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San_Ra Archive

View 6 posts and 94 comments by San_Ra on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

So my x didnt do that thankfully. However just to put a nice spin on it you should ask "hey all these videos your taking can you send me some i like the idea of candid home videos of me and the kid hanging out" Turn it on her like hey happy family video thanks so nice of you 🫠
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 03:58 AM
1

Mate it took me a long time to give myself that grace. Its a journey. No one said it would be easy but there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if you cant see it now
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 05:42 AM
5

Hey, dude. We all f**ked up some way or other. We weren't attentive enough. We got fat. drove her away. Went to another woman (or mans) arms. Were to nice. Not nice enough. Didnt do the dishes. What ever it was in some way, shape or form, we played a part in what happened. For some of us, we dont know what it was for others its.... obvious. You know what you did. Its going to be tough. Its always tough. Support systems fail us. Friends and family will make assumptions, believe who they want to b…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 08:52 PM
6

"You know babes, after the way she treated me its understandable. Oh you didnt hear what she did? You should ask her" followed by a flamboyant finger snap and hip pop
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 07:21 PM
6

I came here to say something profound. All i can say is its hard. And we are here to support you all the way.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 09:25 PM
19

The realization that despite the fact i had sacrificed my friends and hobbies on the alter of marriage and provided for her it was all for nothing in the end. When she started putting herself before the kids and making decisions that impacted on the kids well-being because i was enabling the behavior it was a searing jolt of pain and loss of that relationship. Followed by a slow destruction of all my core beliefs which i was brought up to believe as true and proper. Why was it hard for me? The p…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 01:01 AM
3

When she started making decisions that negatively impacted the kids. The rest i could cope with but that was the end
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 06:00 PM
1

This is a hard one. If i knew how the marriage would end and the emotional shit i went through then Hard No. If i still had knowledge of my kids then yes a thousand times yes. My kids are my all, doesnt matter all the shit that ive been through those 2 lottle fuckers are the best thing thats ever happened to me wouldnt chage it for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 09:49 AM
3

This is a hard question to answer. Im a nurse so save her I have some reasonable water lifesaving skills/experience so save her Shes the mother of my children so save her Shes destroyed my mental health and my family so let her drown I think ultimately id save her but not take any credit. Just i saved you because i should not because i wanted to
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 11:51 PM
2

We had an open relationship for about a year during which we both saw other people. During that time it became very clear that i was being financially abused (i couldnt spend any money on myself without her permission other than a meager "allowance" each week). During this time we had also said the kids come first. If we have something planned outside of the family unit and the family unit needs both parents: then outside activities got canceled. Straw that broke the camels back: the family unit…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/24 03:08 AM
3

Theres a number of options if they haven't already been mentioned: Therapy. See your gp. There may be medication to help. Physical activity that you are comfortable with. Healthy eating. See a dietitian Alcohol (not really advisable, but it's an option) Medical cannibis. Just options pick and choose not everything works for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 08:23 AM
2

We want an update in a year or two when you're running marathons
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 08:30 PM
2

Would i do it over again or be single. The short answer to that is i cant do it sll over again. And i dont want to do it again. I love my kids. In a weird way i still love the mother of my kids too. Would i go back and change anything? No. Because i cant Am i going to do it again? Have kids? No i got the snip. Am i going to get married probably not
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 03:32 AM
1

You can view that from from 2 places; on the pedestal (shes so great but its not my turn) or from the pedestal (its not my turn and thats probably a good thing no one wants sloppy 2nds or 3rds) (I have other stuff to say but im tired so) insert comment you find irritating from an opposite view point but cant not disagree with it. This way you feel vindicated in replying with a not so thinly vailed passive aggressive statement that reinforces your first point Stating some reference that sounds go…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 09:04 AM
2

Ring you mum. Then at the end of the conversation you can still say "i love you" Also you got this man!! Its a hard situation to be in but it will get better. We here to support you if needed
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 06:11 AM
1

Yea pay for play is legal where i live, but id like to avoid that if possible. What i miss is that comfortable familiar touch that partners experience. Im sure if i wanted sex there are a number of woman in my life who wouldnt say no. But i can manage with no sex (the xwife proved that) but the intimate nonsexual touch damn i miss it
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 06:46 PM
1

It's worth a shot, actually. Though when i was writing this, i was thinking very much of those little touches that one gets while brushing past your partner in the kitchen. Those familiar innocuous touches that let you know your present and appreciated. The hand on the back in bed thats your partner checking that you're still there and the absent-minded strokes while curled up on the couch together. I do need a good massage, though
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 05:29 PM
5

Haha its a bit of a trip to the nearest one. Also the caliber of the local clubs is..... questionable
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 03:58 AM
2

I envy you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 12:09 AM
3

I try its difficult between work and kids. Alot of the social gathering areas i used to frequent have been usurped by the xwife annoyingly with some poisoning of the well as it were. Ugh just sucks
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 12:09 AM
3

She's a good but not everything. 12 years old and getting slow. Not something im looking forward too but planning for when shes gone too. The cats usless.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/23 12:03 AM
8

You're *
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 07:51 PM
12

Has she told you about "steve"? No? It's not my place to tell, but you should ask her about "steve".
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 04:31 AM
1

No! Just no doesnt matter how independent they are no. Different country here but our laws say 12 y/o min. And even then its questionable. In saying that my 9 year old maybe but still no and a defo, not my 6 year old.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 01:47 AM
1

Yea i brought it up a week or so ago as theres a lot of toxic shit. Interestingly it was kind of 50/50 for and against this being a toxic place. Mostly it was we can do better or lets call it how it is (but not nicely)
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 06:17 AM
1

There are polyamory subreddits that may give you a better view on what you're looking for in terms of answers. This is a very manogamy centric subreddit.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/23 01:30 AM
1

Dont get me wrong i agree but theres a difference between "your x wife undoubtedly has a new partner" vs "she getting hella nasty dick" amd i think theres space for both but it just seems to me theres a lot more of the latter going on at the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 10:39 PM
1

Thays why i though we should discuss it thank yoi for your input
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 01:43 AM
1

In which case if youd eluded to that in a hey guys heres the situation post and yet were clearly emotionally still chaseing her then yes im all for the dude heres reality deal with it. But when the situations not clear should we be in your face about it if we dont know the full story?
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 11:13 PM
0

Lol thats the issue though isnt it. You assume my feels were hurt. I initiated my seperation because her decisions were jeopardizing the kids. We were already in a consenting non-monogomus relationship. While i didn't find this sub untill recently if i had posted about my relationship i would have laughed at the shes getting dick comments because yes she was how do i know i was there for some of it just like she was there for some of the vag i was getting. But thats not always going to be the ca…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 06:25 PM
2

Yea, it just got me thinking, that's all. You didn't volunteer that information to start with, so you know we can't necessarily understand the full picture. Maybe it was your infadelity or your initiative and we are straight away putting her in this bad position where they might not be and just thought if that was me id find being told shes doing someone hard to take. Just thoughts. I do hope you are well given where you're at. we have all been there, so dont hesitate to reach out. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 08:16 AM
2

The shocker is its not your 2 in the pink and definitely not your one in the srink
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:45 AM
1

I agree. And i assumed this had been discussed before. It just feels to me that recently comments have become a little more going for the throat/crass insensitive rather than just being short sharp and upfront.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:37 AM
6

Her clams been shucked by another now That cherry tress been plucked by another garder now That landing strips directing a new plane
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:33 AM
1

I agree many of us were/are still under the thrall of our x and have a mindset that reflects that. So your for holding the mirror to their face brilliant. How do we do it? Is there a better way to do it or nicer way to do it or do we just go for shock and awe "shes fucking the plumber mate deal" or "sorry dude but shes got another beu now and its not you"
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:31 AM
2

I like it straight and forward. My question is it always the best approach? (No wrong answer just furthering the discussion)
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:25 AM
1

But to a hurting dude having 20 30 people just rubbing it in your face that shes getting railed by whoever. Just opening up discussion
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:24 AM
1

Right some thought before just: shes getting it good!
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:23 AM
1

You can bang whoever you want, but more coming from the do, we need to rub it in to new members that their x is now getting dick when they are clearly hurting.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:22 AM
4

Yes and no. Remember for the ladies, especially if they were the instigator of the separation, they probably dealt with the emotional side of things prior to the separation. Howere yes, we should stop assuming they are sleeping with someone unless they tell us otherwise, and well, we shouldn't really care because shes his problem now. The flipside of that is it kinda helped me knowing that she was because that was not the nail in the coffin but it was certainly a helpful if not painful at first …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 01:26 AM
1

37 divorcing my wife. 2 kids and a house in the mix. To reiterate everything that has been said. Leave. The hit you take now will hurt. But it will hurt less then when there are kids and all the sundries associated in 5 years time. Your mental health is far more important than "being married". Leave work thriugh the pain and start again. Its a scary thing to do but you will be absolutely fine.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 06:29 AM
2

Medicsl professional and recently seperated: sleep is a big factor in ones mental health. If you're not getting the sleep your body requires it effects all aspects of your health. I went to the Family dr for some sleeping pills in the first place. Took them for about 6 months before just naturally tapering off them. Getting the sleep definitely helps. I did find the side effects somewhat of a hindrance. Since then i have gotten a script for some herbal based products 🍁 which i use when i know iv…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 12:06 AM
1

Huh, that resonates. Truly. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 05:40 AM
2

Yea im having issues planing a week out. Outside of work its down to days out
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 05:38 AM
1

The lamenting of the woman🙃 brilliant!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 12:09 AM
2

I hope ive impacted livex through my job (nursing) but i guess its that knowing vs not knowing
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 12:09 AM
2

Its a good quote lots to unpack
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 12:00 AM
1

I try not to overthink things, but honestly sometimes it just hits me in the chest. Mainly that outside of my kids i dont really have those few things. And don't know how to find or what they could be
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/23 12:00 AM
2

I think im looking for direction. Marriage gave me a direction (or i was directed by the Marriage) and now beyond my kids i dont really have direction
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 11:57 PM
1

Long work hours and kids means i fit in the exercise when i can. Never as much as i want and it is one of the first things to go when i get busier. Eulogy: was a good dad. Thats my main goal
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 11:55 PM
1

I think im struggling with the wealth of options to the point of decision paralysis.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 11:53 PM
1

More learning yay 🙃 thanks for the recommendation will follow that up
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 11:51 PM
2

Yeah, I guess it's been 14 years of oppression. I dont even know where to start with the interests or travel hobbies or career 🤔 trying to keep my eyes open.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 11:50 PM
1

Hmmm yea i think ive sorted out the why for the kids its just the why for the rest of my life that i dont have yet. Work in progress
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 11:48 PM
1

Probably not going to but if I live with her for more than 2 then according to the govt i am for all intensive purposes married
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 06:47 AM
1

18 months so far but there is a 2 year seperation required in my country so not actually worried right now
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/23 12:31 AM
1

3.3km
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 05:35 AM
1

Mate, I'm 20 months post separation. Can legally get divorced in 4 months. I still cant plan more that a day or 2 ahead in my personal life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 10:05 PM
1

Cheers couldnt work that one out
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/23 03:24 AM
1

Mgtower?
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 10:47 PM
1

You say your a problem solver. The problem is no longer that your relationship needs to be fixed. The solution to that problem has been worked out. The problem to be fixed is how to best absolve the relationship. General place to start with is fix your relationship with yourself (gym, read, counseling) amd get a lawyer. You have no kids or dependents so if you keep it nice this should be no problem
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 10:06 PM
2

Theres a number of reasons why. The basic reasons. Get fit. Look good. Eye candy at the gym. The more complicated: It gets you out of the house. It gives you a constructive way to burn your pent up energy (good and bad). The endorphins released during exercise help combat depression. Depending on how you gym its a social activity (trainer, group fitness, go with friends, accountability) during a period of time that you may not want to talk to people. Other: Due to the above you are more likely t…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 07:35 PM
3

Right want to put it in anything but the effort to get to that point na flag
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 08:01 PM
3

I was actually allowed to. Wait, no, no one was there to tell me to turn it off.... fucking bliss
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 05:50 AM
1

Its a good place to build from. Start with the muscles (gym) and the gray matter 🧠 build that strong and in a few years 💪
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 11:53 PM
3

Didnt we learn that already? Lol 😆
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 07:23 PM
3

You dont. You save your relationship with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 09:02 PM
1

Yes and yes i have begun to notice that I am falling into old habits that I had when u was with my STBX. It is concerning as they are codependent type habits and thoughts. Which i have been working to not do. May be looking at the physiological beginning of the end 😒 fml
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 07:20 PM
2

She looked up from reading the proclamation that we were going into lock down and said im moving out you can deal with the kids.... that was the ahhh straw that broke the camels back
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 05:45 AM
2

All this advise is awesome but please take the advise if seeing a counselor or therapist! The internet is a great place but can very quickly become an echo chamber of vitriol and hate. Reddit has its good places (this is a prety good spot) but also its bad places. Some more subtle than others. Read some books you'll find theres a few that get recommended here. One being "no more mr nice guy" i found this incredibly enlightening to my situation. Another one i found very helpful (and this sounds w…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 06:49 PM
3

Discord is a VoIP and instant messaging social platform. Users have the ability to communicate with voice calls, video calls, text messaging, media and files in private chats or as part of communities called "servers" Google it and have a read.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 06:39 PM
6

Do it! Im 36 got mine while married. Easy decision. We had 2 kids. Do i love them yes. Are they the best thing in the world yes. Do i want more? NO. now im divorcing my stbx and looking at the dateing scene. Yea no still dont want more kids. Casual sex still wrap it because STDs but i still know if bitch be crazy and try trap me. Dna test all the way and 100% confidence its not mine
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 05:22 PM
2

The girl looked like a dude "lol" You have perspective on the situation. You realise your not her priority. You can see the stupidity in her actions. For all intensive purposes you can see through what shes trying to do. But for clarification: she slept with someone outside of your marriage. Likely whatever she was in has now collapsed. She wants back to stable familiar good money. Shes looking for a safe place to regroup and then seek adventure from.... Likely not woth you. Cut and run my frien…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 05:38 PM
5

Its hard. Its a different hard. Im sitting here on the shitter thinking how hard it is but its a hardship that i brought into. The marriage turned to custard. It got hard. It got painfull. I lost so much of my self my friends you name it. It mentally distroyed me. I didnt buy into that. Divorce: its hard. Reclaiming myself. My finances. My independence. My kids. Its mentally draining. Theres days i dont want to get out of bed. Its hard but its hard because your building something. Not hard becau…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 05:42 AM
2

Lol man who hurt y.... wait hang on rereads post ahhh wait yes yes nope you are correct sir i would however point out that 1:🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 and also i disagree with 🚩 but have found that 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 are fairly salient points. In reply to op however: you do you either get married or dont. Honestly 13 years and now splitting things 5050 no regrets. More just casual annoyance at the fucking paperwork
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 08:03 AM
6

Done it once. Going through the divorce process now (new zealand). Looking forward... would i do it again? Probably not. I was brought up that that was the "next step" Christian family stuff. Na if i want to spend the rest of my life with you sure. May be a prenup in there somewhere but actually looking at the single for like/ exclusive friends with benefits type situation would be ideal. Marriage again? No
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 07:40 PM
2

No "big goodbye" just packed the car said ill pick the kids up after school tuesday enjoy the rest of your day
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 05:01 AM
1

Ohhh might use that
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 06:45 PM
2

We have a baseline agreement After time with (parent) said parent will return (the child) to (other parent) (fed and waterd) (no earlier that 5pm) unless by prior arrangement by (phone/txt/lawyer/email/pigeon post) notified (5/10/15/24 hrs) before hand off Ie if i have the kids then i drop them off fed watered and with mostly clean clothes after dinner. Unless theres some reasonable reason why not but that has to be communicated within a reasonable time frame.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 06:42 PM
2

When i left it was all about her. She did she saod she wanted she needed. Ive done some self development. She did because i had. She said because i was. She wanted because i wouldnt or couldnt. She needed because i wasnt there. Its a hard road but you are not alone and we are here to help
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/22 08:37 PM
2

Yea see im kinda comming to that realization. Have read no more mr nice guy looking for others (currently reading polysecure more for the relationship theory stuff)
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/22 04:30 AM
1

Mate sitting 3 feet from my gf. Her kids and mine are in the lounge watching a movie we've been together for 8months ish and im fairly sure i could have writen your dating situation verbatum. Just be open about where yoir at with your partner she'll eother wander off or stay
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/22 03:35 AM
3

No!
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 04:06 AM
1

Always time for new music.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 06:20 AM
5

Best post ive seen sofar my dude! I started by swimming. Im still only doing it once a week but its something. We here for you.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/22 01:31 AM
2

13 years to go unless i can get 50/50 care
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/22 07:00 AM
1

Bridging 2 worlds here. The Nurse in me says.... Look after yourself to start with. Eat well. Exercise. Sleep hygiene is really important. Set a schedual. No screen after (set time). Go to bed if not asleep in half an hour get up out of bed. do something (read "no more mr nice guy) and then try again. Look into meditation. You are a free agent now to set your own life. Medication is a last resort in terms of getting you to sleep. Melatonin is ok long term but alot of the "sleep meds" are addicti…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 10:54 PM
1

You do you. If you feel you are in the emotional space that you can balance; kids, work, STBX and new GF then yeah do it. If you dont but are approached set boundaries and stick to them
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 02:36 AM
1

Min Seperation period of 2 years before you can file for divorce. Its a rough deal but its also a good time to sort shit out which im trying to do
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 04:26 AM
1

Usually its "turn off your fucking screen and come to dinner/shower/tidy your room/leave your brother alone)
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/22 11:35 AM
1

Nope they dont if anything they become better at hiding it and more toxic as they are hiding it they arnt communicating ans so there are good times then she/he blows up big fights you break up.... wait you may have already saod this..... dude move on
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 06:44 PM
2

Nope they dont
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 06:43 PM
4

Private agreement At the moment 25% of my take home. ($1000) Slowly going broke. Job interview monday that is a 40k pay rise if i get it. Would roughly make it 1/5 of my take home. Bout to have the conversation about selling the house
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 06:28 PM
3

Clearly the x
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 06:17 PM
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