I'll use my recent breakup as an example.

My ex was my friend for a long time. He knew my previous abusive ex from socialising.

At the time when my ex and I started dating, he told me that he couldn't believe I was with the abusive ex, that I was out of his league, etc. And I was embarrassed but figured it was safe to open up about it.

I didn't realise but what he said belied a subtle judgement: if she puts up with that, then there's something wrong with her.

Well, once the relationship with my ex started to deteriorate, I noticed that my abusive ex was brought up constantly. Sometimes as a snide joke. Sometimes as a put down. Always negatively. It was a very painful experience, subtle and incredibly damaging.

Now I realise, every thing you say or do, they internalise. And without even realising, it becomes ammunition. When it has to do with your body, your sex or other men, keep it to yourself or to your trusted girlfriends.