fiddsy Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
27	Feel destroyed	Rant	fiddsy	/r/Divorce_Men	22/12/25 12:32 AM
20	Are they all the same?	Custody	fiddsy	/r/Divorce_Men	23/03/26 04:21 AM
18	Emotional collapse	Rant	fiddsy	/r/Divorce_Men	29/01/26 04:28 AM
8	Anger stage of grief		fiddsy	/r/Divorce_Men	08/02/26 10:25 AM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
6	Just need support, I guess. Just remember, she'll look happy... probably be happy... probably be the version you wish she could have been with you... But that honeymoon period will end and it wont last... she'll probably end up repeating the same cycle. This new guy... hes going to have to put up with her shit...	/r/Divorce_Men	13/07/26 02:36 PM
5	Had a nice little surprise yesterday Id give it a crack though...	/r/Divorce_Men	11/06/26 12:29 AM
1	To everyone going through it right now, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. I promise Short version - I hit what I hope is/was rock bottom. Legit had a stress rash on my face that wouldn't go away. Put on about 7kg probably stress/emotional eating. Total overwhelm and burn out - struggled to function at work and personally. My blood pressure went up into hospitalisation level. So.. ive been exercising daily. I went out and bought some new clothes. Ive focused more energy into hobbies and catching up with friends. Keep myself better groomed - trim beard and shave head 1-2 times a …	/r/Divorce_Men	10/06/26 03:02 AM
5	To everyone going through it right now, there IS light at the end of the tunnel. I promise Hay - thanks, I needed to hear this... its funny, I actually feel like ive turned a corner these past couple of weeks. Im beginning to see light but it appears so damn far away and faint! 7 months officially separated, 10months unofficially - really thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/06/26 07:41 AM
11	Post-Divorce Aftermath You cut all communication except purely kids logistics. And those logistics are purely done via email. Kids exchanges are done with as little human face to face interaction as possible. When at shared kids events - smile, say hi and say bye... thats it. Shes trash. The relationship should have been done and dusted when she cheated but you didnt... learn from that mistake. The person you fell in love with no longer exists. Its now a purely business relationship - you coparent and thats the extent…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/06/26 02:02 AM
1	Physical Health Wrecked from Divorce? I put on 6-7kgs, face broke out with a stress rash, blood pressure went into danger territory. Now on a supplement schedule, meds, meal plans, daily exercise, focus on hobbies - long way 2 go but dropped 4kgs this past month.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/06/26 02:23 AM
13	It wasn’t entirely your fault. Adultery should never be forgiven. Never take back a cheater..	/r/Divorce_Men	06/06/26 04:40 AM
8	How do I deal with this rage Channel that anger... channel it into working out... channel it into making life long quality changes to yourself. Im still super angry at my ex and myself. Myself for giving her everything I had for 16+ years and getting 13 years of crumbs in return. Angry at myself for not leaving years ago. Anger for the shell of a person I became from the super confident person I once was. Anger at the time I lost, for letting my physical and mental health falter. Angry at her for 100 different reasons. Angr…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/06/26 02:33 AM
3	First Date in 15 Years Yea 23 years of shared history but 16+ together. I downloaded to apps - had some hotties match but flaked everytime 1 wanted to meet up so deleted all the apps. Cross between 'i cant be fked' and 'my ex has left me destroyed'	/r/Divorce_Men	31/05/26 03:29 PM
3	First Date in 15 Years 16+ years... cant bring myself to date - 7 months...	/r/Divorce_Men	31/05/26 02:43 PM
1	How do you even get to the sad part, I can only just feel anger Guess i rotate between hurt, sad and anger constantly - such is grief. Hopefully oneday I can look back with indifference but I doubt it.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/05/26 09:45 AM
7	May I ask what led to your divorce? Im 8 months in but officially 5 months - had been feeling good but had 1 pf my hardest days yet yesterday... I really hope in a couple years I can look back at this and feel indifference... I would happily never see or hear from her ever again but unfortunately with 2 kids and shared care... thats impossible... FYI, I dont think shes a bad person... but shes broken and incapable of maintaining a loving stable relationship - plus the damage she has done to me may never fully heal. Thats my vent -…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/05/26 12:02 PM
5	May I ask what led to your divorce? I know going forward... I will avoid women with daddy issues, fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant attachment styles and trauma. Im not putting myself through that again... if it means I never meet anyone ever again... so be it... as much as it sucks knowing that some fker will briefly get that version I fell in love with... and how unfair it feels after losing and sacrificing myself... I almost feel sorry for all those future partners because at some point, shes going to deactivate with them…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/05/26 11:52 AM
16	May I ask what led to your divorce? 3 of the happiest years of my life... When our first was born, she had a complete internal collapse... Next 6 years were up and down but if I look, the highs consistently got less and lower and lows for more frequent and lower... Then the last 7 years there was a rapid and sudden decline until she had completely shut herself off emotionally, physically and sexually. 2 years of weekly marriage counselling and we had never been more disconnected... I realised I was and always have been the 1 holdi…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/05/26 11:33 AM
2	Wife wants to be debt free Im going through this now with child support. Pretty much calculates of assessable incomes of both parties and custody arrangements. However you can lodge your CS1970 and section 8 / 8b to request one of both parents be assessed based off earning potential... need to meet specific criteria, gets assessed on a case by case basis but needs to be lodged retrospectively and i was told it can take a few months. My ex said she is not going to work anymore than the 2 days she currently works (even thou…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/05/26 11:16 PM
5	9 months out from 13 years. 8 months.... today was a hard 1 for me...	/r/Divorce_Men	02/05/26 01:23 PM
4	Wife wants to be debt free Yea mine always said 50/50 if anything was to ever happen. We were/are doing temporary 6/8 as a pathway to 7/7. But when the time came and the reality of what separation and divorce meant... shes realised if she gets more custody, she gets more child support and a higher asset division... So now shes pushing for more custody... On top of that, shes refusing to pick up more work so she can maximise child support and asset division. I have been servicing the entire mortgage and debts + the vast ma…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/05/26 09:23 AM
3	How much responsibility do you bear for your divorce? This might be a long reply but i promise it'll address your comment at the end! Ahahah I had quite a defining moment when I actually went back and read messages from YEARS prior... all the way back to the start of the 16+ years... My ex in the 2 years of therapy was saying that id sent messages throughout the 16+ years blaming her, using coercive language, being manipulative and pressuring. TBH - I really begun to believe it. I also understand that was her perspective.. her lived reality... not …	/r/Divorce_Men	01/05/26 12:12 AM
2	How much responsibility do you bear for your divorce? I am 50% of the dynamic that didnt work and kept going in circles but her childhood trauma, extreme avoidance and withdrawal from emotional, physical and sexual intimacy due to her fearful avoidant attachment style.. and her unwillingness to address her issues is 100% all on her.... To a degree, i have 100% responsibility for the divorce because I am the 1 that after 16+ years but 13 years of her avoidance - i initiated divorce lol... Though really she ended it many MANY years prior.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/04/26 11:26 PM
1	How long do you keep trying till you made the call? 16+ years... First 3 utterly amazing. Next 4 up and down. Next 1.5 year decent but higher highs and lower lows. Next 3.5 years gradual consistent decline from low into cohabitation. Next 2 years massive disconnect & shut down - almost no emotional, physical and sexual connection. Last 2 years in marriage counselling with complete emotional, physical and sexual avoidance, complete disconnection. Should have called it at the 8-9 year mark instead of destroying myself trying to make it work for the…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/04/26 08:58 AM
2	What would it take for you to rekindle your love with your ex-wife? The truth is, rekindling wouldn't be out of love from her - it would be because life was easier for her before - so it would be out of circumstances rather than love. Guess id never be able to trust the reason for rekindling so I don't think I/we ever would.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/04/26 07:46 AM
3	Do you need to hear this? I wish it was on my wrist instead of my face lol!	/r/Divorce_Men	24/04/26 01:03 AM
4	Do you need to hear this? 16 years, 23 years of shared history. Only about 7months in but 5 months officially. Burnt out... developed a fkn stress rash... needed to hear this. Cheers and congrats!	/r/Divorce_Men	23/04/26 05:21 PM
1	First parenting discussion after separation turned into a mess. Need honest advice Luckily we ain't at court yet but are doing mediation - i have a feeling its going to head towards court thought.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/04/26 01:04 PM
3	First parenting discussion after separation turned into a mess. Need honest advice Shes positioning. Mine always said 50/50. And then she realised she gets lower asset division & child support with equal shared care. We were doing 8/6 as a transition to 7/7 but now shes pushing 9/5. Even admitted shes pushing for it for financial reasons and has nothing to do with how capable I am. However, also started to push all the language of 'im the primary parent and its in the kids best interest. Funny how her language and actions massively changed after she got legal advice. 100% posi…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/04/26 02:46 PM
6	Would you do it all over again? Yes but id have left 7-10 years earlier.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/04/26 05:18 AM
1	How can we fix the mess we're in now? Hay... Being with an avoidant or heavily avoidant sucks... So... theres 2 sides here... There's his lived experience and your lived experience and the reality is probably somewhere between. But... you may not agree with his lived experience just like he may not agree with your lived experience but the idea of couples therapy is to validate how each person feels about their lived experience. To sympathise and try understand their positive need, to communicate and validate their experience. Hopefu…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/04/26 10:19 AM
6	Honestly, how many of you in a relationship with a woman now that was hotter than your ex? No, not that I know of and I am pretty certain on this... as much as anyone can be... but i guess you never truly know... Just had a super long list of issues and childhood trauma & attachment issues she never dealt with and eventually closed herself off emotionally, physically and sexually. Tunnel visioned her entire identity into being a mother.. left no room for anything else or anyone else from family to friends to the relationship and marriage. I'm under no illusion that she'll have 1000s o…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/04/26 09:59 AM
12	Honestly, how many of you in a relationship with a woman now that was hotter than your ex? My ex is easily 9+ in looks but id happily take a 6+ in looks who's a 10 in personality and connection. Did 16+ years with the super hot woman with a list of issues longer than my arm, not keen 2 do that again...	/r/Divorce_Men	13/04/26 09:48 AM
21	Well, im in the early stages of seperating and divorce... Welcome to the dark side my brother. Many of us lost ourselves trying to make it work or save the marriage. Wait until you hit the angry stage where you get super pissed at her for not trying and extra super pissed at yourself for throwing everything you had at a lost cause.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/04/26 05:08 AM
9	Wife cheated The woman you loved and fell in love with no longer exists. We all figure that out at some stage - some sooner than others, others figure it out later rather than sooner. Cohabitation is soul destroying - sharing a space is soul destroying. I hope the house sells soon for your sake.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/04/26 04:33 AM
1	Quips of hope? Yep. Mine always said 50/50 custody if things ever ended - said a lot of things. But now that we are separated - all the sht she said to me over the 16 years went out the window with money and custody gets involved. Even more so that they are granted money with more custody so the system is generally setup for kids to be used as a lever. Shes not the woman I knew... or thought I knew...	/r/Divorce_Men	31/03/26 06:36 AM
2	What books do you recommend? Man... I've gone through so many different books / audio books... Its hard to pin down which ones to recommend... I guess it all depends on the situation and where your at... For example, 'no more mr nice guy' - tbh, the first time a read it, I didnt feel like i got much out of it and found a large portion of it not super relevant. However, I re listened to the audio book nearly 2 years later and found I got a lot more out of it... hard to say if that was because of personal growth or change in …	/r/Divorce_Men	31/03/26 06:26 AM
11	Let’s get to the point - did she leave us because of money, sex or boredom While I technically ended it, she really ended it years prior... Shes a fearful avoidant who is heavy on avoidance... and has serious control issues... We went from super connected - emotionally, physically and sexually - to avoidance on all fronts when some life stressors were added (kids). Went from hypersexual to hyposexual like a light switch being flicked... For 13 years, I kept filling the voids she created... while she avoided emotional, physical and sexual intimacy. Then she says we are …	/r/Divorce_Men	29/03/26 01:03 AM
4	Are they all the same? Thanks for the advice, I have organised legal advice. I started labelling and recording all financial transactions months ago as well as detailing parental care. And transitioned to a purely 'transactional' communication over a month ago. Guess I feel like im in catchup mode now but was smart enough to begin certain systems as I've seen so many people get destroyed during separation and divorce.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/03/26 05:47 AM
1	Are they all the same? Cheers - guess its just super frustrating because I've put together and presented multiple proposals that put the kids first, then her and then me last. I mean, even the couples therapist said to her - you didnt want to make the marriage work, so you only have 2 options, get back together or accept this is going to be difficult for you both and there will be major changes. ATM, the ex is still trying to live like we are still married.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/03/26 05:43 AM
2	Are they all the same? For the last few years, I have worked from home with flexible hours and have been equally involved in the kids lives - cooking, cleaning, doctors appointments, school sport, afterschool sport, parent teacher meetings, school drop offs, breakfast, lunches, dinners, cleaning, homework, etc. Prior to that, I did a couple years working on offshore oil rigs doing 3 weeks away and 3 weeks home, when home - as above. Prior to that, sure, I worked long hours 6 days a week so I could provide a comfortabl…	/r/Divorce_Men	23/03/26 05:13 AM
2	Where do I get some pointers to help me get back in the game? My 16 years ended about 7-8 months ago but permanent separation 4 months ago. I have little to no desire to date but... I love women and I love sex. The issue is, I was an extremely confident and sexual guy with plenty of experience picking up women far beyond my level but this relationship has left me a shell of the person I once was. My therapist also highly recommended I take things slow so the game plan has been to create a profile and pretty much just work on my chat game. TBH, I've been re…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/03/26 02:10 PM
1	This is a post from divorced women page… you can’t make this shit up. I will never marry again I don't want to make her out to be the bad person or the enemy. Shes not. I realise when some life stressors were introduced into the relationship/marriage, those stressors triggered her avoidance and other issues. I didn't understand what I know now and also didn't have the knowledge and tools I have now. Although ultimately im not sure if it would have made a different. Her internal wiring considers vulnerability and intimacy as dangerous/threat. So safety, distance, avoidance and control beca…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/03/26 04:01 AM
1	How long did you do therapy? Depends on the therapist and depends on style. Its like finding a good trades person. Most of them can do the job but some are going to do it better, faster, etc. I think it can take awhile to find the right fit. I know for me personally, I wanted someone a bit more practical - sometimes a session is a vent to help me unload and sort out my thoughts and other times its more practical or getting my thoughts guided and teaching skills - giving me clarity but also techniques. Its helped me. After s…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/03/26 01:32 AM
24	This is a post from divorced women page… you can’t make this shit up. I will never marry again Mixed feelings about this... On 1 hand, shes a broken person... Shes no doubt a fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant. She also probably chased the high of making the wedding bigger than the relationship/ marriage. It doesnt say how long they were together but to me reads like: 'He was a great guy, perfect on paper.. the closer he got, the more I lost interest but kept this to myself - he then proposed and I made made the wedding the perfect end game of being excited - my dopamine crashed afte…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/03/26 08:47 AM
2	Still in the process of letting her go over a year and a half after divorce OP... I didn't read the whole thing if im being honest but I was reading a book on divorce and it quoted some studies that for the vast majority of people, it takes 2-5 years to move on from their spouse.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/03/26 11:31 PM
3	Lack of accountability Yes.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/02/26 02:14 PM
3	Do you like or love your STBXW? Yes to both. Despite everything, I like and still love my Ex/STBXW. But that doesn't change the fact that the marriage didn't work or that she ceased to be the person I originally fell in love with.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/02/26 04:54 AM
8	Anyone’s standards for looks go up post divorce? I hope not... my Ex is an extremely good looking woman... I'll have a very small pool if my standards in looksngo above her lol... My standards have gone up but not in looks...	/r/Divorce_Men	21/02/26 01:29 PM
3	Fundamentals: Marriage counseling does not work Sounds like my avoidant ex wife. Eventually after weeks, months and even years of trying - eventually id match her energy and give up... she'd then accuse me of stonewalling... Fine for her 2 emotional, physically and sexually avoid and disconnect but stonewalling when I stopped giving 110% effort and energy.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/02/26 05:23 AM
7	Fundamentals: Marriage counseling does not work Hmm mixed opinions on this. I do agree with the overall tone... that yes, you cannot negotiate desire.. I also agree that marriage counselling seems to for the most part geared towards the female experience. Where I do disagree with is that a good marriage counsellor is going to help you communicate better and teach you interesting and practical tools that do help in addressing issues so its not a complete waste... We did marriage counselling for 2 years... yes, our marriage failed but you try f…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/02/26 05:19 AM
1	anyone divorced due to lack of intimacy Tell me about it... thats an average of 500-600 times per year for the first 3 years vs an average of under 15 times per year for the next 13 years. Now im not saying sex if everything, there was a complete withdrawal on emotional and physical intimacy as well but sex is obviously the easiest to quantify/measure the disconnect.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/02/26 01:44 AM
1	anyone divorced due to lack of intimacy You and me both! We went from 1 extreme to the other but for her, it was sudden, like a light switch. Making love and javing crazy sex marathons easily 800+ times in the first year. Second year did slow down a bit and probably 500+ times. 3rd year 400+ but near the end of the 3rd year.... probably less than 200 times combined in the next 13 years... from 1500-1800 times in 3 years to under 200 for 13 years. Brutal.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/02/26 12:54 PM
9	Did anyone else feel like they failed even if leaving was the right choice? Yes - I failed largely because it takes two to maintain a healthy relationship. She was under invested and I was over invested. I failed to see it for what it was.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/02/26 07:55 AM
7	How do I truly let go? I read a book recently that pretty much said that it usually takes about 2-5 years for most people to properly move on after divorce. But also that many aspects will most likely stay with you for life.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/02/26 12:46 AM
2	anyone divorced due to lack of intimacy Yea I had something similar. She said she has low desire because she doesnt feel connected... but for 13 of our 16+ years, she was the one distancing herself emotionally, physically and sexually. Of course we are disconnected ahah but I also fell into the trap of 'i'll just do more' and over invested in the marriage trying to keep the family together. So I feel ya mate, they stop being a partner then complain when you start to match their energy.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/02/26 12:41 AM
3	anyone divorced due to lack of intimacy Avoidant or fearful avoidant. Never again for me. They go from fun, loving, sexual, playful to distant when that lightswitch flips. Most jarring experience in my life going from feeling utterly in bliss, absolutely connected emotionally, physically and sexually to being discarded...	/r/Divorce_Men	19/02/26 12:17 AM
1	anyone divorced due to lack of intimacy Amen.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/02/26 12:13 AM
1	anyone divorced due to lack of intimacy I dunno, to be fair, neither of us were great communicators... And that was manageable when there was lots of physical and sexual intimacy. But when some life stessors were added, there was a complete withdrawal on all. Never marry an avoidant / fearful avoidant. Hard / impossible to build a loving and fulfilling relationship with someone who subconsciously views vulnerability and intimacy as unsafe. Its taken me a long time to realise that she'll never feel safe with anyone. Atleast not until s…	/r/Divorce_Men	19/02/26 12:12 AM
10	anyone divorced due to lack of intimacy Reason why I ended my marriage. But the real truth is, she ended it when she begun avoiding emotional, physical and sexual intimacy. She truly ended it when she did bare minimum to address the issues because she avoided doing 90% of the work required to fix our situation. From hypersexual for years to minimal and decreasing to deadbedroom the last 5 years. 2 years of couples counselling and only disconnected further. I should have tapped out 6+ years ago.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/02/26 09:12 PM
2	How far along are you and how are you doing? Not divorced - in Australia need to be separated for 12 months+ before divorce. Currently 5.5 months into separation, however 3 months of that was trial separation and 2.5 months is permanent separation. 23 years of history - 16+ years together. Struggling. Have my good days and bad days - still partially cohabitating a few days a week which ends in a week.. the moment we are in the house together at the same time, its just super emotionally heavy. I feel like im treading water and the waterline…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/02/26 03:01 AM
5	Need the real answer from actual men Im early 40s. 23 year history but 16 year relationship. Still not looking to date and when it time comes, ideally id like someone in the mid to lowish 30s. After suffering a deadbedroom in the last 4 years, there is a lot I want to avoid. Ultimately I would like to meet someone for a long term relationship again but priority atm is myself and my own sanity. Would I date someone my age? Yes, would I settle with someone my age? Maybe but unlikely.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/02/26 11:16 PM
2	Would you take her back? Exactly - we did 2 years of marriage counselling with 2 different counsellors/therapists. First one about 6 months, by the second session - the first therapists highly suggested individual therapy for my wife/ex. Second counsellor was much better and was with her for over a years and a half but by the 3rd session, said to my wife/ex that she would benefit greatly from individual therapy. Reminded her regularly throughout the process... In the 2 years, it wasn't until the very end that she finall…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/02/26 02:23 PM
3	Would you take her back? Im not sure 'conditions' would ever be right... Amicable, no cheating, get along well, have kids... but shes a fearful avoidant, heavily avoidant and ended up extremely disconnected and sexless. End of the day, the closer someone gets, the more she disconnects. Can't be with someone who subconsciously fears and considers any vulnerability, emotional, physical and sexual intimacy as unsafe.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/02/26 11:22 AM
1	Important to remember this Also needed this - thankyou	/r/Divorce_Men	08/02/26 11:06 AM
5	Emotional collapse Oh, theres no going back. Thanks for the words mate	/r/Divorce_Men	29/01/26 07:40 AM
3	Emotional collapse Couldn't agree more - hindsight is a btch	/r/Divorce_Men	29/01/26 06:45 AM
3	Emotional collapse Yep - complete withdrawal of physical, sexual and emotional intimacy. The physical and sexual withdrawal hurt the most because for the first few years, it was all the time.. but when everything gets avoided, you question everything about yourself.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/01/26 05:34 AM
2	Emotional collapse Cheers legend.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/01/26 05:00 AM
2	Emotional collapse Appreciate it, the good news is - I have a solid group of mates I've known for 25-30years. Ive definitely neglected catching up with most of them as much as I should have but I do have a good supportive network - a career going well and do have a few hobbies which have also been massively neglected these past 10 years. I logically know that this is the end, that I did everything I could and she wasn't able to even meet me part of the way. I know I will be fine in the long run but right now, I fe…	/r/Divorce_Men	29/01/26 05:00 AM
5	AI is scary good at explaining things while I am going through my divorce Ai is an amazing tool but it's going to give you what you input.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/01/26 01:15 PM
3	Mediate? OK chatgpt is great - but you also need to be super careful. Its directive is to essentially validate you first and foremost. So you need to prompt it to give zero validation and view/advise from a completely neutral standpoint etc - just cold hard facts but you also then need to feed it with as much information as possible so it doesn't become bias. Perfect example is my wife vs me both put forward proposals. My wife put in her fears, her perceived situation, asking entitlement(s), etc etc and …	/r/Divorce_Men	18/01/26 12:01 AM
1	Advice on marriage issues I agree with you on one thing... this is a worldview difference. Where I disagree is the idea that intimacy, emotional availability, and relational repair are optional add-ons that one partner can simply choose to generate. They’re not. They require mutual participation. If it was generated purely by one partner, my relationship wouldn't be what it is today. I didn’t choose a loveless coexistence. I stayed for years trying to prevent it. At some point, staying stopped modelling resilience and st…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/26 11:25 PM
1	Advice on marriage issues You’re right about one thing... I’m not leaving purely for my kids. I’m leaving because the marriage is no longer sustainable. Where I disagree is the idea that a chronically disconnected marriage is neutral for children. Kids don’t need to know about sex, but they absolutely absorb emotional closeness, affection, conflict patterns, repair, and withdrawal. That’s how attachment and relational norms are formed. Long-term emotional and physical disengagement teaches something - usually that adult …	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/26 02:42 PM
0	Advice on marriage issues That's complete and utter bullshit. Legit kids learn most based off their parents relationship.. this is pretty common knowledge... Kids learn based off the environment they grow up in. They learn what intimacy looks like based off their parents relationship. They learn how conflict is managed by their parents relationship. They learn how safe or unsafe emotional closeness feels. They learn expectations around commitment, repair and affection is from their parents relationship. They learn relati…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/26 02:36 PM
2	Advice on marriage issues Pfffft I disagree... I think what you said is a load of bullshit. My wife grew up in a cold unloving controlled and trauma filled family with almost zero affection. She always said she never wanted our kids to grow up in a household like that - well.for years she was emotionally, physically and sexually intimate. Then a light switch went off and she completed avoided emotional, physical and sexual intimacy for 13 years. For 13 years I stayed to put my kids and wife before me and where did that g…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/26 01:49 PM
5	Advice on marriage issues I absolutely love my wife despite all her issues. She loves me, we have two kids - 23 years or history and 16 years together. However, there was practically zero emotional, physical and sexual intimacy. We both wanted to make it work but she didnt have the capacity to do the work and after 2 years of trying - I no longer had the capacity to be the one doing all the work. I didn't sign up to live unfulfilled. I didnt want the kids growing up thinking that a loveless marriage completely void of in…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/26 04:30 AM
3	When to you know?? 2 years of marriage counselling only to have her doing minimal work because she found it all overwhelming. We just got more and more disconnected until I realised that some things cant be fixed unless both are equally invested in fixing it. Sad way to end 16 years, especially with no cheating/infidelity and all in all very stable but zero affection - no emotional, physical and sexual intimacy.. just 2 people coexisting and raising kids. But thats no a relationship - thats a business partnership.…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/01/26 02:55 AM
2	Feel destroyed I started individual therapy about 6-7 months ago and will continue. Very stoked I have a really solid group of lads which I have known for 30 years. Just wish I hadn't neglected those friendships as much as I did due to sinking all my time and effort into the marriage and kids.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/12/25 04:19 AM
1	Feel destroyed Already opened a new account and have transferred my wages - every amount going into the mortgage or shared expenses account is now listed, itemised and recorded! Have begun working on a separation agreement draft and contacted some mediators and mortgage brokers to get evaluations of the house.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/12/25 04:14 AM
2	Feel destroyed Thanks and yes - more than likely its to fill the void and to get easy validation. Plays right into her attachment style and insecurities plus gives her an easier way to control interactions but still fkn hurts. Probably and more than likely does have nothing to do with me but still one of my biggest wounds shes managed to run salt into. Appreciate the comment.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/12/25 04:11 AM
6	Midlife Crisis or Midlife Clarity? Anyone Else Initiate Divorce? My story exactly - 16 years. I love her, she's a good person and a fantastic mother but a terrible partner. Only reason the marriage lasted as long as it has is because I held it together.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/12/25 12:19 AM
11	Midlife Crisis or Midlife Clarity? Anyone Else Initiate Divorce? I'm where you are now except I made the call 2 weeks ago. I lost myself to a person who wasn't capable and didnt have the capacity to be a loving partner. Pretty much could have written what you wrote word for word except I got about another 15 book recommendations.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/12/25 12:17 AM
1	Feel destroyed Yea thats tough. 16 years is bad enough - cant even imagine 27...	/r/Divorce_Men	22/12/25 04:56 AM
3	Feel destroyed I appreciate it legend. She told me yesterday - I was pretty numb.. I am glad she did and technically she did nothing wrong.. Except exposing the daughter to it... She apologised and said it was stupid and a stupid thing to do. But she only decided to tell me because our daughter caught her and got very upset. I had a hot shower to try regulate, put some shoes on, turned my phone off and ended up walking for nearly 30km until late at night. 16 years of being an excellent provider, supportive hus…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/12/25 04:43 AM
4	Feel destroyed TBH, im 90% sure thats exactly what she did. Kids had friends over, I was out, she had a few drinks and went onto tinder. More than likely ahe did sign up seeing her options and to get some easy validation. She is a VERY extremely good looking woman - i know shes going to have near endless options and I know its going to hurt when it comes. Guess I just didnt expect to have to deal with this before we've even told the kids. For 13 years shes been avoiding emotional, physical and sexual intimacy …	/r/Divorce_Men	22/12/25 04:13 AM
3	Feel destroyed I don't think it was deliberate - the kids are her total life, hurting the daughter like that is probably one of her biggest regrets. I'm just collateral damage.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/12/25 03:56 AM
2	What do I do with 1000’s of pictures of my STBXW on my phone? Transfer them all to a usb / HD. Don't delete them but don't have them accessible.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/12/25 09:26 AM
1	Finally hitting me that this will be the last Christmas I’ll get to spend with my kids in our home. Anyone else experienced this? Same boat here - been doing an in-house cohabitation trial separation for the past 3.5 months and decided to make it permanent 4 days ago. Will be a few more months of cohabitation and will tell the kids after Xmas. Last family Xmas in this form anyway.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/12/25 09:24 AM
4	Why did therapy not work? Be honest, don’t give me the polite, mature answer. It's very common for couples therapist / counsellors / sex therapists to say 'let's take sex off the table'. They do it essentially for a few reasons but the main reasons are to essentially see what happens and also to remove any pressure around sex - even if there isn't actually any pressure - it can remove the perceived pressure. Apparently it also quite often triggers people with a bit of oppositional defiance to actually start having sex because 'how dare they tell us not to have sex'. But h…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/12/25 02:53 PM
3	Why did therapy not work? Be honest, don’t give me the polite, mature answer. I hear you on this one buddy. My wife is a fearful avoidnant but rates extremely high on avoidance. I don't regret our relationship/marriage and built a good life, home and family with 2 beautiful kids... But the relationship has had huge issues with her extreme avoidance for 13 years and really our marriage should have ended 7 years ago.. I regret not pulling the pin back then. So believe me, I understand what you said!!	/r/Divorce_Men	08/12/25 07:41 AM
5	Why did therapy not work? Be honest, don’t give me the polite, mature answer. Learned a lot about attachment theory. Lots on about communication, how to communicate and listen even if you don't agree. I've learned skills & knowledge that I can take with me on a personal journey, I can use in social or business settings and skills I can take with me into future relationships. Yea I've got plenty of examples.. Our first therapist made a lot of generalisations. My wife gets stressed and overwhelmed very easily and almost every session was on how my partner feels and what am …	/r/Divorce_Men	08/12/25 07:24 AM
10	Why did therapy not work? Be honest, don’t give me the polite, mature answer. My STBXW has trauma, fearful avoidant attachment and many of codependencies. Our first couples therapist was terrible, shockingly biased and overall a bad fit for us both. Our second marriage counsellor/therapist was/is a lot better and a lot more balanced and fair. Our therapist is a lot harder on me and a lot easier on my wife - but to be fair, this could be because she needs to tread more carefully with my wife to avoid shut-down and trauma and make it a 'safe space'. Ultimately it failed bec…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/12/25 05:58 AM
1	Happiness Hierarchy? Id say that's quite spot on. A thriving relationship with the correct person also allows a lot of space for parts of #2 to coexist. I would almost argue that a neglectful marriage IS borderline an abusive marriage - maybe not physically or sexually abusive but definitely emotionally abusive to some degree. but yes - prefer to be single than in an unfulfilled relationship. Even single and lonely, there are a lot of avenues to find happiness.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/12/25 12:16 AM
2	Dating in this time period is wild! I'll let you know once I buy one - It certainly won't be from lack of trying!	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/25 04:11 AM
8	Dating in this time period is wild! Get a vasectomy, buy an ultra realistic sex doll and call it a day.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/11/25 11:42 PM
8	What was your "it's really over" moment? When we had an argument over our dead bedroom and she said: ' I lay on my back for you for over 10 years when I didn't want 2 ' That was that. While she said it out of anger and wanted to hurt me - there was no coming back from that While already emotionally, physically and sexually disconnected.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/11/25 12:48 AM
2	Ashamed of my inability to get over what caused the divorce. I’ve become so cruel. I need to get this off my chest. I’m not a good person anymore. best revenge is moving on with life but yes - its hard not to get bitter after a betrayal like that. I know the ex holds a lot of regret, guilt and shame and her life definitely didn't work out as well as mine... At 4.5 years i got cheated on and semi destroyed me so I became an uncaring 'fk boy' but found my wife. We are now separated now but did 16 years together and for the most part - i dont regret the majority of it.. still.. Infidelity fks you up forever.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/11/25 08:38 AM
4	Has anyone ever fallen out of love but found their way back to prevent divorce? I am approaching 16 years. My wife completely changed the moment our 1st was born.. There are a lot of issues that arose for her which I won't go into but her entire identity shifted purely to being a mother and the best mother she could be - everything else including her friendships, hobbies, physical and mental health and our marriage were neglected. Kids are now 13 and 10 - my wife is completely codependent on them and we are so disconnected that we separated 2 months ago although currently d…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/10/25 02:33 AM
3	Have you ever trusted again? Or actually wanted to love again? I'm not there yet, couple months into an inhouse separation with the chance of reconciliation however id say that's a slim to non chance of reconciliation. I have been left broken and while I would love to have physical, sexual and emotional connection with a woman again... but I actually dont think I have it in me. Similar story - in my late teens and early 20s, I would have had about 40 sexual partners before I fell into a 4 year relationship. After that relationship I probably had around anot…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/10/25 09:19 AM
3	What does therapy look like? first off - can take awhile to actually find a good therapist or a therapist that is a good fit. I good therapist doesn't just sit their validating you... Part of it IS making you self aware of patterns but a good therapist will teach you skills to address, handle and change those patterns or issues. Same with a couples therapist / counsellor. Our first couples therapist actually left us in a worse place than when we started.. completely the wrong fit. Our second was 100x better and better suite…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/10/25 12:20 AM
3	“I love you, but I’m not in love with you” "I love you but im not in love with you" is just them just trying to give you a soft crash landing when trying to tell you that they are no longer attracted to you or desire you.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/10/25 08:08 AM
2	Don't even know how to caption this. yea I spend a lot less time these days. It's just a time suck and distraction ahah.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/10/25 08:01 AM
4	Don't even know how to caption this. I find them entertaining and often use them to offer counter advice just to try balance the craziness of the echo chambers they become. Usually results in a lot of downvotes tbh but atleast someone might see a balanced alternative answer or reason.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/10/25 07:11 AM
8	Don't even know how to caption this. Try AskFeminists... I get a lot of entertainment from it but wow... generally never seen so much toxicity in a single place. Marriage sub isn't much better! The double standards and horrible advice is utterly crazy.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/10/25 06:45 AM
12	"Women's Empowerment" movement has destroyed 10x the lives that [not allowed to say] movement. The first red flag is a women with a bad relationship with her father/parents. Second red flag is being staunch 'women's empowerment'	/r/Divorce_Men	20/08/25 11:35 PM
3	Divorce nightmare Australia I dunno... A very good mate of mine got completely fucked over. His ex was bipolar - never fkn liked her - but she was also quite intelligent fuck fkn manic. Super staunch feminist and activist - absolutely terrible with money - they both earned similar money but he paid all the bills, mortgage, etc. She pretty much spent her money on whatever she wanted and on the kids - especially when she was in manic phase. When she was off her meds and in the depressed stage, she would look at just leaving …	/r/Divorce_Men	31/07/25 06:57 AM
7	Why isn’t there a divorce hotline for men? chatgpt is a divorce hotline.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/06/25 09:59 AM
6	Red Pill helped explain the breakup...but it had nothing for what came next Issue isn't that RP & pickup / game mastery all works. The issue is, it works with insecure women which generally speaking make bad long term partners anyway. Insecure women & RP/pick up artistry are a great match for casual encounters and situationships but not so great for marriage and long term relationships. Long term relationships and narriage is where that whole ideology falls short and where things like attachment styles, past trauma, communication skills and all that sht becomes more imp…	/r/Divorce_Men	31/05/25 10:31 PM
8	What is wrong with some men women fk who they want, men fk who they can. man or woman, cheating is a scum move.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/01/25 11:09 AM
3	Wife filed for divorce and now wants me to consider a legal separation instead after 4 months of back and forth between lawyers never say never. people get blindsided by infidelity all the time.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/12/24 12:52 AM
3	Why Are So Many Men Withdrawing from Society? I semi disagree. I mentioned in one of my other comments that I am a libertarian, centrist and egalitarian. I decided to go down a bit of a rabbit hole and spend sometime in both feminist circles and red pill circles. I was originally going to write an article on it. Both extremes were utterly disgusting. However - while this is antidotal - I actually found the majority of the red pill community more moderate and less extreme than the feminist communities. There is no doubt that social media alg…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/11/24 07:59 AM
5	Why Are So Many Men Withdrawing from Society? Missed the mark completely and are doing more damage than good. Change will come but I don't think its going to be the change everyone is hoping for. I think the change will be a regression as groups get more and more radicalised by social media algorithms feeding targeted echo chambers designed to evoke emotions and therefore continue to enrage, entertain and feed each person's bias. We as a society are heading towards hard times. Will it be in my lifetime? I'm not sure but so far I have defini…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/11/24 07:40 AM
15	Why Are So Many Men Withdrawing from Society? I am a 39yo husband and father. I have two beautiful children (girl and boy) and have been with my wife for 15 years & known her for 21 years. My wife identifies as a strong feminist. I am on the order hand, a pretty traditionally masculine guy. I am more a centrist/libertarian and egalitarian. However, also believe that there are gendered differences both biologically and socially. Now, with that out of the way... Society has forgotten that gender is complimentary. There has been a gender war, …	/r/Divorce_Men	26/11/24 07:11 AM
4	No More Mr. Nice Guy I feel like I didn't get much from it tbh. I don't fit the bill of the description of a nice guy from the book. I can definitely see how it would be beneficial for many men. Just think there are better reads out there.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/10/24 11:40 AM
5	Rebuilding your wealth as fast as possible If this is a legit question.. 1 - live as frugal as possible 2 - invest every spare cent I have 3 - diversity those investments in stocks, crypto, silver and gold. 4 - start a side hustle / business that you can do in conjunction with your primary income. Id avoid property, its not a fast way to build wealth.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/10/24 02:38 AM
3	Any one have any good stories? 100% feel you on that 1.. fk we were banging like 5 times a day for years before kids. Wifes still banging, looks 10 years younger than what she is.. still constantly turns heads. I'd happily bang her a couple days a day still after these 15 years, she's happy with once or twice a week. Part of the reason I went back down the RP route. No matter what anyone says, most RP content is on the money. Doesn't mean you need to be an asshole but it helps ahah	/r/askMRP	13/07/24 12:36 PM
1	Any one have any good stories? I should add, my ex threw herself at me many times post me going no contact. even found my new address and rocked up drunk as a fuck on multiple occasions telling me 2 put it anywhere I wanted and 2 do anything I wanted. I'd open the door, look dead at her and the shut the door and go back to bed. She didn't stop till a fked a few of her friends and started going out with the dude she monkey branched 2 when she was with me. Guess things worked out pretty good for me but not so good for her.	/r/askMRP	13/07/24 11:22 AM
3	Any one have any good stories? kinda but not really. I'll let others decide if it's good or not! I was a popular kid at achool. My first every GF at the of 14 ended up dumping me for the most popular lad at another school. This was my first RP moment. From that moment on, I decided I was going to pump and dump as many women as I could. TBH, I did pretty well at it. The more I was a man whore, the easier it became due to reputation alone. I guess that was my second major RP moment. While I was never a prick and was always hone…	/r/askMRP	13/07/24 11:10 AM