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greenappletw Archive

View 4 posts and 281 comments by greenappletw on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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9

This book explains it way better than I ever can: https://www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that-pdf Everyone should read it imo. Chapter 13 explains why and how men become abusive. They're not all mentally ill or dealing with trauma. Lundy Banncroft says that it's an illness of values and not psychology. Meaning he learns from his family, his culture, his upbringing, from the media, to not value women in a normal way. As a boy, he learns to expect all women to be subservient sex slaves for h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 06:03 PM
12

Omg that makes me so sick. I think abusive men are all inherently the same. They have the same motivations (degrade the woman), but they use different methods to get there. In our society right now, physical abuse is easier for us to fight against, although it's no where near perfect. We can take pictures of bruises and most people are socialized to admit that it's wrong to punch their wife. So what do modern abusive men do? Turn to degrading women through sex and emotional abuse. Violent sex, d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 05:29 PM
13

Men were already much more likely to be narcissistic, and now with social media and current culture, the number has no doubt gone way up. Dr. Ramani, an expert of narcissism, calls it a modern pandemic. Best thing we can do is study the shit out of how to detect it. Like maybe 50% of the guys I've ever dated have shown the signs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 05:15 PM
4

Girl please learn basic literacy or how to interact with people or something. You sound legitimately insane. Did you miss the sarcasm in OP's tone? You never heard "good luck with that" used in a sarcastic way? It's a very common phrase I assure you. She's not celebrating him in any way. She does not genuinely feel bad for him. The man told her his intentions, she turned him down and moved on. That's it. And she made a post here just to tell us that men like him aren't having luck finding a fuck…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 12:43 AM
8

I mean how else is she supposed to know where he stands? It's not like she can figure out what his intentions are without interacting with him first. And she didn't let anything drag on or make any concessions to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 08:42 PM
19

I love it! There definitely has been a shift recently towards women being upfront and unapologetic about what they want. And women starting to undo the damage that third wave feminism has done; in dating, porn and sex work, makeup culture, all of it. Last year I talked to a guy who said something similar. He wanted to go the "wait and see" approach because that's what he's comfortable with. And I was like sorry but I need upfront conversations and actions toward commitment from the start. He sai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 08:38 PM
32

Wow that's extremely eye opening and sad for us all. Now I'm thinking of all the stress around having a baby that originates from men: needing to "bounce back" asap physically, worrying about cooking and cleaning for another judgemental adult, worrying about his emotions and and how he's boding with the baby, worrying about if he's one of those men that act out after birth because he lost your attention, worrying about sex and birth control, etc. There was a r/relationships thread a few years ag…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 11:21 PM
11

That's really sad
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 05:16 PM
11

If a man sounds like a libfem drone, that's the red flag The key things about their ideology are the Lack of accountability ("my ex hurt me, I can't trust you" "I was never taught to do that" "it's not my job to protect you since women and men are equal now" "you should've told me in advance not to do that") Complete denial of reality ("marriage is just a piece of paper" "sex workers are liberated" "why would you be hurt thst I asked for a threesome?") At this point, they've circled back to maki…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 03:56 PM
3

Yeahh that's exactly it The thing about brainwashed women like that is that, yeah I can feel sympathy for them. But they are almost never harmless. Like they'll be the ones encouraging other women to make the same dumb decision and they always play "devil's advocate" for abusers in any female space they're invited to. At some point, you're an adult and you're going to be open to criticism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 01:05 AM
7

I highly recommend that any woman who's dating study up on the psychology behind abusive, narcissistic, sadistic, pychopathic, avoidant men. Go more based off that than the arbitrary rules here. Rules here are a good starting point, but they're not really based off research and expert advice. Dr. Ramani and Dr. Todd Grande on YouTube are two good resources. So is any book by Lundy Bancroft (you can find free pdfs online) So what I learned is that generally the mask starts slipping after 3-4 mont…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 05:36 PM
1

You're right, the concept of pick mes is a brand new one in this sub and there's absolutely no correlation between their pathetic boot kicking behavior and the current state of western white feminism. Grow up and take some accountability for your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 03:53 PM
9

Very sorry to went through that But 6 weeks is really nothing to tell what kind of man he is. It's easy as fuck to hide red flags in that time. What he did is sociopathic behavior and not everyone is capable of it. You guys are going to shoot yourselves in the foot if you believe that all men are like this, because that's when you give yourself real low expectations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 02:50 PM
7

The divorced friend is bitter with no common sense, she should keep quiet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 02:39 PM
14

Unpopular opinion, but outside of cases of grooming, I really don't feel bad for women who date much older men. They get exactly what they sign up for and they're always the ones encouraging other old men to creep on us because "age is just a number." They can sleep in the bed they made for themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 01:19 AM
30

Cheating is a form of emotional abuse [Lundy Bancroft] You have to apply the same exact rules to them that you do to wife beaters. Does a man beat his wife and then respect her when she forgives him? Fuck no. It's the same with an affair, which many argue is more hurtful than physical abuse. Don't let the popularization of side chick culture gaslight you out of seeing the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 01:05 AM
5

Mr Rogers is a fatherly type of figure to anyone who watched his show, so he's not the best example. But I would marry someone with that personality for sure. Men like that usually have a good backbone and they are inherently secure in themselves, which is what allows them to be so gentle with their wives and anyone weaker. In contrast, the arrogant loud fuckboys of the world are really insecure and weak inside....nothing to really respect there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 01:41 PM
24

She won't have to, he's getting ready to leave her soon. For her sake I hope it happens before she moves with him. It is always a blessing in disguise to be dumped by LVM though. And it sounds like they have no kids which is great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 02:57 AM
42

Men are very very aware of their superficial place in the world. They're not like successful women who have imposter syndrome or beautiful women who downplay their looks. A lot of them legit think an advanced degree or 6 figure salary means they are above any and everybody. My brother recently got his doctorate and legit came home expecting my parents to treat him like their new king. He went as far as to get abusive with them when they didn't fall over themselves to please him. Let alone how he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 02:55 AM
48

Damn it all made sense when she said residency. He graduated and he's ready to upgrade her. The way she's talking, I would really question her intelligence. But that's exactly what years of gaslighting does to people. It should be a huge red flag to women when their med school boyfriends refuse to commit. I'm south asian and it's not even a question in our circles that when a guy is stringing a girlfriend along before/during med school, he WILL dump her after. You need a ring or you need to move…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 02:43 AM
7

Lol yeah sometimes if you're really busy, that's how it can get especially on weekdays. It's all relative though and should be judged on a case by case basis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 10:50 AM
11

After they ask for my number, I just say I don't like texting and tell him to call me instead. You get a better sense of who he is that way and waste less time. Plus a good number of millennial guys are not comfortable on the phone. That means: It throws them off their game if they are just looking for a hookup with generic lines and lies It lets them show, relatively early, if they will put the extra effort in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 10:48 AM
66

Lmaooo this post killed me Taking a phone to the bathroom isn't necessarily a red flag. But you're right, inconsideration like needlessly locking up the only bathroom for an hour IS a red flag. That's what my narcissistic brother always used to do when we were growing up, especially in the mornings before school. Everyone had to arrange his sleep schedule around him. Little selfish things like that can often point to bigger problems in how he views others. Another example would be if he's the ty…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 10:40 AM
54

Honestly I think it feeds something unhealthy in these women. It reminds me of those mothers who have Munchausen Syndrom and pretend their children are sick just so they can have the rush and power of being a caretaker. Not all cases of course, but probably a good number of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 09:53 AM
62

Yeah I never understood the appeal of that storyline. The guy had everything going for him, then lost it all, then the timid heroine got her chance to catch his attention while he was depressed? So weird on so many levels It's like the female version of the NiceGuy fantasy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 09:48 AM
10

Women go as far as to call you call you controlling and imply abuse just if you don't want your partner watching porn......the same porn that normalizes abuse, rape, pedophilia, and runs off exploitation and human trafficking. Third wave feminists are completely deluded and honestly lost for good after a certain age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 08:35 AM
27

Yeah I sometimes feel bad because I clock red flags for narcissm and abusive personalities on the first date, maybe even in the first real conversation. So I end up rejecting over 50% of the guys I talk to based just off that. And that's after I filter for the more superficial stuff, so these guys all appear to be great catches to outsiders. Which sounds insane to a lot of people. But then again.. ..the numbers sort of do add up. Over 50% of men do prove to be LVM eventually. I'd rather look pic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 08:32 AM
58

Yeah I always say that if I end my doing the majority of the work myself, I'm keeping the majority of my salary in my own account as well. The key to that is don't lock yourself into a big mortgage or high rent place early in your marriage. Live well below your means until you have money saved up. I have a cousin who started off with a great marriage, but now looks miserable because she has kids, a high mortgage, a demanding job, a husband that expects her to do 50/50 financially and 90/10 at ho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 08:15 AM
13

Who is this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 08:06 PM
39

What I never understood is how is not not considered creepy and pathetic to watch other people have sex? Aren't they all cucks lmao Peeping Toms were always rightfully reviled in society. But taking advantage of leaked celebrity nudes isn't? It's degenerate behavior at it's core, idk how so many women excused it in their partners.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 08:03 PM
12

I really can't accept that as an excuse, sorry. In this situation, the father was clearly a decent role model so if the boy wanted to learn, he would have. When my own brother was around 18, I remember he used to not let his friends who had a crush on me even enter the house while I was home. That's really basic empathy stuff that either comes naturally or it doesn't. On top of that, young men are subjected to a tiny fraction of awfulness compared to girls half their age. Why make excuses for th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 05:13 PM
4

I mean if that's what you're used to, I guess it would seem normal to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 05:02 PM
14

No offense but stop making excuses. That's disgusting and if your have a son, you'll raise the same type with that attitude. Girls are 12 on average, dealing with adult creeps head on. A 18 year old in his own house can say something or he can maybe on make a scene about it at home when his dad takes action for him. What's the excuse for him threatening to move out?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 04:49 PM
12

Damn you're really going the lord's work 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 04:18 AM
36

Omg not only that, but college guys would regularly date high school underclassmen. This was in nyc in the early 2010s Crazy how we just accepted it was normal! I remember when I was 15, a family friend who was at least a senior in college used to try and flirt with me. I was uncomfortable but didn't realize just how creepy that was. On a positive note, girls these days are better informed. They still get preyed on, but now they have their friends calling it out and telling the guidance counselo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 03:06 PM
69

I've heard of situations where ex husbands try to use pictures and videos to blackmail the wife into staying with him. Not just that, what if either of your phones get stolen or hacked? Why take the risk? Why would a good husband ever want you to take that risk?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 10:43 AM
34

It's all deliberate with them, with the purpose of starting an abusive relationship. One guy I dated acted very interested on the first date, almost intimidated. Then on the second date he tried to flip the script and started acting like we've been together for decades and he was tired of my shit. So I went home and turned down his offer for a 3rd date. IMMEDIATE gushing, romantic sounding responses, paragraph replies and emojis to my one word responses, etc. It only solidified my reasons for du…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 10:38 AM
34

Exactly False time pressure is exactly what gets a lot of smart women blinding themselves to red flags and ending up in abusive situations. That's your life at stake. Stop worrying about what anyone else thinks. It's not a coincidence that these stigmas originate from red pill thinking men. We don't gain anything from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 10:39 AM
41

I suss out LV behavior fairly quick and it really bothers guys I’ve dated Bc to them it seems like I’ve dropped them for no solid reason or little things (and they will continue saying that all their lives and stay mad), but it’s really because I thought ahead if he could treat me like this now, what about during pregnancy? Same!! I put a lot of importance on little things at first. Tone of voice in a tense situation, tiny displays of annoyance or anger, etc. I'm not here to correct anyone's beh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 09:15 AM
288

Right after having a baby is when a lot of women I know decided to open their eyes and leave their husband. And they all end up much happier for it. Part of it is because trash men often wait for big milestones like marriage and pregnancy to show more of their real personality. That's obviously a scary position to find yourself in. Another BIG part is because women are systematically taught to value themselves so little, that they think they have to put up with disgusting behavior. They value th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 09:10 AM
11

I meant in the context of what men think of course And tbh men as a whole never cared about children (heirs) for the sake of love. It's undeniably a way to get and retain power in our society, even today. Anderson Cooper, a Vanderbilt, had a baby just the other day. You won't find many powerful men without children for a reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 01:44 PM
22

Very sorry about your experience with the ex! I think it goes back to: Biologically we are the weaker sex and we also hold their futures in our hands. No man can have children or a family unless he finds a woman to let him. They're incensed that we have this huge power over them while having the nerve to look inferior. This causes insecurity, fear, and anger directed at us. In order to justify their insecurity driven retaliation (abuse, rape, oppression), they dehumanize us The dehumanizing and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 01:00 PM
103

That's a good theory though: let him tell you what he expects a relationship to look like before you give him your stance on anything That's what I always do.....I'm always Miss Understanding and Nonjudgemental at first until I figure out who he really is as a person. Too many men pretend to be what you want only to flip the script once you're attached. Men also crave emotional intimacy and acceptance in general (they lack it in their friendships), so they open up surprisingly fast if you give t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 06:45 AM
31

Same. The weirdest places too. At costco while I was with my dad, at the doctors, in front of my own house. Mind you, I wear a hijab so I might was well be wearing a burka. Men are more bold recently. I always say that it will take maybe 2 hours after society collapses before men revert back to mass rape and all that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 09:06 AM
32

If you try to prove you're nice in your dating profile, 0% chance you're nice. No one sane thinks to put something that basic up. One time I swiped right on an ugly guy just because his profile talked about charity and his nice flowery values. Within 2 texts, he proved to be the saltiest, meanest motherfucker I've ever talked to personally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 08:56 AM
64

This is another case of why you can't treat men like women. OP's wife was selfless and loving to the elderly lady. The elderly lady returned it in full. The man though is ready to take legal actions aka divorce her if she doesn't hand over half. I would bet that the wife has codependency issues. You can get away with being too nice and giving around your sisters and female friends. You cannot get away with it when it comes to men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 04:51 AM
2

In modern times, with the state of social media and pick mes, a lot of them don't even develop the awareness to hide their motives anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 04:44 AM
3

Glad I could help! I recomend Dr Ramani and Surviving Narcissim on YouTube. Also the FDS advice of keeping a journal with observations while dating is a godsend in catching micro red flags very early on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 04:40 AM
5

Sameeee The narc I dated last summer....literally dated him a week after I had a big blow out fight with a narcissistic relative and decided to cut them off for good. Normally, he wouldnt have gotten past my standards for going on a date. It makes me feel a little dumb now, but we all make mistakes and the important thing is that those mistakes don't become permanent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 04:37 AM
18

He's right about one thing. Deep insecurity in men is what turns them into monsters. Wife beaters, rapists, cheaters, pedophiles.....all from a deep rooted insecurity and a need to feel powerful. If most men feel like that then what does that say 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 06:52 PM
34

Yup. Most middle aged men are miserable for a reason. A lot of the younger ones too. Women should drop men like that, but we would be miserable if we became empty and cruel like them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 06:47 PM
52

He sounds like a classic narcissist. From their courtship: He invited me out for ice cream. I said yes, but then blew him off with a note on my dorm-room door. Several hours later, my head bent over my Spanish text in an overheated room in the student center, I heard a polite cough behind me. Elon was smiling awkwardly, two chocolate-chip ice cream cones dripping down his hands. He's not a man who takes no for an answer. Crossing boundaries. This is exactly why I broke it off with a narc very ea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 02:19 PM
1

What mother even puts up with this behavior?? When you baby a man more than you would a dog or your own child.... Insane how low the standards are
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 01:36 PM
16

Stopped second guessing myself. I was always a good judge of character, but there's sooo much junk surrounding who a woman should date, that I would agonize over being being too "picky." Getting rid of the scarcity mindset and the idea of that I need to be married before 30. I literally need to step 1 foot outside of my house and before getting hit on by men. It's comical how often it happens. The idea that in a few years, I'll suddenly be undesirable just for being a bit older is a huge reach. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 12:33 PM
25

Yeah it puts me off a lot when on day 2 they're already sending "good morning beautiful" texts. It feels like pushing a boundary, faking intimacy, before the relationship even gets there. Manipulative. Although I noticed that there are 2 types of guys who aren't that free with looks based compliments: HVM who try to get to know you as a person and wait for an appropriate time in the relationship to comment on your appearance. But before that, it's obvious they're into you physically. LVM who are…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 09:32 AM
10

I wouldn't call them pickmeisha at that age wtf If you're 11-14 and "fast," that's not a personal failing of the girl. That's usually a huge parental failure and a sign of trauma in the worst case situation. At that age, ANY child is going to crave parental and family attention. If they don't get it at home, they are going to try and get peer acceptance instead. That's natural for their age. A lot of these girls definitely learn healthy boundaries by high school or college. And inversely, a lot …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 05:53 AM
21

And you can tell from the first date what his mindset is concerning porn. Even if he stays respectable and within the lines, there's a certain way these men talk to and look at women that gives them away. It's subtle, but that's where gut feeling comes in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 10:49 PM
82

Honestly never thought of that. But imagine your entire gender consists of mostly narcissists and abusers 😬 No wonder HVM usally hang out with their families instead
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 07:28 AM
17

That's exactly how my brother developed into a full blown narc and abuser as an adult. It's funny to see it happen right before your eyes, because that way you know there's no excuse and no changing these types of people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 12:50 AM
31

Childishness or just plain old narcissisim Or both
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 11:46 PM
41

Better to leave these men altogether. But for anyone stuck, the way to deal with it is stop giving him massages and instead schedule your own spa days regularly for professional massages. No reason to live without in this society.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 11:44 PM
30

Yeah, being valued and built up at home is the easiest way to ensure that your daughter marries a good man. It's surprising how many people don't understand this. My own mom is a narcissist and when I was grey rocking and distancing myself from her, she could not understand why of course. One time when she confronting me again about it, I asked her straight up if I had a husband who treats me the way she tries to treat me, would she be happy about it? Wouldn't that be an abusive relationship? Th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 11:01 PM
2

Take your time! Doesn't hurt to research in the meantime I also dated one of those guys with a victim mentality and I think the main difference between him and a HVM is that the HVM has inner peace. Everyone has problems in their lives but HVM deal with it in a healthy way and don't care so much about outside opinion. I think maybe charming is another way to hide deep insecurities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 09:14 PM
3

How we wanted to raise a family and our lifestyles basically. We are muslim so level of practicing can become sort of a big deal. Have you seen Dr. Ramani on YouTube? She's a psychologist who focuses a lot on narcissistic partners. One thing she said that stood out to me is that she advises women to go for the calm, stable, slightly awkward guy and run from Mr. Charming. I didn't get it at first but I trusted her in general and followed that rule. I was talking to 2 guys at first. One was very h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 08:59 PM
21

It's important to apply this to every area of your life.....parents, siblings, friends, coworkers. How you let everyone else treat you is how you will let your man will treat you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 08:04 PM
39

Aww this is cute. Last guy I really liked fit almost all of these, but we had some important difference in values so it didn't work out. What stood out: Asking consent isn't awkward....he was just really attentive about checking my reaction, wasn't afraid to ask about what my boundaries were. Never tried to push past what I told him I was comfortable with. He was a whole person on his own. Read regularly, well dressed, interested in many topics, tried to make positive changes even if he wasn't a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 02:28 AM
14

Ugly guys tend to be in never ending cycle of rejections and bitterness that is very unwelcoming Spot on!!!! They're rejected so much they start to view women as the enemy and their primary instinct (because of how they are) is to lasg out on the next clown who lowers her standards enough Don't let yourself be that clown!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 03:30 AM
6

Good point. A lot of younger men say it in the same way teenagers say "if you can't handle me at my worst" But I think a lot of HVM don't come out and say like that, they are more subtle. Like they might show pride that their wife can hold her own leading a crew of men at work, something like that. Almost all of them admire that idea of a strong woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 06:55 PM
5

Yeah, I get it, I'm south asian myself. There are a lot of those marriages in my family and I've turned down a few proposals from wealthy men myself because of it. It just weirds me out when people look in from the outside and see these marriages as something to aspire to, because they really are horrific.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 05:47 PM
83

Even if it's subconscious, 99% of men think like this: if she puts up with that, then there's something wrong with her. It goes DEEP in them. Especially if it was another romantic partner. And even if the abuser was a father, uncle, brother, etc. They don't appreciate what it's like to be physically weaker in the world. If you listen to how HVM talk, even they always describe the love of their life as someone who never "put up with anyone's shit." It's a source of pride for them to have an "unto…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 03:10 AM
8

Don't apologize! It's so true, it's insane. And people rarely talk about it I'm the same as you...always been slender and fluctuate between those 5-10 lbs. I gave this one 5'6 guy a chance because I'm short myself and I never cared about height too much. He asked me how much I weigh on the first date. Another guy, 5'7 and narrow shoulders, was obsessed with asking me about my diet and excercise. Almost in an accusing way, as if he was trying to determine how likely it is that I will get fat as I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 12:38 AM
19

And we all know the state of the legal system and how they deal with those cases. If people want change, they need to get off their own asses and do something. It's sick to expect recent rape victims to sacrifice and put all that on their own plate. Anyone who can stomach it, watch Brave Miss World on netflix. It's about Linor Abargil, former miss world, who became an advocate for women after her own assault. She had supportive family, mental help, money, and a very strong character, public supp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 10:05 PM
41

Exactly why I haven't been visiting this sub as much! At first, it was all enlightened advice all the time. But a lot of new people here have that simple mindset that sugar babies do. There was a post a few months ago about a rich Arab guy who cheats on his wife.....everyone in the comments called his wife a queen. Like, noooo. If you see these women in real life, they legit look like they want to kill themselves. A rich man is nothing if he's constantly abusing, controlling, and cheating on you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 10:02 PM
25

Oooh that's so accurate Any short man I've ever seen in my life was obsessed with calling women fat. They think it will bring her down to his level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 07:51 PM
12

Yup!! Most important thing I learned in my early-mid 20s: only children should be taken care of selflessly. And that's actual children, not your 20 year old lazy son. With everyone else, you need to put yourself first and you cannot ever change another adult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 11:29 PM
81

Behave rationally aka give him time to manipulate you Women are taught from birth to disregard their own instincts for a reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 08:45 PM
134

"I enjoyed our marriage, he messed it up" I love her mindset. No apologizing, no regretting, just making the right decisions for herself as the information came to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 08:17 PM
7

I think those types of men overlap heavily with men who have untreated mental illness and/or porn addiction. You don't need to be the most interesting man in the world, but a desire to do something normal for pleasure usually means they have a healthier mindset. The best guys I've dated all had some kind of passion....reading, building, cars, cooking, foodie, music, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 08:02 PM
11

Same here. I can't think of a single blockbuster I've ever enjoyed.... this whole time I just thought I didn't like movies in general lmao I did like Captain America, but it was probably for Peggy's plotline.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 06:31 AM
15

Gooooooood point! Never put that together! It's starts with the "females are irrational" and ends with women feeling the need to explain the most basic ass things over and over and over to an expert gaslighter. I fell into that trap a few years ago in my early 20s, thinking I was mature for spelling out my every feeling when anyone hurt me. Then I learned more about abuse and narcissism and figured out that abusers play on that type of good faith and codependency. If your other half can't be tru…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 08:46 AM
22

I was just talking to my friends the other day about the idyllic childhoods we all had in nyc We were are poor immigrants but life was literally better than anything I've ever seen in the cheesiest kids movies. Especially summer nights "A fate worse than death" is a bit much
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 08:32 PM
160

Lmaoo typical I always say that a lot of women's insecurities in relationships are completely in their head, put there by men I bet you the reason she was working out so much was bc the husband made her feel inadequate compared to other women. And he himself probably bought the red pill lie that women lose value and men gain value as we all age. So he was hoping to decimate her self confidence even more with an open relationship. Plus "no one excites me" means no one at all is into him, let alon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 09:44 PM
9

That's because romance books are by women, for women, and generally raise our standards to normal levels. Like the series I'm reading right now is great....it has the heroine fall in love at first with a LVM in disguise who acts like prince charming but is ultimately threatened by her. Then she grows as a character and finds someone who genuinely respects her. No other type of entertainment media hits on women's interest like this because everything else has become saturated by male influence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 07:58 PM
6

Wow you broke it down very nicely! I think I've had similar experiences. These are usually men who are always quietly fuming at the idea of gold diggers or high maintenance women. They see signs of you buying nice things for yourself as "proof" that women are evil and shallow. They think only slobs like them have morals. They dont like to see women have get anything good, no matter who buys it. It's a similar dichotomy to the modanna-whore complex: they see all women as either a CoolGirl or a Pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 05:25 AM
10

Even better, I think society should stop idolizing and being obsessed with the teenage experience. Why are so many people stuck on high school era shows and stuff like that? Coming from Hlollywood, it's creepy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 10:03 PM
23

Anyone with teenage relatives knows they look like literal children to any adults. The media portrays them as being older looking than they are, but they look and act like children in real life. That's what this guy is seeing. Complete pedophile and psychopath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 06:20 PM
3

That's really good! I get what you mean about the police. I had to call them for a small incident and they were the ones who warned me that petty crime was going up. Unfortunately the most vulnerable people are still those stuck inside with their abusers. Especially school kids who will be stuck with them for a good 5 months during a high stress time, now that school won't open back up this year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 05:03 PM
5

Yeah, to be blunt, they know there's a small chance it will hit them hard and they don't care about spreading it to anyone else. I'm in nyc and most guys out and about in their 20-30s are just dry coughing all over the place but will likely show no other symptoms so they're good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 05:02 PM
158

I know this is a joke, but I hope no one reads this and becomes lax with their safety! Crime has gone up in my area. People are desperate and that never translates to safety for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 02:37 AM
1

There's a special type of violence that 3rd world men are capable of that all women should be aware of. Idk if it's the poverty, culture, heat, or what but it makes a lot of these men into pure monsters. You know that infamous story a few summers ago about a 15 year old boy named Junior? He was hacked to death by 4 adult men in a bodega.....that's literally how my own 15 year old cousin was murdered years ago in bangladesh. That level of violence is unique to these countries and our women take t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 04:14 PM
18

He took his opportunity because of the stay in place order. As bad as it is with the virus, my heart really goes out to all the women and girls locked in with their abusers right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 11:15 PM
24

I agree. It's basically rape. Men holding money over women in vulnerable positions in order to use their bodies. You might as well go and pick out a man from your local sex offenders registry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 10:14 PM
3

Yupp 😬 The majority of uber religous guys on there go in with a Madonna whore complex, thinking that only a whore would dare to use an app But I've met some good moderate leaning guys as well so it's not all bad
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 08:09 PM
22

I've come across this exact behavior almost word for word a few times, expect they told me to smile more. It was a muslim dating app though. And this guy is probably Jewish. "Religious" men are more likely to be both inept and sexist enough to think this will work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 04:40 AM
8

Interesting This kind of insight is what I come here for
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 05:55 PM
12

Lack of school and any other possible adult intervention. I was talking about this with someone when the schools all closed.....it was a nessesity, but it would also mean that some children would be locked in for months straight with their abusers. Case workers and child psychologists are also hugely scaling back on in person meetings. Again, a nessesity. I have friends who work in those fields who are taking huge risks to go in to work as much as they do. BUT all the precaution for the virus is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 06:25 PM
17

Don't doubt that, but I found that it's a harsh enough term to wake you up to the dysfunction in your life. I personally needed the harsh truth to get myself out of that mindset. And I'm so glad I won't be walking into a marriage as the same person I used to be. The key it to add a lot of self love with that bitter pill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 09:58 AM
41

They also only like dumb/average women in theory too. They get tired of playing smart daddy after a while and then resent her for not meeting his "intellectual needs" Almost like LVM find a way to hate women no matter what.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 09:47 PM
19

Stupid ass Abdullah I particularly hate when Arab/South Asian men act like little victims to women. Insane and weak considering the leg up on women they are already born into. There literally nothing more pathetic in the world. As a woman from these cultures.....let me tell you, it's a HUGE red flag if a brown man is bitching about women in any way. The HV brown men I know are all 100% aware of the imbalance and would not ever dare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 07:15 PM
25

Yup Men who are quick to put down either "dependent" or "independent" women should be avoided. All that is from a place of hate and policing. These guys and the guys who only like housewives are 2 sides of the same coin. A HVM is more understanding and empathic of both lifestyles. Even if it's not for him, he will be extremely polite about it and have innate human respect for all women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 07:07 PM
116

Yeah. Not to shit on other women's struggles and fears. But I never got why the big fear was being single for life when abusive marriages are so much worse and so much more common. They are decades of mental (and potentially physical) torture. You go to your grave hating yourself. Your kids will come out fucked up so you will get no love from them either. There are few worse ways to throw your entire life away. It's like when you have really bad cramps and you long for the peace of no cramp days…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 06:49 PM
7

This is a case of general misogyny revealing future red flags. Think about his thought process.....he thinks most girls are desperate and dumb. He knows its dangerous for these so called dumb girls to be out that late. He still put you in that position, still opened the door for you to do something unsafe. He wouldnt have cared for your safety if you failed the test. If something happened to you, so what? You would've been "whore" in his mind already. Before all this, despite all you've shared s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 12:13 PM
1

How is disrespecting you and crossing your boundaries uplifting you in any way though? You being successful would make him look good, so that's what he tried to make you into. You have to look at the whole picture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 09:35 AM
4

Wow I just posted a comment about the exact same early sign. I'm so sorry you had to deal with the coercion and I'm glad he's an ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 09:08 PM
2

Very very helpful information, thank you! I figured something like this based off my own experience....guys who don't react to your simple "no" with easy acceptance put a really bad taste in my mouth. It's like after the first no, they immediately start microdosing you with gaslighting and putting you down. With one guy, I politely disagreed with an extreme political point he was making. Immediately he started trying to talk down to me and implying he was inherently a better person than me, beca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 09:06 PM
4

The more you work on your own mental health, the more obvious these things become I think. Personally, I was codependent and a symptom of that is being controlling and expecting perfection from others (and from yourself). And with that, being unable to distinguish between normal flaws and actual patterns of toxic behaviors. It's a terrible high stress way to live. Work on that stuff in detail and work on regulating yourself emotionally, and you will able to pick out the difference easily. There …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 09:33 AM
124

I have so much respect for OP wow!! She's the role model we all need. I hope someone sends her an invite to this sub. I hate that she had to justify herself like 3 or 4 times for looking at his phone. We've villianized one of our only ways of finding these things out. That social stigma is a gaslighter's best tool. Obviously it's not healthy to be suspicious if your partner to the point of obsession or control. But if you get a feeling something is wrong or come across one hint, there's nothing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 05:50 AM
3

Yeah exactly! Comparing my experience with HVM is actually what inspired this post. I don't buy the lie that men are emotionally ignorant. They all know what they're doing and they do it because they are rewarded for it. I grew up around a lot of smart guys, before they learned to manipulate like adult men do. All of them are just as intuitive of social situations as we are. They know when a girl has a crush on them, they know what the right thing to say is, they pick up on small mood shifts jus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 05:34 AM
5

With the charming type - pay attention if he seems to be TOO good to be true (lovebombing/ agreeing with everything - very MrMeToo) and whether he is making a 'statement of vulnerability' fast...that's something a manipulator will use as bait to get your guard down- to fake some sort of intimacy. You're a genius!! That's spot on IME I was talking to one guy who seemed great: charming, funny, and very handsome. Until a week in, one of his get to know you questions was "what's the most insane expe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 04:34 AM
27

Yup!! Same in muslim/south asian culture. Men are responsible for providing for every single woman in their family. My dad supports all his middle aged divorced sisters and their kids. Sent their kids to college, paid for their weddings, etc. Huge responsibility for a traditional man. And I would say they get pressure to marry even younger, like they get desperate in their late 20s even. You're not seen as a real man until you have your own family. When they get married they have to give their w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 07:55 PM
16

This video cleared up a lot of things for me when I was confused. In the moment, when I dated those narcissistic guys, they turned me off on some deep level and I went with my gut before I could talk myself out of it. Consciously I still questioned myself and wondered if I was too picky. Until I came across that video and went down the list for each of them. They were all definitely Narcs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 02:48 PM
30

Yup!! That's another big thing! The way they "listen" to you is very dismissive. As if giving you their full attention and basic respect would empower you too much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 02:34 PM
1

Based on the standards I hold myself to, yes. Especially if you've told him he's uncomfortable and he continues. I have a personality that can unintentionally come off as flirty, but I learned to reign it in when I want to. If I'm in a relationship, I keep it reigned in 100% of the time out of respect. If he doesn't have that respect for you, the maturity to turn it off, or the ability to let go of validation...that's a red flag and something to look into. It indicates a possible bigger problem.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 02:31 PM
40

Oh wow he sounds pretty narcissistic! I dated a few guys like that as well and the way they react when they feel threatened is such a giveaway. What's weird is that if it was a female friend doing the exact same thing, most of us would be quick to call her out on not being a true friend. With men, the social standard is so freaking low that these same exact behaviors can pass by undetected for much longer. We're trained to make excuses for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 02:22 PM
5

Emeshment would be your dad needing too much emotional and social support from you and treating you a peer. This just sound like he's protective. I think it's a good idea even. It's normal in my culture and if your dad cares about your well being, he will be one of the best at sniffing out LVM. What I would suggest you do is tweak how you frame the meeting to these guys. Don't just say "I want you to meet my father before I commit." Make it look casual and accidental. Bring the guy to a family b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 11:34 AM
3

Yeah I think there was a study recently that said 90% of the world is discriminatory towards women And that 90% includes women. Just men, I'm sure it would be 100% discrimination. Buuuut I think there is a important difference, when it comes to gender, between discrimination and hatred of women. Not all men have a deep simmering hatred for women like the OP does. The type to genuinely believe that women are out to get men. The type that are deluded enough to think that men are victims. Like they…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 01:27 AM
14

Wow I heard about her only briefly years ago.....all I knew was that a woman cut off her husbands dick I guessed she had good reason just based off that and I'm not surprised to hear that he was abusive as well!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 11:37 PM
39

Good case for not showering men with adoration, because you will only attract narcissists who need adoration. And never putting yourself in that fincinally dependent place, even if your husband makes 500k and you work part time minimum wage. Keep that minimum wage job. We are brainwashed to ignore just how drastically being a SAHM will skew your relationship dynamic. If you don't want him to have absolute power over your life, do not give him absolute financial power in a capitalist society. OP …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 09:30 PM
18

We live and learn 😩 I was confused about that with one guy too. He made a throwaway small sexist comment on the first date and then backtracked when he saw the look on my face. A lot of women I asked about it just said that "men are idiots like that." But it turned out he just had a deep hatred for women. Some women don't want to face the truth about men in their lives which is why they laugh it off or accept it as normal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 08:53 PM
41

This is why you don't ever marry a guy who has any sexist views! If he veiws all women a certain way, he WILL eventually view you the same way. And he will punish you for his deranged thoughts. I would bet the OP in this case was a guy who openly complained about the MeToo movement. Who openly talks badly about other "loose" women. Who sympathizes with and gives benefit of doubt to other men as often as he can. I bet you all know men like that personally. They view all women as inherently evil a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 07:08 PM
12

A classic, but really weird one is "Third Person Singular Number" It came out around 2010 and was a huuge hit. A take on sexism in all corners of society.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 04:08 PM
25

Hahaha I love how surprisingly feminist bengali natoks always are. Always calling out men on their bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 03:49 PM
8

I would go as far as to say, there are very few high status HVM out there. Priviledge and power often brings the ugly out of men for a lot of reasons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 03:43 PM
12

That's my dad. Their worst nightmare is their daughter or sister marrying someone like them. Also it's VERY interesting to see how all of their "rules" for women are thrown out the window when it comes to their daughters. All of a sudden, it's "you need to take a self defense class" "have a career, never depend on a husband" "speak up, never stay silent" It shows how much their own ego ruins men. And why it's so important to marry someone who is secure int hero relationship with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 06:18 AM
4

Yeah that's one thing I absolutely can't stand in a man.....when he acts like women have no reason to be careful. Even in the best case scenario that he is actually that naive, this is not the kind of man fit to raise any potential daughters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 06:05 AM
5

Omg I am so so sorry that you had to deal with both of them. And so glad to hear that you have broken away from them. Your future will be brighter because of it, trust. I fully get the desire to think you have at least one good parent. When you've been hurt, you really need to imagine that you have at least one person in your corner. Letting go of that fantasy is probably a sign that you're healing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 08:23 PM
4

For sure, thank you! My main group of friends are not exactly pickmes, but they don't abide by FDS-like strategies either. They bought into libfem as a theory and are now stuck in a weird limbo with it. So anything I do that breaks their fantasy makes them uncomfortable. They don't like to think that a journal like that is a nessesity bc they want to believe they will just walk into a good man one day and never have to doubt him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 08:18 PM
1

She's reacting to it better than other women, at least. She figured out he has no intention of marrying her and it sounds like she knows where this is headed. I hope someone reaches out before the lawyer can gaslight he into making a huge mistake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 07:00 PM
15

Omg you may be on to something. My uncle, the most textbook narc I've ever seen, drives exactly like that. Everyone gets car sick when he drives. Also this one bus driver I get sometimes on my commute....short, ugly, bitter, fat little thing. He hates any woman he sees and shouts all day long. He drives like that too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 06:40 PM
10

At best, she'd start blubbering and saying sorry without taking responsibility. Omg I get that! I tried a few times to get her to understand, she ALWAYS ended up a blubbering mess, turning the victim spotlight on her. I'm not sure about your mom, but it might be worth it to look into whether she's a covert narcissist or not. I have a theory that can sound ugly to people who haven't lived it: a lot of abusive relationships have a "water seeks it's own level" grain of truth to them. There are vict…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 06:29 PM
13

Exactly. It was eye opening for me when I found out that narcissistic mothers actually get off on seeing their daughters abused by others. It's the ultimate pick me fantasy for them. They think deep down, "that other female is being abused by a man who treats me well,his must mean I am worth much more than her." They love it. They dont care about the price you pay for their ego boast. These stories we see of a step father or family friend abusing young girls and the mom completely ignoring it...…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 05:43 PM
11

What she did was worse than what he did, because to train children to accept and excuse abuse and to deny the feelings they have about their own abuse is breaking their humanity and often fragmenting their psyche (dissociation, the final escape when there is no escape). Thank you, this is the perfect way to describe it. It's why I ultimately had to really distance myself from my mother and completely cut off my brother. I felt so guilty and wrong while doing it, but it was clear as day that she …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 05:28 PM
16

Love these kinds of posts. A big thing I've been grappling with is that the way I love people, the way the women in my life love me...men are just not capable of that exact thing. I'd rather have my eyes open and know how to protect myself instead of either deluding myself or giving up on any relationship. I like the idea of always keeping one foot on the ground at all times
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 07:53 AM
3

Omg I seriously love this sub I started doing this when I started dating. I have a journal filled with lists, goals, detailed observations, and pro con lists. And it has saved my ass so many times. LVM, narcissists, potential abusers or users don't hold up against an objective journal made for this purpose. Micro red flags are exactly what build up and alert you to his true intentions, long before he is in a position to hurt you. Also really good for keeping yourself grounded when you feel a lot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/20 07:10 AM
8

Same. My rule is coffee date first in an area that has restaurants. And if he's not crazy and I do like him, I expect him to ask me for lunch on dinner after the coffee. If he doesn't, that's a wrap. I just can't stomach sitting down and eating a meal with a creep or someone I get a bad vibe from.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 04:06 PM
86

Controversial, but I don't think women can be as forgiving about bad families. I used to be more open to men who come from dysfunctional families because I myself come from one. I learned how to form healthy relationships, I learned to treat people very well, I learned to put up really strong boundaries. So why can't any man? It wouldn't be fair to judge him for his family if I want him to accept mine, I thought. Guess what I overlooked though. My sister and I unlearned all the toxic shit; our b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 10:33 AM
104

Never okay except when you're in the most vulnerable position possible with a man much stronger than you 🙄 I would like to know how much collective trauma these ideas have cost women and girls over the last decade.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 07:52 AM
11

The type of men who catcall/male public comments like that are usually really good at reading body language. And a lot of abusive men treat their partners like objects. That enegry can be seen in the way he walks next to you, his expression, how he looks at other men, and how he touches you in public. If you're walking with a brother or male cousin, you would be less likely to get these comments for that reason. They would be more likely to have a protective stance near you and give any men who …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 01:52 AM
45

Love how socially sexually conservative = oppressive to women. I'm not sleeping with anyone before I want to but I'm oppressed right? And I would be liberated by low grade crusty dick? The more lib fems and men try to argue with FDS, the more their true intentions and holes in the logic come up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 01:39 AM
9

Hilarious 😂 But tbh I don't see the point in posting about guys like this on here. I would bet none of them interact with women (or anyone) irl. Not our problem, not anyone's problem. I think we would be better off focusing on the logic of normal guys who may be misogynistic but sane enough to hide it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 01:36 AM
36

I don't even know if they fool pick mes 😭 They repulse women in general, not a soul is trying to be picked by them for anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 10:47 PM
11

Thank you! I will take her to another lawyer about that asap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 08:11 PM
29

I have actually. She will come out okay, if he actually divorces her legally. Her name is on everything. The problem is that he has dual citizenship and I'm pretty sure his plan is to do it criminally. He'll empty the accounts and I don't think he's above forging my mom's signature. He wouldn't be able to come back the the US but he has enough money and businesses in our home country so he wouldn't need to. I'm not sure if there's a way to avoid that other than keeping a eagle eye on the mortage…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 05:55 PM
317

Irl these freaks always always stand out like a sore thumb. They're socially inept, they can't hide anything. Easy to avoid. No one respects them, not other men or women. They stay in middle management taking their frustrations out on 20 year olds who will surpass them in a decade.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 05:48 PM
3

That's definitely not how a woman talks lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 04:58 PM
35

For sure. I get a general vibe from profile pictures. Ie he's a fuck boy, he's slimy, he's insecure, he's honest, he's kind, etc And I think 95% of the time it has been pretty accurate. Especially after exchanging a few messages. If you're careful and choosey, you can really minimize the amount of LVM you go out to meet in person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 04:28 PM
130

Yeah I think that was it exactly. He knows we would all cut him out if/when he screws her over financially so he's been toeing the line so far. He only cares about his own blood at the end of the day and that's how a LOT of men think. Also there were a few other factors: He was always jealous and possessive over my mom. It served his interests for her to be stuck at home away from other men. He, like a lot of men, do not know wtf they actually want in a partner. They think they want a meek littl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 03:42 PM
114

Yeah this is another thing, unfortunately. Even outside of accidents like that, to be blunt, men have a lot more health issues than women do. In my neighborhood, there was a wave of men dying in their early 40s from stokes and heart attacks. A lot of the men were HVM and they were missed, but their wives were all left with young kids to raise alone and no career to fall back on. I really think that a true HVM would be able to understand this, especially if he has children. And realize that it's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 03:32 PM
77

Yup. Realistically, money brings out the worst in the majority of people. To depend financially on a spouse is so risky. Most men would never do it for good reason, not just because of their sense of masculinity. The wouldn't have created a society where they're the primary bread winner if it did not benefit them. And not prioritizing our own security is so ingrained in us. Like every young woman I know feels low key guilty about putting herself and her money first. We really need to change that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 03:21 PM
208

Yeah this is why I refuse to ever be a SAHM. I don't care how many women love it, trust their husbands, and think they owe it to their children. I would guess that most of those poverty stricken women sacrificed their careers for their family. When the husband divorced them, they had nothing left. I'm seeing it with my own mom. I distinctly remember my dad yelling at her for trying to work. She gave it up, become a housewife, and helped my dad build his career. He made a good amount of money. He…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 03:05 PM
18

When they have no other option (aka outright abuse), they do the same shit but act oblivious while doing it. Reddit loves complaining about how males are portrayed on TV as being dumb. Cleaning commercials, sitcoms, etc But that's exactly many LVM do in real life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 11:12 PM
12

I hate to be the girl who cried narcissism, but his behavior reads like typical narc poking. When they are: Extremely self centered in the first place Throw a tantrum and cross boundaries to test if you are ready to become their victim Put on a mask of perfection once they realize you are not going to give in. Aim to reel you back in and doubt your instincts. Repeat until you either fall in line or get fed up and leave. Like.....this is literally how I manage my N mother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 05:47 AM
189

We actually learn from our mistakes, while they keep making the same ones. Exactly. That's how our socialization for being more introspective and nurturing can come in to save us. Meanwhile the rot stays where it was. That's why I think the goal of FDS is not to become as nasty as men, but to build self preservation and smarts on top of what we already have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 06:07 PM
115

Yes I've been thinking about this recently It's not even just celebrity/rich women who had plastic surgery (although it is an option) My mom is 55. She's emotionally over my dad, not stressed, and slowly losing weight for her own health......the bitch is gorgeous. She's always been objectively extremely beautiful, even with the baby weight when I was growing up. But now that she's really prioritizing herself first, she's legit glowing and flouncing around the house like she probably did before m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:13 PM
45

Sorry but no man worth knowing as a woman, in any capacity, disregards our safety like that. He's the type that would teach his young daughter to be trusting of all men and leave her in unsafe situations. Or the brother that would bring creepy friends around his sister and miss every warning sign. The type of friend that would play devil's advocate for your actual rapist. The type of son to put his elderly mother in the care of a male nurse. Delete these men from your life if that's their percep…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 01:34 PM
2

Actually I could see arranged marriages/courtships being very effective when it's not hijacked by patriarchal systems. In South Asia and in a lot of religious communities, there are too many obstacles that turn it into a trap for women. But at it's core, it's a good idea. As long as the parents are trustworthy and the woman is allowed all of her autonomy. Like I can see it working for a lot of healthy western families. But I feel like men always try to control society in a way that either has wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 01:58 AM
6

Omg I loved that documentary! It's an extremely realistic look at how middle class Indians do arranged marriage. I loved that the heavier girl had loving parents who approached the process with a clear head and with their daughter's well being in mind. That's how arranged marriage should be...they protected and supported her until she found a good man who was serious. Amrita's story is unfortunately more common. Her husband did a classic bait and switch with her, where he pretends to be more lib…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 12:39 AM
9

It could and should work in theory, but in reality it heavily works in favor of abusive men. The groom's family always rushes women to say yes immediately without letting her get to know the groom because they know she will find flaws. And the bride's side is absolutely desperate to get her married off before she becomes "undesirable" or before she loses her virginity so they become a monolith of pick me's all telling her to go against her instincts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 11:50 PM
7

Oh no I'm talking about rural india where girls get married off pretty young, like 16-18 if I'm being generous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 11:20 PM
16

No, in india it's the exact opposite. Traditional for girls to be married off and moved to her husband's village. So she would be extremely isolated, with none of her family or friends and all of her inlaws supporting the husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 11:09 PM
85

Apologized for checking his shit after getting kicked out of a store ✔ Picks up when he calls ✔ "I don't care about the ring but I'm devastated by the lies" ✔ Listened to the bitch cry ✔ Actually got into an impossibly dumb debate over it ✔ Rushed off to "have a chill day" at the hotel ✔ STILL confused about where he got the plastic ring ✔ And of course she still feels bad for snooping ✔ I just want to say......completely uneducted women from rural ass India, worst country for women, are no wher…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 09:50 PM
1

Same
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 08:18 PM
32

In nyc a LOT of finance bros have that same personality. And if they don't, they are too immersed in that culture to be of value. A lot of men in other high power industries (doctor, pharmacist, engineer, lawyer) have the finance bro vibe too. IMO, it's good to keep yourself on high guard if you're ever suspicious that a guy is like that. The main thing to look out in the lovebombing phase is that he may do all of the right things at first, but none of it feels genuine. You won't feel emotionall…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 04:53 PM
34

Yes, pretty often actually. I see it more than a HV Woman + HV Man pair. I think a lot of men who are capable of being HVM also tend to have problems with being codependent or "too nice and forgiving" like many HV Woman do. So they hitch themselves to narcissistic women and have kids with her while relatively young. Then they don't want to leave for the children's sake because they are actually good fathers. It's still much much less common than HV Woman + LV Man. And the abused men have a lot m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 03:52 PM
22

Yupp Very important lesson to learn for all of life. When you try to be nice and apologize for anything that's not your fault just to make someone else feel better, you are putting a bright red target on your back for all of that person's frustrations. Without fail. Hurt people are always looking to place blame on someone else. Do not offer yourself up on a platter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 03:28 PM
22

A lot of women are so far gone they think like this, unfortunately. I see a lot of them irl
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 03:25 PM
77

According to her, men are the real victims tho They're attacked no matter how they try to get free pussy and they get confused :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 03:24 PM
6

Damn you dodged a bullet honestly I think someone up thread commented that the finance the one winning by getting a rich handsome man and using him for the benefits. Normally I would see that point, in western society. Definitely NOT with middle eastern or south asians though. On top of the cheating, these rich families keep their wives and daughter in laws completely under their thumb with all the cultural stuff. You would be fight against a system that's designed to make you lose. Like you cou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 01:03 PM
3

Yeah honestly that's exactly why I stopped being friends with 99% of men in college. After college, when more men settle into relationships, they put less value in pretty female acquaintances if they mature. But then you don't want to put yourself in the position to blur any lines or become a sore spot in any relationship, so it's best to stay away from close guy friends in general. In high school there's an illusion that women and men can be friends. No one is really in a serious relationship s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:32 PM
6

What ethinic community if you don't mind me asking?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 01:14 PM
65

So first he tried to discredit her by sexualizing her, then he went and painted her as a "buzz kill" to the other men in her workplace. Men like this need to be boiled alive idc He's threatened by her and wants to sabotage her career
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 09:13 PM
8

I saw a video about narcissistic friends the other day and what I found interesting is that apparently, it's very very normal to keep a toxic friend around for decades without really seeing who they are. It's really not something against your own judgement. It's just that unlike with SOs and family, friendships are relationships that tend to have much less of an impact on us. We're less intimate with them and less affected by them. With a boyfriend, we would know something is off within weeks. B…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 08:15 PM
9

My own parents started off with a messed up relationship but when I was younger, they got to a good place and I had a really good childhood. A woman like OP's friend is actually what broke their relationship up for good. Jealousy really is a killer if you have anything to lose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 05:38 PM
27

I think I know what's up with women like C Her main problem is that she let her insecurity control her. She was probably always jealous of you and resented the fact that you were in a position to help her. When you met a good husband, of course she would attach herself to any man. And after that, she liked the way you and her abusive boyfriend fought over her. If I had to guess, she was talking shit about you at home which is why he hated you. Nevermind the fact that she would've been knowingly …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 05:19 PM
21

That's one thing I really believe: on my life, I would never move into a house that is not under my name and start popping out babies for someone. Like women are literally rolling in the fucking dirt here. You had the old geezer's babies inside your body but he didn't put your name on the deed? Unbelievable. So risky for any woman to live like that. Even if you don't work, your name should be on everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 01:49 AM
6

Exactly. People act like these monsters are lone wolves or accidental psychopaths In reality men learn directly from each other how to commit atrocities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 09:45 PM
15

Fully agree with this! It's so dangerous to date while in a narcissistic abusive relationship with your parent. You wouldn't believe the crazy things you've normalized u till you've come out of it. You will notice that even your friendships have been toxic, let alone a whole romantic relationship. Best thing to do is get therapy, heal yourself, find stability in your life, get in the habit of loving yourself, and enforce really strict boundaries with the narcissistic parent before you date anyon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 01:45 PM
28

Tbh when I'm not feeling it and I know for sure that I don't want to see him again, I really push to pay for my half. Partially because I don't want to feel attached to him by guilt or any misguided form of obligation. Like after the date if he sends a cute text, and I had just let him pay, I would feel obligated to talk a bit more before before rejecting him. I would rather just pay, go home, and cut the relationship off as quickly as possible. Also in my understanding, FDS is also about being …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 01:01 AM
15

Absolutely blows my mind that choking went from being the biggest indication that a man WILL kill you, to being so normalized and loved by liberal modern feminists. No one thought that would be a bad idea?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 11:13 PM
75

Not even that, what fairy tale land you they live in that you can just ask people to respect you and see you as a person and they will do it. Ignorance is the biggest lie males tell. They know exactly what they're doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 02:29 PM
2

Woww so he showed his real face! Bullet dodged for sure. Very very telling that he tried to mess with your emotions and mind and then bounced the second you proved that you aren't a doormat. The absolute worst type of guys are like that. Good job :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 01:54 PM
6

Agreed. Only thing I would add, is be careful and mindful when being honest with your reactions. Say he says something borderline off and you show a bit of your disgust in your face. He will most likely pick it up immediately and try to backtrack and then tell you a lot of exactly what you want to hear. For the next few weeks at least, you won't catch his real feelings on the topic and might get lulled into a false sense of security. This is why I like ling phone conversations....men aren't used…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 08:39 AM
22

That's what gets them! I should use it more tbh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 08:33 AM
28

What a loss of a great life. This is reminding me of something Dr. Ramani on YouTube said, that most women know but the number one factor of them ignoring the red flags is external pressure to settle. Usually time related deadlines. Idk if it's in bad taste to presume, but in the interest of keeping things out in the open, she could have missed the signs because: She had recently got out of a high profile engagement with a celebrity. That must have hurt and she would have been vulnerable She was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 03:38 PM
18

Oh wow, I replied to OP before reading your comment and yeah you're right. I think this is a common tactic used by abusive men. Its goes by their playbook of pretend ignorance. Last guy who tried it on me was like that as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 02:44 PM
38

His behavior now is proof that he originally knew what he was doing, flaking without apologizing. He's trying to reel you in most likely. You will notice that they test you with bad behavior that they pretend is accidental, then try to reel you back in as soon as you start losing interest. The goal is to establish a toxic relationship with you. He's actually probably pretty intuitive of things but is playing dumb as a manipulation tactic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 02:42 PM
10

Very smart
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 02:37 PM
12

The gaslighting 😩 He showed her doesn't really care all that much about her as a person. How do you ask someone you love to basically cheat in front of them? He doesn't love her, he doesn't respect her, he probably views her and all other women as objects. Her instincts are 100% right. The way the public reacts to this shit is why I can't stand most people. I hope someone from here sends her a lifeline.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 02:35 PM
39

That's giving way too much credit to them just because he's famous. When I see someone this damaged for this long, especially as a child of billionaires, I am going to question wtf the parents exposed them to. Refusing to see the flashing red flags in situations like this will only bite you in the ass later in your own life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 10:13 AM
98

I wonder why though I don't think it's a coincidence that she feels the need not to rely on him, plus she's been abused as a child, plus Speilberg is at the top of an industry famous for raping children, plus he apparently is completely supportive of her decision to date old men and go into porn. I wonder how complicit her parents were in her trauma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 09:49 AM
8

Exactly! He was ugly af. Another case of men thinking other ugly men are Greek models. And another way of blaming the kind women who would have helped anyone who asked for help. They painted a narrative of these women and girls deserving to die because they were supposedly charmed by him. In reality, they were genuinely just trying to be helpful. Men are the ones who pretend to help with ulterior motives. It's sick when you look into it. I tried to watch the netflix documentary, thinking it woul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 06:17 AM
2

Good for you! I don't tell that them for a few reasons: I dont want them to hide their red flags from the next woman. They won't genuinely get better because I told them what their issue is, they will only figure out how to pretend to be better. Protection from any stalking or verbal abuse. Don't go out of your way to hurt a weak man's ego, just get out. They can lash out like snakes. Don't want to put myself in a position to be gaslight or debated with on why I don't like him. I just send a pre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 06:04 AM
35

That's a good point. Several guys have made weird comments about me coming off as too "fancy." If I pick a nice looking but decently priced restaurant, if I wear nice looking clothes, if I enjoy beautiful things in general. I spend very reasonably too, but LVM don't like to see a woman who's used to pampering herself. They get nervous thinking they will be held to some standard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 05:28 AM
5

but you start seeing it everywhere. It’s because your body associates it with feelings of threat- your radar is going off to tell you ‘let’s avoid feeling like this again- something feels familiar here’ Do you think this is a bad thing? I have been wondering if I jump the gun too quickly sometimes, especially with men. I wouldn't want to be in a reactive mindset long term. I have no tolerance for weak people who lie or gaslight when caught red handed and I especially have no tolerance for a Juda…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 05:20 AM
21

Ooh I missed that post earlier, thanks for making it! I only knew about the infection risk and physical damage it can cause. Did not know that it causes psychological trauma as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 05:15 AM
51

I wonder if that's why the Kardashian-esque build-a-bodies became so popular. As women get more advanced, men find new ways of messing with our minds. Like it legit hurts to look at how some women are morphing their bodies into inhuman shapes for the male gaze. And men probably get off on the power more than the result. They are loud enough about how much they hate plastic surgery while they secretly jerk off to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 05:14 AM
13

I can’t name one cheating ex that admitted he was guilty even with screenshotted evidence in his face . I mean there comes a point where there really is no option but to give it up....and their delusional arrogant asses still can’t do it. But they’re still the victim when u dump them 🤡 That's textbook narc behavior. The guy I was dating was also a clear narc. It's much more common in men for many reasons. My mom is one and I've been doing the work to figure out how to deal with her. The side eff…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 04:34 AM
12

Men who are thirsty for male validation should be avoided at all costs. They would throw their wife, their children, their own grandmother over a bridge just to get a high five from their "alpha"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 03:56 AM
26

This is not as serious, but I went on a date a few months ago and I think I mentioned that I wanted to be home before it got too late. He jokingly argued with me (⛳) about how the neighborhood was safe and implied that I was being uptight. I very briefly alluded to the fact that I've had some creepy incidents before. He seemed to not comprehend why a woman could possibly feel unsafe alone at night (⛳) and kept pressing, even when I tried to move the conversation on. I gave up and briefly describ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 03:41 AM
17

If you don't mind sharing, what are the red flags you look for?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 03:25 AM
12

Omfg I'm so sorry you went through that I've seen this happen before and I think you bring up a great point. I sort of think that ultimately, men are disappointing no matter how tou look at it. Very very few men are introspective and they are socialized in a way that makes inherently selfish and violent. Plus throw deep misogyny on top of that and it does not look good at all. I have a few thoughts: Do you think your dad was sadistic or narcissistic? I know several doctors and other richer men w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 01:34 PM
46

Yeah a 6 figure salary is worth nothing if it belongs to a stingy selfish guy. If you're thinking about marriage and especially if you're thinking of becoming a mother to his children, you need a man who will support you financially without hesitation. Otherwise you are giving up too much for nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 03:37 AM
43

She's still making excuses for him, asking how to fix the problem. The problem is that he doesn't love her. Strangers can't fix that for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 11:15 AM
12

What a weak pathetic man omg I think this is a new form of LVM....so threatened by women having rights, they fully embrace being an actual wimpy little baby. Full of anxiety, unable to do any simple task, needs cuddles and hand holding through life 🤢 If they had the guts they would be abusive. Instead they pull the helpless act while slyly making her feel worthless and chipping away at her self esteem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 11:04 AM
18

How do you spot these types?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 10:37 AM
41

Wow you're on to something. We don't put a dollar value on that stuff because we do it for each other all the time as sisters and friend...that's when it's equal and there's no need to put a number on it. Men never give it back. If you give, you should get something of equal value back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 10:35 AM
36

Yeah that's never okay He's clearly trying to neg you or put you into a scarcity mindset. Any man who tries to lower your confidence should be avoided at all costs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 03:53 PM
25

I think OP is black herself? Personally, I only think of men of my race (south asian) when I think of any examples of either LVM or HVM. Same with Pickmes. Because I know my own people and culture inside and out, it's much easier to make judgements.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 01:29 PM
8

Exactly. That's really what makes or breaks people in the end. Some people are lucky enough to have no kind of trauma in their early life. But the vast majority have at least one thing they get stuck on, I think. And if they fail to address these things in the right way as adults, they never grow and remain in a child-like toxic victim mindset. That's probably where all the dysfunction in human society comes from. And men are more prone to fall into this trap because they are actively socialized…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 01:12 PM
73

That's cute actually. His reaction to her achievements is to brag about her publically and make a self depreciating joke. LVM don't do that, they see you succeed in something and always sneakily try to knock you back down. This looks like a creative project too, I can see why she would prefer to have control over it rather than wait for his help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 12:47 PM
43

That last story...what exactly is up with men like that? It's extreme selfishness for sure, especially how he ignored her pleas for help when she was suicidal. But is it narcissism? Also side note: working on your own codependency does a lot to save you from men (and people in general) who try to use you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 03:31 PM
63

I think there's a difference between selfish and self respect though. Women are just called selfish if they show an ounce of self love or respect. So a woman who works while raising her kids is called selfish. Just like a SAHM is called selfish for not making her own money. Selfishness from men is them completely abandoning their children and treating their partners like slaves. We shouldn't use their words or pretend to aspire to their toxicity. We aspire to be self respecting and confident, no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 03:19 PM
6

Definitely. They show themselves in minor disagreements like that. These are the types who see women as objects to be gained....once you show the first sign of independent thought, you throw them off their game. They will either lash out like this guy did, argue your point, or completely dismiss your opinion and try to keep going as if nothing happened. You reacted perfectly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 03:03 PM
16

Yeah I noticed this too! Also I noticed that men handpick the absolute worst examples form history to justify their current behavior. They like to explain away their pedophilia by acting g like girls have always gotten married at 14 to 50 year old men. In reality, it depended on the economy. Even during the middle ages for example, it was the norm for women to marry in their late 20s and to men close to their age. In general women have always been fighting back and have always made headway. Now …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 02:54 PM
15

Their answer to that is "all men start off like that! You need to train him!" or they complain about how bad men are but don't think we need to take any extra precautions while dating them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 05:57 PM
23

Oooh I hate women like her. Also: huge red flag if men are very resistant to "change" after marriage. What they mean is they want to go on living exactly like they did before with their wife and kids tiptoeing around him. I was talking to this one guy who early on was very adamant that no woman would ever change him or take away time from his boys. He also really wanted to be a husband and father. Like bitch..... He wanted to be a little peter pan with a wife who stepped into the mother role. I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 04:45 AM
41

Moat men capable of cheating say psychotic shit like that. They lose any morals they may have ever had.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 04:33 AM
6

I agree with everyone else. Tackling codependency and working on self love will get you out of this emotional hole. Both processes can feel like a drop in the ocean at first, but all you have to do is go through the motions and before you know it you will start picking it up. The mind is very powerful in positive ways too and you can use that to your advantage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 12:38 PM
207

I love this article. And seriously loooove that this community has been created. I swear I've been trying to implement the majority of these FDS rules since last year before I found this sub. It's just pure common sense after you learn a little psychology and work on your own boundaries and self respect. But literally all my female friends and relatives would laugh my extreme carefulness off as being too picky, too paranoid. It's really not though! I'm so glad I can stop doubting my own process …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 12:31 PM
24

I think it's also increasing because of porn. Men probably record that shit on their phones and post it up in pornhub or something. But of course.......porn is natural and healthy and great for women 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 03:57 AM
36

Comments show that white men especially can't handle being treated as sexual predators. They will shift the blame to all other men on earth.....Mexican, Indian, Arab, Black, Japanese. But they believe their race is clear and civilized. That's white women who get assaulted in safe white places, like Elizabeth Smart and victims of frat boys, trigger them so much. Pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 02:47 AM
97

Jlo no doubt has the best personal trainers, chefs, and private gyms. Plastic surgeons too. Maybe Mr. Fatso should find a way to get all that for his wife? Why's he acting like Jlo gets her body from YouTube tutorials.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 04:11 AM
7

All those relationships that fall apart once the children come along? That's because the rose-colored glasses finally come off and man is exposed for the useless chump he really is. Exactly what I've seen. There are signs before. But it must be easier to have hope until you see what type of father they are. Also women are gaslit by society to accept very subpar behavior towards themselves, but that gaslighting doesn't work with innocent newborns. I've seen quite a few money divorce their husband…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 12:49 PM
10

Reminds of that old ass article reddit males used to love bringing up... Trans female to male reporter took testosterone and went "undercover" in men's spaces. Proceeded to write an article about why men are sooo oppressed, why they are justified for being rapey psychopaths. Male approval is everything to a lot of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 04:10 AM
6

Oprah is one example lol. She's too rich to get married and she doesn't seem to want kids. Women who think like her would be happy in a long term relationship without a contract. There's nothing wrong with that. But you have to be fully honest with yourself and what you want. Way too many women in these decade long relationships just lie to themselves about being okay with what they have. Or they want to accommodate their boyfriend's commitment issues while he refuses to accommodate her need for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 02:49 AM
8

Bad hygiene, obviously narrow petite shoulders Petite frame in general with the belly Bad posture....ties into confidence small, oddly feminine faces. Like when they look like their mom. I really hate well defined lips on men. balding, depending on how he looks with it. very unmoisterized skin
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 12:59 AM
19

I really hate how normal this insanity it. She feels bad that she can't "make her boyfriend feel good" meanwhile doesn't think it's weird that he gets enjoyment out of her pain. Like I never watched porn, but even the way she talks sounds so fucked up to me. Make him feel good?? Is he a toddler with a stomach ache?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 12:08 AM
9

Lmaoo I've really been fantasizing about doing this to creepy men on my commute. I wish ny was a concealed carry state too. Who's going to harass women who carry guns?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 11:38 PM
24

The more I learn about the psychology of abuse, the more I see abusive tactics being used by literally every power structure in society. Our world runs on it. Rich people to poor people, white people to the rest of the world, men to women, straights to LGBT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 11:35 PM
7

Honestly I always thought the same thing about trufemcels, the female version of incels. I heard bad things about it from other subs, imagined a toxic wasteland like incels, went over and it just looked like girls who are sad (not entitled) about lookism and sexism. Maybe a bit of bitterness, but no hate. Definitely no crazy shit like you see in subs that breed school shooters and rapists. Men always hate to see women being vocal. They are the ones who made up the name feminazi....equating women…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 11:33 PM
71

It's a little easier for me because I'm muslim and that's an accepted concept for us. But in practise, it's all the same. Never fully attach your life and love to someone before the contract is signed. Look out for yourself while dating, don't play the part of wife, don't feel responsible to stick with him or give him anything. No real commitment. That's for your husband, when you have legal protection. He's always under review until then. Men actually do it all the time, even in monogamous deca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 01:34 PM
4

Yeah fear of timing/biological clock is apparently the biggest reason women ignore red flags. And what's sad is that it's often other women in your lives who push us to get married before a set age. It takes a lot of space and inner strength not to fall for that trap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 05:24 AM
32

Sounds like he love bombed her. He sniffed out her insecurity, became her dream man for the first few months, then introduced his real abusive self. Her whole relationship, she probably felt like if she did enough she would get back that first 2 months of extreme love. Women can spend decades with abusive men bc of this hope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 10:31 PM
26

And women below 30 are just too disgusted/terrified of him to speak up. They're still conditioned to be "nice to the elderly" which is what these creeps exploit. Basically no women on earth wants him lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 12:14 PM
26

This is true, that's when their inability to respect you and your boundaries starts to show. Doesn't even need to be confrontational or aggressive. Just have your own opinions and don't agree to every suggestion for the sake of being nice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 09:35 AM
2

I'm really proud of how you just lifted yourself out of that pit of snakes ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 06:00 AM
94

The same psychopaths would be first in line to crucify her for not leaving an abusive man. Just say you hate women and go
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 09:55 AM
9

Good for you!! It's so nice to see a parent actually have the spine to stand up for their child like that. Narcissists are so insanely selfish and controlling over food. It's one of those red flags that are very reliable but not well known.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 02:15 AM
5

She's not the asshole for standing up to her husband She IS an an asshole for refusing to stand up for her daughter in the same way. The girl has 2 disappointing parents. Children growing up in these households hate their enabler parent as much as their insane parent for this reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 01:39 AM
34

Wow wtf kind of father is that?? Not trying to make a diagnosis, but my brother does shit like this as an adult and he's a narcissist. Same id probably true for the Father in this situation. Normal people don't do shit like that. The mother is an enabler and should be called out too. She has a responsibility to protect her daughter, even from the thing she decided to spawn with. She should have taken the husband's money and ordered food for her daughter. She should have stepped un when she saw t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 12:52 AM
1

Wow I'm sorry you went through that and I'm really glad you're out of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 08:35 PM
4

That's not an unpopular opinion by anyone's standards though. What's disturbing about the OP is that her idea of spoiling him is cooking him breakfast in bed and his idea of spoiling her is not complaining about what she made. She also apparently acts like a slave for him in bed. She proposed marriage to him. She works and pays the bills but also "spoils" him like 1950s housewife. And she seems to be starved for recognition based off how much approval she seeks on reddit. Do you not see the diff…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 05:40 AM
3

That's too logical and ethnic for pretentious reddit chefs 😔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 02:24 AM
8

I did the same but I had to stop when I got to the proposal thing 😭 Slave girl fantasy?? 3rd wave feminism was a real curse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 02:12 AM
21

That's one of my love languages too, but I've also had a problem with being codependent in the past like OP. I wonder how many "acts of services" people out there are just struggling with codependency. I checked that thread again, and when someone asks how one flavor combo tastes, she says "It was apparently really tasty! I didn't get any. 😂" You can't tell me that's normal. She got up early to cook breakfast while he slept in, and she didn't even get one bite?? It's like 1950s stepford wives le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 08:14 AM
36

And the fact that she has to brag about it on reddit means she probably doesn't even feel appreciated for it. For real though I hope she learns her own value one day. It's a shame that acting a servant working for scraps of love is the default taught to so many women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 05:26 AM
69

Reddit really fosters some of the most pathetic women I've ever seen in my life. Male identified is one thing, but when the males in question are nerdy white gamers....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 02:13 AM
106

I can't be the only one disturbed by this right?? She's literally praising her husband for letting her get out of bed early to cook him up nice breakfasts. Normally I would let her live out her Cinderella fantasies in peace but I can't stand women who advertise this bootlicking behavior in the most obscure places. Can't even look at a cooking sub without being bombarded by their constant need for male approval.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 01:41 AM
12

Tbh in this specific case, the daughter was likely much better off without her. The shock of what her mom did was probably a blessing in disguise because it forced her into NC. I see a lot of my own narcissistic mother in the way OP's mother thinks. It's sad and frustration to see the pick me behavior and jealousy to literally any other female. But the problem exists in her with or without men. A mother capable of hurting their daughter that way always hated that daughter. The man didn't come in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 10:52 PM
20

Daughter was most likely attracted to the parasite in the first place because he treated her the way her mom did and she had normalized it. That's why you need to cut off toxic family well before starting your own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 09:31 PM
12

I promised myself that if I end up marrying a man like that, who acts anything at all like a child, who doesn't take care of me when I'm sick, who turns out to be even a little picky about looks.....I will definitely not have his children. Having someone's baby is a huge gift and it should be treated as such. Marriage does not garuantee use of my womb lol. Seriously though, it's such a dangerous idea to have children with a man who couldn't raise them on his own. I've seen what happens when the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 05:31 AM
11

Objectively, yes, humor is definitely less important than kindness and stability if you want a healthy relationship. That's exactly my point. Why do you see humor as being even close to the same level as kindness?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 02:35 AM
36

Lmaoo they really are defending him. "Seems like a good dude" "He has a sense of humor" "It's not like you would inherit his dependents" Collectively men always have an agenda to lower women's standards. NO ONE wants to be pretend mommy to 4 kids and a host of animals. What will you get out of it, unless you have 4 kids of your own? How much do you want to bet that this guy hopes to find a woman younger than his ex? When he really should be going for a much older woman who might not mind a built…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 07:15 PM
170

She's right. But also I think a lot of these guys are narcissistic. Meaning their internal problem comes before their actions. They start off empty and completely insecure inside, like a vacuum. They use others as a result. And then they fall deeper into their pit of despair once the high of using others is over. They will repeat the cycle until they die, in or out of marriage. I highly recommend that any woman dating in current times become very familiar with narcissists and their red flags. If…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 04:31 PM
8

I have the same exact tendencies! It's common if you have a parent with a personality disorder or addiction. But it's just a habit to break at the end of the day. Practise keeping yourself in check and you will see a lot of progress + a huge reduction in stress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 02:26 PM
33

Look into codependency: https://www.instagram.com/p/B68i1wVgt-F/?igshid=344l9k2a49hy https://www.instagram.com/p/B56UwE1gDrz/?igshid=oth86f5to449 https://www.instagram.com/p/B3kDy6eAOhA/?igshid=9c3uojes4fcz Real life examples would be like.....they have a bad day, you feel like you need to make them happy immediately or else you can't relax. Or they are having a health problem and not doing enough to be responsible about it, so you get scared and start acting like their paid nurse. Making their …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 02:27 AM
11

Complete narcissist
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 01:02 AM
4

No, that's not true when the man is abusive. Your operating under the assumption that all men have good pure intentions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 06:41 PM
81

I think behavior like that is done on purpose, not because he doesn't like you, but because he wants to keep you insecure in the relationship to retain an imbalance of power. That's how abusive men think. So much of our culture romanticizes men behaving like that (withholding their feelings) which is why women are fooled into accepting it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/20 10:40 PM
4

I grew up watching movies like this as a Bangladeshi muslim. There was one feminist movie that came out back when I was in high school, "Third Person Singular Number," that literally everyone in my community watched and loved. Very sad to see the extremism from surrounding countries start leaking into our societies. I'm sure it will get worse if the situation with Iran continues to escalate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 04:09 PM
6

Yeah I really need to internalize this Society's advice is that women should be the better looking ones in a relationship. In reality, men can't handle having a much more attractive partner without trying to put her down all the time. And it's universal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 04:11 AM
79

It was really cute But also side note.....I hate that all the comments were that she was very lucky to have him. She's a beautiful young cardiologist and clearly kind. It's the least she deserves. The only thing worse than men having dirt low standards for themselves is men who act like other men doing nice things is up there with curing cancer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 02:28 AM
2

Wait was it really you? Just checked my main account and her username was qpzp If so I'm really glad to hear you left him ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 05:34 PM
4

Omg years ago I read a post by a man on there, absolutely dragging his girlfriend through the mud. The basement dwellers and pick mes in the comments were salivating over it. Some things about how he talked about her and how he marinated in all the sympathy really rubbed me the wrong way though. OP eventually got soo hyped up from the comments that he shot himself in the foot. He went and woke his girlfriend up to show her the thread. She started posting too, with her account, clearly very gasli…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 03:51 PM
3

I could write a long list of red flags for all the women out there Oooh could you please do this if you have time?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 03:10 PM
15

Exactly. I hate how people recently try to silence women on this. We're not crazy for telling the truth. Not only is it a lie that can be used to gaslight you in relationships and friendships, it pushes women to go against instincts and put themselves in dangerous situations. How many sexual assaults on young women are done by male friends? How many stalkers started out as a friend? Especially in the young 20s group. It's false security. My sister wants to dorm next year and I already made sure …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 03:07 PM
4

For most of these fields, there will if course be exceptions. You just need to be wary of what common traits they have. The only thing I personally would completely 100% avoid are cops, military, and security because of the tangible systems that exists around them to keep them from normal consequences. I don't think overthinking is bad either, but you might find it helpful to start a diary to write down thought, make lists, set down plans, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/20 02:35 AM
7

I think in most professional fields, you will also be able to find exceptions. Especially if you're in intense schooling for 3 years. You get to know them well enough. And one thing women overlook....fields with strict licensing give spouses a huge leg up in a lot of states. You can lose your license for missing child support payments or for having arrest records (very helpful bargaining chip in a domestic abuse situation).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 06:56 PM
10

https://www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that.pdf The red flags list in that book and that video I linked earlier really helped me. Good luck :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 04:20 PM
3

I second that on environmental engineers, at least in my experience. They tend to be more open minded and emotionally intelligent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 03:42 PM
5

What's your opinion on engineers?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 02:35 PM
48

Definitely Law Enforcement and military. And doctors with big egos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 01:50 PM
78

I went on a date with what I suspect to be a Narcissistic man and by the end to the first date, I think I already subconsciously knew he could be abusive. I went on a 2nd date bc I listened to friends and then cut him off. The really really early signs: Pushing boundaries in any way. I wanted to sit near people, he wanted to sit in a more secluded area. I didn't want a ride home, he kept insisting. Seemed to be a bit intense and have simmering anger around large crowds. I saw the same vibe in my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 12:24 PM
49

I love how pick mes always claim that these struggles make their relationship stronger and better. You know what would make you stronger and better?? If you didn't have to keep making crazy sacrifices for a partner who will never respect you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 09:27 PM
84

Don't forget the part where he's texting the new young intern at work. They're just good friends for now but he's been wondering about what's he's missing. These types never leave until they have one foot on the next boat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 09:24 PM
11

Yeah I was gonna mention this. South asians and a lot of city guys in general are scared of animals. But unlike girls, they don't mention it openly and just hang back when cats and dogs are around. Someone showing anger and hatred to an animal is a different situation of course. Usually there's no fear involved there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 08:40 PM
49

Disgusting There's honestly nothing on earth I hate more than men that age creeping on women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 03:15 PM
1

See I actually love cooking and I enjoy cleaning. But I've also realized that with most people, once you do it for them or take that role on your own shoulders in the household, they start getting very demanding. Especially husbands. Ideal would be to be appreciated for it. But reality is that our culture and society are not built to let this happen. It turns into something....you feel lazy one day and relax a bit. And your partner feels like you aren't holding your end of the bargain up. Even t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 04:34 AM
11

It's codependency, I think. I'm south asian and I was raised to be the same way, same with a lot of my friends. When I started to look at is as codependency and work on it that way, I made a lot of progress in getting rid of this mindset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 10:46 AM
24

There is a specific type of abusive man that goes after strong happy women. They like the "challenge" of breaking her down psychologically. And of course society's lie that only weak women get abused is what prevents them from reaching out. I really think less importance should be place on "happily ever after" for women. It should be normalized among us to break marriages soon after the wedding, soon after the baby, when the first sign of abuse often shows up in the worst cases.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/19 10:41 AM
1

I don't even see that tbh. She is working. If she's a house wife? Sure I guess, some of it. By after work she comes home and prepares lunch, dinner, preps breakfast, gets his and her clothes ready, takes care of the baby......while he does what?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 07:19 AM
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