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Unusual_University14 Archive

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1

I suppose the big question is how many years until the youngest moves out? You say graduates, but it's not atypical for 18 year olds to stay at home for awhile. Short term, maybe. But then you run the risk of the housing market falling over too. A year or two, sure maybe, 10 years, less so. She could do a HELOC to pay you out too.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 01:01 PM
3

You can't file a new lawsuit from damages or bad faith in an existing lawsuit (and divorce is essentially a lawsuit). It's called "multiplicity of actions". You can get away with alot of "bad faith" allegations in divorce court. You can try to ask for sanctions, but that usually is just getting your legal bill paid for defending yourself. Eventually when you get farther in the process, there will be a discussion of child support and/or alimony and in most places that's a calculator. She will try…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 05:32 PM
3

Odds are you won't be able to make a play for decision-making on extracurriculars based on this alone. Even when decision making is for one or the other parent, there is still a "my time, my rules" clause (namely if there is some extracurricular you want to do with him on your time that doesn't impact her, you are free to do so). Now you know she'll take $50 if she can play a game. Next time you cancel something, get the money out immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 10:10 PM
1

Usually a GAL will interview anyone the party suggests. GALs will talk to doctors, counselors, schools... but beyond that, the parties suggest and the GAL either does or doesn't. So if I had to guess, because your son or his STBX asked them to, likely to make some sort of hay about your quality as a husband.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 10:05 PM
2

Every moment in court is many dollars lost. Could she argue her cruises and your road trip to a campsite are proof both are typical? Sure, she could argue that. But to get to the stage where you're talking evidence in front of a judge, you've burned through thousands to get there. The easiest way to approach that is "she travels and I don't". There is no argument to have and saves you thousands. A lawyer will always advise you on what makes your actions unchallengeable. Judges are also lazy. The…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 04:54 PM
3

In my case, I did the bulk of reading the documents and records and pointing out interesting stuff. Their time is money, my time is my own. It doesn't take a special skill set to see "Oh, hey, there's lots of cash withdrawals here, that is interesting." Or, "this is income from onlyfans.com, that's worth a follow up question". See what they are willing to let you do.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 03:58 AM
1

I'm in Illinois, a similar mom-friendly state. At a certain point, you need to figure out what "the deal" is where he lives. It's what the statutes say in terms of what he can except for visitation, child support, and alimony. For instance, California generally is a "lifetime alimony" state if the marriage was at least 10 years. Having a "stay at home mom" tends to be the worst case scenario financially. Do whatever you can to avoid paying her lawyers. That's a bankruptcy clause.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 03:54 AM
4

Well, in many places, the only exception to the "we don't help people with legal questions" in the court house is an "order of protection". Being the male in the scenario makes people think twice, but the law is the law. You can either OP her out of the house, or leave. The biggest problem with leaving comes in to play with kids which isn't a factor here. So I'd say if you can check all the boxes for an order of protection, go that route because the court should provide you some assistance and b…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 03:30 AM
1

That answer depends on what state. The general concept is called "spousal abandonment". In Illinois, here is some basic info : https://www.sterlinglawyers.com/illinois/divorce/abandonment/ TL;DR there is a defined process for divorce when a spouse "disappears"... it only gets complicated if you had a child with them.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 03:27 AM
2

Do you have any children with her? If not, I'd strongly consider leaving the home entirely.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 03:08 AM
2

I gave thought to this for awhile when I had the "dad schedule". When the kid is very young, there isn't school, activities or much in the way of "life events". But eventually that changes. Seasonal schedule means no going to soccer games or coaching his little league team. You could come back for birthdays, graduations, etc, but you're also banking on your ex being cooperative. The younger the kid, the more courts tend to be biased towards mom. Namely, she could argue the "dad schedule" is best…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 02:43 PM
3

First, every argument in court comes with a dollar sign to the lawyers. If she took $100 and you spend 2 hours with your lawyer arguing about it at $500/hr, that's $1,000. Anything you don't ultimately agree to either has to be litigated or dropped. That means if she took 3 t-shirts and you wants to be compensated and she says no, you could be in court a half day for three shirts. Mediation is designed to get you to agree what the assets are, what the assets are worth, and how to split them. The…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 02:34 PM
2

Not much to add but IL divorce here. My ex has supervised visitation. Now is working full time and gets alimony. We asked for child support in January, hearing in March where judge is taking it under advisement... two hearings since then where he's mentioned CS is pending but no ruling. No way they'd make a mother wait 5 months for child support.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 05:21 PM
1

In theory, given that she is a high earner, it is theoretically possible (if bank agrees) for her to assume the mortgage and get you off of it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 05:20 PM
1

Illinois law is that if you have less than 40% of overnights, you are entitled to no child support.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 05:19 PM
1

I have a pretty close to worst case scenario divorce / custody fight. I avoided the OP because I filed first and I realized she was taping me most of the time so I'd never respond to provocations so even when she brought tapes/video to her lawyer, they told her there was nothing there. She's never tried to get back together (I'm remarried anyway). At this point she has only supervised visitation, but the court drama drags on. We needed to change the date of visitation from Friday to Monday and w…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 04:48 PM
3

Divorce is not final until the last kid turns 18* (even then, there are exceptions). Even then, the legal aspects are a small piece compared to all the bullshit that is possible after the "final orders".
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 04:45 PM
3

How did the hearing go?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 07:06 PM
3

The only reason I put up with it (and in my case it was probably close to 15 years after I realized she was at best a dependent and not a wife), was we had kids and divorce is not friendly to fathers. It wasn't until I caught her planning a silver bullet that I immediately filed.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:56 PM
2

This ^^^^^
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:55 PM
2

The biggest variable is whether this is before a "final order" (they are never really final) or after. Once a final order is in, the court really doesn't want to see you again. Yes you can bring up violations and eventually it may make a difference. Before a final order, you just stockpile it and point to it as a factor in considering the final order. For my first final order, I got 50/50 custody but I made all the decisions, something that is not at all the norm in Illinois (especially when the…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:52 PM
2

It is calculated on its face value because there is a legal process to split a retirement fund (which varies between 401k style funds and pension style funds) without triggering an early withdrawal penalty.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:48 PM
1

I'd assume the judge will just say "order your life around the visitation"... it's just a waste of money. And honestly, about dodging it, I just got lucky. I've rolled an inside straight the entire time between the lawyers I have, the judges I've had, and the experts who have been appointed.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:45 PM
4

It varies by length of marriage and the facts of the case... usually stay at home moms. If you have two "high-earning" spouses, likely no alimony regardless of length of marriage. I got lucky, had my ex decided to just wait before burning it all down, she'd have been a good candidate for it (and by wait, we're talking like 14 or 15 months).
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 05:44 PM
12

I'm kind of a special case. I caught my wife planning the silver bullet, so I immediately filed (the only room an OP request is "scrutinized" is in divorce court). I asked for amicable, and she was pissed and said I don't get that. It's been 5 years and still fighting. She is down to supervised visitation. We have court tomorrow for, among other things, to move her supervised visits from Friday to Monday because the supervisors availability changed, and she is fighting that... not the actual tim…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 04:07 AM
1

Not unless there is some "reason". If a kid has major medical expenses, she can ask. But it can't be "fuck it, YOLO". Well, more accurately, she can always ASK. To get in the door of the courtroom, you have to have some specifics. Here is what Colorado child support office says: https://childsupport.state.co.us/changing-order
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 02:18 AM
1

Usually there are routine periods of looking (say every 2 or 3 years). You can ask in meantime if there is a "significant change of circumstances" which is defined in the laws of your state. At a certain point you can say she can work (depending on her education level). i.e. a 16 year old doesn't need a stay at home mom.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 12:46 AM
1

Dealing with a divorce with ex-wife with significant mental illness. All assets and debts get split, so she may have run up $40k in debt, but that's marital debt. What will determine your future is whether you can come to terms on kids. I'm on custody trial 2, she is poised to lose all decision-making and be reduced to some form of supervised visitation, but pretty much all the assets have been burned in a pile. Maintenance runs out in 6 years and she'll likely be homeless. In this economy I'm h…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 03:26 AM
7

Divorced (final orders 1.5 years ago) with a 20 year marriage and 6 kids and a SAHM. My ex's offer in mediation was essentially she keeps all the money, I get no visitation rights, no decision making input, but she would consider on a case by case basis occasional requests to take a kid to lunch. The mediator came back in and told me I could go, I had to press for his offer because after 45 minutes of trying to get her to be reasonable, she wouldn't. SAHM divorces are the toughest. Because of th…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 06:14 PM
6

The law rarely wins in court rooms. Time, endurance, and money win. There is a reason there are so many personal injury lawyers. Company fucks up and knows the have to pay. So they wear you down so you settle. Divorce court is no different. Lying wins if you don't show up with receipts. Don't get emotional. Just get the evidence and don't spend an ounce of emotional energy on the bullshit. Is she's gone, she's gone. Sounds like you have the evidence. Just show it and move on. I'm going on second…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 06:13 AM
3

What you say she said is hearsay. Contemporaneous notes taken as events happen are evidence. Even then its from a biased party (you). Document everything. A sub-1 year old won't be able to speak to himself. Other than that be a good dad, by the son's solace in the chaos.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 06:05 AM
1

It sucks for everyone really but not much can be done unless she wants to change.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/25 05:45 PM
5

I have a somewhat related similar situation. Last week, after 4.5 years of high conflict, the second custody evaluation hit last week that recommends my ex-wife has supervised visitation in a controlled setting. Custody was "final" Jan. 2024 but the drama escalated. The default here is dad gets every other weekend and a mid week overnight, which is what we had at first, then to 50/50 where I make the decisions, then she lost all overnights with our oldest daughter. Today and handoff she looked t…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 11:27 PM
1

It was actually a shitshow of a prosecution for different reasons. She absconded and was guilty as hell. No defense. At some point the judge was pissed off at the prosecutors and contacted them over email to upbraid them privately. Those emails were discovered after she was convicted and conviction immediately overturned. There's a former congressman who was facing corruption charges who ended up getting off over that judge too.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 01:36 AM
1

Exactly right. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 01:35 AM
3

It may just be an exercise to make sure that the financial reality is what is expected, or they can drag it out. But it's a short term marriage so minimal marital estate (unless you won lottery while married). You've already separated things, so it could be any number of things. I'd say just disengage from it (especially if you have a lawyer) and work on moving on.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 12:53 PM
2

Canada
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 12:51 PM
5

There was a divorce case in town where I am at, I tangentially know one of the parties. Mom was a dual citizen, Dad worked at the University. Mom insisted Dad was abusive and took kids out of country. It isn't a lawsuit to get them back, it's a criminal case. FBI got involved, extradited mom, got kids. She did time, dad has full custody. Your parenting order should specify residence and the terms of how trips (including out of country) should be handled and who has possession of passports. If th…
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 12:59 AM
3

The biggest issue that can drag out a divorce is kids because all the issues have to be decided. In law, time is money. For a 2 year divorce, there is only so much marital assets to accumulate and if there is alimony it will be small. There is only so much to discover. They can try to drag it out, just respond to discovery quickly and move on (unless it's stupid items that are irrelevant). The more you deal with the discovery and evidence yourself, the less the bill is from your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 12:54 AM
1

No deadline? If not, you can try to have your lawyer reach out to hers and see if they can resolve it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 12:52 AM
1

You are overthinking it. She is responsible for "all the things" on her time. You COULD have a two-way amicable relationship where you pitch in on taxi duty on each others times, but its ok if you don't have that either. All you can do is hold her accountable for what she DOES do. Fears and anxieties don't sway the court, behaviors and evidence do. I'll give you one example, married almost 20 years to a SAHM who homeschooled. Eventually I won 50-50 time and full custody (in a state that does not…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 12:40 PM
2

In short, if she doesn't change her mind or you get her to agree, you have to decide if its worth spending money on lawyers, and even then, if its worth going to court. Another commenter messaged that the sword cuts both ways, sometimes absolute compliance with the order then becomes the default to stop the games.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 12:25 PM
2

Where do you think the training data on those AI systems will come from?
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 07:03 PM
6

Failing grades are SUPPOSED to handle the sports issues, you can't play if you're failing. Does your school not have that rule?
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:39 PM
1

My wife is a nurse so yeah that throws a wrench in all of it with 12 hour shits (that last 13 hours). My wife and her ex (nurse and firefighter) have a rolling 3 week schedule mostly around his 1 day on 2 days off schedule, that they've made work.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:36 PM
1

Unless there is a work reason, most people who do 50-50 would do something like week on week off, or 2-2-3 schedules, in part so you can at least have a weekend for trips (or a week if summer). School days are kind of a wash in relating to kids. You get them to school, you go to work, you get them, feed them, do homework, and its quickly time for bed. The weekend is the prime time for quality time. Giving up Fridays kinda nukes that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 12:43 PM
2

Well what she can recoup depends on what country we are talking about. In western law, you get a break of assets/debts. As long as her contribution and your acceptance was in good faith, no. For instance, if she helped you buy a car throwing in 10k to the 20k purchase price, 2 days later you divorce, the car will be worth 15k, she gets half the value. Not half the value plus her contribution. Can she take you to court? Yes. People can go to court for frivolous reasons or reasons where they are n…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 12:40 PM
1

Ahhh, in the case, just have them pay for things directly.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 06:07 PM
2

Morality clauses aren't entirely enforceable, but that doesn't mean she couldn't drag you into court or force discovery if she ever does re-enter the picture. It isn't the kind of thing that custody changes over unless the woman is a child abuser. I'd be sure that you're pretty serious before introducing kids to any woman though... running a cycle of hookups in front of the kids certainly could lead to a change of custody.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 01:05 AM
2

Without kids in the equation, I'm not sure moving out sooner or later matters much, in part, because it seems the musical bases situation is coming up. Staying there has it's advantages, namely, you just stay until you transfer and then you move (making the DOD pay for it) and not having to find a short-term apartment. As far as an attorney, that's up to you, but you should at least do a consult to get an idea how assets would be divided to make sure you aren't rolled. It's a short-term marriage…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 12:44 AM
3

If you want evidence you need to go through your lawyer. Yes, you should review the documents and let them know your concerns. The alternative is they do it, charging their hourly rate. Let the lawyer do the lawyerly things that you can't do for yourself or you'll start getting huge bills. Now, what you do about it kinda depends. Without knowing the full scale of the marital estate it could be a few thousand "isn't worth fighting over" (yes, it sucks). Just file away the suspect transactions and…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 02:26 AM
3

Questions: Can I formally oppose the motion for continuance? Yes, especially if it's without merit. Does her claim of duress hold weight if she signed voluntarily and without coercion? Probably not, but not enough to know for sure. Should I consider requesting sole custody if this escalates? No, that backfires. You ONLY ask for sole custody if its in the best interests of kid What’s the best way to protect the original agreement while being fair to our child? Just oppose the continuance and let …
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 05:23 PM
6

Lump sums are typically not modifiable. It depends on the language of the agreement, but alimony is ongoing support and it sounds like what you have is simply a settlement of the marital estate which is different. I imagine you are SOL but ask your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:44 PM
2

I remember that phase. My ex-wife was under the assumption she would get full say over the kids, I would get to see them only when she deemed it thus and that she would get all my income. I tried to explain to her she had some pretty interesting ideas of what divorce looks like. You don't need to move until a court tells you to, and while child support/alimony are calculators are can be onerous, no court orders dad into a homeless shelter for her to get all the money. Your visitation will look s…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 12:41 PM
1

It's usually a pickup for custody situation and he often does that. My wife (or I occasionally) go to his place to get the kids. The time isn't particularly fixed (there's a default, but sometimes there is mandated overtime and the like), but its a rolling 3 week schedule where it ends up with 50-50.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 05:51 PM
2

Ahh, then sounds like you should talk to the lawyer about going to court to force the issue if the doctor is saying it needs to be soon.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 05:48 PM
5

My current wife has an ex husband who is a firefighter. 1 day on, 2 days off, and they have 50-50. Depending on what state you are in (see: https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/research/dads-custody-time-by-state.php ), her opinions of your schedule are irrelevant. The only control is what you let her have.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 04:45 AM
8

Because if you are still married the child will be presumed yours.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 04:41 AM
1

Your best shot is writing as it as a formal loan document, but honestly, a loan between parent and child is probably not going to be taken seriously as a debt.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 04:36 AM
3

I'm in a maximum conflict divorce, I'm post decree but going on a second custody trial. My ex self-documented in an email to CPS that she was committing felony child abuse, CPS and state's attorney office did nothing (but it will be used in custody trial #2). Abuse allegations entirely depend on how detailed and credible the accusations are. Where I am from if it's "father" against "mother", it goes no where in juvenile court, but I have a good judge who is tired of this all. I suspect ex will g…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/25 04:35 AM
1

If its a "loan" from parents, unless there is a promissory note and interest, probably not. And even then, probably not because it's not like they can't forgive it (and most parents would). The answer to your question is complicated, and you should talk to a lawyer. Short answer is USUALLY for investments, if they can split the ownership of the investment WITHOUT selling that's what they'd do. I wouldn't change beneficiaries while divorce is ongoing without talking to a lawyer, especially if you…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 05:22 AM
1

I was hired as an expert witness in a divorce case to find forgery... it CAN be used depending on the circumstances. But generally, spouses are considered one unit during the marriage... what matters is the context of the expenditure. For instance, forging his signature on his business checking for a cash withdrawal of $100k could absolutely be used.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/25 03:21 AM
2

There isn't one really, it depends on lots of variables (duration of marriages, premarital assets versus marital assets, etc). Most states are basically any asset gained in marriage can be divided 50/50 ish. Alimony is often a calculator.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/25 03:19 AM
6

Divorces can either be settled or litigated in court. When litigated in court, judges tend to go for "default rules" (which vary depending on where you are). What that often means is you can throw $200k at it and end up exactly at default rules. Especially if you're the dad, its a REAL high bar to get them to deviate. Judges don't want to figure out where the kids are on Friday night. Or who gets to play soccer. Did your ex cheat and decide to blow up the family? No one cares. Did you work all t…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 03:41 PM
3

It happens... could be to jerk your chain, could be hard to let go (either of the dream of what she had for marriage or you personally), could be fear of being truly single. Who knows. File for the hearing to get the judgement, either she signs at last minute or the judge signs without her.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 06:25 PM
5

Just totaled mine up, just over $100k in 4 years. Going into second custody trial, finishing second custody eval, and psych evals. Ex is probably around $300k. In a very hostile to dads state and fought to 50-50 with me making the decisions. Round 2 will be her probably getting supervised visitation. I got lucky with great lawyers who simply don't run up the tab.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 06:14 PM
1

Typically this would be addressed in a custody order. Short answer, your time your rules. If you want to take her, take her (assuming it doesn't violate orders or law). Stop letting your ex govern your home. Sounds like she already agreed about July and August, so just do that and don't address the matter again.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 06:11 PM
2

Ask your lawyer what a reasonable amount of time is and then file a motion to get it finalized. She'll probably sign just before hearing. Is MSA is signed, there really isn't anything you can do to incentivize or force it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/25 06:08 PM
1

Making co-parenting work depends ENTIRELY on the other coparent. You can only control yourself. If you have an ex who wants to argue all the time, disparage you to the kids, etc you won't be coparenting, you'll be parallel parenting. If you are one of the lucky ones who can be on friendly terms with your ex, then it's like any other project where you have a team mate you have to work with. But sometimes amicable divorces turn into toxic coparenting when one or the other gets a new partner, has k…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 01:46 PM
3

Start with having consults with the attorneys. I assume kids all out of the house? That makes it a little easier, it's just about money then and splitting (assuming no prenup or premarital assets). The lawyer will give you an idea of what "the deal" is in Wisconsin, but I assume it's going to be something like 50-50 of assets. But once you have an idea what you can expect after the consults, you can try to craft a deal you want to accept. Looks like in Wisconsin long-term marriages could lead to…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 01:39 PM
3

They call it different things in various jurisdictions, but essentially your son needs to file for sole possession of the house. That'd be a simply hearing. Then there will be buying out her share of it. If she fights that value, you usually do something like get 3 appraisals and average them. Then its just math. If the money comes from you, it's a gift and non-marital or like you propose above, a loan. Usually its just a fight over how much the check to her is. But if she doesn't want the house…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 01:32 PM
1

The best way? That she signs away her rights or you "buy" them from her (i.e. give her more than she is due). It seems VA tends to be a 50-50 default state (see: https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/research/dads-custody-time-by-state.php). Marijuana is effectively legal in VA, that issue alone probably won't help you unless she is unable/unwilling to take care of the children. If full custody you mean "decision-making", then hopefully you're the one calling the shots for the kids now and you c…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 12:20 PM
1

Mine just hired her 5th lawyer. It took 3 years to fight to 50/50 and to be the decision-maker (this state is one of the worst for dads as far as visitation). I'm almost 1.5 years post-decree and still fighting. I think she burned up $200k plus to get to the decree (she never complied with discovery for the most part). Dozens of police and DCFS calls (and neither enforce overt documented abuse or criminal behavior by her). We're now on our second custody eval with psych evals and its looking lik…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 12:07 PM
2

TL;DR **if** they could find relevant questions that couldn't be answered in a more convenient way (i.e. asking you to product documents), they'd have to depose her where she **lives** and get the court there to issue a subpoena.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 01:18 PM
1

Gifts usually aren't marital estate, and certainly not afterwards. So even if gift was sent now, it wouldn't matter. If she wants the house, how she pays for it is her problem. But unless there is some offset, if she wants the house & the equity AND half your 401k, sorry that's well over 50 percent of the assets. If she doesn't want to talk about it outside mediation, then stop talking. You don't say what state you are in, most states have a calculator to figure out alimony but length of alimony…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 12:47 PM
8

File First. If divorce is on file, OP generally has to go to divorce judge, the only room those are scrutinized... you may not win, but you have a fighting chance.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 07:17 PM
2

Indiana is an equitable property distribution state which doesn't mean 50/50 per se. Whatever you had day before wedding is yours, assuming you never comingled but odds are they'll just cut it in half. Indiana has some pretty limited alimony laws so that helps. https://www.indyjustice.com/blog/divorce/indiana-alimony-laws/ The house and 401k exist, so there is no real strategy there besides negotiation (and you say she'll fight to screw you over).
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 11:03 AM
1

With true 50/50 custody its a choice. That said, if its for purposes of keeping kids insured and you can document that, go ahead and file with them first. If she has non-taxable income the tax credits don't help her. Tax credits help people actually paying taxes. It'll have to be defined in final order and she'll fight anyway, so preserve the insurance for the kids now. You're not in the wrong to claim them. That said, who claimed them last year (or were you still filing joint then)?
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 12:13 PM
1

The calculator is the calculator... what you propose to settle with can obviously vary. So it looks like it's 30% of your gross minus 50% of her gross. Your fight isn't over taxes, it's what to impute her income at and how long it should be paid and unfortunately you're just over the 20 year mark where it's possible that duration is "life". So you'll want to know her education level, age and ability, and what she can realistically make. If she's in her 40s, you have a decent shot of getting the …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 12:10 PM
2

Make sure to write the central register to mark each complaint as harassment, that makes all the records available for future investigators. Once they see the pattern, it makes dealing with new accusations easier.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 04:08 AM
11

Some good explanations below... all I can say is FILE FIRST. The only room an OP request MAY be scrutinized in if family court, its a well known tactic. If OP is filed before divorce is on file, it's mostly game over. It's all about creating a hard break between kids and you. If you don't see them for 6 months, they'll eventually buy the story that its because you are dangerous and once that relationship is broken, it often doesn't matter what the court orders... the kids want nothing to do with…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 09:52 PM
6

Illinois here too and beat (and continue to beat) the silver bullet attempts. It really is the most viable up front ASSUMING you are maintaining a relationship with your kids. You don't have to worry about criminal charges if you're never in her proximity, that leaves DCFS calls and usually in divorce they are skeptical (especially in proximity to court rulings). Certainly keep documenting attempts to trash talk you or your family, especially if they are things that intimate child abuse/neglect.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 09:48 PM
3

This depends on the precise wording of your order to sell the house... but usually in the states a requirement to sell the house says "highest reasonable offer received". If you're the only offer and you're reasonable, she can't say no. But yes, talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 09:45 PM
5

Catholic here so you have a background of the religious standpoint of divorce. Ex wanted a "trial separation" but would not talk about a visitation schedule or custody, when I found she was planning a silver bullet / OP sneak attack, I filed first (once divorce is filed, OP requests need to go to the divorce judge). I gave alot of thought to whether or not I would reconcile... skipping past the notion there is no way to know if it was sincere or not... a marriage requires trust and some acts per…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 09:44 PM
1

best of luck...
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 04:03 AM
2

By law, you can't really keep a non-spouse on health insurance. You may be stuck waiting for benefit election to boot her off since divorce is so old. But yes, check MSA.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 05:28 PM
1

1) What she intends is unknown... drama, trying to assert control, parental alienation... 2) Absent a custody order, not directly. It may be indirectly used if the judge has to write the custody agreement. If you're going to end up 50/50, it's not like you'll now get 70/30. You could try to get makeup time. 3) Don't. If you have two combative parents, it defaults to mom. If mom us causing problems and dad is trying to solve them calmly, you have an advantage. Never wrestle with a pig; you both g…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 05:27 PM
1

If you know where she lives and she won't answer your calls or emails, drop it off on her porch, take a picture... duty fulfilled. If it's small you could FedEx it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 01:50 AM
1

The calculators really only take into account the recent past but it doesn't sound like a winning formula to go down this road. If you make more than her now, probably won't get it. In my state, there has to be at least a 50% difference in income (no alimony if Husband makes $90k and Wife makes $85k, for instance).
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 01:49 AM
2

COBRA can be used for 2 years post divorce. But that's a full price plan but it's also not Medicaid (same plan and info, just no employer paying a portion).
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 01:46 AM
1

If this is an agreement, then she can ask what she wants and you accept or counter with what you want. Typically CS is a calculator, you can figure out what she's due, what you've paid and look at the difference compared to the cost of the fight and not getting an agreement. But be thorough about what you've paid. Continued to pay her car insurance, that goes into the pile.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 10:22 PM
3

Define "reported it under my name"... did she fill out accident report that YOU were the driver?
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 12:47 PM
5

There is no guarantee if you concede everything that the kids will reach out one day and that she'd let you simply walk. Some women do this to punish men. If you walk, essentially it'll be portrayed as everything is true. It's exhausting, it'll continue to be exhausting but the fight is worth it and it can be won. Once CPS and police figure out the score, the dominos tend to fall quickly with the impact of false accusations. In my case police have been involved dozens of times. CPS almost a doze…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 12:44 PM
5

The one thing no one else mentions is that amicable divorces can sometimes go to immediate total war when one or the other start dating and it becomes known. I assume you are going to settle the custody and financial issues... a new love interest that your STBXW finds out about could blow up the possibility of a settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 12:29 AM
5

You need to tell your lawyer about DCF, you shouldn't broach any of that with your ex. And you need to make sure the kids stay in counseling. Your only answer to an investigator is "Well, I'm aware of what the children said, but I wasn't there". Do not put a finger on that scale but be cooperative, give them orders, let them talk to kids, etc. DCF involvement in a divorce case almost always escalates things, if your ex feels like you somehow engineered the call then she may respond in kind.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 04:14 PM
1

She could call the cops, you could just say "Ok, I'll take kids and go" or "she can leave" (if its at your place). They probably won't disturb the custody arrangement, only CPS could do that quickly. But with 5 calls in, they probably know the score.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 04:10 PM
3

Start exercising, it helps work the stress out of your system. Do something simple like walking outside. Court cases are rarely decided on the law. What decides them is money and emotion, both of which are finite. Take records of the behaviors that matter and just keep it when evidence can be presented in bulk and otherwise emotionally detach. Be mercenary about your emotional energy expenditures. Find something you enjoy particularly on times you don't have kids. I started going to concerts, fo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 04:00 PM
3

Well the good news is that she's essentially managed herself out of the kids lives. The courts rarely like disturbing the status quo and you have a record of her minimal attempts to be involved helped. You mentioned she tried the silver bullet once, I think all she could do is try to call CPS or whatever its called there. But if you have records, you just hand it to them. The key is to make it easy as possible for the investigator who has to make a snap decision to not remove the children. She c…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 03:55 PM
2

If she threatens divorce "and take the kids" as a way to control you, why do you think she'll be trustworthy once you call the bluff. So, yeah, you can always back out and withdraw the divorce. Hell you could remarry her after the divorce if you wanted. But how could you ever trust her again?
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 04:43 AM
3

The answer is complicated depending on lots of details (both your income, debts, assets, etc). The short answer is that both of your lives will have to adjust to a new economic reality. I went from owning a pretty nice home with a pre-covid mortgage to renting (it's not a bad place though, 5 bedrooms). There's only so much money to go around, child support / alimony are calculators, and you aren't on the hook to pay all her bills and then try to pay yours. In short term, it probably means econom…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 08:14 PM
3

When you start deceiving about easily verifiable facts, it's never a good day.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 08:11 PM
1

She could not lie because she knows it could be perjury. It sounds like she is doing all she can to keep the money flowing and its a familiar problem in family court. And it sounds like you have data to follow up with when you get her discovery so its more leverage for a quicker settlement. "If you make me fight you on this in court, I'm going to prove it, prove your lying, and then ask for sanctions"
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 07:25 PM
2

Best of luck!
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 07:23 PM
12

She crossed some pretty bad legal lines... it sounds like she knows she's in trouble so she doesn't want to show up in your state as a way of avoiding charges. Waiting for Tuesday sucks but is a good plan. If Marshals show up, there is no way to do that without traumatizing kids but you need to start planning on finding good counselors quickly... As far as the brother, I'd seriously consider an order of protection, if he said "put a stop to you" versus say "put a stop to your nonsense" that clea…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 07:21 PM
7

My uncle was a divorce lawyer and then family court judge for almost 20 years. I asked him once how he knows who is lying in court... he said "that's easy, everyone is lying". If she's had a kid with AP, you pretty much have cohabitation. Divorce court knows women go out of their way to play games to keep the alimony flowing. One of the reasons it changed from "remarried" to "cohabitation" was women would simply live married and wait a few days after the last alimony check to legally get married…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 07:17 PM
2

Reading the statute here (https://oregon.public.law/statutes/ors\_107.159) its 60 miles from you. So they could relocate again, but it's keyed to where you live. Your parenting order may have something different, but probably not more liberal than that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 07:08 PM
1

That's a very precise question that depends on the precise wording of the law and your parenting order. The best answer to your question will come from your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 06:48 PM
4

Every state (assuming you are in US) has criteria to weigh this requests. In mine, part of the criteria is its impact on the visitation schedule. The fact that it's 50/50 make it a high bar. She can ask, but ultimately it's what is best for the kids and long moves are inherently disruptive. You mention no family or friends for kids in new state, that's also helpful for the case ("the move will disrupt their school, their social networks, etc"). Judges also don't like the kids being involved abse…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 03:08 PM
18

The primary goal is to emotionally pressure you to give up, to wear you down you'll take a shitty deal just for it to be over. Start working on how to not let it get in your head.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 04:28 AM
5

1) False accusations can have an impact, that's why (usually) women resort to them in high-conflict divorces. Lawsuits aren't about the law... they are about resources. You have so much money to fight with and so much energy to devote to living. You exhaust either and attrition gets the outcome, not the law. That said, when you go off the rails accusing your own attorneys of malpractice, you start to lose credibility quickly and once it's lost in a case you don't get it back. 2) Every state has …
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 04:27 AM
1

Anything earned and accrued from wedding date until divorce is marital (so if you now have $20k more equity in house, that can be split). It's a short-term marriage so it's more in your favor than not. Assuming you don't have kids, this is a financial transaction. Unfortunately, in litigation, the litigious party has an advantage because every 6 minutes with a lawyer costs you. So it could make financial sense to throw her an extra $10k for a nuisance settlement because the fight could cost you …
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 05:19 AM
7

Typically inheritances (if you haven't comingled) are personal and not marital (though this is a jurisdiction specific question). I think you have a good shot protecting that piece of it, but this is a lawyer question, brother. It depends on the laws of the state and the specific judges of where you live. If I was betting, I'd bet on you, but this isn't a gambling question. Not with those dollars.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 05:13 AM
6

Running and staying hidden is exceptionally hard and requires hard cash. It takes extensive planning and savings. You can't run to obvious places (mom/dad), you have gotta throw all devices in trash and get burners that don't positively identify the customer and STILL there are ways to find you. A 5 year old and 8 year old can't be coached to lie with credibility, they'll tell someone something. If the kids aren't in school, eventually someone asks questions... you can't get away long term homes…
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 05:09 AM
1

Oh we did, I guess I wasn't clear, it was allocated come final order, but until we got there it was a fight. I always had at least one more than 50% so was able to claim HoH... I'm remarried now so that will be a big load off come April 15.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/25 05:03 AM
3

Oh yeah, in my case it was a big hit just in tax liability... it sucked. And it was an annual fight over the child tax credits even though my ex didn't work (so tax credits did nothing for her except to help in apply for welfare because child support and alimony doesn't count as income so on paper she was indigent despite being a home owner).
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 05:13 PM
9

Mediation works only when two sides want to reach a deal that both will accept. I can't speak to what your ex-wife's intent is, but considering some of the backstory, I wouldn't be better on a fair settlement emerging. Some jurisdictions require you to attempt mediation... in that sense, it's just another box to check anyway. Some jurisdictions you cannot use what happens or what is offered in mediation as evidence. It is VERY important to know what the rules are where you live regarding it. It …
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 11:42 PM
2

This depends on the precision of the wording of the order (assuming selling the house is in the order). Usually orders to sell the home require accepting a reasonable offer, but if there are no stipulations, then really you are either in negotiate or fight territory. Generally speaking, it's not a strong position to negotiate with a hostage taker which is what's happening here. So it's really a question for your lawyer and part will depend on the dollars involved in the sale compared to the doll…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 11:39 PM
6

You're doing the biggest thing... having records of what is being observed and recorded by an independent professional. Is this post final orders?
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 09:04 PM
2

I mean it happens... everyone wants to be the hero in their autobiography. My ex called everyone we've known for 25 years, including my mother and grandmother to try to take her side. It kinda pissed me off. But then you realize who your friends are (they don't want to hear it) and who are just the people you happen to know.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 02:40 PM
5

Highest possible score is zero, brother. Most people don't want to be in the middle of any of that shit. They REALLY don't want to have both warring spouses in their ear. You true friends will reach out and maintain a relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 02:26 PM
3

Alimony is rarely modifiable once you agree to it. Child support is always modifiable. You just have to do the math. A divorce lawyer is X/hr. How many hours will it take and how much will it save (for instance, you could ask for a credit for the 17 year old, but that's only for however many months until he ages out).
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 01:32 PM
5

My ex was planning the silver bullet so I filed first. I did want to comment on something. If you've been in a relationship 20 years, I'm guessing you are both 40 some odd. Dating is VERY different in your 20s versus 40s. As a man in your 20s, you're just another penis clamoring for attention. If you have a job, take care of yourself, and have your shit together, a man in his 40s can be a hot dating commodity. As a woman in your 20s, men chase your. A woman in her 40s options significantly dwind…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 01:27 PM
6

If you don't have kids, move out now. She won't call your director, that's a mutually assured destruction plan. She can't ask for money you don't have based on a job you lost because she blew it up. If you're recording each other the relationship is already toxic. If you don't have kids, move out and then file and be done. Even if she calls your director, anyone 30 and over knows at least someone who has been divorced and that bullshit flies thick in divorce. "Hey, your wife called making all th…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 01:23 PM
1

There is no advantage to waiting for an OP, it just means you're presumed to be an abuser, you won't get to see the kids until a reason sets visitation (that's assuming she doesn't sandbag and delay that)... If you are expecting an OP file first. The only time an OP is scrutinized is when a divorce is already on file (and even then your mileage varies) and usually the OP has to be heard by the divorce judge, not just whatever judge is on-call for those cases that day. Grey rock her, don't respon…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 01:20 PM
5

Focus on the mission... more time with your kids. The kids will eventually figure out on their own who is their fortress of stability and who has other things to do. You need to get the kids to fully functioning independent adulthood. Hell, use the time to take them on vacation.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 12:54 PM
1

It sounds like they know the score. The decision to open an investigation is made by the person answering the phone at the hotline. There isn't an "oops" button for the most part. Once the call to open is made, they have to finish an investigation. Given the investigation, ask the investigator if they have "in tact" family services. Many states have programs to help families stay together when they intersect with CPS. If they do, be frank about what is needed, getting kids into counseling, whate…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 12:52 PM
2

Given the distance, I don't see a plausible way for 50/50. School nights are out from the get go. So let's say every weekend you get Friday and Saturday for 38 school weeks ( 76 days). Of the 16 weeks remaining, say you get 10 of those ( 70 days), that still only gets you to 146 (36 days short of 182). That's about 40%. Also bear in mind once the teen years start in earnest, they'd want to go out with friends and the like, getting buy-in from them for every weekend will be a tough sell.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 12:48 PM
7

Actually, unfortunately, your friend also needs an attorney. A subpoena is not a voluntary document, you cannot ghost it (without consequences for your friend). An you need to be REAL careful in this situation. You helping your friend craft a response, who is now a potential witness, can be legally problematic. To your question, yes it "can" be done. But most places the law changes were adultery is more or less off limits (unless somehow there is an impact to the kids) EXCEPT for one question, s…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 12:43 PM
2

That's correct. Anything could still happen, but your odds are looking good. They usually opt to take kids and ask questions later.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 12:36 PM
1

I don't know how law in VA is, but typically in parenting plans where I'm at, they define the custodial address for purposes of other statutes (i.e. residency of the child when it comes to public school). So first question, is that defined in your parenting plan and is that plan "final"? If so, that will be center of gravity for the dispute. The one thing in your favor is you are a home owner and she is a renter, so you have somewhat of a presumption of permanence. But I'm not sure what else you…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/25 05:56 PM
5

Given the allegations, if CPS didn't immediately take the kids from you, that gives you a strong indication of where they are at. They could "find" something, but in these cases, it's take kids and ask questions later.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 12:46 AM
2

You probably want to go for the two bedroom. In 3 years, they'll be 6 and camping out on the couch won't be viable. Convenience doesn't hurt in the slightest, being a single dad and working (even if self-employed) is rough and ever minute commuting in a car is time spent not making money.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 05:30 PM
2

Yeah, it probably seems like a waste, but you want them to feel home in your life too.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 01:53 AM
1

You can, and it's reasonable to ask but maybe a break on money going back in forth to pay for new stuff. In a negotiation it's all about getting to yes. Maybe a few thousand more from the marital checking in lieu of swapping stuff..
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 11:11 PM
4

You COULD but don't invite people into your divorce. They hate that shit. If you go far enough in litigation where there is a custody evaluation (or whatever its called in your state), that person may want to talk to some people, but until then, be in court, be the reasonable one and let the judge make up his own mind. Judges know when you ask "friends" to be witnesses, they'll be sympathetic to your side. You picked them for a reason. Let the independent experts (if you get there) figure it out…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 07:31 PM
5

If you are amicable, you can split it however you want that's "fair". Frankly the "small stuff" doesn't really have to get valued unless you really want to fight for a precise 50/50 split on the cookware. An amicable divorce is worth its weight in gold. If you can agree on the house and retirements and big ticket stuff, then divide the small stuff however. If there is some thing you have emotional attachment for, ask for it. I personally wouldn't fight over appliances mostly because the cost of …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 07:29 PM
11

Let me paint the reverse scenario for you. I have 100% with 2 kids, 50% with 4 kids. I can move up to 50 miles without issue per the law of my state. I live in a rural part of the state where my only employment opportunities are remote. I used to travel the world for work at the top of my profession. A typical year was 200,000 miles by air. My financial earning potential has dropped significantly as a result. Could I earn more if I moved, absolutely. But the kids would be worse off for it. Kids …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 03:57 PM
1

It'd kinda suck, but what would you do with them otherwise on summer break? Camp out on the sofa?
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 10:31 PM
13

The only reason to care if she's involved with someone is if you pay alimony or he's a convicted child sex offender. For the first part, alimony ends when she cohabitates. For the second (assuming you have kids), it's a significant change of circumstances because of child safety.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 07:56 PM
2

Glad to help. Happy New Year!
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 06:50 PM
4

Instead of BPD, let's call it high conflict personality and in that case, they'll often threaten court. Ignore it. Or if you feel you have to respond say "let me know when the court date is". Until there is a motion with specifics, its just her taking up mental real estate she is not entitled to. You have a finite amount of emotional energy, every ounce spent on her cannot be spent on you, your relationship with the kids, or building a life you love. Never wrestle with a pig; you both get dirty …
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 06:42 PM
1

When you have visitation you have to have space for them that's adequate. So unless you are planning on having visitation near them in a hotel, you probably need to have space for them.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 06:38 PM
2

Eventually the bigger ones can mostly take care of themselves... and then the real worries begin. :)
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 02:29 PM
3

Well if she's living in some random guys house, it's a good opportunity to get alimony stopped (assuming you are paying it). Otherwise some exes just like making threats from time to time. Any emotional energy spent on your ex can't be spent on things you WANT to spend it on.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 02:51 AM
3

I'm remarried, 6 kids from previous marriage, she has 4 from her previous marriage and we have a baby together. Most of the my previous marriage kids are relatively neutral to her, though the youngest and my wife are kinda BFFs (and she loves her baby sister). A couple of the kids and step kids get along, the rest are fairly neutral. Of the 11, 6 are teens who kinda do their own thing anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 02:50 AM
2

Best of luck and Happy New Years!
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 11:03 PM
1

Going into any negotiation/mediation you need to know what you'll accept and what you'll start with. A lawyer can help you be specific. There is nothing saying you can't be "more generous" to get to yes (as any money spent on lawyers is lost to you both) but that yes has to be something you can live with. If you have a decent relationship with your STXW, you could bullet out what your lawyer thinks is marital, what is non-marital, and what he 50% is and ask her to do her own research before medi…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 10:53 PM
2

Correct, there is only so precise you can be with this and you should run the specifics by a lawyer, but odds are for you to buy her out is less than what it would take her to buy you out as a result. For mediation and/or a settlement to work, she'd have to accept that though which means she'll need to talk to someone who lays it out mostly the same way (and hopefully not a lawyer with dollar signs in his eyes who is happy to take money for a losing fight).
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 09:43 PM
2

Those would typically be excluded from 50/50 calculations then. So home value - mortgage = equity. Equity - down payment paid from inheritence = marital home equity. She'd get 50 of that, probably. But in mediation anything kinda goes, you can propose anything you can except anything... it's getting to yes.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 08:48 PM
5

Mediator is cheaper than a lawyer, but only if you are capable of agreeing. If it's a 50/50 state, you kinda know where you need to get and there is a question of what assets can be offset with the value of the house. You said it was bought with "your money"... is that pre-marriage or inheritance dollars? If not, it's likely marital money. And I went from owning a 4400 sq ft home with a pre-covid mortgage to a rental, it does suck.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 08:43 PM
1

Happy to help, hope it leads to a little more peace.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 07:05 PM
3

You could also have him read : https://www.amazon.com/BIFF-CoParent-Communication-Difficult-Emails-ebook/dp/B08MC218BD/ref=sr_1_1?sr=8-1 But really that's going to come down to similar advice you already have here, he's got to learn to ignore the nonsense and ultimately stop letting her control his anxiety level. Could simply block her number in the evening or be liberal with "do not disturb" mode. Given the distance, it's not like any bona fide emergency needs his response at 10:30pm at night b…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 06:55 PM
1

Your big variable is whether or not you have kids.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 06:42 PM
2

One way or the other (even if a messaging app is involved) he's going to have to learn to ignore unless a response is needed. You could pursue some sort of harassment allegation, but odds are not much will be done. Option B, get a second phone, let everyone he wants to know have the new phone number and the ex has the old one. When she gets out of hand, put the phone on do not disturb and throw it in a drawer.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 06:38 PM
1

In theory, as the target of the accusation you can immediately inform them. Criminal charges took a long time to get all 50 states on the same system. CPS (and its iterations in the various states) don't have as easy of a time, but if they are made aware by you then they can check. Consolidation and dismissal for multiplicity of issues can only be used when you're in a hearing and by then you already have a problem. Usually for CPS, an early step is to meet with the accused where you can bring i…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 05:32 PM
3

In theory, she should only either be able to file where the kids legal residence is or where the abuse happened. You should be either able to consolidate cases back to the same judge or close the duplicative cases. There is a legal doctrine called "multiplicity of issues" which generally prevents filing the same things multiple places.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 04:59 PM
1

I did. It didn't win.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 01:21 AM
1

Yup, fighting is expensive and there's no way around that. Even if you represent yourself, experts and all the other things (and time spent not just in court but prepping pleadings and all the shitpaper) takes time away from making money. If you can get a fair deal that's workable for the kids, that's always best. In my case, that wasn't an option.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 01:20 AM
4

The financial side of divorce is pretty straight forward unless you have ambiguity (for instance if you own a private business or have assets whose value is subjective). If assets are X, then its a question of dividing them and picking a percentage or some fair allocation. Alimony is a calculator. Without kids, it's hard to be vindictive in a way that slows the process. In essence, every dollar spent on lawyers comes out of her share of what she'll be getting. Make things as easy to divide as po…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 04:24 AM
3

If you are nearing the finish line, don't tell her. Honestly, until she meets the kids its none of her business what you do in either case (and not really much of her business even when she does). But letting her know is just asking to get an almost deal blown up. If you're near the finish line, get across.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 11:13 PM
1

I got a handful of obnoxious messages today. It's just the deal. As far as pushing for supervised visitation, it isn't something you want to be seen pushing for. She has to cause enough serious problems that she can't be trusted with the kids. Mine kept the kids out of counseling as long as she could even though there were issues with suicidal ideation. Kids were behind academically and she'd interfere with getting them help. There were obvious problems with straightforward solutions and she'd s…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 11:11 PM
1

Divorce was done in 2022, final custody order was Jan of this year. So this is "post-decree" drama. She kept calling CPS on me and they found out there were major problems with her, so lots of fallout and she's on her way to supervised visitation.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 08:59 PM
3

You should fight... if they knew you'd be gone and especially if they didn't properly notice you, then you ask to reconsider, lay out the whys, and have an actual hearing on the merits. In any other courtroom, that kind of stunt gets sanctions.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 08:13 PM
1

Yeah that last part is my biggest struggle... I can make more money, just not where I am and I can't get on a plane anymore. Last month was expensive because it was two hearings that significantly reduced ex's rights due to lots of problems she's been causing with the kids. It was bad enough judge basically took away all overnights with our oldest daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 08:11 PM
4

My ex played the same card (though I ended up filing first). I said there is no way I leave without a signed and enforceable custody agreement which she refused. It was because she believed that my access to the children should be dictated by her. At least she filed for divorce instead of the surprise OP. Almost everywhere unless there is a surprise OP the order for "sole possession" also includes a visitation schedule.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:37 PM
2

That's my single biggest piece of advice to anyone looking at a high-conflict divorce... if its over its over... just file first.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:47 AM
2

Check the court dockets... many of the jurisdictions allow you to search cases by lawyer. See who actually goes to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:46 AM
2

It takes both sides to choose peace but only one to choose war. Mediation only works if both sides want peace. Which situation are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:13 AM
1

I'm 3.5 years in, almost 1 year since final orders. My most expensive month was November this year. Next year will be worse. I'm closing in on $100k spent (ex is somewhere between $200-300k). You have sole custody so you're in the drivers seat because child support is always modifiable and is a hedge against any financial games she plays. I have to be very mercenary about my time and MORE importantly my emotional energy. You have only so many fucks on a given day, and if you spent on your ex you…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:12 AM
3

First, is your state a 50/50 state: https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/research/dads-custody-time-by-state.php In my case, I do not live in a 50/50 state (much less), but I have 2 100% and 4 are 50/50 now. Remarried with 1 baby. My professional life got quite challenging. I made tons of money when married (pre-pandemic) but I traveled alot. A typical year was 200,000 miles of flying. I can't get on a plane now easily, and I live in a rural area so an office job even remotely in the same brack…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:03 AM
1

I have kids from end of school until Dec 24 at 6pm.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 05:37 AM
1

Oh make no mistake, there is plenty of that. My ex admitted in writing to committing felony child abuse in an email to CPS. State's attorney noped out and made them close it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 04:30 AM
2

Once it starts, it doesn't end. My ex and I live close but two different towns. The police in both towns know the story. Early on I gave no-trespass papers to ex and her parents but I refused to do handoffs at police station. She can drop them off at the "curb" (rural town, no curbs, but essentially street-side). We are never closer than 50 feet without many witnesses. When she plays games (usually after dark) about kids not wanting to come to my house and walk across the yard for visitation, th…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 04:22 AM
4

Good luck, make everything as evidentiary as possible. You filed married/joint the last few years, those financials will matter more than what she says moments after the divorce is filed.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 04:17 AM
1

Well ignoring judge's orders are a dangerous territory, when both sides act up it defaults to mom. Forensics is likely the judge's way to get an expert that isn't the parents to figure out what to do. In my state it's called different, but it ran $22,000 to get her recommendation for a custody eval (and we just started over doing it again). I can't even tell you how many time police and CPS have been called. Dozens, easily. For instance, my ex lied to CPS about having an OP. At first the believe…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 02:21 AM
1

How far are we talking about moving? Across the country? Yeah, there are some controls for that. Next town over where there isn't much of a hardship to exchange them? Probably not.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 10:14 PM
2

There isn't anything you can make a judge do. You'll have to let alot go and focus really on the shit that matters. For instance, my ex homeschooled the kids and said they were doing fine academically, we got them tested and they were up to 2 grades behind in some subjects. You gotta get out of the realm of he said-she said. Either rely on experts or evidence and even then, filter to the shit that's really impacting the kids academically, medically, etc. In the above case, her BS impacted the ju…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 10:05 PM
1

Mine simply only recognized the contributions within the four walls of the house and was fond of saying "contributing to family life". I'd try pointing out there'd be no house if I didn't work to pay for it, but no dice. Now, that said, a new mom with a young baby is its own hard time especially if there is post-partum depression. A baby (especially if nursing) takes it out of you. This might be overwhelm and not just unrealistic expectations. Any possibility its that?
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 09:47 PM
3

It's easier if its amicable because no one is trying to get people to choose sides. Just be matter of fact, "We got divorced, I wish her well, and we're trying to be as amicable as possible". And then leave it at that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 05:09 PM
7

My ex also had unrealistic expectations but even if I put 168 hours a week into everything she wanted me to do it wasn't enough. Lots of people do shift work, and working only 14 days isn't a bad deal. Firefighters in places work 24 hour shifts every third day. I tried to lay out the math and she'd always say "we could live off less salary", eventually I challenged her "then why are you spending 10-20% more than I bring in every month, show me a few months of not overspending and then we'll talk…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 04:43 PM
9

Something I remember from a divorce recovery group I was in... leader said "You never really get over it, you just learn to live with it". And he happily remarried too. I'm remarried and every now and then do something (or not do something) that's really more an artifact of muscle memory from the previous marriage as a survival skill that just isn't necessary any more.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 02:59 AM
10

I'd fake death to avoid my ex too....
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 07:40 PM
1

I had a similar experience with mediation, over a year in, I said what I wanted and straight to the point. He went to talk with her, 45 minutes later has said mediation is over and I can go. I had to twist his arm to ask what she wanted, he was like "why, there is no way you accept it". I wanted to know where I stood a year in. She was inflexible, she wanted me to have no say over any decision regarding the kids, that I have no visitation rights (absolutely zero), but she would consider my reque…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 12:56 PM
2

Divorce was filed early April 2021, temporary orders in late May 2021. Went through about $20,000. It calmed down a little while after that and picked back up. My decree was final June 2022. Final MSA and parenting plan Jan 2024. I've clocked in $90,000 so far (my ex is probably north of $200k, went through 4 lawyers and now pro se). In court mostly every month and probably by summer she is downgraded to supervised visitation for everyone. And I live in a place lawyers charge $250 hr and its abo…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 12:51 PM
2

They usually rule that if she worked like that during the marriage it was because you were ok with it. Divorce freezes status quo and if that was what was tolerable for you, then that's what the calculator will be based off of.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 12:48 PM
0

I did have a plan (though timetable was moved up some once I realized she was planning a silver bullet divorce, which only applies for underage kids for the most part) and certainly did consult an attorney. Without fighting over custody it makes things easier, it's just a question of alimony and splitting up marital estate.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 12:47 PM
10

I had to summon all of the muscle memory from military service over two decades ago of needing to maintain military bearing no matter what the drill sergeants were doing. That training comes in handy... for instance at the end of the clip pay attention to the testifying admiral's expression: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cesSRfXqS1Q
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 01:18 AM
1

Feel free to run it by your lawyer as there is variance between counties, but it doesn't look like the statutes will help you so you have a very steep climb that will all but involve trying to prove she's a less than fit parent.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 08:16 PM
3

Take a look at this chart, that'll give you an idea of the odds of 50/50. https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/research/dads-custody-time-by-state.php GALs favor the status quo unless there is a high bar met. So if you are giving up days, they're just gonna do the math and see maybe 5/14 days works and is the status quo. That means every extra day you can pick up with the kids because she wants to do whatever, do so. Go above and beyond. Always remember this: Dads do not win custody... mothers …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 07:29 PM
3

Yeah, nothing prepares you for the feelings when you see how the divorce impacts the kids especially when other parents doesn't do what they're supposed to do
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 06:53 PM
2

"Pending investigation" doesn't trump court order. They COULD motion divorce judge based on pending investigation to change things, it does not empower them to do whatever they want. That's the judge's job.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 05:35 AM
2

That sounds suspiciously like it's still in legal effect. Or did they withdraw the complaint? If so, parenting order is in effect and if they ran into court and backed down on TRO but still won't do visitation, the judge will probably be less than pleased. One thing I thought of, in my state CPS has "in tact" services (designed to keep families together). When my ex started making complaints and they asked if I needed services I said "Hell yes" which embeds a social worker in the family who help…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 05:33 AM
3

What does failed to hear TRO? The postponed hearing, no one showed up to prosecute it? Short answer is there is either a TRO or there is not. So come the 2 week period, did it get extended or dismissed? If dismissed, then its your holiday period. She can refuse, and you could potentially get "make up time", which is a poor consequence.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 03:13 AM
1

Some of what you say have the hallmarks of a woman who doesn't want to be mom either. The goes to your favor and that's where the nastiest fights can be as a woman tries to cut you out of the kids lives out of spite. If you have two rental houses, assuming equivalent value, that could be an easy split... you keep one, she takes one. If she wants to be a disney dad, just get that shit in writing. Where you'll have the fight is alimony and potentially child support. So what I'd try to do is get te…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 02:54 AM
2

You can't make someone be a parent... especially if they are the not-primary parent. If she doesn't take him for holidays, you can't say tough. If she wants to give him back early, you could, in theory, be elsewhere, but that's not the point. It DOES suck for your kid and eventually they'll figure it out even though you can't tell them directly. Make sure he gets into counseling to deal with maternal neglect because that ghost will follow him into his relationships one day. As far as going for c…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 08:14 PM
2

Yeah, you got hosed. I'm sorry, man. At least its over and you can move on, but still a bitter pill.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 08:11 PM
2

I hear it all the time and it's slapped down all the time. You can hem and haw about what the routine should be (5-5-2-2, 50/50, 3/4/4/3, whatever), you just create something and move on. Not creating it and saying its too disruptive is just a control play to keep you out of his life. The specifics of the schedule won't matter to your son when he's 30, your meaningful involvement in his life will.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 05:28 PM
3

Sometimes the highest possible score is zero. The best play is to not play at all.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 05:10 PM
2

First, you can't make her leave the house. You could file for "sole possession" or your aunt would have to evict you both. Second, you can't manage her, even if she was emotionally balanced. All you can do is make it worse. I filed first, I simply said "I've failed for divorce and for the children we can do this amicably". She did go off the rails and said it absolutely would not be amicable. And it has not been. Say it direct, matter of fact, and move on. Everything from there goes to the lawye…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:24 PM
4

The short answer is no... assuming you started the marriage at 0 or its a short term marriage, she'd due half. California is particularly rigid. If you have been married 10 years, you're probably on the hook for lifetime alimony. You said entrepreneur, so I'm guessing that wealth is in part a business or businesses you've built which you really can't hide. You can just try to get a fair valuation and you may have some input in that. I have a business... I never did the things necessary for it to…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:21 PM
2

I was upfront about the status I was in and having kids. I'm sure some never engaged or noped out quickly but honestly that's perfectly fine. I was also upfront about what I was looking for. Some women simply don't want to engage until the divorce is final, some don't want to deal with a divorce if kids are involved or if its contentious. No one here is in our 20s, no one has time to put up with things they don't want, so yeah she may wave off but she has just as much of a right to establish par…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:17 PM
2

Just the W2, 230k (you could add a little more from adjunct professor pay, about $10k a class but different employer).
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:11 PM
2

Child support is always reviewable, so if you agreed to a lower number she could always have it revised up. Alimony rarely (but can) change... but if you aren't paying her alimony and she cohabitates, you still on the hook for full child support. Versus say $450 child support and $400 alimony. She cohabitates, and alimony goes away with no change to child support. That say, child support goes away when the kid graduates high school (slight variations between states) and that could mean as little…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 02:33 AM
1

Meaning make sure they can't be liquidated. 401k and pensions are "owned" individually (even though marital) so she can't call up say Prudential and say cash out the 401k. What you want to do is prevent her from being able to take something, turn it into cash and spend it. And freeze your credit.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 02:18 AM
3

All you can do is your best... my temp orders was every other weekend and midweek overnight... it was a rough road, but have 4 of 6 kids 50/50 and the other 2 100%. Model what you want your kids to do when there is adversity... adapt and overcome.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 01:33 AM
1

Other commenter made mention of it... the kid is 22 so doesn't matter (except MAYBE college expenses). Since there is no kid, there isn't a state agency around who will chase you for child support, so you get to make some decision. Do you care about the house? If not, simply move out and leave. Figure out if your in a state the ends the marital estate with filing or a final decree (if the later, RENT a place, do not buy). Other than that, lock up the assets (I'm guessing retirement funds are the…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:46 AM
1

At different points when I was engaged to my ex, two different priests told me not to marry her. One I talked to not too long ago and remembers the situation well. It helped the annulment sail through (we're Catholic).
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:42 AM
8

I went in writing off all assets as a total loss when I filed (house, retirement, everything). On temporary orders she got child support and alimony at around 90-95% of my income at that moment. My business was pretty passive income so it was easy to just get a W2 job. That single decision saved me from paying her legal bills when she found the most combative divorce attorney in the region (they moved the court I pay her fees on Dec 22nd and I cut an immediate $50,000 check... there was maybe a …
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:39 AM
6

Well, default in this case doesn't necessarily make it simple. Divorce is really three lawsuits in one. First is the divorce and ending of the marriage. That is a given. The other is "what to do with the kids". If you don't have them, its irrelevant, but default really doesn't remove her from the equation, it's simply not a good look but people get pissy when they find out they're being divorced. She'll always have a say in this, it's not like default will terminate her parental rights. The last…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 08:19 PM
1

Gotcha, well in theory it should have come out of the marital estate of been explicitly allocated... if not, it's basically a negotiation and a somewhat faustian bargain. If she pays her half and will, all good. She could not pay hers and the IRS won't care when they come after you both. So really it depends on the cooperativeness and ability to pay on your ex's part.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 07:08 PM
1

The answer to this question really depends on what stage your divorce is at. If it's final, that debt really should have been somehow allocated. If it's not final, the answer is "it depends". It's both your debts, but the IRS doesn't care who writes the check. If you have lawyers, odds are you can get something in writing. From time to time, for various reasons, I've gotten agreements that say "I'll pay this, but the payment is subject to reallocation later" and then use that as a credit for som…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 06:28 PM
4

There is no jurisdiction where she can simply take your daughter and move. It's your daughter too, so either she is willing to do coparenting (which you don't mention) or she simply thinks her dissatisfaction means you don't get to be a father either or that your fatherhood is simply something to be permitted at her discretion.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 01:10 PM
2

If it's in foreclosure, do you collectively even have funds to save it anyway? Lawyer can't make money appear. As far as getting to 50/50 custody, that depends almost entirely what state you are in and hopefully it's one of the ones that says 50% on this map: https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/research/dads-custody-time-by-state.php
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 04:29 AM
11

I often say "every divorce is different... but really they're all the fucking same".
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 04:27 AM
1

In Texas, 50/50 is rare, I've seen 57/43 mentioned a bunch, but decision-making almost always joint in some form. There is always a restriction about moving. See more here: https://guides.sll.texas.gov/child-custody-and-support Just chill, always have evidence, and be the reasonable one. Asking for more than what you can get in court is common tactic to try to force a settlement better than you can get in trial via emotional attrition.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 04:19 AM
4

I can relate to this as well. My current wife and I had similar (albeit mine was worse) relationship dynamics and we both have high conflict exes (mine worse). We just kinda get where each other is coming from and we both wanted to show our respective children what a normal healthy marriage looks like in an attempt to hopefully prevent family of origin cycles from perpetuating through the generations. From our previous relationships, we have 10 kids between us. Only difference is we both wanted …
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 08:24 PM
2

If you both agree, legal fees are pretty cheap... it's just turning your agreement into legal paper a judge can sign. If it's a knock down drag out... well, then its expensive and the lawyers walk away with the assets. So hoping you and STBX can come to terms quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 04:17 AM
2

If you don't have any kids, hopefully you can agree quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 04:07 AM
2

I pay mine every month in full, one of the few bills I pay first. This is one bill you don't want to rack up, especially in a contentious divorce, as it only ends in bankruptcy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:10 AM
1

This is a short term marriage and I assume no kids... abuse CAN potentially play into settlements but for a short-term marriage, things are pretty simple here. Given there are no kids, really its a question of finances and while on paper it doesn't play a role, if the judge has some discretion on the division of the marital estate, it may favor you somewhat.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:06 AM
1

No divorce in progress, not easily. The only possibility I could think of is file for an OP and ask for protection for the kids at which point you can't see or access them until the full hearing on the OP. That said, that threat would be a major red line for me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:03 AM
1

Yeah, not looking at the specific wording, but you may be SOL there. Hopefully a good lawyer can help you out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 01:57 AM
2

Depends on what you mean by "came to agreement". Is there a signed agreement on file with the court? If the answer is no, there probably is no consequence and you're probably on your way to trial. If she blew off a verbal agreement, no point in doing anything other than getting a written, signed, and filed-in-court agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 01:05 AM
2

I mean if there is enough fighting, yeah, the judge could go item by item, but it's not a question of who gets what, it's what to do with stuff neither of you want. I expect what judge would do if there is a settlement hearing is ask her if she had a counteroffer, if not, and yours is reasonably, may accept yours, may come up with another number. Another answer is you come up with fair market value of all that stuff (and that isn't the same as buying on Amazon today, it's used stuff) and divide …
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/24 12:58 AM
1

The status quo can be powerful, but it has to be well documented and evidentiary. If you have a good lawyer who does nothing other than family law, he'll know your likelihood with the judge. I skimmed law in TX on child support payments, yeah that kinda sucks that it doesn't consider recipients income.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 11:07 PM
1

Total up her share, compare it to hourly rate of your lawyer. You COULD try to take it as a credit to her share of 50% but that's a negotiation, which means time, which means legal fees. If it's hundreds or low thousands you spend more than you get. If we're talking $25,000, it may be worth fighting for. It's just the shitty mercenary math of the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 11:04 PM
1

When you say temp orders, are these something you either agreed to or the judge imposed? If not, its just a piece of paper with opinions and likely posturing to try to get you to settle for something they know they won't get in court. Temp orders if they last long enough tend to become the status quo. Exclusive use of the house may or may not happen, but eventually there will be 2 residences anyway. The law almost everywhere doesn't let mom move the kids anywhere in the country at will once divo…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 10:28 PM
2

Based on comments elsewhere in the post it seems like she's throwing child support in there to scare you. The calculator is the calculator and she and her attorney know it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 10:22 PM
1

I'm not sure what she's talking about with insurance fraud... your income situation is your income situation (unless you lie about it). The obligation is yours. That being said, if she puts in writing that she'll put the kids on her insurance, that's not a violation of court orders, that's an agreement but it could open the door to asking for more child support as insurance costs are usually part of the calculator (but that's kinda pointless in short term being unemployed). She may think its a v…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 06:47 PM
1

You CAN do it yourself, you don't have the emotional distance to do it yourself. If she's off and ghosted, it really helps shorten the process. Filing freezes the status quo and in your case it's that she disappeared and hasn't seen the kid in 6 months. Without filing she could, in theory, come back home tomorrow and live there. Cost is a question of time and how much fight she has and the state you are in. But 6 months and a trail of DUIs paints a pretty strong picture. It'll be a question of h…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 06:44 PM
1

I think you should have a new lawyer review that. More importantly, was this order imposed by the court or was it an agreed order you accepted?
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 01:51 PM
3

You saw you co-own it, the question is do you want the house (she certainly doesn't seem to). If yes, offer to give her the portion of the downpayment she put down. If no, agree to sell it quickly and split the proceeds. If she is sincere about resolving quickly, then those are really the two resolutions.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 01:49 PM
6

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 02:49 AM
2

Ok so rereading this, the status is you've filed but she is evading service... eventually the court gets fed up and you can serve her via alternate means (newspaper, email, whatever your locality does). If she doesn't show up then, things get decided "in default" which is VERY hard to undo later. So in essence, you gotta run a clock and make a good faith attempt to serve her and get her in court. Once she is served, she can stonewall all she wants by silence... things just happen without her. An…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 10:44 PM
3

I have one client, that's who the invoice goes to. Now that being said, it isn't like I would ever see that invoice presented to OC who then reimburses my client. I don't do split billing because I can have only one master. This is ESPECIALLY true for court testimony. Either I'm a controlled expert (on the payroll of a party) or an independent expert (on the payroll of the court, where they may split the bill). It has to be absolutely clear who the boss is. So either the bill goes to party A, pa…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 10:39 PM
5

Similar dynamic. About 10 years in, I essentially both gave up on her ever really being a wife, friend, or partner and a gave up waiting for her to be ok with me living my life. So from about year 10 to the divorce in year 20, I firewalled my life. I traveled the world for work and am the top of my field so most of my social circle was there. Real talk, professional conferences are networking and social outlets. It's the masturbation of the business world. I stopped talking to her and stopped ta…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 10:32 PM
2

Straight talk here. Why? You can't make or influence her to do anything. She's checked out and with someone else. The only thing you need to do is what gets you legally able to move on and put her in the rear view mirror. Every minute and dollar spent beyond what gets you to finalization is wasted and cannot be gotten back. Either one, she is fully checked out and things will just happen on auto-pilot eventually or she's stringing you out and you should invest exactly 0 emotional energy on her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 10:04 PM
2

Yup. It's awful, but the law is the law at the time of your divorce. It SHOULD be better, but that's a fight for state legislatures. That said, I'm in a 40s rank state... I have 50/50 time and full decision making of 4 of 6 kids and have the other 2 entirely. But that isn't because I "won" it... it's because my ex "lost" it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 10:00 PM
7

If it says "in all court orders she has stated it's her that is paying", nothing more needs to be done. The order is the order. I wouldn't call an appraisal an expert, from time to time there could be splitting of costs, but if they intend to use the appraiser as an expert, then it's their expert (you can get your own if you want). I do expert witness work... either one party and only one party pays me, or the court pays me (but reallocates the costs to the parties). Both parties paying me is a …
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 09:58 PM
1

I mostly developed new hobbies. I never used to go to concerts (neither before or during previous marriage) and do now when I can. How about a comedy show... usually some catharsis to be had there.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:16 PM
9

Here are the facts of your case that I can see: - She has nominal involvement with your child. - She is already in a romantic relationship - She earns more money So at trial, the judge is going to say the status quo for your kid is X we'll keep that. Child support and alimony are calculators and that is that. And she's not due alimony but you may be. The ONLY card she has is to get you to settle and the primary tool for that is emotional. Trials almost always settle out of court, which means if …
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:14 PM
3

Lawsuits (which divorce is one) is RARELY about the law. Almost EVERYTHING settles out of court, so in cases where emotions are high (like divorce), emotional attrition is a tool to grind the other side down. This is a negotiation, a business transaction. You let her make you miserable, you give her a tool to get something that she can't get in court. You don't say where you live or how many kids. That said, this is a state by state guide of the average outcome for fathers by state: https://www.…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:08 PM
1

It's all calculator driven... a quick google search found some. Assuming $40k is a legitimate earning potential (i.e. she's not an MD working at a grocery store for artificially low income), it should be straightforward in your case to calculate. It seems Michigan is open-ended for duration of alimony but you have a short-term marriage so a very good chance of not being permanent. That said, you are asking very precise questions, most divorce lawyers will do a consult and if the facts are straig…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:01 PM
5

First, you say "temp orders"... is that her proposal, or something signed on by a judge... if it's actually signed paper, you are going to have to fight the status quo, and that's a tough fight. I would say TO YOURSELF "And I want a 16 inch dick that spins", and then verbally reiterate your offer as is. YOU cannot make her realize anything. SHE has to realize it. Her thought process and conclusions are not your problem. If you want the mercenary follow up, you say this is my offer, I'm content t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 02:55 PM
1

Let me get this straight... you divorced only having worked 1.5 years in federal service, but the wording says she's entitled to half your FINAL pension? How long were you married? In the end, I don't think the QDRO vs COAP issue will be that big... if the wording really is "half of your pension" and you do it by COAP instead, it's "sufficient compliance". I don't think she could turn that into, oh, QDRO doesn't work... give me 100%. When dealing with wording issues like that, the focus typicall…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 02:42 PM
2

She is imposing the terms of an order of protection without actually going to court to get it. Eventually, when a divorce is filed, that will be accepted as the status quo. More importantly, your kids see that level of protection and even if their mom isn't being explicit, they'll eventually connect the dots and just assume your abusive and unsafe. But no sound relationship can ever be built based on complete subservience. She is setting the terms and telling you what you can or can't do and ass…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 02:39 PM
3

No one wants to be dragged into divorce court, especially to testify. Temp order hearings are usually quick anyway (a few hours) so not much time allocated for testimony beyond the parents. But if you want to piss everyone off in the room, you drag them to court... needing them to get a good outcome after doing so is a bad bet. If there are school records that say that (for instance some tablet used to sign in / sign out kids), maybe get the records, but if you can't do it that way, just say you…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 01:46 PM
2

Gotcha... well best bet is to get the kid established in his routine and preschool arrangements (whatever you do next). She can try to argue for a different arrangement off of "future" living arrangements, but until they are actual, usually not much changes. That could be the negotiation stance... "we'll discuss when this actually happens" as you have no idea if she'll move out of her parents house in 2 weeks or 2 years.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 01:42 PM
2

Gotcha, well if you don't want the house and she's not there to stop you from selling it, hopefully that relieves some pressure.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 01:40 PM
1

The asset value is (value - liabilities). She's trying to say mortgage payments made during the marriage shouldn't count against her, but assuming you didn't keep your finances completely separate during the marriage, those payments are marital. I'm guessing the numbers between those are substantial. An alternative approach could be Today's Value - 2014 Value and then you're just using the appreciation. I suppose its apples to oranges, just use the same formula for both properties. Or do three i…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:31 AM
1

Kids are a big variable, you didn't mention if you had any. Beyond that... have you recovered from your divorce and learned what your mistakes were and what you won't do again? Not what SHE did wrong... what YOU did wrong. If not, I mean socially see people, movies, concerts, whatever, but a serious relationship means you've taken stock on your part of the marriage breakdown, learned lessons, and ready to start again.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:26 AM
1

Counter offer (and it's strong), the kids residence stays where it is so they have the same school and social network and activities. The residential address is MOST meaningful for one reason... where the kids go to school (assuming public school). How old are kids? I mean, the week is kinda weird, neither of you would every have a weekend to take kids anywhere or a weekend by yourselves. Courts love the status quo, if you've found the 223 works, your counter could be "we've done this for 18 mon…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:24 AM
5

It's a short term problem (that sucks). I'm guessing no kids. If you are on the title, move back in and reassert ownership. If she's ghosting the process, then she'll get whatever the judge thinks is fair. She moved in with AP, so alimony probably off the table from the get go, so just division of marital property and you could have your lawyer attribute the late fees and debt to her neglect and use that as a credit against her share. The judge may or may not let you do that, but if she is ghost…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:19 AM
2

Part of that is a cultural question depending on where in the world you are. A suit never hurts. But I wouldn't go out and spend big on new clothes either (that in theory could be used against you). You want to look like you have your shit together and are a responsible adult. If you're an iron-worker making $50,000 a year rolling in with an Armani, that sends a very different message. Nicer than what's normal without going overboard.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:16 AM
8

I bifurcated my life... I took a travel job and when people asked how I dealt with her for so many years I told them the marriage was pretty good when two weeks out of the month there was an ocean between us. The pandemic hit and she started trying the silver bullet and I immediately noped out instead. I just ignored her, focused on rocking my professional life, keeping a strong bond with my kids, and just living life.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 11:03 PM
1

Gotcha, without getting too much in the weeds, if you have temp orders but sole custody, you're in the drivers seat and the court isn't happy. The datapoints of you filing for child support and her leaving her job are inflammatory on its face without much need to explain. What that more looks like is that she wants to reduce her income so she doesn't have to pay child support, and that always ends poorly.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 11:01 PM
1

Typically, alimony is hard to modify upwards after the divorce is final (but it is possible), child support is always modifiable. Basically a judge will have to decide on the why of her employment situation, but I'd simply just keep notes and wait to see if she tries to go to court. There isn't anything you can do to stop her trying, so just keep the records and focus on living life and being a father to the kids. Living under fear that the ex could do something is just a way to give them space …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 03:57 PM
8

You don't saw what state you're in, but this gives you an idea of what's typical: https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/research/dads-custody-time-by-state.php Almost every state has "the deal" regarding custody and division of the marital estate. Since she is already being supported by her AP, that may (given more data) close the door on alimony/spousal support based on the cuckold clause (you don't have to pay to support someone else's woman that they should be supporting). Start by contacting…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 03:52 PM
1

When a child is very small (sub 1 year), practically its hard for the father to get much visitation. Is the baby nursing? If so, I don't see how overnights can practically work unless she's willing to pump and you're willing to feed the baby and even then, eyebrows raised all around. 1 week may be long for a smaller child to be without the second parent, it'll largely depend on well the kids can adjust to that. And sure, you could have a second residence near mom and work remotely 1 week a month…
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 03:45 PM
2

I was open that I had kids, what status my divorce was it, and when I was free and not free. I actually had a pretty ok time with dating. No true nutballs but I simply just noped out early on and they were easy to spot. I approached it as mostly a social outlet. I had to rebuild a social network and had kidfree time to go do things... worst case, I got out of the house and had dinner or saw a movie. Ended up marrying a wonderful woman I met from FB Dating (tinder felt like I'd wake up without a …
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 07:03 PM
1

It was one of the signs my ex was about to jet with the kids and do the silver bullet. I filed immediately as a result, froze my credit, and since I was sole breadwinner, I controlled what money went into joint account (was half for about a month, and then we got temporary orders). We did nothing about what she drained until it came time to do the division of marital property and we simply applied it as a credit to what she would have gotten. Between that and some other financial stunts she play…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 07:00 PM
2

1) It couldn't necessarily hurt to see if you can agree amongst yourselves, but do not be cow-towed into accepting something unacceptable. Don't let fear of court by your negotiating principle. **IF** you can negotiate amicably and fairly, it is always better than trial. That said, when you agree on bullets, you probably should have an attorney draw up the agreement. Ultimately, if you want a divorce you have to go to court, and if you have everything in writing and agreed to, it's a very easy a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 06:58 PM
9

I filed because I caught my ex planning the silver bullet divorce. She has never forgiven me for that because it closed the door on what she wanted to do (separate me from the kids for months, pile on the alienation, and when I finally do get to see kids, they want nothing to do with me). She's been trying repeatedly ever since.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 06:52 PM
4

The answer is it depends on the state and how they treat an 8 year marriage. I don't know of anywhere that end with lifetime alimony (but it's never completely out of the question). Assuming they don't have kids together, she'll be expected to work eventually, but the alimony will be temporary and based on a calculator in whatever the standard is where they live.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 06:49 PM
1

Then we're talking a business deal. For that additional 7% of overnights, what can you offer her that she values the same or more than those nights? Could be money, longer periods of time over summer... its a give and take... you know what your take is, gotta find the give that gets it done and that assumes she wants to deal.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 06:47 PM
1

What probably is the legal answer is that absent an order, if she's on the title, she has rights to be on the property. The practical answer is, she moved out and you didn't change locks so ignore the request. She COULD get her lawyer involve to bug your lawyer, then someone will have to figure out the answer. You don't owe her anything except what a parenting plan requires. Same for bank statements. Yes, she is entitled to them, but you don't have to jump every time she wants a record. If her l…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 11:46 PM
3

Depending on the state, they are usually not enforceable and the courts don't care unless he abuses the kids or is a pedophile. That said, this does END any obligation you have for alimony so if you are paying that, you absolutely should talk to your lawyer about invoking the cuckold clause and stopping those payments (child support is a different matter).
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 11:42 PM
3

Eventually being an obstructionist is used against you, but not for years. Things only happen fast in legal disputes when people agree. Otherwise you need to go to trial. There are lots of opportunities to settle along the way, but if you have someone that wants to drag it out, there isn't anything you can do aside of let the gears turn slowly. It takes two to choose peace but only one to choose war. Best I can tell you to do is if there isn't going to be a settlement is to detach from the proce…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 11:40 PM
2

First, take a look at this and something like it: https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/research/dads-custody-time-by-state-appendix.php Colloquially, I refer to this as "the deal"... it's the default custody arrangement in your state (counties may vary a little). If "the deal" in your state is 50-50, your job is easier. Almost everywhere they've come up with calculators and conventions so the courts don't waste time figuring out what is what, they simply plug in the numbers and that's what you …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/24 03:55 PM
3

Divorce freezes the status quo until you can figure things out. If you file, she can't simply take the kids to Canada. If she won't give you something in writing that is binding, there is a reason. When it was clear my ex was planning and working on the silver bullet, I filed immediately. You could always agree later to let her and your son move to Canada and ensure you have the appropriate paperwork in hand.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/24 03:52 AM
–

It's usually up to the filing party to have the summons served on the other party (usually by a sheriffs deputy). The first court date is really to ensure both parties are there and aware there is a case, unless someone files a motion, it's little more than to acknowledge a case exists and for the lawyers to make themselves known. This is what legal aid says about the process in CA: https://selfhelp.courts.ca.gov/divorce/start-divorce/serve
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 08:45 PM
1

My ex continues to make abuse/neglect allegations. At this point a social worker is assigned to the family and I just forward it to them and say "investigate if you want". If told the older kids who complain about the drama that I'm sorry, but this is something that will continue until their parents are dead. They just have to find their way to navigate through it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:53 AM
1

Ok, so that's her proposal. An award of fees happens when there is a divergence in assets. If she makes more (and especially if she has access to the assets), she isn't going to get it. 99% of law is negotiation which means another side asks for more than they'll get in court just to get you to agree to something they can't get when a hearing comes around. For temp orders, all you can ram through is "the deal" for whatever that means where you live. To get anything more, there needs to be an all…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:47 AM
1

Well it sounds like the kids are worried too. If you want the kid gloves approach, you ask for supervised visitation with a step up on various milestones related to her treatment / sobriety. Of all of what you say here, it's the driving drunk that MAY get her this outcome (probably depending on if the kids were in the car). But real talk, if your lawyer is saying go for it, you probably should go for it. At a certain point, if you sit on your hands while this is happening and child protection se…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:43 AM
2

4-ways only result in settlements if the parties want to settle and offer things the other will accept. I had exactly one 4-way in my divorce. We walked in having no idea what they wanted, they wanted me to agree to reduce my time 60%. I walked out of the room because my ex kept interrupting me and making accusations. The conference ended shortly therafter. 4-ways CAN work, but the variable is, does your ex-wife want to settle and is she willing to offer something you are willing to accept? If i…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:40 AM
1

For a temp custody hearing they make a minor difference, but temp orders are almost always "the deal" in whatever jurisdiction you live in absent something extraordinary (i.e. beating the kids). And if its that, a declaration doesn't get you there (need to have a hearing on the abuse allegations + cross examinations). "The deal" where I live is dad gets every other weekend and a midweek overnight. Some places it's 50-50. Temp orders there is no time to really figure things out and strictly speak…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 04:36 AM
1

Are the temp orders approved or is it just a proposal? What are they?
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 02:50 PM
5

Every state has "the deal". That's the default custody arrangement. Some states (albeit only a few) the default is 50/50. My state is every other weekend and a midweek overnight. If you want anything other than that on either side, it requires a significant reason and a really good case. As the penis holder in this arrangement, going scorched earth is usually the last thing you want to do. I have 50/50 with 4 of 6 kids, 1 she essentially disowned, another she lost. I got that because I did very …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 06:57 AM
7

I didn't have sexual abuse allegations, in the neighborhood though. My ex wife went to child protective services. In my state they have an intact families program where a social worker comes by and connects you to services to help keep the family out of foster care. This was a life saver. The second my ex made an accusation when CPS came by and said do you need services I said "YES!". It isn't that this social worker does much, but keeps a massive paper trail so that when the accusations ramped …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 05:41 AM
3

If she's making allegations, she gets no direct contact and never any physical access without witnesses. The judge told her the score, if she has a settlement she can tell her attorney than can tell yours.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 12:51 AM
2

My ex does similar (I was waiting 40 minutes tonight, in fact). Generally, they'll order make-up time. My situation is a little more egregious (I can't even tell you how many CPS allegations or police calls there have been). My ex essentially disowned oldest (of 6) and lost all overnights to kid 3. I got a backdoor way of getting fees paid. Well, more accurately, when it came time to settle the marital estate, we put all the legal fees and costs for shenanigans against her share of the estate. S…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 12:49 AM
4

The biggest question is whether your ex-wife wants to foster a relationship with the kids and you or not (and that willingness can change over time). That said, I have 6 kids with my ex-wife. The attachment and divorce related issues are most prevalent in the teens, the young kids adjusted pretty quickly. You'll want to get as much as you can and work on those attachment concerns now. Early on there was some crying and "I want mom" and that sucks, but if you don't build that attachment now, when…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 12:33 AM
2

The biggest variable is length of marriage. You imply it was short and part will depend if they integrated finances (the separate credit card debt seems to imply perhaps not). The second biggest variable is how much they want to fight about things. If it's a short term marriage and they agree to take whatever is in their names and go their separate ways, it could be quite easy. VA is an "equitable" distribution state, so may not be 50/50... just looking for fair. If they've been putting into the…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 06:30 PM
4

When the divorce was filed I was already essentially alone (at least as far as romantic companionship). I filed divorce around 9am, around 1030 am it hit the docket and then went to tell the ex-wife I filed. In the driveway back to work a woman was already sexting me (if that's what you're in to). Dating as a man in your 20s, your just another penis. In your 40s if you have your shit together and a job, the dynamics change radically. I couldn't handle Tinder (and the constant fear of waking up w…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 05:50 PM
14

Very much similar, the way she ran the house just made everything more difficult. Not only is it easier to keep things clean, it's easier to do things in a more sane and efficient way without having to run around.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 05:47 PM
1

I saw in another comment she's been recording you. If you're sure, then file for divorce immediately. There is only one reason to do that, to find something to substantiate a DV allegation.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 08:28 AM
5

I had something similar happen to me. To your question, it's a school and they are protecting access to children. Access to get your kid or your kids events they can't stop, but they do have policies to filter who volunteers and has access to others' kids. My ex has made numerous allegations to child protective services. I've asked them to permanently assign a social worker for a variety of reasons, but mostly so there is a long paper trail. I signed up to drive my kid and others on a field trip…
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 04:29 PM
2

My ex had the kids tonight for dinner, they are here now for thanksgiving with my family. Initially it was a bitter pill that there had to be either be two different events for the kids for the same holiday or it was either-or. My ex wanted to exclude me from everything so now there are no joint events. It sucks, but its better than yet another fight in front of the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 04:13 AM
1

Largely that depends on the state you are in but short-term marriages generally don't involve a lot of alimony (if at all) and the marital estate depends on assets acquired or grown during the marriage (what you brought it is yours, and generally easier to prove for short-term marriages). The duration depends entirely on the other party. It takes two to choose peace, but only one to choose war. Just make sure you have documentation to substantiate what you brought into marriage and just check ou…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 10:20 PM
10

Teens will start poking to get around discipline and use the divorce to their advantage. They test boundaries and consequences anyway, but the divorce gives a unique opportunity to do so. You are entitled to discipline as you see fit (within reason). The money means your ex was involved in the conversation. So she tried to use the opportunity. But it is a developmental stage for teens as well. I get this with my 14 year old daughter from time to time. My kids have brought up money before, and I …
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 05:15 PM
3

Don't let your ex manage you out of your own life. In all but the most rare cases, parenting plans entitle both parents to attend kids events, sports, et al whether or not its on "their time". Be involved in your kids, let the ex to be background noise.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 05:11 PM
1

Divorce was filed in 2021, final in 2022 (custody and financial fight dragged on but resolved in 2024 but still in court). The last 10 years of that not-marriage were made livable by my frequent travel. If it weren't for the kids, I'd have been on the road every week. I particularly liked round-the-world trips which had tickets that had to be at least 14 days of travel (i.e. you'd have to not be home for 2 weeks). People who know now how the marriage was asked how I lived with it, I told them th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 01:32 PM
2

Does she not have the ability to know what the assets are? Are there separate accounts? If things are still joint she has the information. If she wants to present the terms of a deal, tell her to present the terms of a deal. The financial affidavit is a tool of litigation to support discovery. So if she wants to settle, then settle. I'm guessing considering you're talking about financial hardship, there isn't a bunch of stocks, inheritances, trusts or anything like that running around. Give her …
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 01:10 PM
1

It depends on the Sheriff or process server's schedule. That being said, service is just a means to effect appearance in court, it isn't required if both parties simply agree. For instance, I know my ex-wife had a lawyer, I filed and once it was stamped, I told ex and my lawyer e-mailed her lawyer who agreed to accept email service to avoid the impact of a cop showing up in a squad car handing my ex papers in front of the kids. Once I was sued by a politician for defamation because I asked to se…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 01:20 AM
1

Makes it less likely its used against you... at least effectively. That said, financial affidavits almost everywhere require full disclosure of assets and liabilities and co-signing is a liability. There isn't an ethical way to hide that you did it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 01:13 AM
2

Once you have the final decree and parenting plan, judges hate reopening it without a real good reason. The reality is, you don't control whether or not you go back to court unless you're the one filing motions. She can file whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Ignore the yelling, or if you want to be firm, just say "Ok, let me know when the hearing is." Just keep doing the right things and have a record that speaks for itself.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:50 PM
1

There is no idea to know what will or will not be brought up. That said, until divorce is both final and alimony/child support is fully satisfied, your ex is entitled to full financial transparency from you. That means the liability would need to be listed. Whether it negatively effects you, it's hard to see, but anything unusual can be questioned and if it is, even if your answer is acceptable, you gotta pay the lawyer to deal with it. If your lawyer says it won't be counted as a negative again…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:38 PM
1

Talk to your bank, assuming her finances can handle the mortgage, you may be able to get her to "assume" the mortgage. It's much easier if she's already on the note. It bypasses the refi but only if the financials still check out.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:34 PM
1

Option 1: Is the shipping cost more or less than the emotional cost of bullshit? (You're right, if lawyers get involved, it'll be much more than that dollar amount). If so send it, and realize the window of being made to jump hoops ends with that expense. Option 2: Did she have a lawyer? I assume one who is local, if so. Deliver it to their office. Let them figure it out.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:32 PM
1

I mentioned this in another post... I filed first once I got wind that a false DV allegation was coming. Once a divorce is filed, the possibility of a surprise OP and 10 minutes to back while being walked out of the house by cops in front of the kids is over. I have full custody (decision-making) of all kids, 50/50 on 4 of 6 kids, and 100% on two others (one she disowned, another one she lost). My lawyer and I have often said in various ways, men don't win custody. Women lose it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:27 PM
2

I can't speak to the specifics of NJ law, but I filed first in Illinois. We still have young children. Filing first has one advantage almost everywhere, it shuts the door of being blindsided by an OP. The normal process for an OP is the (usually) woman goes to court and immediately goes to the judge. If you say the right things, you get an emergency OP. Then a sheriff's deputy goes with woman back to the house, the Sheriff hands you some papers and tells you that you have 10-20 minutes to get yo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 10:24 PM
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