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View 5 posts and 65 comments by edu_sysadmin on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
17

edu_sysadmin/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 12:58 PM
16

edu_sysadmin/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 12:50 PM
12

edu_sysadmin/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 02:26 PM
12

Dating After Divorceedu_sysadmin/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 02:25 PM
2

Dealing with the Ex / STBXedu_sysadmin/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 08:34 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

I also lost a shit ton of weight when things started unraveling - weight I couldn't afford to lose. I made a "two week survival" guide (check my post history) but the basic version is work on maintaining your basic needs (eat, sleep, work) and lean on anyone in your life who can help support you emotionally (this will help you process the grief faster). And obviously, find a therapist. If you can't afford one, there are plenty of fellow men here in this sub that'd be happy to lend an ear. EDIT: …
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 02:05 AM
1

Thanks, my frustration is nobody can tell me whether it's actually my gallbladder - they just wanna remove it. Doctor won't order a HIDA scan so looking for another doctor. I've seen horror stories in the gallbladder reddit about negative outcomes from the surgery so I wanna be 100% sure it's the issue and not just stress.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 06:00 PM
2

I hear you and agree it's all good advice. The problem I struggle with is getting the energy to hit the gym, touch up the house, even just cook healthy meals. How does one take baby steps towards improvement while physically on empty?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 09:25 PM
2

Anything in particular help?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 07:42 PM
3

I've kept telling my therapist I don't feel like I'm doing well and she's like well duh it'd be weird if you were fine 😂
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 06:18 PM
7

Not at all what I asked
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 04:48 PM
4

I don't think I've met anyone who didn't lose a bunch of weight. I always thought it was because they were taking better care of themselves - no, grief did it. Ironically, my ex-wife lost a lot of weight and looks the best she's ever looked, it stings while I watch her walk out the door.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 04:46 PM
3

Damn, I actually have a lot of what you posted about adrenal fatigue. This shit is no joke. Hope we both can de-stress enough that our bodies can heal back up - cuz what other option is there.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 04:28 PM
7

Yeah, my ex and I split things 50/50, which is what our state law defaults to. Spent half the marriage as a stay at home mom. It doesn't feel right that she got to walk away with $200k, but the legal advice I got said she could absolutely have gotten more if she wanted. But you repeated the best advice I ever got - you can always make more money but you can't get those years with your kid back.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 02:38 PM
6

Lots of people will say to channel that anger into something productive. Go to a gym, pursue a hobby, whatever - I disagree. While a gym helps physically release that anger, you also have to feel it to get thru it. Be angry. Be pissed. I found journaling, writing letters I'll never send, and venting to any friends that would listen - and that's what got me thru it in the end. But whatever you do, don't do something that'll land you in hot water. Your best revenge is to move on like she didn't ev…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 03:12 AM
1

That's what I think I should feel, but at the moment I have no one else
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 12:35 PM
3

I just don't even know how to build a social network. Meeting people in your late 30s ain't super easy, especially as a guy. There's a ton of women-only social groups on Meetup in my area, only sports stuff for men (I'm dealing with an injury that prohibits me from sports for now)
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 09:00 PM
4

Yeah, she invites me to things but also has her own friend group she does stuff with. I believe we both wanna stay friends, I just don't know what that transition looks like from wife to friend.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 08:38 PM
6

Well back in my day in 2010 with a desktop computer, I had the opposite problem. No one would reply to messages, but once they did I had probably an 80% success rate landing the first date. Just an interesting observation 🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 08:36 PM
5

Same boat as you - been at it for 2 weeks now. Unlike my early 20s, my late 30s self is getting matches much quicker. Problem is I can't seem to nail down dates. Everyone chats and responds to my messages, couple I've vibed with pretty well - asked on a date, both said yes, then ghosted when I proposed a date, time, and location. Not sure if it's my age bracket or just online dating in 2026, but what is up with that?
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 08:24 PM
3

That first paragraph hit me hard - I too sacrificed everything for my wife, only to have her leave suddenly for a woman. Only thing I don't relate to in your post is the rocking abs and income lol.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 02:58 PM
2

My stbxw moved out this past weekend. Things really feel real now, but emotionally I'm holding up better than I expected. With her leaving, I no longer have to walk on eggshells all the time so that's been a relief but also lonely with just my daughter and I in this half empty house.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 07:23 PM
6

^^ this. Destroying a family is an incredibly selfish thing to do. I could never.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 07:22 PM
2

Love is a choice should be said more often. Yes, love is a feeling as well, but more importantly it's something you choose to do each and every day to the partner you made your wedding vows to.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 07:21 PM
12

I absolutely feel crazy too. My wife came out as a lesbian last month and left me after 15 years married. I saw her cry exactly one time, and I think that was only because she saw how badly she was ruining my life. Otherwise she's been happy, hanging out with her besties, being told she's so brave for coming out and choosing to live authentically...meanwhile I'm left picking up the pieces and trying to be the stable parent for our daughter. Oh, also it turns out she monkey branched and has been …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 12:07 PM
2

Today is day 34 since my wife and I separated. So not long at all.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 01:31 AM
4

I'm still trying to figure out how someone is supposed to know if they're ready or not. I have no idea if I'm ready.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 12:11 AM
4

My ex and I were lucky enough to be able to do mediation and avoid court. That said, we also had some minor disagreements but I think we both understood that going to court and paying lawyers would have meant the lawyers would be the only winners with their expensive legal fees. In my opinion, it's better to look at the deal and say "can I live with this" rather than focusing on being perfectly equal and fair. I heard one person say you know a deal is fair when both parties walk away unhappy.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 03:46 PM
3

Following cuz I'd like to know the answer too
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 07:01 PM
1

We all live and we learn. It sounds like you've done a lot of work on yourself and you should be proud of it. We'll get thru this one day and hopefully find happiness again
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 02:32 AM
2

Not sure if you're talking couples therapy or personal therapy, so I'll give you my opinions on both. For couples therapy, I personally asked for it because my stbxw and I's relationship started feeling off. Long story short, she only did the couples therapy until her master plan to monkey branch and come out as a lesbian was fully cooked. However, I feel like I learned a lot, specifically about healthy communication, that will help me in a future romantic relationship. For personal therapy, I'v…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 02:19 AM
3

Omg right? My wife left me for a woman and it is so emasculating living in the same house during this separation while she's constantly flirting with this girl and basically completely moved on from me. Like how little did our 15 years matter if you can drop me in an instant?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 02:12 PM
3

Yep, I keep saying I don't want to just live, I want to thrive. It's a real challenge for me to be ok with just surviving day to day but the therapist says that's just how it's gonna be for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:41 PM
11

I actually just talked to my therapist about this last night. I feel like I'm paralyzed and stuck in limbo - I don't feel like I can start my new life until the divorce is finalized. I want to start living and feel fulfilled in life, but all I can do right now is sleep, go to work, and eat. The therapist said this is all I need to do for now. Divorce is like a nuclear bomb being dropped in your life, and it's ok to be not ok (in fact if you were fine, that'd be weird!). The only thing that will …
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:00 PM
2

What I hear is a lot of guilt coming from you. I think it's hard to feel like you're a burden to someone. Or that you're holding someone back in some way. You can look at this in one of two ways: 1) you're feeling guilty for holding her back, yet she's choosing to stay with you. That's her choice, not something to feel bad about 2) you're feeling guilty and that guilt makes YOU not want to stay See there's a difference. Are you worried about how she feels about you? Or are you just done? It take…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 12:23 AM
1

Our marriage counselor said anything is possible to forgive. She worked with multiple couples with infidelity - some worked thru it, some didn't. No, you'll probably never trust her 100% again, and that scar from her hurting you will always be there. However you can still make it work as long as you both are committed to working thru the issues, identify how you got where you are, and work to rebuild your marriage from the ground up. As someone going thru an involuntary divorce, if I were in you…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 04:35 PM
2

This is my worry. Our divorce just started but I'm unsure how I'll ever "get over her" when I'll see/talk to her nearly everyday as a co-parent
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 01:47 PM
7

I absolutely feel this. Similar situation, similar timeline. I'm also doing everything and somehow stay standing. If it's taught me anything, it's that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was, and you are too.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 04:49 PM
2

My ex and I have a good relationship currently. Though we're only at the beginning part of the divorce journey, I too oscillate between sadness and anger. When you're sad, I can cry to get those feelings out. When I'm angry, well that's what I haven't figured out yet. I don't wanna ruin our co-parenting relationship, but I also can't yet forgive her for the devastation she's caused our family (not to mention finances). As for ditching the negativity, what I hear others say is time heals all woun…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 11:50 AM
1

That's awesome and exactly what we're trying to do (even down to the no alimony and I buy out the house!)
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 12:28 AM
4

OP I am in the exact same situation as you, also with a 9 year old. I never imagined being alone again was a possibility. I want nothing more than to go back to how things were, to grasp at the straws of the life that's slipping away. I don't have any advice to offer, but my DMs are open in you want to chat.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 08:24 PM
3

Bro, I'm actually really intrigued by this conversation - call me philosophical lol. What I hear you saying is that you believe that you can control another person by modeling perfect behavior in all areas. With your wife cheating, I get what you're saying that maybe being short in certain areas made it easier - but what you're implying is that if you weren't short, then you could have prevented her from making that decision. I really believe the adage that it takes two to marry but one to leave…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 06:08 PM
3

Of course I don't think I'm perfect! I'm not trying to argue, as I actually agree that 99% of the time it's true, but I really don't think my lack of a vagina is something that could have been overcome by trying harder.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:55 PM
3

I disagree with you. My wife left due to coming out as a lesbian. It definitely is 100% the fault of only one person...unless you think somehow I turned her gay lol
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:43 PM
4

$100k debt and no job - dude, those are some red flags. Seeing what divorce is currently doing to my finances, I don't see how I could ever get married again unless there's a prenup
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:33 PM
3

Thinking what a shame...I thought I was the only that thought that way! None of my family or friends have been divorced - I had absolutely no idea how much trauma and grief they were going thru. Definitely the hardest thing I've ever dealt with
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:29 PM
2

Ok, your story is really really close to what happened to me. See if any of this sounds right. My stbxw and I are late 30s, married 15 years, with a kid. Our sex life started declining about two years ago, and stopped completely this past July. Even kissing and hugs stopped completely. We started going to marriage therapy. These past couple years my wife went back to school and started a new career - it was a tough time and I thought marriage therapy would help us reconnect. Maybe she must not w…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 03:25 PM
3

That's honestly my biggest struggle as well. My wife was everything to me, and still means so much to me. I keep feeling like this is a dream, that my partner of 15 years and mother of my child would just abandon me. How did she become a lesbian overnight? How could our family and future be destroyed so quickly? I'm where you are on figuring out how to move forward. I'm nearing 40 and starting over at this age sounds so much harder. I feel like women are looking for excitement (or at least they …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 03:12 PM
2

I'm literally just 3 weeks into it as of today and it's hell. Married 15 years.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 08:01 PM
2

That's a tough call. I don't know your age or if you have kids (guessing not or they're grown). I'm also terrified of being alone but I didn't get a choice. Probably unpopular opinion - if it were up to me, I'd say look at the life you've built together over the past 29 years. No marriage is perfect and it certainly sounds like yours has been bumpy. But the question I'd ask is whether you think throwing away the past 29 years for the potential of maybe finding someone new/better is worth it? Thi…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 07:42 PM
2

I think all of us feel this way, but I saw a reply elsewhere that really helped me find peace with it. They said "it's just money, you have plenty of time to make more." At the end of the day, you have two presumably wonderful kids who had a full-time mom growing up, and you'll forever share that with her. As unfair as it is, it simply doesn't help to dwell on it - what matters is that the split goes smoothly and you can maintain the best relationship possible for co-parenting. And this might st…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 02:55 PM
2

Definitely feel what you're going thru. I too watched my stbxw morph into a different person over a couple years. After months of marriage counseling and individual therapy, she came out of the closet as a lesbian. So when you say you're consumed by replaying your marriage, believe me I hear you. The bad news is I'm only 3 weeks into this and I haven't found an answer. I still wake up each day feeling like this can't be real. The best I can offer is to DM me if you wanna talk. I'd also look into…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 11:50 AM
3

That's abuse, plain and simple. Get yourself together and see a therapist. All of us in this Reddit have felt your anger but you have to channel it appropriately.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 11:40 AM
1

I heard OLD was hell for men these days lol. I mean, I did meet my ex-wife online though so it did work once!
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 12:02 PM
1

That's great news for me then! Now the question is where do I meet them?
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 11:58 AM
4

Well I've heard about a two week rotation but I've never known anyone to implement it. Fact is basically nobody, myself included, wants to go more than a week without seeing their kid. In my case we even briefly considered a 2-2-5-5 schedule because even a week seemed long, but logistically week on week off is easy to keep track of.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 11:55 AM
3

It sounds like a breakdown in communication is occurring. I would strongly consider marriage counseling if possible. I learned a ton about how to communicate better - didn't save my marriage due to other reasons but will definitely help in future ones. But the success of marriage therapy will depend on how committed BOTH of you are to fixing the relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 11:51 AM
4

I'm 18 days into it. It is getting easier but I still love her so much. Currently still living together - don't feel like I can really process and heal until she moves out
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 11:30 PM
0

If you're using dating apps, I don't think you need to advertise you're separated, but I think you should be upfront when you meet. If the tables were turned, I wouldn't be open to dating a women who's technically still married.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:45 PM
3

It's been two weeks for me and I'm falling apart physically on top of the emotional turmoil. Yet somehow I have to show up at work and at home.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 05:09 PM
2

Absolutely this! I don't know how long you've been together, but going thru a divorce is never easy. But you can choose to start over WITH her. Both of you will have to try, it'll be like building a new marriage, but you'll have your shared history together to support you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 05:02 PM
2

Love this statement. Yeah, it's not the missing woman that's the problem. It's that your life was built together and it's now split in two unexpectedly. You have to grieve the future you were working for that's now gone.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 03:29 PM
1

This is the best response ^^ OP, you don't have to think about anything right now other than getting thru the next hour. Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary issue, and you don't wanna do that to your kid. I've been thru a lot of dark times but every time there's eventually a light at the end of the tunnel. You won't wanna miss what happens next in your life, I promise.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 12:21 PM
3

100% agree, I still have a hell of a long way to go. However as I read people's stories, they always say things get better but never actually said how you get thru the initial phase. I just wanted to write what I found helped me, as there just weren't that many resources that told me what I should expect to feel. Maybe it helps, maybe not, still worth it to post for future new divorces
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 03:25 PM
1

Yes, that's a fantastic one! My friend asked if I wanted to go to a shooting range. Have I ever fired a gun in my life? No. Did it sound like fun? Absolutely not. But I went anyways and it was fine - wouldn't do it again but it got me out of the house and distracted me for a hour. Definitely say yes to any invitations!
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 02:37 PM
1

No AI here. Kinda funny people think things are AI, but AI is trained from human input so yes it looks alike 😆
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 01:35 PM
4

I'm in this same boat. 15 year marriage and 38 YO. I keep hearing that we should get hobbies and "be visible in your community." But the real problem in the US is we don't have the concept of a "third place" outside work and home where people congregate. When I'm ready to date, I'll try dating apps (heard that's hell) but it doesn't solve the friendship problem right now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 10:13 PM
8

I think we all know the answer but hate it: time. The truth is a bond built over years won't go away in days. Believe me though, if I could make it go faster I would...
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 12:22 AM
3

I'm 8 days out from my wife saying she wants a divorce and I'm just as much of a mess. As a man, I think divorce is so much harder on us.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 12:28 PM
3

I have no doubt that we'll have a great relationship as co-parents, but the process of getting to that place over the next several months is so painful.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 01:30 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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