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cmil7731 Archive

View 7 posts and 158 comments by cmil7731 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

This is invaluable. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 09:01 AM
4

Yes please! I’d love more recommendations (on this topic or any other you’ve found helpful in your FDS journey)! I am up to 6 unused audible credits and so I have the opportunity to go in depth on the topic ☺️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 10:23 PM
2

Thank you! Looking this up right now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 10:21 PM
6

I love this! Thank you- I’m going to try it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 03:39 AM
12

I find it so tricky! I’ve never “practiced” anything other than being nice and making others feel good about themselves. And it’s a good skill- but I rely on it too much and in the wrong situations. I need to figure out alternatives. Good luck on your journey as well! We got this! 💪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 11:39 PM
13

Haha I love this idea, and especially love your examples! Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 11:37 PM
7

Thank you for being brave and putting this out there. This is exactly what I've been stewing on. He fulfills me in ways I haven't experienced with other men- he's kind, social, has great conversations, deeply loved by those around him, has beautiful values, is emotionally mature, and treats me wonderfully in front of people and behind closed doors. I have seen him make changes with me in mind. I set high standards and boundaries early on and he listened / acted, even if he didn't fully understan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 04:01 AM
7

Haha it's funny you picked up on that :) When I started writing this post in the middle of a midnight anxiety attack, I did start by describing him as a HVM, and then as a 'wonderful' man. After a few rewrites, I landed on 'I believe is a wonderful man' because of the advice of this sub - vet, vet, vet and never stop. He might have exhibited some wonderful green flags and HVM traits - that doesn't make him wonderful or a HVM- and that would be the case even if he wasn't in this bad financial sit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 02:52 AM
6

Thank you. Yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 02:28 AM
10

Thank you. It will be heartbreaking but I think the same. He’s very socially connected and so making a clean break will decimate my social life. But staying with him doesn’t seem like a rational choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 02:27 AM
11

If I'm being honest with myself I don't think he would ever be able to get a bank loan. He'd be able to get loans from friends, but not from a bank. It sounds like he's only ever been in a position to scrape by himself whilst exploring different business ideas. So I guess the question is - do I believe he can do this for a family? And do I want to be with someone who has no savings to fall back on in case something bad happens?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 02:25 AM
9

Thank you. Love this advice. Although do you have any suggestions as to how I do this when we're already in an exclusive relationship? I feel like the only way I could do this is to make a clean break from him...? Idk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 01:53 AM
17

Yeah, I was so, so silly to have done this. That was my ego - I felt like telling him this info would make him respect my work ethic and career achievements more (I know, I know, that reflects low self confidence and v poor decision making on my behalf). It also provided an opening to a discussion on what he brought to the table financially. But now I regret letting that info slip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 01:47 AM
14

No specific catastrophe (although Covid hit hard and wiped out the little savings he did have). ​ He does have a belief that every dollar should be invested and he can 'live lean' until he makes it. The way he explains it - he can live on very little while he doesn't have a family or mortgage, and every dollar he earns can/should be put back into a business. ​ This makes sense to me on some level... ​ BUT he doesn't currently have any significant investments despite this mentality. He has 'relat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 01:43 AM
4

Thank you. The way you've phrased this is really hitting home for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 01:35 AM
22

Yes, this. I did this with my husband- stayed with him through the slow/rough patches of his career and our relationship. When he started to become successful he became a controlling, possessive, socially isolated man. So I'm afraid of both being with someone who I need to financially support, and also someone who does eventually make bank but changes as a result. I also feel like I've mothered a man before, and have done the hard yards/ struggling early 20s thing - I don't want to do it again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 01:34 AM
12

Hmm you're making me think. I don't have big concerns over his multiple ventures- he's not failed at any of them (as defined by bankruptcy), but he has chosen to move away from some if they didn't make him much money. And he does have some savvy - his social/business network is impressive and he's able to get things off the ground. ​ But I am concerned that he hasn't doubled down on those that are promising, instead shifting to new/exciting ideas and having multiple things going on at once. He a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 01:30 AM
36

🙏🙏🙏 this is invaluable. To answer your questions- he jumps from thing to thing (but does have success in one area… but doesn’t double down on it). He doesn’t have a wealthy family to fall back on. And I would be disappointed and likely unattracted to him if he was doing the same song and dance in five years. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, making hard choices and doing things I didn’t want to do for the sake of success in my career (eg long hours, unexciting work) and the last thing I wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 12:03 AM
36

You’ve just triggered my memories of reading about “forever boyfriends” on this sub. I’m going to go back through those posts now- thank you. I spoke to my psych about my fears he could be a gold digger. She said to test him- see if he pays voluntarily, see if he expects me to shout him when he can’t do things, etc. And he passed those tests. But the reality remains he can have a comfy life by just being with me, even if his businesses don’t pan out. It will be me who is going to have to downgra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 11:57 PM
11

I love how you put that. He’s great but he’s not at my level. It’s scary to think of dating again- I’ve fallen hard as he’s great in so many ways that matter to me/ my own self actualisation, but financial security is a dealbreaker. And I don’t hold out high hopes of finding another man on a timeline that allows me to have kids (although I am 50/50 on having kids). Wish life hadn’t panned out this way for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 11:51 PM
12

Ah this is all so helpful. I’m 50/50 on having kids but he wants them. So I’m not going to rush into anything, but I have to still seriously think through what life would be like with him if we did have kids. And I think you hit the nail on the head. I’m also very aware that being with him will drag down my own quality of life- we work different schedules, his work involves a lot of networking (which I sometimes struggle to remember is just as valid as my data crunching work), and if he’s on les…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 11:37 PM
40

Thank you. He’s a great person at heart but you’re right, I think I am just hearing what I want. It’s funny, I keep thinking “if only he had savings he’d be a HVM” but that’s not true- who he is is what led him to be here. And financial irresponsibility coupled with an “I wish” attitude is what his actions are proving him to be. I do wonder though- is this what all (eventually) successful entrepreneurs are like in the beginning? 34 is still young in the business world. But is this thought experi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 11:25 PM
27

Thank you. This. 👏 He has $0 savings but a few small assets in various businesses which he could sell. He can also huddle up work with long term clients fairly easily (and at a great day rate that far surpasses my own) but it’s not a passive income for him (ie effort in = effort out), and so he’s prioritising building his other ventures. So he can provide and survive, but no backstop (eg if he falls ill). Yep he knows my situation. That’s an error on my behalf. I wish he didn’t. And he was hit v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 11:19 PM
48

LOL right?!! Totally agree… the financial situation is a red flag but the other green flags make it feel like I can overlook it. This is NOT the case- and I needed you amazing women to remind me of this. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 11:13 PM
15

Thank you so much to everyone who’s responded. This whole discussion is so helpful. Seeing points that I believe in written out in black and white is clarifying a lot of things for me. I’m going to make a note of the points that resonate / apply to the situation and speak to my psychologist about them- I just made an appointment with her for tomorrow. I’ll also try to respond to each of you individually. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 11:11 PM
64

Thank you, this is great advice 🙏 I love how you broke it down. There’s some great truths there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 01:06 PM
1

I started to fall for men when my relationship with my ex husband became unfulfilling (and it eventually turned controlling/manipulative). If it’s a super strong attraction to another person, perhaps have a critical look at your relationship with your boyfriend. It might be your subconscious trying to tell you things aren’t as good as they once were, or as good as you hoped they would be by now. Don’t be afraid to constantly vet the men in your life- even after 6 years. You’re so young- don’t le…
/r/askFDS13/08/21 10:25 PM
2

Ugh. Australia too. Our most decorated military person, the one who was all over the papers for being so amazing, is anything but. Photos show him supporting war crimes, he’s “bashed” his “mistress”, and hid evidence from police and military investigators (another link). 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 02:27 AM
-3

Personally I dislike #2- planning the proposal for a couple of months to a year in advance. If he is ready to spend the rest of his life with this woman, he should ask her. Buying the perfect ring is for his ego- to show off what he can afford and the effort he put in, not necessarily her preference (later it says she wanted to get engaged soon). Some of the other things he does is sweet. But the idea that HE needs time to research just seems lame to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 01:58 AM
10

Yes. The “one day” fairy tale is toxic. If it’s on his mind, if he cares, if he wants it, why not do it?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 01:25 AM
21

I’ve given it a go and found a big circle of new friends who are similar minded and socially active. Great thing is, the group is always growing as they find and introduce more amazing women! Going on a holiday together in a fortnight too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:22 AM
25

You sound like a wonderful mum, passing down those lessons
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 03:28 AM
80

It’s one year in Australia. 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 03:12 AM
3

So so so so gorgeous!! 🤍🤍🤍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 02:56 AM
16

Your post has made me think more about it. For me, I think I’m negative on the photo shoot because (1) she seemed so strong bucking the trend to expose yourself for male acceptance of your art/ entertainment by choosing to cover up, and now (2) doing something that every female (not male) artist does and following libfem rhetoric. She seemed insightful before, now I feel like she’s been forced/manipulated/bought into libfem ideology.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 02:46 AM
3

Oh wow, I had no idea about that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 02:42 AM
2

Kitten foster carer. Can vouch it’s a wonderful experience. Also super allergic to cats so I always take a few months off between bbs to recover 😆 can also vouch that allergies are still preferable to a scrote
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 02:08 AM
15

Literally here with my pup and two 6 week old foster kittens happier than I’ve ever been with a husband/boyfriend/situationship/FWB 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 12:18 AM
3

A great comeback courtesy of my mum: Scrote: you’re so taaaalllll blah blah 🎻 You: Oh wow, you mustn’t be into models then, if you’re worried about being short!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 02:40 AM
3

It’s just EXHAUSTING having to plan outfits around heel height or predicting who will be there/how the scrote will feel if you’re a tall woman dating someone the same height (or god forbid, shorter) than you. I just can’t any more. I don’t want to be made to feel bad over your insecurities mate. I look fab- deal with it or byeeeee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 02:37 AM
5

Ugh I lasered everything off when I was in my mid-20s because my LV-ex husband liked it (and I hated the ingrowns that came with waxing). I am so sad I can’t grow more than baby fluff there now. I want to look like a woman!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 02:13 AM
3

I love this. Thank you. Saving it for future reference in those (all too frequent) moments when I have self doubt 🤍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 03:25 PM
4

If this isn’t the perfect example of a pedo angrily displacing his guilt onto his victim, I don’t know what is!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 05:09 AM
13

Going on antidepressants saved me. I was so reluctant, afraid (although I wouldn’t admit it) of the stigma, and tried every alternative under the sun to feel my old normal self. Now I’m three months in, I feel like myself again and actually can’t believe I waited in such pain/misery for such a long before taking them. Hope that’s the same for you x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 03:36 AM
13

Thanks for this comment! The only thing I still struggle with when remembering my ZV-ex is the fact he was well paid. He’d be worth 7 figures now, no question about it. And for that reason I wonder if I made a bad decision because at least he provided financial security. (However he wasn’t generous, treated me like a doll who he could show off when he felt like it, ignored me, did a bunch of skeezy things with other women, isolated me, etc etc). Would love to hear more about your story!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 03:33 AM
5

Agree with @w0rmsongs- It does sound like you dodged a bullet. Maybe it’s also hurting because you were picturing a future with him, and you badly want this beautiful future you imagined. The elements were there- a boyfriend who you were dating long enough to expect it to lead somewhere, met his family, etc. But it wasn’t amazing - he wasn’t pushing things forward with you (eg he was freaking out at the suggestion of a proposal) and wasn’t treating you like you deserve (eg ghosting, invalidating…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 11:14 PM
2

I suggest you read the handbook and then listen to the podcast. One of the podcast episodes deals with this Vice article specifically, nearly going through it line by line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 01:58 PM
4

I LOVE that!! 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:54 AM
5

A defence mechanism? Making it sound like she thinks it’s cute and endearing and common (validated by all those likes she’ll get on whatever trash sub this is posted to), plus a sprinkling of pickmesha (“I’m such a good bang maid he doesn’t even have to know”), so she doesn’t have to confront the fact she’s an unappreciated, downtrodden slave to a NVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:27 AM
3

What. The. Actual. F.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:22 AM
12

I feel my gall rising just thinking of this. Of course that’s the way to get the best grade 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:19 AM
6

How is this “sugaring”. Disturbing that such an innocuous name is being used to distract from the fact she is a prstiute. (I don’t use “sex worker” because it implies that the “profession” is freely chosen rather than being forced on most women because capitalism and patriarchy).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:01 AM
7

So clever! She’s amazing! I was nervous with her intro, but I needn’t have worried 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 03:57 AM
13

Omg me 🤡 Ex-husband: when I had day surgery my mum had to pick me up/ drop me off/ look after me by cooking dinner, checking meds etc because his job was sooooooooo important he couldn’t miss it. He did this to HIS SISTER when she gave birth to twins at 28 weeks as well! I was the one who took time off work (during my probation period at a new job) to stay for a week with her in hospital while she was on bed rest pre-birth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 03:43 AM
10

I just realised, my older male boss hates my confidence in trying for a promotion because (probably) - projection. He knows he had an overinflated sense of ability when he was my age, and assumes that my confidence must likewise be unearned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 02:24 AM
2

Wow. Is she asking to be taken advantage of?! To attract the worst of the worst. Really, w t f.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 01:25 AM
15

She sounds amazing! Protector of women, guarder of FDS queens, scrote intimidator 😄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 12:13 AM
2

Love love love this. It really drills it home, doesn’t it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 09:09 AM
1

Australia? 😅 it came out on Amazon prime like today! 🙌 amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 08:54 AM
76

Work in insurance. Can confirm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 01:47 AM
52

I read a post on here the other day that resonated and applies here too. I can’t find the OP - please let me know if it was you, random FDS’ers out there ☺️ Women are the only gender expected to give a potential partner a “chance”. Men are not guilted or pestered to do the same. If a man doesn’t want a relationship, his choices and feelings are taken as truth. Whereas for women, it’s assumed we might be “missing” something in our evaluation. This double standard is potentially harmful- it makes …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 04:29 AM
9

Honestly, why don’t we? Is there a legal reason? I’d be so keen
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 04:04 AM
7

Here we go! https://openlibrary.org/works/OL3348194W/How_to_Marry_the_Rich?edition=howtomarryrich00sayl
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 02:26 PM
11

And also for free online via the online library!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 03:52 AM
7

I second this! Please let us know! I’m in management consulting, wanting a career change, and would love the inspiration!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 02:53 AM
314

lol my Uber driver last night dumps his feelings all over me. I had just left hospital after a minor procedure and I had massive bruises on one side of my face from it. He knew / saw this, and saw me trying to shut my eyes to block out the pain. But he still went onto a monologue about how unfair his company is blah blah and proceeded to tell me he’s currently on a probationary license (!!) because he’s been caught so many times for breaking the law!!!! 🙅🏻‍♀️😱😭 Felt so safe after that! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 05:53 AM
46

Thank you for your post today. One of my friends tried to set me up on a blind date, but when he called last night every cell of my being was screaming “red flag”. I wasn’t comfortable calling her to say no/ blocking him because I was worried I’d hurt HER feelings. But I did it as soon as I read your post. Women’s intuition has developed for a reason and is usually spot on. Thanks for the reminder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 02:22 AM
61

Can we make a club? Because getting divorced young has been so isolating, especially as friends suddenly start getting busy with all their trad wife milestones. Plus, when I was escaping, I can’t tell you how many hours I spent on Google trying to find uplifting stories about how life continues “even if” you divorce in your 20s 😆🤦🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 12:01 PM
62

Haha thanks for giving it a voice. Same here queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 03:40 AM
47

This is so true. Also, make it expensive to date you. Go to the nice restaurants (Covid permitting). Make sure he’s still consistently putting in effort throughout however long you choose to wait. Again, not foolproof, but getting him to put his money where his mouth in (coupled with the other suggestions) will help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 02:46 AM
64

Love this! Thank you. I must admit I do have a giggle over some of the clap backs, but that’s what Insta meme accounts are for- not FDS. Clapping back only keeps you thinking about the guy rather than moving on and spending that same energy on something worthwhile for YOU. Also, building on your points above, what happens if he replies? Do you clap back again? What if his answer was apologetic? Or witty? Do you give him a “chance”. No nope nada NO. Strong no. Don’t open yourself to this anxiety …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 02:39 AM
17

I believe so. That, or coming up with a smart/funny retort rather than immediately block/deleting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 12:44 AM
2

Haha it wasn’t too bad! I just meant that when I collected a few alternative “lift the bar” examples from previous RL posts, I went with / combined a few to create a version that wasn’t apologetic, overly kind, etc. I just said that’s what I do with girlfriends and colleagues (I wrote it out in the original post). I didn’t want to give him any indication that I thought it was an acceptable proposition. The message itself wasn’t too bad in isolation though, just a bit more direct than the example…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 09:26 PM
19

He still hasn’t replied- 1.5 days later. And so (in this case at least) definitely a low effort low value guy! Definitely will not be speaking to him again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 09:21 PM
11

Thanks for this - so true :) I actually searched this sub (handbook, posts, and replies) before replying to him. Most advice I read on this sub was to state your expectations / set the bar, and then wait to see if they level up. Rationale was that it's the new normal to ask women out on these sort of 'meet ups' and so it's worth giving space for them to volunteer more. I actually combined the words of two suggested texts I found on this sub (I made it a bit more direct/harsher than the OPs did).…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 04:43 AM
2

Good on you for identifying, blocking, deleting and avoiding (as much as you can) both of these LVM. It sounds like you’ve done everything you can at this stage. I love your suggested shut down to this “friend”- it invites no further discussion. It sucks that you have to put up with it though. My only other idea would be to speak to HR at work as it’s bordering on harassment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 10:52 PM
18

I’d second what everyone else has replied, but also remind you that it was only early days and he might not have been that great if you got to know him better. I’m not meaning to discount your experiences in any way, but we continue to vet even when we’re in a relationship with a seemingly HVM. It may be helpful to remind yourself that: - He might have had a “mask” on during these early days and ended up being LV - He may have seemed HV because he’s being compared with your experience with a NVM…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 10:42 PM
20

I love this- thank you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 09:52 PM
9

I have a gut feeling that is exactly what he is doing. Thank you so much for putting it so well into words!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 09:14 PM
11

I’d heard this before, but I don’t think I ~ knew ~ it until I started reading this sun every day. And I’ve been married before, so you would have thought the lesson would have already sunk in 😂 love seeing another post about this and knowing there’s another 👑 out there who sees the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 04:28 AM
5

I love your story. Good on you for trusting your gut!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 11:41 AM
12

She is GREAT! Thanks for sharing. Off to watch more of her stuff now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 11:27 AM
49

Misogyny like this is happening worldwide. In Australia, a radio presenter was sacked today because he verbally abused and victim blamed a rape survivor - and this survivor was a political staffer who was raped in a Federal Minister’s office, less than 50 meters (150 feet) from the Prime Minister’s office. Good riddance. Wish more was being done tbh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 09:52 AM
36

I’m struggling to view men in a positive light in general now. I want a partner in life and am persisting in dating men. As part of this, I’m constantly vetting and on the look out for orange/ red flags. But I feel like the effort I put in to find that rare HVM is never-ending and exhausting. I’m feeling very demoralised and I almost want to throw in the towel, and go through life being happily single. It’s a real push/pull conundrum for me. I’d love to hear how other FDS 👑 stay healthy, happy a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 03:34 AM
69

So true. For me, it made me realise that I don’t have to give these grimy men a “chance” because they might “have a good personality”. I now expect the same level of personal hygiene and cleanliness, interest in self improvement, kindness, and career advancement as I do in myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 12:01 AM
42

I blocked a guy this morning because he replied to my Instagram story “can we spend a moment on that chair”. Creepy. He always gave off creep vibes but because he was a childhood friend of one of my good friends, I was polite. But that comment- hard no. Ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 11:56 PM
6

That is such a confidence inspiring story! Hope you’re feeling as powerful and amazing as you’ve shown everyone you are! You’re free!! 🤍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 07:23 AM
75

Please someone make this make sense to me! For example- If I’m out for dinner with girlfriends and have wine, can I man in Minnesota literally choose to rape me because I’m voluntarily intoxicated, and by extension, volunteering to have sex with anyone and everyone??! (Note - only using this example because it’s relevant to me, eg yesterday when I had a long lunch with a school friend, not because there is any wrong or right situation to drink alcohol as an adult- any situation shouldn’t have a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 02:33 AM
28

I need this! Three year later, diagnosed PTSD, and still go through cycles of “missing” my ex-husband. 1- Zero care for me. Work came above everything else. When I had surgery, my mum had to pick up/ stay/ drop me home after hospital and monitor me because he was “so busy” with work. Same thing when his sister went into hospital 27 weeks pregnant with twins, giving birth at 32 weeks. I was the one who took time off work to be with her (during my probation period at a new job), not him. 2- Sexist…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 01:28 AM
25

And the opposite happens too- traditionally female dominated jobs (like computer science) become better paying once proportionally more men enter the field. source link
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 12:43 AM
7

I love your post! Doubly so because of the link to the article you provided- that’s so interesting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 12:26 AM
31

Yes! This! The number of relationships I see that are at that half way point is astounding - the LVM is uninterested, unromantic, but still hangs around. Why? Because she’s still higher value than him, but he has become comfortable and believes that if he tried, he could do better. But LVM don’t try to improve themselves, as we all know. And the woman stays because there’s this narrative out there that “this” is what compatibility and companionship in a long term relationship looks like. The rom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 12:00 AM
10

So, so, so true. I feel like that’s going to be a process very similar to when I first found FDS- scared to have standards because it limited my dating pool and therefore finding a partner for life (but now I know I wouldn’t want anyone who didn’t live up to my standards!). Going through this with friendships is exactly what I need to do (and have started to do with the worst pickmeshas) but it’s hard when relationships span decades. I’m going to figure out an action plan this weekend. Thanks fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 12:22 AM
3

Ummm what the actual f*!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 11:29 PM
28

That’s horrible that the expectation is for a woman to always be available for sex in a relationship. It’s the definition of sexual coercion. Anyone who follows that advice and pressures a woman into sex is a sexual abuser or rapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 11:28 PM
10

Yusss!! ❤️👑💃🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 11:19 PM
8

My mum was amazing when I was growing up! She was born in the 50s and her mum/aunts/society shamed her for her 5’9” height. She grew up being told to “stand in the back” of photos so she wouldn’t look so tall, to curl up in bed and put books on her head so she didn’t grow taller, and constantly slouching. As a result, she refused to measure my sister and my height growing up (or even really referring to our height at all). This is still an internalised response, but I was never ashamed of my hei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 11:17 PM
8

I wish I could upvote this more than once! I adore towering over men on the office. Ignore me now, scrote!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 11:03 PM
39

“”It disgusts me we live in a society that’s so terrified of a man getting cut down by their own disgusting depravity that we turn a blind eye to this bullshit. We don’t take allegations seriously especially if it’s in a marriage or relationship, we vilify women who do report, and rapists rarely see proportional punishment if they face any at all yet they cry “false allegations” all the gd time.”” Yes. My ex-NV-husband always coerced and pressured me into sex. Constantly. The phrase “just a litt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 10:20 PM
55

This! Thank you for putting it so well! I still feel rising fury at my ex who never took my worries/requests/anger seriously. It wasn’t until I asked for a divorce that he said “I didn’t think you were serious until now”. Meanwhile I’d been living out of home for four months already. The “communication” had happened for at least five years until then. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 03:55 AM
2

Aw thanks :) But it's still made me think/reflect! And I love that! So double thank you. Enjoy the songs!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 03:29 AM
2

A few more :) Woman | Diana Gordon - I've posted this one before, but it deserves a repeat. I love the tune. Now I've been around FDS for a bit longer, I can see that there's 1-2 lines that are troubling (e.g. " Turn a boy to a man"), but the rest of the song is spot on! (e.g. "Got a whole lot of nerve, she the flame in the fire...She's a lover and a fighter and a king and a mother... build a whole empire, That woman got a story, With her halo standing and her glory") Just a girl | No Doubt - Ra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 12:34 AM
3

This. I love Beyoncé and everything she stands for. I listen to Lemonade in my own time because I do love that album. Plus, I was trying to include mostly less popular obscure songs on the list. But on your point- I think I need to do a bit of critical self reflection. I don’t judge B (how could I? 👑) but it was an oversight to not include a single song from that album on this list. And parts of what you said- particularly around “role model” choices- is unfortunately probably true for me. Thank…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 10:10 PM
2

I love these classics! The Billie Holiday one in particular is so smooth. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 10:02 PM
2

Oh amazing!! Thank you so much for these recommendations. I’ve added them to my playlist. It’s pretty funny/sad, I now have a critical ear for music lyrics and so my normal list of saved songs has seriously slimmed down since joining FDS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 09:51 PM
2

Congratulations!! 🤍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 09:47 PM
1

Aww thanks lovely ☺️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 09:46 PM
71

Same here sis! And I look around at the men of my age (32) and they are in such a worse state than me! And I live in Australia where the men are apparently babes. They’re not- they’ve got a paunch, are balding, don’t know how to dress for their body shape (materials, cut, etc), are pasty from working desk jobs 24/7, and are just generally looking so much older and less sexy than women my age! I can’t believe how worried I was about hitting a wall sometime in my 30s. I can now tell it’s a looooon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 11:59 AM
42

Yup. 100%. I didn’t realise until I was married, exactly as you said. Therefore I’m now divorced and thriving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 11:56 AM
30

Because they want to feel like they’re in control of the female population at large, and every woman is available to them. A boot on the neck type of mentality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 10:34 PM
7

Yusss! 👸🏻👑🙌 5’10” here and couldn’t agree more! Plus, I usually find it’s the (LV) men who make it awkward, eg refusing to walk with me if I’m wearing my heels (I bought Louboutins for me thank you very much- I’ll wear them if I want to!). So yes to tall men! Edit to add: And HVM. That’s a basic requirement. Tall is just the preference 😉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 02:40 AM
3

Here’s a few ☺️ Highvalue__ Natlue Sgrstk The_female_lead Herincrediblemindset Lovingmeafterwe Futurefemales Feminismfierce Sosheslays
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 05:54 AM
19

And she still went through the pregnancy, labor and birth for him?! (Plus pays 125% child support?!) She gave him everything he asked for, plus more. The nerve of him to complain now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:38 AM
2

You are so strong! Let the healing begin ☺️ so happy for you! Second what @goforkels said- block him as well. He will inevitably reach out, ask for a reason, and convince you to respond. Or pretend he has changed (hint- he won’t have and will only waste your time and hurt you again as he reverts to old patterns). You’re already so powerful to leave him on read! Imagine his shock when he can’t even get his low-effort texts to you! Byeeeeeee scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:02 AM
11

Yes! This! I follow some great Instagram accounts that do this. But I wish there were more ways to see this type of message every day. I feel like exposure and repetition (eg reading FDS every day) is helping change my mindset for the better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 12:50 AM
19

I know one of those men. Billionaire, doctor, philanthropist, Nobel prize winner sponsored, Government committee think tank member, Young [country] of the Year. Horrified he (and others like him) exist. They can get away with murder (scarily, possibly literally).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 12:46 AM
7

Love this post! I would even go so far as to argue that (to a certain degree) your looks and figure are also based off hard work, care, values and intelligence 👸🏻 It takes work to present the best version of yourself to the world (particularly in a chauvinist society like ours), and it’s something too many LV men don’t spend time on (thinking back to those horrid posts I’ve read here about scrotes not brushing their teeth, butt crumbs, exercising, addictions).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 12:23 AM
6

Ugh I’ve experienced exactly this as well. I’m in Australia, and have been on dates (pre-FDS) with a psychiatrist who lied about his age by ten years- intentionally (don’t they have a code of ethics?!). And a Barrister / Rhodes scholar who decreased his age by 7 years to lure me in. Other dates who were hard to find details about online were: criminals (one for defrauding the state government of >$60k when he was an employee there, another for raping a woman in his medical practice), MRAs (despi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 11:55 PM
3

Yes, she had privileges awarded to her because of her status. But that doesn’t subtract from the racist abuse, mental health trolling that it is reported she also experienced. Pretty clothes, wedding and jewellery do not make for a great life by themselves, and I don’t want to minimise the legitimacy harmful things that reportedly also happened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 11:17 PM
9

All this to say- I’m over 30 and still want this content too 😄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 12:38 AM
44

Absolutely still exists when you’re over 30. I’m 32, and a (fake) “matchmaker” tried to tell me that I have three years until I’m no longer attractive or fertile. Laughing at him because he is the ultimate LVM (literal criminal/jail time, negged, red pill, porn addicted, broke scrote... let alone his “client”, who despite being HNW and “young [country redacted] of the year” choked me without consent, leaving bruises, slept around, etc)- whilst I’m stunning, wealthy in my own right, intelligent, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 12:36 AM
37

Oh I love this point! Never thought of it before, but you’re so right, it really does send me into a ruminative state which as you’ve pointed out, is my intuition saying NO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 10:42 PM
7

Thank you for your kind words ❤️ straight after writing this, I blocked and deleted, and also emailed my psych for an appt x Edit to add: How great is this forum. Honestly. It’s making me re-examine so much and I know I’m only going to be happier for doing so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 11:24 AM
62

Married my high school sweetheart who went into investment banking. The money and mentality changed him. I could be persuaded that he was always a LVM (despite seeming HV), but he became a NVM (financially abusive, controlling) the year he started earning bank. From the outside, we/he still looked perfect because he could afford to splash on gestures, but in the marriage I became a shell of a human. So I’m cynical about finance bros who seem genuinely sweet- you never know what happens behind cl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 11:22 AM
15

...”he didn’t stop sexual intercourse when you asked him to stop once or more times”... TW Wow, that definition is staggering. I was going to answer “no, haven’t experienced sexual assault” until I read the definition. There have been countless occasions when I’ve said “no, no, no” (clearly, forcefully, genuinely) but then stopped saying it upon penetration/ being held down because - what’s the point. But these are guys I considered myself to be in a relationship with. Who I loved. I just didn’t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 11:01 AM
3

Were you trying to post on a Monday? That option is removed every Monday, and so perhaps that was the problem?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 10:05 PM
4

My dinnerware and serving platters that I only use on very special occasions Loving reading these other responses! So many other ideas!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 09:51 PM
4

That’s great she would next time. I’m not sure where you live, but in most countries there are very strict privacy laws around customer data- particularly in financial service institutions. Sending an email, LinkedIn message to an Exec at the bank, or even complaining through a formal channel within the bank should lead to the incident being taken very seriously - or at least I’d hope it would be. Failing that, any regulatory body would be very interested in hearing about this. The bank is openi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 09:48 PM
3

Saved your comment 🙌❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 06:31 AM
6

Right?!! She could have ended the video right before that comment and I would have still loved it. But when she added that line - DAMN QUEEN! :D Made me question my own niggling assumptions which may have lead me to discount / forget her message.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 11:27 PM
3

Beautifully put :) Thank you. I've found FDS (including the great conversations that are in this thread!) so helpful in better understanding the underlying values/norms motivating my desire for a particular type of life. Examining these motivations is allowing me to accept/reject based on what I truly value (and I hope, helping me to be authentic to myself). It's so helpful to hear others discussing these topics - thank you x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 11:26 PM
4

I feel you (but for different reasons I think). And thank you for highlighting your experience. Personally, I've only recently arrived at a place where I connect with this message. Reading the content on FDS every morning has helped me get to that space, as it's a reminder that a bad relationship is worse than being single and even a good relationship can have its limitations. I still want a family unit (love your definition and qualification re. friends being coupled - that's my situation right…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 11:08 PM
1

What do you think of the Miss/Ms distinction? I've always gone by Miss, however am seeing benefits to going by Ms as it doesn't reference male ownership. However I also don't want to be buying into a social convention that once you're a 'certain age' you change from Miss to Ms...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 10:47 PM
22

Me too, and me too 😊 we’re on this journey together!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 01:37 PM
42

My thoughts exactly! Although, I must say, clicking into all these FDS themed TikToks has completely raised the quality of my feed. If it wasn’t for the occasional shouty video, I don’t think I’d have come across this one!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 01:36 PM
63

🙌 wow, you sound like an amazing woman with that attitude, that life experience, and that job! Those girls are lucky to have you as their teacher!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 01:30 PM
9

Uh, good. I would never want to encounter, let alone have sex with, and especially not have a baby with, any guy who said / believed these types of things! Please stay away from us. We appreciate it! You’re doing us all a favour! 👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 01:08 AM
3

Not as serious (that I know of...yet), but still concerning. My old old (50+year old) physics teacher at my private all girls school found me on Instagram and has asked me out...I left school 15 years ago! It would have required effort to find me on socials! My memory of him is him telling me to make sure the door is left open when I stayed back after class to ask him a question, because “we don’t want anything inappropriate to be insinuated”. He was creepy. And then there was the 30+year old ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 07:36 AM
8

Oh that sounds divine 🥰 I have a lavender balm that I sometimes use too (although not that often, because I think it makes me break out 😆). But for the feel good effects, it’s 👌
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 07:31 AM
8

Your comparison to donut eaters made me lol! It makes me wonder, is there a Twitter account that highlights problematic lyrics but replaces “woman” with something else? There’s no better way to point out the absurdity! 👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 07:20 AM
40

I also rub my hands along my upper arms and neck. It’s really calming, like being a little kid getting tucked into bed again ☺️ I read that the reason it works is because it stimulates the vagus nerve 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 06:45 AM
4

A little reminder that this is a global sub- I am also very fortunate to live in a part of the world with zero community transmission, and life is almost back to normal (link to my state’s test results from the past month). This is due to the very strict preventative measures our country has taken, and also its isolation. I don’t think u/supremelyparanoid was being dismissive of the virus - she just used a turn of phrase which is common over here considering the context.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 03:27 AM
9

I feel like it goes without saying, but the majority of R&B and rap songs from the ‘00s. My playlist was almost entirely comprised of 50 Cent, Usher, Nelly, Pussycat Dolls, etc because they’re fun to dance to, but since finding FDS they actually turn my stomach 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 11:03 PM
6

I’d love to learn more too! A quick google isn’t giving me much info unfortunately
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 10:47 PM
9

Ew ew ewwww!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 09:19 PM
6

Bought Untamed on Audible after your recommendation on here ☺️ Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 05:18 AM
19

Omg are you me?! 😆 I held on to the idea of a millionaire nerd who was exhibiting a few low key red flags for months. Stuck around way too long, until the low key flags became giant big ones waving in my face. Scary now I think back to it as he had the wealth and connections to make my life tough if he chose to. I’ve never felt such relief since blocking and deleting. The soul searching that came after it also led me to find FDS. I hope you’re feeling better since deleting- please don’t look bac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 03:56 AM
7

This is a bit of a random question, but what exactly counts as choking? I don’t think it’s ever happened to me but one or two guys I’ve hooked up with have touched my neck (but it was gently, lightly). Is this a red flag? Does this count? I’m quite shaken reading these accounts and am now questioning my experiences... would I know if this was happening to me? Does it have to be this severe to count?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 12:13 AM
18

Beautifully put
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 12:16 AM
3

As a 5’10” woman, I can assure you there is no way he is 5’10” 🙌 The angles are all off- distance from arms to the ground, to his colleagues in the background, to the person taking the camera, height from which the photo is taken. Total Napoleon syndrome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 12:01 AM
5

Same!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 02:35 AM
19

I completely agree! I’m a reforming pickme and am trying to break the habit of thinking “next time it might be different”. The grea thing about this sub is (1) I’m aware of my pickmesha tendancies now, and (2) the mantra “ignore block delete” is now automatically on repeat in my head whenever I start thinking of this poor behaviour... now I just have to act on it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 02:11 AM
36

Yup. Once is a mistake, twice is a choice. Plus telling those types of jokes on heartfelt or special occasions shows a complete lack of maturity just generally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 01:41 AM
70

I deleted mine in December too and have never felt better. It’s forced me to be more proactive, seeing friends, accepting invites, and making an effort to expand my circle (Covid restrictions are relaxing where I live). I’m seeing a guy from the dating app (he contacted me in January and I thought I’d give it a go with him) and also another guy I met IRL. IRL guy is winning hands down. The OLD guy follows Insta models, plans dates last minute, and I think has porn sickness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 11:10 PM
28

I did the same but it was an 11 year relationship (and 2y marriage) that lasted my entire 20s. Heartbreaking I have almost no photos from that time of my life because I was attached at the hip to him, but what would be more heartbreaking is to see those photos popping up in phone or social media “memories”. You’ve done the right thing- hope you feel like a weight’s been lifted from your shoulders x
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 05:12 AM
43

I’m sorry, I know it must be hurtful to hear from strangers on the internet, but I agree. If someone wants to break up once it’s not promising for the future- the future stretches into forever giving him years and years to use you and then leave you when he gets that feeling again. It takes guts to bring up a breakup (getting over fear of loneliness etc) and so it’s not done accidentally. Break up with him- a HVM would do more for Valentine’s Day just generally, let alone after the s* storm he c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 05:06 AM
11

This reminds me of that Twitter comment- “In today’s episode of what object are women being compared to today...?” Clothes, cars, and toys. For real? We are not objects. We are not disposable. We are not something you can buy. And we are certainly not something that wears out. Gross comment from a gross man with an inferiority complex trying to hype himself online.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 12:03 AM
18

Holy shit. I’ve fallen for that. Ouch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 11:23 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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