We’ve been separated for 6 months, the required time in my state when you don’t have kids together.

Dated for 6 years and married for 1. Tried to blend families but so many “disastrous” things happened in that year. My daughter didn’t want to come home from her mom’s more often. Her 14 yo had a pregnancy scare. She let her 18 yo son’s girlfriend spend the night after I made it clear it wasn’t ok with me. Her youngest daughter choked my daughter at a birthday party in front of her friends. It was just too much. She moved out.

I poured my heart out to her in January and suggested we stay married but live separately until the kids were older. She said she needed time to think. That was 2 months ago and she’s given me no sign of thinking about it. She’s been traveling, posting all over social media, and starting to become a gym rat. I’ve been in agony.

I decided that it was time to file last week and that I didn’t want to reconcile. So I did it yesterday.

I just can’t stop the grieving. I cry all the damn time. I’ve had a few good days in the last few weeks but that’s it. I saw them as a positive sign….at least I can have a good day here and there but it’s completely out of my control. I just want this to stop. But I know I need to feel it all.

Can you guys give me any advice? Anyone grieved hard for months? When did it get better? Am I insane for even wanting to reconcile? This is really hard