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myrstica Archive

View 6 posts and 72 comments by myrstica on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

That's not too bad. I feel especially stuck, 'cause I've already spent 10 years here, and I've got another 10 to go until my youngest is grown. I wish I could move us all to Cascades, but their mom never wanted to go back there, even when we were married and my feelings about things should have mattered. Oh well. I'll make it work. Just really bummed for the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 11:41 PM
2

Yup. Part of the inspiration behind the thoughts of being stuck in a place I wouldn't otherwise choose to live is that the woman I've been seeing is helping a friend move to Alaska, and she's joking around about moving there too, in a couple months. But yesterday, I was thinking about it, and one of the things that I felt the most sad about was that if she moved, she'd be choosing something else over me. And if I moved, then that's how the kids would probably end up feeling for the rest of their…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 01:29 PM
1

Ya, I put some more thought into it, and I couldn't do it. But I can look at property and dream.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:45 PM
1

Ya, that's been my plan. I was feeling especially stuck and especially bummed the other day, 'cause my partner's on a road trip, helping a friend move to Alaska, and she's completely fallen for the mountains and started talking about moving there, too. Which I would be completely open to under different circumstances. But ya, when it comes down to it, I never want my kids to think I chose any person, place, or thing over them. So while I hang out in Appalachia for another decade, I figure I can …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:43 PM
1

From my kids? I live a 25 minute drive from them. My parents live on the west coast, my sister lives 8 hours away, and what friends I have are also pretty distant. That's the difficulty.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:34 PM
1

Oh, same boat! I just moved into a 2 bed last year, since overnights in a studio were a big cramped. And it's the biggest place I coukd afford near the kids' school. Their mom has since moved, though. I have some opinions of the school-relayed choices that gave been made since then.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:32 PM
1

OK, big guy. You let me know when the revolution comes, OK?
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 11:08 AM
2

I've been divorced for about three years and have three kids, but they're younger: 6, 8, and 11. I was super open with the kids about the first serious relationship I had after the divorce. That was last year. We were all comfortable enough for occasional video calls about 4 months into it, and we all played the occasional online game together. She was a bit apprehensive at first, because she didn't want to be a mother figure, but I reassured her that nobody expected that, and the best outcome w…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 07:58 PM
1

I apologize for not picking up on the sarcasm. I don't know that my missing that is justification for attacking me directly. I was in no way 'going white knight' and I don't think I used the word misogyny in my reply to you. That being said, this sub is rife with it. I get that misandry is common in subs that cater to supporting women through divorce. The point I was trying to make is that it's hypocritical to call out misandry as a means of supporting women, and then turn around and use misogyn…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 05:51 PM
1

Honestly, the way you talk about it, it sounds like you're better off. I can see how much pain you're in, and I can understand where you're coming from. Hopefully you'll figure out a fair settlement that won't cause you too much financial harm, but I know how hard it is to be both breadwinner and primary caregiver for the kids. Once you're able to work through the betrayal, I suggest putting all the effort you used to pour into your relationship with your stbx into your relationship with your ki…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 11:12 AM
1

Um... do you not see the same sort of logic happening here? Men going on about how strong and stoic and supportive they are while actively denigrating 50% of rhe population based on their gender? Maybe we should all just acknowledge that there are shitty people of all genders, that we only hear the side of the person telling their story, and that life and relationships are more complex than right/wrong. We can be supportive of each other without tearing anyone else down.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 10:48 AM
2

Can you explain further what you mean by being 'done with the archetype of woman he discussed in the essay'? The excerpt you posted seems to pretty clearly make a sweeping generalization about the intellectual capacity of all women in relation that of all men. Is it unreasonable to consider each person you encounter as an individual with their own strengths and weaknesses? Their own capacities, drives, goals, etc.? Why does anyone need to group a whole gender into 'archetypes'? Why not take some…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 10:40 AM
2

This is a breath of fresh air. Thank you. I've been a member of this sub since I moved out of my house a few years ago, before my divorce was finalized, and I've always been uneasy about the level of misogyny I encounter here, but I stuck around because I also encountered legitimate support and decent advice, and I think it's important to offer that as I continue to work through the particulars of a wasted decade and giving my ex half of my paycheck. There's a lot of hate and radicalizatikn in t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 10:19 AM
2

So ad hominem is an attempt to erode the speaker's credibility instead of engaging with their argument. Regarding schopehauer's assertions and their relationship to his childhood, this is a valid point. They're not questioning schopenhauer's credibility, they're pointing out a bias in his argument. One of the perennial tenets of good philosophy is regular self-examination in regard to bias. Skepticism is foundational, and a lack of it results in philosophies built on sand. Are you wholly unaffec…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 10:12 AM
0

What type if person would describe as a 'poser'? I am a man. I was kicked to the curb by a woman who manipulated and used me, and who now lives with another man who recently quit his job to support her efforts to start a business that has very little chance of success. They are both living off of my child support and alimony payments. But! I recognize that one data point does not represent a trend, much less a truth. Does that make me a poser? Are the only real men the ones who, after being mani…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 09:57 AM
1

You're not bringing any valid arguments to the table, but you're insisting that someone else refute the quote sentence by sentence? Maybe you could try formulating an argument yourself instead of putting the onus on someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 09:50 AM
-1

Disagree. We can seek and provide support without denigrating 50% of the population. There are shitty people of all genders who hurt other people. You don't get to blame women for your problems and then support the assertion that they're intellectually inferior to men. Assuming you were manipulated/abused/otherwise taken advantage of by your ex wife, and assuming you believe that women are generally intellectually inferior to men, then... what does that say about you?
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 09:48 AM
-2

My dude... The existence of a sub on reddit does not validate a lot of the misogyny that gets posted here. Just some quick math: this sub gets 36,000 visitors per day. That seems like a lot of people. But reddit as a whole has 126.8 million active users. That means the visitors here constitute 0.02% of the general population. The most recent official statistic I encountered from a quick google, for the number of divorces per year in the US, was from 2022, but according to the CDC, there 673,989 …
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 09:40 AM
0

You call out the person you're arguing with for 'moral grandstanding' and then take a swipe at their level of education? You have no idea what level of education any of us has attained, and you're using the same logical fallacies that you seem to take such pride in pointing out in the arguments of others. In this case, you're using an ad hominem attack in an attempt to reduce your opponent's credibility instead of addressing their argument directly. Now, to posit some arguments of my own: Certai…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 09:12 AM
1

I mean, in a lot of cases, I think it could be as simple as growing apart, or not being aware of a deep seated difference in philosophy/character/need that doesn't present itself until kids are involved. To be fair, I have been inclined to describe my ex-wife using language that I would never use to describe anyone else, and it's infuriating that she still feels the need to text me to inform me of her extremely poor opinion of me, but I'm working on accepting that her still being hung up in rese…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 10:40 AM
1

I'm not saying you're wrong. I don't know you or anything about you or your experiences. If financial insecurity is deal breaker for you, then so be it. I think one thing to keep in mind is this: what's the likelihood that you're going to combine finances with this woman? And what are the chances that you're going to wind up spending the rest of your life with someone you met less than two weeks after your divorce was finalized? For me, I dated a few women after I moved out and as I finalized my…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 02:12 PM
4

I don't know anyone who has a decent career who isn't carrying a significant amount of student debt. That alone seems like a petty reason to dump someone. Never being married isn't a big deal, either. Maybe not having been in a long-term relationship seems a bit odd at 34, but there are perfectly reasonable circumstances that could factor into that. Honestly, the fact that you've only been on a few dates with someone and you're so afraid to get entangled makes it seem like you might not be ready…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 11:25 AM
12

My ex-wife left because, after a decade of gaslighting, I got diagnosed with adhd and with medication and therapy came to realize I was being abused. As soon as I stood up to her in the smallest way, she had divorce papers drawn up. Literally the next morning. I had wanted to leave for a long time, but she had me believing that I'd never see the kids again if I did. Because she acted so fast, and pulled me out of an important meeting at work to go over the paperwork to further stress me out and …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 02:38 PM
1

So, my situation is different. I felt so much relief after my ex kicked me to the curb. I wanted to leave for a long time, but I was convinced she'd never let me see our kids again if I did. Still, the healing has taken years. One year post-divorce feels like a lot of time, but I'm coming up on 3 now, and I'm still rediscovering things I used to really enjoy and things I loved about myself before she ground me down into a tool to accomplish her goals. It's a hard journey, and it's fucking scary …
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 10:51 AM
1

oof... I was never physically harmed, but she did file a police report for assault when I walked through a doorway she was trying to block and my shoulder bumped hers. I was just getting something from the kitchen. This was shortly after we'd separated. I'm glad you got free of that situation, and I hope you've found a healthier relationship, or some peace in being unattached.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 03:55 PM
2

This is also a fair point. My ex and I were in couples therapy up until the focus shifted to me and what I was struggling with in the relationship. Then it clearly wasn't making any difference, and I was dominating the sessions. She did the same thing with her mother, when she was convinced that her mother was a narcissist. As long as the therapist was helping her to further her agenda, she was all in, but as soon as the other person was validated, she was done. Personal therapy? Absolutely out …
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 05:41 PM
4

This is probably the healthiest way to look at things. Unless you have a degree or a certification that allows you to practice therapy or psychiatry, you have no business diagnosing anyone. And just because someone is toxic for you doesn't mean they're toxic for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 09:02 AM
4

Exactly this. Narcissists can't admit that they might need help, so they tend not to seek therapy. My therapist made this exact point and laughed when I told him my ex wife was convinced I was a narcissist. But she had a lot of armchair diagnoses for me... turns out it was all most likely projection/manipulation/abuse on her part.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 08:57 AM
1

Thanks again! I really appreciate your help!
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 09:20 AM
1

Ah. Thanks for the clarification.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 08:28 AM
1

Thanks! I've held off on filjng the motion because I know she'll stop being so sloppy as soon as I do. And she seems to be aware that I can have it terminated now, 'cause she tried to talk me into giving up my portion of the proceeds from the sale of the house in exchange for stopping alimony. And has been trying to assert that the child support payment is quite a bit larger, and the alimony payment quite a bit smaller than we actually agreed. So I haven't breathed a word about it to her or the …
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 10:39 PM
1

I feel you. When our first child was born, I took a seasonal layoff from thr retail nursery I was working st to go back to school for IT, 'cause $12/hr wasn't gonna cut it to raise a family. 3 years of stay-at-home dadding later, I had an associates and two certificates and found a job. It was, of course the lowest priority, despite my being the primary breadwinner. A year into that, I found another job that I thought would allow me to better meet her needs, but nope. Still a problem. Got laid o…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 10:21 PM
3

Oh, I also wanted to mention that it's not surprising that a lot of women you've dated had daddy issues. There are a lot of shitty fathers out there, and it was even more common and socially acceptable to be a shitty father a generation ago. I think that what you're seeing isn't a prophecy for your own children. Instead, it's proof that you're dating women who are more open/comfortable with themselves and their issues. I feel like it's so much more common to mask your flaws when you're younger. …
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 10:10 AM
4

I've been separated for 10 months, divorced for 3. I have my kids on weekends and the rest of the week to myself. I've dated a little bit, but after a few dates, I realized I wasn't ready. Every time the 3rd date came up, I felt so much anxiety that I called it off. Clearly, I'm carrying some trauma centered around relationships and intimacy. My ex started dating the weekend after I moved out and got herself a new man within a month. Introduced him to the kids a month or two later, and now pract…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 09:56 AM
1

Because a lifetime of undiagnosed adhd and a decade of gaslighting had conditioned me to believe that she was probably right and i was probably wrong in all cases. This woman isolated me from my friends and family and slowly eroded at my faith in my own thoughts and perceptions. She set herself up as the Source Of Truth and kept records of any time I lost my temper, which was frequent, due to the fact that she tended to pick fights and pin me down at times when the kids were present and would li…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 12:25 PM
1

That's really helpful! Do you happen to know if that's a federal or state regulation? She has primary custody, and the kids are thriving in that neighborhood, so I'd rather be sure they can stay there. I've also thought about filing a suit to modify custody and seeing if I can occupy the house myself. She would never agree to it herself, though, because having possession of the house and primary custody gives her both greater support payments and leverage.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 03:08 PM
2

Thanks, I appreciate it. I know I'll get through it. It's just a real pain right now.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 12:57 PM
1

Fair point. The issue is that, given my financial situation, I can't afford to pay a large retainer up front, and I don't qualify for any kind of assistance because my gross income is too high. I'm going to look into the legal insurance offered by my employer again tomorrow. Unfortunately, when I learned that it existed, I had already talked to a lawyer about the separation agreement. I'm hoping that now that the divorce is finalized, any action would be considered new and be eligible for covera…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 12:16 PM
2

Wow, that is fast. Mine was also uncontested, but I wish I would have had the wherewithal to fight her demands. My job offers legal insurance, but wouldn't cover any action during the divorce process because I'd already talked to a lawyer about it. I'm going to call them again tomorrow to ask if any further action regarding payments and custody would be covered now that the divorce is finalized. Thanks for your sympathy. Worst case, I'll be done paying alimony by 2027. As long as I don't get thr…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 12:09 PM
3

It seems like you pay a ton up front for a lawyer, or you pay the same or more in ridiculous support payments. I made the mistake of grudgingly agreeing to her terms in the separation agreement, partly due to her threats to take me to court and the assertion that if that happened, I'd end up paying more than she was asking for, or wouldn't get any visitation with the kids, etc. Now, I'm in the position of paying her roughly $40k a year in alimony and child support. I ended up having to claim exe…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 11:23 AM
2

Where did you find a lawyer for only $1250? Everywhere I look, they have a retainer over 2k. I got a lawyer early on, but I was still reeling from essentially being kicked out of my own home, and coming out of an abusive, gaslighting relationship, I had zero clue of how to manage anything anymore. She had slowly taken control of every aspect of our lives over the decade we were married and convinced me I was essentially useless (despite the fact that my income paid for her to chase her dreams). …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 11:11 AM
10

I mean, if you think about your own situation from the outside, divorced, 50% custody, etc. You bring a fair amount of baggage as well. Women get divorced for legitimate reasons, just like men do. They aren't all cheating on their spouses and f*cking them over for a paycheck. I get not wanting to raise someone else's kids, but if she's a good parent, you won't even meet her kids for months, at least. Also, I'm confused why you would think something was wrong with a childless woman of a certain a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 02:08 PM
1

ya, it's been a real journey learning that I CAN say no. I finally had enough a couple weeks ago and set up all the utilities in my name to be shut off by the end of the month. I also told her I'd close the joint account at the end of this month, partly because I want there to be zero doubt that I gave her generous notice to allow her to switch over anything she has tied to the account, and also because when the final utility bills get charged to autopay, it should come from the account she's us…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 02:24 PM
1

With an accounting/statistics background, data analysis sounds like a great fit! I transitioned to tech from horticulture well before my divorce. The only downside is that my income had already quadrupled before my ex filed, so my support payments are unreasonably high, and leave me with too little to hire a lawyer to look and changing them.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 03:39 PM
1

I moved out about 5 months ago. I'm 39 and have 3 young kids, the oldest of whom is 9. Married for 10 years. It's been really difficult, but the positives I'm taking away from this experience, beyond the regular stuff like independence, relative freedom from manipulation/coercion, and the ability to pursue my hobbies unfettered, are: my relationship with my kids has improved. I'm not constantly arguing with their mother and getting upset. They are getting to know me individually, and relatively …
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/24 04:44 PM
1

The majority of our communication is via Google chat, so I do have written records of her refusing to take any action to take ownership of the house or the utilities. Multiple instances, as well. I sent a message via the mortgage company's secure messaging system, asking for how the mortgage could be transferred to her, as well as how she's listed on the deed. Worst case scenario, if I have the power to do so unilaterally, I'll put the house up for sale myself. I've also thought about the possib…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:29 PM
2

100%. I'm on the verge of closing all the accounts that are in my name, just to force her to establish utilities in hers and prevent any of her debt from blowing back on me due to the shared checking account. Of course any time I talk about taking action like that, she brings up the kids and how it would negatively impact them to not have power or water until she could afford to pay deposits and establish utilities in her name.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:19 PM
1

She expects me to do all the work to separate our shared assets, even demanded that I have my name removed from our joint checking account, and because the bank can't do that, she's still using the joint account. To my knowledge, she has not opened an individual account. She will not take any steps to have me removed from the mortgage, and I imagine she'd refuse to adjust the support payments, since that's 99% of her income. I expect that if she's unable to pay the mortgage, she'll tell me it's …
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:16 PM
1

No, i made the mistake of believing we could do this ourselves, amicably. I was wrong. I did have a lawyer on retainer for a while, but they depleted my retainer by preparing for and having weekly strategy meetings, despite the fact that there was nothing to strategies at the time. I wasn't able to replenish the retainer because i pay 70% of my net income in spousal/child support, and they dropped me. At this point, I'm catching up on bills and trying tk oay down my credit cards so that I can re…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 08:11 PM
1

Right there with you. First was left to chance, starting when we were on volunteer visas in Ecuador. We were open to having a child together regardless of location, but if we got residency out of the deal, that would have been a bonus. She didn't get pregnant until after we'd returned to the US. Second was planned, but more hwr idea than mine. I knew by that point that she got what she wanted though, one way or another, and I hoped the greater intimacy would help with the distance that was alrea…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 10:56 AM
1

Shit, I wish mine would get on welfare. She pressured me into a hasty decision when filling out the separation agreement, and now I'm stuck with less than half of what I'm paying her in support. I had to claim exempt for tax withholding just to have enough money to afford a studio apartment. That's really awful that your child has become a pain in this. I have 3, aged 4, 6, and 9. The older two are able to put things in their own perspective and understand both sides, but my 4 year old isn't the…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 11:17 AM
1

100% this. Very little attention is given to psychologically abusive relationships in which the woman is the aggressor. I moved out of our house about 4 months ago, and in response to her frequent accusations that I was abusive, I started reading up on what is legitimately considered abuse and realized that I had been victimized from the beginning: artificial acceleration of the relationship, being 'swept off my feet' and invited on an open-ended international trip after having only dated for 3 …
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 01:46 PM
5

I'm sorry you're going through it, too. I, for one, have never felt so frustrated or overwhelmed in my life. There is a lot of positive to this situation, though. I don't have to live with someone who needs to control everything. I can use my time however I see fit. I'm re-learning who I am and finding a sense of identity that I lost years ago. And the huge benefit of her trying to involve the authorities in her manipulation is that there are now records of her filing frivolous police reports an…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/24 11:10 AM
5

Most recently: reported me to CPS and threatened to file for a PFA, then two days later, asked if I could take the kids for an extra night so she could have dinner with her parents. On the whole, years of gaslighting and projection, telling me I was psychologically abusive, when she's the one who artificially accelerated the relationship and pressured me to marry her, isolated me from my friends and family, and then accused me of gaslighting while setting herself up as the Single Source Of Truth…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 01:03 PM
7

I agree with everyone above. If your roles were reversed, would she throw you a bone? probably not. If you do end up choosing to help her out, make sure that you also get concessions, that everything is documented, and that there is a time frame attached, so she doesn't try to continue siphoning your income indefinitely.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 06:34 PM
1

Similar experience here. My stbx claims that she mourned our relationship while we were still together, so she was ready to move on immediately. She started dating the same week I moved out, and now I hear from the kids about her new boyfriend. It hasn't even been 4 months since I moved out, and after going on and on about how she wants to be absolutely sure about this dude before introducing him to the kids, she hastily changed plans we made months ago to take the kids to see the eclipse to cut…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 03:53 PM
2

Thanks, I appreciate it. ​ All things considered, I think the kids are doing pretty well. My stbx does tend to frame any of our conflicts in the most negative way possible when talking to the kids about them, making me out as selfish and uncaring, but I try to counter with a more balanced interpretation, even allowing her the benefit of the doubt regarding her motivations for her attempts to coerce or attack me. I figure, even if her more blunt and accusatory explanations influence their percept…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 03:39 PM
6

Just want to reiterate what's been said a lot already and offer my own experience. You can still have kids, of course, and in this case you kind of dodged a bullet, as divorce with kids can get very messy and very expensive if both parents can't work out custody and support payments amicably. Then there's the awful position that kids are put into, where a vindictive co-parent may try to use them as leverage to get what they want out of the other, and observing the stresses and huge emotions of t…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 01:29 PM
1

Omg. That must have been both infuriating and devastating. I'm sorry. For me, she started years ago, documenting every time I yelled during an argument or spoke without thinking or was anything less than a model parent. She'd demand that I send her self-incriminating emails as recompense for whatever thing I did or said to upset her. I'd honestly anticipated that a divorce was coming for a long time, but I was sure that these tactics were a means to build a custody case against me by portraying …
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 03:44 PM
1

To my knowledge, she didn't meet this guy until after I left the house, but she was out on a date the first night I had the kids overnight. I've talked to a couple of people on dating sites but haven't met anyone. She's the one who filed, and part of the slow implosion of our relationship was a period of time that I had joined a dating site in an ill-advised effort to find acceptance and validation wherever i could. I had the location set to the other side of the country and never talked to anyo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 11:08 AM
1

Thanks. Ya, I've been reading up on imputed income/underemployment. I have tried talking about this with her directly, but she's wholly unwilling to budge, except to let me keep $100 per check if I take the kids an extra night every week. Now, I would love to have more time with my kids, but I'm already going to end up with >10k in tax debt if nothing changes, so that $2400 for the year is just throwing me a bone trying to get me to shut up, and if I accept it, it'll close negotiations and possi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 04:32 AM
2

Also wanted to say that before the trip in latam we had 40k in savings, a couple of investment accounts, and zero credit card debt. Now there are no savings, no investments, and... well... she made a point to make sure her credit cards got paid down first because she had a higher credit limit and she wanted it free for emergencies. It's been dawning on me the last couple of months that this may well have been planned and she was just biding her time until she was set up and I could afford to mai…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 02:35 AM
2

I changed my defaut settings so my stbxw doesn't get notifications of my posts. I had posted a bunch of photos I took during a trip when we were still together and didn't include the 3 decent photos I had of her. I sent them to her directlybinstead, in case she wanted them. She said I was trying to erase her. The photos I put up were of the kids, landscapes, and points of interest. I haven't gone to the extent of blocking her yet, but I feel like it's not far off.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 01:21 AM
8

Oh man, I feel all of this. I was diagnosed with adhd about 6 months before separating, and it was a huge relief, as suddenly, my whole life made more sense. Like you, I was fantastic at masking, and as a result, I was always really successful socially and romantically (when I felt confident enough to pursue someone). Also, seeing my therapist, initially to help learn coping skills, provided me the opportunity to talk through everything I'd been been going through for a decade and helped me to r…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 12:13 AM
7

Ya, that's the conclusion I ultimately came to. I just wish I would have listened to my gut and never married her in the first place. I see now how what seemed like a wildly romantic trip to ecuador after only having dated for 3 months turned out to be a great way to isolate me from family and friends and start controlling me. Of course back then, I only made $12/hr so I was definitely not a sugar daddy back then. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 11:26 PM
7

Same boat here. Turning 40 this year, 10 years of marriage, 3 young kids. I'm at the point that I'm just waiting for the final decree. My advice would be to really think through what you agree to pay and how visitation/custody is worked out. Take your potential expenses into account and keep in mind that when you switch your tax withholding to single, you'll lose a fairly significant portion of your current net income. The difference for me was about $400 - the difference between doing ok financ…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 09:32 PM
5

Right? I completely agree in hindsight. At the time, I wanted to be a good, supportive husband, and since I could afford to support us, it seemed like a fine idea. Now, I feel like I was manipulated the whole time. I think I could have a decent case for underemployment on her part if I could afford a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 08:59 PM
6

Ya, or she knew this dude was coming to the wedding and had already planned to 'catch up'. Another example of my stupidity is that I was sitting by the pool waiting for her to come out of the sauna, and one of the guests wanted to go give her a hard time for having abandoned me, but I insisted that it was her wedding night too, and I wanted her to enjoy it as much as possible. Stupid me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 08:52 PM
5

Yup. Also, considering the fact that our relationship was founded on shared borderline alcoholism and after she got me isolated in another country, the screaming arguments began... I drunkenly told her one night that I thought we should get married one day. After that, she started pressuring me into getting engaged at least once a week. After I finally relented, I knew in my gut that it was a bad idea, but I've always been kind of a people pleaser. I could go on, but the icing on the cake was th…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 06:32 PM
10

Before marriage: pressuring me into marrying her During our marriage: - inviting her best friend/old flame along on the first week of our honeymoon and treating me like a third wheel, after spending the last half of our wedding night with him in a sauna. - Yelling at/bullying me for the symptoms of undiagnosed adhd, pressuring me to get diagnosed, and then being ableist, and telling me I should have learned how to cope with the symptoms by now. - Putting off my goals/dreams while I fully support…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 02:09 PM
3

Add me to the list. I knew it was a bad idea, but thought things would get better with time and stability. Instead, they got worse.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 01:52 PM
1

Would I get married again? I'm not sure. I don't plan on it, but I could see it as a possibility, given the right person and circumstances. If I could do it again, would I have married my ex? That's tough. Pragmatically, I have 3 amazing children whom I love more than anything, I have a great job in a city I would never have considered moving to on my own, and I've traveled a lot more than I probably would have, so there are some great things that came out of that relationship. Emotionally, I wi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 12:09 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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