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TeddyPSmith Archive

View 6 posts and 493 comments by TeddyPSmith on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

I’m kind of similar. Introverted and not big into crowds. People say I’m getting better but I don’t always feel like it. I don’t have any suggestions other than just keep plugging along. Good luck man
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 04:33 AM
2

Ask me how I know. It’s not worth it
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 01:04 PM
6

Just going to give you another spin on this. You may not be happy at this moment with her but trying to find happiness with someone else in a blended family is exponentially harder.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 12:08 PM
1

Man I don’t know. I saw her son show her texts of something she said and she still denied it. I almost wondered if she was losing her mind or something. She became incredibly arrogant. It’s the way she would so confidently change the story that I almost felt like she was just delusional. But in the back of my mind I wondered if this was some subconscious way she was trying to establish control over me. It’s interesting that she accused you of gaslighting her. Mine did the same thing to me. It’s …
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 03:14 PM
4

It’s time. It sucks bc there’s nothing you can do to “control it”. You can control lots of things in your life but not this. Grief will come and visit you in waves. When it comes, it washes over you and you feel helpless. Just when you think you’re going to down, it goes away and lets you breathe. Just when you think you’re past it, another waves sweeps you out to sea. Over time, you spend more of your life above water than getting pummeled in the surf. Then another random wave knocks you back d…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 03:11 PM
3

She hid it well for a couple years
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 01:05 AM
1

It’s ok to hurt when you hurt. Burying it leads to alcoholism, overwork, all kinds of other shit. I tried it for years
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 12:21 AM
9

Yep. She would say all sorts of things, like life changing things, and then later deny ever saying it. She denied everything so confidently that I questioned my sanity. I later changed to detesting her for being able to lie to me so arrogantly and easily
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 12:01 AM
7

My first wife did this. Had an affair with a coworker. They’re now married. She is a totally different person with him from what it appears. No longer frugal. No longer likes the nice guy. She also can’t drive over any bridges these days. She never had that problem when we were together
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 07:34 PM
8

I wouldn’t say that you shouldn’t care. You should care bc you’re a normal human being. What kind of sociopath would be totally unfazed by this?
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/26 06:36 PM
2

How do you know that you won’t be feeling the same way about your current wife after you leave her? Humans are horrible predictors of future emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 10:55 PM
6

I’m twice divorced at 50. I know what you mean about wanting a partner to spend your life with. The idea of dying alone is sad. But i just cant imagine ever getting married again. It’s hard to imagine even being in a relationship. It’s like i already know how it will end. I think I’ve convinced myself that my “punishment” for this is to get relationship sober for a good while. I want to know that I’ll be ok on my own. Cultivate a life that doesn’t include romance. It may be a stupid theory but I…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 05:55 PM
2

The way you wrote that, it was palpable. I could relate to almost every feeling you had. Something happened with my ex and I never confronted it. Her coworker told me “she’s a freak. You should leave her”. I didn’t have proof but there were enough strange things that it felt like I just knew. Everything you describe is exactly how I felt and how the relationship deteriorated. And you’re right. The healing starts when the relationship ends.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/26 12:40 PM
2

Same bud. It’s crazy how little I need to be at peace…without her around. I don’t have to worry about the washing machine being dirty or if I didn’t put the olive oil in the right organizer. I’m content to sit outside and listen to the birds or watch the rain.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 12:31 AM
2

I immediately envisioned that you were John Griffin Life 2.0 when you said you went for long nature walks. Not sure if you ever watch him on YouTube. It’s strange and comforting how your perception of the relationship changes as time goes on. It’s like you’re given some kind of gift of clarity that you didn’t have when you were together.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 08:59 PM
1

Spot on
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 03:01 PM
1

Yeah I agree with that…except for when it just leads to repeated mistakes. I was in the military and very much believe in “suck it up and drive on”. But that attitude caused me to make the same mistakes over and over again, all while being in very good shape. I think sometimes you have to lick your wounds and try to find deeper meaning. Not trying to discredit what you’re saying bc what you said is 100% true. I just think there’s a spiritual side to all of this that gets overlooked for some of t…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 01:45 PM
3

“Healing is like being awake during surgery”. I always liked that one
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 01:56 AM
7

I totally understand what you’re saying. A lot of the advice about working out and bettering myself just doesn’t land for me. It’s been 10 months and all I’ve been able to cobble together was going to therapy and briefly working out. Bc like you said, what’s the point? Where I’m at now is that I’m learning to be ok alone. It was terrifying for a while. I was drinking a 6 pack after work and pretty much all weekend. But as time creeps on, I’m learning that I will be ok alone. That in itself is al…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 01:14 AM
2

Yep and the response by men is to seek out red pill stuff
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 05:57 PM
19

Social media has destroyed them. Empowered to leave their families. They are proud of leaving the good men. They have infinite support. All bc of something theyre told happened in the 1950s.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 12:25 AM
2

Why did we do it a second time 😩? And choose so poorly?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 10:32 AM
5

Second divorce for me as well. Also financial infidelity. She went from paying her full house note and all the bills to basically living for free and was still financially negative, despite making good money. It’s amazing how financially illiterate some people are, mainly women. She said her plan was that her kids would take care of her when she got old.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 03:48 AM
27

Hold up just a second. Don’t go blaming yourself for the failure of this marriage when she is ready to start dating immediately. That’s a woman that was checked out long ago and is happy to let you carry the burden of it all.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 04:35 PM
1

Those cats had nothing to do with it. I wouldn’t do anything else to make it worse. If you care about her as much as you say, maybe consider waiting the three years? Blending families sucks. All of your problems get exponentially worse.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 12:36 AM
3

Thank you for saying this
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 02:30 PM
5

Drastic times call for drastic measures. You get summers off, right? Can you go to a cheap country for a long vacation? Can you just get in the car and drive across the country? Maybe you need to do something to really shake your life up. See that there is something else out there besides your current existence.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 04:49 AM
3

Thanks man. I appreciate that
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 08:39 PM
2

Man it was just too much. Her son was smoking pot all the time. Had to go to a psych ward for cutting himself. Her daughter was cutting herself. She had a pregnancy scare at 14. She’s 15 now and dating an 18 year old from what I hear. Her other daughter (from a different dad) was bullying my daughter. I feel like i should’ve gotten some credit for putting up with all that. She told me after she left that she needed to heal. She healed by constantly posting on facebook, traveling all over, glowin…
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 06:55 PM
2

I bet if they do work it’s only bc people are suffering through it and just absorbing the dysfunction. I used to read horror stories on the blended family sub. Granted the ones that work aren’t posting on that sub but there were a lot of unhappy people on there
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 04:22 AM
10

I feel like you described my situation better than I did! I assumed bc she was such a good mother to her own kids that she would be that way towards mine (nope. Treated my daughter like Cinderella). I assumed that bc she was so into everything I liked in the beginning that that’s who she really was as a person (not even close). I assumed that all the time she gave me when she didn’t have her kids would provide a blissful reprieve from the stress of life. For one day every other week we would hav…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 03:47 PM
17

It wasn’t great dating single mothers. It’s almost not natural. I know it can work out in some cases but my experiences say it’s not good. I’m not hating on single mothers at all. They are just doing what comes naturally to them. You’ll come last, just as you do in the original family. But you’ll be even further last bc they aren’t your kids. The moms will lead with sex and behave perfectly in the beginning. Once they know you’re committed, you become the least respected person in the house. I r…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 02:50 PM
2

You’re really going to regret this
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 01:30 AM
1

I just realized the irony of this. I’m acting like she was something that just happened to me. I was responsible for getting into this. I saw the writing on the wall and ignored it. However when she left she said “I just got myself into three bad situations”
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 05:18 PM
5

“I’m literally just a girl teehee”
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 04:42 PM
1

Very relatable. A dog helps but maybe get one that’s past the puppy stage. It’s like raising a fully physically matured toddler. I’ve got one friend that’s perpetually single. He’s actually the most posted person on our local “are we dating the same guy” page 🤣. Got another friend that’s going through a divorce as well. They are good for a full day of hanging out every other week but they don’t fill the night time void. I think some of this will come in time as you figure out what this new life …
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 03:54 PM
6

She was a walking red flag, cheated on her first husband and hooked up with a guy that just got out of prison. How could I overlook that? It’s in the way she presented her story. She has this persona of “it happened to me” rather than her being responsible for any of it. She also led with sex and did everything right….until she knew I was fully committed. Then her true self came out.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 03:34 PM
1

It really does feel like that
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 03:29 PM
4

Can you imagine if you told her “I romance you all the time. I buy you flowers and take you on dates very often”? Maybe in some strange space-time continuum would that make sense
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 12:05 AM
0

Hormone replacement therapy? I hear good things. I’m sure my ex will get on that now that she’s left
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 08:50 PM
5

No I didn’t. She denied so many things that I just gave up. Earlier on I was writing things down in my phone. I came back to them when she left and it helped me realize I wasn’t crazy. But damn that gaslighting shit makes you feel as bad as a dead bedroom
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 08:43 PM
3

Yeah there’s a temptation to wonder but she had gotten so disgustingly fat and let a giant cyst grow on her rear that I’m not sure anyone would want to cheat with her. Sorry for being graphic. Those things hurt me too. She removed the cyst before she moved out and started going to the gym all the time. She’s getting her body ready for the next guy. That’s the part that hurts so much. I wasn’t worth it despite her pushing so hard for me to marry her. I’m with you about staying together for the ki…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 07:36 PM
4

Dead bedrooms do a lot of damage to a guy. We were around once a year. I’d bring it up and she’d deny it, as if I wasn’t acutely aware of how infrequent it was. It really can make you feel terrible about yourself. The icing on the cake was her blaming me for it all after she walked out the door. If I still had the chance that you seem to have, you could probably try all the tricks in the book. Wine and dine her, flowers, etc. Just so you can know that you gave it your all. I am certainly not thr…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 07:07 PM
1

Great advice about not putting pressure on yourself to find another wife. I made that mistake
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 03:31 PM
3

They can be so fricking cruel. Amazing how they can make you feel safe enough to open up to them in every way. That same person will use that vulnerability like a dagger as they twist it inside of your gut
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 03:29 PM
6

If it makes you feel any better, I think you’ll find that many of the men that post here feel the same way. I know it doesn’t feel like it but you’re so young. You have so much time ahead of you to heal from this. It may not feel like it now but I can barely even remember being 24 (I’m 50). You’ll love again. The best advice I can give you is to not rush into anything for a while. Take time to metabolize all of this. It may take so much time that you get past looking at her faults and start to l…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 03:01 PM
1

I am in the same house the my first wife and I moved into. She had an affair, I tried to rebuild. Dated someone for 6 years, got married, she and her kids moved into, and it lasted a year. This house is starting to feel like the House of Pain. I just don’t have the energy to sell it
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 02:43 PM
1

Have you ever considered psilocybin assisted therapy? I know that’s an off the wall approach. I think I’m going to do it in a couple months
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 04:12 PM
3

Thanks for the update! I’ve been following your posts as well as others that are on similar timelines. I’m slowly starting to feel the same way. I still slide into depression but I’m gradually realizing that mine was indeed a tumor as yours was. People tell me I sound much better and seem happier. I guess that’s what happens when you drop dead weight. Glad to hear you’re doing well!
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 03:28 PM
1

I was lucky enough to come out of both of mine with minimal financial damage. My first were equal in almost every financial way and wanted joint custody. We just used a mediator to formalize it. The most recent only lasted 16 months and she wanted nothing from me. It just cost me the ring, wedding, and refurnishing my house. I don’t know that she could’ve really gotten anything from me for such a short marriage. She’s kind of dumb, though. She left her first husband and never asked for any of th…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 09:06 PM
2

Yep same here. Always a romantic. I had a fairy tale vision of myself and my best friend for life. I didn’t realize that the best friends were genetically predisposed to constantly shit test you to prove your worth and vitality. That wasn’t advertised
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 07:42 PM
1

That’s a shame. I think it bothers me so much because it’s so against how I was raised. My parents were together until my dad died. It’s more of a me thing. But the fact that nobody else gives a shit is also troubling. They don’t see the value in staying married and they certainly don’t seem to take getting married that seriously. When my first wife and I met with the priest before the wedding, he asked if I had any concerns. I told him that I was looking for a slowly developing relationship wit…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 05:44 PM
1

Believe it or not, I’m kind of past looking for reasons. I was just curious bc it seems to be a theme among women in their mid 40s. One of my friends is going through the same thing. I think I’ve reached a point where I have no interest in dating for a very long time, if ever. The veil has been lifted and I’ve come to understand women’s nature more than I ever did before. It’s hard for me to see them the same way
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 01:51 PM
1

Do you think perimenopause had anything to do with it? You’re right. It’s devastating. And there aren’t any quick fixes. Just have to go through it
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 01:26 PM
1

It really is great therapy. It makes me feel less alone and normalizes the situation just a little. Also good camaraderie. Is the second divorce fresh for you? How are you dealing with it?
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 07:52 PM
1

lol I don’t plan on it. I felt so much shame after my first one that I really didn’t want to get married again. She insisted on it. Dated for 6 years and married for 1. It pretty much went like I suspected it would.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/26 11:06 AM
14

For being the “fairer sex”, they have a unique ability to leave you at your lowest and wipe their feet on you as they walk out the door. It’s almost textbook.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 10:04 AM
2

Happy Father’s Day to you!
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 10:28 PM
2

Mine sent me a low budget YouTube video about how narcissists use sleep to control you. This is the same girl that would barge in the room after I’d been asleep, cut on the lights, and start talking to me
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 05:01 PM
13

I don’t want to see or hear from mine ever again
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 01:20 AM
14

Be careful criticizing them for this. You’ll end up on the avoidant narcissist list
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 08:55 PM
8

When you force them to become accountable for their own finances, it’s akin to throwing holy water on a demon or salt on a slug. They will wretch in ways you didn’t think possible. They will show their true colors
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 03:02 PM
3

The only way she would come back is if she saw a version of you that was so much better than the version she knew that it made her feel like she made a mistake. She won’t come back bc of memories, honor, or duty. It’s sad to say. They are running purely on emotion.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 01:31 PM
25

How can she sleep with another man and continue to play house with you? You don’t have to remain her friend. Friends don’t treat each other like that
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 02:05 AM
13

I remarried. We were together for 7 years and married for 16 months. It collapsed in a spectacular fashion. Blending families is so damn hard. But knowing what I’ve seen her kids do since she left has affirmed my opinion to let her walk. Sorry I had to vent. I can hardly imagine finding anyone after this. The more I learn, the less faith I have in good women existing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 02:38 AM
6

I lost a bunch of weight. Never get a full night sleep. I was doing a little better, in the gym, laid off the beer, but then I ran into her a couple times and it set me back. I’m honestly thinking about doing one of these guided mushroom trips. I did them when I was younger but it was for fun. Maybe that can snap me out of this depression
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 04:42 PM
3

That’s what happened to me the first time. I was reading all the books I could to save it. Nothing I did helped but it was always wrong. Turns out she had been seeing someone from work and bringing our 2 yo daughter around him.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 02:38 PM
2

I regret wasting my “do over” on her
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 06:07 AM
1

You’re probably right
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 09:14 PM
6

I’m not saying she cheated. She became obese at the end. I don’t know that she felt good enough about herself to do it. She did cheat on her first husband, though. But her character came out. Entitlement, bossiness, controlling, and unable to sustain a deep emotional bond.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 03:22 PM
8

I wouldn’t. They simultaneously want to be “I don’t need no man” boss bitches but also not work. I remarried and she immediately started talking about being a SAHM or taking a much lower paying job. She came with 4 kids and no savings.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 02:43 PM
10

I’ll just say that she worked from home and travelled often. Before she met me, she was sleeping with random guys while she travelled. Sometimes with work related contractors. The flags were there
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 12:59 PM
2

I am a soon to be ex stepdad. Blended families bc that’s what she had to have. I would never recommend that to any man. It’s absolutely thankless.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 05:25 PM
11

“Church is the final hoe stage”
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 05:22 PM
3

This should be stickied. Well put!
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 05:41 PM
11

Cats like to toy with the mouse a little after they killed it
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 02:58 PM
2

Finally caught a keeper. Lots of throwbacks all weekend. At least I can say I caught one. I did notice how easy it was to talk to the rather unfortunate looking women down here in this southern US coastal community. At least I could probably talk myself into some trashy sex. Not what I want or need but it’s nice to know I’ve still got a little gas in the tank
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 02:44 PM
1

This was really helpful. Thank you for sharing this with us
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 03:55 AM
2

I spent my 50th birthday with my mom, sisters, and daughter. I’m glad I have them but I definitely missed not having my ex there. It hurts
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 01:32 AM
14

Mine gained so much weight that she probably weighed the same as me. And I’m at least 8 inches taller than her. And I was still attracted to her. But she wasn’t attracted to me. How ya like them apples
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 10:56 PM
1

Haven’t even left the hotel 😆 we fished last night and are about to go again. We needed some downtime to lament
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 07:32 PM
2

Reading through my old posts as I sit here with a friend on a fishing trip. He’s also 50 and his wife moved out in February. She seems to be acting as if nothing happened. He sits at home, alone, staring at the wall and drinking too much. It’s like there’s an epidemic going around.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 07:22 PM
2

Really good idea!
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 11:58 AM
4

I think I’ve got a bit of this myself. I can act fun and positive but it’s an act. Lately I’ve been feeling like curling up and licking my wounds. Have you found that you see the relationship differently as time goes on? Maybe clearer and able to see both sides of the story? I was unable to see anything but pain and my version of the marriage for a while. But as time goes on it’s like my heart is letting its guard down and opening up to seeing the full picture. I think that adds to my sadness. M…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 11:40 AM
6

I have a new goal to get banned from that sub
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 01:52 AM
5

Not always true. My STBX was an older woman, single mom. The teenage drama came out once she knew I was fully committed. I think they give the appearance of being mature when they’re single bc that’s the only way they can get a man.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 02:08 PM
11

Bc they are very easy
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:34 AM
2

No lies here. Thought I was over her too and it came back with a vengeance. Grief is like a separate entity from me. It comes and goes when it wants to and it doesn’t need my permission. I am just an unwilling participant
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 08:36 AM
5

My experience has been that you’re dead last to a single mom once she knows you’re committed. But she will do anything to get you committed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 07:27 AM
3

I don’t think it’s abnormal at all. There are a lot of emotions that come with divorce. Maybe don’t rush it and give yourself some time to start feeling better
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 01:37 PM
1

I’ve dealt with the same thing. They know we won’t actually do anything about it. I’ve always tried to be fair and equal, never crossing any boundaries with the custody schedule. Mine nickels and dimes me over everything when it benefits her but then tells me “if you want to be the one to tell her she can’t go skiing, you can deliver that news”.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 09:08 PM
1

I feel you man. Thought i was getting better and it came back with a vengeance. I’m trying to learn the art of suffering gracefully
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 01:49 PM
2

The more I learn about my STBX and the more time that goes by, I think she was like this too.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 08:17 AM
1

Thanks man. I’ll give myself a break. Yep it built a ton of resentment in me. That ultimately came to a head and I started acting in ways that probably drove her away. I was essentially “lying” to her in order to keep her. This has been really helpful. Thank you for the conversation. I hope we will make it through to the other side sooner rather than later
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 02:43 PM
1

That’s a good mindset. I also did the same. Contorted myself into all sorts of shapes to please her. I abandoned myself in the process and now I’m paying the price. I wish I could say that I want her to be happy but I’m not there yet. Im a bit shocked that I’ve felt so down the last few days. I was doing so much better but it feels like I’m back at square one. I think it has to do with seeing her last week and her messaging me yesterday. Hope it passes soon
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 02:07 PM
2

That’s good advice. I have improved with it if I’m honest. It used to be uncontrollable. But now I can be distracted for long periods. Get me alone and it’s a different story
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 01:26 PM
1

Yeah, it’s hard to have the same opinion of them after this. I feel like I understand their true nature, if that is even possible. I don’t like what I see. In my experience they find a man they like, initially be the woman he needs them to be, slowly extract his masculinity and vitality until he’s no longer that man, and then discard him. It’s like an animalistic strategy to reproduce that ends cruelly for the male. Same with my daughter. I’ll just try to be happy that I have her. I’ll build a n…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 01:25 PM
2

Went fishing yesterday and caught some fat speckled trout
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 01:59 AM
2

Thank you. I totally agree with the female friends. I have two very attractive coworkers that are in my office all day just to talk. They have no idea how much just being around a pretty girl got me through the worst of times. One of them is so hot but she’s like half my age 🤣. Wouldn’t stop me lol
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 07:36 PM
1

Thanks man. That’s helpful
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 07:22 PM
2

Good to hear from you! I’m glad you’re out doing you. Maybe I’ll give that a shot
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 07:12 PM
1

That’s an interesting concept. It’s almost like Uncle Rico still thinking he could be a quarterback (Napoleon Dynamite reference) or how a veteran with PTSD keeps reliving traumatic battles. I mostly just seek for reasons to not love her anymore and replay that memory to myself. Maybe I’ll tell her off over and over again. I’ll remind myself that she did this or that and doesn’t deserve the pain I felt. I am prone to this. I ruminate about problems at work until they are solved. Not the first ti…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 06:28 PM
2

It will get easier in time. Hopefully faster than me!
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 04:35 PM
3

Thanks bro. Needed to hear that
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 04:34 PM
3

social media + female hive mind
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 09:43 PM
6

This isn’t going to make you feel better but what you’re going through is the natural process of grief. Give yourself the grace to feel it. Crying is what you’re supposed to do. If you weren’t crying there might be something wrong with you. As my neighbor told me, “only a psychopath wouldn’t be crying”. One thing that helped me a little was the audiobook “The Journey from Abandonment to Healing”. Also DivorceCare and weekly therapy with a trauma informed therapist. All of the gym and health stuf…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 02:53 PM
14

I’m surprised this is getting so much hate. It pretty much sums up every post on the sub
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 11:42 AM
2

I agree with women friends. I have two female coworkers that spend a lot of time in my office. I love them! They remind me of the good things about women and I don’t have to see the bad things that you see when you’re married to them. They’re also incredibly attractive so it just makes me feel good to be around them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 11:31 AM
10

My STBX was very masculine. She hid it well until she knew she had me. When the mask came off I started to hear “I don’t need no man”, emasculating comments, sassy fat boss bitch energy. The only problem was she did need man to offset her horrible financial habits. She needed a man to be the father to her kids that she brought into this relationship. Thank God I’m 50 and don’t have the same needs that I did in my 20s-40s. I can be an old perv and hook up with anyone that will have me and I have …
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 11:29 AM
15

Men need to stick together on this
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 12:50 AM
2

Divorce is so much more damaging than people realize. My ex wife remarried and had 2 more kids. I don’t know the insides of their marriage and how happy she is. She’s excellent at maintaining appearances. But I do feel that she favors her 2 “new kids” in a way. I feel bad that my daughter has to be a half-sister. “Incoherent psychologically” is the perfect description.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 08:01 PM
0

John Griffin is really good
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 03:28 PM
7

My first wife left when my daughter was 2. I dated again and eventually remarried but it never felt “right”. It felt like a betrayal to the original family unit. Not that I wanted my ex wife back or anything. It just felt like a Frankenstein version of a family. Second marriage failed as well. Now that my daughter is older I don’t have a need to recreate a family so there is a lot less pressure. I don’t really have any advice. Just writing to say I can relate
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 01:59 PM
3

It’s on TikTok. It’s also popping up on r/Divorce. I’m sure the Divorce Women sub is full of it but I don’t go there
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 01:50 PM
11

I’m quoting another guys response from a while back we all live and learn but as one simp wakes up 4 more take his place😂 this won’t change in our lifetime unfortunately
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 10:28 AM
23

There’s a new trend going around social media where they leave the good guy and tell you about how hard it is for them. Rather than feel guilt about building a relationship with the good guy that they all say they want and then abandoning it, they’re now trying to empower each other to do it. The replies are nothing but encouragement for others to do the same thing. And guess what….theyve positioned themselves as the victim in this story. It’s hard to view them the same anymore
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 09:33 AM
2

she changed into a different person when she hit her mid-40's. I don't get it. She needled me endlessly to get married. To be honest I didn't want to, I had doubts about her commitment I was happy in a LTR with her. But she really wanted to marry, so i did it because I loved her. Mid 40s were exactly the same. I don’t know if she changed or just completely stopped policing her internal compass and thoughts. Same about not wanting to marry due to concerns about commitment. Also married her bc she…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:03 PM
3

You’ve perfectly written how I feel at 8 months. Different but similar relationship dynamics. Exactly the same emotional outcome. It’s hard to not become a bit redpilled after reading the same story over and over here. I feel like I’m finally seeing women’s true nature at 50. And I don’t like it. They are only loyal to their emotions and it’s not lying if they believe themselves. What hurts the most and feels like betrayal is that I (maybe a lot of us?) abandoned ourselves, ignored all the red f…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 07:24 AM
19

Women should be publicly shamed for leaving good men. That’s how it used to be. On the flip side, men should get the same treatment for cheating on their wives.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 07:12 AM
1

It was a sad day when I fully understood that this is 100% gospel truth with most women. That’s why they have no problem leaving a decent husband…they never really liked him in the first place
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 06:34 PM
8

Dude…I would recommend not succumbing to her pressure. I am in this sub bc I dated after my first marriage, she pushed to blend families, I resisted for years, and the eventually married her. Blending families is hard as hell. The marriage lasted 16 months. I think many men are looking for a life partner. I think a lot of women are on a timeline. It doesn’t necessarily matter who the guy is. That is not a real reason to get married. I’m sorry to be the Debbie downer. I’ve just learned so much ab…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 03:30 PM
8

They really do say the dumbest shit. It’s easier when you accept that they just aren’t that intelligent
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 08:16 AM
2

To my first ex that I have a child with, yes. It’s been 11 years and we coparent well
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 07:55 PM
2

I wish this was more common knowledge to men. I also had to learn the hard way that grief needs to be felt, not analyzed or compartmentalized. If you don’t process it, you end up going through more failed relationships and a second divorce, or third or fourth. Feeling the grief means you have to pause your life and that’s hard for men to do. It feels like accepting defeat. But what you’re doing is giving yourself time to metabolize all of that pain. Learning that you are fully capable of being s…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 02:58 PM
2

Solid advice here. I would also look up DivorceCare in your area and sign up. It’s pretty much free and they meet once a week. Find a trauma informed therapist if you can. It will go against the grain here but i specifically chose a woman when I normally wouldn’t have. I needed someone to represent a safe and good woman in my life. It’s helped tremendously. Just take this minute by minute. Just getting out of bed is a win
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 02:42 PM
1

This is part of their guilt mechanism and has nothing to do with you. I’ve read about it happening A LOT on here
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 02:39 PM
3

I tried it one more time and that’s why I’m in this sub. I’ll date again but will never fully invest
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 11:52 PM
2

There was a time (in my life) that a woman leaving a good man would be ostracized. Now they are celebrated. As long as you weren’t committing the major sins, helping out, and providing, you were good. Those are the bare minimum now. In fact it seems like they’d prefer a scumbag. I’m not even sure they really pair bond anymore
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 08:32 PM
2

Mine wanted to be friends. The time to be my friend was the prior 7 years when I was practically begging for it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:07 PM
2

Exactly the same here. Just the other day I thought to myself “I’m happier than I’ve been in years!” But then I get triggered again. Light years better than a couple months ago, though. Gonna be a journey but now we have some new knowledge
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:05 PM
2

I don’t have any advice other than to tell you I’m mentally in the same place. Not crying and in constant agony and much better in some ways. But it still loops in my mind continuously. I think these are the effects of being discarded by someone that does…not…care about us the way we care about them. I hate to say it but I think it just requires more time and distance. Our bodies and brains know how to heal themselves. This morning I thought that rather than ruminating, I could try asking myself…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 02:44 PM
1

Damn man. Are we at the point where we need to where body cameras like the police?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 11:39 AM
2

I became obsessed with the idea of moving out of state when I retire. I was convinced that my unhappiness was bc of where I live. Granted, I live in the anus of the US, but I don’t find it so bad now
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 09:55 AM
2

After a few months of separation I asked mine to meet up (so I could plead with her to make it work). She refused to come to the house and insisted I meet her at a coffee shop. When we met I joked “you probably think I was going to do something bad”. She admitted that she thought I would. I am a really easy going guy. That’s probably why she left TBH. But it really hurt that she’d even entertain that. I think they come up with this shit to make themselves feel better about their terrible life ch…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 11:04 PM
3

I was ready to start tapering off of therapy on my way to see her today. Out of the blue she hit me with some childhood shit that made me glad I went. This therapist is different from those I’ve seen in the past. She’s hardly interested in the current state of affairs. She wants to get to the reason I abandoned myself in this relationship so it doesn’t happen again. I can appreciate that. I’m willing to see where this goes.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 11:01 PM
10

Mine used to buy this cheap single-ply toilet paper bc she believed the good stuff clogged the toilets. She refused to believe that you can’t flush tampons, though Also, when she was eating something she liked she would look at me with this serious face and repeatedly “air poke” the food with her fork. She must’ve learned that dramatic move from TikTok
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 02:36 PM
3

Can we sticky this comment? This is the truth
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 11:48 AM
8

You came to the right place. Most, if not all of us, have been or are going through it. It gets better but you often can’t even tell it’s happening bc it can be so slow. The general trend is a gentle, upward slope and very flat in the beginning. Loads of pain that can last for months. The hours and days can oscillate between severe agony and feeling sort of normal. But the bad days slowly get fewer. I’d encourage you to feel your feelings and cry when you need to. Rage when you need to. I view i…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 05:45 PM
2

Amen. Thanks brother
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 11:11 PM
2

Thanks for sharing this. It’s great advice
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:58 PM
2

Feel the same. My first wife had an affair when my daughter was 2. I spent the next 3 years trying to recreate a family so my daughter would feel “normal”. So I would feel “normal”. Met my current STBX and thought I hit the jackpot (ignored tons of red flags bc of my desperation). My daughter and I blended with she and her 4 kids for 7 years. My first marriage taught me to be a pussy and avoid conflict. That compressed me into the world’s biggest simp with my second wife. She’s been gone 8 month…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:41 PM
3

Same. I’m afraid this is going to take years
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 01:44 PM
2

Man this is actually great advice. I wish I would’ve thought of this sooner. I’m gonna add those to my list of books to read. And yep, got a 13 yo daughter that is starting to get sassy
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 01:27 AM
3

Yep. We become weak in their eyes and they’ll leave bc of that
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 11:04 PM
1

Yeah I’m coping and hoping that’s not what just happened to me
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 09:55 PM
2

I did the same
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 08:10 PM
6

Do the women know of all the harbored resentment that men carry? Probably not. They don’t want to know and the men know this
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 08:10 PM
2

I think we are the same person
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 07:54 PM
5

I wonder how common this is? Like I was really scared of her. Not physically but confrontation. The fact that she didn’t respect me enough to hear me out or act like an adult made me not want to face that. I guess I’ll go back to my old way of confronting and not being afraid to lose them if I ever date again
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 06:26 PM
7

I failed to push things to a resolution when it became uncomfortable for me to do so. I didn’t confront her on things that were important to me bc I became a bit scared of her reaction or felt like she didn’t respect me enough to hear me out. I became passive aggressive rather than handle things in a masculine manner. After my first marriage failed, I thought that conflict was a bad thing. I became a pussy
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 06:14 PM
2

I think there are different levels of “gold digging”. There are some that purely go after men for their monetary resources are willing to be the 22 year old married to the 78 year old. Then there is the more typical woman that wouldn’t date a man that couldn’t provide. I wouldn’t call that a dark personality trait. It’s more a genetic or whatever that word is trait
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 03:39 PM
3

The weirdest thing, and cruelest, is their ability to disrespect you, hide their phone from you, completely break you, and then blame you for their loss of attraction. They are really good at this and have no remorse
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 09:14 AM
1

Same. This sub brings out the misogyny in me, though. I’m not saying I buy into all of it but it’s hard to ignore all the common stories. I think maybe just observing women for the very far future is what I’m going to do.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 03:55 PM
2

I used to think she was unintentionally transforming into Shrek bc she wasn’t really attracted to me. Women know how to be attractive when they want to attract someone.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 11:41 AM
4

Mine turned into Danny DeVito while we were together. She’s since spent her life in the gym and had some cosmetic things done. Feels great knowing she was capable but not willing to do it for me
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 11:16 AM
2

Same brother. Is this what it feels like to lose your legs in a war and then have to eek out a life after? The cost of love is really steep. How many of these losses is a person meant to take in life?
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 10:51 AM
1

Same here. So many things I learned in the past just seemed to be a waste, used against me, or taken as weakness. It almost seems like sheer dominance is the only real way. But then I would be “abusive”. Seems like a no win game
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 11:31 PM
2

You know what’s sad? Just admitting that they said the wrong thing would’ve gone SO far. That’s how little I needed
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 10:27 PM
2

Mine did the same thing. Would completely change a story with such confidence that it made me feel insane. You could show her actual visual proof (screenshot) and she would still deny it, even to her own kids. Her ability to lie to herself was also impressive. It was so incredibly invalidating. Once I saw the pattern, I stopped feeling crazy and started feeling angry. Neither one of those are good feelings though
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 09:24 PM
2

Pretty similar here. I was completely alone and miserable. I tried to communicate with her for years. The weight of everything was crushing me.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 11:38 AM
2

Im skeptical of that as well. How come my grieving looks like massive weight loss, cant sleep, uncontrollable sobbing but they went through that too and kept it completely hidden? Bullshit. They may shed a few tears but the truth is that they lost feelings and didnt feel bad about staying with you until the boat got close enough to shore for them to jump out. They aren’t stoic heroes. They don’t have the kind of emotional control required to really grieve in secrecy
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 09:53 AM
9

You aren’t crazy. You’re reacting to a crazy situation. It’s such a common theme on this sub. Invalidating is exactly what it is. It’s humiliating and cuts directly to the core.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 09:41 AM
1

I’m struggling with this too. And it’s not the first time. Must be something in the way our brains are wired. If I find anything that works, I’ll let you know. I carried things like this for years in the past. The only thing that ever stopped it was falling in love with someone else or another heartbreak. But that’s no way to fix it. I really do think it comes from a feeling of powerlessness. That’s why I initially suggested telling her how it made you feel. Some way to take some self agency bac…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 09:22 AM
1

I believe you. It’s insane what they can and will do to you once they’ve met someone else. Many men in this sub can vouch for that. It’s like they take joy in destroying you. What’s important is to get you to break this mental loop. Are you on any medications?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 09:11 AM
1

Do you think the cruelty and injustice of it is what’s made it “stick”? Like maybe it’s not even her as a person but that’s she’s triggered something in your brain that’s caused an infinite loop? I suffer with that.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 08:45 AM
1

What if you told her how angry it made you. Like got it off your chest. I know it goes against the common advice of “write a letter and burn it” but I don’t think that’s good enough of a release for some people. You’re the one suffering. What if you wrote a letter and actually sent it
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 08:39 AM
1

What do YOU think would make you feel better?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 08:14 AM
8

Yes but I also hate her. Wish I didn’t feel this way. I’d rather feel indifferent
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 01:50 AM
1

I wondered about that with mine. I don’t like throwing around trendy psych words but there is no other way to describe gaslighting. Her ability to just “I never said that” and completely change a narrative was impressive. It’s weird how much it affected me
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 01:50 PM
5

Her kids feel entitled bc their mom is entitled. We are divorced now. My kid will get all of it when I die. She worked and made good money but she was a financial nightmare. Had the discipline of a teenager
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/26 01:43 PM
5

I have a perspective for you. Here is my situation. Second marriage for both of us. I have 1 child and she has 4. I have retirement fully covered. She has none. I make significantly more than her. She decided to spend 100% of her income on her kids. I spend about 1.5 hours a day commuting. She works from home. I did most of the cooking but her kids refused to eat it. None of them ate leftovers. When they moved in, the dishes, trash, everything got 4x harder. She wanted me to split chores equally…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 08:47 PM
11

We need more pep talks like this!
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 07:04 PM
3

40 was a “magical” age for mine as well
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 06:58 PM
9

What you describe is exactly how it happened to me. She started in a more submissive role and it was great. I treated her like a queen bc of it. But she changed into this arrogant, I don’t need no man, boss bitch. She claimed that getting married would make everything better. It only got worse and I resented her. I stopped trying. She left and seems to be loving her life. I’m still sad but over the most agonizing parts of it. I could barely function for months. She was immediately “free”. But I …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 06:42 PM
14

Mine was the most kind and nurturing woman the first 2 years. Then something changed. I’m not exactly sure what it was but she took off her mask. Then followed 5 years of a selfish, arrogant bully that no longer cared about impressing me in any way. It was “what’s in it for me”
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 07:27 AM
5

100% yes. Biggest mistake I made in our relationship was intentionally choosing a female so she wouldn’t feel outgunned.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 03:01 AM
4

Thank you for posting this. I’m glad you made it on through to the other side. We need stories like this to keep us going
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 08:31 AM
2

My 10 month old puppy is not my best friend at the moment. Shes bumping up the blood pressure hourly
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 01:48 AM
3

Same here. Following
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 07:23 PM
1

Same issue here. I’m a people pleaser with weak boundaries. I expect people to respect my boundaries naturally and don’t want the conflict when they cross them. Did you have to change anything about yourself to “fix” that? Or did it just take the right person?
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 04:44 PM
1

I’m starting to see just how bad a match we were on fundamentals. The light hearted fun she gave was cancelled out by the neglect, bossiness, financial irresponsibility, and lying. I’m so well aware of her issues that I think I need to start working on fixing my issues.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 03:42 PM
2

Man this is such an awesome post. You inspired me to switch things up a bit and be brutally honest with myself about what I did wrong. I’ve spend the entire time writing about what she did wrong. I need to look at my faults now. I’m addressing the deeper issues in therapy but I need to confront myself
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 02:49 PM
6

I’d give the same advice to myself. I actually did start writing down some of the things she gaslit me about bc it became a pattern and was making me feel insane. I should’ve pushed back hard on every one of those things rather than shrink myself. Now I’m left with all this anger. Should’ve been more bold
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 11:34 AM
2

My ex is doing the same thing. Emasculating is the perfect description. How did we all marry the same girl?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:59 PM
13

I think they just do and say stupid illogical shit. It’s like their fantasy of remaining best buds with you while they’re getting railed by bar Chads. They imagine taking “family” trips, spending holidays together, and all sorts of psychotic dreams. Then they just disappear when the new guy shows up
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 12:57 PM
2

Probably. Wouldn’t surprise me if she tried to partner up with my first ex wife and go on vacations with them.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 08:53 AM
5

Following. I’m struggling with it too. I’m a little farther out than you so maybe my perspective is different. I think this whole thing is traumatic. Couple that with being older, work stress, parenting stress. I think there is some healing that has to happen first. If I felt good I would do more. Maybe not the other way around? I don’t know
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 08:31 AM
3

Probably. My drinking got worse when she and her kids moved in. It was the only escape I had. I didn’t drink for a couple months in the middle of it. She enjoyed it but no amount of sobriety would change her or her kids’ behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 06:10 AM
3

lol mine did the same thing. She said she could watch my dog when I traveled. Said the blended family kids could have sleepovers. She wanted to be friends. I’m sure she envisioned telling her old chum TeddyPSmith about the bad one night stand she just had.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 04:12 PM
9

This makes me feel better in a weird way. My ex wife wasn’t the type to help me out or have any compassion if I were injured or sick. It’s like she looked down on me. So I never had anything to miss!
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 02:53 PM
9

I’ve only ever had one woman come back but it was just for a one night stand. I spent the previous year in Afghanistan and did a lot of weightlifting on my time off. I think she appreciated the deployment body. No one else has ever come back.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 02:47 PM
1

It freakin sucks and there are no two ways about it. They call this the “liminal phase”. Where you are still holding onto the past and completely unsure of what the future is. They say that’s where growth happens but growth is painful and scary. I don’t want to grow anymore. I want to be blissful and stupid. Therapy sounds like a really good idea to me. You need some kind of support.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 08:14 PM
7

My ex had to have everything her way. Just unbelievably selfish and no humility. It’s weird that I am only able to really see it clearly now
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 02:18 PM
4

The main two things men need, affection and respect, seem to be the only two things women refuse to provide
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 01:58 PM
3

7 months for me. I still think about her constantly. I’m much better than I was 2 months ago but I’m definitely not feeling great about life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 01:47 PM
2

“You’re not my dad” cuts Todd really deep
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 09:54 PM
3

This doesn’t sound good. Alarms bells are ringing. You’re weighing the pain of staying vs the pain of leaving. Both are bad options temporarily but one of them is permanently bad. I’m going through my second divorce right now. I think you should spare yourself the shame of the second divorce club and put a pause on this until you figure it out.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 04:59 PM
8

Is it possible that women don’t really bond as deeply to their partner as men do? It really does feel that way. Or maybe I’m just living in an echo chamber? My experience has always been that I’m left holding the bag while they just bop away to the next guy like we never happened
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 10:28 AM
6

It’s the fucking injustice. It’s driving me insane.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 10:25 AM
2

I think only one person in a divorce is usually wanting to be friends…the one that lost feelings. The other may be willing just to keep some contact but will ultimately be wrecked when a new man or woman comes around
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 01:10 AM
6

Excellent comment and it’s completely true
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 08:41 PM
7

My ex was taken in by every trend imaginable. She learned that the “thumbs up” on Facebook messenger was supposed to offend her and she became offended by it. She also said “I don’t need no man” quite a few times (except to pay her bills). She embodied boss bitch. She watched Yellowstone and started dressing like the wife and hinting at me to be more like the husband. She bought a rear view mirror air freshener of the husband. She did anything she saw as socially advantageous on social media. So…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 07:00 PM
1

10-4. Man I’ve thought about hooking up with someone but I still feel like I’d be “cheating” or putting the nail in the coffin…as weird as that sounds. Maybe that’s normal? Hell, I don’t know what’s normal anymore
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 06:48 PM
5

I decided to do no contact. What’s the point? We didn’t have kids together. She suggested having a friendship. Why? So I could see her dating other guys? So I could know that shes doing random one night stands when she travels? No thanks. It ended when she left. I can make new friends. The friendship would only be to her benefit
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 05:46 PM
2

Ironically I work with her ex husband. When she was first wanting to meet up, I told her that I wanted to run it by her ex just to avoid uncomfortable feelings. She chewed me out for using that as an excuse to not go out with her. My first mistake was taking what she said at face value. For context, he was already remarried and didn’t care at all. He said he was relieved to hear she was dating me. Her last guy was not good.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:56 PM
2

Thanks so much for writing that and you’re absolutely right. I guess it takes time to figure out this “liminal space” where I’m still attached to the past and unsure of what the future is. It’s a total shock to the nervous system. I’ll do my best to fight the rumination. I’ve started telling myself “this is the rumination thing again”. They say that it helps to see the rumination as a separate entity from yourself. Glad to hear you’ve poked through to the other side. It’s really helpful to hear …
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:54 PM
1

Yep you’re right about that. If i decide to date again, i want in person only and preferably through a friend
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:48 PM
14

Idk i wish my ex’s ex would’ve spared me by telling me his side. I eventually learned it the hard way
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 04:06 PM
1

I can’t stand that sassy shit after being with my ex. That’s their cute way of saying they’re a b___h. Kind of like “fluffy” is a softer way of saying fat
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 11:51 PM
1

There is a reason women lie their number of partners down and men lie theirs up. It’s not conservative or liberal. It’s downstream of some psychological wiring in our brains
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 03:56 PM
2

I had a similar experience but different. I lost my dad to a 5 year battle with Alzheimer’s. My mom was now a widow and had fallen several times and broke her hip. I was so worried about how we’d take care of her. The stress from those two things combined with work stress and the newly blended family caused me to sink into a depression. When I told her that I was depressed, there was no sympathy or curiosity. I think she viewed me as weak for breaking down that day. She didn’t think “maybe I sho…
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 02:40 PM
2

There seem to be many women like them
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 12:47 PM
4

Some of them just leave a trail of destruction. Bc they have no accountability, it’s like they just file chapter 9 emotional bankruptcy and walk off with a “fresh start”. Meanwhile, someone has to pay the emotional bills. Seems to be you and I paying. The red flags were there with mine but her behavior was so good in the beginning that I ignored them. It’s like she framed her red flags as things that happened TO her. In reality, she was the source of them all
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 11:17 AM
8

It’s so empty. What’s worse is you see how easy women are and that your next future partner was probably on the streets like the rest of them
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:00 AM
3

Nearly every person I talk to has told me they think it was a financial thing for her or a marriage of convenience. Not many people think she really loved me. Her ex husband even told me he thought it was just financial. I guess I’m just naive.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 02:23 PM
4

I kept the home through both divorces. I think it’s time to sell this f’ing curse and find a new place that suits me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 09:08 PM
4

I’m not sure if this is relevant to you but I feel the same…she just changed into a completely different person. It’s like she wasn’t the same person I knew at all. She pushed so hard to get married (second marriage for both of us). I took that as a major sign of commitment. I think I was totally wrong about her, though. It’s hard to believe that this could’ve been a financial thing for her. Maybe women are much more strategic than what I’ve been raised to believe
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 05:26 PM
2

Be careful though. Don’t confuse it with love
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 10:40 AM
2

Don’t worry. Divorced women are insanely easy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/26 03:53 AM
3

I’m going through #2 as well. It really sucks bc you think “I’ve redeemed myself”. Mine was also due, in part, to the blended family dynamics. I chose my daughter in the end. I rationalized that whatever pain I have to go through will be worth it to save my relationship with my child. When I told my neighbor, she said that she was a child of divorce and that her mother chose her new husband. She said it always affected her negatively to know that. She said my daughter will always remember this a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 03:40 PM
1

I really don’t know. The reason I did it is bc we have no shared assets or children. Your situation seems a bit more complicated. I’m sure it can be done, though
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 01:19 PM
1

This is the most honest and brutal take of women I’ve read. Thank you for posting it. Wish my parents had warned me
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 12:53 PM
1

Same story here minus the move. She blamed me for everything. Took no accountability and rewrote the story. It’s amazing how in such a short time they can completely destroy something they pushed so hard for. I think there is some psychosis involved
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 12:50 PM
1

Printed out the paperwork, filled it out, got it notarized, filed at clerk of court. Then had to do another step, got it notarized, and filed that. Waiting on the court date now. Cost less than $500 and was really easy
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 11:39 AM
3

This was actually really helpful. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 06:27 AM
14

I tried a second marriage and that’s why I’m here now. I thought I learned so much from my first marriage. What I learned was to not rock the boat, happy wife-happy life, and all the rest. I accepted more than many other men would with regards to her kids, finances, work travel, and boss b___h attitude. In the end, she left. Today im glad she left. Yesterday i was crying. I think in a year or so i will be much better off. But she took away my mulligan. I’m not going to be a three-wife guy
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 07:21 PM
1

I’m dreading that day. I don’t want her to show up. I know I’m going to cry before and after. Just hope not during. Will probably take the day off and paddle my kayak as fast as I can lol.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 12:08 AM
6

Yeah, she didn’t accept anything. He will be hearing from her
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 08:38 AM
17

It’s not natural. You will be in First Place until she knows you’re invested. Then you’ll slide to Dead Last. It is absolutely not worth the risk
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 11:40 PM
6

Modern women should be studied. Hoe Math on TikTok does a good job of it. He’s also entertaining
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 06:45 PM
5

Damn that has to feel so good. Bask in this moment, brother. Some of them only respond to power
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 04:44 PM
12

My ex wife had me going to counseling, was helping look for apartments, and priming me for our “trial separation”. She even asked me to buy a house in a particular part of town so things would be convenient for our daughter. Then I found out about her affair while she was on a girls trip. I showed my 2 year old a picture of the guy and she said that he takes her to feed the ducks. They will say ANYTHING. They don’t deserve to be believed. Not a word of it. It’s almost criminal the emotional dama…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 04:13 PM
7

I was just typing into Grok all of the things I wished would happen to her. It’s cheap and I shouldn’t think this way but I’m a damn human being and don’t have to be perfect all the time. For the record I don’t hope anything BAD bad happens to her. Just that the reality of the life she chose catches up with her
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 03:26 PM
2

Same here. It’s a damn curse. The resistance to feeling it and intellectualizing the pain away makes it last so much longer. I’m trying to practice laying down and letting the pain flow through me without any rationalization. My immediate reaction is to counter the pain with logic…when it hits my mind throws up a bad thing she did or a reason to not love her. But my body and soul think differently.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 02:05 PM
7

My first wife’s entire friend group divorced us all within a year. My second wife’s cousin has been married 5 times. Both of them pressured me into marrying them and both of them walked away
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 01:53 AM
2

“Someone who will be afraid to lose you”…damn.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 01:13 AM
17

They seem to all follow the same playbook
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 01:06 AM
3

Your body does it on its own and it’s slower than you’d like. I don’t think you can fake it out, either. Just have to get accustomed to the pain until it goes away
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 12:12 AM
7

Those guys aren’t lurking r/Divorce_Men unfortunately
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 03:44 PM
1

They enjoy creating and then destroying a marriage. Why would we deny them that pleasure? /s I really want to give my love to someone and be loved by them. If I ever even considered it again it would not be with an American woman. Their masculine energy makes them intolerable
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:37 PM
4

Same
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:30 PM
14

Married in 2008. She had an affair and divorced in 2015. Remarried in 2024 after dating her for 6 years. It lasted 16 months. It’s like she lost her damn mind. One thing I’ve observed is that some women care more about getting married than being married.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 01:30 PM
2

Disclosure I do not use it for actual engineering lol. I use it to find information that would take Google forever. It’s also useful for untangling difficult concepts
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 08:30 PM
3

I use Grok for engineering questions all the time
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 03:45 PM
6

Grok is superior
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 12:29 PM
6

Just a suggestion to add to others. Have you done anything lately that really scares you? That has the effect of reprioritizing your life. I’m about 7 months after a 7 year relationship and feel the same as you. I’m a little better but it’s always on my mind. Today at work we had a huge town hall. I was randomly volunteered to give a short presentation, on the spot. I am terrified of public speaking. I did it anyway and was shaking the whole time. I’m not sure if anyone noticed but I am proud of…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 08:11 PM
1

I feel the same way, 50M. It’s hard to find time to exercise as a single parent. Adding all of the emotional damage has made even going for walks seem impossible. I keep hoping that my body/mind will heal itself but I’m really starting to consider getting my testosterone checked.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 11:43 AM
6

This is how many women in their 40s are. It doesn’t matter what you tell them, they want what they want. Especially true if they’re divorced. They can also smell the heartbreak and it’s intoxicating for whatever reason. When I was younger I wished I could hook up with women. I didn’t know it would only come after a painful divorce and that it would leave me feeling more empty than before. Good for you for sticking to your morals. You can find yourself in a comfortably unhealthy relationship if y…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 08:33 PM
1

It’s only $500 you should do it
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 04:21 AM
6

Masculine energy is right. When did this shit start. I’m sorry but sassy boss b___h is not cute
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 02:20 AM
6

I was thinking today that I can feel good about how I was in the relationship for the most part. I didn’t just “not cheat” or any other big sin. I constantly made bids for connection that were rejected. I accepted she and her kids and all the rest. It still really frickin hurts. Maybe it’s bc I took on so much and I still wasn’t man enough for her. All I know is that she’s living her best life and I’m living in a pool of shame.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 07:48 PM
5

Why the hell do they no accountability? Is this just American women? Western women? All women?
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 05:23 PM
3

Trash is exactly right. Enjoy the bar chads
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 12:55 PM
5

6 months here. Dropping off final papers at the clerk of court in a couple hours. She knew how bad she hurt me and felt no remorse. She’s “glowing up” now. It’s taking some time to recover from this and it hurts like hell. But I think we will all learn some very important lessons from this
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 11:33 AM
3

You’re right about the “dating with intention”. Divorced women in their 40s are the easiest in the world. And that makes me depressed knowing what my STBX is probably up to
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 10:13 PM
3

That’s exactly what it feels like. And the thoughts that accompany it are almost worse bc they give you a reason (it’s a lie) to believe the thoughts. 2 nights ago I woke up at 1 AM and cried for hours. Same terrible thoughts about the future. Last night I woke up at 1 AM and did the dishes and laundry. I was actually happy and thought “my life isn’t over”. I went back to bed and had a dream about her and woke up sad. Nothing in my life was any different over those 24 hours. No new information. …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 07:00 PM
2

I was pretty much like this constantly for a couple months. Lately I’ve been cycling from those feelings to hope for the future. What I’ve realized is that this is grief. It’s what grief feels like and this is supposed to hurt. When I have a good day, literally nothing about my situation was any different from the previous 6 bad days. So this is out of my control and is just grief passing through me. I fully believe we have to face the grief and sit with the pain for it to subside. Distracting o…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 05:30 PM
2

The mornings can be hard bc of the dreams. The nights can be hard bc of the loneliness. I get it from both ends
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 12:50 PM
1

That’s exactly the same for me. It disgusts me how happy she is. I’ve lost almost 30 lb in the last few months from not eating or sleeping. She told me she cried while we were together (I never saw that). Had absolutely zero sympathy for me. I loathe her. Also now that you mention it, the control thing was off the charts. I’d beg her to go do things with me and she’d turn me down. So I gave up and found friends to go. That pissed her off. It’s so weird how clearly I see things as time goes on
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 05:59 AM
2

Thanks man I’m staying away from that. I’ve seen enough from my STBX
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 11:13 PM
1

I haven’t and I’m a little scared to. Is it bad?
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 10:56 PM
13

Marriage used to be a necessity for a woman to have financial security and the ability to properly raise her children. That is not the case anymore. Husbands are treated like a job now. Don’t like the job? Just leave. Her friends will congratulate her bravery and let her know that they always thought he was a narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 03:54 PM
–

My buddy that’s going through it came over last night. His wife is doing the same thing. It’s like there’s something in the water. She is Class of 2026
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 04:57 PM
3

Same
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/26 12:32 PM
5

I hope this graduating class of women gets absolutely shit on by the men they meet after leaving
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 07:01 PM
2

It’s like the “all men were sleeping with their secretaries in the 1950s”. Like the average man had a secretary
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 11:04 AM
2

Anytime man. I’d love nothing more than to see everyone in here heal. I feel like it’s a brotherhood
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 02:17 AM
1

I just saw this guy on tiktok. I’m a huge ruminator. Replay memories and scenarios over and over. It’s not like that will change anything. It’s me holding on and refusing to let go. Anyway this video helped me a bit. Need to feel the emotions rather than just think about them TikTok guy
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 01:59 AM
2

I remember your original post now. The way they can just cut it off like a spigot and rob you of the very thing you need is almost demonic. It’s like they know exactly the button to press to bring you to your knees. What she and her family did was completely wrong and should be outlawed. I hope one day we do away with no-fault divorces bc it’s getting out of hand. Something that’s helped me tremendously is to type it all into AI. I use Grok, personally. It’s become my 24/7 therapist. The more me…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 01:34 AM
2

Shit I’m sorry man
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 01:01 AM
2

I totally feel you. I hope they enjoy sleeping in the beds they made
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 06:45 PM
5

These women are absolute shit
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 06:36 PM
8

We’ve been led to believe that men go through a midlife crisis by buying a red corvette and sleeping with the intern. Seems like it’s the other way around. Our midlife crisis is them
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 03:24 PM
2

Hitting their 40s…WTH is up with that? Mine turned into this insufferable selfish boss b****h. I couldn’t tell if she was gaslighting the hell out of me or if she suffered from some kind of severe memory loss. It would be nice to know that they snap out of it in their 50s and regret what they did
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 02:19 PM
1

The male equivalent would be “eat, sleep, fuck” but we don’t go putting that on signs around the house bc those are inside thoughts
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 01:08 PM
2

After years of her turning me down in the bedroom she told me that I never dated her. I tried but she shot me down with that too. She just didn’t want it with me and couldn’t admit it
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 04:36 PM
3

“Gather” while they destroy the family
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 03:05 PM
7

Don’t forget “I want a divorce”
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 11:09 AM
18

I’m 100% with you. I view them as children that are governed only by their emotions. There is zero accountability. I’m sorry for the good women but they are outnumbered. They are enabling their toddler counterparts
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 07:17 AM
1

I sure hope so bc it feels like my entire skin suit has been ripped off
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 05:45 PM
5

I did. I met with her in January and begged her to stay married but live separately (this was our second marriage and the blended family dynamic was too destructive). She said she needed time to think about it. She told me that she’d already moved on but needed time to process it. Since then she’s done nothing but travel and do all sorts of “best life, glow up” posts on social media. Meanwhile, my world was shattered. I’ve been in agony. She never reached out to me other than tax type stuff. The…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 03:47 PM
3

I struggled with the similar things. Particularly the power plays. I didn’t understand that you can’t negotiate attraction or respect until I found this sub. I had been negotiating for years with no results. The only card left on the table was total submission to everything she wanted. I am 6 months into the separation and filed last week. Should be over soon. The grief isn’t over but the marriage will be soon. You sound like a logical and respectable guy. I’m truly sorry to read your post bc it…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 02:55 PM
4

Thanks for checking in so long after
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 12:29 AM
2

You have no idea how much your words mean to me. Thanks man
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 09:09 PM
1

Thanks for the sobering advice. I need to hear that sometime. My daughter liked her before they moved in. You can hide a lot of stuff when you only see the people a couple times a month. I’m 50. Sure I’d love a 35 year old but I’m not looking for kids or anything
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 08:38 PM
4

I feel you man. Some relationships are like that. I think it’s when you give more than they do. When you get used to being treated poorly it does something to you. Trauma bonds or something like that. I hate to say it but I think it’s like giving up a drug. The only solution is the give it up completely
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 07:04 PM
2

Yep. I think I wanted her to leave bc I couldn’t let my daughter be any part of it. I’m just really feeling the loss
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 06:59 PM
2

I know I’ll sound like every other parent but my daughter is a sweet kid. Very few problems and a stable relationship with her mom. The ex’s kids have big problems…drugs, cutters, promiscuous. I think living separately from the beginning was the answer. It’s over now, though. I filed for divorce yesterday. Just dealing with the loss of a 7 year relationship that I built my life around
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 06:55 PM
1

I feel so trashy just writing this out
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 06:35 PM
1

Glad to share this with you. She had 4 kids, 3 lived her. I have 1. She lived here. Of her 3, 2 went to their dad’s every other week. The other was here full time. Mine went back to her mom’s every other week. I have a 4 bedroom house. My daughter and her youngest (the one that was always here) shared a room. When my daughter started acting strange in the beginning, I asked if her daughters could share a room. She said absolutely not. I warned her that she’s not leaving me many options. I brough…
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 06:35 PM
5

Hell no. They never come back to me
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 05:30 PM
2

I understand what you’re saying
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 01:26 PM
2

Thanks for writing this, especially the part about crying every day for months. It makes me feel less weird
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 01:25 PM
1

It’s hard man. What’s there to start over? It’s going to be starting into a completely different phase in life
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 10:41 AM
4

Similar thing happened to me. I went two more years and she pulled the plug. You’ll have to heal from this. Years without emotional or physical connection is very destructive. There is plenty of support here. You may be able to save it with some counseling. If you can’t save it, it may be worth the effort anyway to know that you tried. Good luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 03:39 PM
2

Same. I’m ashamed of how I used them and I just felt more empty. Not again
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 03:46 AM
16

This is kind of depressing to read bc I relate to it. Not that I want to go sleep with anyone. But more that I was so starved for connection over the last 5 years and now I couldn’t sleep with anyone without feeling like I’m cheating. Cheating on what?!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 03:31 AM
11

I wish hoe_math would make some videos about this phenomenon. And how we are all narcissists
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 08:18 PM
3

Thanks for responding and I totally agree. I’ve been in therapy for a bit and we are working towards addressing the original abandonment and grieving it. It’s an interesting concept but I’m fully open to it. We don’t get many opportunities in life that “force” us to confront these things.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 07:08 PM
10

Going through second one now. I now realize I have abandonment issues and will stick with relationships regardless of the red flags and long past the expiration date. That is not their fault. That’s mine.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 04:32 PM
1

I think you have to find the right modality and the right therapist for it to work. Try finding another one if you can. Also “talk therapy” isn’t a good long term solution in my opinion
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 09:00 AM
2

I understand that. Just a week or two ago I was thinking that the grief is intensifying. That terrified me. It was almost like a fever breaking bc it was followed with those good days. But then I saw her in carpool and it all came back. I don’t know if it’s anything I can control. I just have to brace myself
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 08:32 AM
5

Hey bud hope you’re doing ok. I think any week where you have a good day or two is a win. This is supposed to hurt and there is nothing wrong with any of us for feeling that way. I actually had 3 good days this week. That was a huge win for me. 5 total good days in the last 3 months! But they’ve started happening. I really don’t think dating is a good idea right now. I am radioactive. Any woman that would choose me right now would probably not be good long term. I think this is a time for findin…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 03:41 AM
5

High quality post right here
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 02:34 AM
2

I’ve always been interested in the shadow within myself. I believe he was correct. Given enough time, we all move towards what it wants. But it’s slow, like a glacier, so slow that the presentable self is all we focus on. Idk man. Hopefully this therapist I’m seeing is going to get into that. I hope so. Glad you made this post, though.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 05:54 PM
2

I struggle with constant rumination. It’s particularly bad during waves of grief. My therapist is suggesting that it’s over and it that I can’t seem to accept it. Maybe it’s just to remind ourselves that it’s over
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 04:19 PM
4

I could write a book of my ex’s “I never said thats”. Even when shown absolute proof she would deny it. It made me feel insane for a long time and now it makes me angry. That a person could just lie so effortlessly. I think she has a mental illness
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 02:07 PM
4

Luckily my first wife that I have a child with was financially equal to me. There is no child support and I lost no money. No children with the second wife but it only lasted a year (we dated 6 years before marriage). I don’t expect to lose anything with this one either. But she sure as hell believed that her money was her money and my money was our money. She just started dumping her salary into her kids and not contributing to the household. Also had zero in retirement. Turns out that “love is…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 07:22 PM
6

Going through a second divorce now at 50 and yes. It seems so shallow to me. My idea was a best friend and soulmate. Her idea seemed more like a status and financial deal. Maybe (not maybe) my picker is broken. I’ve often thought that God would have to hand deliver the person to me if I did it again
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 06:58 PM
1

It’s ok. You did right. But even if you made a mistake, it’s ok. You are the dad and the mom now. You’re learning to think in ways you didn’t have to before.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 07:16 AM
3

Thanks for posting this. It’s a good reminder to all of us that there is a way through this. Sometimes that’s all we need; a good tip or some inspiration. It would be cool if there was at least one post daily that was “this is what helped me with ______”.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 07:12 AM
3

Morning, bro. I should be falling back asleep around 5 am, just in time for the alarm to go off
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 07:10 AM
1

Thanks. I’m learning to sit with the pain as time goes on. It’s been really helpful. I understand what you’re saying. The non-religious explanation was that I put off enough vibes and reacted in certain ways that signaled she should leave.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 12:39 AM
1

What’s your motivation for asking?
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 12:07 AM
1

Thanks and I’m sorry for you too. I am wired to love someone. Just not for quite some time after this. There are probably very good lessons in all of it that I can use for the next go round. Not even so much as what to avoid in a partner but what inside of me caused me to abandon myself. I got a dog. Man, first puppy I’ve ever had but not the first dog. This thing is more challenging than a toddler.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 09:29 PM
3

Yep. Trust is what it all boils down to. It’s not as difficult to predict things that aren’t romantic. You can see how your company is doing or if friends are behaving a certain way. But when you open up your heart and life to someone, when you choose to physically and emotionally bond with someone, you can be blinded by love and emotion. Past behavior certainly predicts future behavior. But I thought I was special. I was not
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 08:17 PM
1

Man there should be a rule or law that you can’t accept an assignment like that during a separation. I mean sure one person can go but they can’t take the kids. That’s how it is in the civilian world. Can’t even leave the city without a ruling from a judge
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 08:11 PM
5

Reading everyone’s stories gives me almost no hope in civilization. How can you really know the person you marry? They can mask up to get you and just as easily mask up to leave you. I know it’s not exclusive to women but damn
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 07:15 PM
1

She moved to Hawaii with the kids??
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 07:12 PM
2

I’m sorry man. If you are doing that then what more can God ask of you? You are doing your best. Saying a prayer for you both now
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 06:13 PM
3

I regret not praying for help to save our marriage. I wasn’t even trying to save it. I just felt like “she is doing this to me and it’s not right. Let me drink to numb the pain.” I actually asked God to remove she and her kids from our life bc it seemed untenable. But looking back, that was the wrong mindset. Can’t change it now and I don’t want to take all the blame. She is a pushy and stubborn person. I could’ve tried though
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 04:11 PM
3

Mine did. I think she started going to church to help her leave rather than repair the marriage. But as they say, church is the final hoe stage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 03:35 PM
1

Yep. It’s a strange feeling
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 12:58 AM
2

Super dark circles under my eyes from crying and insomnia. Looks like I have black eyes. Dropped 25 lb in 2 months
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 09:30 PM
2

Thank you for writing that and you are exactly right. I’m doing my best in therapy to understand why I was attracted to her. Although she was a completely different person in the first 2 years. Still the same red flags but it was easy to overlook them based on her explanations. The thing for me to resolve is why I abandoned myself and stayed with her after I noticed the change. I don’t think I can entertain love until I can resolve my own issues
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 07:34 PM
2

Yes he was obviously a narcissist bc he didn’t do these random things. He failed “the bird test” (whatever that is but he probably was distracted). Did he start drinking more? Couldn’t have been the tremendous drama that you brought to his once peaceful life. Oh he yelled at you once after years of you talking down to him? He’s abusive. Did he not let you cross every single one of his boundaries? He never loved you. After years of withholding sex and affection he became a shell of the man he onc…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 05:15 PM
1

YES
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 01:58 AM
2

Thanks man. Just you posting this makes me feel less weird. My ex couldn’t have slept further across the bed from me without falling off. I don’t even know what it feels like to be close to someone like that anymore. When she left she said “I feel like you’re disgusted by me”. I know that’s just how she felt about herself. She did a lot of projection. Anyway, thanks man. This helps
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 01:20 AM
2

I totally understand the pain caused by withholding sex and affection. It makes you feel worthless. I refused the pity birthday BJs. I coped by trying harder to please her but she never reciprocated. It’s amazing what it can do to your self esteem and libido. I’ve also considered a professional cuddler. That’s the most touch I could handle these days
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 12:55 AM
1

I’ve tried CBT and psychotherapy in the past with really no results. There was one guy that gave me very straightforward advice, almost like a dad. I really appreciated that but he retired. The psychotherapy just felt like me complaining to my friends. I was sort of desperate this time so I sought out EMDR and stumbled upon a lady that does Internal Family Systems and EMDR. She had no Google ratings but I just went with it. I wanted a woman this time for some reason. It’s like the best hour of m…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 11:21 PM
2

I’m actually having a non-terrible day today. Only the second one like this in months. Fist bump!
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 05:43 PM
6

I feel like there should be a list of important emotional milestones. Congrats bud
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 05:12 PM
3

Whew man be careful. I did this after my first wife. The girl was 11 years younger and scratched every itch that I had for the entire marriage. It didn’t go well, other than in the bed
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:25 AM
2

I get it. I feel like I’d be cheating
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 09:11 PM
1

I think it was delayed. I was ok with it at first. It just didn’t start to set in that I missed her until about 2 months in. I think it’s bc the situation at the house became so untenable that I was glad they moved out.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 07:54 PM
3

When does it stop lol. This shit is intensifying. But maybe I need it
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 07:47 PM
1

How dare you for enjoying that! Mine reclaimed her virginity after year 2 or 3
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 07:21 PM
3

I think she’s going to regret the caliber of man that is willing to take her on with her current situation. Or maybe she’s content just doing bar hookups
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 06:51 PM
3

I feel you man. Spent all morning crying. Spent the weekend doing that too. Just know you’re not alone
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 05:49 PM
2

No but I hear about it. Had to ask people to stop telling me
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 04:43 PM
2

They will at some point tarnish their character to a point that only the lowest of men will accept. Sometimes I wonder if Sharia courts have some legitimacy. I’m joking but we are way too accepting of women’s childish and irresponsible behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 04:24 PM
2

I have no way of knowing if she’s really happy. If I were in her position, living with her mom and her kids living at their dads, 4 kids from 2 dads, one of which is in jail more than not, absolutely no money, 2 divorces…I would be in despair. But I am the one in despair despite having a very stable life. It seems unfair. She is showing everyone how happy she is
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 04:09 PM
1

I saw a study that said it takes, on average, 4.2 years to reach the half life of getting over it. That doesn’t mean despair for 4.2 years. It means that the other person is mostly disintegrated from your attachment and mind
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 03:21 PM
3

5 months in and cry multiple times a day. She is having an Instagram glow up
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 01:31 PM
12

Gonna have to agree with you. They are “the fairer sex” and physically weaker than men. Bc of that, they’ve adapted their defenses to hurt men in diabolically emotional ways. Part of that is claiming victim status in any situation and then having the ceremonial glow up to celebrate leaving the “abuser”. In my case, years of withholding affection and sex from me, hiding her finances, and lying about critical red flags could’ve been considered abuse. But I yelled at her once after years of her tal…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 01:19 PM
2

No friends is a new red flag. Her main friend was her employee. That friend once told me “she’s a freak. You should leave her”.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 01:06 AM
3

Same. She just acted that way to seal the deal and then turned into the biggest bitch I’ve ever been with
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 01:04 AM
17

She will get fat again
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 11:08 PM
6

I’m just glad I’m not the only one that couldn’t last when it was not regular. That was actually a major problem in my marriage. But when you get it once every couple months, it feels like the first time
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 11:03 PM
7

My standards have gone down with each woman. The girl after my first marriage was beautiful, great in bed, and probably BPD. I thought she might stab me in my sleep a few times. The next had more red flags than anyone I’d ever been with. She hid them well and treated me better than anyone ever had. But once she knew she had me, that mask came off. I’ve never felt so inferior in my life. And she dropped me like a rock and is glowing up
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 10:51 PM
3

Same here. Mine is gone
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 05:49 PM
1

I pretty much stopped looking at social media other than tiktok and Reddit. Tired of seeing all those picture perfect families
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 04:43 PM
2

Same. I had to tell my family to stop telling me about her Facebook posts. Like constantly posting about all the fun she’s having. In the gym all the time. Constant work travel. Her poor kids probably never see her. The thing is, she’s living with her mom. Has a negative net worth. Has 4 kids with 2 dads, one of which spent more time in jail than out of jail. 3 of her kids don’t live with her now. Like her actual life is a fucking disaster. Mine is stable as hell. Maybe I feel like this bc I tho…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 04:35 PM
1

YMMV. My ex married her affair partner
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 04:30 PM
2

Thanks man. I’m going to start calling those numbers. It’s like I need constant support. I don’t understand why the grief feels like it’s intensifying. I was ok for a couple months but it’s looking more like a steady rise. I don’t think she feels anything from this. She’s living her best life
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 04:28 PM
2

How does the warmline or 988 work? I wake up at 2am every night, racked with anxiety and rumination
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 04:08 PM
2

I joined DivorceCare and started weekly therapy. One of the things they stress in DivorceCare is not to date for 1 year after the judge signs the papers. I can attest to that. I dated too soon after my first marriage. Had a 2 year relationship that failed. Dated too soon after that and eventually married the girl. 7 years together, 1 year married. I realize that while I thought I was emotionally over my first wife, there were unresolved issues due to her affair that affected my decision making. …
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 04:01 PM
2

Yeah I hope she gets herpes
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 02:52 PM
2

You know what would be cool? Like a virtual happy hour or something
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 07:09 PM
2

I would absolutely love to meet yall for beers. I feel like this sub is the only group of people on the planet that I can relate to right now. It’s a shame there aren’t actual support groups for us. Feel free to DM me if you ever need to vent. Any time. I now have insomnia so I’m always available lol
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 05:45 PM
1

Same
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 05:41 PM
1

I look at her job as sort of low skill, not to sound mean. I’m a chemical engineer and deal with lots of technical stuff but I may as well been a janitor to her. I made significantly more than her and had 100% of the retirement. She saved nothing. But her job hands out VP titles to anyone to make them feel important. Everyone is a director, VP, manager. They send each other gifts on company money. It’s so opposite of the chemical industry where massive amounts of money and safety are moving arou…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 05:36 PM
2

It’s almost like Satan himself couldn’t come up with a more cruel punishment. He takes notes from them
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 05:27 PM
1

Very true about the dynamic shifting. I don’t know how you recover from it. Mine shifted after 1.5 years of dating. She went from caring and loving to this “I don’t need no man” boss bitch. She blamed it on me hesitating to marry her (both second marriages with kids). She continued to push for marriage and I finally did. But the dynamic changed long ago and she was able to leave easily
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 05:24 PM
1

It’s like we are all a part of the same twisted movie. Just married to different versions of the same girl
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 05:21 PM
2

I’m curious what worked for you. I feel like my grief is intensifying. It’s been 5 months. I cried all weekend. I did have 1 good day last week so that was hopeful. It was the first in months
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 05:20 PM
5

You just explained my ex. They are all the same apparently
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 09:24 AM
12

Man this almost hurts to read bc it’s exactly how I feel. Are they all the same? Someone said it should be illegal to cause someone this kind of emotional damage.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 09:18 AM
3

There has to be some kind of karma in all of this
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 10:52 PM
8

Thank you for writing this
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 07:43 PM
1

They sure are. Insufferable
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/26 07:30 AM
1

Same. I had ONE good day on Wednesday. I thought I was over it. Nope. But it was a good day in a whole bunch of bad ones so I’ll take it. I think the progress is incremental. Like I gained one yard. If I could just stop the ruminating!
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 04:33 PM
2

Yep you’re totally right. I asked them not to tell me anything anymore. Hope you’re doing well
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 04:06 PM
2

Sex is more than just about the act. It’s knowing that your partner still finds you attractive enough to want sex with you. Or at least cares enough to please you. She just got so fucking fat and lazy. It’s like that was her natural state.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 01:50 AM
1

Thanks for saying that. I think the crying is necessary and I’ll be stronger on the other side. It just hurts. Glad to hear you’re on the other side!
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 01:49 AM
1

Her actual life is a bit of a disaster
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 01:48 AM
1

Thanks for saying that
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 12:33 AM
1

Her actual life, the resume of her life, is a fucking catastrophe
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 11:45 PM
1

Thanks man. I’m in therapy and it does help. Gonna be a process
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 11:23 PM
2

How did the inpatient therapy work for you? How long was it? Did it work? I do therapy and it does help. Just wanting to feel better. Maybe I should go total no contact including news from my family
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 10:37 PM
1

Thanks again man. That’s really good advice. I’ve actually been using AI as a therapist. It’s helped me “materialize” the entire relationship and see patterns that I became used to and shouldn’t have accepted.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 09:29 PM
2

She’s absolutely doing her best. She’s been there every single day for me. Always answers
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 08:45 PM
4

100% true
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 08:11 PM
1

I haven’t picked up any yet. I’m doing therapy and DivorceCare and that’s what I can do at this moment. Also reconnecting with old friends and expanding my social circle. Working on joining a gym though
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 08:09 PM
2

Great advice. I’ve lost 20 lb just from not sleeping or eating. Side benefit of this bullshit. But the gym is next.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 07:11 PM
2

Thanks bud. She means well. She thought it would wake me up to see that she’s not worth all of my tears. Maybe one day it will but today it just fried my nervous system. I suppose it shows that I invested too much into the wrong person but that doesn’t make me feel better today.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 07:05 PM
1

Man those are impressive numbers. Ours was way less than that bc we lived apart for 6 years before we got married but the pattern was the same. It actually dwindled down to a few times a year for the last few years. What really pisses me off is her inability to just be honest about it. Instead she just puts all the blame on me. I’m not sure how to get over that. All I can think of is that she will carry that on to her next relationship. But likely she will only have one night stands with all of …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 02:37 PM
2

Man I look back over the entire relationship (bc I have lots of free time now and strong emotions) and can clearly see the shift in her. I also tried to “step it up” when I sensed something was off. She went from loving sex to criticizing it. She wanted to spice it up but refused any ways of doing so. Like an idiot, I just kept trying.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 12:44 PM
3

She deleted me. After a couple months of anger and rumination I untagged myself in all of the pictures and deleted her family and friends
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 05:48 AM
3

That’s fair. I guess I classified physical touch (not sex) with emotional intimacy. There was no kissing, cuddling, or touching. Only the quick “kiss you like you were a 9 volt battery” pecks and hand holding in public where others could see. She couldn’t have been further from me in the bed. She told me in the end that it was all my fault for not “dating her”. I gave up trying to date her long after she reclaimed her virginity.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 12:33 AM
1

The emotional intimacy rejection hurts worse than the sexual rejection to be honest
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 11:58 PM
7

It’s one of the reasons. She “loved sex” until she knew she had me. Then it was years of rejection. I’m sure she will find her passion again with bar Chads and Tinder hookups. But her baggage is so heavy that that’s all she’ll get. Anywho sorry to vent. You should consider asking her to try HRT. It saved my buddy’s marriage
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 11:57 PM
4

I would ask every single question you think you want the answer to bc he will never get the chance once she’s on her psychotic spree
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 06:21 PM
25

I hope these women that have their menopausal glow up just get their shit handed to them when they realize that bar Chads are all that awaits them
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 05:51 PM
3

Nah. I pushed them down for decades. It didn’t lead to anything good. Time to clean out the system
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 08:53 PM
2

Good advice and thank you
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 07:07 PM
3

She deleted me long ago. My sisters and aunt can see it. I think she’s just delusional
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 04:48 AM
3

You know what? I’m joining a fucking gym this week.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 03:13 AM
1

I hate that I’m here lol
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 02:54 AM
1

Yeah you’re right. It’s just raw
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 11:23 PM
1

Ive heard the same thing. I think not feeling comfortable in my own skin is why I’ve chosen the women that I’ve chosen…an escape from my own skin. At 50, how do you learn to feel comfortable in your own skin? I suppose I’ll have to figure it out
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 10:46 PM
4

Thanks man. This is exactly how I feel. I’m mourning the loss of the family. Even thought it was blended, I invested a lot in it. It became my identity and now it’s gone. I’m too old for this. I should be slowing down. I don’t want to have to do this again but I really want to be with someone. Maybe it’s not in the cards
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 09:40 PM
1

I don’t follow her but my sisters do. My daughter told me she went to the party. It just seems so inappropriate. Like can’t she find any other friends
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 07:25 PM
2

I didn’t want to a second time but she insisted on it. I don’t see a third
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 07:11 PM
2

Thanks man. It’s solid advice. I feel that way about my first ex wife. I really do wish her the best and care for her. I couldn’t ask for a better coparent
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 07:05 PM
1

In too
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 06:17 PM
1

Does it seem vindictive to you? It feels that way
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 06:12 PM
6

How do WE start this group?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 05:44 PM
2

Depends
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 06:44 PM
4

I’ve found AI to be incredibly therapeutic as long as you know the boundaries. It’s like a living journal with live feedback.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 01:40 PM
2

I did after a really bad breakup. It does not lead to good things.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 01:13 AM
2

lol man I have to say the women in there were not lookers by any means. It almost seemed like a 12 step meeting. I thought to myself “is this what I’ve become?” But it’s actually been helpful. I don’t need to be left to my own devices
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 09:27 PM
1

It’s almost like they’ve extracted our life force and are using it to live their best lives
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 04:53 PM
3

lol I was the only guy last night
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 04:04 PM
5

Day by day. Cry, get angry, don’t suppress your emotions. You have to grieve it and it fucking sucks. But your body and mind are made to heal themselves so long as you don’t get in the way. I have found some solace in a therapist, DivorceCare, family, and friends. It still feels like being awake during surgery.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 03:12 PM
2

I just started something called IFS (internal family systems). She also does EMDR but that would be later. I’d never heard of IFS but it’s kind of interesting. She wasn’t so much concerned about jotting down all the details of my situation. That was a first compared to “talk therapy” that I’ve done in the past. She’s more concerned with how the internal characters in my psyche react to and cause the feelings. We’ll see how it goes. I’ve got nothing to lose!
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 02:24 PM
2

Divorce Care seems like it’s helpful. It’s kind of like a steady and stable place where you can see other people actually going through it. The videos are very relatable
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 09:19 PM
2

Is it just considered assumed that people sleep with other people during separation? Am I the only prude that doesn’t believe in that?
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 08:58 PM
3

I do. My ex wife told me I was unlovable. My experiences since her seem to validate it. I’m in IFS therapy to hopefully address some of that. I know that I am lovable. My daughter thinks the world of me. I just expect different things from women than what I actually get and I start to become guarded in the love that I share with them
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 03:56 PM
6

This is a great list and I will try my best to adopt it. Thanks for sharing
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 12:35 AM
3

It’s so unattractive. It’s like their goal is to be the man of the house and then leave you for not being man enough to be more powerful than them. Mine wasn’t like that when we met. Almost the opposite. She knows that shit is unattractive so she has to put on the mask until it’s time
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 07:41 PM
3

Holy shit, mine too. She’s way too high on her hog. A real boss b**ch. She wasnt like that when we met. Well, she hid it well.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 03:11 PM
3

Mine pushed hard for marriage. I didn’t want to navigate a blended family. After 6 years I relented. She bailed after 1 year of marriage. She morphed into an obese troll while we were married but is now in the gym constantly and doing her Eat, Pray, Love phase. I’m pretty sure she’s painting me as a narcissist. She accidentally sent me a link to “how narcissists use sleep to control you”. The Queen of “I never said that” is saying I’m a serial gaslighter
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 02:20 PM
2

Constant supply of doctors and hospitals are loaded to the gills with young professionals. I work in a chemical plant. 99% male
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 11:05 PM
2

I get that. My sister says my intelligence ruins my relationships
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 09:52 PM
4

She wasn’t in nursing school, was she? I’ve heard that story a few times
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 06:41 PM
5

I’m 100% guilty of covert contracts. I read NMMG years ago but I didn’t absorb it. Will have to revisit that
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 06:41 PM
3

Same
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 06:30 PM
7

Yep. Mine turned into the boss b**ch that she is at work. I broke down to her telling that losing my dad, worry about my mom, and some other big things had me depressed. She didn’t care. I treated she and her kids pretty damn good. I’m confident she won’t find that again, not to sound arrogant. But they had so many experiences bc of me that they never had.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 06:30 PM
0

I started typing everything I could think of into AI. It would write stuff back to me that would bring back more memories. It’s like I tucked a lot of this stuff away and only by recounting it to AI, bc it’s available 24/7, was able to recall it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 05:17 PM
3

Yeah that happened to me too. Been depressed for the last 2 months but I was at peace the first 2 months. It sucks
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 03:07 PM
1

Woman leaves stable fiancé for temporary Christmas tree farmer. You go girl. Drop that loser. YAS Queen slay
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 05:40 PM
1

Do you mean that romanticism and the later capitalizing on it created a completely unrealistic expectation of marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 03:22 AM
3

Man I’m so sorry. I know the feeling. You have to feel the pain I think. Just sit with it. It’s miserable. It will pass and then come back again and then pass again
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 12:17 AM
3

Starting DivorceCare this week
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 10:10 AM
1

Ahh gotcha. It’s my past speaking
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 05:38 AM
2

Hire a private investigator
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 05:31 AM
1

Codependency No More I Wish I Knew This Before My Divorce One Second After (just for fun)
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 10:28 PM
1

Damn that one hits hard
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 09:07 AM
3

Mine reclaimed her virginity after 2 years of being together. 5 years later when she was walking out the door, the told me there was no sex bc I didn’t date her
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 12:53 PM
11

Physical neglect does severe damage to a man. Not even sex. Just a lack of affection will destroy him.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 05:21 AM
3

Man I’m so sorry. It’s so strange how they can become like that. It’s like it’s not the same person you married. It sounds like she’s pushing you away. But why? I have no idea. This is going to sound like I’m just trashing women but it seems like they’re all too comfortable to deny sex and affection. We had sex a couple times a year for the last few years. But it was the lack of affection that hurt even more. One time I brought it up while we were outside and she said “why would I want to have s…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 10:03 PM
6

Give yourself some time. I felt fine in the beginning. It took a couple months before the massive waves of grief hit
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 06:06 PM
6

Same here man. I spend so much time on here just looking for something, anyone to relate to.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 05:43 PM
1

They absolutely do this. I’m too embarrassed to say what mine told me but it was like twisting a knife and pouring salt in the wound
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 12:57 PM
1

Checking in on you, man. How are you?
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 04:11 AM
2

I just don’t know that I could remain friends. Mine seems to want to have a friendship. We don’t have kids together. What does she want? To tell me about her dates? I’m in a lot of pain and she’s ready to be pals
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 09:18 PM
4

I think it’s likely that they make fun of us when we cry or break down. Can you imagine if we did that to them?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 03:05 PM
7

No matter what they say, never show them any sign of weakness. I don’t care what they say, they will all use it against you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 12:43 AM
1

Yeah you’re right. I guess I take a little solace in that bar Chads are likely all she can pull at this point in her life. She has a slew of kids and is a financially irresponsible.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 04:13 PM
1

We’ve been separated for about 5 months. I don’t get any breadcrumbs at all. She did send a brief text the other day bc it was the 1 year anniversary of my dad dying but it read like the inside of a blank, cheap Hallmark card. Left no room for conversation
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 04:11 PM
1

I’m sure my ex is horny again with random bar Chads
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 03:52 PM
3

Man I totally get that. Mine rejected me early on, not just sex but also affection. She loved sex in the beginning but started to become critical of my performance. I eventually started prematurely cumming and couldn’t stop it. It’s like it got inside my head. Towards the end she said “why would I want to have sex with you?” and “you wanna know why there was no sex?” and hinted at my PE. I’ve got a long way to go to recover from this
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 03:33 PM
1

I’m sorry man. I know the feeling well. I just can’t understand how you can invest so much time and create so many memories with someone and then they just dissolve you as if it meant nothing. I’d like to think that actually going through the pain, as long as it takes, would make us stronger at the end. But sometimes it’s hard to fathom that there could be an end or that I would not be a bitter loner
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 03:30 PM
1

You know what’s weird? I’ve been with my STBX for 7 years. I can’t remember the last time our tongues touched
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 02:48 PM
1

Man that’s great to hear. Thanks for updating me. I needed to hear a positive story
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 12:34 PM
4

Believe nothing that they say but everything that they do. That statement rings so true with me. How are you doing with it all?
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 07:57 AM
2

Been a while since you posted it but your situation sounds identical to mine. Second divorce coming up. Blended family destroyed it. How are you now?
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 06:21 AM
1

My God this hit home. I could be OP. Thank you for saying this
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 06:17 AM
2

I enjoyed getting my teeth cleaned more than I should have. She leaned all over me and it just felt nice to have a woman touch me again
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 05:52 AM
7

Near the end, mine told me that I screamed at her at the top of my lungs. That may have happened once in 7 years. That’s after 7 years of her talking down to me
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 05:42 AM
3

Just curious, how did you find out? I have strong suspicions, as well but would never know. I even thought about hiring a PI but don’t know if I want to go there
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 05:40 AM
10

I’m watching my STBX drop tons of weight, get Botox, and other cosmetic enhances. She was a blob the entire time we were together. Now she’s constantly in the gym, always leaving to run errands. But says she doesn’t intend to date for a long time. I’ve heard that before. She had it really good with me. I accepted all of her kids, took them on vacations that they’d never do otherwise, and did the best I could. I just can’t fathom the injustice in all of this. It’s hard to have a shred of sympathy…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 01:55 AM
2

I work with the ex husband of my STBX. Now everyone at work will know. Ugh. I made an appointment with a therapist. I’ve never had any luck with them in the past but the pain can be unbearable right now so I need to try something. The worst thing to me is that I didn’t actually want to get married again. I didn’t want the stain of a second divorce. We had a good thing but she insisted on marriage to make her happy. That meant blending families. I could’ve seen this shit coming a mile away. Last …
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 08:46 PM
3

I had a similar issue about credit card debt, spending, savings. I know what you mean about not wanting to ask. I asked my STBX how much she made before we got married. One time she told me it was about the same as me. The next time she told me it wasn’t. She wanted separate accounts so I “couldn’t judge what she spends money on”. she sold her house and got about $40k in equity. 16 months after living in my house with almost no bills anymore, she still has $12k credit card debt. I was always too…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 08:31 PM
5

lol it’s sad that these things seem logical and likely
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 02:20 PM
3

My ex wife you to be so concerned when I’d let our daughter sleep in my bed. Same woman that had an affair when my daughter was 2. They’d take my daughter to feed ducks before I found out about the affair. Trust your gut with parenting
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 01:27 PM
0

I feel you man. Just turned 50 and going through my second. The shame and embarrassment is so different this time. I was embarrassed after #1. I haven’t told many people about this one. Now I’m in the total loser category, at least according to how I was raised. Don’t give up on kids. You can have them in your 40s. You can have them in your 50s. Just do it with the right person
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 01:02 PM
4

That’s a perfect summary. This time is like triage. Some triage by drinking it away (me sometimes). Some start sleeping around. Just anything to avoid the pain. OP is handling it as well as can be expected
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 03:03 PM
3

I know a frequent offender on one of those groups. He has no problem getting laid off the apps
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 03:28 AM
33

There should be an equivalent “is she a whore” Facebook group
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 12:28 AM
4

You have to use your kids. I remember having a colonoscopy and my STBX said she’d take me. I knew I couldn’t count on her so my mom did. Colonoscopies are no big deal but I remember feeling the disappointment when she predictably couldn’t take me. When my daughter is old enough to drive she will be doing this type of thing
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 07:53 PM
1

This was a really insightful comment. Thanks for posting it. I never even realized I was questioning my ability to make the right decisions until you put it in words
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 03:12 PM
1

Reading some of your posts and checking on you. You sound like me. I also love Ecclesiastes. How are you holding up?
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 07:50 AM
1

I was at 7-7 at that point
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 07:24 AM
1

2-2-3 when they are young. 7-7 when they are older
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 02:58 AM
7

My self worth is definitely in the toilet. Grief hit me hard at 3 months. The last month has really sucked. The only thing I’ve been able to do is self soothe. It sounds weird but I talk to myself like I’m a child. I just reassure myself that I’ll be ok and it’s normal to feel like this when you cared about someone.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 11:24 PM
2

My STBX has a slew of kids, a previous marriage, and a kid from an absolute loser. I looked over all of that bc of the person she seemed to be in the beginning. It seemed like she truly appreciated me for accepting her situation. She turned out to be more entitled than anyone I’d ever been with.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 02:46 PM
1

Damn this hit home. I was paying all the bills while she dumped her entire salary into her kids. Paid all of their expenses. These are not my kids. I had 100% of the retirement. I work my ass off, commute about 1.5 hr total every day. Constantly doing family things. And I’m told that I “never dated her”. And that’s why she never had sex with me. She never made time for us to be alone. One of her kids was here full time. She not only cut off the sex but she withheld affection for years which was …
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 02:26 PM
1

Mine accidentally sent me a link titled “how narcissists use sleep to control you”. This is the level of emotional intelligence we are up against.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 02:22 PM
1

The baggage that my STBX has will probably doom her to a lifetime of Chads. And she seems ok with that
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 02:21 PM
2

Before we got married, mine got this sudden urge to get a giant tattoo and go to nude beaches. To each their own but this is not the woman I got with. I was worried that something changed in her so I tested her by bringing up a sex club. She seemed excited by it. My heart broke that day. And yet I still married her. I’d ask her about that stuff from time to time and she always said “I was just joking!”. My ass
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 02:20 PM
5

Divorce isn’t something to be proud of. Why would I celebrate it
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 08:27 AM
1

Got it!
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 12:34 AM
2

Awesome thanks man. Really needed this right now
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 12:33 AM
2

Is it pretty good exercise?
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 12:08 AM
1

I get it. It’s so much and it’s life changing. People that aren’t divorced (or are divorced and don’t care that much) just don’t understand how life altering it is. Will you give an update of your experience with EMDR? I’m not sure what to think about it. My dad was a social worker so I was raised with a certain mentality that I feel makes me a bit immune to therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 12:00 AM
2

Is it ok for a 50 year old? I’m somewhat interested but I don’t want to permanently screw up my shoulder and knee
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 11:58 PM
2

“I don't think I'm in the right place to be getting out there, since it's even hard to have fun with my friends” Ouch. I feel this. I like the advice about steering into it and accepting every offer. I did that today and am glad I did. I felt like garbage the entire time but I think we will have to start creating new memories that will one day be part of our story. I don’t want to look back and all of my memories are me on the couch
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 09:23 PM
1

What kind of trauma therapy are you trying? I’m on the fence about an appointment with an EMDR and IFS therapist
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 09:16 PM
3

I’m lucky enough to have a friend that is always single. We hang out once a week. But we don’t talk much about my divorce. I also have a childhood friend that I’ve spent many hours on the phone with over the last 30 years. We’ve gotten each other over some dark times. He’s married but he loves to dissect my issues. He’s also always in my corner. I’m very thankful for him
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 02:15 PM
4

I did this after all of my relationships in the past. It seemed like the most common advice. What I did was pass this avoided pain onto the next relationship. It stops now. I have no desire to be with a woman for the foreseeable future.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 02:11 PM
7

This thread has been profoundly helpful to me. OP I’m right at the same timeline as you. At first I was sort of at peace (maybe denial) and then I felt righteously angry. But when Christmas hit, the grief consumed me like a tsunami. I haven’t been able to shake it. All I can think is that I’ll spend the rest of my life alone. I kind of know that’s not true but the idea of going through another pain like this seems daunting. Someone posted “brighter days will come” or something like that. I hope …
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 12:56 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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