Question for the team

Gattsama · 2023-07-17T02:19:01+00:00

This comes up from time to time in various male spaces. Here's the thing, there is no nice way to communicate that information. You can lead with an "I sorry to tell you this / odds are / etc." But in the end, the harsh truth is just that, harsh...

Many guys can't hear what you are saying. You sometimes need to be graphic to even get them to see the situation realistically. How many times does someone post they caught their spouse cheating but want to work it out. I will sometimes say think about what that means. She lied to you, manipulated you, and chose to break her vows. Her and this guy took off their clothes, she dropped down and took his cuck in her mouth, bend over and had him fuck her, she did all the stuff that she's been refusing to do with you (dead bed) etc...

I sometimes get graphic because some guys really can't hear the message otherwise. I had one guy all but threatening to beat the shit out of me for sending him a DM saying graphic shit about 'his wife.' Like Will Smith slapping a comedy act, but setting across from the women that cucked him on national TV (with their kids couch), but was ok with that.

Sometimes, facing the harsh reality is hard. I'm not saying go for the throat from the jump. But "she cheated" or "she's banging someone else."

I would put forward that actually is a polite and considerate way to make what is a very harsh statement 🤔

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-07-17T02:21:01+00:00

Perhaps we should say, "There's a banana in her fruit salad"?

Or, "She's getting sour cream in her burrito"?

I like the food metaphors.

RunTheBull13 · 2023-07-17T03:00:41+00:00

We aren't women. Say it how it is, not beat around the bush.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-07-17T03:06:10+00:00

Reality isn’t always pleasant but chances are if your wife or girlfriend decided to break up with you or going to divorce. There’s already been a dude hovering in the background waiting to take your place.

Noodletrousers · 2023-07-17T03:57:51+00:00

I’m gonna be a little contrarian here.

Most of you are absolutely right to shove it in the dude’s face if he’s already acknowledged infidelity and rightly so, especially if there’s the “but I wanna work it out” mentality.

There still are plenty of women (most likely a minority and probably a small minority, but really none of us know for certain) that do just leave. They’ve had enough for one reason or another and split.

The assumption that seems to be ever present here is that they obviously have another lined up or have already boffed another dude.

This has been the most difficult thing most of us have ever had to deal with and I see an uncomfortable amount of posts about men about to take their own lives. I think if you get a feeling that the OP is really in the shit and about to do something dumb, it might be worth holding your tongue about the new pipe fitter who’s come to inspect the old lady’s plumbing.

Offer advice and encouragement, not shove their face in the fact that they no longer are plowing her, but Horatio Alger is.

Yes, lots of dudes need the slap, some don’t immediately. Discretion is key. Knee jerk “She’s totally getting reamed, probably as I type” is mindless and I’ve come to respect most of your intelligence and critical thinking abilities to be higher than that.

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-07-17T02:27:05+00:00

Won’t speak for everyone, but I get aggravated and a little crass when guys are being walked all over and they write these posts where they are still pining over their ex. It’s not like I am being unsympathetic. It’s more like “wake up”.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2023-07-17T04:21:55+00:00

Why the hell can't you go bang some other broad. I'm not worried about who she banging you should be worried about finding those to bang. That is my entire energy. Not worrying about that broad when there's other broads to bang.

catter3423 · 2023-07-17T06:01:22+00:00

I think it was my post you responded to. My ex definitely had a crush in the background. Wasn’t the reason for her leaving but maybe gave her the thought grass could be greener. Turns out she didn’t cheat and that fizzled out pretty quickly.

But anyway, that imagery of “she’s banging someone” isn’t nice but maybe some people do need to hear that. Just saying she’s moved on and it’s time you do to might be a nicer way to put it.

I guess cheating is often the case but think women end things for a bunch of different reasons. Seems a bit lazy.

One_Cartographer_465 · 2023-07-17T16:14:11+00:00

I view the harsh way of messaging this as a "friendly" slap in the face to drive home the message, hey she is going to screw you 10 ways from Sunday in the divorce, has already started, so put on your armor and fight. Know your enemy. she has become your enemy. but that is just me.

warwww · 2023-07-17T02:35:17+00:00

“Impregnating” works just fine. I mean it’s what the other guy is doing in any event.

The main point is that she’s no longer your wife. There are no more sacred vows to uphold. Do you get a pit in your stomach if a random person is getting impregnated? I would presume no, you need to develop a similar mindset. It’s hard but you need to begin healing and maybe find a more suitable spouse.

Reflog1791 · 2023-07-17T16:26:07+00:00

“Monkey branching” isn’t just a rage filled incel excuse, it’s what women do just before the end of the relationship.

It’s called taking the red pill and 99% of the guys here are getting their first red pill lesson. It’s a tough pill to swallow but in the end it helps us recover because we don’t take her betrayal personally, and don’t believe her subsequent manipulations.

So I disagree completely and I only see these comments when it’s obvious the monkey has branched to a new tree from the post.

One more, the divorce itself plays out better for the man when he has accepted the reality of the situation. In my view, the worst divorce outcomes for men come when they cannot come to terms with what happened and strategically address it. When we don’t understand why our dearly beloved left us, the confusion and shock makes for horrendous and expensive divorce decisions.

Adventurous_Rain_279 · 2023-07-17T20:52:39+00:00

We as man say “as is” Hard truth We are tired of that emancipated bullshit, and avoiding true formulations

We should call things, by their real name.

Saying that your own wife is banged by some dude, is brave. It puts you at spot, vulnerable, defeated - but being honest of the situation

Their are tons of posts where guys have strong emotion for their partner, and cant say or acknowledge his wife is getting banged. But thats their problem

RideATX · 2023-07-18T16:23:23+00:00

Women communicate covertly with niceties and undertones. Men communicate with facts and directness. This isn't a space to talk about feelings, it's a space for direct communication and actionable advice.

Title	Question for the team
Author	San_Ra
Upvotes	10
Comments	36
Date	July 17, 2023 1:34 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/151nzsq/question_for_the_team/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/question-for-the-team.1225507 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225507

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