Yesterday I turned 40.

Biggest non event with everything thats going on.

3 month cohabitation trial separation and 2 months into permanent separation.

Only rotating weekends atm but will transition into a nesting arrangement for the kids in the coming weeks.

23 years of history but together 16 years in this relationship/marriage.

13 years ago after kids, she started to pull away emotionally, physically and sexually.

As the years went on, no matter what i did, the disconnection only grew - last 5 years were hell but the last 3 was a complete move into room-mates, cohabitation co parents.

2 years of marriage and couples counselling with a therapist and sex therapist and we only ended up more disconnected.

The day before my 40th, I could feel a lot of emotions coming to the surface...

For the past 13 years, every Xmas and birthday - i would secretly wish for an intimate relationship with my wife.

Yesterday when I woke up - its like the container opened, begun overflowing and didn't stop.

I can count on 1 (maybe 2) hand how many times I've cried in my life.

Yesterday I cried for half the day and felt like a shell all day.

She bought me a card and wrote in it 'to the bestest friend I ever had' - I guess that broke me even more.

Not sure the point of this post... just feeling fkn emotionally destroyed and struggling.