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ThrowawayAccount602 Archive

View 0 posts and 106 comments by ThrowawayAccount602 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Did she say if she had a reason for the lunch? If so, I would make it a coffee instead but only if there are legitimate things to discuss in person. If it is just catching up, I would pass.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/19 06:56 PM
1

Let your lawyer handle this. Your XW is being unreasonable and obstinate and you will not be able to "fix" her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 09:03 PM
1

You need to be very careful here so as to not make the situation to be not amicable. Here is what I did which worked out pretty well. Once we had agreed that we were getting divorced, we each set up a separate bank account and transferred $100 into our respective accounts. Then we met with a mediator and agreed how much money we had in each account and how much we could each transfer to our new account. We also agreed at that point to immediately start depositing our paychecks into the new accou…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 09:01 PM
1

This is so smart and I wish you great luck with it!
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 06:00 PM
1

That sucks and I wish you luck (and good health to your judge)!
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 03:59 PM
1

I'm with you on every aspect of this! It is so much fun to have absolute autonomy over my money, my living situation and my activities. While I don't wish bad things on her (okay, don't often and actively wish bad things on her), her issues are hers alone and I can nicely ignore them if they don't impact my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 01:56 PM
1

I am very much hoping for an update to this as your strategy (facts and data) should be pretty persuasive!
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 01:16 PM
1

Good lord, man, grow a backbone!!! I am astonished that you are still putting up with this when you have no kids and can easily move on. Yes, she has screwed up your credit since she did all of this while married to you. Immediately file for a divorce and immediately cancel that credit card by saying that you never approved it and it was done behind your back. Now is not the time to gaze at your navel and pine for her. Now is the time to move to stop the damage.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 01:14 PM
1

I think you have three very different things going on here and you first need to untangle them. Thing 1: Custody: Practically speaking, you have him for 50% of the time. Are you saying that you want him for less time? Your comment about your new wife being furious suggests that this is an issue. I will say that, if your new wife is bitching about you getting to spend more time with your son, you made a pretty big mistake in marrying her. Thing 2: Constant drop ins: This is different than thing o…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 01:11 PM
2

I hate to be harsh but you put her on the deed to the house and so I'm not sure what you were expecting. Nope, no one will give her a mortgage if she doesn't have assets or income and so you likely will be able to buy her out. But, count on it to be painful.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 01:02 PM
2

The laws are written to protect the weaker economic party and, in lots of marriages, the woman is that person since they generally make less money (83% of what men make on average) and are more likely to stay home with kids. That makes them, in the eyes of the law, the weaker party and more deserving of protection.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 12:58 PM
1

That sounds crazy to me. If this were true, it would be really easy to mess with people that you don't like.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 12:53 PM
2

This is really difficult to answer without more details. Assuming she qualifies for it (and different states have different tests to determine it), the calculation varies by state. However, with the numbers you provided and assuming you live in Arizona (my state), it comes out to $555/month which $6660/year. There are lots of good calculators out there and you can run it for your home state but it is not terrible.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 12:52 PM
2

Your issues are much larger than can be solved by well-meaning anonymous strangers. Your dad needs a lawyer immediately and, without one, he will very likely lose everything. Your step mummy dearest is playing hardball and this will be a very difficult and costly divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/19 03:46 PM
6

Let me be direct: you ALLOWED yourself to get pushed out of his life and now you need to fix it. Fortunately, with where you are in the process, this is pretty easy. You need to either adjust your work schedule or arrange other coverage (NOT FROM YOUR XW) when you are working. This is what all single parents do and there are lots of good resources to do this (babysitters, after school clubs, relatives). During your weeks, you should NEVER ask her to cover unless it is a true true true emergency.…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/19 03:43 PM
1

For me, it was about my kids but a bit differently than you might expect. I finally realized it was over when I realized that my kids were going to model their marriage after what they saw with my XW and me. That was what pushed me over the edge.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/19 01:24 PM
1

It is better to think of grieving as a half life rather than a yes/no. In other words, after x period of time, you will be 50% better and then after another x period of time, you will be another 50% better. You will never get to fully better but will get closer and closer. For me, my half life of grieving was 4-6 months.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/19 01:23 PM
1

A friend of mine had this exact situation. For him, the agreement said joint legal and physical custody (50-50) but also said that he was currently not able to fully take his custody due to his work schedule. This left the legal door open for him to go 50-50 once his schedule cleared up. Yes, he had to (and you will have to) pay more child support if you are not taking your full 50% but, to me, that seems fair.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/19 01:19 PM
1

It varies too widely to give you a good answer. Mine was amicable and we used a mediator. We filed for legal separation 2 weeks after our decision to divorce (first meeting with mediator) and our divorce was final 3 months after that. Where I live requires a 3 month separation if you have kids and that was the only reason it took that long. So, for me, 3.5 months and a total legal bill (that was split) of $5k.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/19 01:15 PM
1

No divorce is ever friendly....they are just different levels of unfriendly. My divorce was an amicable one and we both behaved going through the process. We decided we could save money with a mediator and I think that was money that was very well spent. Since we have a history with this mediator, we have used her over the last couple of years as issues come up and it is far faster and easier than lawyering up. Just be aware that your XW may become a cornered mountain lion at some point during t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/19 01:12 PM
1

I am assuming that taxes were withheld differently from your paychecks and so you need to look very closely to see if you would be punished twice for filing jointly. Meaning, it is possible that you paid more in taxes during the years and still had to split any refund. Even if you do gain a bit of money by filing jointly, is it worth it? I mean, the IRS can contact either one of you about the taxes and she has as much right to make decisions as you do. I don't think that dealing with that level …
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/19 01:08 PM
1

This is exactly the way that mine started out (down to the desire to remain friends, every other week, no child support). We went to a mediator and worked everything out and filed it consistent with that. The mediator was great at helping us think through things that we had not thought of (e.g. splitting holidays, extracurriculars etc). Now, after two years, my son wants to live with me full time and that presents a substantial financial burden to me and so I successfully filed for child support…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/19 01:04 PM
1

Please be aware of the things that /u/1978_anon is telling you and follow them today. It is soooo much easier to fight this in your "home court" rather than having to fight it in her new state. While you may not win in your home court, you will certainly lose in the out of state court.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/19 01:00 PM
1

You didn't say if you have kids but, if you do, just be aware that your kids are going to model their marriage after yours. How does that make you feel?
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/19 12:57 PM
2

Well, she is just going to have to come to terms with that as it is a frequent outcome of a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/19 06:19 PM
1

That breaks down to $70/week for food and misc, which seems like it could work as long as you are willing to eat in all the time and be frugal. But that is lots of eggs and cereal and so you need to be ready for that. I would suggest that there is likely a ton of economizing that can be done with things like living arrangements (rent, heat, a/c), digital (cell phone, cable, internet) and car (payments, insurance etc). Those are, to me, the biggest juiciest opportunities to save.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/19 03:28 PM
1

If you think she is going to be okay with it, I would suggest a mediator since there is solid law around virtually every situation that you will encounter (e.g. division of assets, child support, alimony etc). It is far faster, easier and cheaper than lawyering up. If she is not or if this will be a surprise, I would use Yelp to find a lawyer as it tends to be a very effective and fast way of knowing who is good and who is not. Obviously take the comments with a grain of salt but you can get som…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/19 03:22 PM
1

Honestly, to me, this is the economic equivalent of trying to shoot her: a massively bad idea.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/19 03:17 PM
1

You did not mention how old your child is and, to me, that is relevant since the custody arrangement needs to first suit the child and then the parents. With that being said, this would seem to be way too much back and forth. I would encourage you to adopt any one of a variety of commonly accepted custody arrangements (e.g. every other week, 5-2-2-5 etc) and insist on that. My guess is a judge will be much more comfortable with a common arrangement than a goofed up one, particularly when you don…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/19 03:12 PM
1

Unless you can somehow document that you were not having sex (not sure there is any way to do that btw), the presumption is that the child is yours and so you have an uphill climb. My guess is that you can use those cards etc to challenge the automatic presumption but this is really something you need to engage with a lawyer on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/19 02:30 PM
1

I was in a serious relationship with a woman (before meeting the woman who would become my wife). We had been living together for a number of years and V-Day happened to fall on a Sunday. Things had been really tough for a long time and we were trying to figure out what to do (stay vs split). In his sermon, the minister talked about what the love between a man and a woman should look like (according to the bible) and it occurred to me that this was not what we had but was what I wanted. I told h…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/19 02:26 PM
2

To me, the ring was a symbol of our relationship and not a symbol of our legal status. I took it off as soon as it was clear that our relationship was over. That proceeded the legal separation.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/19 02:23 PM
1

Age 50. Better: It turned out far better than I expected. I was free of her constant whining and complaining. I was freed from worrying about where she was and what (who) she was doing. I could finally relax in my own home rather than feeling like I was living with unpredictable and barely domesticated lion. I found LOTS of women my age to date and to have sex with. I could spend money without having to scrutinize it. I could decorate how I wanted to do it. I could vacation where I wanted to do …
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/19 02:17 PM
2

It will be the worst experience of your life. You will try to pretend that everything is okay since the other person is in your space constantly and that is incredibly hard to do. You will have to separate eventually and are far better off pulling the bandaid off now rather than enduring the hell and then doing it. If you absolutely have to do it, carve out a spot that is only yours and a spot that is only hers. Try to avoid being in the common areas at the same time. Realize that every single a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/19 02:11 PM
1

I would not consider this even one of my top 10 factors in choosing a lawyer. Choose someone who is reasonable and not a jerk. It will save you a ton of time and money. Lots of lawyers (of both genders) like to get into a pissing battle and will spend dollars fighting over nickels. It is not worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/19 09:14 PM
1

It depends on your opinion of what the currency is going to do. If you think it is going to go up, you value it as of the date of the property split and enjoy the ride up. If you think it is going to go down, you cash out now and split the cash from it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/19 09:11 PM
1

I would encourage you to think about it as pressing the Big Ole Reset Button of Life and, from now on, refer to yourself as version 2 (v 2). This strategy helped me adjust to the dramatic change in life and helped me to view it positively.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/19 06:07 PM
2

Yes you will be at her mercy. You need to come up with a way to have regular time with your kid(s) and stick to that schedule. If you cannot, you need to pay a babysitter to cover. But, without a schedule, you are entirely at her mercy and that is not a good thing.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/19 10:04 PM
1

You may want to do it via a marriage counseling session so there is someone else to help cushion the blow.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/19 10:03 PM
1

I think that is a very kind thought but initially much better suited to an email/text versus a face to face. Based on their response, you can have a face to face.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/19 03:25 PM
3

This is a brilliant strategy. It takes two people to fight and you are not engaging with her. I suspect that she is looking to get your goat in order to get justification for having her affair and you are not giving it to her. Instead, you are highlighting (to her) that you are a reasonable person and she is an ass. I applaud you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/19 04:07 PM
1

To me, giving a toaster was a wedding fit symbolizes how few fucks you give. Love your tradition though!
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/19 01:54 PM
1

I hope you send them a toaster as a wedding gift!
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/19 12:43 PM
9

I cannot fathom being married again but I am certainly open to living with someone without being married. Marriage was fine but divorce was rough and expensive. At present, other than health insurance related reasons, I do not see a reason to do it again.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/19 08:27 PM
2

I am not sure why you are equating assets with fitness to be the primary custodial parent. Trust me, the divorce will equalize your assets but it still would not matter regarding custody.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/19 05:16 PM
1

Do NOT agree to anything until you are fully in your right mind. At this point, you are hurt and extremely vulnerable and it is incredibly easy to make stupid decisions. Time is your friend.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/19 05:10 PM
1

You need to distinguish between asset distribution (where she is entitled to half of the money made during the time that they were married) and future shared income (alimony/child support). She definitely will get half of the assets and very likely child support (not sure of the ages of their kids). I am doubtful that she will get alimony unless there is evidence that he asked her to step back in her career to support his career. I actually do think it is "their" money and not "his" money and so…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/19 05:08 PM
1

Common law marriages only still exist in 16 states but they are rare and in some cases, restrictive. This is from an article that I read on the subject: "States that do recognize common law marriage include the following: Alabama, Colorado, District of Columbia, Georgia (if created prior to 1997), Idaho (if created before 1996), Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only), Ohio (if created prior to 10/1991), Oklahoma, Pennsylvania (if created before 9/2003), Rhode Island…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/19 05:03 PM
1

I am chuckling at your typo (sane vs same). Applicable either way, I hope. First, are you SURE you can live in the same house and start counting it as separation time? Just make sure you validate this assumption. Second, for your daughter, this should be invisible to her. Assuming you are in the same bedroom, it is easy. If you are in different ones, just highlight, if asked, that mommy and daddy are having sleeping issues and this works better. I would not suggest highlighting problems to your …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/19 06:38 PM
2

This is pretty standard type of shenanigans and the law is written to impute a full-time income for her (assuming there are not other mitigating facts). Thankfully the legal system has seen this a lot and so this will wind up being a big nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/19 06:51 PM
2

Friend, she is batshit crazy and this is going to get ugly. Rely on your attorney to do the proper steps. Thankfully the laws are written to avoid these types of shenanigans and so you just need to follow the advice of your lawyer. But, it will be bumpy and contentious but you will ultimately prevail.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/19 06:49 PM
1

You need to call or text or Facetime them every single day and perhaps multiple times per day. Tech makes it very easy for you to stay connected and you need to put in the effort.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/19 06:46 PM
1

I am surprised that you both wanted to meet the other's partner before they met the kids. What would you do if you didn't like the guy....tell your ex to break up with him? I think it is far better to set rules around the new person engaging with your daughter. In other words, he cannot be alone with her at any time, can't drive her etc. It is incredibly hard to judge if someone is a pedo by just meeting them and so that is why I don't think there is value in it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/19 06:42 PM
4

If you stay scrupulously equal in the division of things and not get hung up on petty things (who gets the painting of the dog), it will go much faster and smoother. Once the other is convinced that you are neither a patsy nor an asshole, they will tend to be more cooperative. When you don't know what to say, appeal to the mediator to intervene.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/19 06:40 PM
1

From my experience, a small increase in income only triggers a small increase in child support but you will want to verify the precise amounts using the calculator for your state. Given that this is a side hustle, it sounds doubtful that you would make a great deal of money to trigger a huge increase in child support. Remember also that it is based on net income and not gross income. If you are smart, you should be able to find a fair bit of offsetting expenses that will make your net income con…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/19 08:45 PM
1

The easiest way to do this is to draw up a spreadsheet with all of your assets (including the horses) and then come up with a reasonably equal split of the assets. Do NOT get emotionally involved with the assets as that just slows down the process. Also, think about things that logically go together (e.g. horses and horse trailer) and create mental bundles of things to take or give. Do NOT expect this to be perfectly equal but just close enough. The biggest mistake people make is valuing the hou…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/19 03:04 PM
1

First, why in the world do you let anyone tag you in pictures without approving them first? That is incredibly short sighted. Second, I think she was trying to reach out to you in tagging you and do not think it was malicious. But, for your mental health, you may just want to unfriend her or block her so she can't be as involved in your life. ​
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/19 02:57 PM
1

Always always always take a friend over if there is the slightest chance of things going sideways. It is the cheapest possible insurance that you can get to not have things go sideways.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/19 02:55 PM
2

If your situation was one without meaningful assets and without kids, I would definitely recommend filing the paperwork by yourself and saving a ton of money. However, that is not your situation and I think you would be penny wise and pound foolish to not involve the experts. In my case, we agreed on both of those things and were very pragmatic about the divorce. However, a mediator found some things that really needed to be addressed but that we had neglected to cover. As an example, we agreed …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/19 02:52 PM
1

Perfect! Make sure you realize that she is recording things as well and act appropriately. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/18 03:30 PM
1

While I think the "what's best for the kids" is accurate, I do not hear any harm to them with either strategy and so it is likely a non-starter. You are stuck with the plan "as written" until you get it amended. This is a losing battle for you. Follow the plan and then, when heads are cooler, modify the plan.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/18 03:25 PM
1

You can definitely use a mediator and it will save you a ton of cash, which seems to be your objective. In fact, the rules are so well defined that you may be able to do most of the mediation yourself. That is, debts/assets split 50/50 etc. The real battle will be over custody, child support and alimony (assuming all those things are in play. Our mediator suggested a 5-2-2-5 but we found that week on / week off worked better from a planning standpoint and was less stressful on the kids. NOTHING …
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/18 03:22 PM
1

If I were your ex, I would have a camera recording what you are taking and I actually think that is a great idea. You need to act as if she has hidden cameras throughout the house in hopes of catching you doing something shitty. If you do something shitty, it will bite you back tenfold and so be very careful with what you do. You need to record (running video) with everything that you do to prove you are being honorable. Ask your friend to do it so you can protect yourself as well.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/18 03:15 PM
1

You absolutely need to file immediately to make sure that she doesn't move the kids without a judge's permission. If she moves before you take legal action, you are screwed since there is no restraint from her doing so. ​
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/18 04:02 PM
2

My divorce went MUCH smoother when we had absolutely no communication outside of our lawyer/mediator. She sounds batshit crazy and you are foolish to try negotiate with her or even have conversations with her. Step back and let your lawyer handle this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/18 03:58 PM
1

Are the activities that the lawyer took properly documented and within scope of what you asked him to do? If so, you have very little latitude. If you have a good relationship with him, you may want to ask him to cut it as you were not expecting that amount. But, if his actions were documented and within scope, you are very much stuck.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/18 03:56 PM
2

I agree with /u/TryToHelpPeople. Your lawyer is letting you down here. Cut over to a new one and get this darn thing resolved.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/18 03:53 PM
1

I would support the kids making something for her, perhaps with supplies/kit that you purchased. This would emphasize to the kids (and to her) that YOU are not getting her anything but are supporting them getting her something. Once they get older, she can deputize a friend of hers to take the kids shopping for her but you need to man up for the first year (or two).
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/18 08:26 PM
1

It depends on how rational you think she is. If she is rational, I would show her how the calculation shows $1072 and ask if she can do that (meaning, without lawyering up). Tell her that it is neat and clean and no lawyers are required for either of you. I am guessing you will get some/most/all of the difference without a bit of incremental cost or fighting. ​ If she is not rational, I would go with the $900 now and, assuming your agreement has a yearly recalculation of child support, hit her w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/18 08:19 PM
1

In my divorce paperwork, we have to share income information every year and child support is adjusted at that point. However, there is nothing wrong with forgetting to share information and just letting things ride. Our agreement was that we would adjust child support only if it changed by more than 10%. Ours is retroactive to the point that the information was SHARED and not to the date it should have been shared.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/18 12:11 PM
1

In a very short time, your girls will have lots of friends that they want to do stuff with on the weekends and they will not be able to do that since you live so far away. They will opt to stay with their mother and you will lose out. Proximity = a stronger relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/18 12:05 PM
1

I would echo this thought. Whether you think it is fair or not is totally irrelevant and you can burn lots of unnecessary energy railing against its unfairness and still lose. You are lucky that she is employed or else spousal support would follow you for a very long time. Let go of it, my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/18 12:02 PM
1

First thought: "Golden Uterus" would be a great name for a band! Second thought: Do NOT let your guilt get in the way of your relationship with your kids. Yes, you screwed up and lost your marriage. You will pay the emotional price for this for a very long time but do NOT agree to anything less than 50-50 out of guilt.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/18 01:45 PM
1

I'll give you the same guidance that a friend gave me: You deserve better. You deserve better than a person who constantly lies to you. You deserve better than a wife with friends who give her bad advice. You deserve better than a wife who talks smack about you to her friends. Sadly, once a liar, always a liar. Trust me: I married and then divorced one.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/18 12:07 PM
1

Consider this: your wife's hormones are still likely in crazy time and you are trying to do something now? I strongly suggest giving her hormones a chance to settle down and then trying to work on things. It is fine if it doesn't work after doing that but please stay away from the ex-girlfriend until then.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/18 12:05 PM
3

If the car was legally yours (as evidenced by a separation agreement), the money is fully yours. Think of it this way: you get to do anything you want with any asset that is yours. This is NOT income but reimbursement for damages. The insurance money is to make you whole from the accident and so, according to the insurance company, from a financial sense now the accident never happened.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/18 12:01 PM
1

I hate to say this but it is possible that you were (probably a completely wonderful) rebound relationship and that this is an easy way to break things off. Sad to say that I have used something similar several times since it is an easy "get out of a relationship" ploy, particularly for the first year or two after a divorce. While some of what he is saying about his ex is probably true, part of it may be aggrandized for the purpose of making the breakup easier to justify. Sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/18 11:53 AM
2

No idea but I laughed at what she said "only what the calculator shows" since that is the MAX that she is entitled to!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/18 11:58 AM
1

I quoted the late great Martin Luther King Jr "Free at last, free at last...thank God I am free at last". In my calendar, I marked the day as "Independence Day". Update: To be clear, I did not say these things to her but said them to my lawyer but within her earshot. I do not recommend saying anything to her directly.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/18 12:26 PM
1

Let me ask: COULD you watch them on a regular basis during her custodial time without any effort required from her? If so, you have an argument. If you just want to do it sometimes, it is a lot weaker.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/18 10:19 PM
1

Yep, the sale needs to be an arms length transaction and selling it for the mortgage is very likely to fail that test. You need to get a market analysis of it AND THEN TAKE 93% of that in order to calculate your true equity in it. 93% of the market value accounts for paying real estate agents (3%+3%) and various seller paid expenses (1%). From that, you subtract the mortgage to calculate your equity (which will then probably be split).
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/18 10:06 PM
1

For me, I went room by room and inventoried every single thing in there that was potentially of interest to either one of us. I then categorized each thing by cost/value and proposed a split of the stuff that was approximately equal. We negotiated back and forth using that inventory list and it actually worked out really well.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/18 10:03 PM
1

My agreement for ROFR was 4 hours and I just assumed that was standard. I think you could find a ton of support for it to kick in at virtually every time period. I am perplexed that she would not want you to watch them since it means that she would not have to pay for daycare though. But, I can also see her point that the kids need some consistency and, unless you are willing to step up, I see her argument.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/18 10:01 PM
1

I think you should EACH agree to maintain $x worth of life insurance on yourself with each other as the beneficiary. This should end when the co-financial obligations are done (e.g. college). This would cover the sudden death and loss of money for both of you. I think you should keep the kids on your policy but she pays half of the incremental cost of the kids being on your policy. If you make the same etc, this is a fair split.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/18 02:23 PM
3

This is such an unusual situation that I would definitely find a lawyer in Japan and not trust anonymous (but well-meaning) strangers on the internet.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/18 11:53 AM
3

Yup, this is the hardest part of a divorce. My advice is to approach it like eating an elephant: one bit at a time. Decision by decision (bite by bite) it will get easier.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/18 10:43 PM
1

All that stuff is nice but are you either divorced or have a property settlement agreement or separation agreement that was ratified by the court? If you do, the discussion immediately stops and you owe her nothing (and should give her nothing). If you don't, I think you are obligated to split etc since you are still legally married.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/18 05:35 PM
5

This is a good approach. What I suggest is, before you walk into the room with your STBXW, you list out every single issue that you can think of (e.g. splitting Xmas day, retirement accounts etc) and what your position is on each thing. DO NOT BE A JERK OR A WIN AT ALL COSTS TYPE OF PERSON. Also be aware that there will be some things that will emerge that you will not have considered and so be sure to have a process (or philosophy) for how you will deal with them. If the mediator is good, s/he …
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/18 05:17 PM
2

Awesome insights (and I'm stealing that phrase).
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/18 04:43 PM
2

Similar situation with the "complaint of the week" ex-wife and also live in AZ. If you are rotating back in the house on a regular basis (like every other week) and she is rotating out, I do not think that moving out is a problem. BUT, if it ever stops being that precisely equal rotation, get your butt back into the house and do not leave until you have an agreement. If you can be amicable, you need to find a mediator and let him/her guide you through the process. The second thing you need to do…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/18 12:05 PM
1

Just a crazy idea but could you do it online or via skype? I see lots of these places popping up and they would appear to be considerably better than community college grads (not that I have anything against such folks) but not as expensive as the other folks. It would put more burden on you to do it but I think it could be very doable.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/18 03:46 PM
1

This is pretty good self awareness and that is a good first step. If you are not undergoing intense counseling / physician help, you need to be. Perhaps a short retreat by yourself can help you get some emotional distance and create a new you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/18 03:33 PM
1

Excellent. But, be clear, she is going to play head games with you and you need to train yourself to not react to them. My ex was like that and I learned that just ignoring her initial outburst was an effective strategy. But, I had to learn to not react to them. I encourage you to adopt the same strategy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/18 03:31 PM
1

I would be reluctant to get a dog. You have a short term hurdle to get over and a dog is a long term commitment. Plus, you will be entirely responsible for the dog when the kids are at her house and you need to make sure you are up for that. I am not a fan of weekly dinner/breakfasts. They need to know that you are divorced and those things may confuse them. You do need to be respectful etc with your STBX but don't confuse the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/18 01:07 PM
1

She is just trying to intimidate you and she doesn't "own" the kids even a drop more than you do. Lawyer up and don't get caught up in her mind games.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/18 01:01 PM
1

Think of it like a single bucket. The non-custodial parent (you) need to add $x to the bucket and part of that is the portion of health insurance costs that are associated with the kids and the other part is straight out child support costs. The more health insurance costs you cover, the less child support that you will need to pay. Obviously I'm not certain the percentage of the insurance costs that you will be given credit for, but I would be shocked if it were not a significant part.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/18 12:59 PM
1

Yep. That is exactly what happened to me. All of a sudden the fear of the unknown (and losing her) was very real. I simply recalled all of the reasons that I wanted the divorce and the fear faded rapidly.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/18 02:44 PM
1

I survived 3 years without any physical contact. But, I would not recommend it. Absent any compelling reason (e.g. illness), after 6 months it is likely to remain for a very long time. I wish I had pulled the ripcord on the marriage after it went to be a year but she kept promising things would change.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/18 02:40 PM
1

Often they will impute what her full time salary is from what her part time salary is. For example, if she works 20 hours a week, they will double her salary to figure what her full time salary would be. Bear in mind that this is a double edged sword since they will do a similar thing for daycare costs. Also, they very well may give her time to find a full time position and so it may not start immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/18 05:29 PM
1

As long as your state is not an "at fault" state, you are fine with dating. But, lots of women will run for the hills once you tell them that you are not even legally separated yet.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/18 09:02 PM
1

1 - No, you get to keep the value that they had at the time of marriage but any increase (or decrease) is shared. 5 - No. 6 - You split the value in the 401ks (subject to #1) as well as all other accounts 7 - They do not.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/18 09:00 PM
2

Listen to SkeptiCynical. He knows what he is talking about.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/17 10:40 PM
2

Ditto what ripper_14 said!!!
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/17 10:35 PM
2

Welcome to divorce! You will be able to keep the amount that you walked into the marriage with but likely everything else will be split 50-50 using a QDRO (qualified domestic relations order). It is easy and painless but, yes, it divides the money in half.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/17 10:34 PM
2

Please please please see a mediator. If you have agreed on everything, it will be a quick and painless appointment. But, if there are things you are overlooking, s/he can work you through them. No need to be antagonistic but, if this is your first divorce, it is the 500's one for your mediator. Trust the experts.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/17 10:32 PM
2

Brother, everything is likely to be divided 50/50. In my case, I had two cars that, together, had less equity than the single car that she had. She wound up having to equalize that (among lots and lots of other things). Put everything into the big asset pot and split it from there. Do not make the mistake of doing favors: it rarely works out.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/17 10:30 PM
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