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TheDameWithoutASmile Archive

View 2 posts and 244 comments by TheDameWithoutASmile on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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25

I thought this was about a professor at my alma mater for a minute. He was involved in a similar sort of thing, as his specialty was pederasty. Despicable misogynist too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/22 02:11 PM
26

It's amazing how he thinks objectifying a woman and supporting her objectification is the same as being supportive of sex workers. It's like saying, "I have nothing against prostitutes! I beat them up all the time, which just goes to show I support them."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 11:28 PM
24

When I became pregnant, I joined some groups to ask questions, learn, etc. The number of women who post about their husbands/bf's not just being neutral, but actively terrible to them, while they're pregnant is staggering. Women who: Were still doing 95%-100% of the work taking care of the children they already had Women who didn't so much as get a Mother's Day card because their SOs couldn't be bothered Women who had to re-home their beloved cats because their man wouldn't do the catbox for the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 11:14 PM
289

This is literally a case of a woman prioritizing a man's feelings over her own life and safety. She legitimately doesn't "want to shame him" and is putting her life in danger to avoid that. I can't. And he's "ashamed" but keeps doing it? Makes jokes about it? No. He says he's ashamed so she'll feel bad and stay with him. Or he really is, but that will not stop him from murdering her one day. Either way, I really hope this is fake, because otherwise she is going to be on the news one day as a vic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 01:03 PM
24

I really need to read this book. I see it recommended everywhere. But yes, my ex was just... really good at it. He always complained that I wasn't communicative enough, I wouldn't open up, etc. I would try, then he'd get mad at what I said while I was being honest. Or he'd complain about something I couldn't do anything about, and I would ask him for what he wanted me to do about it, a solution, and he said he didn't know, he was just communicating his frustration. Also his mental problems meant…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 06:03 PM
59

This may be iffy, but someone who is well-versed in psychological talk. It may be a guy who went to therapy and got help for his issues, but I've also seen - and had it used against me - as a way of justifying the manipulation. Ex: "You don't communicate with me. I feel shut out. Sex is important to me, and I don't feel loved and appreciated when you say no, I feel rejected."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:02 PM
22

And the "karma" comment... meaning he knows he mistreated women, but now it's his "property" that may be mistreated. So gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 11:08 PM
5

My LVX and I were together for 5 years. He asked my parents for their blessing, described the ring he was going to give me, helped me with a guest list. We broke up and it came up and he told me I should have known he "wasn't the marrying type".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 07:25 AM
2

That is true. I was referencing where the OP said she didn't know how the letters were legal. It is a fine legal line. I imagine it's similar to hiring questions. People assume it's illegal to ask about, say, reproductive plans in a job interview, but it's actually only illegal to base hiring decisions off of the answer. Obviously most companies have policies against even asking, because it introduces the potential for a lawsuit. That said, I don't agree that the only reason to reject an offer w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 02:48 AM
26

I found my first home, and the homeowner asked about kids. At the time, I was not planning on having any and said so. She asked again, "None? Really?". I was kind of uncomfortable and kept repeating no, no kids. They originally went with another offer - which fell through - and I was the back-up offer. There was a lot of weirdness around it and I kind of wondered if the no kids was why. But it can be done. I actually can see why the letters are legal. Selling a home can be emotional. I have frie…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 08:57 AM
1

Hence why I said it's not to be entered into blindly - women do need to be aware of the possibilities. But presenting some things as absolutes (like losing teeth, even though that's not something that's even very likely to happen, unlike stretch marks or weight gain) or things that might happen without contextualizing the odds is skewing toward fear-mongering. I fully support women who want to remain childfree and those who want kids, and I absolutely agree to vet, and never, ever have a kid wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 04:02 AM
-3

I had HG and still didn't lose teeth, despite literally vomiting 15+ times a day. I also didn't gain a shoe size. I appreciate being realistic about childbirth and its changes - it's not something to enter into lightly or blind - but let's not go too far into fear-mongering either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 12:03 AM
24

There's an old saying "one tooth for every baby". That said, it's not guaranteed. I cooked mine and still have all my teeth! As for hair loss, some women lose hair, but most will go to the same amount they had before. Basically your body puts a halt on the shedding phase during pregnancy, so you get beautiful thick hair, then after baby, your body presses play again and you lose all the new growth plus some. At 6 months to a year postpartum, most women stabilize and are back to where they starte…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 11:58 PM
5

Can you explain your reasoning here? Under the Nordic model, SW do not have a record with police, as supplying is decriminalized, but buying is illegal. So if a SW and a john are caught, the SW would not be prosecuted, but the john would.* Decriminalizing altogether tends to lead to higher trafficking because the demand outpaces the supply, meaning traffickers fill the void with exploited women and children, according to many studies. *One of the criticisms of the Nordic model is that SW are sti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 09:30 AM
7

No one told me that bit. I knew they could change after birth, but I didn't expect before then. It's so frustrating to have them start, then sort of stall out before they get anywhere. I still want to have sex with my boyfriend, but it's not as satisfying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 09:03 AM
9

I miss my 10/10 orgasms! Mine started going from toes-curling to "eh, okay" as I got more pregnant, and apparently that's a thing. I'm hoping they come back after everything goes back to normal!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 08:36 AM
13

The entire idea behind negotiating is that both parties have something to give and want something in return. In this case, she didn't want anything, so why the hell should she negotiate? I see this all the time with men saying, "If you won't do X, then how about Y?". No. The whole point id I owe you NOTHING, so you can't negotiate with me to get what you want. They always assume women automatically owe them something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 08:19 AM
6

Also a reminder that there is currently no test for HPV for men. Talk to your doctor about getting vaccinated, if you aren't already!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 01:38 PM
11

Query - should you block out the name of the subreddit in the image?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 12:22 PM
81

Adding: Lifelong financial anxiety If your children do grow up to lift themselves out of poverty, they will need to spend money fixing things later in life (e.g. braces at 30, because they weren't able to afford them as a kid)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 12:46 PM
2

Do what's right for you! If that's CF, cool. If it's solo with a village of awesome support people, awesome. But I'd make sure that it's something YOU want and YOU can do alone, because you just never know with a partner. Happiness doesn't come from having kids or not having kids, it comes from making the choice that's right for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 02:01 AM
3

It might be, but certainly not true in my case. My mom had relatively easy pregnancies, and definitely no HG - for all four of us. In fact, pretty much all the women in my family had easy pregnancies, even my great-grandmother, who had twins back in the 50s. And yup. Each pregnancy is different. Even if you have HG, it's 50/50 whether you'll have it with the next one. That said, that's way too high a chance for me. I am never going through this again. As soon as I possibly can, I'm getting eithe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 03:52 PM
35

Even if they haven't, I guarantee their daughters know something feels wrong and their own father makes them feel uncomfortable and unsafe in their own homes and families. It's why I don't care if a pedophile or someone into incest "acts on their urges" or not. They are doing harm regardless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 11:19 AM
31

This is tangential, but so important: moms do not have to live with incontinence. No, really. People treat it as a given, but there are pelvic floor therapists that your insurance may cover, and it's generally agreed that while short-term incontinence after birth is expected, long-term/permanent incontinence, while common, isn't normal. It can be fixed. And no, just "do kegels" isn't the same as PT. So just a PSA there. As for the rest... yes. I've been in and out of the hospital for HG, my hips…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 10:54 AM
3

I'm still salty that I wanted to celebrate getting my Master's and my ex just... never planned one for me, despite promising to do so and it being the one thing I asked for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 02:50 AM
22

My dad once made a comment that, "These women nag and nag their husbands, then they're surprised when he turns around and hits them." Amongst other things. Like how guys catcalling is just "boys will be boys". When I told him about a guy following me yelling me to suck his dick, my dad blamed women for "wanting to be as raunchy as the guys", so really, it's women's fault that men say terrible things. He's also a conservative who thinks people don't take responsibility for their own actions. The …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 07:53 AM
12

I got downvoted for saying happy birthday on a post about a guy who shares his birthday with his baby niece. Like... why? Who hurt you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 07:01 AM
7

Okay, I looked this up because something didn't sound right... and apparently in most states, most judges will not make a step-parent responsible for their spouse's child support. And child support payments remain based on just the parent's income, not the combined income of step- and parent. So dude probably lied to her to make it seem like he wanted to get married, but it was really for her benefit that they didn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 06:47 AM
22

I actually saw a post where a guy said that if a new dad isn't gaining a little weight/not as fit, it means that they're not doing enough childcare. It really struck me, because women are expected to lose the baby weight immediately AND do all the childcare, and here was someone saying, "Yeah, until the kid is older, some things are going to slip, and that's normal." Granted, he was saying dads, but why can't we say the same for moms?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 06:00 AM
21

I don't know specifically, but it's my understanding that if she tries to divorce him, her family/the cult may ostracize her. She barely has any education, no work experience, and 6 kids with one on the way. She's probably surviving now solely because of the family supporting her. It's a very, very old tactic to control women. Give them no options but to rely on their abusers, and voila, they'll never leave. Ideally, this family and people who support this cult would ostracise the child abuser i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 05:15 AM
25

Let me try to explain. It's flipping the script on anti-abortionist types. In their minds, women are solely responsible for getting pregnant and must bear all the responsibility, despite men's sperm being, you know, half the reason women get pregnant (it takes two to tango). This is kind of what it would look like if men's bodies were policed as much as women's. Hence instead of "life begins at conception" = "life begins at erection".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 03:56 AM
579

Relevant quotes from the full study: "Research suggests that women may set the bar for satisfactory sex quite low - specifically, the absence of pain and degradation rather than the presence of pleasure and orgasm." [Regarding men being more likely to engage in manual clitoral stimulation and oral sex when in a relationship, while fellatio was prevalent among hook-ups and relationships] "According to the authors, these findings suggest the orgasm gap is larger in casual sex because women are les…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 05:48 PM
29

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/338461556_Orgasm_Equality_Scientific_Findings_and_Societal_Implications The one you linked is behind a paywall, but I think you can access the full study through here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 05:38 PM
21

It's funny how every person I've seen saying it's "enriching" or okay for children are pedophiles, and yet I have never seen an actual CSA survivor say they found it to be so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 03:54 PM
14

This reminds me of the doctor who suggested women who suffered from morning sickness needed to give their partners more blowjobs because sperm would magically cure it. He was a psychologist, not a medical doctor. But the press ran with it. Only one source actually mentioned the dude had 0 credentials relevant to his "theory" and had pulled it out of his ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 03:50 PM
46

I read an interesting article on breastfeeding that talked about the unequal biological factor exacerbates gender roles. Basically, if mom is bf, then she's pretty much solely responsible for the baby every feeding. So then, naturally, she's spent more time with the baby and knows it better, so even when it's not hungry or breastfeeding, of course the mom would know how to soothe it better... and so on, creating this perpetual idea of women being "better caretakers" when really, it's more just p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 03:03 AM
11

I agree with you that it's medically unnecessary and is ethically problematic to do without consent, but I do have to correct you on one point, in that I have met many circumcised men who did not need a deathgrip to get off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 09:14 PM
52

Yeah, this always bothered me. Male circumcision, if you want to make a case that it's practicing body modification and elective surgery on someone too young to consent, yes, okay. I honestly consider it more on par with whether or not to pierce a baby's ears. But to compare it to FGM is abhorrent. FGM at the minimum takes away a girl's sexual pleasure for life (male circumcision MAY mildly affect perception of sexual pleasure, but men still are capable of receiving pleasure and enjoying sex), a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 05:09 PM
65

Especially annoying since the entire "alpha wolf" theory was debunked, yet LVM latched onto it because it makes them feel better without having to actually do anything. ETA: https://www.businessinsider.com/no-such-thing-alpha-male-2016-10 For those curious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 04:14 PM
7

My brother. He is married to the sweetest person, and they have four kids together. He always has taken care of them, goes to all their games, and takes time to learn their interests - both the boys and girls - even when sometimes he admits he doesn't get it, he still supports them. He and his wife hit a rough patch recently due to a lot of stress taking care of an elderly relative, some financial difficulties, etc. and he immediately stepped up and did counseling with her and has been making an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 01:04 PM
42

It's also the name on my degrees, and the name I established my career under. It's my identity. Changing my last name feels too much like an attempr to erase my existence as a fully-formed person into "wife". No thank you. If it bothers a guy, that's a good sign to me that he feels entitled to own me, even my name. Nope!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 12:14 PM
9

My kid has the hyphenated name, my surname first, then the father's. Logistically not having the same surname as your kid can be a headache, especially when they're young and teachers think you're trying to steal a kid or something, so it was easier to just give her both.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 12:13 PM
22

I think vetting and being crystal clear on what you will/won't do is important. I am not giving up my career. I will never be a SAHM. I am not going to breastfeed very long, both for personal reasons, and because it is an inherently unequal burden. My partner is going to be a SAHD, unless he finds a better job that will offset the (crazy expensive) cost of daycare. He has a hobby he does every week, and I will happily do sole caretaking those nights, and in return, he's going to take over so I g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 12:04 PM
47

Everyone else is right, please don't blame yourself, and don't regret reporting him. Also, the person saying you're "hard to read": if you were into someone, and they were hard to read, would you (a) ask if they're into you, or (b) corner them, grab them, and assault them? I'm guessing it's A. So why on earth would anyone think that was a defense against B unless they are protecting a rapist? Whenever I start thinking, "Well, maybe he/she didn't [mean to/understand/know]", I ask myself what I wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 08:58 AM
25

I'm pregnant now and showed the comment to my bf and told him that if he ever did that, he would never get off again, because he'd be missing a vital part of his anatomy (he wouldn't to begin with, I was just teasing him), and he made a comment about they recommend not having sex after your water breaks and he always wondered why people needed to be told that. Apparently because twisted people like this guy would try, ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 08:35 PM
9

This was in the comment section of a popular entertainment/journalism website. I don't feel comfortable naming it due to brigading rules, but it's a major website.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 03:15 PM
50

I just don't buy it was even that. Moaning while in pain vs moaning in pleasure just don't even sound the same, particularly if you've been with someone long enough to know what they sound like. I absolutely believe he knew she was in pain, his subconscious even knew, and he got off on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 03:13 PM
51

*Women, not girls Agreed. Labor and pregnancy is always shown in this romanticized light that's very weird to me. No mention of having to deliver the afterbirth, no pooping on the table, hair and make-up is perfectly done and stays on through labor... I watched a show once where the character was 9 months pregnant and wearing four-inch cute wedges. I hadn't even been pregnant yet and I was howling with laughter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 01:42 PM
158

The actual article was bad (a lot of husbands complaining they hurt/were tired/hungry while their wives were in labor) but I really couldn't stop my jaw from dropping when I got to this comment. And omg. That is so sick, I don't even know what to say.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 01:30 PM
79

For me, he'd be packing his bags. I would never, ever be able to feel safe around someone who did this. Moans of pain and moans of pleasure don't even sound the same. He knew she was in pain, and rather than any instinct to care for her and take care of her, he thought about getting off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 01:21 PM
332

I'm honestly horrified. He's getting off to her moaning in pain. That's some straight-up sociopathic behavior. I'm so disturbed that she doesn't think this was a problem and treats this like a cute anecdote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 12:54 PM
19

It can even start before birth. I had/have terrible HG and it was especially bad first trimester. I threw up 10x or more a day. Moving would make me so sick I would start heaving. I couldn't keep anything, even fluids, down so half the time I was just throwing up bile or stomach acid. My guy cleaned because I couldn't. He fed and took care of the animals. He made food and tried to find things I could keep down. He brought me my medications, tried to coax me to drink more fluids so I wouldn't end…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 02:00 AM
8

Exercise! Exercising during pregnancy is great, but being in good shape beforehand can prevent a lot of problems. Mine was unplanned, so I didn't get a chance to take my own advice, but I hope it helps you. Best of luck!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 06:54 AM
41

Ah, I raise you an undergrad in philosophy. Grad students in philosophy? Wonderful. Amazing. Chill. Undergrads in philosophy? Insufferable. Will not shut up. Think they've unlocked the universe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 11:13 PM
38

My aunts all cooed and fawned over my ex when he brought a dish to Thanksgiving. He was confused and I had to explain to him that not ONE male relative ever dreamed of cooking or cleaning up. I'm torn. I hate dumping additional work on my female relatives, but I also don't like perpetuating an unfair system. Until my female relatives actually buy into my revolution, the best I can do is have my bf and me model equality for our daughter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 08:33 PM
262

This is exactly it. The world is built on women's unpaid labor - supporting men's careers by taking care of homes (grocery shopping, housework, organizing schedules, maintenance, etc.), children, elders, and even their communities. On a much smaller scale, I noticed that when we had family get-togethers, the women would cook, we'd all eat, then the men would lean back and talk while my grandma/aunts/mom cleaned. I thought it was unfair at like, 12, and opted out. The anger from the men - my dad …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 04:15 PM
332

"Why should she?" BECAUSE SHE'S THE ONE HAVING THE BABY, YOU MORON. I can't. I really can't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 03:06 AM
12

Found it!: https://youtu.be/F8FurMNBnPU Also, that woman is SO STYLISH.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 01:42 AM
22

Makes me think of that video where a woman shaved her head completely from a full look, and surprised her husband with it. His reaction? He legit was acting like it was their wedding day, covering his mouth, and telling her she looked like a supermodel. It was really sweet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 01:40 AM
187

He's a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend, so thankfully I very rarely run into him anymore. And the chain of friends in between actually grew up and realized his whole edgelord schtick is a lot less funny in a nearly 40-year-old than it was when they were 17.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 11:36 PM
1362

Favorite convo: My friend and I were discussing feminism and having a lively conversation. Both of us were mildly tipsy at a party. An acquaintance - well-known for saying inflammatory things just to get attention - pipes up, "If men and women are equal, then I should be able to punch women!". I was younger then and my anger immediately rose. I opened my mouth to say something when my drunk friend looks at him without missing a beat and says, "Ssh, the adults are talking," and goes back to our c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 11:31 PM
5

You're awesome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 11:21 PM
31

Reminds me of my NVX's tactic, which was kind of ingenious in a really screwed up way. He proposed - sorta - but didn't have a ring. Said he was saving up for one. I sent him many links to the type of rings I like. I don't like diamonds, so these rings were actually really reasonable, because hello mark-up on the diamond industry. He tells me he wants to get me a specific kind, which sounded hideous. I told him gently, and repeatedly, that wasn't my style, I don't like that material, here's what…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 11:05 PM
13

Tangential, but I am so done with the assumption - no, the expectation, that if there's a SAHP, it will be the mom. I'm 29 weeks pregnant and it's insidious. It's everywhere. I went to buy baby books and found one that was meant to help kids know it's okay if their parent leaves for work. Who has to go to work? The dad. I'm a member of some anti-MLM groups. Who do MLMs market to? Moms, of course! Because they're at home watching the kids and need WFH jobs! People sharing stories of how even thou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 10:52 PM
2

I actually love cleaning videos (I don't know, it's just very satisfying for me). Then I read the captions. What? No, really, what? How can you possibly be this desperate?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 08:19 AM
4

I want a c-section, but my insurance will only pay if there's a medical reason. Just me saying, "Vaginal childbirth terrifies me" apparently doesn't count.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 05:19 PM
44

I am so sorry. I'm glad that you have a career and friends (furry and otherwise) to help fill your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 09:48 PM
7

Somehow him not touching himself (if that were true, which I doubt) is worse? Like, okay, literally that's just mindless entertainment to you? It doesn't even give you any reaction anymore? How is that better?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 09:14 PM
6

This is my first (and last!) time being pregnant, but I've heard so many horror stories from other women. I do NOT like being touched unless I explicitly say it's okay, so I'm hoping the general "no touchy" vibe lasts at least through my due date. Actually, I hope it lasts a lot longer than that. It's been a long while since a guy touched my waist while moving past me, and I am a big fan of this development!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 05:27 PM
102

A guy who sees you as a consolation prize will act like you owe them, because they "settled" for you. They won't go out of their way to do nice things for you, take you on dates, or buy you gifts, because they feel like they've already done you a huge favor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 05:14 PM
17

My great-grandma proudly told us she had "young men" hitting on her when she was in her 80s. My mom and I were like, "...???" And she said, "They're in their sixties!" So apparently my great-grandma, at 83, hadn't hit this "wall" if men young enough to be her sons were hitting on her lol!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 04:47 PM
4

I remember reading a story on Ask A Manager about a boss who peed in the office kitchen sink, and the general consensus was that he must have had early onset dementia or another type of major illness (brain tumor, etc). The fact this guy doesn't see this as a problem is a major warning sign.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 04:35 PM
11

I'm 6 months pregnant and just now starting to show, so I'm not sure yet, but hoping it discourages strangers from touching my stomach!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 04:20 PM
22

I dated a guy with a verifiable medical reason why he occasionally couldn't. But he literally had to take injections for his condition, which is kind of hard to fake. If you get vague reasons without any concrete diagnosis or "I'm self-diagnosed", then I'd be HIGHLY suspicious. Also, dude I dated went to a doctor to talk about options and actively worked on fixing it. If the guy thinks he has a medical problem but doesn't do anything, then ... well. You have your answer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 04:04 PM
3

Oooh, my bad, I misunderstood. I thought you were saying, "This wouldn't have surprised me from this if it were [Texas Christian school], but I expected better from [other school]." In that case, still awful, and yet, really not surprising. I'd highly encourage you to call the school and maybe alert a news source... this is not okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 03:57 PM
5

I think she's saying it's NOT a Christian school in Texas, that's why it surprised her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 03:06 PM
48

Most likely wouldn't be a chain, but a fancy steakhouse might count? There's a place nearby that's $50-$80 for a steak, plus wine, dessert, etc. so you'd be looking at $200-300 a meal. I'd consider that upper middle class. It's something a doctor could afford on the regular, but something a middle class family would only be able to do once in a while.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 02:16 PM
4

5'8" here and I love wearing heels to tower over people. My favorite classmate in college was 6'1" and someone asked her if she was sad she couldn't wear heels. She laughed and was like. "WTF, I wear heels all the time, I love being an Amazon". Absolute hero. I wish I were even taller, frankly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 01:43 AM
3

This. Look at the language she uses: she wants to communicate. She doesn't want to invalidate his feelings. Etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 02:33 AM
6

Pap smears are super important, but check with your doctor. The recommendations apparently changed (according to my OB-GYN) to every three years, as opposed to every year. She did say many women still prefer yearly to be safe, but that's up to you. Get tested for STDs regularly, not just between relationships. I go every six months (my insurance will cover) regardless. I'm in an exclusive, monogamous relationship, but if he ever cheats and gives me an STD, I want to know ASAP. I trusted my ex co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 02:29 AM
23

I'm a librarian - also a traditionally female-dominated field, though the director positions are usually male HMM - and I steered away from public librarianship, even though that was my passion, because of this. Even non-children's librarians are expected to be caretakers, work for laughable pay, and buy materials out of their own pockets. You nailed it. It's "for the kids". How do you argue against that? You're a monster or "not a team player" if you try. I've even noticed this in my current ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 01:58 AM
26

Exactly. Is he saying it's different than being a prostitute because he doesn't plan on paying her or compensating her in any way? What a lucky deal for him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 12:29 AM
3

Same. It's actually great bonding time, too! Throw on some music, chop veggies, talk while waiting on food to cook... When I was too sick to help cook, I missed that time with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 05:31 AM
3

I wear a 32J and run (well... ran. Preggo now). I double up with an acceptable sports bra (Bare Necessities has some good brands in weird sizes) and tanks with built-in bras. Not just the strip of fabric either, but actual built-in bras. It seems to help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 04:48 AM
6

Didn't Kurt Cobain also deliberately stop a set in the middle to publicly call out a guy for harassing a woman in the audience? Yup, found it! https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/kurt-cobain-sexual-assault-nirvana-concert/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 04:43 AM
3

That kinda makes me laugh, ngl. Because I think in real life, nah, most people aren't going to put up with this. He thinks because a bunch of Reddit guys say it's "welcomed", that's going to translate to real life lol. Meanwhile real women are like, "Uh, no thank you!".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 04:31 AM
8

Congratulations! Getting a PhD is a huge accomplishment, and you deserve to take yourself out for a magnificent meal!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 12:35 AM
16

It amazes me how many stories I read that boil down to:: "My husband/bf is doing this thing I hate. I told him multiple times to stop but he wouldn't. I finally left him and he said he would have stopped if I had told him." It's funny how these guys suddenly start understanding when there are consequences attached to their actions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 08:26 AM
81

Where do they get this nonsense? No, the hell we're not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 06:09 AM
16

"Women get sicker, but men die quicker." I wonder if women would get sick as much if medical science bothered to research our issues and listen to us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 04:25 AM
19

I can't read the article for some reason but... yeah. Buzzfeed ran an article a while ago about sb's talking about their experiences, and all of them were 100% positive and glowing. I was highly suspicious. When 0 of the testimonials said, "Yeah, I regretted doing this"? Hmmm....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 11:52 PM
16

I'm... so suspicious of this. My NVX always unloaded the groceries for me. Always. At first I thought it was really sweet... then as the years went by, it turned out he was just really good at doing the little, unconsequential things so that I would overlook the big things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 11:24 PM
6

Interesting question I'm torn. With my nvx, it was almost not at all. I dreaded it, even though he was enthusiastic about wanting to eat me out and get me off (solely for his own ego boost, but whatever). After him, hell yeah. I loved sex. I craved it. But I also sometimes think it's all twisted. The article mentioned women prioritizing men's pleasure, but it can supplant women's pleasure. I was so frustrated of my ex accusing me of not enjoying sex that it got all mixed up in my head what I wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 11:06 PM
4

I love your way of thinking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 10:45 PM
1

My bf washed my bras snd dried them once. Fair enough, he doesn't know, I'll give him that. I told him that bras are only handwash and air dry and he apologized and now sets them aside when he does laundry. Honest mistake, never repeated. I do not get women who put up with this shit. Especially the baby. Like, seriously? You're okay doing a crappy job putting a diaper on your kid to get out of doing work?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 10:44 PM
19

Also, look into it and talk options. I never even looked at houses because no way could I come up with a down payment. But a friend who was a real estate agent helped me look at options and told me about the first-time homeowners loan where you don't need the traditional 10% down payment. At 25, I bought my own house. I had a roommate just for comfort's sake, but it's in my name, and I love it. And trust me, I was not making a lot then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 08:25 PM
29

Yeah, that anecdote in particular had me raising my eyebrows in skepticism. I don't know the true story, but my guess is that it was, "Hey, we're talking about women being sexually assaulted, not men" and the banned woman interpreted it as, "They think men can't be sexually assaulted!". The journalist really should have asked for receipts on that one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:28 PM
1

Huh! I'll talk to my gyno. Thanks for the tip!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 04:49 AM
1

Really? Even at 32? My gyno asked if I had had it and when I said no, she didn't say anything about me getting it. Will it do any good at this point?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 04:29 AM
14

But... doing sex work is eMpOwErInG! And yet, all these people are congratulating this guy for breaking up with someone for having an OF. Hmm...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 02:06 AM
2

I'm so frustrated by the HPV vaccine. It came out when I was about 16 and not sexually active yet. I asked my dr about it and she dismissed me and said it wasn't that useful and she didn't recommend it. My mom and I didn't know better, so we accepted it. Years later, my gynos were appalled I hadn't got it, and now I've (a) almost certainly been exposed, and (b) am over the age recommendation. This is beside the point, but it just makes me so angry at that doctor. I have to live with a higher ris…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 01:09 AM
2

With my ex, very rarely, and only from oral. He jackhammered for PIV and was way too rough with his fingers, despite me telling him all the time to be gentle. With current guy, 90% of the time? Sometimes I'm just not feeling it and don't even want to try. Like, the sex is good, but an orgasm just feels like too much work. And it was lower at first while he figured out what worked for me, but he picked it up fast. For hook-ups back in some darker days, 0% of the time. They didn't even bother tryi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 12:30 AM
2

National Pet Bird Day is September 17, if that counts?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 10:34 PM
8

Wait, is this saying boys and girls have different minimum ages to marry? I can't fully articulate why that's so wrong, but it really is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 10:32 PM
7

Oooh, that's absolutely a dude pretending to be a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 10:28 PM
2

If I were her, I would have cheerfully divorced him. Courts tend to like it when dads pay their full half for their kids... even if they are "protective" of their earnings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 10:08 PM
3

This sounds so much like my ex it hurts. Got frustrated with talking to service people, so I would do it. Told me I was just so much better at cooking and meal planning, so I would do it. Had me look over every email/work document (when he had a job) because I was good at that sort of thing. Said he would list a car we had for sale for a year, never did. I ended up taking care of it. Guy will never change. She needs to get out now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 06:52 AM
171

Yuuup. People are right: it is totally a woman's choice to SAH, but pretending there are no risks or pretend the business world will be forgiving of a gap in employment or skills is harmful. Libfem's greatest accomplishment was pretending if a woman made any choice, that choice was always empowering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 12:34 AM
42

Why is this even a bumper sticker. That means there's someone who thought it up and people who buy it. That's so gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 11:47 PM
43

And "easily brought up to that level"?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 11:24 PM
24

So having a nose ring means I'm a slut "until proven otherwise". Good to know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 10:53 PM
77

I'm not really an expert on anything (but happily a Jill of all trades), but I read an immensely satisfying story of a woman who was a chess prodigy. Began playing at age 5, written papers on chess strategy. On dates, if there was a chessboard, men would suggest a game, then explain the rules to her. Then would stop play to explain what she had done wrong. She said she usually beat them in 3 moves. Legend. Found it: https://www.boredpanda.com/women-share-mansplaining-stories-twitter/?utm_source=…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 10:07 PM
41

Yeah, I have so many questions for that dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 09:47 PM
44

I wonder if he remembers where the Bible also said, "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity." His next sermon will probably be about shallow wives spending too much time looking in the mirror than serving their families. Hypocrisy at its finest. I wish more true Christian pastors reacted to this BS and called it out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 09:40 PM
112

I'm a woman and like peace, pleasure, and ease. Where's the men's guide to falling over backward to give me that stuff?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 12:52 AM
151

Lmao. I'd love to know how many women have actually complied with that request. Even the pickmes would balk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 12:48 AM
47

Yup. She might as well have put bossbabe on her page.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 07:17 PM
11

As someone with a Master's who's having a baby this year... my Master's was more impressive. Don't get me wrong, love this kid already, can't wait to meet her, but let's be honest. I had sex one time versus a year of studying every night and interning and writing a 65-page final project. I guess I need to go hug my diploma, lol. Also, funny how the "CEO/Consultant" is against capitalism... hmm...MLM?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 07:15 PM
48

Also women are more likely to be carers for elderly relations, as well. Even if you're cf, the system depends on women to provide care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 07:02 PM
18

Right? Such a prize! Last I heard, he was dealing coke and weed with a new gf who he can "dom". Good effing riddance!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 01:44 AM
44

My NVX wanted brownie points because he wanted to break up with me during a cancer scare, but didn't! What a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 11:14 PM
62

👆 That's why there are HVM out there who don't do this, because they've been raised right. If you start saying, "It's just biology," LVM use it as an excuse to never get better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 11:12 PM
16

Excellent article. Thank you for posting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 06:20 PM
39

Interesting that the article points out women's "perceptions" and men's "perceptions"... but fails to bring up the numerous studies that have shown that the reality is the chores/parenting disproportionately fall to women. Convenient, huh?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 05:30 PM
6

WHAT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 10:19 PM
43

Why do they think it's the men opting out? Women have more to lose in relationships, so a feminist society would encourage them to opt out... I think these dudes can't fathom a society where they aren't the only decision-makers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 08:48 PM
14

They're one step away from suggesting dumpster diving as a 😍perfect first date!!!🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 08:42 PM
53

Bing bing bing! I knew there had to be more to that story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 06:39 PM
110

Oh, man. I looked it up and that is just... wow. I think this review puts it best: "takes a disturbing adolescent male fantasy and glosses it up just enough to pass for a legitimate horror movie".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 07:11 AM
368

Hmm. The comments her friends are making seem a little severe to just be about a ring (particularly him treating her like garbage). I feel like there's some things they are picking up on that OP is not mentioning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 05:22 AM
124

"He wasn't going to forbid it". Uhhh. No.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 02:56 AM
69

That's exactly what I'm terrified of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 05:54 AM
181

The one that gets me are those people who are eager for "artificial wombs". No. God no. If society has said you can't breed because women don't want you, then it's a sign you should not have children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 05:02 AM
63

That part always got to me. The idea of waking up and being pregnant without knowing how is straight-up horror that was played as cute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 04:58 AM
12

Happy ending. And yay on her son for realizing what a POS his dad is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 12:28 AM
1

It was used by gay men/women when marriage wasn't an option. So if you had a gay couple together for 30 years, I'd be insulted if I were them to use "boyfriend" when clearly it's a lot more. IIRC, it also meant "domestic partner" AKA "as close as we can get to spouse with the laws being what they are".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 11:11 PM
65

My best wishes for a speedy and healthy recovery for your surgery! I'm glad you seem to have found someone to support you during this time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 08:09 PM
10

Can I recommend The Painted Word by Tom Wolfe? I think you'd enjoy it as a palate cleanser from art appreciation. I love art, but sometimes the art world gets stuck in its own pretentiousness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 07:45 PM
50

Saw a post on a subreddit the other day about women giving birth and how hard it was... and ofc, there was a comment on the post with a ton of upvotes from a man, "But it's hard on meeeen, tooooo!". His point was his wife's attention was split between him and the baby, and he missed her. Which sounds very cute, but a. Really doesn't fucking compete with "risked her actual life" and b. SO TAKE CARE OF THE BABY, TOO, YOU KNOB. You're not her second child she has to entertain! And then people rushe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 07:12 PM
47

I really, really hope everyone told her to get a fucking lawyer stat. My guess is he was hoping she'd be too stupid to realize $15K is jack shit compared to what she's actually entitled to and would be so grateful she wouldn't pursue a good divorce attorney. Divorce courts don't tend to take kindly to dads who just decide not to be dads and fuck off to another state.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 04:34 AM
173

Having hobbies also books out time. What I mean by that is we make time for what we think is important. Men never canceled their bar night or bowling night to clean the house, because they didn't prioritize it. Women, however, are taught that the house and others' comfort is more important than their hobbies. I had a nervous breakdown - a true mental breakdown - because I was trying to keep up with the house, get my Master's, and work 50+ hours a week. I had to take FMLA for 3 months to figure o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 07:07 PM
72

"I’m glad you help your wife, I do not help because when I do, my wife does not praise me." Is so accurate. You don't get a damn medal for being an adult. No one comes up to me and says, "Wow, what a great job you did going to the bank and grocery shopping!", so why on earth do men expect a trophy for doing the dishes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 06:19 AM
68

I've never thought of that, but you're absolutely right! Also, your last line reminds me of a joke I saw that ran along the lines of: MIL: It's so nice of [husband] to babysit the kids while you're away. ME: Yes, he's very excited to continue to be a father.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 05:49 AM
238

So the project manager thing is mentioned in a comic called The Mental Load (good read, btw), but I like the fact the middle guy points out that men should just do it because it's their home too. It's not just stopping at, "This isn't 50/50", but goes even a little deeper than that. Who are these guys? I'd like to check out more of their stuff if it's like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/21 03:55 AM
67

The tweets are honest = they tell me what I want to hear, which inflates my ego and then I think it must be true. Logic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 10:21 PM
10

Thank you for this! As I said, I suspected, but it's nice to have the science. And ugh, I am so sorry. That is not okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 09:42 PM
35

I'm curious why the studies phrase it as women's perception of their partner's expectations of their bodies. I mean, that's a valid line of inquiry, but I'm curious about how partners actually perceive their female partners while watching porn. That is, do men grow unhappier with their partner's weight and appearance? Do they make derogatory comments about their partner's weight/appearance? Etc. I suspect they do, but I can't seem to find studies on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 09:00 PM
276

Sigh. So sick of these women asking, "How do I approach this conversation". It's not a conversation. It's a "We're breaking up, grab your stuff, blocking you now". Posing it as a conversation makes it seem like they weren't the wronged party.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 07:22 PM
34

I think the "neg" is she's not REALLY tall, it's all in her shoes. Like that's a bad thing somehow. Like I said, I would love to see some asshole try this with one of my short friends. I'd tap him on the shoulder and say, "Cool, now do me!". They'd learn real quick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 06:27 PM
40

I mean... I do. I love being taller than most everyone. 🤷‍♀️ Also weeds out insecure guys who can't handle women being taller than them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 06:20 PM
120

Ew, no. Do not physically touch women who don't want it. Do not physically pick up anyone, unless it is a child who is (a) yours or (b) in imminent danger. I'm 5'8" without heels so I thankfully haven't dealt with it, but I have so many short friends who complain that people pick them up all the time. It's not cute.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 06:01 PM
35

Worst part of online dating! I'm bi and specifically said, "Not interested in couples" and STILL got gross messages from couples. And the ones who only put the woman in the pics? So shady. If you really think it's okay, you would be upfront.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 05:07 PM
19

"It's not like I punched you more than 3 or 4 times!" "I didn't try to rape you more than 3 or 4 times!" See how stupid that sounds? The idea that "I only did it 4 times more than you asked me to" is a valid excuse tells you everything about his entitlement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 05:02 PM
15

Man, I'm going to start Venmoing all the guys I went out with who wasted my time. For real though, this is what happens when society deems a successful date = sex after. Any date with no sex becomes a failure. A successful date is one where both parties went out and had a pleasant evening. There may have been no click, they may have found out they weren't compatible, but they talked and laughed and enjoyed the time spent. Why reimburse someone for a good time? But we went from that to a successf…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 04:44 PM
12

Thank you! That's very insightful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 05:53 AM
22

Query: what does he mean by "influence" in this context? Does he explain? (Just curious)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 05:47 AM
13

Ah, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 05:11 AM
23

You made the right decision. Cheaters will always cheat - and quite frankly, he wasn't even hiding the fact he was into this girl from you, which means he doesn't respect you at all. You're worth more than that trash. And don't feel stupid. Decent people want to believe people are decent, just like cheaters wantbto believe everyone is as indecent as themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 05:09 AM
21

Yes, please - what is the catch he mentions?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 05:04 AM
89

The women set their political stance to "conservative" and then dudes tried to impress them by sending pictures of themselves at the riots.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 03:19 AM
27

Your demon is adorable! She is clearly innocent of all charges. ETA: He -> she
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 01:19 AM
84

For those who don't know, these are called "dog whistles" (i.e. the people who are in the group understand their meaning, but people not won't flag it). You can google alt-right or incel dog whistles for more information.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 01:05 AM
102

I said it once, I'll say it again: yeet the man, keep the 🦝
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 09:59 PM
33

Even if it's not quite what you wanted, the gesture really does matter. My bf knows I love board games, knows I was having trouble finding ones that play a lot of people, and bought me one for Christmas. Unfortunately, I already had that one, but I still appreciated the thought behind it. These guys act like their wives will just hate them if they get the wrong thing, so they conveniently never try, when most of the women would be happy with the gesture itself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 09:55 PM
154

I hate the, "Just tell me what you want and I'll buy it for you!". I can buy what I want. Buying a gift for someone A. Has an air of surprise to it, B. Shows you took an interest in my interests, and C. That you spent time doing it for me. If I can do all those things, you can, too. It's kind of like the jokes about moms buying all the kids gifts on Christmas and the dads being surprised. I used to think it was funny, but it's really not? I text my brothers, "Hey, what do [my niephlings] want fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 09:45 PM
10

I'm not saying that this never happens, and one should always be careful, but this sounds like yet another urban legend/fear video. https://www.distractify.com/p/what-does-1f-mean-in-the-snow-tiktok There are similar stories - including one linked to in the article by Snopes - of human traffickers supposedly doing the same to cars, which has been debunked. Human trafficking is a real and serious problem, and I don't want to detract from that, but these types of stories are almost invariably fake…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 06:03 PM
80

This actually reads as a woman to me... the kind that say, "If you had been at home taking care of the kids and home like a good wife, he wouldn't have cheated!". Either way... wow. It takes special acrobatics to turn it into her fault that her husband was more interested in getting his dick wet than making sure his kids were taken care of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 03:51 AM
10

Strictly speaking, a nude sent consensually between partners is pornographic, but it's disingenuous to act like that's what people mean when they say "he looks at porn". It's tendentious pedantry at its worst.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 03:38 AM
75

I can't imagine a scenario where a guy could use that term anywhere near talking about me and still be sleeping in my bed. That's absolutely unacceptable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 02:50 AM
3

What an amazing woman, and an amazing story!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 10:45 PM
102

It amazes me how brazen they are now. Cheating has always happened, but the idea of not even being ashamed of it is boggling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 09:54 PM
3

That's what I chimed in with. Also told people to f off with this "he deserves to be in his daughter's life" nonsense after he was the one to peace out for years. I don't care if you're male or female, you don't just get to be a parent when you feel like it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 06:21 PM
88

There's a site called chumplady that really drills this in. The woman who started the site was having sex with her husband 3-4x a week, he still cheated. And people blamed her for not "fulfilling his needs". It's worth checking out, especially if you've ever been cheated on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 06:02 PM
55

A majority of states in the U.S. put it at 20 weeks (and some even longer), so she still has time to put together the funds if she needs to. At the very least, if she wants to keep it, she needs to get away from this man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 05:42 AM
293

So he meets a traumatized woman, pushes her into a relationship, CONVINCES HER TO HAVE A BABY (in what world could she actually believe him that a NEW HUMAN BEING wasn't going to change things?), and now is mad she's not being a good little bangmaid because she's pregnant with a kid he only wanted so she'll quit her job and be dependent on him (speculation, but educated speculation) so he can control her further. And she thinks he just doesn't understand her boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 04:46 AM
77

She's not in a lot of places, though. I hope someone in the comments told her she still may have options.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 04:43 AM
8

Yeah. I would meet with her in person, since he goes through her phone and probably emails, etc. and have a conversation. This guy is abusive, and she may want to break it off, but is genuinely scared of what he'll do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 02:32 AM
109

Whenever I see a guy saying vaginas get loose/labia lips are gross/etc., it helps to remember that they're just confessing they've never been near one. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 01:49 AM
22

I would let her know very seriously that you were concerned about his behavior and he is not welcome to be around you anymore. List the behaviors and ask if she was okay with each. Was she okay being grabbed snd him ignoring her telling him to stop? Was she okay with him thinking she was cheating? Don't let her make excuses - ask yes or no. You might even gently probe, because if he's willing to do this in front of strangers, I'm concerned what he's doing behind closed doors. You may need to hel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 01:11 AM
48

I get frustrated, but if we don't stand up for other women, who will? Certainly not men. In some cases, it's easier than others. The woman who keeps going back to an abusive boyfriend may have been abused as a kid, then shoved out into a world that said she was supposed to continue being abused. The woman who has casual sex may be a victim of CSA, and now lives in a world where she's told that unless she has casual sex, she's broken by her trauma. Unless they are actively harming other women - l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 12:53 AM
44

I saw a thread once where a guy fucked off with zero contact with his child for 5 or 8 years because he needed to "find himself". Mom raises daughter by herself and dad comes crawling back saying he wants to be in daughter's life again. So mom lets him video-chat with daughter and overhears dad making snide comments to the daughter about mom and mom's new bf. Mom asks if it would be wrong for her to allow only supervised contact from now on. The amount of people - mostly women - saying how dare …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 11:44 PM
3

You should have kept the raccoons and yeeted the man. 🦝❤🦝
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 09:45 PM
54

Definitely! I love science, but biological essentialism is so, so common amongst anyone seeking to oppress others. Racists use it to "prove" their superiority; misogynists use it to justify and excuse their behavior. In either case, it's not science itself that's bad, but people misrepresenting it for their own benefit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 09:25 PM
178

No. It's socialization telling them they're developed human beings and women are objects. The second you start saying, "It's [biological reason]", that just becomes an excuse. People said that men are more visual creatures (since debunked, by the way), so they said, "Great! We can ogle women and watch porn and it's okay!". People showed men have bigger brains (which does not correlate to intelligence at all), and they said, "See! We're smarter!". Science is great, but it will always be misinterp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 09:06 PM
21

Grown women are told, "You were asking for it, dressed like that." So women pointed out they were raped when they were actual children. So now we extend the "she was asking for it" to literal children? Where does that end? If a 4-year-old is raped, is it because her parents put a sparkly bow in her hair? She fooled a man into thinking she was 6, instead of 4? When do men stop making excuses and call out wrong as wrong?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 05:16 PM
71

EXACTLY. If she said she was 15, then he's STILL COMMITTING A FELONY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 05:11 PM
13

The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks And for non-fiction, I HIGHLY recommend everyone read Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 04:13 AM
27

Your local library may have bookclubs or game nights and I've met some great people there. I also look up free lectures in areas that I'm interested in hosted through universities or colleges. If you can, you could also consider taking continuing education or classes at your community college in something you're interested in: learning a new language, or painting, or theatre, or music?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 04:05 AM
256

Meanwhile men don't have high standards, but want... Only 18-22 year olds with DD+ breasts Weigh under 100 lbs. Have their own jobs so they'll split 50/50 Want to have sex/give blowjobs every night... etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 03:58 AM
32

I will never understand the argument, "Maybe they have an open relationship and she knows about it!" I really doubt open relationships are more common than cheaters cheating, for one, and for another, so what? If it is, it might be a little awkward. It might be a little uncomfortable, but no real harm done. If it isn't, well, that woman now knows her husband/bf is a cheater and can get checked for STDs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 03:29 AM
72

I know it's cheesy, but I still love this movie. It's very feel-good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 12:23 AM
2

Yeah, I hope we'll be together long-term, but I wasn't bringing a baby into this world on hopes and dreams. I thought of worst-case scenario and based whether it was feasible on that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 12:21 AM
5

When they referenced my profile. So many just look at the pictures and message women they think are hot. If a guy actually read my profile and asked about it, I'd usually respond. So like, "I love Jim Butcher! What's your favorite book?" Or "What board games do you like best?".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 11:07 PM
9

A guy during my hook-up days tried for anal without asking and was shoving my head down during a bj. I was so shocked I didn't say anything, but I wish I could go back in time and kick his ass. It just never occurred to me that someone wouldn't think acts like that require a discussion and consent first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 10:22 PM
5

Well, it took my aunt a looot of bad men and years of experience before, so hopefully your mom gets there, too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 08:19 PM
1

I have a small bottle of that stuff that I love (I live in a very humid climate so all good there), but it's hella expensive. Do you have any brand recommendations?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 08:12 PM
4

Ooh, thank you! Yeah, I'm very pale anyway, and just putting on toner looks like I'm applying a sunburn. I have to be very careful because I've found a lot of stuff, even if it's marked for sensitive skin, turns my face really red or makes me break out. Thanks for the tip!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 05:57 AM
14

I swear my skin just flinched reading that. Did he think witch hazel and rubbing alcohol were the same or?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 04:38 AM
5

The part where he said she was crying next to the baby's crib. Your wife has PPD, you asshole, and you and your mom are worried that she's letting herself go, not that she's crying and majorly depressed. I hate this. I hate this so much. And I hate this dude and dude's mom for encouraging this. ETA: Oh, man, it got worse. I had to look this one up and that POS says his mom had PPD but got over it by taking pride in her appearance. I am so livid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 04:22 AM
10

Y'all are amaaaazing. I'm gonna have to check this out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 03:32 AM
577

Please do. It saves so much time when they show their misogyny early on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 03:06 AM
13

Hm. Good to know. I had this awesome moisturuzer and then they changed the formula (they tried saying it was just the "look", but some other people posted the ingredients list was completely different) and I tried it twice and broke out horribly. The one I have now is okay, but I'm still searching for a forever moisturizer lol. Thanks for the info!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 02:01 AM
7

Same! Plus my boobs were saggy because they're huge and I was overweight. Gross dude is confusing actual 18-year-olds with airbrushed Instagram Barbie dolls. And I can guarantee gross dude ain't no Ken.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 01:33 AM
3

The only thing not vomit-inducing about this grossness is that he clearly has never actually met an 18-year-old girl, because newsflash, women of all ages can have stretch marks, cellulite, saggy boobs, etc. He clearly gets so caught up in his fantasy that he forgot he was supposed to be answering a question 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 01:31 AM
5

No. Hard no. I'm friends with guys, but they are absolutely not interested in me. In college, I knew a guy I was friendly with who I was very clear with that I wasn't interested in and he "accepted" that. Then one night he deliberately got me drunk and got physical. There's just no way it's safe, tbh. The longer you're friends with them, the longer they resent you for "leading them on", then they lash out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 01:22 AM
20

Can I ask if this was a planned pregnancy? Or if you know? I didn't plan to ever have kids, even if I did get married, but an accident happened, and while I am ABSOLUTELY pro-choice, my choice was to keep it. I made that choice knowing I will be able to support a kid if I break up with bf, and I know he'll be a good dad. My point is, he may not have convinced her to have a baby, it may have been an accident, and her choice was to keep it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 01:16 AM
67

Ok, but can someone tell me if the hydro-boost is good stuff? My cheeks are dry af even using moisturizer every night, and a spray would be convenient, but I have super sensitive skin. Also, he used SHAMPOO as facewash? I can't even imagine what that does to your skin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 01:10 AM
32

My LVX couldn't hold a job and yet felt "emasculated" by the fact I had one and supported us both. There was a pretty easy solution if he felt bad about not having a job, but resenting me for supporting him was easier, I guess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 12:51 AM
114

My great-aunt was married (and divorced) 5 times, twice to the same guy. A guy proposed to her a while back and she turned him down flat and said, "Why the hell would I make the same mistake a sixth time?".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 12:31 AM
13

There's also a way of rolling your hair naturally to make them, but it takes a lot of teasing and work. Though I adore the 1940s hairstyles. chinhands
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 12:26 AM
8

Oh. Hell. No. Women use more toilet paper because of discharge, period blood, surface area, because you pee more when you're pregnant, etc. Unless she is clogging the toilet because she uses too much - and even then, that's a, "Honey, please don't use as much or flush inbetween so the pipes don't get clogged" conversation - this is controlling and patronizing. This is what you would do to teach a toddler how to wipe themselves. Fuck these guys acting like women are fucking children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 10:41 PM
15

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can say my ex constantly accused me of not being able to communicate, and I would try so hard. I convinced him to stay and tried really hard, but it was never enough. It will never be enough, because he doesn't really want to be with you, and he'll always find another reason to leave. I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, because I know how much it hurts, but I promise you will get through it. You may find another person who loves you, or you may discover yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 01:05 AM
2

I did specify probably. Depending on where this was, it might go up. Countries with good assistance to single mothers may have higher rates while those with weak assistance might not. The percentage of single moms who are SAH is pretty low in the US, I'm assuming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 10:31 PM
2

I'm not saying she's married now - she's probably widowed or maybe divorced - but she definitely at least had support during his growing up, probably from a husband. "Single mom" usually refers to women who are single while their kids are in the 0-21 age range.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 10:29 PM
5

It says she was a SAHM mom, so probably not a single mom, actually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 10:15 PM
60

Yes! Crows are very intelligent, recognize faces, and capable of problem-solving, unlike LVM 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 09:38 PM
55

Tbf, I grew up with 3 brothers and was/am a total tomboy. The difference is my brothers (well, 2/3) are good men who are great fathers and husbands now. Being male-identified or a "boy mom" or scrapping with boys is never an excuse to tolerate LVM behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 09:35 PM
10

You know, my dad is a sexist old farmer... and my mom said he still washed the dishes and helped out with all four of us kids and went to work every day to support all of us while mom stayed at home. Men are actually somehow getting even more lazy and more sexist at the same time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 09:02 PM
32

It's telling that we easily recognize, "Rich people are successful because they have the opportunity to take risks, capital to start businesses, and time to devote to new businesses, because they have a safety net", but are unable to extend the same understanding to why there are fewer female scientists, philosophers, artists, etc. in history. (Obviously that's also due to bias and erasure). Back in the day, rich people were considered blessed by God, because why else were they successful when p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 07:38 PM
129

Hold up. He was married to Monica Bellucci, AKA one of THE most gorgeous women I've ever seen? If he threw her over for a younger woman, he's not only a perv, he's a fucking idiot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 07:27 PM
10

We didn't know who he was, just saw a clip of a segment and it was funny, so we looked up his stand-up. 15 minutes in, neither me nor my LVX even cracked a smile. Even he was uncomfortable with how misogynist it was. We ended up turning it off and watching something else, but it's just stuck with me, because there's not even a veneer of a joke there. The "joke" literally is, "I don't want my sexual partners to enjoy sex." I just don't get it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 07:24 PM
11

Too lazy to upload, but I have one that involves a cheese grater and a dick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 05:51 PM
58

May I happily introduce you to the book Who Cooked the Last Supper about this exact topic? Basically men were only able to be great thinkers and inventors because of women doing all the practical work in the background.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 05:19 PM
8

Always loved this song!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 03:00 AM
84

There's a "comedian" who made this exact "joke"... except it was very clear it wasn't a joke. Because it's fun for men to love doing something to a woman she hates is... funny? He also created a fake "Anal Sex Day" and talks at length about the made-up Steak and Blowjob Day for bonus awful points.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 02:56 AM
71

I read horrendous quotes from porn directors who have said that basically a man gets mad at his wife and can vicariously punish her by watching porn; he specifically said that men did not want to see women enjoying anal, because then it's not a punishment. I used to think porn was okay, but it's become so, so awful. There's NO even make-believe that the woman is having fun because it is ALL about men torturing women. The fantasy isn't "you get to be a rock star in bed with a beautiful woman", it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 01:27 AM
16

Preeeeach. I don't need a man to support me; I can do that myself, thanks. I want a man to support himself without relying on me. Also, I got my damn Master's because I wanted one, not to attract anyone, ffs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 01:23 AM
15

If most men aren't looking for a provider, then why tf did I pay my ex-LVM's bills and let him live rent free for so long?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 01:21 AM
9

She may have chosen to have a kid, but I'm pretty sure if she had the choice to not feel the agonizing pain that comes with it, she would've taken option number 2.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 01:18 AM
89

"I'm just a stupid tomboy" tells you everything about this. Her self-esteem is so gone that she refers to herself as stupid. It's kind of sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 07:18 PM
13

That's such BS. I'm pregnant now and it's great! But everyone's super excited (cool) for me now, but I barely got a "congrats" when I finished my master's. Throw a party for your lawyer friend! Women's only accomplishments are not get married/have babies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 07:00 PM
33

Exactly. Why is this always a woman in bondage being sliced apart? (There were two separate references to that theme in the short article alone!). I'd be interested to see if any female artists were big in this genre, and if so, what the themes of their works are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 05:58 PM
171

Even notwithstanding porn in particular, I can guarantee that he's watched any number of tv shows and movies that exploit women's sexual assault (usually from the POV of the male gaze), and it hasn't bothered him. It bothered him here because it was a man, and he can empathize with that, but he can't with a woman. I also don't know what show it was, but I bet it was also not filmed to be "sexy", like many rapes on tv/movies are. In which case, he should have been asking how much more disturbing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 05:10 PM
241

Even then, porn is meant to be explicitly arousing... to a male audience. That's why there's no focus on women's pleasure, and in fact, women are often specifically portrayed as NOT enjoying it, because that's "hotter" for dudes watching. So at a bare minimum, he should have been able to sympathize with a woman saying, "Porn is upsetting to me, because it often portrays women being degraded, humiliated, and tortured, and makes it clear that they are NOT enjoying it, which is not arousing to me a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 04:59 PM
65

Omg, bless his grandparents! I hope they also gave him an earful for that bit of male skankery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 08:47 PM
33

Just some good news! That NC law was overturned in 2019 (far too late, but at least it was!): https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/north-carolina-s-rape-law-loophole-was-only-closed-because-ncna1076646
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 08:40 PM
3

Yeah, I was pretty aghast. Anyone can be a good partner and supportive of their partner while she's pregnant (and they should be!) and I admitted that, but... that's a fan cheering on from the stands, not an active player in the game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 03:14 PM
8

I had an entire argument with someone who said bringing a life into the world was a "team sport". I said it getting pregnant may be, but not being pregnant or giving birth. He doubled down, then a pickme jumped in to say SHE thought it was a teamsport and these AWFUL FEMINISTS (seriously) were afraid of men taking something away from them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 12:18 AM
5

I mean. I've never met a woman who saw a guy holding a fish and thought, "Yes, I am so turned on by this", and yet...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 03:42 PM
9

Lol, well, I wouldn't call HG "smooth" (if one more person tells me they didn't have any morning sickness, I swear...), but I appreciate the well wishes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 10:00 PM
56

Seconding the "you don't know how pregnancy will go". I am pregnant unexpectedly, and had about 4 weeks of "This is going to be a breeze! I'm going to eat healthy and do yoga every day!" before hyperemesis gravidarum kicked in. By week 9, I couldn't get out of bed, was throwing up every hour, felt like I couldn't drive because if I had a violent retching fit, I could crash. I had to go to the hospital for fluids because I was so dehydrated; any liquid made me vomit. My now bf went shopping for u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 06:27 PM
64

Love the fact that he said, "You could have just said no." She did. You weren't listening until it came with consequences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 10:21 PM
122

The phrase "SHE'S giving ME a family" is creepy to me, even beyond the gross sexual references.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 09:45 PM
10

A. People aren't objects. Men keep forgetting that part. B. By his own "logic", wouldn't women prefer virgin men, too? It'S jUsT a PrEfErEnCe after all. Just human nature! But if we said that, we'd be castigated. How DARE we not want single dads/pornsick dudes/divorced guys? C. There are actually a lot of things you don't want new, so...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 09:34 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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