly that the husband exercises leadership through “authority” and “power” in a hierarchical relationship in which the woman is subservient to the man. Further, this is the way in which God has ordered the world. So in any decision in the marriage, the man decides. This includes how many children a woman must have. The man decides where they live, whether his wife can work, and all decisions relating to the children. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 01:23 AM
96

Years ago, a woman told me that the jewelry you buy for yourself shines the brightest. It’s true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 05:39 PM
7

Reddit has an antimlm sub which exposes the horrendous sales tactics which people engage in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 12:24 PM
8

This makes me furious on your behalf. Something similar happened to me: I moved to a new area, met a woman who appeared to want to be my friend, went for a coffee to her house... then she revealed the Mary Kay pitch. I remember feeling incredibly let down, and hurt, at a time when I was really struggling. MLM’s bring out the absolute worst in men and women. If that happened again, I would get up and leave as soon as the pitch started, explaining that I was here as a result of a misunderstanding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 12:23 PM
12

Let’s not talk about how I paid for my ex-husband’s dental implants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 12:12 PM
5

You is a novel by Caroline Kepnes. She wrote a sequel, Hidden Bodies, which moves the action to Hollywood. I read it and felt it stretched the original idea too thin. She is a great writer. I think it is one of those books which loses too much nuance and voice as a movie adaptation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 10:25 PM
27

I read the book and thought it was very good. Crucially, the book is written from his point of view with his thought processes at the forefront. So he is doing these really dreadful things but they are backed up by his insane logic. As the reader, you get draw in to his way of thinking - and then with a jolt you realize how terrible he is. It’s a great FDS book in a way, because you see how men like that view women: the sense of entitlement and delusion that makes them genuinely believe a partic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 05:42 PM
102

This. And it’s not even physical touch. It’s sex. Correction, their love language is receiving a blow job from their partner, then falling asleep, then waking up to ask what’s for dinner. Further correction, their love language is receiving a blow job from absolutely any woman so it clearly has nothing to do with love. They don’t want to massage your shoulders, hold hands in public, or cuddle on the couch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 05:27 PM
59

I work with a guy who constantly talks about his honesty, spirituality and values. He just got arrested for soliciting a prostitute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 03:43 PM
2

Please stop beating yourself up. You are not dumb! Everyone makes mistakes. It is what you do with them that counts. You are young and these guys are sick and manipulative. You are so much better than them. You write with great insight and courage. Forget the guys for a while and develop your strengths. As an older woman, my strong advice to you is to focus on your education and professional skills. Financial independence is so incredibly important to women. You must never, ever be in a position…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 01:13 PM
33

Thank God you didn’t marry him! Because he would have been exactly the same when you were still waiting - at home with a baby and a toddler. And God forbid he doesn’t get his sleep because he has to go running. And yes, the Barcelona Marathon is the day after you give birth but he’s been wanting to do that for years so it’s self-centered of you to complain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/20 12:37 AM
2

Happy Birthday! It took me many more years than you to realize this. I buy myself a birthday and Christmas gift. Something that is a luxury, not necessarily expensive, just a real treat. I give myself the best gifts!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 03:49 AM
27

Write like a narc.... “I’m so sorry you feel that way. It was not my intention. I always wanted the best for you and us. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and we both play a part in that. We could have communicated better. I am working on being a better man and Christian. I go to my Warrior Men’s group almost every month. Sometimes I slip, as we all do. None of us is perfect. You can be controlling. You admitted searching the trunk of my car after that news report. My childhood makes me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 08:09 PM
14

She appears regularly on the fundie snark page. She needs to read the Bible, then as it instructs, fall silent and let her husband speak for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:18 PM
170

He’s showing her who he is. Believe him. Here are some other things that aren’t his love language: cleaning, sharing childcare, cooking. She will be on bromo in a few years because his love language turns out to be taking naps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 11:55 AM
24

It’s not that they can’t remember. It’s that they choose not to make the effort to remember. People pay attention to the things that are important to them. And for these men, the happiness of their wife is not one of those things. The wife is a glorified appliance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 01:06 AM
53

I did this. After he cheated on me, I had to fight not to give him 50% of assets acquired during the marriage. I minimized what I had to pay but it still took five years of hard work to recover financially. He was a drain on my finances throughout the marriage. Now I can budget, save and invest. I will never get married again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 12:56 AM
147

“keep her.... away... from your home and your wallet.” Relax. No woman is going into your Mom’s basement to steal your coin jar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 05:39 PM
31

The quality writing on this sub is the best I have seen on reddit, not to mention the fact that we write in complete sentences, using correct spelling and punctuation. We also do the best snark.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 05:34 PM
1

That’s exactly it. They can’t buy a newish car because they have terrible credit or no credit at all - they don’t hold down a job or they work intermittently for cash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 05:24 PM
15

This is not normal. Men have existed for thousands of years without 24/7 access to porn. I can remember the 1980’s. We were having plain sex. Lots of it. Kinks were not mainstream and I never encountered a porn sick man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 05:22 PM
6

This is amazing writing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 03:23 AM
138

This marriage is on its deathbed because the husband has no respect for his wife. He doesn’t value her contribution. He doesn’t share the domestic work. He goes out with his friends, leaving her at home. He runs to his mother to complain about his wife. And he gets angry when asked to do a task he has described as easy. That said, choosing to have four children with a man like this is a terrible series of decisions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 03:11 AM
3

I do that, too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 01:58 AM
6

I manage construction projects as part of my job. I am guessing you began by setting out the entire project, anticipated what elements would be needed and when; built in some contingency time and money; kept a close eye while delegating? As opposed to getting a hammer, tearing out an entire kitchen - and then going to look for cabinets which take 12 weeks to arrive....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 10:51 PM
13

He had you finishing drywall? That is a job I will not do - too hard to get right and too much damn sanding. I hope you painted the walls red. You really dodged a bullet. Consider it the price of freedom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 07:22 PM
21

Men in general are poor at project management.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 07:16 PM
19

HGTV has a lot to answer for. At least House Hunters shows some reality. The rest is the whole Fixer Upper move-in-with-your-husband-and-nine-children, then spend the rest of your life happy in your gorgeous kitchen while your children prance around in smocks. It’s the false idea that a perfect house in a different location is going to make you happier. And single women are under-represented.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 07:14 PM
64

I’m doing paperwork and watching this now. There have been three military wives on. One of them has moved nine times. These women sacrifice so much and a significant number get cheated on, whether they know it or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 03:46 PM
34

So she works full time and does everything at home but he “needs” his golf and bike rides? Hobbies which apparently don’t “take a long time”, even though it takes half a day to play a round of golf. There is absolutely no logic here. She needs time off more than him. They both need a hobby. It’s depressing that they both see this inequality as acceptable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 12:39 PM
1

Honestly, it’s incredible. I think LV’s buy old vehicles which they run into the ground and don’t maintain. So they end up having to replace the transmission and the brakes and the wheel bearings and the radiator... Plus he keeps having accidents so his insurance is sky-high.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 12:32 PM
58

Aside from the unpaid labor, what is the point? It will be back to a state of disgusting filth within days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 01:27 AM
6

Exactly. The timing is everything here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 01:24 AM
13

I re-posted this from another sub. I’m not the OP. Reading this makes me furious: this guy is using some made-up condition as an excuse to do nothing at home. It’s disgustingly manipulative. I had the same thing with my ex, in his case depression that meant he could barely work but could, it turned out, manage a double life screwing other women and stealing from me. To the OP, I don’t want to shame or embarrass you. Please ask yourself some tough questions about why you are tolerating this. This…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 12:08 AM
16

A friend of mine who was desperate for a relationship recently let one of these LV guys move into the home she owns. She has a child. The LV gives her money when he doesn’t have a vehicle repair to pay for. She cooks every night, the food he likes, and constantly cleans up after him. She has organized his car insurance and medical insurance and booked a vacation. She does every single thing. He is good company, I will give him that. And she is happy. Sometimes being on your own for years seems t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 11:51 PM
20

Yes, during the last three years of my marriage when I was trying to understand what was wrong with my husband and why we were broke. The answers were, shockingly, he was cheating and stealing from my business. Since I divorced him I have peace of mind. No anxiety. No feelings of dread. No crisis management for him, calling his clients to lie about why he won’t get the assignment finished on time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 12:07 PM
1

Thank you for the award! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 02:38 AM
102

We need a medical code for that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 02:31 AM
67

I have done child protection training and it is absolutely something I would say. We live in a very depraved time and the days of letting children run around naked in public are gone. Beaches and resorts are prime places for attracting pedophiles, take the Madeleine McCain case. They take the opportunity to observe children and they know that the parents may have a false sense of security in a “safe” beach town.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:51 AM
19

Me, too. My finances were nearly destroyed by my cheating ex. I think he would have ended up bankrupting me. Since I divorced him, I’ve been able to stick to a budget, save and get my credit score to 820. All because I haven’t had to fund his stupid spending and bail him out of his mistakes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:14 AM
17

Men are the worst! When I have to manage construction projects with multiple contractors, they all complain about the others. After the first day, they will each be pulling me aside to say so and so isn’t doing it right. It happens every single time. They are all about ego, and jostling for position as top dog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 12:41 AM
376

“... it’s a factory defect” Spot on. And this is why the term “wife appliance” is so horribly accurate. Chumplady says this over and over again. When married men cheat, they want the wife appliance at home and the girlfriend. I can attest to the fact that they have absolutely no problem - and no guilt - about sleeping with the affair partner and then coming home to a home-cooked meal. The selfishness is mind blowing. The follow up is a tsunami of lies about why he is so distant, working so many …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 02:33 PM
23

I used to feel I had to wear make up for work and occasion-type events. What changed was wearing a mask for Covid. I stopped wearing make up - and then I realized how much time it took to put on make up, solely because I had some notion that it was required. There’s no going back. I would still wear make up if I have the time, if I want to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 02:21 PM
5

So it was a good photo. In the photo he looks about 40. He has hair. Now he is 60, fat and bald. Pale junk food complexion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 02:35 PM
254

Oh FFS. I guarantee you the relationship wasn’t perfect for the simple reason he’s an asshole. Just leave. He’s going to play the perfect dead girlfriend card for the rest of his life. No one will ever be as good as her - but you can jump a bit higher next time to try. Once you’ve had four children, kept your career and a perfect body, and invited his family for a home-cooked meal every Sunday, you may qualify for a participation trophy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 01:07 AM
15

But that intimate moment when his hand closes over yours, when your eyes meet, and he takes the gas money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 12:53 AM
32

The only time my ex cried was when he realized I was divorcing him and his lifestyle was going to take a hit. He shed not one single tear before that, for destroying our family. He was OLD the day after the divorce using a photo I took on a day out for my birthday several years earlier, the children cropped out. He is still using that fifteen-year old photo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 12:51 AM
12

I got so sick of crappy Christmas gifts. So I put myself on my Christmas shopping list. I’ve been doing this for a few years now. I budget to buy myself something non-essential that I really want and will use.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 06:08 PM
68

But have you tried learning his love language?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 06:05 PM
7

Agreed. The ban is ridiculous. What we can do is to encourage individuals over here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 06:02 PM
3

It’s hard to do. Breast feeding bonds you to your baby at a primitive, visceral level. And when you pump, you need very high levels of hygiene and care with warming which these LV men won’t do. Some of the women have to deal with diaper rash because the man doesn’t change the diaper. The maternal instinct is real. It’s primal. I’m a pretty selfish, very career-minded woman, but having a baby changed me into that person who would take a bullet for my child. It’s almost impossible not to act to ke…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 03:21 PM
61

His “apology” is nauseating. He will not use the “I” pronoun. All about how standards have to be upheld and when standards are not, changes have to be made. More blah about how he worked so hard, he didn’t look after himself. And his wife, like military wives, who worked her ass off unpaid for years, loses her home and position. Never, ever link your home, income, and pension to a man’s employment. Because if he gets fired, you do as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 03:01 PM
5

He’s clearly charismatic and manipulative. It sounds as if you lost your voice next to him. This is why we advise going complete no contact with men like this. The further away you get from him, the better you will feel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 05:04 AM
13

Time will help you with this. My cheating ex had me convinced I was horribly unattractive. Once I got away from him, and had time to focus on myself and spend time with other people, I started to get compliments. I wasn’t disgusting or repulsive after all. The more time you spend with ordinary people, the more you will realize you are a perfectly ordinary person. Who made your ex the Prince of Validation?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 02:46 AM
120

It’s really pathetic, game-playing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 02:41 AM
10

What! The double standard is disgraceful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 02:32 AM
58

Get an education and then a job that pays really well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 04:12 PM
5

Read that and the key point is the ability to leave because that ultimately is the consequence. So you need at the very least a decent amount in savings, the secret stash all women should have. Beyond that, don’t have children until you can support yourself and the child if needed and stop having multiple children with these idiots.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 04:10 PM
23

I am crying here 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 01:18 PM
9

I see what you are saying but it’s hard to do that in practice. Huge numbers of men do a bait and switch once the baby is born. Yes, you can set a boundary. But for a boundary to be effective, you have to have a consequence. And if you are at home breastfeeding a newborn baby, your power in a relationship has vanished. You are physically and financially stuck at home. And these men know that - hence all the comments about being the one who goes out to work and that’s all they can possibly manage…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 01:12 PM
58

The lol That is some textbook minimizing. Here’s the thing. The endgame of emotional cheating is physical cheating. Always. Your ex is not the exception. It’s his mindset. He’s with you but his attention is elsewhere. And that mindset never changes. To a cheater, the current partner is one of several options. And when the opportunity arises, they will take another option. Always. Then they will blame it on anyone other than themselves. Repeat. Try writing down everything this guy said and did th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 12:53 PM
93

My ex needed to have his ears syringed for wax. They had to give him a Valium first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 12:07 PM
6

I’m super suspicious about the flat-viewing “at his place”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 11:50 AM
25

It could be worse. At least she can wash her face. There is a woman on breakingmommy right now whose husband “forgot” to pay the water bill for months. Their water just got shut off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 04:17 AM
13

And this is why your education and career matter. Don’t ever be in a situation where you can’t afford to leave a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 12:19 AM
19

I know a few very successful women with children. They are all super-organized. There is no time unaccounted for. They are also exceptionally hard-working. I’m just not the type who can get up at 5am to work out and then motor on all day. All but one have top-level support: either a mother who steps in to the mother role or a well-paid nanny. Some women get two nannies, one for the weekends. It’s a very high-stress life. It’s ordering groceries online during your lunch break. It’s setting up num…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 12:11 AM
34

Not only did you “feel” like home to him, the plan was for you to “provide” a home for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 11:43 PM
34

This was the same with the guy I wrote about above. He had two teenage children. One of them had actually found their mother’s body. I couldn’t stomach it. These children have lost their mother and he’s out dating. Because God forbid he stays at home with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 11:40 PM
12

I’m so sorry for your loss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 11:16 PM
55

It’s pretty common, sad to say.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 05:40 PM
27

I manage rental properties. I don’t eat any food cooked at home unless I know the person really well. The majority of people don’t clean their kitchens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 05:38 PM
42

Great writing! The main reason I believe women are so stressed is because the man and the children behave exactly how they want to - and the woman is left to manage the resulting chaos and conflict: Children want to play; man wants to nap; woman has to keep them quiet Children need school supplies; man is unemployed; woman has to work a second job Children want a beach vacation; man acts like a miserable dick for the duration; woman is entertainment director All the woman’s energy is poured into…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 05:27 PM
193

Eharmony. I was 42 at the time. The guy whose wife of over twenty years died in the November. December he created his dating profile. By January, he was going on dates. I met him in February for dinner. I thought she must have died some time ago by the way he was talking. I didn’t like him: lots of mansplaining, it felt like a job interview because he (fat and fifty) clearly considered himself a catch. Then I found her obituary. I pieced it all together. Never spoke to him again. He was like a k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 05:21 PM
165

This is why Chumplady coined the phrase “wife appliance”. The wife is literally viewed as an appliance, providing a range of services. The whole point about these men is that they want the wife and the girlfriend. That’s why they go to such lengths to keep the affair secret from the wife.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 11:58 AM
3

I’m so sorry. I trusted my husband completely. The broken trust was the worst part of his cheating. The person who is supposed to have your back, actually has a knife in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 03:58 AM
5

A key HVW characteristic is deferring gratification: living in harder short-term circumstances so you can live in more favorable circumstances in the long term. That is precisely what you are doing. Getting an education and paying down debt are two of the very best things you can do for yourself. You don’t feel great because there is no immediate payoff for your sacrifice. But you will be so thankful that you did this in a few years time: when you have good credit and more options available to y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 02:43 AM
67

OMG. This! My ex-husband “struggled with showing affection because my Mom was emotionally abusive and my step-father hit me.” So instead of building a relationship with me which was stable and affectionate, he chose to fuck random women. He actually went to therapy, carried on regardless. Plot twist: in the years I spent with his siblings and parents, it dawned on me that it wasn’t even true. He lied about it all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 11:59 AM
8

Men are allowed in Walgreens. And despite being incapable of going to the store or carrying out any domestic task, he will buy some small travel packs and stash them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 04:23 PM
3

Country and 80’s Favs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 04:19 PM
60

He will tell his next date about the amazing woman who got away. “We had this intense connection. Soulmate is an over-used expression but it’s fitting to use it here. She had this glowing energy. But alas, it was not meant to me. Maybe, one day, if you have sex with me a lot, you could fill the void she left...”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 04:08 PM
64

It’s not actually drinks. It’s “a drink”. After the one drink, he’s going to suggest going to his place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 03:56 PM
69

I want to drop my dirty laundry on my bedroom floor and wake up the next day with it washed and folded.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 11:40 PM
22

The fact he used a disappearing video is in itself is a signal that he knew the behavior was wrong. He’s testing what you will tolerate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 11:31 PM
30

The ocean is the new field
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 07:10 PM
7

They have to shield themselves from our witchcraft
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 04:37 PM
8

I can smell him through my phone. Hasn’t ever washed his sheets; fitted-sheet half off; one flat scrotey pillow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 04:31 PM
98

In my experience, women who come from poorer backgrounds or toxic families are more likely to join the military. It is the only way they can get a skill or college education. So you have women joining who are already disadvantaged. And then the army allows them to be bullied and assaulted. It’s a national scandal. I live near a big base and the military are worshipped here. And I respect anyone who is prepared to put their life on the line. But we need to stop this hero worship of the military a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 12:46 AM
57

I am so sorry you went through this. Fort Hood is clearly a complete disaster. This is systemic discrimination and assault. It could be stamped out but the military high command lacks the will to do anything. If the army can measure bed sheets with a ruler, it can stop women being sexually abused. I would never let my daughter join the military because of experiences like yours. So we end up losing smart, capable women because they won’t go into this culture. Question: do you think this exists e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 12:28 AM
8

I feel much safer now I am older. For younger women I would suggest the following based on my experiences: Be very wary of apartment complexes. Many women have been attacked by maintenance workers and contractors. Work towards owning your own home. You are much safer where you control access Use technology wherever you can. You don’t need to answer your door to a stranger and get a camera for your car Car parks are prime spots for abductions. Stay the fuck away from vans. It’s not over-reacting …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 12:06 AM
2

This. A woman in that situation literally can’t imagine managing on her own, especially when the husband has had control of the finances. Also, women of that generation have much more shame about admitting they are unhappy in their marriage. So there isn’t the bonding and support of other women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 11:51 PM
5

I still go there for a dose of snark and the UBT!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 11:11 PM
3

Kin really develops in the later seasons and it looks as if she will be central to the final season.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 08:04 PM
12

I’m in the same situation, a few years on. It gets better and better! I’m the happiest I have ever been. I also read Chump Lady - I learned so much from that blog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 07:59 PM
22

I’m an old codger, too. I’ve actually just done a recap of one of these posts on another thread. When I was a child, my Dad got together with two neighbors and hired a concrete mixer for the weekend and they worked together and widened all their driveways. These guys were always working on their houses and cars. I’m not harking back to the good old days that weren’t, but this JustNoSo behavior of day-long gaming, obsessive porn use and napping by men is new. Breakingmom is another heart-breaking…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 07:58 PM
24

Unfair. He’s mining his own crypto-currency.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 07:53 PM
26

I don’t think she is strictly-speaking a pick-me. She wasn’t there for a relationship with Epstein. She was there for his money and connections. I would describe her as a pay-me, someone prepared to do anything for money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 07:50 PM
15

This is one of the reasons I love Better Call Saul. The female lead is Kim Wexler, an attorney who is written like a real woman. Her romantic relationship with Saul takes literally years to develop. And her major client, a bank, has a woman legal counsel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 11:04 AM
8

You said it all. Regarding the “sea of fog” phase, try to focus on the fact that although you may feel awful, your life is actually getting better. If you have a brain tumor surgically removed, you are going to feel terrible the day after surgery. But a few weeks later, you will be on the road to recovery. One of the things successful people do, is to defer satisfaction. For example, living frugally in order to build up savings. So what you are doing now is putting in the hard work on yourself, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 10:57 AM
41

I hear you. The everyday errands have got better though. I’m in my shapeless mac, flat shoes and mask and I pass through the world unnoticed. I love masks! I no longer wear lipstick or any other make up. I just throw on a few ratty clothes and go about my business - so now I know what it’s like for men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 05:09 AM
31

His tears were for himself, certainly. He’s genuinely upset... that he got caught. He’s terrified that his family will find out (though that will be OK, they will blame the wife for not satisfying him). He’s worried that his wife appliance will stop supporting him. Most of all, he’s stressed at the thought of having to stop until things calm down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 09:06 PM
9

I came on here to say this. In the Midwest lawn mowing is over until April. So it’s down to raking leaves, say 8 hours, and shoveling snow for an hour, maybe x 6 a year. So that is a total of 14 hours over 5 months. Add in 15 generous minutes per week to put the trash out. That’s another 5 hours. Grand total is 19 hours. That is slightly under one hour per week November - March inclusive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 08:57 PM
18

Literally every day on JustNoSO: I work from home and look after toddler and baby. I do all cooking, cleaning, laundry, replacing roof shingles blown off in wind. Partner puts out trash if I remind him. He works, gets home, games til 2am. Baby wakes up x 3 in night. I get up at 5.30am with toddler. We agreed he would get up with toddler on every third Sunday in the month. Instead, he goes back to sleep til noon. I have tried communicating and made a chore chart and set up a family diary app. He …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 11:07 AM
86

I hear you. During my divorce, while we were still living together, I came out in hives. I have never had them before or after. They were so bad. My whole face swelled up and I had to get an IV with steroids which didn’t help. Anyway, he moved out and so did the hives. Stress is real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 02:08 AM
5

I’m 50 but I’m definitely going to use this on an old one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 12:59 AM
23

Can I add that we won’t have rich women dying from abortions. The rich will take their daughters and mistresses to Canada or Europe for a short “vacation”. It is poor women who will die from backstreet abortions or be forced to be pregnant and give birth against their will. What is so hard about being pro-choice? If you don’t want an abortion, don’t have one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 03:06 PM
21

Speaking for myself, I want young women to learn from my mistakes. You don’t have to go through the pain. I have never known a man change his character. Sometimes a woman turns a FWB into a boyfriend. Sometimes they get married. Sometimes they have a child. But through all that his character remains the same: he’s all about himself. These are the guys who feature on other subs: napping, gaming and trying to cheat while the woman works two jobs, does everything at home and survives on four hours …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 12:53 AM
14

Exactly. Who cares?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 07:52 PM
1

/s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 07:51 PM
15

My house My car My Amex
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 07:33 PM
52

This guy is only 21. He will get worse every year that passes because creating a fake life online won’t be enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 07:27 PM
23

Because you were so controlling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 07:21 PM
42

On Twitter, she posts the incredibly nice reply she sent back. That leads to the weird math problem text from him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 11:03 AM
76

Sadly, there are so many cases of women who have disappeared in exactly this scenario. The man says that she wandered away at the concert, or met up with friends there, or they had an argument so he dropped her at a gas station. It’s obvious he murdered her but there’s no body and no proof.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 11:54 PM
3

If you have any doubt, ask yourself if you would want to live in a relationship built on lies. The truth always sets you free. The only person who should be feeling guilty in this situation is your ex. And we know that won’t happen. Instead he will most likely go back and forth through fake remorse, self-pity, back to fake remorse with a dash of stupid promises, finally ending up at anger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 09:26 PM
8

OMG. I am so proud of you! Let me tell you, I was the wife. And for five years when I didn’t know my ex was cheating, I got more and more confused and depressed. I made financial decisions to my detriment (putting assets in joint names) that I would never have done if I had known. I was being scammed by my own husband. You have literally saved another woman from emotional abuse and who knows what else. I do absolutely believe your ex will get his karma but it takes time. My ex is broke and alone…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 04:08 PM
5

I am exactly the same!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 03:55 PM
158

“I can’t even remember the last time she reminded me to shower. I even smell bad.” I swear, every day there is a post on JustNoSO where she is begging him to shower.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 05:51 AM
63

In my experience, men don’t want the financial commitment of marriage. They know damn well that a wife has more rights than a girlfriend: usually half the assets acquired during the marriage; rights to his pension; possibly alimony. This is why you do not have children with a man you are not married to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 05:44 AM
28

If you have children, you may want to show that you have communicated back if the email is about the children. So... Your comments have been noted; or The existing arrangement will be maintained as this is most beneficial to the children; or The amount of $ is outstanding; or The school will add you to their email list for direct notifications of all events Never get drawn in. Keep it professional. Imagine you are writing to the judge.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 11:17 PM
22

I am stealing that line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 11:10 PM
31

He also wanted to borrow money. This was after I divorced him for cheating. When I said no, he replied that he could borrow my credit card instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 06:57 PM
67

I divorced one of those. He is always the victim. I have to tell you that you are also selfish. Don’t you realize how hard all this is for him? You are going to let him come over for Christmas Day? No! But you always have Christmas Day together. Just don’t date anyone. It’s not right. Can you cover the PTA meetings? He’s very, very busy. You have nothing else to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 06:17 PM
12

This is going to sound really harsh. Deep breath. He wants you as an option. That is no reflection on you. He wants you but he also wants to be free to see other people. This is precisely why married men work so hard to keep their cheating secret: they want the wife and the girlfriend. Unfortunately, or fortunately, you can never take back what he did. If you go back to him, you will always have this behavior in your mind. You will never know why. You can speculate. But ultimately it’s his actio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 06:05 PM
21

The recovery rate for porn addiction is low. And most men are not even willing to try. I would not ever get into a relationship with a man who watched porn. It completely rewires their brain so that they become incapable of normal sexual intimacy with their partner. Then it progresses to strip clubs and cheating. I left my cheating husband in my forties. I dated a great slightly younger guy for a few years. But once I hit menopause, my sex drive plummeted and I didn’t want him any more. The prob…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 05:30 PM
12

I’m so sorry. Right now, be gentle with yourself but first protect yourself from him. Hard no contact. Block on every platform. Because this is the type of guy who will circle back and really fuck with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 05:14 PM
12

A sub-contractor who works for me had worked a lot of hours this week. We had a meeting and I admit I told him he looked tired. Then I said, “Take tomorrow off. You need a break.” Literally no man has ever said that to me. These partners on breakingmommy know that their wives are looking after multiple children, working, cooking, cleaning and getting five broken hours of sleep a night. And their response is to take a nap and game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 05:10 PM
19

Actually, she is just being “dramatic”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 05:01 PM
152

I can so relate to this. When my ex husband cheated, I was obsessed with working out why. Was it his childhood? Was it me? Was he mad or bad? I felt that if I could get to the why, I would understand and move on. I needed to know to move on. Then I read Chump Lady. She describes this process as “untangling the skein of fuckupness,” and the point is you can never untangle that skein. The answer is to go 100% no contact. I think this need to know is understandable. But it’s pointless. It’s also an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 04:54 PM
40

OMG. The reveal. I swear I could smell those sheets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 01:23 AM
33

The denial in the comments. The number of people replying who say it happened to them and “six weeks later” he was dating someone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 12:12 AM
151

He met someone else. He won’t ever admit that he met someone else. He’s slept with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 09:16 PM
57

If Columbus was a woman... Miss Columbia, a little-known historical figure, set out on an overly-ambitious expedition to find China. She was ill-prepared, emotionally volatile and struggled to win the respect of her sailors. With the entire voyage close to disaster, she accidentally stumbled upon the islands of the Caribbean, where natives took pity on her and her demoralized crew. Miss Columbia never succeeded in finding China.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 08:03 PM
130

I was married for years. Never again. They eat so much, make so much mess, snore, fart, stink. Doing their laundry is disgusting. The bathroom is never clean. The kitchen is never clean. The microwave is splattered. You end up managing every vacation and holiday. They get lazier and more miserable with every year that passes. And out of shape. They suck the oxygen out of the home. And what do they do to “help”? Maybe cut the grass and take the trash out. Buy a Kobalt electric battery lawnmower i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 03:59 AM
80

That some people are really, really good liars. Frighteningly good. That there is no such thing as certainty that your partner isn’t cheating. Verify everything. Trust is over-rated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 03:49 AM
2

I am the same! But it’s women in their forties who are some of the least cautious in my experience. A man who works with me was talking to a woman online who is 40 with teenage daughters. For their first date, she invited him to her home. She is a recently divorced, professional woman and if she is anything like I was at that time, she is very vulnerable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 01:14 AM
21

Once you ditch your husband, other people emerge to fill that void. I speak from experience. As time went on, I wondered why on earth I had stayed so long. I was so lonely in my marriage but because he was physically present, I didn’t realize that. I understand about the feelings of grief around divorce. I felt like a failure, even though he had cheated. But here is the thing: you are not mourning the marriage you have. You are mourning the marriage you wanted, your hopes and dreams. I walked th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 01:04 AM
5

It’s a really hard line to get right. The outlook of this sub is to recognize our society for what it is and to act accordingly. Yes, we need to treat victims compassionately. But we also want to stop women being in a situation where they are vulnerable to being sexually assaulted. This comes down to not being alone with a man until you really know him. There are still women getting into cars, and inviting men home, men that they do not know outside of an online chat. It’s dangerous. It could ge…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 03:56 AM
6

😂😂😂 Meanwhile I’m muttering to myself about my tomato plants
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 02:25 AM
7

I cringe when Phil and Claire do this on Modern Family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 01:32 AM
10

I bet that in a few years it will come out that tech guys at Google and Amazon have been listening in. Why wouldn’t they? Now there is Amazon Sidewalk which takes WiFi from your Ring to create “neighborhood” WiFi, allowing Amazon to track your activity inside Sidewalk. You have to opt out of it taking your Ring WiFi. I have raised this with a few people - no one cares.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 01:29 AM
2

Yes! It’s the kitchen equivalent of mowing the grass. The man does this once a week. The woman cleans every single day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 01:22 AM
2

Absolutely did not get the reference but I do know the lyrics to every ABBA song
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 01:20 AM
10

Yep. I stole your identity :) I got into this mindset from listening to “The Perfect Scam” podcast. It made me much more aware of identity theft. But more than that, it helped me be more questioning about everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 12:42 AM
10

“For example, when my coupled up friends have a bad day, their men will cook them dinner, cuddle up on the couch, and bring them flowers.” That doesn’t last. I’m much older than you. I don’t know any couples who have been married for a significant period of time where the man still does that. By the time you hit your 40’s, your husband will likely have zero interest in your career. It will be all about him. The vast majority of wives I know are exhausted, neglected and overwhelmed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 12:38 AM
26

Please be careful in car parks as the evenings get darker. And personally I would not run alone outside. Pay attention to your surroundings Wear running shoes when you are out alone Don’t wear headphones Don’t talk on your phone Be really careful if a van has parked near you Act as if you are in a war zone - because we are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 12:26 AM
23

This is why you have to lock down your social media. If you have “favorite” photos on FB, those will show up even if your profile is private. It takes time to really make your FB private. My profile picture is a nature landscape and I use a fake last name. I cover all screen cameras with thick black electrical tape. And I don’t have a smart tv, refrigerator or anything else smart. And I would never have Alexa or Echo in my home or interior cameras. I have a Ring but that is outside.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 12:06 AM
24

And I’m not wearing make-up :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 12:01 AM
12

I love my Ring doorbell - it is a great deterrent to someone. It also means I never have to answer the door to a stranger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 11:59 PM
13

You can get a bar which fits under your lock and prevents the door being opened. You just put it in place, no DIY skills needed. Very useful when you are home alone and at night. It’s also a good device if you are worried someone has your key. They are available on Amazon and Lowe’s also sells them. Master Lock 265D Door Security Bar, Pack of 1, White https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0002YUX8I/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_yJ3JFbT7KYF91
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 11:57 PM
53

I disagree with both statements. He’s a jerk. But why look down on cooking and cleaning per se? A lot of women do cook and clean, willingly and unwillingly, and it demeans the value of this work. Cooking for yourself has many benefits compared to living on junk food. And if no one cleaned, we would all be sick and devoured by roaches. So cooking and cleaning is skilled, essential work. It deserves respect. I guess I’m getting at the hierarchy of labor, that domestic labor is of no worth. Women h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 01:56 PM
3

Thank you! I can say that each year that passes I get happier, while my ex gets more miserable. Win win.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 12:35 PM
10

Congratulations! You took your time and energy and put it into you. In my case, I got out of an abusive relationship and that feeling of having my own home that no one else had a key to was priceless. It’s so important for women to have money of their own. There are so many women stuck in terrible relationships because they don’t have the money to leave. Every woman needs a secret emergency fund!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 05:43 AM
80

I deal with this all the time. I swear there are men who have given me enough to write their boring biography. And not once asked me a single question. It’s all about the selfishness. Everything is about them. Me: I was in a car accident today. Totaled my car. Broke my leg and fractured my skull... Man: Yeah, I nearly ran out of gas today. Just made it to Speedway! Anyways, gotta get something to eat. Talk to you later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 05:35 AM
11

What did he hope to achieve from this? I’m guessing the same as many married men: that he can pressure, guilt-trip and manipulate his wife into having more sex with him. How else does telling her that he was pressured into marrying her work? He doesn’t have any notion of emotionally connecting with his wife. It’s all about him and what he wants. It doesn’t cross his mind that she is an actual human being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 12:09 AM
48

This. He knew damn well that a down payment from her would give her equity in the house. We need a Suzie Orman for young women, someone from their generation who can spread the message about financial realities and the importance of putting your financial security before any relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 05:20 PM
6

All of the above. Plus really give people your full attention when they are speaking to you. Ask questions that show you have really listened. And remember small details.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 01:09 AM
10

I stopped the endless discussing things with men. This is at work. They understand. They just don’t agree. Now it’s straight boundaries and consequences. “I need you to do x. If you don’t do x, you won’t get paid.” It works.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 10:09 PM
64

Well she was stalked and harassed within a political community that she freely joined and which loudly promoted the sexual abuse of women. So she literally signed up for that. This is where privilege without values leads: to racism, hypocrisy, dishonesty and greed. Maybe her Catholic husband can teach her about service to others; about washing the feet of Muslim immigrants. The most depressing part of this article for me was when she doctored the migrants’ stories to portray them falsely as econ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 09:52 PM
2

There is nothing to “discuss“. He’s made his position clear: he’s a slob who doesn’t clean and expects her to do it. So marry him on that understanding or leave. But don’t waste time talking about something that has been decided.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 03:06 AM
159

This is so important. My ex was a big black cloud of negativity. It was as if he went into every occasion or trip actively looking to find fault. He soured everything. We would go out to eat and be that couple sitting there not talking. There wasn’t a movie or theater performance that he didn’t moan about. Vacations consisted of him moaning or getting angry. He never wanted to do anything. I literally went to the beach at sunset on my own to walk. You can be incredibly lonely in a marriage. He d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 12:44 AM
3

Street fighter is a job now?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 01:55 PM
109

“Married but separated” Married “Looking to change careers” Unemployed “Always hoped we would end up together” Struggled to remember your name “You only live once” And in my case not for long as I’m fat and lazy “Would love to catch up” To hear more about the house you own and your 401k “Ready for new adventures” Can you pay my child support?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 09:40 PM
42

I live in an area with a lot of older men. The ones who look decent are generally married: wifey takes care of them. The rest of them are fat and unkempt. I’ve become used to the sight of food-stained Polo shirts strained across the gut, pants bunched around the ankles, cheap dirty shoes. They don’t wash their hands. They live on drive-thru junk food and they don’t exercise. This is despite the fact that many of them are semi or full diabetic. They are so fucking lazy. If they are told by their …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 10:46 PM
23

Sadly, my experience of divorce is that I had to be as self-sufficient as I could be. Married friends were the worst. It was like I was contagious. I got all my emotional support from divorced women. There is a certain type of married woman who feels that she is superior, while simultaneously worrying that you will steal away her fat, stinky husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 11:17 AM
61

If women stopped giving birth, they wouldn’t have to live with untreated birth injuries. Yes, the health of the baby is important but the health of the mother is equally important. But women can wait years to be heard and treated, living in constant pain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 11:09 AM
19

I would tell every time. In my case, being cheated on was a traumatic emotional betrayal, with financial consequences. It changed me as a person. If the partner reacts with anger, that’s on them. Maybe when they are older and wiser, and the guy has carried on cheating, she will remember that there was a woman who tried to look out for her. Men will lie and minimize: it was an old profile, he was bored, he was hacked. But that’s no reason not to call him out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 01:26 AM
19

The other red flag was on the second date when he said, “I have had a lot of things happen to me that have made me a broken person...” And I actually listened and realized that he was paving the way for asshole behavior based on whatever his mom did forty years ago. This guy wasn’t some combat veteran. Then the Lowe’s thing happened. He also played in this lame-ass Dad band. OMG. I never went to see them but watched videos. They thought they were The Rolling Stones, eyes closed as they rocked to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 04:23 PM
9

Sorry, but I laughed out loud at this one. WTF?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 02:00 PM
7

Respect on the IKEA. My observation is that “successful marriages” involve a lot of compromise by the woman. Over time, she molds herself to the man and sacrifices her passions and interests to the marriage. Marriage has concrete benefits if you want to have children, legal and financial protections that are not afforded to unmarried couples. I think that having children is the only reason to get married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 01:00 PM
30

Lowe’s: this was a third date with someone I have known for years. We were supposed to go for an evening hike which I was super excited about. He turns up and says he needs to go to Lowe’s to get paint. We go to Lowe’s. No apology. After that, I send him a very nice text saying let’s just continue to be friends. He immediately blocks me on everything. Never asks me why, no interest in finding out why I feel that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 12:54 PM
30

I blame popular culture. There is still the idea that the big wedding is the pinnacle of success for a woman. This is not just Hallmark, it’s everywhere. So little attention is paid to how a woman is going to manage a career and a family. We have been at 50:50 for some time now in terms of men and women getting degrees but we are still not seeing women represented at the top - they drop down to roles which are on a 9-5 schedule. We need to really emphasize to teenage girls how important it is th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 04:22 AM
10

Wow! I’m impressed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 08:54 PM
50

Oh God this is so true. They can also be very dangerous because they hire people to work for them who have criminal records and are in active addiction. They literally do no vetting before sending these people into your home. If I can’t afford to have a reputable contractor who I know work in my home, I don’t do the work. Also, make sure to tell anyone that you have an Alexa or Echo type interior security system - even if you don’t. That will help keep them in line. Never, ever give them a key. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 06:38 PM
36

I would rephrase this slightly.. It was always his selfishness that made him cheat, that and his unwillingness to stand firm in his commitment to you. It takes not a lot of discipline and power to be faithful, and he found difficulty with the idea of being a decent human being. I know it hurts, accepting that the person you love made a conscious choice not to reciprocate the love and care you gave to them, but far from being a loss you dodged a bullet. Maybe one day he will look back and wish he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 01:19 PM
26

Men can clean. They just don’t care to. Where I live, there are a lot of older guys on Harley Davidson’s. Those bikes are immaculate. Every single piece of chrome is shiny clean. Because men want them to be clean. The same men will act as if they can’t clean a sink, wipe down a countertop and wash a floor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 03:33 AM
8

It’s a vanity thing. They are supposed to be mean and lean fighting machines. But they are fat and out of shape so the beard covers the chins.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 09:12 PM
43

The dog! There’s always a huge dog that he gets and forgets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 09:05 PM
32

I would text back “Sure” and wait for him to make a move, then show the gf. Right now, he will explain it away as him being a. bored b. depressed c. suffering from low self-esteem d. all three of the above plus you threw yourself at him so he was only being polite
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 07:20 PM
11

Jesus, this is the man I need. I misunderstand so much. Traffic signals. Counting change. Making coffee. I am so damn confused. And irrational. I have a woman accountant so my taxes are added up wrong. And I’m going to get really sick soon because I have a woman doctor. As for politics, I have no idea how to vote because I don’t have a husband to tell me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 06:48 PM
5

I wish you could be honest. But I would take the practical route here because he’s in your home and you need to protect yourself. Tell him you have a boyfriend and he’s about to come back from deployment. If he asks any more questions, tell him you don’t know too much about what your bf does because he works in a classified area and he isn’t supposed to talk about it. You met through mutual friends. Sometimes the only way to easily get creeps off your back is to play the boyfriend card. They wil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 11:42 AM
89

This fits the Chump Lady narrative on cheating. He is in the process of discarding her. The wife appliance is no longer working satisfactorily and he’s shopping for an upgrade. It’s so sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 11:38 AM
7

Don’t beat yourself up. These guys are very good at what they do. You should expect to be able to trust your partner. Chump Lady really helped me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 04:35 AM
19

I think he was testing you with that question. He is in the house to work. It’s a weird and inappropriate question for a contractor to ask. And he’s taking advantage of the fact that you are stuck there with him. I echo the advice you have been given to avoid him. The next question is probably going to be whether you have a boyfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 04:30 AM
23

They will lie to the bitter end. But women have to step out of their denial, in some cases. Your man is not the exception to the rule. You have to see things as they really are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 07:48 PM
16

But you have never met him. You cannot be sure of anything. You have literally no idea what he is doing in real life. Do we think he is a celibate professional athlete? He’s keeping you as an option. I would bet my house that you are not the only girl he is talking to. When men are interested, they drive to see you. Please ditch this waste of space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 11:10 AM
3

Honestly, I’m surprised. Every landlord I work with just wants someone who will pay the rent and not destroy the place. It’s pretty formulaic: income, employment history, credit score. Then background check, pets, references.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 10:54 AM
114

Yes, and this is why cheating is so incredibly traumatizing. It’s not just the lies and the betrayal. It’s the fact that the person who is being cheated on believes they are in a committed relationship and makes critical life choices based on that belief: buying a house, having a baby, not leaving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 03:40 AM
51

One of the characteristics of really smart people is that they are acutely aware of what they don’t know. They are always reading, developing their skills and learning completely new things. That’s why great scientists often play an instrument or plant gardens. They randomly decide to learn a new language. They visit museums. Plus they don’t feel the need to tell you they are smart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 02:37 AM
9

And the never-changed sheets, with the fitted sheet that has half come off to reveal the stained mattress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 02:12 AM
5

What is it with the Q tips? Why don’t they throw them in the trash can? And can we talk about the men who don’t have hand soap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 02:10 AM
5

They all tell the same lies: they are anti-porn or they only watch it occasionally or they used to watch it but don’t any longer. It’s the same with strip clubs: that kind of thing doesn’t do anything for them but it was where the other guys wanted to go. It was kind of boring, actually. And the, “I’ve never paid for sex.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 07:09 PM
38

Did you change the locks?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 05:43 PM
56

I went to a house this week to do a walk-through after the guy moved out. There was this weird smell I couldn’t track down. Finally I opened the dishwasher. I nearly threw up. The dishwasher must have got blocked: so he had left to sit for God knows how long with three inches of water which then got grew thick black mold over the whole surface. I’m guessing he didn’t tell me it was blocked (they never clean the filter at the bottom) because he didn’t want me finding the dog he had stashed in the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 05:40 PM
162

Honestly, that is not bad compared to most single male homes I see in the course of my work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 05:30 PM
7

As someone who has got sober, what were you thinking? You cannot hang out with people you used to get drunk with. Ever. He could have got you drunk and everything you have worked so hard for would have gone to hell. Please, please value yourself and your life more than this. He moved on from your nine-year relationship without a second glance. He replaced you faster than a new washer from Lowe’s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 03:53 PM
96

Oh God. There is a woman over on brokenmommy who gave birth without any pain relief. Her husband called her “pathetic” for making a fuss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:55 PM
3

I completely agree. Forgiveness is personal. In my situation, I would like to forgive. It’s a spiritual practice. But there has to be some reciprocity. And in my case, he continues to behave in exactly the same way to me: lying, delinquent with the low amount of child support he is supposed to pay, relentlessly spiteful. He has very few opportunities to impact my life but with those he actively tries to make my life more difficult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:14 AM
3

The OP only went on two dates. Yes, the red flags were flying but I give OP credit for noticing so much in a pretty short period of time. It’s progress, not perfection. We live and learn. It took me decades and an awful lot of pain to get to where I am now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:35 AM
47

The “forgive him” thing is always said women. Men are allowed to get even. It’s all part of the nice, nurturing narrative that is pushed on women; the narrative that leaves them depressed and exhausted. You need to forget him. Block him, process what went on, resolve never to get in that situation again. I have never forgiven my ex-husband for the lying, cheating and stealing, not least because he has never told me the full truth, apologized or changed in any way. And I’m not twisted up inside. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:24 AM
10

For the win
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:12 PM
7

Amen. At its core, Christianity says love others as you love yourself. So as a man, don’t watch your wife work herself to exhaustion while you play games on your phone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:06 PM
18

You are getting some tough love here OP. But it is love. From women who want to lift you up and, in my case, save you from mistakes I have made. What are you getting out of this? You are pain shopping. You could block him on all platforms in a matter of seconds and tell your friends that you don’t want to know. But you keep going back. I’m going to take a guess that the payoff is that in focusing on him, you don’t have to look at your own life. You could be spending all this time and energy on m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:02 PM
3

I think the younger ones have grown up with women bosses and mothers who work so at least they don’t have that issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 10:51 PM
12

Thank you kind woman for the award!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 10:50 PM
8

In my work, I find men over the age of 40 an absolute nightmare to deal with. They are so entitled. I work managing rental properties. If they are over the age of 40, I can guarantee that the house will be disgusting when they move out. They don’t even try to clean. They move out and tell me they left it in the same state it was when they rented it. That is when I send them literally 100 move-in photos. I can prove it was white-glove clean. And they all leave a crappy, half-assed brick “circle” …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 08:06 PM
148

“I love my wife a great deal and will never leave her....” “I find my wife amenable to me and will never leave her because I will lose my house, have to pay child support, move into an apartment which I have to clean myself, then deal with my own laundry, go to the dry-cleaners on a Saturday which everyone knows means standing in line, get groceries which means more standing in line, take my car in to be serviced, pay bills, buy my mother’s gifts, buy my father’s gifts, make dental appointments,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 06:40 PM
12

Spoiler: next year she has a baby with him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 04:12 PM
32

This just makes me sad for her
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 04:10 PM
78

Everyone thought we were the perfect couple. My ex was cheating for years. I think you have to be a hacker to know. Guys can hide the communication online. But they can also hide the money. It’s a red flag if their bank account is online, no paper statements, and locked down because it probably links to the secret credit card that is also online. And that in turn pays for the motels and the second phone. Even if they are transparent with their phone, that doesn’t rule out a second one stashed in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 04:08 PM
40

She needs to learn his love language
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 03:19 AM
44

Yes. Don’t get pregnant, don’t get breast cancer and don’t let your mother die because it turns out that all of those routinely cause husbands to cheat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 10:17 PM
29

I wish I could shout this from the rooftops to every woman who is sure her partner would never cheat. I was one of those. It still shocks me, the extent of my ex husbands deception. All this from a man who routinely “forgot” everything important to me but successfully managed to have multiple affairs over five years and never failed to cover his tracks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 10:12 PM
15

I am actually better off than I was before. My ex wasted so much money. I was always the saver. I have so much more time. I actually exercise and have hobbies and eat what I want. I regret not leaving him years before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 09:40 PM
9

I found that it gets better and better. I am seven years on from discovery. I gained a lot of confidence from being on my own and rebuilding a business that my ex had run into the ground. He told me I would never be able to do it. In the years after I got divorced, I found out so many more lies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 09:28 PM
4

Rat here. I’m smart, affectionate and hard-working. Trade up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:02 PM
9

This is what is known as looking for kibbles. He’s sniffing around you and others, looking for attention. If you ignore him, he will move on to pester someone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:58 PM
4

Chump Lady changed my life. I probably wasn’t ready for it in the beginning because I was going to love my husband back into the marriage. Unfortunately, that did not work. It was only when I got really angry and started reading her blog that I got real insight into what was really going on and what I needed to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:55 PM
3

Yep, I don’t think you ever change anyone’s mind by criticizing them. It’s far more effective to share what worked for me in that situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:53 PM
35

I agree. When I was married, I didn’t realize how bad it was. It happened gradually. My now ex stopped talking to me, sleeping with me, had in fact discarded me. But for whatever reason, it seemed normal. Miserable but normal. He didn’t hit me or abuse me. He ignored me. And I had so much fear about being single. I couldn’t even contemplate it. It was too painful to let go of the dream, of what I hoped my marriage would be. It was like contemplating a death. It took finding out that my ex was ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:51 AM
108

I believe that the majority of men would rape if they knew they were guaranteed to get away with it. The conduct of men in wartime and in times of slavery is evidence of this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 12:52 AM
4

I remember this mantra from Chump Lady. It’s not that he doesn’t understand. It’s that he doesn’t agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:56 PM
13

Aww. Thanks. Yes, but it took me a couple of years to get on my feet emotionally and five years to recover financially. One thing that might save someone else is that I was 100% certain he wasn’t cheating. He met his women during the day so he was never out late. He said a zillion times how he despised cheaters. I never found anything on his phone. So when I hear women say they are sure their partner isn’t cheating, I roll my eyes. There were red flags but they were much more subtle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:54 PM
5

I went on an OLD date with a guy who was a widower. Both in our late 40’s at that time. After the date, I figured out that his wife of 20+ years had died in November. He created his OLD profile in December. I went for dinner with him in January. I know that grief manifests in different ways, but he seemed happy as a clam. Reminded me of a kid in a candy store. I didn’t go on another date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 01:31 PM
13

I was just thinking before I read your post that this sub is far and away the most considered, well-written and respectful. You absolutely can post a contrary POV here and have it debated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 01:18 PM
197

God, this is so true. The number of mothers surviving on barely any sleep while the partners game and sleep in. I mean who does that? Who sleeps for ten hours straight while their partner gets four? And it’s misogyny because when you put men in a group setting, army or sports team, they are all about having each other’s backs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 01:15 PM
22

I’m confused. Are you saying that when they get feedback from their co-workers they listen? Are you sure? Because I assumed they would punch the drywall in the break room, lock themselves in their office to game, and sulk for three days. Then they come out and ask the intern for sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 01:05 PM
22

I got cheated on by my now ex-husband. Actually, I need to write a post about that whole saga. Anyway, this man who could not remember anything - I asked him to pick up trash bags, he forgets, repeat x I am insane - had memorized the phone number of his girlfriend; called her every day on the dot; wiped his call history like he was in the cartel; managed to get to the bank before it closed to take cash out to give her; and to sum up led a complete double life for years. He slipped up once, that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 12:55 PM
14

Well, you can put lipstick on a pig. Character doesn’t change. I’ve been through this with ex’s and they always revert to their true nature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:24 AM
3

Did you take a class? I would like to get into woodworking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 04:59 AM
35

I work in real estate. I legit would rip this carpet out and the disgusting pad. Then deodorize the concrete floor. This guy does one load of clothes a month, stuffs everything in so it doesn’t get washed properly, forgets to take it out so someone dumps it in a basket where it molders for a few days before he dries it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 04:54 AM
6

You can really get into it. I grow milkweed, I’m collecting the seeds right now for next year. You can make it as easy or as complex as you like. I grow for Monarch Butterflies as well, which is totally addictive. Then I got into growing from seed which is really easy and gives you much more color and variety in your garden.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 04:48 AM
28

And if you are advised after the “communication” to make a list of each partner’s domestic chores, please don’t waste your time. He’s not going to do that, either. I mean how hard is it to remember to put the trash out? Or mow the grass. Or pick up milk. It’s not that men forget. It’s that they don’t give a damn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 04:46 AM
25

I am a recovering workaholic. First, I got into baking bread and then gardening. I planted a certified pollinator garden and I’m currently working my way through an artisan bread baking book. Baking is very creative but it’s also challenging because of the science involved in using yeast. Oh, and I knit 🧶
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 02:02 AM
45

I would focus on a passion rather than a job. Your passion may be work. But jobs now are so unstable compared to how they used to be. Companies have zero loyalty to their employees. So make sure that you are not tied to a particular company.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 01:52 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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