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catter3423 Archive

View 23 posts and 145 comments by catter3423 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Thanks for this. I’m 2 and half years in. Divorce was as smooth as it could be. I have a good job, my own place and a girlfriend. Damn it still hits me though. The ghost of what could have been. The dreams lost. Feeling like 20 plus years together meant naught. Questioning myself at every turn. And of course just seeing my kids 50% of the time. I’m forging on but life will never be what I imagined. Don’t get me wrong, it can still be good. But it won’t be the shared dream that we had.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 04:48 AM
1

Been apart for two and a half years and still angry. Every day I just have to decide whether I love my kids more than I hate her. So keep it as neutral as you can, sit with the anger and try focus on the kids and your life.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 04:47 PM
1

A bit over 2 years on my own. I do have a girlfriend but she’s busy with her daughter often. The loneliness still gets me sometimes. I probably enjoy beers with mates or watching sport a bit much. My dog keeps me busy. Despite only having my kids half the time I find I have a lot of laundry and upkeep of house. Little hobbies like fantasy sport or I’m trying to watch Oscar nominees so give myself a movie night. I hear ya. Those intrusive thoughts still get you. Sometimes it’s good to sit with th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 04:45 AM
1

It was hers. Nah, think she’s definitely over it. Got a guy who has taken her around the world and they just moved into a big property he bought for them. Think she’s just sinking boots in and wants to brag.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 02:24 PM
1

Yep. I would put kids to bed 90% of time because she was enjoying her hobby and painting. Was nice that my oldest laughed and said “that’s not true at all” when he heard what his Mom had said. But they just shouldn’t have to hear that stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:56 PM
1

Oh yeah. Did counselling for a while and understand my faults. Neither of us cheated or anything. Just over 20 years together from a young age and went different ways. Felt and feel guilt over not being the perfect husband she needed. In fact, my first reaction when she went off was not to retaliate. It was to check on my girlfriend and make sure she feeling loved because I don’t want to make those mistakes again. Totally agreed about not involving kids. Thats where it started. She said somethin…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:31 PM
1

Yeah. I’m betting probably felt good for her to list things that made her not feel loved. I’d like to do the same but I don’t think it’s worth engaging. I pretty much just said we both played a part and let each other go. Left it at that. It’s not like she’s going to change mind from the story that’s in her head.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 12:26 PM
1

Haha. Yes. I do know that. I suppose it’s my own head I have to deal with and not letting it get to me. I’d love to blast her back with stuff but do my best not to. Would be nice to do but in end will make life harder.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 06:18 AM
7

I just found out last week that it all processed. She messaged “congratulations to both of us!” and I never responded. I don’t want to be with her but also don’t feel like celebrating it. Nobody enters a marriage wanting that to be the outcome. So I guess I grieved it. Chatted to mates and had a couple of beers. Then sat with my thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 09:37 PM
1

I’m 2 years in. And compared to my girlfriend and many others I know I’m lucky. 50/50, split everything, no lawyers involved etc. She lives less than a kilometre from but we move in different circles and I never come across her. Still a pain though. Will not respond to anything for days, forgets to send kids over with stuff they need so I always need get in touch and send kids over to get stuff. Always schedules things like dentists on my weeks. Does little things like tells my youngest he only …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 04:35 PM
14

I think it’s very different. I remember our marriage counsellor at the time saying that we’ll never know anybody like we know each other. And I think that’s right. My ex and I were together very young. Basically went through our 20s and 30s together, had kids together etc. Replicating that and establishing a bond the same as that is impossible. That said, I do have a girlfriend and love her. It’s great and I can imagine a future together, but definitely not the same.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 04:12 AM
1

For sure. I meant looking forward to building our own chemistry. Not trying to make something my ex and o had.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 10:39 PM
8

Ha. I was thinking about this today. I miss my ex in that way a little. We were together a long time and just knew what the other was into and had good chemistry. Love my girlfriend but she’s a bit more inhibited. A little quiet and lacks confidence. But hey, I guess that will be fun. Forming that chemistry together and trying out different things.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 09:43 PM
2

Thank you! I appreciate it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 01:42 AM
2

Yeah, for sure! Thanks. Was just venting at the time. Doesn’t really change a thing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 12:27 AM
2

Because we were talking and it was a surprise to me at the time. Chatted about it to some family, had a good time with friends that night and made a post on here because it helps sometimes. Had my night to process it. All good.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 10:50 PM
2

I’ll check with her and see if she thinks it’s cheating. Pretty sure she’s ok with it. Haha
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 06:09 PM
4

Ha! Mine got engaged in Vegas.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 07:51 PM
3

Thanks. Kids are always my focus and we are very close. They actually prefer time at my place. I think you’re right about embracing it though. Her new partner may be able to provide kids with experiences that I cannot. Seems like he’s raised two good sons already. I do wonder if she’s rushed this because of money. Would she have said yes to marrying him without it? Not something I can ask.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 02:43 PM
4

Haha. Ouch. I mean I don’t go without and own a place in a very expensive city. Just don’t have a lake house and set for retirement in early 50s like this guy. Just a very strange feeling and wanted to vent to a group.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 02:38 PM
2

Been a bit of a mantra of mine for a while now. Don’t chase the snake.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 06:54 AM
6

True. We have 50/50 custody and my ex knows I’m a good Dad. I have a great relationship with my boys so am not afraid of losing them. It is still sad though. Not what I imagined life would be.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 05:24 AM
6

Yeah. We met at a coffee shop and I sat with my ex while he got my boys a drink. Was a strange situation with my kids at a table with another guy. They are 9 and 11. We shook hands when we met and before we left. Said “Hi, nice to meet you” and that was it really.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 05:18 AM
7

I met him for first time yesterday. Ex and I had to go over a couple of things. They’ve been together 6 months. They pulled up with my kids in his BMW with the top down. It was 8 degrees. Lol. He’s older and richer and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t compare myself and feel a bit sad. He seems to get along with my boys though. And if they have someone else who is a decent guy who can give them different experiences then that’s good. Better than her rotating guys on dating apps.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 05:09 AM
1

11 and 9. We did make some progress yesterday at least. Agreed that both of us need to take a breath sometimes and calm down before getting into conversation. Still, is she going to do this every time something doesn’t go her way. Pain in ass but feel better.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 11:36 PM
2

We have a 50/50 split. Yeah, in hindsight we could have gone into more detail but things have been fine until recently. Not sure what her issue is. If she wants to limit the boys to staying in their Province I imagine they’ll resent her for that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 06:27 PM
3

Just a separation agreement that is relatively vague. Says we need permission to take kids out of Province and they well determine holidays together.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 06:06 PM
2

Lived mostly on separate floors. I spent a lot of time at movies, gym, pub with mates or just out walking the dog. Lots of nights alone in my room reading or playing on phone. Her Mom stayed for a few months so that was super fun. With the kids, we made it as if we were separated doing 50/50 already. One week they were my responsibility and the other they were hers. We still tried to come together on things like Thanksgiving and Christmas to show the kids there was still love and that everything…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 02:54 AM
1

Love this! I have a lot to be grateful for but still get these thoughts sometimes after almost a couple of years. That’s a good way to look at it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 09:27 PM
1

If sex is the only issue I’d say continue to work at it. Not worth throwing an otherwise good relationship away for. 3 times a month seems like you have something to work with at least. Would t call that a dead bedroom. Saying you want to “do what you want” though makes me think there are other things that are not so good or you just want to move on. After 20 years it’s worth trying to explore options to come to a solution. Might take a while.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 08:54 PM
6

Yes. Even if you are ready to move on or just have a little fun, divorce messes with your head. It took a little time for me. Certainly didn’t help that I drank and smoked a bit more in dealing with it all. Try not to rush it and feel comfortable. Eat, exercise and sleep well. And nothing wrong with getting a few pills to help you over the hump.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 02:10 AM
2

Thanks for that! Nice of you to say. I try to be a good Dad. Through this whole process you definitely question yourself though. I wasn’t sure if my thoughts were justified or whether I was blowing it out of proportion. As others have said though, sometimes you have to pick your battles. Not much I can say or do to change things. Just want to make sure my boys are doing ok.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 03:30 AM
6

Yeah. He’s 10 years older than my ex. If I was his age with grown up kids I don’t think I’d want to take on another 10 years of parenting again.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 11:23 PM
3

Oh, I e got no problem with them sleeping together. But that was actually my thoughts too. Was wondering why he’d want young kids in his life.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 11:04 PM
9

They’re good at getting in your head like that. Most interactions end up making me a little anxious even after more than a year apart.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 09:32 PM
2

Personally I wanted to date another parent rather than someone single. I find you’re just on the same page and can relate to things more. Everyone is different though for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 09:26 PM
5

To be fair, we’ve been separated over a year and doing the paperwork. My girlfriend is at the same stage and has a daughter who gets along great with me and my boys. This other guy is divorced himself and has older kids. So I am surprised he’d want to take on younger ones.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 07:01 PM
5

Yeah, a lot of times it seems like picking your battles. She’d dig her heels in and start having a go at me for something. I did let her know it was early and it could be awkward for the kids. The boys gradually learned of my new partner and didn’t meet until we’d been together 3 months. A brief meeting of less than an hour on neutral ground. Was another 2-3 months before she stayed over or anything like what she did.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 06:21 PM
3

Yep! In Canada you need to be separated for a year before you can even apply for divorce. I started dating a few months after separation. We were together from a young age and with each other over 20 years. Was very weird to date at first but gave me a little confidence and kept me occupied a bit. I split with somebody because she wanted something more serious and I just wasn’t ready. Turns out I just hadn’t found the right person. A couple of weeks later I met somebody and we clicked instantly.…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 06:01 AM
3

I hear ya. Kind of like that now. Just past a year separated and sick of thinking about it and what went/is going through her mind. Happy with just discussing kids if needed and that’s it. The longer we go without contact the less anxiety goes down. I’ve got good things in life so no point wasting energy on the past.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 02:00 AM
1

Sorry to hear that. It’s a tough time but it will pass.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 03:32 PM
1

Got two young boys and have been 50/50 since January. It definitely took a month or so to get used to. Even now there are some things but I’m grateful kids seem well adjusted. Say they miss me and are happy to be here. Try to give them space when away from your place. Maybe occasional text or something. Make sure they’re happy and try not questioning too much what happens when you’re not with them. It’s tough but enjoy the time with them. But also make sure to enjoy your time apart. It actually …
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 03:48 AM
5

I did it for 8 months. It’s brutal! Fortunately house was two levels so she mostly stayed downstairs. Best thing we did was make it like we were apart and dealing with kids was 50/50. Had our weeks on and weeks off. I spent a lot of time out at cinema, pub, with friends etc. Anything to get out of there. Lots of time in bedroom with door closed. It’s tough. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 04:58 PM
1

Totally! Not looking for an apology or anything like that. And can’t erase the memories. Just need to work on letting them come and dealing with it in a healthy way.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 07:55 PM
1

Bit late for that! Haha. Nah, don’t want to be with her or anything. Just would like to be able to process a couple of memories differently. Don’t think you ever completely forget. Spoken about it with counsellor. Some good tips here too.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 04:31 PM
1

Thank you for that. Nah. I guess everyone is different. I care how she is. She’s a good Mom and if she’s well then that’s great for our boys. Agree somewhat on emotionless interaction. I’m happy to live my life and the same for her. Just need to let go of a couple of things.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 05:48 AM
1

Great advice. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 11:58 PM
3

Nah. Money not an issue. Everything went smoothly there. No lawyers or any child support involved.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 10:48 PM
0

Would be nice to have both. Forgive might be the wrong word actually. I’ll never forget some things. Would be good to be able to let go because we do still have a long way to go parenting together.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 09:20 PM
1

Yeah, it’s all personal. I know people who have got in relationships quickly and still together after years. Also know others who had a rebound thing and it fizzled out. She’s a great part of my life at moment and I’m happy to see where it goes.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 03:17 PM
1

I’m sorry, man. Merry Christmas! I hope you’re well.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:57 AM
1

Had to wait to sell house. Rent in this city is same as mortgage basically. Couldn’t afford $4500 a month so it took time.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 06:34 PM
1

Totally! 7 months separated in same house house has been crazy. Both moving in January. Can’t wait.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 06:53 AM
1

Read other responses. We were apart about 6 months before I met somebody. 8 for her.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 06:34 AM
2

Because I do hope to remain on friendly terms as I think it would be best for the kids. Don’t hate her and was with her over 20 years for a reason. You’re right of course. She can do what she wants. I understand asking about her love life was a mistake and my reaction/anxiety to it is a little immature. Just hurt and I vented. That’s all.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/23 01:01 AM
1

I didn’t ask how the sex was. Haha. Just asked what happened. I don’t think her response was normal. Yes, she’s asked about things with my girlfriend. Never went explicit on her. Wouldn’t even do that with mates let alone ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 10:08 PM
2

That’s the thing that got me a think. Just how she looked me in the eyes and threw out those details. It was an attempt to hurt me. No, I’ve never said anything like that at all. She knows I have a girlfriend but never mentioned sex life. Anyway, she kind of lost it about few things yesterday. I’ve had enough and am limiting contact.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 02:33 PM
1

Absolutely was my mistake! We tried something different and it’s mostly been amicable but now move-out date is around corner things have come to a head. It’s not healthy. Time to move on and enjoy things I have. Will be limiting contact.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 06:25 AM
3

I am? Lol. I was just taken aback by her being blunt to be honest. My fault for asking. All good though. Feeling better about it now.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 02:46 AM
1

Great advice. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 01:28 AM
5

Not while paying my mortgage in this city as well. Bought a place and moving in January.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 12:48 AM
0

Married and separated.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 12:25 AM
7

Kids, finances, house market.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 11:33 PM
10

Honestly, after this amount of time I’m not hurt anymore. Looking forward to finally moving. We’re trying to coparent and do talk. Lesson learned not to ask details though!
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 10:15 PM
6

Lol. True! When I asked what happened I didn’t mean explicit details. Not even a college guy. Just 5 years younger and mid-30s. Nah, she says nothing serious will come out of it. I do know she’s done nothing wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 09:45 PM
1

She’s been great! Just listens, provides insight and possible solutions. Just like any good counsellor should. I don’t think it matters too much if they are male or female.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 07:31 PM
2

No, but I kind of wish I did. I’m only 4 months separated but really miss having a companion. I don’t want my ex back but definitely hope I find someone to share my life with in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 06:04 PM
5

Not manipulation. She can do what she wants and what she’s comfortable with.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 10:55 PM
1

Yeah. Can’t wait to get out. Hopefully just a few weeks. Now her brother is coming to stay with us as well!
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 03:40 PM
3

Not only that, but it was a guy at her gym that hit on her and got thoughts in her head I think. They aren’t really together but she talks to him because he gives her the “warm and fuzzies”. Wasn’t the only thing that was straw that broke camels back on a 21 year partnership with 2 young kids.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 06:19 PM
2

Was together with my ex for about the same amount of time. Cut yourself some slack. It’s very hard to disentangle yourself from her and the chemicals in your brain are almost the same as going through withdrawal. It will take some time. Feel all the feelings but try and get out and do some things you enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 12:49 AM
2

Don’t leave! My ex initiated the separation and pretty much wanted me to go rent while still being on the hook for the mortgage. Yeah, nah. Told her to go live downstairs while we get things organized.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 12:45 AM
1

Great advice. Thank you. I was considering that already. Just take the big stuff I need and buy new plates, cutlery, kids books etc. I’ll feel much better when in my own place. At the moment I feel like they’ve (ex and mother in law) have won because I’m so uncomfortable at home. I go out all the time or just stay in my room at this point. Hate feeling trapped in my own house.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 03:53 PM
2

I find gym, swimming and walking my dog helps. I vent to my counsellor and parents. Even with mates over a couple of beers (not getting drunk though). Allow yourself the time to grieve. I think it’s natural and healthy to experience all the feelings. Sometimes I find it useful to dedicate a specific time to thinking about her or mourn the loss of what was.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 07:40 PM
2

I am. She almost did exactly what my ex did. Has given some good insight into it actually.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 01:45 PM
4

I’ve recently met somebody that I’m really keen on. Was only separated in May. I think it’s up to the individual with what they’re comfortable with.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/23 01:28 AM
7

Argh. We told our kids about a month ago. I don’t think it’s necessary to go into great detail. Just say something like you’ve been together a long time and sometimes people grow apart and move in different directions. Make sure they feel loved and not at fault. Don’t talk down about your former partner.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 09:06 PM
3

You’re not alone. We were together 21 years and just signed the separation agreement last night. I want to rip it up. It would mean pretty much disowning my family and friends if we stayed together but I can’t say I wouldn’t think about it if she decided there was a chance. Last night my oldest boy was crying and upset about it all and it was heartbreaking. After settling him down to bed we held hands. She even stroked my face and said what a good caring father I was. It confused me because I co…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 11:27 AM
2

Thanks. Yeah, she’s always been a bit into that stuff but it’s gone into overdrive.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 02:24 AM
4

Yep. Mine actually was up front and told me this guy had hit on her and wanted to be her fwb. Wasn’t what ended our marriage but think it got her curious. I’ve done the same thing and snooped a little. She’s had a coffee with him since and apparently feels some love for him. He’s been ghosting her as far as I can tell. Maybe not into now it’s not “dangerous”.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 01:09 PM
7

Few months in with a very similar story. Feel free to message me if you need to vent. You got this!
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 01:46 AM
3

I’m worried about that. I thought our sex life was pretty good considering how long we were together. We knew what each other liked and were into each others little kinks etc. Seems like a lot of work to build that chemistry again.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 04:38 PM
1

When we first did couples counselling I was told that I didn’t deserve this and I’m easy to love. She wondered if she was a horrible person. A few months later I’m almost irrelevant I think. I believe she thinks it’s 99% my fault. I hate that I carry that guilt. I thought we just had regular marriage ups and downs and didn’t know she was so unhappy. I certainly could have been a better husband but believe there was a lot of good between us.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 04:36 PM
2

I’m sure there’ll be many more stages and misinterpretations!
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 12:05 AM
2

I think it was my post you responded to. My ex definitely had a crush in the background. Wasn’t the reason for her leaving but maybe gave her the thought grass could be greener. Turns out she didn’t cheat and that fizzled out pretty quickly. But anyway, that imagery of “she’s banging someone” isn’t nice but maybe some people do need to hear that. Just saying she’s moved on and it’s time you do to might be a nicer way to put it. I guess cheating is often the case but think women end things for a …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 06:01 AM
1

Well, it seems much closer to acceptance than a couple of months ago. Got my mortgage approval, changed my will, checking out open houses etc. I said separated because divorce is a year away I guess. Got to be separated for a while. I’m ok with the divorce word. I use it with my kids because they understand it better. Definitely hate some things she’s done and don’t want our family broken up like this. Sure, she’s changed, but she’s still someone I’ve spent half my life with and will continue to…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 05:23 AM
1

Meh. It’s over. Separation agreement is done and we’ll be in our own place pretty quick. Not looking to get her back or some upper hand or anything. Might look a little weaker and she might have gotten an ego boost. Not the end of the world.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 12:37 AM
1

Well I hope it’s not bullshit! It wasn’t bad enough that I’m off women altogether. Hope to meet someone down the track.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 07:19 PM
2

Sincere. There isn’t really any hatred or anything. I barely think I’m on her radar to be honest. Think she checked out a couple of years and is just focused on herself.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 05:31 PM
2

Nope. Can’t win her back and don’t want to. I was talking to her because we’ve known each other 21 years, are currently living together and have two children to raise together. We’re not particularly friendly but we’re trying to be as amicable as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 04:38 PM
4

I think mainly because I miss the bond of sharing thoughts and feelings with someone I have a deep connection with. She’s not that woman anymore. I’m moving on but sometimes it’s one step forward and then two steps back.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 03:27 PM
4

Definitely wasn’t! Took the opportunity to ask in a light hearted way.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 03:25 PM
2

Oh yeah. I would have done it for sure. We were joking around and it was our anniversary so offered a one-time deal. Don’t think it came across as desperate at the time but she’s probably thinking it was. I am actually in the acceptance stage. I’m sad for what is lost but don’t want her back. We’re too far down that path now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 03:24 PM
3

She hasn’t/isn’t banging anybody but I shouldn’t have said that. Was just a light-hearted moment and, well, it’s been a while! You’re right though, I’m annoyed I probably gave her an ego boost.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 02:18 PM
3

Haha. I have been rambling on here! I find it helpful though. Last night I was around her because, although it was a little awkward, I though it would be fun to see the neighbours. Kids were out there having fun. I wasn’t going to be the sad guy hiding in his room. Her parents aren’t here. I think her Mom is coming back next week. She’s actually been helping clean and prep the house a lot for sale. There isn’t much that can bite me in the ass at this point. We have a separation agreement written…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 02:10 PM
1

I just posted something similar. I find this really difficult as well. We were together 21 years (half my life) so really mias having somebody to talk to about everything. Jokes, memories, music, tv shows etc. Just not having that connection anymore hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 12:51 PM
1

I don’t hate her. I think she’s made a terrible mistake and will be feeling it for a while. She’s not the person I married but I see that person in glimpses. I think her anger is her being afraid sometimes. Will never admit it though. I hope she works things out so she can be a great Mom for our boys.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 12:48 AM
1

Plan some stuff to look forward to. I haven’t even left the house yet but already looking forward to a couple of trips during my weeks without kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 12:45 AM
8

Argh. I hear this. Wasted $1500 or so on couples counselling but she had already checked out. I’d read all the crap and try the “homework” but she wasn’t engaged at all. You’re not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/23 12:44 AM
1

Oh wow. That sounds really familiar. Today I actually found out who this other guy was. I believe they are over or ready. Think he wanted to use her for sex but she wasn’t ready. She’s way too stubborn to ever show regret I think!
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 09:02 PM
1

Yeah. Was just thinking I can’t even call her out on shit. Will just come back on me somehow.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 12:39 AM
2

Sows seeds of doubt I guess. Like any marriage we had some things to work on. A new crush probably made those problems seem bigger and suddenly she thinks grass is greener on the other side. I think she’s going to struggle to be honest. This guy proved he hits on married people already. Doubt he’ll be in the picture for long. But hey, maybe she’s the strong independent woman she think she is and is using him herself. You’re right, it’s a lot to throw away for that.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 08:50 PM
3

A friend simplified it for me. She needs to allocate some blame. Otherwise she’s just somebody who broke their family up over a crush.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 08:38 PM
1

Sorry, what do you mean?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 07:45 PM
9

Sounds kind of familiar. 21 years together for us. It would be our 17th wedding anniversary on Sunday. So difficult to lose who you thought was your life partner so quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 04:52 PM
7

Needed to hear that. Thanks. Talking to my counsellor I’m doing my very best to get through this with integrity and following my values. I hate that she still makes me doubt myself. I want to eventually be in my own place knowing I did the best I could in our marriage and even through the break up.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 04:47 PM
11

Bang on. Turns 40 in a few weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 02:59 PM
6

Yeah, I’ve spoken about that with family and friends. Just sucks. Obviously no way to change that opinion of hers so now I’m going to be the bad guy going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/23 02:54 PM
1

All we need a lawyer for at the moment is to check over our separation agreement. Can’t file for divorce in Canada for until a year after being separated.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 05:18 PM
1

Ha! That’s pretty accurate. Some debt concerned her and a guy at the gym hit on her (she had a date with him last Friday). He knew she was married with a family and wanted to be her friend with benefits. Yes, there were a lot of good years for sure. We had a different view of marriage. I thought we’d always work through the low times. She had checked out though and by the time we did couples counselling she wasn’t trying or being honest. She cast a lot of people aside over the years. I never tho…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 05:14 PM
1

Thank you. In her mind the bad obviously outweighed the good. I know I contributed a hell of a lot to the marriage though and made sacrifices (moved country, limited contact with friends and family she didn’t like etc). She admits that I’m a great Dad. I tried what I could to save it too but was too late. But you’re right. It’s sucks and forgiving yourself can be easier said than done.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 04:40 PM
1

Not really. Maybe a bit on the communication side. She has said it wasn’t any one thing but she seemed to have fun yelling at me in counselling. I’m sure I’m her mind it’s 90% my fault.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 04:23 PM
1

Great message. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 02:37 AM
2

Thank you! You sent this at a perfect time. Out with friends but distracted thinking about her in that sexual way. Obtrusive thoughts kind of.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 02:09 AM
2

I’m the first guy she was serious with so I get that this guy is tempting. She did float the idea of having an open relationship. I did think about it and consider it but it’s not for me. Can definitely imagine it could be traumatic if not your thing. I’m feeling a bit better about it all now to be honest. I don’t want to be with her so none of my business. If I let it get to me too much then that’s on me really. She’s not flaunting it at least and looks like I’ll be outta here in a month or so.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 09:47 PM
3

We just had a great meeting with realtor actually. Things finally gaining momentum. Looks like I could be out of there by early August.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 08:12 PM
3

About 10 weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 04:08 PM
2

Certainly being discreet around the kids. I can’t talk for her so much but I’ve just had couple of of dates. Mostly because I’m social, like the company of others and do need a little boost to my confidence. I haven’t dated for 22 years and just wanted to feel “normal”. On her side, I guess she has an infatuation with this guy. In Canada you have to be separated for a year before starting divorce process. I personally wouldn’t want to wait that long. Perhaps it would have been wiser to wait unti…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/23 03:08 PM
2

21 for me. I know how you feel. It’s difficult to not look back and think “what if I did this?”. But I think it’s never one thing. It’s a bunch of different things over the years that both partners contributed to.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 04:04 PM
2

Yep. Same thing with us. We’re going to put our house on market and move on. Will be stuck together for a few months still at least.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 02:52 PM
2

My wife initially wanted to come along. She thought it could be a good idea to tell them while on holiday so they can see we’ll still get along well and they’ll still be lived. Our kids are younger at 10 and 8. I thought it would be a bad idea. Firstly, we could both use the break apart. But also I didn’t want to ruin this place for them. I’m not sure how they’ll react either. I thought being in a safe place at home would be best and they could retreat to their rooms if they wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 02:41 PM
1

Nope. Was all paid for a few weeks before she confirmed she wanted to separate.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 12:05 PM
5

Yep. They were being all nice but I think they’re conniving. I mentioned my parents coming and basically dividing assets and they blew up at me. Saying “What the hell are you thinking? Those comments are totally inappropriate etc”. Trying to make me feel like the bad guy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 02:04 PM
1

Ha! Did look that up and I’m still not sure. That would open a whole can of worms so don’t think I’m willing to do that.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/23 06:13 AM
5

I’m only about 6 weeks into separation. Don’t get too down on yourself, man. Your emotions are valid too. At that moment of pain I’m sure you were being authentic and just putting yourself out there. I didn’t quite do that but did everything I thought I could do for our marriage. I would have found it hard to move on if I didn’t. I still haven’t moved on really but I know I gave my all. When it comes down to it, her mind wasn’t made up a week or even a month ago. It was done long before that. It…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 04:18 AM
8

Yeah, that’s what kind of made me post actually. Was having fun with a woman last night. We get along, chat is easy and fun etc. but just wasn’t feeling it physically. Wasn’t sure whether chemistry is not there or if I’m just hung up on my ex still.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/23 06:03 PM
1

Maybe I need to double check but I was told by my lawyer it doesn’t matter if he does the paperwork or some other lawyer. It’s simply a separation agreement that will be drawn up and signed by both of us. Doesn’t matter who organizes it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 03:00 PM
1

It would be surprising. She’s actively looking for a new job.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 02:03 PM
1

Yep. When separation agreement is done you state the date from which you’ve been apart.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 01:45 PM
2

It should just be a separation agreement we do ourselves and get checked over by a lawyer. Won’t be any alimony. We’ve already done therapy and she’s way too stubborn to backtrack and say she loves me. It’s more likely she’s just procrastinating.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 01:42 PM
2

Thanks! If it matters, I’m in Canada. You don’t actually file for divorce because you have to be separated for year first. It’s my understanding that at this stage it would just be a separation agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/23 07:54 AM
1

Really, she just doesn’t want to. I get it but also don’t want to be stuck in limbo. I also don’t really have a ton of spare cash to force her hand with lawyers. We did just speak and she agreed that she’d like to sell over summer. She can show decent income over a few years. With equity as well I’m hoping she’ll qualify for a mortgage.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 04:14 PM
1

Yes, we have two kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 03:26 PM
2

Thank you. I needed that. Sometimes things get to me. Seems to be something different every day. Today it is just not feeling the ring on my finger. And occasionally o pick up my phone to text her some random thing before realizing “oh yeah”.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 04:59 PM
2

Thank you so much. I needed to hear that right now.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/23 03:15 AM
1

Sounds almost exactly the same. Went from loving and tears and feeling guilty over it to yelling at me in a counselling session. We’re being civil at home but I’m eager to get out. Such a whirlwind over last 6 weeks or so.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 07:21 PM
4

Yeah, maybe. Weird that she’s getting so angry at me then. At this stage I just want to sell the house and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 01:23 PM
4

Meh. It’s kind of who I am. I’m the neater one at home. Weird if that would have built up resentment over 21 years.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:33 PM
6

I’ve asked a couple of times and she gets a bit offended. Says she isn’t and has never cheated. I do believe she has a new “friend” she’s talking to at least. But it doesn’t really matter. They don’t have “at fault” divorce where I am. That would almost be easier!
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 06:31 PM
9

Annoying that I missed some signs because she was so busy starting her business. I was running around doing housework and looking after kids thinking she needed that time. Apparently she had just checked out already.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 05:55 PM
4

That’s what I’m afraid of. And I just don’t want to get down in the gutter with her. It kills me that she thinks some of this stuff and would have been telling her friends for years. But she’s built a lot of this up in her mind and I can’t tel her what to think or change anything now.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 05:54 PM
3

Maybe. She definitely says she just wants to be alone now but who knows. Doesn’t really matter at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 05:10 PM
6

Ha! That’s exactly what I have planned in a couple of weeks. We have a regular family vacation but this time I’m just going to take the boys. It was already paid for. We’ll tell them about separation before then and we can have guys time where I can answer any questions.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 03:52 PM
3

I’m not sure. At our first counselling session she broke down in tears. Was saying how I’m easy to love and don’t deserve this so what is wrong with her. That’s done a 180 since then. Think her individual counselling brought up issues she had in the vault and now it’s all on me. I did say to her after session that this can’t be all my fault and she did agree.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 03:48 PM
3

To fair, a few of the things have come up over time but just didn’t think were an issue for years. She probably had checked out by then. So, yeah, kicking myself for perhaps not seeing signs. Guess it took that kick to the gut to realize and by then it’s too late. I could fix/change things but she’s already emotionally gone. But yes, will focus on myself and the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 02:36 PM
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