I've been divorced for about a year and a half, separated for nearly 2 years. My ex wife started seeing someone regularly about 3-4 months after I moved out, introduced the kids to him about 3 months after that, and put the marital home up for sale and moved herself and the kids in with him this last June. I have strong feelings about the pace with which she's moved, but that's not what I need advice regarding (at least not right now).

When she filled out the separation agreement, I agreed to everything she wanted, because she threatened to take me to court and told me that I'd end up with a worse deal if that happened. She went to school to be a paralegal and also gaslit me for years, so I believed her. My biggest fear was that if I didn't agree to everything, she'd prevent me from ever seeing the kids again.

Originally, I was paying $3450 per month in alimony and child support, but later negotiated it down to $3k. Since then, my time with the kids has increased by 67%, from 72 nights per year to 120 (though, with her vacations, I'm on track to have them for about 135 nights this year), and she has gone from being a 'freelance writer' to working at least part time. Plus, she's mentioned sharing expenses with her partner more than once. Despite all of this, she has been unwilling to negotiate any further adjustments to my payments.

I understand that now that she's co-habitating with her partner, I can file a motion to terminate alimony, but that I will need to present evidence of co-habitation and ideally of shared finances. I have reached out to a number of lawyers, but, given the fact that I pay half of my net income in support and a further quarter for rent, I can't afford the kind of retainer they're asking for. Does anyone have experience with this and what kinds of evidence would be required as proof? Are direct statements from her in text messages enough? She has two of the three kids in online school (I believe to justify her only working part time and also to continue to exert an amount of control over me), and I plan to look for any documentation of the address she provided for them, to show that they are living in her partner's house, but I don't know what other evidence I'd be able to gather myself without hiring a private investigator. I live in Pennsylvania, and I realize different states have different requirements, but even just general experience could be helpful in determining whether it's worth it to pursue this on my own or if I should wait until I can save up enough to hire a lawyer.

If I could terminate alimony, I'd be able to actually save some money instead of constantly overdrawing my checking account, and I'd be able to pursue further legal actions, like a restraining order to stop her from harassing and threatening me, suing for damages for the $1400 electric bill she ran up in my name before opening her own account for the house, and setting a more reasonable amount for child support that reflects her current income, if not her potential income if she were working full time in a role that reflects her actual work experience.

Any help or advice would be appreciated, thanks!