👑 Listening to this on repeat! It’s valid for me to happiest single. Marriage and babies don’t have to be my life goals 👑

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lollykpops · 2021-03-07T11:44:28+00:00

Right now I teach 7 year olds in a low income area where many women have kids young (I’m 26) - and have been asked lots of times by the girls in my class why I am not married/have a boyfriend. I have been very open that I am happy being single and have talked about all the exciting experiences (like leisure travel, working in different countries, volunteering) I’ve had that might not have been possible with a husband! Now lots of the girls have ambitions for high flying jobs and say ‘I want to be single like you miss lollykpops!’ It won’t break the cycle for all of them but if I can counterbalance the ideology in the community to marry young, stay at home and pop out more kids than you can afford for just ONE girl I’ll be proud.

blilola · 2021-03-07T11:57:11+00:00

This is so true. Learning to be single this past year has been so hard! I’m slowly undoing the internalised patriarchy/ misogyny that demonised female singlehood. Initially when I was doing activities/ levelling up ie. hiking, french lessons, I was doing it because I wanted to ensure that I was able to appeal to men. And also “accidentally” bump into the love of my life. But through growth and self discovery, I have been learning that I am the love of my life. And investing in myself isn’t to find a man (that may be a bonus), but its about finding me.

Frogspocket · 2021-03-07T12:10:50+00:00

This woman is a lovely palette cleanser after that tik tok of the lady shouting about money lol.

SakuraGirl88 · 2021-03-07T13:31:28+00:00

I'm glad more women are wising up. I remember I was at a baby shower for one of my friends and an older lady asked me if I wanted to have kids. I kinda shrugged and didn't answer, but she out of nowhere just said "yes you do!" I was like "wtf". I was barely in my last year of college, marriage and kids were not my concern.

Another time, one of my family members asked "you don't want to have a nice companion?" 😒. I was still fresh out of college, mind you. I never understood the fascination. I have a friend who is the same age as me (30). She's married with two kids (7,4). She dropped out of college to get married and have kids. She's always wanted kids, but I wish she had waited and gotten a degree or something.

It also doesn't help that mom always says you miss out when you don't have kids. Miss out on what? I can't miss something I don't really want. Motherhood just doesn't appeal to me and the quality of men are in a sewer in hell.

There's other things I want to do; make more money, own a home, visit every continent twice 😅. But that's just me. I wish people would just stop trying to tell us what to value in life and let us live. We only get one life and I live my life the way I see fit. I don't need a man and kids for happiness. I just like being in the moment.

goatismycopilot · 2021-03-07T14:11:54+00:00

I have been in mixed company a few times and when the subject of dating and marriage come up the men ( we are all older) get so offended when I say I am much happier single and don't even want to date and would never get married again. One of the guys asked if I longed for companionship and I said yes that is why I try to maintain my friendships and have a dog. Of course we all want connections and relationships what a silly question. He was offended. I have noticed they are easy to offend. It isn't like I was saying hate all men blah blah. I am not trying to stop them from dating. Sure go ahead and get married for the third time I don't care.

miasmicivyphsyc · 2021-03-07T12:38:48+00:00

Honestly fuck those people who give you backhanded compliments. Like those nosy older women who never went anywhere in life and therefore wanna sabotage any younger women with ambition. They’ll say stuff like oh, you’ll find him eventually, oh it’s never too late for love, oh I’ll hook you up with my son. Like fuck off obviously you’re not doing this out of the kindness of your heart, you’re doing this out of pity and because society has told you a woman can’t be successful unless she’s tied down to a man. A man who she’ll be stuck for cleaning and cooking and child rearing until the day she dies, and these days don’t even think of getting compensation for your hard work otherwise you’re a ratchet Golddigger. Fuck all these backhanded compliments, they ain’t slick. They are jealous and it shows.

akashyaboa · 2021-03-07T13:29:40+00:00

I really did not get there alone, but I was so traumatized by being afraid of being"caught with a man" as a Muslim woman, that I'm just happier alone. Now that I'm nearing my 30's and my parents and family are starting to get worried I don't have a husband anywhere in sight, I'm happy to throw their own rules in their faces. And just on my level, I assimilate men with the high level of stress and dear for my life (literally, since I was always threatened with death if anything), so I just like to be alone now with no one around, no man, no family. I'm the happiest alone in the nature.

I'm not saying I will actively reject everyone, but if they stress me even a little, it's a no.

sitpalsap · 2021-03-07T12:53:25+00:00

I'm still in mid 20 but I realize I've already wasted so many years chasing the idea that finding love is the ultimate goal and I'll be a failure if I dont get married to my soulmate. I've switched so many desicions, plans and ideas just because deep down I was thinking that "maybe this will be where I'll finally meet the one", weather that was going to some parties, going on countless OLD dates or even moving to a different country as I've always found the men in my homecountry boring. And for what?? I was still single most of the time due to my high standards and I am still single now, realizing that at the times when I am not involved with some guy, I'm way more productive, motivated, happier and calmer in general in my life, whilst I listen to my girlfriends moan about their guys on a daily basis. Thinking, what could I have done and achived with all this time I wasted on chasing my romantic ideals? But it is what it is now.

Hearing my mum turning into even a bigger pick me these months, hearing all of the stories you girls share or reading that post where it said that women are 6x more likely than men to be left and divorced if they got cancer just make me boil inside and totally breaks my heart.

It was all a lie. It's my resolution for this year to break this pattern and set myselt free. I know I am finaly on the right track ;) wish me luck ladies!

lucretiamott1 · 2021-03-07T16:35:55+00:00

I'm almost 40 and have had several long term relationships. Just like this woman, I can say with 100% certainty that I am happiest when I'm single. I'm content and confident in myself. However, I can't say this without thinking that anyone who would hear me say it would just write me off as having "sour grapes". It's so engrained in us to believe single women must be unhappy.

Magnolia_Mirage · 2021-03-07T13:29:50+00:00

She's so smart. I'm in love.

_mooness · 2021-03-07T14:11:45+00:00

Because how could a woman possibly know what she wants?! Women are emotional and they have hormones! We’re better off listening to men telling us what we need!

🙄

kortiz46 · 2021-03-07T14:35:11+00:00

Marriage is not an accomplishment. It’s just not

Repulsive-Ad1092 · 2021-03-07T15:26:00+00:00

I am single and, for the first time, not afraid of the thought of never marrying. Well, I haven’t been happier

eaucitron · 2021-03-07T16:31:39+00:00

The older I get the more that I’m finding that I get more joy out of intellectual and athletic pursuit, my dogs and building my own little living space without having to take a lazy male into consideration. I’m starting to just not see the point in dating men with the goal being settling down/marriage. If I want kids later on in life and happen to be single, I’ll just adopt or get a sperm donor 🤷🏻‍♀️ that’s just one less child to clean up after lol

thenyashoulda · 2021-03-07T14:10:25+00:00

Why do you think that is? 🔥

Watzoo · 2021-03-07T16:19:35+00:00

Brilliantly said. 👑👑👑

I’d also point out that, should baby fever hit, one can have children and motherhood separate from marriage roles and coparenting drama. Sperm banks are a viable option.

esoldelulu · 2021-03-07T18:06:02+00:00

All great points and the biggest takeaway I got from that was she’s choosing to be single NOT BECAUSE of trauma or brokenness.

Even though I have experienced trauma, the choice for me to be single is not motivated due to that trauma or any type of fear. I know what relationship-avoidance bred from fear and unhealthy self-perception looks like. I lived through that in my young adulthood. This is not it.

This choice I make now is coming from a place rooted in my self-knowing. An honest assessment of what makes me feel whole and truly content, and a better person. I’m choosing to lean on me to be the main provider for my life experience. I choose what brings out my authenticity. And I no longer feel like that conscious autonomy is diffused or undermined by commitments I’m not 100 enthusiastic about.

Marriage, even flings, are not a necessity in my life and simply an option. I regard them now as a “choose an adventure” for a chapter and, when it has overextended its stay, turn the page. Trauma and that feeling of brokenness is in my past. Where I am now is the culmination of my past, my accomplishments, and contentment from acceptance.

It’s gotten to a great point where I can look back at these situations and appreciate the little details I picked up from some people. One man introduced me to a nice drink that I usually order from time to time, another man got me started on taking Vitamin D religiously, while another got me to appreciate video games as a way to de-stress. And while these didn’t end in the ideal way intended, i.e. a loving committed relationship, I still choose to appreciate the tiny positive things provided to me in passing as a little keepsake of the experience.

We will never be able to avoid pain and loss though. And I do dread the day when people I fiercely love now and in the future move on to a place where I can’t follow yet. Life keeps flowing after all. But I chose to be aware that I’m that one constant in my life. I have one mountain to scale, and some days there’re times I’m at the peak and other times, I slipped back. But this mountain is still completely mine. Each experience another notch for me to ascend higher.

Choosing to stay single is celebrating the life I have. I’m still sharing it with people, just not in the path that has been traditionally paved for a woman. We’ve always been paving our own path, but it hits different when you’re willing the direction it flows.

karabnp · 2021-03-07T16:38:47+00:00

YES MA’AM.💯 LOVE THIS LADY!!

I’ve said that so many times, myself: “I’m SO much happier when single!!”

When in a relationship, I always feel some level of bogged downed/chained.😕 Even if it’s just a little bit of that, I always tire of it. And QUICKLY.

AriaLuz · 2021-03-07T22:07:09+00:00

I’ve always been happy when I’m single. It’s only when I’m in a relationship or seeking a relationship do I become unhappy, stressed out, and insecure. I’ve been single for the past six years as well as being celibate. I never would have been as successful or as driven as I was if I was in a relationship and had children.

Snoo-97022 · 2021-03-07T14:57:54+00:00

Thank you for posting this. It really solidifies why I am glad I never wanted to fit in and hearing this makes me realise more are waking up. Thank goodness 🙏

academinx · 2021-03-07T15:08:31+00:00

Went to go follow her and I already do 😅

SayNad · 2021-03-08T17:38:30+00:00

A fully grown woman is articulating what makes her happy but you don't believe her, right?

Why do you think that is?

SPOT. THE. HECK. ON!!!! I lost count how many times I tell people I prefer not pursuing relationship and instead I want to spend all my years on self growth, and people immediately disregard what I just said with the stupid, "Oh you just don't meet the right man yet, you will change your mind then!" and treat me like a fucking child because I don't want to date and find a husband. Just because of that, and I am a 30 years old adult woman!

Apparently I live my life all these years, and I somehow still don't know what makes me happy. To throw insult to injury, some of the ones saying those bullshit are in their early 20s. Them be thinking they are more mature than me, hence can tell me how to live my life just because they are in relationships. What. The. Absolute. Fuck.

tiavarga · 2021-03-07T15:14:23+00:00

She is spitting 💯 facts!

TheFinalGirl_21 · 2021-03-07T13:33:10+00:00

Desiring partnership is biological, not patriarchal. But I do agree with the video’s message overall. Also, I think it’s very easy to confidently declare lifelong singlehood when you grew up in a loving, supporting home where you were validated (I don’t know OP, but speaking generally). A lot of women who romanticize “happily ever after” come from abuse and dysfunction, and finding a partner is less about patriarchal pressure and more about,”Will somebody ever love me?” or “Can I create the family I never got to have?” I recognize this in a lot of relationships I see.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen that factor addressed. It’s all fun and games to rebel against your normcore mom and dad and siblings to be the fun, childfree aunt. But if you’ve never experienced what it’s like to be part of a functional, stable family unit...having a string of unsuccessful dating relationships and finally being encouraged to “just be alone” can be devastating. Even pickmes know that men are shit, but being alone can be scary. Period, and I don’t blame them for wanting to avoid it. I still shudder to think about that “1F” situation. I’m always going to encourage women to eliminate harmful, useless men (the standard) from their lives, but I’m never going to assume all or most women who prefer to have male companionship are simply slaves to patriarchy. That’s reductive and a teensy bit internally misogynistic.

2021-03-07T20:39:57+00:00

This is so powerful 🥰

AlexxyaKat · 2021-03-07T22:01:38+00:00

What a badass queen, she snapped !!

dogeatpawworld · 2021-03-08T17:47:43+00:00

So much truth in one video I needed to lie down even tho I am already lying down

honeybeeroll · 2021-03-08T18:37:27+00:00

"you were not put on this planet to find someone" well said, I really like this. Thanks in large part to FDS, I realized almost a year ago I don't want to be married, don't want kids, don't even want a bf. One of the best things that ever happened to me.

Maybe I'll be a single parent by choice, adopting adopt a school aged kid when I'm closer to 40 and if I can figure out the logistics of homeschooling + working full time, but who knows. It just feels good to know the option is there. Since I realized I don't want marriage and I have so much time to decide about adoption, I feel free. My life doesn't depend on the random chance of ~meeting someone~ anymore, and sometimes I'm shocked/saddened at how low my self esteem was and how much self worth I placed on male validation that I was planning my life on that random chance. I'd give anything to see how crazy and dangerous that was before, but better late than never I suppose.

Grateful for the FDS aligned friends in my life and for this sub as a daily reminder of good ways conduct my life.

sunset_sunshine30 · 2021-03-07T17:20:12+00:00

Saved. Love it!

Novemberinthechair · 2021-03-07T18:02:15+00:00

Perfect.

dkwantsdk · 2021-03-07T20:13:37+00:00

Self-oppression. So well said!

KnowledgeOk5995 · 2021-03-07T18:24:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

dominicanpowerhouse · 2021-03-09T19:37:54+00:00

Damn this is good. Thanks for sharing, I really needed to hear this

Title	👑 Listening to this on repeat! It’s valid for me to happiest single. Marriage and babies don’t have to be my life goals 👑
Author	cmil7731
Upvotes	1956
Comments	107
Date	March 7, 2021 11:16 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lzop3d/listening_to_this_on_repeat_its_valid_for_me_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/listening-to-this-on-repeat-its-valid-for-me-to.1191253 https://theredarchive.com/post/1191253

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