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View 13 posts and 273 comments by mesi130 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
49

Success Storiesmesi130/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 09:19 AM
27

mesi130/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 10:49 AM
25

Need Supportmesi130/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 02:08 PM
24

Dealing with the Ex / STBXmesi130/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 04:31 PM
18

Rantmesi130/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 04:27 PM
16

Rantmesi130/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 07:43 AM
9

mesi130/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 06:17 PM
7

Need Supportmesi130/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 12:42 PM
5

Need Supportmesi130/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 04:02 PM
3

Need Supportmesi130/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 12:08 PM
2

Dealing with the Ex / STBXmesi130/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 02:36 PM
2

Courtmesi130/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 12:14 PM
2

mesi130/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 02:25 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Sorry I’ve been there man. Mine had the ex wife chirping at her also. Eventually he’ll grow up and figure it out. It does break your heart
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 05:48 PM
11

He will go to the house of least resistant and where he gets the most. Teens are selfish. My daughter went no contact for a year for no good reason. Since then she says she doesn’t know why. All you can do is message him everyday. Be involved in his activities and interests. He’s at the age where it’s girls and sports. Try not to take it personally. Remember what you were like at that age
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 02:28 PM
6

Comes down to time and money
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:47 AM
1

Thin this down some its too much to read
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 01:40 PM
2

Just remember child support is till 18 and the ex can take you back if you get an increase in pay.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 04:03 PM
5

Sounds like you are well on your way to having a healthy life. I stayed at the house. I’m slowly doing every room over and new landscaping. I’m making it my own. I thought about selling but I have a low rate. I’m about 6 months out. I struggle some days and I’m the one that filed
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 01:26 PM
3

Yeah pointless to talk to her about it. Don’t show your cards
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 09:58 PM
3

So she was balls deep with two guys?! Hell with her then
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 04:53 PM
2

Cohabitating with my ex was hell. I did it for over a year. I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone. Police called multiple times. Eventually she was forced to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 12:50 PM
12

Wasting your time negotiating with her. Let the lawyers handle it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 12:48 PM
11

Kids can make her a card. Don’t buy a card or flowers. She isn’t your mother
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 03:08 AM
3

That’s tough but she’s gotta learn no one deserves to be touched. Sounds like she needs anger management.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 06:22 PM
4

The first time she hit me I gave her a free pass. The second time I called the police but didn’t press charges. You did the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 06:01 PM
6

Prepare for battle
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 04:54 PM
1

My experience anyways
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 11:37 AM
1

Judge will want to hear the main hang ups of way you can’t settle. He/she may make you try to mediate again if they want. In my experience unless they’re some form of abuse they don’t wanna hear your sob story. They shut my wife down quick. They’ve heard every story. They might ask you a few simple questions but most will be directed at your lawyer. They’ll talk about the rules of the state included child support and alimony. They go over the financials and make sure all the paperwork is in. The…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 11:05 AM
1

Mediation or actual court process?
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 10:48 AM
3

That’s good then the clock will stop and anything now will totally be on her
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 04:11 PM
2

100% typical. This is time out of their day. If they answer 50 emails a day and not charge how are they making money. Let me say I’m no fan of lawyers but this is just how it works right or wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 04:10 PM
6

That’s how a lawyer gets paid. Don’t call text or email unless it’s important. It’s not just your lawyer it’s most. They aren’t your friend. They love divorce cases. My ex call hers all the time she learned quick.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 12:17 PM
2

Kinda in the same situation. We both don’t want to date others. Makes it easy to hook up once in awhile. But it starting to get complicated. She wants to go on dates. I in no way want to progress and no way in hell am I living with her again.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 12:00 PM
7

Peace, come and go as you please, work as much as you want, no sks, my kids feel comfortable now at my house.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 10:42 PM
2

It’s called manipulation. I’m trying to help the guy diffuse the fire.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 06:35 PM
1

I would acknowledge what she does for the household and say you appreciate it. This will put her off the defensive. Ask her what more can you contribute. Don’t make a list of what you do. She knows absolutely everything you do. Maybe your schedule she has some jealous with. That’s just a guess
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 06:11 PM
12

Step kids
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 04:12 PM
1

Exhaust all options before you file. Divorce and 1/2 the time with your kids is terrible. Sit down and have a serious conversation with her
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 04:10 PM
3

My wife said she was scared of me also. I’ve never touched a woman in my life. In fact she assault me twice. For her it was just a form of manipulation.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 04:08 PM
3

Give me a quick summary I can’t read all that
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 04:06 PM
1

Transportation* is a huge one I messed up on. I ended up driving back and forth do over 10 years. She drove a handful of times.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 03:59 PM
1

You’ll sit down in a room with lawyers and a mediator. You’ll tell the mediator all the issues involved with the case. Then you’ll go into separate rooms and propose deals to each other. If you cant come to an agreement in such an amount of time the judge will probably order a trial if your aren’t close.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 01:19 PM
1

If she’ll go along with a realtor’s figures might not cost you anything. If it gets dirty you’ll need to hire an appraiser. Judge may make you get one regardless
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 01:14 PM
3

Yesterday
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 12:11 PM
1

Why haven’t you filed in 4 years? The clock is ticking financially.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 12:11 PM
1

The way you talk doesn’t seem like you wanna be married. You still wanna chase tail. Don’t string your wife along. You said therapy is making some progress. Be either all in or nothing
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 05:15 PM
4

Ask yourself could you ever trust her again? Or could you ever trust her? No trust then its over
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 05:11 PM
2

Have you tried counseling? What are the issues
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 03:08 PM
2

I was happy to settle. Going to trial my lawyer wanted 20k just to start trial process. Unless we are talking millions I would settle if you believe it’s fair. Don’t fight over small stuff it’s not worth it. Plus the courses were backed up for over a year where I live. The stress wasn’t worth it
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 03:55 PM
1

After my first divorce which was years ago. Not sure how I made it financially back then. Child support and alimony killed me. I tried to work overtime and prayed she didn’t take me back for an increase. I cut my budget wherever I could. This last 15+ year now I’m paying catch up in my 401k. I finally have some money but I’m in my 50s now and since have divorced again. Second marriage no kids. Don’t make the same mistake and get married again
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 07:12 AM
1

Not much you can do. She’s in the drivers seat. You know you messed up. Maybe suggest counseling with her. Trust is a hard thing to get back once it’s gone.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 06:45 AM
2

They don’t need to meet and for gods sake don’t do the blended family! Is a train wreck in the making
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 04:38 AM
8

There are little settle hints and signs of her potential over the years. Think about it
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 04:37 AM
6

The child transportation is huge. Something I failed at securing
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 10:25 PM
1

Because getting divorced is terrible. Only one thing worse. So you can look back and tell yourself you tried everything you could.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 10:12 PM
1

Keep an open mind during therapy. Don’t go in guns a blazing. Be honest and try your best
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 09:10 PM
1

Yes she would get the amount invested during the marriage and any interest made on that money during the marriage. She would more than likely get a lump sum pulled from the account. I assume this is similar to a 401k
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 01:41 PM
1

Is it a mutual split? One of you can go file to start the process no lawyer is required.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 01:40 PM
4

They are trying to be supportive. You’re lucky to have a group of people that care about you. A lot of people have no support. Feel loved and supported
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 11:30 AM
3

You’re seeing light at the end of the tunnel and peace. Your current feelings don’t mean they won’t change. You’re likely to go back and forth outta the grief process. All which is normal.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 11:28 AM
1

After 10 years of marriage she’ll get the same social security benefits as you. Won’t affect your benefits but she’ll get the same. She’ll get half of your pension and most likely half of everything. Half the debt will usually fall on her also. Possibly have to pay her lawyer fees also. But this all depends if you can settle on an agreement where she’ll take less. Sorry not what you wanna hear I’m sure
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 11:26 AM
2

Think about the mediator they can save a lot of money but I get it if you’re done with her. Sometimes it gets to the point to just let the lawyers go at it but it can get expensive
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 02:38 AM
4

Have you talked to a Dr or counselor about this? Six years probably shouldn’t be still having this dream. You need to find closure and move on. This is unhealthy for you
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 02:33 AM
6

Recording you without your consent in privacy won’t be held up in court. Don’t make anymore offers to her. Let the lawyers handle it. Obviously tell your lawyer she’s recording you. Hopefully attorneys will talk and it will stop
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 02:16 AM
2

Thank you I’m all booked!
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 05:11 PM
2

True story
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 07:00 PM
9

Now all of you don’t make the same mistake and get married again
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:36 PM
9

Looks come and go. It’s about her personality and heart that matter.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:35 PM
2

Call suicide hotline right now
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 09:41 AM
5

I made the mistake of marrying a second time after being single for ten years after the first divorce. I guess I didn’t learn anything because I got the same result. I’d be reluctant to even live with anyone again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 09:01 AM
2

Yes I went to mediation. The court gave us two hours to come to term or we were going to trial. Trial dates were about a year out so I wanted to settle and we did that day
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 08:58 AM
2

I lived with ex for over a year. It was very difficult. Not sure if she was dating and didn’t try to find out. I stayed clear of her the best I could
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 12:53 PM
1

I’m in the same loop and I’m the one that filed. She wants to date again but we have talked a couple times it ends in fighting.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 12:51 PM
1

Why do you need permission?
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 11:16 AM
1

It will get better
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 02:24 PM
5

Peace is the perfect word. That’s all I want now. Yes I’ve found it
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 12:50 PM
8

Took me ten years to even date after my first divorce. Second marriage lasted 4 years. I’m done single for life now
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 12:03 PM
8

Why are you talking about her dates? Keep it about the kids that’s it
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 01:33 PM
4

It’s his mom. Would you ever tell your mom no? I would never
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/26 11:14 AM
2

Yes otherwise you wouldn’t be getting a divorce. Wait till the money gets involved
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 01:45 PM
1

She maybe entitled to some of the proceeds of the car he is selling if he gets a profit. Since they are both still married. But yes keep the car in your name
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 01:44 PM
1

What does your lawyer say about you continuing to give her monthly checks? No you can’t lock her out that’s a huge no no. So just talk through lawyers or emails. Gray rock her
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 10:28 PM
1

My situation was 20 years ago
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 06:34 PM
1

I had kids around 5 or so during handoffs. It was very volatile at first. I had to have my mom come with me each time. To protect my self and false allegations
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 06:22 PM
1

The kids will be fine and adjust easier then you will. Get your 50/50 now
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 01:32 PM
1

Usually the lawyers and the court coordinate when everyone can get together. I’d tell your lawyer your situation and see what he can do.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 12:51 PM
1

Why aren’t you taking the papers? It is what it is. Eventually they’ll publish it or just get a judge. If he or she doesn’t want you why would you want to stay married?
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 03:36 PM
1

Every normal person knows there’s three sides to every story. The truth usually lies in the middle. I have no idea what’s going on behind people doors.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 05:08 PM
1

Actually I have a harder time at night. Going into work my mind is busy with my job and at night I’m thinking about her
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 11:39 AM
3

It’s great go to sleep whenever you want. I can eat whatever I want. Walk around the house naked. I like living alone. Peace is the best for mental health
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 08:00 AM
2

I’d rather have a loving home for them. No fighting or arguing. It’s just a house put it in perspective
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 07:58 AM
2

Communication with your partner, therapy for yourself, counseling for you both. Last resort file if all else fails
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 06:40 PM
2

I had the same situation but I didn’t have to pay her the equality. I just gave her what she contributed into the house during the marriage:
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 02:47 PM
17

No benefit to marriage if you’re the higher earner. You have everything to lose
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 01:47 PM
1

Political views matter in a relationship in my opinion. Unless both people can understand the other’s point of view and be respectful. Now having children or not is a deal breaker in my view. Both parties will resent the other. If you’re already arguing now the future doesn’t look bright for your future together
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 12:35 PM
6

Gray rock her. Talk about the kids and that’s it. Everything else through the lawyer or email. It’s pointless to fight and argue at this point. I’ve been there it’s hell cohabitating going through a divorce. I did it for over a year pure hell
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 09:49 AM
2

File what are you waiting for? The clock is ticking if you’re the higher earner. It’s very disrespectful of her but you’re letting her do that. Why should she stop? You don’t say anything.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 09:16 AM
2

Choose peace lay off the women for awhile
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:45 AM
1

Take it as a time to baby your son and take care of him. Think your ex gives a shit about your house? Don’t fight the same battles you’ll lose
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:43 AM
1

Word of advice with your current relationship. Be careful with the blended family if you decide to move forward with this woman. Make sure you share the same parenting style especially with disciple.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 08:40 AM
2

You’re too invested in what she’s doing. You need to move on. People come into and out of your life it’s just how it is. People grow apart and want different things some time. Concentrate on your kids and yourself
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 05:36 PM
2

If they are in school it’s doubtful the judge will let her move 200 miles away. I’m sure she has her side of the story in this matter.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 12:43 PM
1

Unless there’s abuse the courts don’t care. You think they wanna see your app? What kind of custody do you want? 50/50? Most men get that now a days.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 12:17 PM
1

She probably checked out a long time ago. So sell the house and stay married? Remember the clock is ticking. If you’re the higher earner.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 11:44 AM
8

That’s why lots of people stay married it’s to expensive to get divorced. I don’t get life time alimony crap.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 12:29 AM
9

Why is she stopping by? Make a clean break no contact. Jus going to take longer to heal
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 10:26 PM
7

File immediately! Stop the clock
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 03:11 AM
1

South Carolina isn’t a great state to get divorced in if you’re the higher earner. Depending on how long you’ve been married they do have lifetime alimony. Unless the party remarries or dies. Length of marriage is important for this calculation. See a lawyer and see what you’re looking at.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 12:03 PM
5

It’s helped me get through mine. I jump back on to try and help others.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 08:12 AM
12

Oh I’m staying single! I have no desire to date again. No benefit to being married. I love the single life. No one to answer to. No women to complicate my life
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 05:07 AM
1

Looks likes she’s broken the trust you have. My first thought would be is it more then just texting? If you proceed are you willing to pay child support till 21 and lose half of everything? Exhaust all options to save the marriage
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 05:05 AM
2

Same my ss was into drugs, stole from me, broke into my house etc I reached my breaking point so I filed
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 11:49 PM
3

I dealt with the same blended family issues. If you and your spouse have different parenting styles the relationship is doomed. The children will never go away. 18 isn’t a magic number. I was so miserable with the blended family issues. Been divorced for three months. I’m so much happier now. Living separate may work for you. I would never blend family’s again.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 06:33 PM
3

What’s the cost breakdown of medical bills not coverage by insurance. How much are we talking? More than a lawyer will cost to fight this?
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 01:04 PM
2

Same thing happened in my first divorce. Ex went on the stand trying to prove cruel punishment. Trying to get more money. Judge for her down right away. They don’t wanna hear the crap.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 01:01 PM
1

I would interview a few different lawyers and get a feel for them. Yes you’re interviewing them. How many issues do you have ? Some divorces are cut and dry. Low at your state rules for pensions, alimony, and child support.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 05:45 PM
6

Search STDs online and look at some pics maybe that will curve your cravings
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 03:01 PM
1

That’s a good point for me to remember about not coming to terms with a certain issue. The same issue will just keep coming up over and over. Exactly what happened with my marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 01:08 PM
1

My ex wanted to remain married and just live apart. It was just for health insurance and a bigger piece of my pie
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 06:54 PM
3

I think your feelings are normal. Mine was finalized three months ago. I try to stay busy and focus on my health.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 03:44 PM
1

No contact just about kids if you have any. Just a waste of time with arguing. Let the lawyers handle it. You’re getting a divorce for a reason
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 02:20 PM
2

First thing that comes to my mind is financial. Are you the higher wage earner? Pension? Who carries the health insurance? The clock is ticking for one of you. The longer the more expensive it’s getting. If it’s not financial then maybe you each are waiting on the other to file. Both are avoiding it hoping it goes away.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 01:44 AM
4

Funny you say that I went to my settlement conference and my ex wife started to cry. The former judge a female shut her down right away. She said stop your crying to her this needs to get done. I was shocked and happy to hear it. We settled 2 hours later
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 03:48 PM
1

She can want all she wants it doesn’t work that way
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 03:36 PM
4

If you felt something for her after an hour that’s a problem. Newly divorced slow down. Do not get married again or rush into anything serious
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 03:31 PM
1

Move on
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 05:57 AM
1

I think this is pretty common when looking for a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 05:56 AM
7

Drama, control and to make your life a living hell
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/26 05:53 AM
3

Concentrate on your son and your well being. That part of your life is over it’s time to make a new one. People come and go it’s just how it is. Now your son is your priority. You need to get your head right. Seek a good counselor and get a support system.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 11:44 PM
2

Go to a couple lawyers and get a better idea what you’re looking at before you go to mediation.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 11:42 PM
1

No trust you have nothing then
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 03:23 PM
1

Thanks for responding I’m good the lawyer got back to me. The judgment of divorce incorporates the settlement agreement and all of its terms. There is no need for the judgment to recite everything in the agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 03:05 PM
1

Don’t let her control you. Delete all social media associated with her. Take control of your life. Move forward and better yourself. Why take time off of work? Stay busy and keep your mind working. Don’t let this consume your life. Everything changes nothing stays the same. Relationships come and go. This doesn’t define you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 12:37 PM
15

Taught me I need peace and quiet. I can’t live with others. Not to get married there’s no benefit for the higher earner.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 07:36 PM
6

I realize the older I get the more I want peace and quiet. It’s my life to control. I won’t let anyone again control it. My life is 3/4 over its statistics. I know what I want out of life now and what I don’t. Took me 50 years to figure that out. I don’t want drama, fighting or arguing. Don’t want step kids. I’ll never marry again nothing to gain from that. I’ve lost so much twice. I’ll date eventually but I’m not ready for that. I have to work on myself first. I want to be selfish. I come first…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 01:00 PM
2

lol visual popped in my head 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 11:33 AM
3

Pathetic
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 09:30 PM
3

I did get lonely for awhile then I started to home remodel. Making the house my own. I started different hobbies. More gardening, bonsai trees and Legos.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:12 PM
1

I gave everything to her when i left. Took me a good 10+ years to get out of that hole. Would I would I different prob not. I had four kids under 8.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 03:05 PM
1

It can be a long process and try to be patient. Listen to your lawyer and avoid conflict with her as much as possible. Be willing to compromise with her. Sometimes it’s cheaper then paying lawyers
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 11:41 AM
2

Stay away from her as much as possible. Take the kids places and stay busy. Interact with her about the kids that’s all. Don’t argue or fight let the lawyers handle it. When you start talking money the shit will hit the fan. Have your own private areas. Respect her and the home. Don’t be dating or having people around your kids of course. Listen to your lawyer take his advice. I lived with my ex for about a year. Not going to lie it was difficult. She was eventually forced to leave
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 11:16 AM
1

Get rid of the plants if you don’t want them around. Less stress you want simplicity and peace
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 09:46 AM
1

What’s your medical breakdown in your divorce decree? If you are responsible for all just pay for them most orthodontist take a payment plan. Work with the dentist don’t just give money to her. You know this money is going directly to your child. Teeth are so important. Hopefully she’ll contribute also. Both my kids I got braces for. Are medical breakdown was like 85/15 I took out payments and just paid it myself.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 09:19 AM
1

Was she ambitious at all when you married her? Maybe sit down and talk with her about your resentment. Seems she’s happy just floating along. Some people have no drive. Your resentment will just continue to grow. You’ll take a big hit financially if you file. Look at your state rules for alimony and talk to a lawyer to be an idea what you’ll be looking at.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 09:16 AM
1

Get a mediator it’s much cheaper. Put everything in writing especially with a child involved. Idc how well you guys get along. When money is involved and people start dating the claws come out. Put down exact custody time holidays? Birthdays, and who transports child. Then less arguing is involved
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 09:06 AM
2

Sorry it’s hard to deal with a new guy coming around your kids. Not much you can do about it unfortunately. Try to have a good relationship with ex because of the kids. Keep close tabs on them especially with guys around them. Part of the bs they pull during the divorce and after. I believe you shouldn’t have anyone around the kids unless it’s serious. Fortunately my ex didn’t pull that crap
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 09:01 AM
1

Mediator told me to get on the court docket could take a year or two. Motivated us both to settle. They gave us 2 hours to resolve it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 03:05 PM
6

I had the same emotions. I wanted her out of the house but when she left I missed her. Don’t just think of the good times. Ask yourself what will change? It’s a major adjustment. 20 years is a long time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 02:38 PM
3

I was 40 when I started dating again
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 01:06 PM
6

I didn’t date for 10 years then found myself ready to date.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 12:16 PM
1

Go by what the agreement says period end of story.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 11:01 AM
6

Do not engage with her unless absolutely necessary. Avoid conflict at all cost. It’s a no win stressful situation. Women love the drama. She can’t fight with herself. Research gray rock method. I worked for me. Talk about the kids nothing else. If she still wants to argue just agree with her and say as little as possible. Eventually she’s get tired of yelling and fighting alone. I know it’s hard not to engage but that’s what she wants.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 10:59 AM
1

I flew into lax and jumped onto a public bus. I went to Venice beach and walked the boardwalk all day. It was the most relaxing vacation I ever had. No stress or drama. I did whatever I wanted. I playing another lone trip to San Juan islands
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 10:54 AM
3

Love yourself and family first and foremost. Concentrate on yourself. You’re still young. Learn from your mistakes. No one is perfect. Don’t make the same mistake twice. You’re not ready to date. My first divorce I didn’t date for 10 years and I was fine with that. You’ll know when you’re ready
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 09:45 AM
3

Keep on keeping on. Stay busy and focus on the kids. I have regrets but just live and learn. Working a lot to pay off my debts from the divorce. I will not make the same mistake I can’t afford too. I want to retire someday. No interest in dating or leaving with anyone again
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 09:42 AM
9

She’s your ex move on
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 02:09 AM
9

Took me 10 years to get out of the hole
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 01:12 AM
1

Married close to 5 years. First was pretty good. Each year after that just got worse. I finally pulled the plug
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 07:56 PM
4

Do it asap! 49 you want another kid?
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 11:02 PM
5

When is she or you moving out? Just a matter of time until she wants to shack up with the guy
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 03:19 PM
3

I’d consult with an attorney first off. Each state is different. You can figure half your stuff is gone right away. Time with kids, 401k, pension, house and other material possessions. Everything can be negotiated though. Child support most states are 18 and some are 21. Figure 5-10 years or alimony. Each state has a calculator online to give you an example. Have to weight it out. I think to remember the clock is ticking the longer you wait the more money you’ll lose. Some people grin and bear i…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 04:43 PM
4

I threatened to file for divorce and she gave me a list of what she wanted me to change!!
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 09:10 PM
2

I payed cs for 15 years. Of course all the money doesn’t go to the child. What can you do about it nothing. Have to just keep telling yourself it’s for your child. If the child support is court ordered I wouldn’t stop paying that amount. Go to family court in Texas and get this taken care of. If you don’t want to deal with her then get your child support set. Call her school up and get all her records. Tell them you want all papers sent to you also. Do you have copy’s of her ss card and birth ce…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 03:32 PM
20

He was ballz deep in your wife during your marriage! wtf why are you talking to her?! Then she’s asking for you to met him. Are both of you insane
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 05:20 AM
6

I feel like lawyers from both sides talk privately. Both seem to stall the process and blame the other. As I watch my bill go up.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 03:00 PM
2

I was somewhat apprehensive before the wedding. A month later I knew I had made a mistake. Marriage lasted 5 years
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 04:48 PM
1

That’s good you settled so fast. I know this is extremely difficult. Took me a year but still packing her stuff up. As far as it getting easier I hope so. As far as financial go after it you can make it back
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 10:15 AM
5

Don’t refinance house first. Contact lawyer and serve her. They will direct you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 09:15 PM
2

Sit down and do the math. I worked it out so everything was wrapped into one. Alimony, 401k, house equity and misc. All in one lump sum
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 05:45 PM
2

You said your name is on the deed. Correct? If so it’s your house too. Idc what mortgage says
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 05:43 PM
9

I’ve been there man. Paid cs for 15 years. Payed alimony also. It does end and get better. See your kids as much as possible and better yourself. Now don’t be like me a dummy and get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 12:15 PM
3

Be an ear for him to vent. That was what I needed most during my divorce
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 04:51 PM
2

You called it
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 01:44 AM
4

At the meeting again her lawyer told my lawyer she doesn’t want the divorce. My ex still hasn’t attempted to contact me directly and tell me that. So how serious can she be if she hasn’t contacted me? She has 30 days to remove her belongings from my house so I’m sure she’s livid. It wasn’t about me it was about the house for her. I admit that stings but I have peace.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 01:35 AM
1

Abandonment
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 06:39 PM
2

Go home don’t leave your kids. Do not argue with your wife. Do not give her any ammunition. Go to counseling if you haven’t yet. Try everything before you file
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 01:46 PM
6

You never know what the future holds as far as custody. Kids go back and forth with parents as they become teenagers. All you can do is be involved in their lives as much as possible
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 01:44 PM
1

You should be ok then
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 03:04 AM
1

What state
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 01:00 AM
2

Ny state. No it was my house before marriage. No major improvements to the home during the marriage. Just had to pay her principle mortgage reduction. She stalled and changed lawyers
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 09:59 PM
-1

Sorry for your struggles
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 02:39 PM
4

That’s great! It feels good doesn’t it. I paid for 13 years. I finished 2 years ago
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 01:09 PM
-8

How about you communicate with your ex and see what’s going on? Don’t take the child from his father unless he’s neglected or in danger. Don’t be that person
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 01:08 PM
1

A year
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 03:56 AM
6

I don’t see this going well. A year you say?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 12:18 AM
3

I’m the one that filed. She wants to reconcile but I won’t. I know what you’re saying. I’ve worked on myself. We have no contact anymore. Like I said I miss the old her
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 03:42 PM
1

You can speed the process up some if you file first. The person can drag their feet more.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 03:33 PM
4

Certain things bothered me in the marriage. I let these things build up till I exploded. I let her treat me a certain way for far too long. Example when I could go to sleep. I could have treated her children better. I didn’t realize a blended family would be so difficult
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 04:49 PM
1

Same situation here. She’ll be in my life forever but my son comes first. I have no other option.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 01:30 PM
8

No contact no question about it. Why submit yourself too more punishment? She wants you to leave her alone so do it. You want to get arrested? Falsely accused or not. She doesn’t want you and has made it clear. Move forward with your life. I know it’s difficult but you have no other option
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 01:29 PM
3

No don’t agree to anything. Don’t let her claim the kids get that worked out also. Split the kids at least. Do you itemize each year or take standard deduction? That’s another factor. Let the court decide.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 01:06 PM
2

Try to call them everyday and ask them how their day was. I know it’s not the same but at least you stay apart of their lives. Custody always changes you never know where they will live in the future. They will go where the least resistance is
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/25 11:36 AM
6

Almost a year ago I filed we are finally meeting for a settlement conference.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 08:27 PM
1

No kids together. I make more so I’ll have to pay some alimony. Married 4 years.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 02:44 PM
11

Having an ex with mental health issues that won’t give up. No matter how far you run she’ll find you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 12:58 PM
1

Thanks for replying giving your opinions, and sharing your experiences. I’m convinced nothing will change.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 12:44 PM
1

Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 12:41 AM
1

So you went back to her?
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 02:42 PM
2

She said nothing to me. We’ve been no contact for a couple months now. Not once has she said she loves me and misses me.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 08:04 PM
5

Yeah I think you’re right. Not once has she said she missed me.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 07:04 PM
3

I think I’ll try that and see how that works out.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 05:25 PM
1

I had to google shit test. Never heard of it
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 04:47 PM
1

I could handle very little. I think one small thing would send me into orbit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 04:45 PM
5

Hell no
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 01:49 PM
2

I’m starting to think with my situation it’s the lawyers prolonging the process. Been almost a year with no progress. I’m no contact with my stbxw. She can take whatever she wants from the house. Nothing really to fight over. No kids and cut and dry
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 01:11 PM
3

Percent of popular that are concerned narcissist is extremely low but everyone on these forums is married to one. Maybe have a couple of the same characteristic but it’s highly unlikely they are.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 05:11 PM
1

No idea of the rules in Scotland. Contact a lawyer for a consult. He will tell you what you’re looking at
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 12:16 PM
9

It’s money and life style plan and simple. You have no choice find a lawyer for a consult to start. The longer this goes on the money it will cost. Sorry this is happening
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 12:13 PM
6

I know it’s hard but move forward and live your life. This will drive you mad. Nothing you can do.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 11:58 AM
4

Will she do counseling? If not file. I think she leaves you no choice. Both realize you’ll lose half of everything. Get an attorney. She can’t say it more bluntly she doesn’t want you
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 11:55 AM
2

My ex did all things to try and guilt me including suicide
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 01:29 PM
2

It’s normal. I’m going through it now. Work on yourself. Start a new hobby. It’s important to stay busy. I lost weight, bought a three wheeler im restoring, and spending more time with kids. I even bought a couple Lego sets lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 12:56 PM
4

It’s the marital home you don’t have to move out. It doesn’t matter who bought the house! Do not move out. Do not raise your voice to her or argue. She maybe recording you.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 12:53 PM
1

Longer you keep her the more expensive it will get for you. After 10 years shut your mouth and just stay
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 06:01 PM
15

Took me 15 years after my first divorce to get back what I had financially . Not much you can do. I took care of my kids and that’s my job. Keep your head down and keep working
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 03:27 PM
2

You don’t it’s over
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 02:50 PM
3

I hear you but don’t get there
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 01:13 AM
3

Sounds like alot of work
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 06:25 PM
2

You can’t afford the house now. What about after alimony and child support. So you’ll probably have to sell it if you get divorced anyway. Sounds like blended family those are tough
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 01:32 PM
1

I’m going to keep mine after divorce is finalized and see how it feels. If I feel I need to move on from it I will.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 09:25 AM
2

Hence that’s why I made the comment no kids together helps
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 01:54 PM
6

I’m cohabitating as well. I don’t care what she says to me. I ignore her. It took months but she finally leaves me alone.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 11:00 AM
2

Yeah that makes it tough. Hopefully setting some boundaries
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 09:56 AM
3

Depends on the other figures. Need to see the whole story. 401k, pensions, house value etc
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 07:27 AM
8

It’s all nice until lawyers get involved. Friends will start chipping in her ear. Any deals you made are luckily to be thrown to the wayside.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 07:26 AM
5

Working as much as I can. I’m eating better and losing weight. Honestly now I’m getting depressed again. It’s a whole life style change.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 01:18 PM
5

I don’t regret getting far away from the step kids. I do miss certain things about her but they don’t out way the bad stuff
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 11:48 AM
1

The more you push the issue about meeting the guy the more the ex is going to push back. Give it time. I know what you’re trying to do but it’s a losing battle for you. I’m sorry it’s just how it is.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 06:24 PM
4

No way don’t 100%! Why invite troubles?
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 02:46 PM
5

Does the situation stink of course it does. Will it get better probably not. You need to prepare yourself. Eventually the kids will have a relationship with whoever your ex is with. They will all do stuff together as a unit. You’ll be left out. It’s hard to sit back and watch. All you can do is be in their lives as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 02:39 PM
7

I don’t care what she’s saying at this second. People will start chirping in her ear. This is financial war treat it as such.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 02:24 PM
8

Don’t get married again and if you do get a lockdowned prenup
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 08:54 AM
6

Money
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 08:50 AM
2

I have no idea what she’s after. I made an offer but no counter yet
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 01:53 PM
3

Oh god
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 01:09 PM
2

No kids and little assets
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 01:03 PM
2

Her lawyer hasn’t responded to my offer. Lawyers are meeting next week in court. Guess I don’t need to be there. I know my stbxw is dragging her feet. She doesn’t want the divorce. Hoping courts tell her lawyer to start moving.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 12:53 PM
3

Congrats. I’m nine months in and it’s dragging along
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 01:55 PM
1

She’s entitled to it. It’s called a qdro formula. Years worked divided by years married while working there. There are sites where you can plug the into a calculator. It will tell you the amount. But this can we excluded from the divorce if you can work it out another way. Check with your state for exact rules.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 12:51 PM
2

Moving forward I wouldn’t give her anymore ammunition. Don’t send her text messages. Go as much no contract as possible. Money will be involved now and things will start to escalate more. Speak to your attorney or retain one.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 12:23 PM
1

You know she’s laughing at you behind your back right? Move on stop the bs! She’s getting off on this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 01:03 PM
1

Looking back of course I could have been a better husband. Yes some of it was my fault. Did I cheat no. Ever physical with her no. Did she hit me yes. I think if you can admit you did anything wrong you have issues yourself. My first divorce my ex finally admitted some of it was her fault. 16 years after the fact she finally said it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:32 PM
4

Get a consultation from a lawyer before you do anything. He’ll go over the assets you will lose probably 1/2 or everything. Don’t trust your wife don’t talk about money. It will be war when you file. Whatever she says don’t believe her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 12:34 PM
1

Blended family was a nightmare for me. My marriage ended because of it. Think long and hard. The kids will never be gone
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 12:30 PM
2

Took my kids till their late teens to have their eyes opened. The will learn the truth. It will all come out.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 12:28 PM
1

Considered marital property till divorce is over
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 11:56 AM
2

Yes I filed. She even tried to commit suicide. More manipulative behavior
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 11:56 AM
1

Thank you I appreciate it
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 11:55 AM
5

Thanks all I want is peace. She just wants drama
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 05:08 PM
1

No kids involved. Can’t change the locks yet
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 04:48 PM
3

Yeah lawyer said to not change the locked yet. Still considered martial home. She just comes around to be noisy and mess with me. Hoping this is over by the end of the year
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 04:48 PM
3

Blended family
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 09:25 PM
1

This is a business transaction now. The battle for money is starting. Close your mouth and talk to your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 03:22 PM
9

Tattoo this on your forehead. Don’t make the same mistake twice like myself. I waited 10 years after the first one was over. It ended with same results
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 10:01 AM
3

Tough having no contact with kids involved. I know divorce is extremely difficult with kids involved. Eventually your goal should be to co parent as best as you can. Until things settle down continue no contact unless it’s concerns your children. I myself have up days and down days. I think the roller coaster is normal. The process is very long. I’m still going through it cohabitating. Hang in there
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/25 09:04 AM
1

That it’s a long process
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 01:31 AM
2

It’s about financials now. She’s not your friend.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 08:37 AM
3

My house I’m not leaving
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 08:36 AM
3

Exactly the process is overwhelming. I’m stuck in time and can’t move on. I see her almost everyday
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 09:38 AM
3

Yeah I think it’s more about the house and lifestyle then me at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 09:37 AM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 02:14 PM
3

The house is mine and she’ll have to eventually leave. But she won’t leave until she’s forced to
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 02:03 PM
3

Honestly it’s going to be hard. It took me ten years to get out of the hole. Biggest word of advice do not put yourself in the same situation again!
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 12:36 PM
3

Get a sock
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/25 04:36 PM
1

I’d be more mad at him then at her
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 04:49 PM
2

That’s dirty of both of them. But you had to know when you get divorced the other spouse is going to date. Others move on faster than others and some of them move on during. Keep your kids close and concentrate on yourself
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 12:45 PM
4

Maybe 15 years life will be good
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 01:59 AM
4

What?!
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 02:19 AM
2

Do you think your wife will want 50/50 custody or less?
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 06:27 PM
2

Just to be difficult. Mine did the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 06:25 PM
2

I’m cohabitating it’s not ideal to say the least. I’m waiting for her to move out but she won’t go until judge tells her. I try to avoid her as much as possible. If I wasn’t keeping the home I would have moved out by now.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 01:16 AM
1

That will help some
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:29 PM
1

Does she have any college degree or skills? Most states it’s a simple formula with a little desecration by the judge at least in my state.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:07 PM
2

10 months isn’t a crazy amount of time. Guess if you feel you’re ready get out there. I waited 10 years and wish i would of waited 10 more
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 03:44 PM
-2

Don’t fight the fight. Millions of guys have fought and lost. You pay she does whatever she wants with it. Ahh just stop right there it’s not fair, etc. Just tell yourself it’s for your kids. Yes she’ll have a new car, clothes, maybe even a watch for the new bf. Nothing you can do! Just bend over. It’s frustration I know I’ve been there. Say this over and over in your head. It’s for the kids. Then the extras will come. Try to have a good relationship with your ex. Offer to pay half of extras. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 11:34 PM
2

Yes! Same thing happened to me. Get the servers contact information then call him to serve when you are both home. Answer the door let him in she’s served. Don’t be nice no more games! I had to do the same. She didn’t answer the door she changed her whole schedule around but I got her
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 02:03 PM
6

And the convict!
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 02:00 PM
4

It’s tough to go through alone. Reach out to a family member or counselor. As far as other people and their marriages. You have no idea what’s going on with them behind closed doors. Just because they are married doesn’t mean it’s necessarily great. Yes divorce is hard but put it in perspective. I’m going through a divorce right now. I lost my son 13 years ago. Now that’s something I’ll never get over.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/25 01:02 PM
1

Yes but she won’t admit any
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 11:17 PM
1

We are cohabitating. That’s the problem she won’t leave. I meant she will leave me be and won’t harass me. Then the next day she’s nice to me and it starts all over.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 11:17 PM
6

My state you pay until your 21 be thankful it’s only 18
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 03:47 PM
2

Perfectly put!
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 03:16 PM
3

How will she prevent you from seeing your kids? Where do you plan on moving to?
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/25 09:15 PM
1

Where I live rent is more than buying a house. Maybe find something smaller
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 04:34 PM
15

First marriage I had little kids so I didn’t want them to leave the family house. I signed a quit claim dead. It was very hard for me to buy another house for a few years. Bank wouldn’t let me off the mortgage. Lawyer failed to tell me that
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 05:01 PM
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