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alphasquish Archive

View 6 posts and 211 comments by alphasquish on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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85

Same age as you and I’ve found men in our age group are just fucked up. They are man-toddlers that can’t get it together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 11:26 PM
115

Simple man = I am a jellyfish with no spine, no boundaries, no concerns, and you can be anyone as long as you fuck me, adult on my behalf, and don’t need anything from me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 02:36 AM
11

YES! They get them on the rim too. Clean up after yourself and put the seat down you buffoon!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 02:11 PM
96

Or man pubes on the rim of the toilet 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 10:50 PM
4

I posted about this too! Ben is so skeevy, he deserves to be doubly scrote roasted!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 04:58 AM
13

My bootlegger great grandmother from Boston would beg to differ….
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 04:56 AM
51

These are some great lists! I would add that I wouldn’t date someone less than two years out of a divorce, or at least 6 months - 1 year out of a LTR. I would also avoid anybody that has been out of a relationship for at least these lengths and is still not over the person. Either of these scenarios generally indicates emotional unavailability, triangulation, and you becoming a rebuilder/emotional airbag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 04:53 AM
19

I knew it!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 03:56 AM
52

I see a lot of men in their late 40s+ like this. Their heads get fucking huge. Like literally physically large. It’s gross!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 03:56 AM
29

I agree. I think where it gets somewhat murky is when you starting getting into the 40s and 50s. I am in my early 40s, and most of the the guys I’ve dated in the last few years have been 10-13 years older than me. I used to think men at this age were more stable and commitment oriented. Unfortunately, it seems men in their 50s are just fucked. I haven’t met any that have taken ownership of their baggage..it’s like they are content to just exist as-is until someone comes along that will put up wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 01:52 AM
24

This is actually my biggest point of contention and the most LV aspect in my opinion. Those poor kids. I don’t recall a back tattoo, but I’ve probably blocked it out. Like Gigli.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 01:29 AM
39

Yes! He’s like a walking caricature of a Boston douche.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 01:27 AM
20

Agree, he’s a total dick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 01:27 AM
45

J Lo has made some questionable choices. As u/pinkblair99 said…she needs FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 11:44 PM
43

He is, the first time I saw him, which was in Good Will Hunting, he sleeved me out. I was like, is he…acting? I think this is actually how this dude is in the real world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 11:43 PM
26

Stat!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 11:41 PM
40

This, for real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 11:41 PM
119

Of course it’s the woman! It’s ALWAYS the woman 🙄.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 11:03 PM
281

They have children together that are old enough to peruse People and read this tripe - why the fuck would you go discuss this aspect of your personal business years later? Ben Affleck has always struck me as being a complete douchebag as a significant other, but he’s also quite obviously a LV parent as well. Just an all-around scrote in every department.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 10:33 PM
13

admits to previous marital infidelity admit to being the other man for a married woman after being single for awhile. take his phone to the restroom with him at home and/or if you are out. has late phone calls (say, after 9pm) from women that you have never heard of. bad gut feeling that something is up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 04:10 PM
6

I think this also applies to those of us that are 35+. I’m in my early 40s, and the men I’ve dated over the last couple of years have been 50-55, and they have literally all been totally fucked in some capacity. They don’t get wiser, they just get more comfortable in their own shittiness because it’s worked for them for 50+ years. Taking a break now, but will not date over 50 again while I’m in my current age bracket.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 08:03 PM
8

Solo travel is so freeing! Love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 12:51 PM
12

We need a whole series of Disney screenshots with FDS verbiage!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 04:03 AM
3

🍷🍷
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 01:05 AM
2

Please do and report back with your mood for life! 🥂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 04:31 PM
3

Skol! 🍷🍷
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 04:30 PM
3

Salud 🥂!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 04:30 PM
2

It was ; cheers!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:56 PM
1

I hope you do, was awesome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:55 PM
1

It sure was!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:55 PM
4

Do it if you can! Been months since I have and it felt great
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:54 PM
2

Cheers 🍷
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:53 PM
5

High fives all around!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:53 PM
9

Doing things solo is incredibly liberating. You don’t have to hit the pause button on anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:53 PM
16

🍷🍷
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:52 PM
25

Thanks! Dining out alone is awesome. I plan to do it more, and thankfully the place I discovered tonight is perfect for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 03:37 AM
21

That’s very true, and while I can’t necessarily treat myself to filet mignon dinners out on the regular, I certainly to make simplicity, self-care, professional success, and organization a way of life. 🍷🍷
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 03:12 AM
21

🍷🍷
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 03:07 AM
5

I hate this question as it implies there’s some deep seated external reason I am single beyond my own choosing. I’ve actually used “because he’s buried in my yard” a few times, depending on how repulsive I found the asker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:49 AM
30

Thanks! I think so too. Been a long time coming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 02:43 AM
3

We get ulcers and an extra heap of trauma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 01:39 AM
9

Five words: a nurse and a purse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 01:29 AM
17

Agreed. In the flip side…I think withholding or being cagey about critical details is also a red flag. As an example, if you start dating someone and he leaves out or obfuscates details (in my case, it was his ex’s drug problem and how severe it was as it caused MAJOR issues throughout our entire relationship and length of time he’d actually been divorced). Admitting a significant issue with an ex could absolutely be construed as oversharing, but if it’s something that will potentially impact yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 06:37 PM
27

Oyyyy….wow. I’ve been this girl. It’s hard to see it when you’re in it, especially if you haven’t gotten to a point of having any sort of epiphany about your dating history. I started to have mine around early 30s, but it’s taken a couple of experiences to really shake my foundations because I avoided dating quite a bit. I wasn’t having the external experiences that really forced me to do some really internal introspecting. Ultimately, the way people treat us isn’t our fault, but it is our respo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 05:23 PM
3

I think the red flag is more how they treat animals…not just cats, but all companion animals. Some people don’t care for animals, but are still respectful of them and would never demand you get rid of beloved pets. Some people can love pets, have several, but take shitty care of them. And of course, some people can hate cats and be abusive towards them, but love all other animals. I think overall behavior and treatment of pets (their own and other people’s) is definitely something to vet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 02:06 PM
18

After finding FDS and internalizing a new way of looking at things….I am so fucking mad. I tolerated way too much, sold myself short in almost every way imaginable, and am just now working through the trauma of some of it (some of it I previously worked through). No more half-ass cool girl, low-maintenance, “I totally understand” bullshit. From here on out, it’s excess my standards or fuck right off. This goes for men, friends, and myself as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 02:34 PM
2

Agreed. I’m in my 40s and have trended towards dating about ten years older. I’ll stick with dudes within a couple of years from me loving forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 02:00 AM
5

Gen X here. It depends on the source. If you seek advice from low value older women, you will get low value advice. If you seek advice from high value older women, you will get high value advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 12:41 AM
4

This is so spot the F on. My ex monkeybranched from his ex to me. Of course, she was “crazy”. I wasn’t a fan, but while she did say some off the wall things to me, she wasn’t totally off base about him. Difference is, she was so twisted up over him, and he knew it. He has heard nary a word from me in months. I do know he tried to monkeybranch from me to someone new online within a month of us splitting. These guys don’t care - it’s not about you, it’s about having a constant emotional airbag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 12:38 AM
1

I know! Sometimes I read posts and comments on here and I’m like ooooof, me too. It’s crazy how universal some experiences are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 12:53 PM
4

Thank you! I was doing some googling the other day. Turns out there are some physiological changes in our body that occur the day after drinking that can increase anxiety. Made more sense after reading that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 12:51 PM
6

That’s how I’m starting to feel. It’s like trading health and peace of mind for caustic social and emotional lubricant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 12:48 PM
26

Yup. I’ll be real here and say I used to find it very validating if a guy pursued me after a breakup. It tweaked all my pickme buttons. My most recent breakup really changed the way I look at that though. I almost married this person. We went through a TON of shit together. I was an emotional support human builder extraordinaire. When I ended it, I was in a terrible state. I had so much love for this man, but the chaos of his life did me in. I’m still processing and learning from this experience…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 05:12 AM
21

Profound indifference is it’s own kind of bliss!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 04:40 AM
5

Same. The bitchy breakups I had were sudden, but it was like a switch flipped and I let them have it. I’d had enough. And in both cases, I ignored a few major red flags thinking this guy is awesome, this can work. I got sucked into all the saccharine feelsy shit that’s really just manipulation to hide the real man behind the curtain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 04:23 AM
23

One’s funeral should also be high value and scrote-free.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 02:40 AM
23

Me neither…either he drove her nuts, she has a legitimate mental illness and he took advantage of her vulnerability, or he’s denigrating her because he got fed up and left his ass. No matter what, it’s never just as simple as “”my ex is crazy”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 02:37 AM
3

Nice! I’ll check that out…haven’t attempted Discord yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 01:22 AM
33

So much this. Once you draw a line in the sand, that’s it. They know you won’t enable them anymore with regard to whatever shitty behavior. And also, I think this is where you become the “crazy ex”. What I realized though is that once those red flags start flapping, leave. It may be hard, but it will be exponentially harder later because it leaves you with some emo to inalienable trauma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 01:07 AM
7

I’ve seen it suggested it n other threads, but I would love to see an FDS book club.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 11:14 PM
6

Awesome!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 10:14 PM
129

I think they come back if they don’t replace you quickly enough. Otherwise, they move on to the next person that will put up with their shit. I also think they are less likely to come back if you call them out on their shit and break up with them harshly. If you are really “nice” or wishy washy about breaking up, I think they are more likely to orbit because they don’t take you seriously. I’m not exactly proud of the level of bitchiness I went to in a couple of breakups, but it does lend a certa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 08:52 PM
12

Thanks! I wouldn’t call myself an alcoholic, though I do feel I was getting to that point as a means of managing severe situational anxiety and to some extent, pandemic boredom. So I’ve cut way back on drinking…say maybe 2-3x a month when I’m out with friends. The problem now is the amount. I should be stopping at 1-2 but if I’m having a great time, I tend not to honor a stopping point and it goes to 3-4, which is too much for me and historically this is when I’ve been vulnerable to unhealthy be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 05:08 PM
40

I am on the fence about giving up alcohol completely. I’ve cut way, way back. I just don’t think it serves me anymore. It’s just hard to take that step because it’s so ingrained into my social life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 04:03 PM
12

Love NZ! North or South Island?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 03:59 PM
7

If he does try to latch on, run. It means he doesn’t want to be alone, or he’s looking for a distraction from grief. It is a red flag to date and/or start a relationship when you are going through emotional turmoil and huge changes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 03:48 PM
8

I will second having a dirty, gross vehicle. I mean months to years of accumulated food on the floor, gross shit in cup holders, letting kids just throw stuff wherever, letting pets in car and not cleaning up after them. Even if he clears off the front seat area for you, keeping the rest of his car gross is a red flag, and more than likely he’s lazy and will have a gross house. Also, men that have high end cars that drive like maniacs tend to be complete assholes with little regard for anyone el…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 03:43 PM
16

Agreed - this post is awesome and I think it’s applicable to anything a man is responsible for. If a man loves and is responsible for something, but takes really shitty or half-ass care of that something, than you can expect more of the same with your relationship. A man should want and give the best for his children, pets, his home, YOU…..but if he’s a lazy fuck with zero self-awareness….you will end up with LV Cat Guy who won’t do shit for you. Also note this is the type that will gravitate to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 03:50 AM
29

He’s got 3 kids that hate me and we are fighting all the time, but we are having an ours baby so it will be fine!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 02:42 AM
13

Whaaat? That’s a weird policy. The man can vet your appearance but you can’t vet theirs? Fuck that. That strikes me as an intensely misogynistic twist as both parties should be able to take their physical preferences into account when deciding on a potential match.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 06:24 PM
10

It was super mentally draining. Plus all the typing out messages made my fingers hurt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 06:00 PM
4

It also doesn’t have to be a young naive woman either. Some of them glom onto age appropriate single moms because they think, oh, she’s already a mom so she will take care of me and my kids too. It’s less about who you are as a person, and how much of their burden and shitty life choices you are willing to shoulder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 02:40 PM
6

They don’t have to put the work in to change, because there’s always a pickme out there willing to put up with their behavior and match their LV energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 02:28 PM
12

Me neither. I used to view that as me not being worth fighting for, but after time in therapy, FDS, and a ton of thinking…it’s not about that at all. I ended a couple of relationships for very good, solid reasons. And in all honesty, I wasn’t especially nice about it. I was sick of their shit. I was angry about the way I was treated. Manipulative shitty men don’t like it when they lose their bangmaid, they don’t want to take any accountability for the reasons you end the relationship. They simpl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 02:20 PM
30

OLD gives a man time to craft an image they want to put forth, from verbiage, to pictures at a certain angle, to carefully worded messages. At best, OLD is sad, lonely, disingenuous playground of commodification. At worst, it’s a dangerous tool for predators. Meeting a man IRL gives more of an instantaneous window into who he is. You may see him partaking in an activity he enjoys. You may be able to observe him with friends or teammates he is with. It humanizes the entires experience. In my OLD …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 02:06 PM
14

My ex hid a really cool hobby the first few months we were together because he was afraid I’d hate it. Obviously a huge red flag in retrospect. So, I’d add hiding benign interest/hobbies to fit what they think you want to see is a very LV trait. Shows lack of honesty, character, and sense of self.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 06:11 PM
25

I’d be a bit concerned about the dating before separation/ divorce finalized. I would want to be certain he’s not jumping from one woman to another to avoid being alone. Also, it’s great he’s taking kids to and from events. One trap that’s easy to fall into with single dads is looking at baseline parenting as green flags. Someone who makes their kids dinner, helps with their homework, takes them to events…those are all parental responsibilities that ALL parents should be expected to perform. It’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 05:32 PM
99

Single mom here that broke off an engagement with a single dad. Here’s some things I would absolutely observe/ask directly: how long has he been divorced and/or out of his most recent LTR what’s the situation with the ex is there a significant age gap do you have children also how old are the kids, what is their behavior like what is his parenting style does he take care of his home does he have any pets and if so, are they properly cared for This is just to start with. If you don’t have childre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 05:19 PM
5

Seriously, what is up with the amount of 50+ with young kids and tweens? I met a 50 YO guy recently with a 2 year old, and even if I was in the space to date…that is a HARD pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 02:51 PM
40

Penguin for one, please!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 11:57 AM
18

Me too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 02:42 AM
36

Also - GGG means good, giving, and game…coined by Dan Savage to define what it means to be a good sex partner. It’s generally applied to being accepting of kinks, from what I understand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 12:36 AM
70

It translates to, I’m going to openly fuck around on my partner and they are going to put up with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 12:13 AM
168

I bet they have an “ethically non monogamous” relationship that she knows absolutely nothing about 🙄.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 11:54 PM
63

It’s basically like sifting though the clearance shoes in TJ Maxx. You find ones that are in your size. However….some are uncomfortable. Some are just fucking ugly. Some are trying to be upscale designer shoes but you can tell right away that they are cheap knockoffs just for TJM purposes. And a couple of pairs actually seem pretty good, so you buy them, wear them for a while. Next thing you know, you end up with horrid blisters and then they’ve worn out within 6 months. Fuck TJ Maxx. Go to Nord…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 11:51 PM
106

If you’ve never seen the bikram yoga documentary, it’s a great example of this. I think it’s on Netflix. I am immediately suspicious of any male in a leadership position in any type of communal/pagan/spiritual community. Outside of bikram, you have Jim Jones, David Koresh, Charles Manson, the Rajneeshies guy….all were charismatic males that ensnared vulnerable people. I remember being in high school and the Waco siege made a huge impression on me. I would run screaming from any man with hippie/c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 11:36 PM
31

Welcome! About 3 months into my level up journey. It’s been hard, and sometimes reading things on the sub both resonates and hurts. Once you see, you can’t unsee. Keep with. It will slowly get better. To quote one of my faves from BoJack Horseman: It gets easier. Every day, it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day – that’s the hard part. But it does get easier. And it’s true…every step you take towards leveling no matter how small will eventually snowball into a happier, healthier …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 11:20 PM
1

I agree about the hiking. I’ve never done a first date hike and never will. The walking around town has been my pickme downfall, though I do now see it for what it is after being on FDS. My particular brand of pickme was the low-maintenance cool girl, so instead of stating, I want to go to this place for dinner, it was more like, cool, let’s meet in abc city and check it out and see what we feel like. This is a very big mindset shift for me because I do like exploring and I was conflating it wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 08:12 PM
33

Omg the movie was awful and the writing was some of the worst I have ever read. Even in my pickme days the book/movie made me cringe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 06:50 PM
16

It really amazes me how many of us out there have the universal experience of being sucked dry by a relationship. I used to think it was something wrong within me, and there’s definitely some stuff I am working on to level up….but there’s definitely something wrong in a society where women get put through the ringer on a regular basis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 04:23 PM
6

Good for you! I’m in the same boat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 10:08 PM
32

Agreed. Generally speaking, fucked up kids = fucked up parents.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 10:06 PM
18

Right? Who doesn’t want date nights that consist of hiding in the bedroom watching movies and eating crappy takeout because the kids are too untrustworthy to leave home alone, but they are also super unpleasant and rude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 10:05 PM
14

Yup - being a stepmom, or just being in that type of role sucks. You have no say in anything, but you have to put up with it because it’s not your kid. You really have to vet the man, the ex, and the kids because you aren’t just taking on the man. I have only met one couple that remarried and blended families successfully. They were both HV people that worked to create a healthy, loving home for all the kids (who are now HV people themselves). It can happen, but it’s so rare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 10:02 PM
27

This post is terrific. You made a great point about dad’s with 50%. Overall, that arrangement sucks bc the kids go back and forth constantly (my opinion). IME, the dad got 50% exactly due to what you said…he claimed to have gotten screwed. Which brings me to the full-time dad. If the dad is stepping up to take responsibility because there is a legitimate issue with the mom, vet the shit out of the situation. If a 50% dad ends up becoming a full-time dad, you do NOT want to be part of that proces…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 09:52 PM
1

It’s definitely a shock, even if you expect it will be there. Once I went back and looked at it though, it really hit me that while he was describing our relationship, that’s not what I want. I don’t want a lazy, low-effort relationship. It also drove home just how shitty OLD is. I had no idea what I was getting into when I met him on there, and in turn someone else is going to experience what i did. That’s true for the myriad of scrotes on there as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 02:06 PM
5

Thank you so much! Every day I am doing best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 01:19 PM
57

Although this is a dating strategy sub, there’s an intense focus on taking responsibility for your life, self-care, and mental, emotional, and physical well-being. In fact, it’s such a huge part that there are literally two sister subs that focus on nothing but self-improvement and being able to ask questions and learn from like-minded women. Dating strategy isn’t just about getting laid or what you should wear. It’s about being in a healthy mental space so you can vet partners appropriately and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 12:35 AM
25

Several years ago, I was dating someone and had taken a sleep med. It didn’t knock me out immediately. We were having sex, and I actually fell asleep during it. The next morning, I made a comment like haha I’m sorry I fell asleep on you. Dude proceeds to tell me that he went ahead and finished while I was sleeping because he “didn’t think I’d mind”. He also took a short video of me after snoring because my snores were “so cute”. It didn’t sit well with me at the time, and we broke up not too lon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 10:55 PM
13

I agree. I also think some people are so desperate that even if they aren’t consciously manipulative, they want to fill a void and so try to put on their best show and hope that eventually you will be hooked enough to stay once you get the full picture of whatever clusterfuck they are hiding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 10:41 PM
21

Dennis Radar had a family and was heavily involved in his church and Cub Scouts. Yikes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 10:36 PM
28

Pickme tendencies, poor boundaries, manipulation, trauma bonding, and lovebombing. It’s a perfect storm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 10:33 PM
29

People get pissed off if you hold a mirror to them and they don’t like what they see. It means they aren’t ready to address the parts of themselves that they know deep down are fucked up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:52 PM
47

Nope! With the bar basically being in hell, it’s easy to interpret certain things as green flags..omg he’s nice to me! Omg he bought me dinner at a nice place! Omg he spends time with his kids and has a house! This is all surface shit and underneath even green flags there may be masked red flags. People are great at only letting you see the best at first. They can be nice but be an asshole. They can have a great income but have high debt and impulsive spending habits. I think HV people continue …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:54 PM
6

Good for you! I plan to continue to be mindful. At this point, I feel I’ve retooled my relationship with alcohol to be minimal and social. I don’t drink if I am stressed, upset, bored, or have an empty stomach. Thus far it’s been great…no regrets, no shame, and no hangovers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:37 PM
12

Sis, yes. It’s such an awful dynamic once you become fully aware of it. Never again. Plus, I think it a really easy to invalidate your very real and valid feelings after those arguments, because you feel bad that’s how you handled it. So, you end up apologizing for all of it and taking full responsibility even if it’s not on you. How do you manage alcohol consumption now?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:15 PM
2

Gross! He just filled the void. You come away from a relationship viewing your ex in a certain way based on your direct experience with them. Seeing how they interpret and market themselves to other females is interesting. Some of them just really have zero self-awareness or are too lazy to work on things that really are the baseline of being a responsible, healthy adult whether you are in a relationship or not. I guess the strategy at that point is to just find someone equally low-value and fuc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:08 PM
6

I think you nailed it with both the pickme behavior and history of dysfunction. Someone in prison, especially for a life sentence, is about as unavailable as it gets. If you want the dopamine hit of desperate and occasional male attention with zero chance of having an actual relationship and no standards…well, this is for you! One could also say this is the ultimate variation of the cool, low-maintenance girl: “You murdered someone? I’m cool with that! We all make mistakes!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 04:49 PM
29

This post speaks to me so much! I think self-medication in any form is a maladaptive coping mechanism we employ when we know a person and/or situation is wrong. Over time, this can spiral into addiction and/or create trauma if something happens while under the influence. This may resonate here:. I really didn’t drink much until I got older. After I got divorced, around when mommy wine culture made certain certain beverages acceptable means of coping, In retrospect, it became my way of relaxing, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 04:26 PM
57

Bottom line - if they want to level up as a partner/parent/human being, they will do it without you nudging, reminding, etc. You can’t make someone change. You can’t date a project or potential. Thing that sucks is when people drag you into their shit show, allow you to think they want to create a better life, but don’t really want it. People that have a modicum of self-awareness and genuinely want to level up do so of their own volition and often outside of a relationship. Myself as an example……
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:51 PM
12

Agreed. This was via my old account for a specific purpose. Account is deactivated, and I’ve asked them to purge it (though I doubt they will based on their privacy policy). I won’t ever use OLD again. I hated it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:42 AM
13

Thanks! That’s a good way to put it to. It’s an odd way to go about it…but I’ve deleted all texts/emails/etc. This was one of the few ways I could think of to really look at something and evaluate outside of my own memory.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 11:42 PM
2

Thank you for the award! I also got my first Reddit hate message. Is there a point to those?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 11:29 PM
18

Agreed and already done. Blocks and deletes happened awhile ago and outside of my little dabble here, I don’t keep tabs on any way nor will I going forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 10:39 PM
18

Yeah…I’m ready to move on. Needed a kick in the pants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 10:27 PM
1

Well, lucky her and she can fuck right off!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 08:59 PM
2

Wow! Sometimes people are such assholes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 08:41 PM
2

Ohhhhh gotcha. I should listen to that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 03:28 PM
1

Huh?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 03:21 PM
10

I think it’s because a lot of LVMs are nice guys. Their coworkers, friends, even other family members think they are terrific people. And maybe in some respects they are…but it’s completely different than who they are in their relationship. One of the downsides to this is when you inevitably lose your shit…at best you look histrionic and at worst he plays it off like you are the problem, which reinforces him being the good guy and never taking responsibility for his part in problems, be they soc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:42 PM
22

This 100%. I’ve definitely overshared before, and I regret it. No ill intentions, but it’s definitely better to start bonding over positive shared experiences and hobbies than being compatriots in misery. Also, don’t share trauma in relationships. They will look back on your legitimate relationship issues and blame it all on your shit, even if it has nothing to do with the actual problems. Don’t give them that ammo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:36 PM
26

Heard!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:33 PM
4

I needed to hear this today! You can speak and never be truly heard. I chose to communicate with my feet. He chose to communicate with silence and not giving a fuck, because who wants to deal with problems and do real work when there’s a pickme around the corner waiting to find such a nice guy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:32 PM
8

I thought more about your comment. Looking back…I can see instances where I looked like a nag, bitchy, emotional, etc. But really…I was trying to get needs met. I was trying to fill in gaps in his boundaries and shitty parenting because I was afraid if I didn’t, it would be a disaster after the marriage. He didn’t truly want to do these things, he just told me what I wanted to hear and did things here and there so it seemed like there was progress. Men who want to do their work, will do it. They…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:42 PM
3

This is true. I recognize it as love because I am still processing the whole he was nice to me, wtf happened scenario. It’s still really hard for me at times to think from the beginning (the lovebombing) to the end. I think I mentioned in another comment I still have moments where I wonder if it was me that was toxic and controlling. This is where I still feel “love”, though I imagine this is more the end feeling of a trauma bond. That said, it is going away. It’s WAY less than it was initially.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 11:52 AM
6

Lol! Yes! That or pickmes like myself with at least some standards that will continue to keep him in a cycle of karmic relationships until he learns to not be a lazy, self-centered, shady fuckface. I imagine he’d enjoy the SW and thots.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 11:43 AM
7

Thank you! I think the good thing here is I recognized this for what it was. And even though I did it, it stopped there. I didn’t do any further digging. I didn’t try to reach out to him. I didn’t swipe on or like him on there. I didn’t cry. Instead, I digested it. I acknowledge the relationship is over and dude can do what he wants regardless of what I or anyone else thinks. I wish I was able to move on a lot quicker. But, I also don’t want to be a LVM bouncing from one relationship to another …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 11:40 AM
15

I know. I knew it would happen. I just needed some kind of jolt to get me out of grieving and low-key hoping. He’s a mess and that’s his problem. I’m just so tired of holding onto little tiny hope slivers. The relationship is done. I just need my emotions to catch up a bit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 03:42 AM
8

Agreed for sure. I’ve had a few male friends that were great to me, but shitty to their significant others. My most recent ex was great to his mom, his sisters, and his daughter….but had no boundaries and they all walked all over him. And he put up with it. It was gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:54 AM
13

Thanks so much. I definitely spiraled, which I believe was my intuition telling me to run. I’ve never had anxiety or insomnia that bad in my life. I was really in a great place before I met him. Not leveled up really, but happy. I guess I just wasn’t in a place where I was able to realize lovebombing for what it was. Being with him was turning me into an angry, miserable person that I didn’t want to be. His profile was pretty dead on in the sense that he wants what we had. It was easy because I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:51 AM
6

I know. It’s great for learning but it sucks as you go through it. Hugs to you as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 02:33 AM
89

If you play the cool low-maintenance chick card, he will treat you accordingly. It’s taken a long time for me to wrap my head around this, and unfortunately with it have acquired the unpleasant experiences one would expect from LVM that just want shit to be easy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:47 AM
32

Or when you ask them that and they stare you at you for a bit and can’t truly name a single thing, because you are just filling a void within them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:37 AM
17

When you are 40+ and single, it’s hard to make new friends and stay connected with old ones that are married or partnered. A lot of women I’ve met that are single at this age, also want friends, but they tend to want them to fill the gap until they find another relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:36 AM
8

I can’t say I’ve experienced a true mama’s boy…definitely people with shitty boundaries with their parents/children/siblings. I feel a mama’s bit would be a shit show because you would essentially be triangulated with her, and it would be fucking weird.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:19 AM
13

That is a great suggestion! I actually did something very similar to that not too long after the initial breakup, and it was crucial to helping my get past the first few weeks where I agonized over it. At this point I am at my last hurdle. I know closure is something you give yourself, and looking at that profile was really My way of doing that with something relatively tangible. I feel kinda shitty right now, but I’m also feeling freer than I have in months. I can say with certainty that I love…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:16 AM
17

That is one thing I can say…I learned sooooo much from this experience. Things I didn’t even think to vet for or worry about. Between that and FDS, the last few months have been a game changer. Even if I’m not ready to date, I’m definitely evaluating things waaaaay differently. Like, with standards that aren’t a baseline of hell. One thing I can say…the reason I posted this today…the reason I have taken my time in grieving and letting myself process everything..it’s because I’m holding myself to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:12 AM
16

Talking about his mom on OLD? That’s weird!! Major mama’s boy I take it? Thanks for the wholesome award. It made me smile 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 01:03 AM
18

Agreed…I don’t think my ex thought I would and when I did…he was like, next! And I’ll be honest…there was absolutely some pickme thoughts afterward that maybe he would see how much shit needed to change and would reach out and understand where I was coming from . I was a mess from all the drama and anxiety. But, he didn’t want to truly work on it. He wanted someone who would just accept all that shit that most people would resolve as much as humanly possible before dragging a new person into the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 12:32 AM
22

Ugh, that sucks. It’s like he used your efforts to advertise himself to the next one. My ex didn’t do that, but it definitely showed nothing has changed and if there’s a savvy queen that happens to see his profile, she will know it’s ultimately a lazy single dad looking for a low-maintenance cool girl to take on his burdens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 12:24 AM
17

That is correct. Leveling up is important. I tried to look at the entire situation and see what I contributed to the problem. I saw a couple of things I can work on. It’s a shame he can’t do the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 12:18 AM
27

Omg….they are so reluctant to do the work. His profile literally was describing our relationship minus the drama. It’s like, if you really wanted what we had, why didn’t you just do the fucking work??. But again, trying to get maximum return on minimum effort at the expense of another person. This really drove home that I will never use OLD again. Meeting men in the wild is no guarantee either, but at least they are out and about putting themselves out there, which shows some initiative I think.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 12:16 AM
31

I agree. He was really great at making me feel like I was heard and he was working on whatever shit I asked of him…but of course the minute I would go back to my house it was all out the door. He was so great at being nice that up until the last month I’ve actually considered maybe it was me being toxic and controlling. In retrospect, I was asking for baseline stuff. Like hey, we are going to be living under one roof…can you work with your kids on not trashing the house. I could have gone on bei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 11:39 PM
2

Wow, such a shitty situation! I think the only difference in ours was I was the one that left (I scorched that earth like a champ) and my ex wasn’t divorced very long and was very cagey about his situation (one of the first red flags that my pick me ass ignored). Keep reading here, and I also recommend the FDS Level Up sub, a lot of great input on there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 04:49 PM
5

Yikes, daily panic attacks are awful. I didn’t have panic attacks, but I did have major anxiety and insomnia and went on antidepressants and started drinking a lot to cope. I had quite a few nights of picking fights and crying my eyes out - not proud of that but I was in a bad mental state. It all stopped after I left - I stopped taking my antidepressant and stopped drinking outside of the occasional dinner with friends. I think I dealt with the bad while I was in it, and then when I left I star…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 03:25 AM
23

Me too - I was actually confused when I first started reading FDS bc mine had a quite a few green flags. Then I realized he was conflict avoidant, lazy, had no boundaries, and just did the least amount of work he had to do for anything. Next time I see that, especially if they are a shitty parent due to the laziness and avoidance, I’m out. I don’t care how “nice” they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 01:20 AM
9

Right there with you…went through a breakup from an engagement a few months ago mainly due to ex-wife and teenage kids drama, also triggered some issues I thought I’d resolved and was turning me into this anxious, naggy, miserable person I hated, and also realized he was an LVM even though he appeared to have a lot of green flags. I’d say I felt really shitty until about a month ago. Loneliness, guilt, blaming myself, wondering wtf was wrong with me. Like you, I realized that my relationship was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 01:10 AM
5

Absolutely!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 08:26 PM
31

I love this list! If I may add: Pets - are they well-trained and taken care of? Are they regularly brushed, bathed, and groomed? Does he clean up after them? Are they destructive in any way? Vetting for pet care may not be a priority, but no matter how sweet a pet is or how much your man loves it, not taking good care of it and letting it destroy his yard, home, or stuff is a sign of laziness, commitment, and consistency. A pet is a huge commitment, and you HAVE to take care of it. If he can’t d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 07:57 PM
3

I was just thinking about posting something because I have been working through the things that went wrong in my most recent relationship. I just read attached last night and I felt really confused because based on quizzes my ex has a secure attachment…but also incredibly avoidant and lazy in a lot of ways. He had some HV qualities, especially in the beginning. Bottom line, to echo some other posts…you feel how you feel. LVM isn’t black and white. Some of them have some decent qualities and you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 03:52 PM
35

A woman is also under no obligation to give her partner money because. He needs to man up and take care of shit, especially men that have good jobs and a great income. You should never be held accountable for someone’s shitty mistakes and lack of fiscal responsibility.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 01:56 AM
137

Ugh. I can feel the pain in your post. I am sure you feel conflicted, and this is all so new and it’s so much. Something to consider if you feel like you want to work things out with him or you should just stay because it’s easier....so these are things you now know and the amount of deceit is staggering. What instantly hits my gut from your post...what DON’T you know? You were able to find out all of this from his phone...but what’s not on his phone? What other depraved shit could he have done …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 08:30 PM
6

I’m so sorry you are going through that. I completely empathize with the guilt. Though different circumstances, I left my relationship. I felt guilty for the way I went about my breakup...I lost my shit after months of stress, anxiety, and emotional trauma. I can tell you how I’ve been dealing with it, and maybe something will resonate: I apologized to him. I reached out, apologized, explained why I did what I did, and took full responsibility for it. I never heard back, but that’s okay. In your…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 08:11 PM
261

Holy shit!!! I am SO SO sorry. Your intuition served you well to check his phone. You’ve saved yourself and potential children from a future with a sociopath. You have some major steps to take: STD test Divorce Lawyer Therapy Protect and take care of yourself physically, mentally, and financially as much as humanly possible. You will grieve. You will get angry. You will get sad. Do NOT take him back under any circumstances. You mentioned your culture in your post. If that makes it hard for you i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 07:46 PM
18

This...and he will play the high effort card in the beginning until he feels he’s sucked you in...and then he continues on being lazy and half ass and letting you pick up the slack until you dump his ass. And then of course.....you are the low value person that sucks and left him when he needed you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 01:44 AM
37

I had severe anxiety and insomnia while I was with my ex. It was gone within a few weeks after we split up. It was my intuition telling me something was wrong (I had the anxiety from the beginning in small doses that I thought were butterflies. The insomnia came later when I started spending more time at his place).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 10:12 PM
5

The can also have a great income...but if they have a ton of debt and spend frivolously, it’s just as bad as being straight broke and jobless. It’s essentially the lack of responsibility and means that’s a huge turnoff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 09:06 PM
11

If he wants to, he will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 09:03 PM
5

“I’m sorry you feel upset”. “I’m sorry if that hurt your feelings” Apologizing to placate, not really acknowledging what was fucked up about it or taking responsibility for the action itself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 08:59 PM
20

Omg number 6 all the way....but first they lovebomb you so that way when you do start to get the full scope of their baggage....you are smitten and less likely to walk away or get further. They create a “us against them” mentality and you buy into it, and reinforce the whole soulmate/the one paradigm (which is ultimately a trauma bond that ends up adding to already existing emotional trauma).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 08:54 PM
22

I’m over 40, and finding this sub in conjunction with therapy/leveling up I had already begun has been utterly serendipitous. The handbook is amazing and even if tough, it’s full of the innate care and wisdom of women who have been there. At first I felt weird bc of my age and the fact I’m not going to look for marriage, but it doesn’t matter. I deserve to reach my full value and potential, and expect the same from romantic relationships and friendships. This sub is the best, and I appreciate th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 08:50 PM
22

This post is spot on. One thing to point out....my xLVM had the “crazy, alcoholic ex”. She genuinely did have mental illness/substance abuse problems. I don’t really know if her early life circumstances or their relationship caused any of her issues. He really didn’t talk very much about her until there was an incident, and it was like pulling teeth to figure wtf was up. I think that there may be honorable intentions in there somewhat about not sharing all her dirty laundry with me up front...bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 08:35 PM
6

My pet theory is that it’s a caveman throwback, like look, me find food for woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 03:09 AM
21

I used OLD for a couple of months. That was enough. Met my most recent ex there. Met a couple of other guys off of it, but literally they all had significant personal issues going on with either exes or alcoholism. Several messaged me and even through those conversation I realized they were LV (classified by me at the time as obvious douche bags). I met a couple of other guy IRL that I also though had potential but pretty quickly proved to also be d-bags. That being said, I found OLD to be signi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 07:50 PM
11

Neither will lending him money, being his unpaid therapist, handling his ex-wife for him, trying to be the perfect stepparent, or constantly trying to be this amazing version of yourself that’s being sucked away because of the black hole of your relationship with him. The next time I try to be the most amazing me to anyone...it will be to myself and for myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 06:51 PM
22

Glad to hear you got out of that! My therapist helped Me see how codependent my relationship was and really made me see how tapped out I was. I’m addressing things I’ve held onto for years. She also made me realize I was very fortunate my xLVM wen to NC with me. Even if it made me feel like shit, going back and forth and continuing to miserable wound have put me in an even worse mental state. He needs to do his own work (if he wants to), and it’s not my job to build him. I see that he was latchi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 05:20 PM
39

The ERA STILL has not been ratified, and five states have revoked their ratification: ID, KY, NE, TN, and SD. But yeah, we should split everything 50/50 because eQuALiTy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 01:44 AM
35

The only man I have ever seen with an obsession for a female artist is a gay friend that is crazy about Celine dion and used to sing her songs in both English and French. Outside of that, I ever never a male say, Tori Amos is an amazing singer, or I can’t wait to read the new Gillian Flynn novel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 01:35 AM
12

I’m going to not worry about dating until my kid is out of high school. It’s only a few more years, and quite frankly I’d rather devote my time to leveling up myself and my home, and being the mom that has the best snacks and hangout place that doles out sage FDS advice to young queens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 08:40 PM
22

I just peeked at this....WTF did I just read.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 02:32 PM
12

Preach!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 01:19 PM
15

Don’t do it! Reading some of the posts here about scrote behavior helped me tremendously when I had those urges 😊.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 01:19 PM
38

I just saved this post! I remember the first couple of months in my relationship, I posted on Reddit to validate something I thought was odd and uncertain if it was a red flag, because otherwise dude was a total sweetheart. Well, it was definitely a red flag. I didn’t need Reddit’s opinion, and if I had just walked away then, I would have saved my self tons of stress and grief. A man can be seemingly HV and incredibly sweet and polite, but still have low-key LV traits you can’t see immediately a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 01:15 PM
25

I was going to make a similar comment, but yes...you nailed it. Plenty of LVM will make comments about men being gross, pigs, etc and will even empathize with you if you share a scrote experience. Then they will turn around and do LV shit also.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 03:45 AM
3

Completely agree; that’s ridiculous. Like, man up and take care of your fucking dog, or else find him a loving home with people that will consistently take care of his needs. My experience with this showed me that the way someone cares for their pet, dog or otherwise, is definitely something to watch for. If they don’t take care of their pet,or do so in a really half ass manner, chances are they will be halfass or neglectful with you, children, their home, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 03:31 AM
1

That is absolutely horrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 02:26 AM
4

This is super informative. Thank you for educating me this evening.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 02:26 AM
3

Ugh! That’s horrible. I don’t have a dog, nor would I use something like that. I just wasn’t sure if it was a minor annoyance, or something that’s actually barbaric. That sounds awful. Definitely a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 12:11 AM
5

Does the shock collar harm the dog in any way? I’ve heard of them and my understanding was they are a training tool, but don’t know anyone that’s used one or what the impact is on the dog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 07:50 PM
62

Lets dog ruin furniture, chew items, etc (I have seen a situation where dogs literally ruined the yard, almost all the furniture, the walls, and were never bathed). Lets dog go in the backyard and never, ever cleans up their poop. If the house reeks of dog and dog hair is everywhere - it’s a double red flag that they aren’t grooming/bathing the dog or cleaning their home appropriately
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 04:04 PM
3

Thank you! Needed to hear that right now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 04:31 AM
17

Congrats! So exciting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 02:00 PM
17

Yeah don’t do that. It will backfire. If you’re going to build someone, build yourself. Be your own result of your hard work. Don’t waste it on some scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 05:17 AM
19

This is basically like, I’m a fucking pick me nag. It’s gross. This was me 6 months ago. It’s total unhealthy bullshit. Don’t do it!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 04:06 AM
132

Fuck, absolutely! Outside what is portrayed in the movie, Stanley Kubrick completely abused her to the point her hair was falling out. Men really do be like that, the LV fuckers!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 10:19 PM
14

Hmmmm....tbh I’m the one with the enjoyment of these sorts of hobbies. I don’t know that this is a red flag (and of course, I may have some bias here). However, these aren’t regular omfg I have to do this all the time sort of hobbies. It’s more the occasional experience. For me, it’s just really empowering to do something like skydiving. Or taking a somewhat dangerous trip. I honestly felt these things were really therapeutic and fun for me. I imagine like anything else though, if you become add…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 10:13 PM
24

Right!? My grandfather was kind of a dick too. And you know there was no help or encouragement for self-care for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 07:10 PM
63

This really is a possible and disconcerting thing. It happened to my grandmother when she was elderly. Her uterus literally fell out one day. She had to go to the hospital and it was removed. I can’t imagine just going about your business and your uterus literally comes out. Sounds scary and uncomfortable
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 06:32 PM
2

1-3 for fucking real
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 04:23 PM
20

Yeah I tried this with my ex. No response. I will never again waste time typing out any sort of message trying to explain my feelings to a man that either doesn’t care or doesn’t have the emotional capacity to respond or show in way they care or understand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 11:29 PM
6

I was thinking about this earlier today...I can’t believe the way I shared myself with some serious douche bags. Makes me sick and going to be working through it with my therapist. I also can’t believe win retrospect how much of it involved alcohol. Men take advantage of you big time. I will not be sharing my body or drinking for a very long time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 05:36 PM
20

Ugh so true about the cooking date. In my most recent experience, it was about a month into seeing each other. He cooked something, bought me sleepwear, and had plenty of wine in the fridge. At the time I thought it was oh so romantic. Post-FDS, though he may have liked me, he wanted to fuck, and made sure to keep my wine glass filled! OMG, so embarrassing thinking what a ridiculous pick me I was until the last few months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 05:26 PM
3

Oh lord... Being cagey about how long he was divorced Major fast forwarding Lots of gifts/trips first few months which completely stopped (to think he was generous). Horrible relationship with ex Kids treated him like crap and no boundaries with them. House was disgusting He was a doormat. Those are just a few. Sad part is he was really sweet to me, but with everything I witnessed, I am not sure how much was a mask.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 08:02 PM
12

Yup! Ended my most recent after a year....but yeah, same trajectory. Not sure it would have gotten abusive, but in retrospect I was lovebombed and then engaged after 6 months. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 07:46 PM
11

I feel like if I tried to “find myself”, I’d be lost as fuck. Truth is, I never created myself. I’ve just been a cumulation of trauma and living up to everyone else’s expectations. My creation is now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 07:40 PM
28

Yes, yes, yes! Once I’m ready to date again, this is a major boundary I will uphold. I would have saved myself tons of grief if I had waited to sleep with my LVX. I would have seen more clearly in the first few months he wasn’t truly HV if I hadn’t allowed gotten sucked in to the wooing and sex. That experience plus what I’m learning on FDS have completely changed the way I view sex with potential future partners. It also validates how wrong I was handling sex and vetting prior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 07:37 PM
2

I will look at that! Ugh, hate looking back on the worst of pickmeisha days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 11:52 PM
2

Completely agree. I am the product of a LVM dad, and it wasn’t pretty. He really fucked may mother over, and she still carries a lot of bitterness to this day. And between him and an overworked mother that wasn’t the best at dealing with emotions, I grew up with little guidance on boundaries and navigating relationships, which led me down the path of being the Pickmeisha Queen ( an oxymoron, no?).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 09:20 PM
3

Omg this is my xLVM. He wanted to keep me in his life as long as I bought into his bs and kept seeing him as the sweet, kind of bumbling single dad. Now I see he was a conflict-avoidant, lovebombing selfish jerk that didn’t want to be alone and want someone (anyone) to help him clean up his messy life and parent his children that had major anger and behavioral issues. It’s insane how destructive gaslighting is, even if it’s not done to be truly evil.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 05:28 PM
9

I am older and a single mom, so my experience is different, but.... My ex-fiancé proposed to me around the 6-month mark. It was not unexpected as we talked about it and picked out the ring together. I thought since were older and had life experience, etc that I knew what I was getting into. I very sincerely wish I had waited. Though he had a lot of HV qualities on the surface, there was some serious LV shit going on that became very apparent after he locked me down. It was very stressful and ups…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 05:21 PM
21

Same. I have no more single 40+ friends. Part of my level-up journey is being comfortable doing anything I wish by myself and not letting some scrote disrupt my activity (one reason I tend to avoid going out solo bc I don’t want to deal with that shit).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 05:10 PM
8

My ring was a beautiful handmade piece that we picked out together. This is one of those things that really threw about if he was a HVM or not....unfortunately not. So essentially, it was a HV ring from a LV man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 04:56 PM
9

I love being a single mom. My daughter and I are super close, and I rarely have to deal with her scrote of a dad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 10:53 PM
42

I am so happy for you and also worried about the proximity. As other posters mentioned, are you able to move farther away? Stay with any friends/family?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 04:19 PM
3

Thank you! It’s great to be here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 02:36 PM
5

OMG it’s ridiculous how much my eyes have been opened. I used to subscribe fully to libfem feminism/sex work positivity/cool girl mentality....but now thinking of it through an FDS lens just makes me absolutely cringe. There’s no going back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 02:35 PM
30

Yessss! I see now that vetting is the way. Those hours of post-coital “bonding” really disarmed me with previous scrotes, especially when other green flags were present. It makes you more likely to ignore red flags that are waving in the wind and smacking you in the face because of the emotional residue. I really feel you on this as I felt this hard when I recently ended my engagement. With the gift of hindsight and clarity though....the things I perceived as HVM things were extremely superficia…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 02:26 PM
4

Thank you!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 12:36 PM
12

Thank you! I love my 👑!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 04:27 AM
13

Hi! Thank you! I am doing soooo much better. Feel like I’ve come father in the last few months than I have in my all of my adulthood (which is sad, but also better than being a LVF/pickme forever and never doing the work to get beyond it. I appreciate you asking and hope you are doing well also!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 03:00 AM
11

Thank you so much! It took me a bit to get there, but I definitely feel congratulations worthy. Now I feel good about it. I realized that he was a total scrote even though I thought he was awesome the first 6 months before the mask came off. Thanks to therapy and FDS, he will be the last scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 02:56 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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