A couple of years ago, I had a crush on a woman from my hometown. We share the same faith. She is a single mom in her late 30s, beautiful, and I am 8 years older than her. At the time, she was engaged to a guy in another country. She drove 2 days with her kids and furniture to move there. She fully relocated her life more than once. She used most of her savings to support him. According to him, she invested over 70k into him through cash, gifts, business support, and covering expenses. That level of investment really concerns me.

2 weeks before their wedding, everything fell apart. She came back home. About 8 months later, we started dating.

What I later found out is that she was still in contact with him and having emotional and romantic conversations with him just days before we became official and got engaged. After we got married, he sent long emails claiming their relationship was more than an engagement and that they were basically living like husband and wife. He also said they were involved in a kink dynamic. That shocked me.

Now she is very attentive and tries hard to please me. But I have noticed red flags. She hid parts of the story. I discovered some things through his emails. In our faith community, everyone is against him even though most of them have never met him. It feels one sided. He seems to be doing well financially and living in a big city. Meanwhile, she poured money into him and now he is succeeding after she left.

We moved very fast. We started dating in September, applied for a marriage license in November, and married in early December. 3 months total.

She has anxious attachment and struggles with anxiety. She comes from a dysfunctional family. I am divorced. She is divorced.

I love her, but I do not fully trust her. I keep asking myself if I married her in the honeymoon phase. Did I rush this? Was 3 months too fast? Did I fall for beauty and emotion instead of clarity?

The money, the secrecy, the intensity, the quick marriage, the emails, and the past dynamic all make me question whether I really knew what I was stepping into.

I need real perspective.