My divorce from my wife of 10 years is almost finalized. We're just waiting on the final decree. We have 3 children, ages 4, 6, and 9. She filed for the divorce. The last straw for her was that when she asked if I wanted to spend the rest my life with her, I said I wasn't sure. She expected a "hell yes". Within the week, the paperwork was filed.

After filing, she suggested we use the 90 day waiting period as a trial separation, during which I could "really focus on [my] issues", with the goal of moving back into the house and staying married.

After I agreed to the above, she decided to fill out the separation agreement. she pulled me out of a work meeting, saying that if I didn't join her, she would do it herself, without my input. I was already stressed and felt under pressure, so didn't fully consider her suggestions, but under the assumption that we'd be trying to reunite, I felt like the specifics weren't especially important. I also thought that we would be able to work out any issues that came up in a civil and respectful way.

My biggest mistakes were not considering the higher tax rate when I changed my filing status to single, and not insisting on specificity regarding custody and visitation. Additionally, being unaware of how division of property normally works, I agreed to give her the house outright, when I would otherwise have been entitled to 50% of the equity.

As it stands, I am paying $1725 a month in alimony, and $1725 a month for child support, for a total of $3450/month. The alimony has a term of 3 years.

She is pursuing a career as a freelance writer and homeschooling two of the kids, and this amount is what she decided she needs to cover basic expenses.

My monthly net income is $4870, leaving me with $710/pay period. I'm renting a crappy studio apartment that costs over half of what I'm left with. Just to be able to pay my bills, I've had to resort to claiming exempt for federal income tax and just hope that I can stash enough away in high yield savings and investment accounts to cover a good portion of my tax bill.

For some context, we'd been struggling for years. We'd been in and out of couples therapy, I had been seeing a personal therapist for 6 months, with a previous stretch with another therapist for about a year. For the months leading up to the divorce, I'd been suggesting that she see a personal therapist, or that we resume couples therapy, but she had refused, insisting that I was the one who needed it, not her.

In 2021, we embarked on a Hail Mary trip, taking advantage of the fact that both of us worked remote jobs and our oldest daughter was still in an online school, hoping rhat it would rekindle our relationship. We spent 1.5 years driving and flying around Latin America to pursue her passion for travel. During that time, we slept in separate rooms, me with our son, and her with our daughters. The agreement we had made was that if we traveled for 3 years, then I could pick where we settled and have my dream of owning acreage and homesteading/gardening.

When we returned in 2023, we tried to resume sharing a bed, but we would frequently argue, and she would tell me to sleep on the couch. Eventually, I decided to stay on the couch, just so I could have some amount of control over my own life.

Near the end, she had been asking me to join her in the bed again, but I was hesitant due to the fact that before I had chosen the couch indefinitely, she would get upset if I came to bed after 10:30pm (I would usually stay up after the kids' bedtimes and clean up, often til 11 or 11:30, as three young kids are very effective agents of entropy). She also got upset if I moved around too much after coming to bed, or if I breathed on her. Her insistence that I come back to the bed, and my reluctance to do so led to the discussion that ended our marriage.

During the last few years of our marriage, I had considered divorce, but knew she would make my life unbearable and try to keep me from seeing the kids. This has been proven true.

Does this sound as terrible as it feels? I live in PA. I've been wondering if a judge would adjust the amounts for support based on the fact that when she was employed full time, she was making just shy of $50k/yr, and as a freelance writer, she only made $300 last month. I have suggested that she could find a part time job and I could take the kids for half the week, but she has steadfastly refused, saying that she won't let me have them more frequently until I have 3 bedrooms, which I'll never be able to afford as long I'm paying her 70% of my net income.

Early on, my parents helped me out with some money to retain a lawyer, but they burned through the retainer having weekly strategy meetings, and I haven't been able tk afford to replenish it.

I could go into quite a bit more detail, but this is already very long and probably rambling.