So, I am a few months out of a broken engagement, initiated by me. I was devastated, but his life was such a mess and it was affecting my mental health and I realized how toxic he and situation were. I did not do this lightly. I’ve been working on leveling up, expanding my social circle, etc. I’ve been making great progress, but I have had these little slivers of wishing my ex and I would find our way back to each other. Logically, I know it won’t happen, but those emotions are there, but certainly not all the time. This was probably a bonehead and unqueenly idea, but I reactivated my former OLD account, did a very quick search, and boom…there’s my ex. I thought maybe it would help drive it home it’s over, which it did (OLD account was immediately deactivated after. Outside of not being ready to date, fuck OLD and the scrotes that flock to it).

It also made me very sad. I was able to somewhat see through FDS lens that it was a very LV profile and also did not mention one of his main hobbies (hid it from me bc he thought I’d hate it, which is really weird bc it’s nothing bad, and should have been a huge red flag at the time). So, logically and thanks to FDS, I know he sucks and someone is going to get lovebombed and sucked in quickly because he doesn’t want to be alone - just like he did with me after being divorced for 5 minutes (another thing he was cagey about). I know it’s no longer my cross to bear and I dodged a bullet. It still hurts though. I was basically a cute emotional airbag for him, and had I just kept my mouth shut, I could have been a cute airbag wife.

I’m so, so glad I stood up for myself and refused to accept his LV ways and lack of responsibility. I did genuinely love him, and I really thought for awhile we would make it because love conquers all, bullshit blah blah. I am not ready to date yet. I still love this person. I am not ready to get to know or be intimate or commit to someone right now, until I am able to say with full honesty I am over him and ready. He has every right to do as he pleases. It just sucks that after loving someone and being vulnerable after a decade of mainly being alone, this was my experience. I can’t just move on after a few months. Every day gets easier. I made the right call. Just needed to rant a bit as I’m feeling sad and kind of pickme-ish right now.