The new guy

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-07-20T08:42:05+00:00

"Look, I was in the same position as you. First, I think that your ex is not honourable at all if you two had a plan in place, and she broke it. You can't do anything about it now, so be the best dad you can be to them. Never lie to them, don't speak poorly of their mother in their presence, and explain what is happening in terms they will understand. It's a sad thing when a family breaks up, but it's just as wrong when one side doesn't or can't keep a promise. So, as I have said, love your kids and show them love and understanding. If you do that, they will grow up with good morals for life. My sons initially believed their mother that it was all my fault, but I was honest with them. Eventually, karma caught up with my ex in a big way, and the boys found out that their mother wasn't living up to their expectations, which hurt them. Their relationship with her is strained at best. So you see, it can turn out well; be the good, honest father they will look up to."

CommercialConcern828 · 2024-07-19T20:49:26+00:00

I actually would pity the new boyfriend.

Would never want to be the man that stepped up.

If I can get a younger, beautiful woman with no children baggage why would I complicate my life unnecessarily?

One4All992 · 2024-07-18T15:25:10+00:00

Here's the thing about the kind of women we married-- They are mentally and emotionally irresponsible. I divorced in April, ex had a new boyfriend before the ink dried and she just told me they plan on moving in, in a few months. My 8 year old sees how irresponsible it is to do what she's doing. Yet a 30 something year old grown up can't comprehend why or what is wrong with that?

Advice: it is what it is. Nothing can be done about it. It's her issue not yours. All you can do is be the best father possible to your kids.

Classic_Dill · 2024-07-17T13:49:52+00:00

So I have a lot of thoughts about this and I actually run a TikTok channel about dating after divorce, what she’s doing is completely stupid, naïve and ignorant. My kids all know they’re not gonna see one woman or meet one woman until I’ve been with her for at least a year and a half if not, two years. Women’s emotions run wild, that allows them to do stupid things that are really, not advisable, And then sleep over? That’s just frigging, dangerous in its own right. What she’s doing is not very intelligent, and it shows that she has a low character, best of luck, I would never in 1 million years have my kids meet somebody after one or two months of dating, that just shows the type of naïve behavior that gets people in trouble.

Here’s what I would advise you to do, be the better parent, be the more intelligent parent, proved your children that you’re the stronger parent by your intelligent actions, my exes pulled the same kind of crap, had a guy living with her in the same house as my 15-year-old daughter, Guess what now? They’re all starting to come back to my nest and tell me that they see that she stopped being a parent three years ago, just be the better person. Your wife sounds like her brains are not exactly her top priority or her kids for that matter, obviously your kids safety is not her priority.

thdespou · 2024-07-17T06:33:29+00:00

Ow boy. There is nothing you can do about your ex personal life. Focus on your boys and your relationship with them.

Jiujitsu_Dude · 2024-07-17T04:11:33+00:00

There’s only one thing you should concern yourself with, is he a good guy to your kids? If so it’s all good. He can have all the things and take them on trips and whatever he wants but he will never ever be their dad. You are, and they will always know that. So if he’s a good guy and treats them right then it’s great for both them and you, there’s no competition you are and always will be dad.

randomly421 · 2024-07-17T01:02:09+00:00

This is another one of those "worry about what you can control" answers. Other than sinking that fuckers boat, not much that can be done.

azwildcat74 · 2024-07-16T23:00:59+00:00

I’m going to be “that guy” for a minute but it’s not out of hate so I hope it doesn’t come across that way.

I have a similar set up, place on 5 acres with my own stocked pond, near the river, motorcycles, classic cars, good career etc etc. Anytime I bring women to my place it’s a guaranteed ticket to fucking them, like literally 100% success rate. I did it a lot when my divorce was fresh but I kept none of them around long-term. Frankly there’s no chance I would’ve played daddy to some other kids but that’s because I had options and never had to. If this guy was that great he wouldn’t be having to play dad to your kids, chances are that he won’t be doing it long, he’s just borrowing her hole for a bit.

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2024-07-16T21:24:48+00:00

I genuinely don’t see why people mix children with other adults(partners) and potentially their children. It may sound hypocritical but I don’t date single mothers. I don’t want to raise other children and I don’t want anyone raising mine. Not being harsh on anyone here these are my own personal views. It’s not that hard to stay on your own is it ? Until the children are grown up ? Or just date. Just always seems to make a big mess From what I have seen in general.

TenuousOgre · 2024-07-16T21:10:50+00:00

Long term, the parenting you do, spending time with them, showing them things, giving them experiences where they learn things and get pushed to know who they are, will trump money. Just be their best Dad when you have them. They will become better men because of it.

BlackSun56 · 2024-07-16T20:15:52+00:00

This part is always hard man. For me, it wasn’t her being with another guy, it was my kids being exposed to another guy that I had zero control over. That’s why I tried to get a “6 months of dating someone before the kids are introduced” into the separation agreement, which was laughed at and not agreed to.

I was blindsided with divorce papers by my ex, and started dating very quickly, like within a few weeks (honestly it was kind of a “fuck you” to my ex), but I ended up meeting someone really great. I waited 8 months to introduce her to my three kids (and I told my ex before the meeting happened, the day of) because I wanted to be sure my gf and I were on solid footing before introducing the kids to a new person so soon after the divorce. We are still together after almost three years, we live together, and it gets better everyday… we’ve had our bumps but for the most part it’s pretty great.

A few weeks after my kids meeting my gf, my ex pulls in the driveway to drop something off for the kids and she has a guy with her who is driving her car, who she then introduces to the kids in my driveway as her new boyfriend right in front of me. They had been together two weeks max.

Passive aggressive much? I was so pissed. I had kept the best interests of my kids in mind, and here she was dragging her tinder hookup to my house to throw it in everyone’s face that she had a new dude too… and I was like “who the fuck is this guy? Is this a tinder fuck that you expect is now going to be around my kids all the time?” And she was like… “there is no official plan, they won’t see him often”. Yeah right… they were sleeping over at his house within the end of the week, on Halloween night.

Turns out he’s a cop in a neighboring town, has two kids from two different women, blah blah blah. Once I knew the guy was a normal dude and not a pedo I was kind of okay with it… but yeah, it’s a hard thing to face that at times, they will be under the roof of some guy you barely know. It sucks.

Sam_N_Emmy · 2024-07-16T19:54:06+00:00

My advice is coming from someone who is a dad and stepdad. No matter what else goes on in your kids life, they will always love you and know you are their dad. I currently have a 10YO stepdaughter that loves me to death. Her BD is abusive and generally leaves her disappointed and in tears. She cries on my shoulder and I help her through her problems. No matter how great I try to be and how crappy he is to her, she still loves him and puts him on a pedestal. It’s a crappy comparison but kids love their parents. Your kids will always know who their dad is no matter what.

This_Train340i · 2024-07-16T18:58:27+00:00

It's crazy how many men are out there desperate to simp for a woman with kids. You can't trust a single thing your ex says, in fact it is better to assume the opposite is true. That will help you deal with it better when the lie manifests itself into reality.

JTKTTU82 · 2024-07-16T18:54:47+00:00

We all need to vent. And have a sympathetic ear, willing to hear. I’d suggest letting it go. Your kids should know who their “real” dad is. Be that guy, loving your kids, making them a priority and doing the fun “dad” things good dad’s do. Play catch, toss footballs, fly kites, go to the library, find low cost things to do that proves you are “their” dad. I DGAF what $ this dude has. He’ll never be you.

CulturedGentleman921 · 2024-07-16T18:21:02+00:00

Tell that guy

"Thanks for taking this old battleaxe off my hands!"

And then laugh and laugh!

vladsuntzu · 2024-07-16T18:16:49+00:00

I’d put your ex on the spot and get an explanation as to why she introduced her guy to the boys sooner than what you two agreed upon. Now, did you introduce your new woman to the boys sooner than the agreed upon time? If so, your wife will claim the moral high ground. If not, use this as an example to your wife and claim the moral high ground for yourself. Is your ex someone that does what she feels like, whenever she feels like, with the attitude of “I’ll do what I want and nobody will tell me otherwise”? If this is the case, you need to start documenting things like this.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2024-07-16T17:30:26+00:00

Yep, what that guy said. Time trumps money all day.

0neMinute · 2024-07-16T16:59:09+00:00

Remember your their father and fun things can be more then shiny toys. Do low cost cool things like camping, hiking, movie nights etc. memories win out on effection not money.

Title	The new guy
Author	catter3423
Upvotes	27
Comments	32
Date	July 16, 2024 4:45 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1e4tgij/the_new_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-new-guy.1524463 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524463

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